Of a Lingering Hope
by DirtyFeet
Summary: From the rubble, I built myself back up, gathered my bones, and shed my old skin. I set my sights on the distant horizon and carved a path without him. But when the green fires were rekindled, he was once again by my side – always watching, always waiting, always mine. Final installment of the "Of Wolves and Men" trilogy and sequel to "Of Men and War." RL x OC.
1. Prologue: The Sound of Hope

**A/N:** STOP. If you haven't read _Of Wolves and Men _and its sequel _Of Men and War_, then go back! They're long, but I promise they're worth the read!

This is the last installment of the _Of Wolves and Men _series! It will probably be a little less dark than its prequel and will still contain some adult material. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

**To my reviewers!** From the last story: thank you, ALL OF YOU, so much! I pretty much passed out after posting that last chapter the other day and woke up to a slew of follows, favorites, and reviews. It was like Christmas morning! Thank you so, so, so much for all of the love despite the sad ending. This one will be happier, I promise!

**Write me a review! Please?**

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling is a genius to whom I am eternally grateful. I will never own any of the _Harry Potter _stories or characters that my fanfiction is based off of because they all belong to her and rightfully so.

**Source: **Rowling, J. K. (1997). _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. _Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Prologue: The Sound of Hope**

It was a bright warm morning in London – September 1st to be exact. A woman with long black hair ran through the busy corridors of King's Cross Station, winding between people, blurting out broken apologies as she shoved and pushed her way through the crowds. Her lungs were searing with panic. _Where were Platforms 9 and 10?_

Of all days to be late! Her mind screamed every profanity she knew as she sprinted through the crowds. This was the most important of years, the most important of days! She'd been waiting for this day for nearly a decade, and now that it was finally here, she was going to miss him!

Finally, she saw the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10 with a great sigh of relief. A flash of red hair disappeared beyond the barrier, and the woman knew she'd finally caught up with the Weasleys. She rushed after them, landing on the Platform for the Hogwarts Express.

The great scarlet steam engine stood tall and welcoming with children and parents crowded in clusters of loud chatter and movement. The woman smiled. A great surge of warmth and affection spread through her chest as she gazed at the familiar train. She didn't allow herself long though. She craned her neck around to see a group of redheaded children hovering around a plump, equally ginger-haired woman. She smiled fondly and moved forward to greet them.

The youngest – a girl of 10 years – saw her first with a broad grin, releasing her mother's hand and rushing forward to hug the dark-haired woman.

"Rowan, you made it!" she squealed excitedly. Her skinny freckled arms squeezed around the older woman's waist tightly. Sparks danced in her eyes with barely contained glee. "You'll never guess who Fred and George met on the train! _Harry Potter!"_

Rowan Delacroix forced her face to remain straight, though her stomach flipped violently at the name. She held the smile on her face and tried to quell her excitement.

"Really? That's certainly something," she said warmly. She saw Molly Weasley shoot her a look, but she maintained her cool, though she wasn't sure how. Her heart was beating so hard she thought it might burst from her ribs.

"_Ro-wan!" _sang a pair of boyish voices. She was suddenly engulfed in a barrage of gangly arms and red hair. She laughed happily as the bright faces of Fred and George Weasley pulled away, both grinning madly at her. Their sister Ginny pouted angrily as she'd been shoved out of the way.

"Where have you been, woman?" Fred demanded with false anger.

"Do you know how hard it's been trying to practice plays without you around? If we get cut from the team this year, it's your fault!" George accused.

Rowan laughed and mussed up both boys' hair affectionately. "Sorry, boys, I've been busy with work. And I'm sure you'll be fine," she said. She lowered her voice a decibel, trying to retain her calm. "Is it true you met Harry Potter?" she asked carefully.

Both grinned. "Yeah, he's a little fellow," Fred replied. "I reckon his hair might be a bigger wreck than even yours," he teased. Rowan glared and pounded him on the head roughly. He whimpered.

"You two! Quit heckling that poor woman and come here!" Molly shouted over the loud chatter of the platform. They both grinned and pulled Rowan by the arms towards their mother and siblings. She noted that Percy was already gone, not that she'd expected any different – she'd never seen anyone so excited to be a Prefect. He was probably already on the train with his chest puffed out and bossing people around. Ron beamed at her, bubbling with excitement. She grinned – she was just as nearly as excited for him. There was no greater thrill than one's first day at Hogwarts.

"Now, be good at school, and look out for your brother," Molly said sternly to the twins.

"Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us," Fred promised teasingly.

"Shut up," Ron shot back. Rowan noted with mild awe that he was almost as tall as the twins already. It felt like just yesterday that he'd barely been able to walk.

She sighed as she listened vaguely to Molly say goodbye to the children, craning her neck over the crowds for any sight of _him_. She couldn't believe that she'd missed him, after looking forward to this day for so long! She'd been planning to see the Weasley children off for school, but it had all really been to see _Harry_. A part of her was relieved to know that he was at least on the train somewhere, but she'd hoped that she could at least catch a _glimpse_ of him. Her chest clenched painfully.

She gazed up at the train with an aching sense of longing. It'd been so long since she'd been a student on that train, so long since the happy conversations there with her old friends, who were all now long gone. Harry was sitting somewhere on there, just within reach and yet so far away. Perhaps he sat in one of the compartments that she and his parents had once shared. Was he making friends already? Was he loud like James or polite like Lily? Would he be a talented flyer? Did he still miss his parents as much as she did? There were so many questions that had accumulated over the past decade, and yet they still remained unanswered. She wondered if they would _ever_ be answered. Her eyes trailed along the sleek lines of the cars, over the shining windows.

And then something caught her eye – the tiny form of a dark-haired boy with glasses. Her breath caught painfully in her chest and the conversation of the group seemed to suck into a void silently.

She knew that face.

That mop of black hair, those eyes… she couldn't see their color at that distance, but she knew they were green. She felt her lips tremble as the images of her beloved friends flashed through her mind. He looked _just like James_.

A whistle sounded, and the boy's eyes widened quickly with embarrassment as he saw that he'd been caught staring. He shot back in his seat and out of view, and the ache in Rowan's chest multiplied tenfold.

"Hurry up!" Molly cried, jerking Rowan from her daze. She turned towards the three boys and quickly hugged each of them as they clambered onto the train. They leant out of the window for Molly to kiss them goodbye and their younger sister began to cry.

"Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls."

"We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat."

"George!"

"Only joking, Mum."

The train began to move.

"Let me know how the Quidditch season goes!" Rowan shouted after them. They nodded enthusiastically with broad smiles and waved back at her.

Ginny chased after them, half laughing, half crying, running to keep up with the train until it gathered too much speed; then she fell back and waved.

Rowan gazed after the window that she'd seen Harry in, catching the smallest glimpse of him once more as the train pulled away. His eyes met hers for the briefest of moments, and then he was gone. The tension in her chest remained, though it was light. It reminded her of the bittersweet songs she used to play for her father. She prayed silently with all of her might that he'd find his place quickly at Hogwarts.

"Did you see him?" Molly asked quietly from beside her.

Rowan smiled softly. "He looks so much like James," she whispered. Her eyes stung with tears, but she blinked them away quickly. Molly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her tightly. Rowan gave the older woman a watery smile.

"Mina couldn't make it?" she asked.

Rowan shook her head. "No, Fudge gave her a last minute assignment that she couldn't get out of. She's livid," she replied sadly.

Molly sighed. "Well, that's the cost of being Major General, I suppose. There will be other years." Rowan nodded vaguely.

The two women looked over to see Ginny walking back to them, hands rubbing at her teary eyes, face blotchy and pink from crying. Rowan smiled and moved forward to hug the young girl, who hiccoughed softly as she embraced her back.

"It's okay, girlie. Next year, you'll be on that train with them," she said encouragingly. Ginny smiled through her rosy sniffling tears and nodded, taking Rowan's hand.

"Well, time to get going before the barrier closes," Molly sighed. They nodded and turned, following the slow trickle of departing parents.

As the three women stepped back into the station, Rowan glanced back. The train was gone, as was Harry Potter, but she knew with a great surge of warmth that she'd see him again – her best friends' cherished son, her godson, the Boy Who Lived. She promised silently that she'd watch over him, even if he never knew her name, and as she stepped through the barrier with Ginny Weasley's hand tightly grasping hers, her heart was filled with the resounding sound of hope.


	2. The Potions Master

**A/N:** I'm just way too excited about this to stretch the time out between updates.

As for the structure of the story, I'll be hopping around in POV, mostly with Remus and Rowan obviously, but there will be some chapters from Harry's POV and even Hermione's and Claire's I think. Also, quite a few of you have inquired about Tonks' role later on. I will say that she'll have a part in the story, but you can rest easy knowing that she won't be taking our heroine's place.

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx: ** Thank you for the review! This story cover Years 3-7, right when Sirius escapes from Azkaban. I see it as a catalyst for pushing Remus and Rowan back into each other's lives. And of course, I am in support of you re-reading the other two stories haha. Thanks for following along all this time! I hope you enjoy this story as much as the last!

**Fern27: **Hello again! Thank you so much for the kind reviews for the last story and this one. I'm so glad to know I have the trust of my readers to continue the story appropriately. I'll work very hard to live up to your expectations. Thank you so much for reviewing again - I remember you're usually a silent reader - and please enjoy!

**missalex3030:** I didn't get to say it in the last chapter, but I've been meaning to thank you for 1. being here basically the entire ride with reviews and views, and 2. your emotional investment in the story and in me as a writer specifically. I took your suggestion and went back to read a few chapters of the first story and was definitely taken aback at how things have changed in my style. I think I need to go rewrite a few of them actually haha. I'm really humbled and flattered that you noticed my growth and so I want to say thank you for not only appreciating the work I've created but for also cheering me on individually. I really hope you keep going with me and continue to enjoy the story. Thank you again and again. I really can't say it enough.

**wickedgrl123:** Hello! Thanks so much for reviewing on the last story and now! I'm also really excited about Rowan and Harry's reunion. It's still a bit off, but it'll definitely be happening in the near future. And I love the Weasleys too! I've written a couple of chapters with Fred and George in them, which has been a ton of fun. I hope they're entertaining for you too! Thank you again!

**Jingylima:** Hello! Thank you very much ^^ I'm so glad to hear from another reader. I really hope you continue to enjoy. Please let me know what you think in the future!

**SMGF1:** MY FIRST REVIEWER! And you're still here with me! No, Rowan doesn't have a boyfriend, but she hasn't heard from Remus either :/ But there _will_ be romance, don't you worry. It's just that FF. net only allows 2 genre categories per story, which is kind of dumb, but alas. I'd considered using Romance, but it just seemed less appropriate this time for some reason. Thank you for being here all this time with me! I'm so glad you're still along for the ride!

**Nikos Pyrr: **You changed your name! Thanks for the review! I'm really pleased with Rowan and Mina's relationship with the Weasleys too ^^ especially for Ginny to have female role models. I'd never thought of Rowan as a black woman, but now that you've mentioned it I keep picturing her as a friend of mine who has the most beautiful wild curls. She's always keeping random things in it, which is something I think Rowan would do too haha. I'd always pictured Rowan as a conglomeration of random friends, so she'd ended up being sort of a racial mutt in my mind with like olive skin and dark hair. BUT feel free to picture her however you want! ^^

**Maddie Rose:** Thank you! That was my thinking exactly. I think things between them will be very different with the time they've spent apart and growing individually. The first year of the story probably won't have much of them interacting directly since Remus is a professor in the castle, but once they start working together again in the Order, there's sure to be tons of awesome UST hehe, and we all know how much I love UST.

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling is a genius to whom I am eternally grateful. I will never own any of the _Harry Potter _stories or characters that my fanfiction is based off of because they all belong to her and rightfully so.

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Potions Master**

A tall, elderly wizard walked through the streets of Diagon Alley, long purple robes swaying with each step. Passing witches and wizards greeted him eagerly, all pleasantly surprised to see a man of his stature there. He smiled graciously as the various shoppers squeaked out their salutations, walking with a steady gait until he came upon a small shop. The sign above it read, _DD&B Potions_. He assessed it thoughtfully. He noted fondly with crinkling blue eyes that what had once been the burnt remains of war now was a thriving business from times of peace. As he opened the door, cool air rushed out from inside, and he stepped in with the sound of a bell chiming above the door.

A small young woman with blonde hair poked her head out from the back room.

"Hello, can I help-" she started, but trailed off at the sight of the tall wizard, eyes popping from her face. Her face turned a bright shade of red.

"Pro-Professor Dumbledore!" she squeaked. Her body seemed to pull in several directions for a moment before stumbling out from the back room towards the wizard. "I-It's so good to see you, sir!" she exclaimed, rushing forward. She fumbled with her words clumsily. "I- You- is there anything I can help you with?" she finally ground out.

Dumbledore chuckled and assessed the young woman kindly. "Hello, Claire, it is wonderful to see you as well. I was actually hoping to speak to your master, if she is available," he said softly.

"Oh!" she perked up. "Rowan is upstairs on the roof garden. Please, I'll take you to her," she said eagerly, turning quickly and gesturing for the older wizard to follow. She knocked on a little wooden cupboard with a large hole cut into it, and the gray head of an elegant owl popped out. She eyed the blonde woman sleepily.

"Watch the shop for me, won't you, Anfa?"

The owl hooted softly in response, body wiggling out slowly from her cupboard with some apparent effort. She stretched her broad wings and scooted out carefully, floating down to the counter where she perched on the edge, eyes sleepily set on the door. Claire smiled faintly at the old owl and then nodded again to the Headmaster before leading the way up to the roof. Music could be heard faintly from the floors above. It sounded like an old French love song.

* * *

July had fallen on Diagon Alley, hot and humid. Rowan Delacroix had taken to staying indoors, preferably within her potions laboratory in the basement beneath her shop, where it was cool, though she still often found herself sticky from the heat; however, the full moon was approaching, and she needed to tend to her garden. The Bakony Lunar Flowers were growing nicely, and she was hoping to harvest a batch in time for the full moon at the end of the month. She hummed softly with her record player, which crooned an old love song from her summer days as a schoolgirl. She imagined that the words had been engraved into her heart.

She heard approaching footsteps from inside and turned, wiping a drop of sweat from her brow. Her apprentice Claire burst from the door, but her stomach flipped at the sight of her old Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, following close behind.

"Albus!" she greeted warmly, slowly standing from the soil. She was glad to see her old Headmaster, but foreboding filled her heavily. She couldn't think of a reason for the man to visit her personally except on business regarding a certain boy. "Can I get you anything to drink? You must be boiling in those robes! Please excuse my appearance. I'm trying to harvest my flowers before the end of the week," she rambled quickly.

He smiled but politely declined, "That's quite all right. Thank you, Rowan. I was wondering if I may have a word with you in private about an order I'd like to place for some of your dittany blend."

His tone was mild, but she could see a glimmer of severity in his eyes. She nodded. "Claire, could you mind the shop? I'm going to take Professor Dumbledore into my office," she said kindly. The young woman nodded eagerly, and all three continued inside. Rowan guided the older wizard into a room on the second floor while Claire continued back down to the shop.

As they sat down at her table, she pushed aside a pile of books and said apologetically, "Sorry about the mess, Professor. I'm in the middle of some research, and I think I'm pretty close to a breakthrough." Dozens of cauldrons lay around them, some bubbling with potions of varying colors and odors. There was one in the corner giving off a light red smoke. It smelled of burning cherries.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he took a seat at her table. "I take it you think you're close then," he said.

She nodded, looking over her books. "Yes, though I think it'll take another couple of years at least. I've worked out most of the formula, but I still need to find some more test subjects. The last round of testing wasn't nearly as successful as I'd hoped, and a couple of my subjects have backed out from outside pressure," she said quietly, but firmly.

The older man nodded in understanding, and she turned back to him. "So the rumors are true?" she asked quietly.

He nodded gravely. "I'm afraid so. Sirius has certainly escaped from Azkaban. We think he'll be coming to Hogwarts," he said.

Rowan felt a pang of grief shoot through her. "He's looking for Harry then?" she breathed.

Dumbledore nodded again. "Yes, it seems that way. The Minister informs me that during his last visit to Azkaban, just before Sirius escaped, the Dementors reported that he'd been muttering in his sleep, 'He's at Hogwarts.'"

Rowan let out a shaky breath that she didn't realize she'd been holding. "But Harry - he's safe, right? You're watching over him, aren't you?" she hissed.

Dumbledore nodded again patiently. "Yes, we've been keeping a close eye on him. As long as he remains with the Dursleys, he should be safe. Sirius cannot reach him there," he said reassuringly.

But Rowan didn't feel comforted. She thought back to the last time Dumbledore had claimed her friends were safe thirteen years before. She suppressed a shudder.

"I have heard that you are expanding."

Rowan looked up to see the Headmaster smiling gently down at her. She also mustered a smile.

"Yes, to Hogsmeade," she responded. "Claire's already a registered Potioneer - it seems like a waste for her to continue assisting me all the time. I figured now was as good of a time as any to expand and give her a chance to get a feel for running the shop on her own while I'm establishing the second location. I was also thinking of taking on a new apprentice and graduating Claire to a junior partner perhaps. She's nearly been here from the beginning, after all."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled happily. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea," he said fondly. His eyes trailed over her. "Truth be told, I'm amazed that it's taken you this long to open up a second location."

Rowan smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, well, it's been difficult with all my traveling, and with my patients each month, it never seemed like a good time just logistically to move locations," she explained. "But Claire has gotten so good with everything, and Isaac is still around when we need him. I figure if I don't make the step now, I'll put it off for another five years probably."

Dumbledore nodded knowingly and gazed around Rowan's office. Rowan watched him quietly. His long beard was even more white now. She sometimes couldn't believe how many years she had known the Headmaster. He then turned back to face her. His face tightened seriously. She frowned.

"I actually came here to ask you," he began slowly, "since you'll be in Hogsmeade - so close to us - I was hoping that you could help with our protective measures. I have already contacted Mina and Kingsley to begin discussing procedures, but I think it couldn't hurt to have as much help as possible. I am planning on speaking to a few former Order members as well. I seem to remember you having quite a broad repertoire of barrier spells," he said. He smiled a bit at the end.

Rowan's lips tightened. He had already contacted the Aurors - this really was serious, despite the tone of his voice.

"Me?" she asked apprehensively. "I mean, yes, of course, but surely there are others more qualified. I haven't done any advanced protection work since the war," she said seriously. Rowan frowned at the dark look that suddenly flickered across his face.

"The Minister wishes to send Dementors," he said gravely. Rowan's frown deepened. "I'd much rather not have them anywhere near my students. Regardless of how long it has been, you certainly have quite a reputation amongst those in the Ministry who were in office during the war - if I tell them that I have another former Order member on guard at the school, then that's one less Dementor I need worry about."

Rowan nodded. The anxiety remained, but there was no refusing Dumbledore anything. "Of course, Albus. Just let me know when and where to be, and I'll be there," she said. He smiled gratefully at her, relief evident in his face. Another question popped into her mind:

"I still can't meet him though, can I?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly, and she already knew his answer. She pushed the grief back.

"I'm sorry, Rowan, but if he were to know about you, then the events of his parents' death would undoubtedly arise," he explained softly. "For now, I think it wise to keep knowledge of his parents' friends secret, particularly knowledge that would lead him to ask questions about Sirius - Harry has inherited his father's habit of looking for trouble."

Rowan nodded and smiled faintly. So he was a troublemaker... Of course, he was. It only seemed right that James Potter's son was thoroughly versed in mischief. Despite knowing that she still couldn't meet him, the tiny bit of knowledge made her hunger to know him all the more painful.

"What other Order members have you spoken to?" she asked.

Dumbledore smiled sadly at her, and once again, she already knew his answer. Her stomach twisted unpleasantly this time.

"We just filled our Defense Against the Dark Arts vacancy actually with a member - Remus will be starting with us September 1st."

Rowan steadied her breath at the thought of the man. She imagined him surrounded by students with his patient countenance and his quiet brilliance. She thought of those long-gone afternoons at Hogwarts in the library, when she'd secretly watch him tutoring the younger students in Charms and Defense. She smiled faintly.

"I see," she said softly. "That's an excellent choice. I'm sure he'll be a great professor."

Dumbledore nodded, also smiling. "I thought so, too. Perhaps you will see each other, now that you'll be in Hogsmeade," he suggested lightly. Rowan consciously kept the smile on her face, though her stomach lurched at the very thought.

"Well then, I'm off!" he said suddenly, starting towards the door. Rowan jerked at the abrupt announcement and leapt to her feet. She moved to guide him out, but he waved her off flippantly, stating that he'd already put her out enough. With a quiet click of the door and soft footsteps down the stairs, he was suddenly gone. Her head spun in the sudden silence.

_The Order_, she thought grimly. This would be hard. The thought of being gathered with everyone again from the old days without Lily and James sent a pang of fresh grief through her. She'd seen all of them here and there, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to see all of them at once since the end of the war. She knew she had an obligation to her old allies – she owed them much more than she could express – but the very idea of being in the same room with everyone without James there beside her stung her eyes as bitterly as if he'd died just the day before.

And Harry - the twelve years he'd spent with the Dursleys away from her had felt like a small eternity, and even now, it was painful that he didn't know she even existed. At first she'd begged Dumbledore to allow her to see him every so often - wasn't it cruel to keep him away from the one person who was supposed to be there for him? Shouldn't he know that there was still someone out there who loved him? But he had stood immovable in his decision. _If he knows about you, then he'll start asking questions_, he'd said. _It is best that he stays ignorant of the Wizarding world for now. It is safer that way.__  
_

But even so, she'd bent her promise to Dumbledore, and she'd gone to Platform 9 3/4 each time he was there, watching and waiting, just close enough to catch glimpses of him. Molly and Arthur told her stories of his serendipitous friendship with Ron - she was filled with overwhelming joy to know that the two boys had reunited unknowingly. They told her he was a quiet, serious boy with a kind heart and a strong sense of justice. She tried very hard to imagine his voice. He looked so much like James that it hurt, and she worried that if the day came in which she was actually able to meet him, she'd slip and treat him like her old friend without realizing it. But even so, the excitement of even being able to see him lit a fire in her chest that she hadn't felt for years.

She also knew that this meant she'd most likely have to see Remus again. She shivered with dread. Twelve years - twelve years without him. Though the hurt had dulled with time, she still felt the void from his absence. Sometimes when the bell of the apothecary door rang, she'd still imagine him standing there, waiting to take her home with that gentle smile of his. There were still evenings when she opened the door to her flat and felt the dull twinge of disappointment in realizing that it was different from the one she'd spent so many days with him in, that she would never find him sitting at her table again. Every month on the night of the full moon, she still caught herself tossing and turning in bed, staring out the window at the sky and praying that he was safe. She'd heard bits of news about him from other former Order members of his financial struggles and his steadfast pride, and she ached.

Their relationship hadn't ended so much with a bang, but more of a whisper. She still remembered that bright morning so clearly, so fresh in her mind even after all these years. She still kept his diary and all of their old photos despite knowing very well that she should have thrown them out years ago. Sometimes in her weakest moments, she'd pull out that old box of letters and trail her fingers over the old inky words he'd written her from their Hogwarts days, cherishing every line and curve, hoping that he was still out there, safe. Did he ever think of her too?

_What if, what if? _She shook herself. What did it matter?

She gazed wistfully out the window. _Remus_ - where was he now? He'd be so close to her so very soon. Did he know?

She ran her hands tiredly through her damp-with-sweat hair - now with her own few strands of gray - and pressed the messy bits back into place. September was still a ways off, but there was no time to get complacent. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin might be out there somewhere, but for now, she needed to remain vigilant. She quietly left her office and headed back to the roof. There was much work to be done.


	3. The Defense Against the Dark Arts Prof

**A/N:** Did you catch Ch. 1? THIS IS A DOUBLE POST.

Don't forget to follow so you don't miss updates! [Shameless self-promotion]

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling is a genius to whom I am eternally grateful. I will never own any of the _Harry Potter _stories or characters that my fanfiction is based off of because they all belong to her and rightfully so.

**Source: **Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Chapter** **2: The Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor**

The Hogwarts Express rolled quickly through the hills of Scotland. It was dark already with the bright yellow near-full moon in the sky. They would be arriving at the school very soon it seemed. In one particular compartment slept a very tired man in a shabby suit and a travel-worn suitcase that read "Professor R. J. Lupin." He slept soundly, cheek pressed against the window sill as the hills flashed by.

_"-fessor?"_

Remus Lupin groaned softly. That voice - did he know it? He saw orange behind his eyelids and turned his face into the hard window sill. Blackness enveloped him again. He sighed with relief. His entire body felt so heavy. He just wanted to sleep.

_"Professor!"_

He smiled faintly. That voice - he recognized _that_ voice.

_"Remus needs a new batch of doxy wings."_

Oh, doxy wings - how long had it been since he'd thought of those? He was so rubbish at Potions. How had he even passed that course?

_Laughter. _

It was such a bright sound.

_"Geez, Lupin, get it together."_

He really did need to get it together. How could he hope to pass Slughorn's class if he couldn't even cut doxy wings correctly? But how could anyone expect him to focus with her as his partner? The scent of her hair filled his nostrils. Her small hands grazed his as she reached for his knife to show him the proper way. It was a wonder that he could set his cauldron upright at all with her so close.

A chill crept into his bones. He rubbed his arms unconsciously. It was so cold.

But she was so warm. Her eyes glowed mischievously.

_"Hey, do you know what happens when you add too much doxy wing?"_ _she whispered._

He shook his head.

_She grinned. "Evan Rosier's potion looks like it needs a bit more, doesn't it?"_

He nodded. A smile tugged at his lips.

_She pulled out her wand. "Watch," she whispered. _

Remus inhaled sharply. It came raggedly. He felt it whisper away. When had it gotten so cold?

There was a faint whimper. He turned and frowned to see that where she had been before now stood a tall, dark-haired man. Remus was suddenly kneeling before him. Something cold and small was held in his hands.

Sirius - what was he doing there? He was still so young and handsome. Remus was suddenly very aware of how old and shabby he was. Sirius turned to Remus and grinned.

_"Watch,"_ _he leered. He raised his wand._

"Don't," Remus whispered. He hands trembled and clutched the small piece in his hands desperately. Where was the rest of it?

"_-ofessor!"_

"Please," Remus begged. He held Peter's finger to his chest.

"_Professor!"_

Remus gasped and jerked awake. His pupils dilated, eyes flashing dizzily as they searched for the light, but there was none. It was so very dark. His eyes focused unsteadily on the frantic face of a small girl. Her brown eyes bore into his with fear. Two redheaded siblings and a brown-haired boy stood behind her, trembling and looking pale.

"Professor, please!" she cried. Her arm was pointing out, and his gaze shot upward. His breath caught. In the doorway floated the gasping form of a dark, hooded creature. His eyes widened with understanding - _the cold_.

He then heard a whimper and looked down. The small form of a boy was trembling on the floor. He looked to be unconscious. Remus' throat tightened, and he turned his face back up to the creature. He stood steadily and stepped over the boy carefully, reaching for his wand. He turned his face up into the dark recesses of the shadowy hood.

"None of us here is hiding Sirius Black under our robes. Leave now," he declared firmly. He stared hard into the dark depths of the creature's face. It didn't move. Remus grit his teeth as the faint screaming at the back of his mind seared into his skull. Anger blossomed in his chest.

"Sirius Black is not here! Now go!" he commanded again, harder. Still the creatures hovered and stared blankly.

Shrill laughter echoed hollowly somewhere from the depths of his consciousness. Heat erupted in his stomach. His lip curled angrily, wand jabbing into the creature's face forcefully.

"_Expecto patronum!" _he snarled.

Silver light burst from the tip of his wand, enveloping the darkness. The creature shrieked distantly and shriveled backwards. He moved forward, inching the creature out of the compartment until, finally, it seemed to be sucked from the space and into the corridor. The silver light enveloped them warmly. The shrill screaming within his mind faded into a faint whisper, and then the creature was gone. The lights flickered back on.

He sighed deeply, arm falling to his side. Heat soaked into his lungs once again, bleeding into his limbs. He turned back to the group of children in the compartment. A ginger-haired girl stood in the corner, pale in the face and very wide-eyed. A round-faced boy was trembling and gaping up at him fearfully.

"W-what was that?" he gasped.

Remus frowned and scanned over the boy's face. He wore a Gryffindor tie and looked to be maybe in his Second or Third year. The roundness of his features, the kindness of that voice - he knew this boy, didn't he? He scoured his mind for an answer before it dawned on him with a sharp pang - this was Frank and Alice's son.

"Harry!"

Remus' breath caught again. He spun around to see a small black-haired boy collapsed on the floor. A redheaded boy and a girl with frizzy brown hair hovered over him in a panic. His eyes widened.

_Harry._

He raised his wand to perform a rejuvenating charm, but before he could administer it, the redhead had slapped Harry across the face. Remus cringed at the boy's choice.

"Harry! _Harry!" _he shouted into his friend's face. He slapped him once more before Harry jerked awake with a cry.

His eyes spun frantically around the room, mouth gulping for air. Remus nearly lost control of his own breath as well as he absorbed the shape of those eyes, the deep green - they were Lily's eyes.

Finally, he seemed to calm, breathing evening out into a steady rhythm. His eyes focused on his two friends in front of him and then darted up towards Remus and Neville Longbottom. His eyebrows furrowed with confusion as he looked over Remus. Remus hoped that his expression had remained neutral despite the torrent raging within him - he had promised Dumbledore to keep his relationship with the boy a secret. He broke eye contact with him and looked around quickly at the very pale, shivering forms of the children with a grimace. He reached into his jacket pocket and searched for his chocolate.

"Are you okay?" the redhead asked. Harry nodded dumbly.

"Yeah," he answered shrilly. His eyes darted to the door, still wide with fear. "Where's- where's that thing? Who screamed?" he asked. Remus frowned but finally found his chocolate bar. He pulled it from his pocket.

"No one screamed," the redhead responded with confusion. Harry's mouth twisted with some frustration.

"But I heard screaming," he urged. Remus snapped the chocolate bar in half. All the children flinched and jerked towards him.

"Here," Remus said quietly. He handed a particularly large piece to Harry, who eyed the chocolate warily. "Eat it. It will help," he urged. Harry nodded slowly and took the piece but didn't eat it. Despite the small pang in his chest, Remus ignored it for now and turned to the others.

"What was that thing?" Harry asked. His voice still trembled slightly. Remus marveled internally at how similar even his voice was to his father's, but he pushed it away.

"A Dementor," Remus answered softly. He handed a piece to the redheaded boy and realized with another stab that he must be Arthur and Molly's son Ron - there was no denying that red hair and that long nose. Had it really been so long? It was hard to connect that tiny infant he'd once played with to this lanky boy. He handed another piece to his sister. He smiled faintly at her. She, too, held all the typical Weasley features. It seemed that Molly had finally gotten her girl. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban," he explained further. Handing out the last two pieces to the brunette and Neville, he crumpled up the wrapper and slipped it back into his pocket. He realized that none of them had eaten the chocolate yet.

"Eat! It will help!" he urged. They all stared dazedly at him, each one very quiet. He smiled lopsidedly, feeling slightly embarrassed for some reason. He stood quickly and moved for the exit, hoping that the children didn't see his ears burning red. "I need to speak with the driver. Excuse me," he mumbled. He felt Harry's eyes still on him, but he kept his gaze on the door. He wasn't sure if he could hold it together if he looked too hard at him now. He slid the door open and slipped out quickly, shutting it behind him with a soft click.

He released a deep sigh, the tension in his shoulders slackening with relief. He hadn't realized how tightly wound he'd been in there. He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. His fingers missed the length that had been there until just recently, when he'd trimmed it short for this position. He couldn't believe he'd already run into Harry. They hadn't even made it to the school yet, and he'd already been forced to speak to the boy face-to-face. It was too much, too quickly. It seemed that his bad luck was following him, even here.

But it was really just a matter of time before he had to meet him again, he reasoned with a grimace. Twelve years - he couldn't believe how much time had passed since he'd last seen his friends' son. He'd heard from Dumbledore of his childhood with the Dursleys, of the trauma and experiences he'd been through since arriving at Hogwarts. He'd thought that he was ready, but he was certainly not prepared to have the re-introduction sprung on him so suddenly.

He thought of the boys' messy black hair and wiry frame - he looked exactly like James. He smiled faintly - did Rowan know? He imagined how her face would light up if she were to see him now. He remembered the way she'd rub her cheek against Harry's chubby face when he was a baby and beam so happily. Surely, she'd still do the same. He wondered how Harry would react to it now.

He shook himself and continued to the conductor's car. It wouldn't do to dwell on such matters now.

* * *

When Remus returned back to the compartment, the children were all very quiet. He immediately felt the tension again as he opened the door. His chest tightened slightly, but at the sight of their still-pale faces, the tension slipped away slightly. In Harry's hands remained the piece of chocolate he'd given him. He smiled faintly.

"I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know," he teased.

Harry jerked up with surprise at being addressed and grimaced with some embarrassment. Remus' smile broadened a bit at the expression. It seemed a little strange to pair it with James' features but then realized it was still very familiar. He remembered seeing it on Lily's face many times. Harry then turned back to the chocolate in his hands and took a tentative bite. His eyes widened as a warm flush spread through his cheeks. He flexed his fingers with some awe.

"We'll be in Hogwarts in ten minutes," Remus said to the group before turning back to the black-haired boy. "Are you all right, Harry?" he asked. Harry looked down at his hands, face screwing up with frustration.

"Fine," he muttered. Remus frowned but didn't remark on the boy's response. It was becoming more and more apparent how different he was from James and Lily, despite his familiar face.

The rest of the train ride was spent quietly. Remus kept his gaze on the window as to not corner Harry. There was a strange pull in his gut, not necessarily to speak to the boy, but to just be near him. But it was apparent that Harry was lost within his own thoughts for now and was in no mood to humor the strange musings of a washed-up old man. He kept his eyes on the approaching village in the distance. He'd have plenty of time later to get to know him.

* * *

The Beginning of Year Feast ended with loud chatter from the students as they moved in swarms for the corridors. So many black robes - so much excitement for th new school year - it was overwhelming. Remus sat at the faculty tables still in mild shock. He hoped that his face didn't show it.

He was a _professor_ now. He gazed down the table at his illustrious peers and at the now empty platters of rich foods around him. It had been ages since he'd eaten so well, years since he held a position he actually wanted. And to be a professor at Hogwarts! It still didn't quite seem right. He was aware that he only had the position because it was "cursed," but it mattered little to him. He had a job and a place to call home once again. It hardly seemed possible. He hoped that it wasn't all some cruel dream.

As he walked through the long, winding corridors alone. Memories of the past danced around him like ghosts. He heard so many of his friends' voices, all now long gone. The halls echoed of James and Sirius' laughter, of Peter's pleas to slow down. He saw Lily marching down the halls beside him, Prefect badge and fiery hair glistening in the firelight. He saw Mina's flashing grin, a witty biting remark on her lips.

And Rowan - he saw her everywhere.

Dumbledore had told him that she'd be here eventually, too, to help guard the castle. She'd recently opened a branch of her apothecary in Hogsmeade as well. He knew he could avoid crossing paths with her still - it wouldn't require a great amount of effort - but with the ghosts of their past so very near, the idea of seeing her again was nearly seductive.

He wondered if she still looked the same. Did she still keep her hair long? Did she still smile in that same way? He knew she'd never married - his father would have told him if she had. Somewhere deep down, he still hoped that it was because of him. It was cruel - he wanted her to be happy, desperately so - and yet, the dark voice that he'd spent so many years repressing still crept out from the shadows in the quiet moments, whispering that she was his, always his.

He shook himself and grimaced. He really was sick, wasn't he?

"Lupin."

Remus sighed at the drawling voice and turned. He pulled on a smile.

"Severus," he greeted politely. "How are you?" The Potions Master sneered.

"Don't think for a moment that I've accepted your presence here. Dumbledore may trust you despite all the reasons not to, but I'll be watching you," he said quietly. Remus smiled innocently.

"Oh, Severus, I'm shocked! I had no idea you felt that way," he said, feigning embarrassment. Snape bristled angrily.

"I mean it, _werewolf," _he hissed. Remus' gaze hardened at the word. "You might have convinced the Headmaster of your loyalties, but if I catch even one hint of you talking to that old mate of yours, you can be certain that I will make sure that everyone here knows what you are," he threatened lowly. Remus smiled bitterly.

"I guess it's a good thing I'm not talking to him then, isn't it?" he quipped back. Snape sneered and then turned on his heel, stalking back down the halls from whence he came.

"I'll see you bright and early tomorrow, _colleague!_" Remus called after him. Snape didn't turn back. He disappeared behind the corner without another word.

Snape - Remus glowered. It seemed that the man still hadn't let go of whatever grudge he held against the Marauders after all these years. It was pathetic, really. He couldn't understand it. Sure, he could empathize with his hatred towards Sirius and James - he grimaced at the thought of the two men - but _he_ had never personally held anything against the Potions Master. Even as the surly man held such critical information over his head, he still couldn't truly hate Snape. Sure, he didn't like him, but he didn't see any legitimate reasons that they couldn't be civil - after all, Dumbledore trusted him, didn't he? He sighed. There was no helping it now, he supposed.

White light spilled in from the high windows of the castle. He turned his face up towards the moonlight, the glowing near-full sphere now waning. Once again, images of those nights spent wandering the corridors with a certain dark-haired girl flashed in his mind. He thought of their last night at the castle at the end of their Seventh Year and how her fingers had laced through his so perfectly, the way her eyes glowed in the faint light. She'd whispered fantasies of their future together. Did she look at anyone else that way now? Did she know he still thought of her everyday?

He shook his head again - how many times had he done so today? - and set course for his room. Perhaps with sleep, the memories of the castle would fade. Perhaps her voice wouldn't be so clear in the morning.


	4. The New Wo Man in Town

**A/N:** I'm beginning to realize how much information I'm supposed to be covering in this story - Years 3-7, to be exact. That's a whole lot of time and plot. I'm worried about how long it's going to be in the end. I feel oddly guilty/conceited for writing that much. I'm going to start making the individual chapters longer so that there aren't like 100 chapters. That'd be excessive, right?

For this chapter, I'd actually gone through the entire scene with the Boggart and then realized I'd basically just copied the entire chapter straight from the book. There was obviously some alteration as it was from Remus' POV, but it seemed redundant, not to mention borderline illegal. So I've edited it down. I hope you all don't mind.

**MaeveDevine:** Thank you so much for the reviews and the well wishes! I hope you enjoy this one even more than the last story!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Hahaha I was on the subway when I read your review, and I nearly laughed out loud. I don't know if anything that dramatic would ever happen between Rowan and Remus - I think if Rowan got mad, Remus would just accept it, like a bitch - but I think there will definitely be some spells thrown when Mina sees Sirius again. Thank you for the enthusiasm and the review!

**SMGF1: **Hi! Rowan and Remus are about 34 now, so still young, but not quite as dumb haha. And Remus is definitely still in love with Rowan :]

**zmey9265:** Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear from you again! And yeah, I can't imagine what I'm going to do once it's over. I've put much more into this than I'd ever expected. I don't know how I'll fill my time when it's done...

**Nikos Pyrr:** I'm really excited about Harry meeting Rowan too! And yes, you're spot on about Hermione! She'll be meeting Rowan sooner than Harry, and their friendship is developing really well in my head. I don't know about tutoring sessions, but the kids always have their monthly trips to Hogsmeade, right? *hint hint foreshadowing*

**missalex3030:** As always, your reviews hit me deep. The way the characters interact and feel mean a lot to me, so to know that I've been able to get it across to you makes me feel like I've definitely done something right. Thank you for putting in the time to write me such meaningful responses. Like you said, your opinions matter a lot to me, so I appreciate all the time and effort all of you put in giving me feedback, even if they're just quick little messages.

**Disclaimer:** I will never own any of the _Harry Potter _stories or characters that my fanfiction contains because they all belong to J. K. Rowling and rightfully so.

**Source: **Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The New [Wo]Man in Town**

I.

Remus wiped his hands on his robes for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. As he sat at _his _desk in _his _classroom [he kept having to remind himself that he had legitimate reason to be there and that he hadn't just wandered in off the street], his leg twitched nervously. He ran a hand through his hair and once again felt the short length surprising. He brought his hand back down to the table and willed it to still.

It was the third day of classes already, and all of his lessons had gone swimmingly. Several students had even approached him after lessons to compliment him and express how excited they were for his course. Even Fred and George Weasley - much to his dismay and delight - had approached him in the Great Hall at supper the evening before with praise for his lesson on kappas.

_Our uncle Fabian used to study them!_

_Much uglier than we'd expected, but Uncle Fabian wasn't much of a looker either._

_Match made in heaven, eh?_ They'd chorused.

He'd smiled kindly at them and thanked them for their compliments while thinking back achingly to their uncle, his old mentor. Of course they didn't remember him, didn't realize how spot on their words were. After all, they'd only been three when he'd last seen them - how could they have remembered? But still, it hurt much more than he'd ever expected to see those tiny boys almost fully grown and so much like Gideon and Fabian. He wondered how much they'd naturally inherited from the Prewett side and how much they'd instinctively absorbed from the older men as toddlers. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of the two older twins channeling their spirits through the younger men. He couldn't imagine how chaotic the Order would have been with _both_ pairs interacting together. His smile broadened at the thought.

But even if the lessons from the days before had gone well, this one was different. _Harry _was in this one.

He had prepared an incredible lesson, he was sure - one that would really impress Harry and his classmates. He knew it was ridiculous to be so intent on making a good impression with this boy - he was only 13, after all - but for some reason, seeing his young face had thrust Remus back into his first days at Hogwarts. He felt like that nervous 11 year-old boy again, determined to please that charismatic trio of Black, Potter, and Delacroix; dumbstruck that they wanted anything to even do with him. Again, the ludicrousness of it all sang at the back of his mind - Harry clearly wasn't James, and Remus was now a 34 year-old man - but the anxiety still remained.

A bell was heard, indicating the end of the first period. Slowly, the Third Year students started trickling into the classroom. He sat at the edge of his desk, hoping desperately that he looked casual and kept a neutral smile on his face. When he saw out of the corner of his eye the boy with messy hair and round glasses enter the room with his two friends, he consciously kept his eyes off of him, forcing himself to let his gaze wander over the rest of the children at a slow tempo. When he was sure everyone was present, he pushed off from his desk.

"Good afternoon," he said. "Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today's will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands."

A few students exchanged wary looks. He smiled.

"Right then," he said, when everyone was ready. "If you'd follow me."

He made a path for the door and led the students out of the classroom. He heard a few murmurs among them. He hoped his gait seemed confident. They marched quietly down the corridor, around a corner, and then stopped. Peeves the Poltergeist was floating upside down and stuffing a keyhole with a pink wad of chewing gum. Remus sighed quietly and approached the poltergeist. When he finally looked up, he cackled maniacally.

"Loony, loopy Lupin," Peeves sang. "Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin-"

"I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves," he said pleasantly, willing himself to remain patient. "Mr. Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms." He nearly smiled at the title - it sounded unnatural to call the caretaker "Mr." after so many years of watching his friends harass the old man as a student; however, Peeves didn't seem to care and blew a loud, wet raspberry. Remus thought amusedly that he might have picked the gesture up from Rowan many years ago.

But he sighed and took out his wand.

"This is a useful little spell," he told the class over his shoulder. "Please watch closely."

He raised the wand to shoulder height, said, _"Waddiwasi!_" and pointed it at Peeves.

There was a shot, then a violent thump, followed by a shriek of pain and vulgar cursing. Peeves sped down the hall, clutching his nose in pain, where the wad of gum had now been lodged. His curses at Remus echoed comically. Remus had to suppress a satisfied grin - he'd never been fond of that damn Peeves.

"Cool, sir!" said Dean Thomas in amazement.

"Thank you, Dean," said Remus, putting his wand away again. He hoped he didn't look too proud. Clearing his throat, he turned slightly and smiled. "Shall we proceed?"

They set off again, and the murmurs now sounded a bit louder. Remus hoped they were positive, ears slightly warm with embarrassment at being forced into the spotlight so quickly. Finally, they reached the staffroom.

"Inside, please," he said, opening it and standing back.

The students filed in with hushed excitement. Remus scanned his eyes over the heads of the children, who were all still smaller than he, though he noted a few heads poking up from the crowd, such as lanky Ron Weasley's. As the last hurried in, Remus followed and saw Snape, of all professors, sitting in a low armchair with a nasty sneer pulled across his face. Remus kept the pleasant smile he'd mastered plastered to his face, but as he began to pull the door shut, Snape stood up, snapping his book shut.

"Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this," he drawled. He got to his feet and strode past the class towards him, his black robes billowing like a great bat, Remus mused. He threw Remus a cursory side glance as he stalked past him but then stopped at the doorway and turned on his heel.

"Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult - not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear," he sneered. Remus could feel the underlying challenge. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the round-faced Neville turn scarlet and the venomous glare on Harry's face directed at the Potions Master. Remus nearly smiled - it seemed the distaste for Snape was an inheritable trait.

But Neville - he hadn't even taken the Longbottom boy into consideration while planning his lesson, but now that he'd been so rudely called out by Snape, perhaps _he_ was the one Remus should have thought of instead of Harry. A pinging thought blossomed in his chest. He smiled.

"Actually, I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation," Remus said lightly, though he threw Snape a hard, warning look, "and I am sure he will perform it admirably." He smiled coldly at his colleague - he would tolerate the greasy man's cutting words directed at him, but he wouldn't allow his bitterness to be thrown at mere students in his presence - certainly not Frank and Alice's son. Snape's lip curled, and Remus knew smugly that he'd won. Snape turned and shut the door behind him with a curt snap.

"Now, then," he said with mild satisfaction. He turned and smiled. He felt that glow of pride once more as he saw the victorious look on Harry's face. He cleared his throat, gathering his focus again, and beckoned the class toward the end of the room. A tall wardrobe stood daunting and old. As he approached, it gave a loud rattle, banging against the wall. He turned and smiled at the apprehensive expressions on the children's faces. The nervousness began to settle into his chest again as they watched him. He took a deep breath.

"Now, inside this wardrobe is what we call a Boggart."

* * *

There was a loud cracking _bang_ followed by the roar of cheers. Neville Longbottom stood in the middle of the room, eyes wide and mouth agape with amazement. He seemed to be lost, convinced that he might wake from a dream at any moment.

"Excellent!" Remus cried, as the Boggart exploded into black smoke. He tried desperately to keep a straight face, but he grinned anyway. He wanted to cheer just as loudly as the children. His chest was warm with pride. "Excellent, Neville! Excellent!" he praised. He moved forward and grasped the round-faced boy's shoulder, and his grin grew even broader at Neville's expression. Neville looked up dumbly. Slowly, a bright smile stretched across his face. He seemed to grow a couple of inches, eyes positively glowing. Remus gave him another proud smile before turning the rest of the class. They were all laughing and beaming at him.

Was this what is was like to love one's work?

"Well done, everyone! Let's see... five points to Gryffindor for every person to tackle the Boggart, ten for Neville because he did it twice, and five each to Hermione and Harry."

"But I didn't do anything," Harry protested quietly. He frowned deeply. Remus' stomach clenched a pinch, but he smiled still.

"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of the class, Harry," he said lightly. He made sure to not look too hard at him, kicking himself as Harry's disappointed expression sobered him quickly. "Very well, everyone, an excellent lesson. Homework: kindly read the chapter on Boggarts and summarize it for me, to be handed in on Monday. That will be all."

Excited chatter filled the staffroom as the children hauled their bags to their shoulders and trickled out. He saw Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas imitating the Boggart comically with Neville still in a daze. Remus stole a few glances at Harry as he left with Ron and Hermione. Though his friends rattled enthusiastically beside him, the deep frown remained - he seemed much more disappointed than Remus had expected. Perhaps he should try to talk to him later about it.

He sighed, leaning against the edge of a nearby table and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe he'd been so short-sighted as to not consider Harry's reaction to the Boggart. It had certainly been a winning lesson, but he should have realized the fault in his logic while planning it. He'd nearly slipped up there - he was lucky he'd been able to catch his mistake in time, before the most feared Dark wizard in all of magic history materialized in his classroom.

The anxiety from before seeped from his muscles slowly as the staffroom was once again filled with silence. He thought of Harry's furrowed brow and the disappointed look on his face as he'd left. Was there an inconspicuous way of speaking to him? He then craned his head toward the tall window. The bright afternoon sun bled into the classroom. From so high up, all he could see were the quiet mountains, but below, he knew the village of Hogsmeade was abuzz with activity. His chest ached slightly knowing that the woman who had once been a part of that charismatic trio of his childhood was down there, somewhere.

* * *

II.

_She's so much younger than I thought she'd be!_

_She brews the best cough tonic, you know - even has different flavors! Been going all the way to her London shop for years just for that!_

_I heard Dumbledore asked her personally to expand here. Do you think maybe she'll be taking over the Potions position at Hogwarts from Professor Snape soon?_

_Oh, I certainly hope so. That man is absolutely dreadful!_

Rowan Delacroix sighed as the voices of passerby witches and wizards floated in from the street through the open windows. A few even poked their heads in to get a better look at the new apothecary and the Potions Master that came with it. Rowan's friend and colleague Professor Amrit Kohli sat serenely at the counter with a cup of chamomile tea and the day's _Daily Prophet_ as Rowan went through her inventory of boxes. Rowan eyed her flowing sapphire robes and sleek inky hair enviously. Even on her days not filled with unpacking boxes of potion making equipment, she could never look so effortlessly elegant. It seemed to be one of the only skills the older woman was incapable of teaching Rowan._  
_

"Looks like you're quite the popular one here already, _Master_ Delacroix," Amrit teased. Rowan groaned. Amrit grinned, knowing how much it irked Rowan to be addressed with her formal title.

"I don't understand why people are so excited. It's just an apothecary," she reasoned. "And I have no idea where they're getting those ideas about me taking over for Snape - he'd probably rather skin a unicorn than relinquish any position to me."

Amrit just smiled pleasantly, long accustomed to Rowan's more vulgar anecdotes. "Well, you can't blame them for a little bit of excitement. No doubt there'll be some extra revenue coming into the village now with you here."

Rowan shrugged. The village certainly didn't need anymore revenue - it was already quite a wealthy town from the money that flowed in from the castle above. But still, a part of her felt warm at knowing how eager the villagers were to have her there. She'd been nervous about the new location. Most of the wizarding world knew about her field of research, and there were many who opposed it. It was a relief to know there weren't many here who did, though she supposed it was a liberal, academic town. It made sense that the residents would be open-minded enough to at least keep any negative opinions to themselves.

"You sure you don't need any help unpacking?" Amrit asked.

Rowan shook her head. "No, it's okay. I just appreciate you coming here on your day off to keep me company - I'm sure you're tired from work and chasing after Aari," Rowan said over a pile of boxes. Amrit smiled and turned back to her paper.

While in Hungary, Rowan had found out slowly that Amrit and Lescos were _together_, not just as colleagues, but as lovers. It was a strange, slow realization, and Rowan had frequently found herself staring hard at the two other researchers while in the wilderness, trying desperately to figure out the nature of their relationship. Eventually, she just bluntly asked Amrit, who cocked her head quizzically like a bird and answered, "Well, we're together, of course. Did you really not know this entire time?"

No, she hadn't - no one had ever said anything or even hinted at it. Surely, she wasn't the only one ignorant of their relationship! The two were hardly affectionate with each other in public beyond the usual pleasantries shared between close friends. They didn't share rings or names, and the most intimate gesture she'd ever seen exchanged was hand-holding, and even that was not often. But a year after they'd returned from the continent, Amrit and Lescos had announced that they were expecting a child together.

It was certainly a non-traditional arrangement, but it seemed to work for the family, regardless of marriage licenses or lack thereof. As Rowan had watched the two older colleagues raise their daughter Aarini - a precocious and bubbly little girl - her mind had trailed every so often to the relationship she'd once had with Remus.

When she'd been 19, she'd been confronted with the question of whether she'd ever be able to accept a relationship with Remus without marriage. Looking back on it now, she was horrified that she'd even considered the question at that age at all! She'd barely been an adult - more of a woman-child, really. It was the height of naivety to think she was even _close_ to mature enough to make such a commitment. Even now at 34, she didn't know if she was capable of it. She cringed - well, she hadn't had a serious relationship since Remus, so it wasn't exactly an option. How the Weasleys had managed so young with so many children, she had no idea.

"Have you heard from her yet?" Rowan asked, shaking herself from her labyrinth of brooding. "Do you know where she was placed?"

Amrit beamed. "She sent us an owl yesterday actually and informs us that she has been happily placed into Gryffindor, not like it was much of a question," she answered amusedly. lips quirking upward. Rowan grinned - Amrit had been a Ravenclaw, and Lescos a Hufflepuff, but Aarini certainly had a mind of her own. Before leaving for her First Year, she'd made sure that all of the adults knew she had every intention of being placed into Gryffindor.

_Like Fred and George!_ she'd exclaimed.

Smiling, Rowan got to unpacking her new equipment. Her new cauldrons and glass shined brilliantly in the autumn light. She grinned giddily to herself as she set all of it out on the tables and benches - she hadn't had new potion making materials in many years, but if there were any time to splurge on some new equipment, the time was now, right?

Several hours passed, and soon, the orange sun was creeping down to the horizon. Amrit had eventually insisted on assisting Rowan, who finally relented, and she had to admit that the unpacking proceeded quickly after with the additional help. When the longing feeling of evening began to set in, a bell was heard at the door.

"Hello?"

Rowan looked up to see her apprentice Claire stepping in tentatively, large eyes peering around. Rowan smiled and waved from her spot on the floor. Claire's face lit up and hurried over, allowing the door to swing shut behind her.

"What're you doing here?" Rowan asked, though scooting over to allow Claire a spot next to her by a low shelf. Claire plopped down between her and Amrit. The older woman smiled kindly at her.

"Isaac showed up and said he'd close shop in London, so I figured I should come help you out," she said cheerfully. "Also, you forgot your goggles." She handed Rowan an enormous pair of industrial-grade laboratory goggles with a thick black elastic band. Rowan grinned knowingly as she took the goggles.

"Really? It has nothing to do with the fact that a certain Auror is stopping by soon?" she teased. Claire blushed to her roots and avoided Rowan's eye.

"I-I don't know what you're on about!" she stammered. She then thrust a hand into the box in front of them and busied herself frantically with organizing a few vials on the shelf. Rowan craned her neck over her apprentice and shared a grin with Amrit.

Though Rowan would have usually prodded Claire's buttons a little more - how she loved to tease her high-strung apprentice - she had to stop, as another bell was heard from the door. Rowan and Amrit glanced up, but Claire froze. Her gaze remained on the shelves in front of her, back stiff as a board. Rowan had to keep the grin off of her face.

"The Surrey siblings!" she exclaimed grandly, flailing her arms. "So good to see you!"

Mina shot her an exasperated look, but her younger brother William beamed. He craned his neck and stared openly around him at the new store.

"_Wow,_ this place has really cleaned up well," he marveled. "I can't believe this is the same dump from before. You really ought to pay that architect more."

Rowan groaned. "He already charged me an arm and leg for this place. And we'll see if it's as profitable as it is shiny," she said. Will whistled, impressed.

Mina frowned. "Why wouldn't it be profitable? Your London location's practically monopolized the industry," she reasoned.

"Hogsmeade's not exactly full of the same clientele," Rowan sighed. "Most of the revenue in the village comes from the students, and whatever potions they need they can get from the faculty usually."

"Can't you work out a contract with the school, as a supplier or something? I can't imagine old Snivellus wanting to rely on you for potion-making supplies, but the rest of the faculty needs basic potions just as much as the rest of us."

Rowan shrugged. "They can get pretty much all their needs from Snape. I think it's in his contract that he supply the rest of the faculty with anything. I'm trying to work out a partnership with Zonko's for some commissions though. They're interested in developing a few new formulas for some of their prank candies and have asked if I'd be interested."

Mina grinned. "Sounds much more up your alley than any boring arthritic potions for Babbling," she noted. Rowan smiled sheepishly and nodded.

"Yeah, and I'd rake in a lot more profit if that deal managed to go through, but I'm not sure if I want to work with them. They don't seem like very reliable business partners."

"Why don't you ask Isaac to look over the paperwork? He's always been good at that sort of thing," Amrit suggested. Rowan nodded in agreement - the older woman was always her voice of reason.

Suddenly there was a growl. They all turned to see Will clutching his stomach with a grimace.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so fucking hungry. Can we go eat?" he moaned. Mina slapped a hand to her face. Rowan laughed.

* * *

As Amrit and Claire waved goodbye - Amrit had insisted she need to get home to Lescos and Claire had stammered out some excuse for leaving while avoiding eye contact with Will - the Surrey siblings and Rowan headed off for the Three Broomsticks, chatting animatedly amongst themselves. Rowan took in the evening air of the Scotland hills with great relish. She laced her arm through Mina's nostalgically as she thought of all of their Saturday afternoons there as teenagers. Mina seemed to read her mind and shot her a content smile.

The three got to casual updates about work and personal lives. Or rather, Will told the two older women about _his_ personal life, as Rowan and Mina spent most of their energy on work, neither at all inclined to date anymore. The 28 year-old informed them that he'd been casually seeing a young woman who worked in the Obliviator Headquarters at the Ministry. Apparently, she was blonde, pretty, and very dim.

"She'd never even heard of a telephone before! I mean, how can you work in Muggle relations and know nothing about Muggles?" he asked incredulously.

"So why are you seeing her then?" Mina asked with an incredulous glare. She clearly wasn't impressed with Will's latest choice of partner, as usual. Will shrugged.

"She's there, and she's attractive, so why not? I don't have to want to marry her to shag her," he reasoned. Mina rolled her eyes and took an exasperated swig from her butterbeer. Rowan shook her head but smiled patiently. She thought of her poor apprentice and decided to keep this latest fling of Will's to herself. It would pass soon enough anyway - the young man, like his older sister, was just too damn attractive for his own good.

The mood quickly turned to dark subject, however, as the reason for their gathering came up - Sirius Black.

"He was spotted not far from here by a Muggle woman," Will said gravely. Mina stared hard into her dinner. Rowan nodded.

"You're sure? How far?" she urged.

"A few towns over, maybe 85 kilometers," he answered. "She spotted him early this morning while letting her cats out, but by the time her call to the Muggle operators made it to our authorities, he was long gone. I imagine he'll be here within the next day at most."

Rowan grimaced. A day for a man, perhaps, but she knew he was most likely moving much faster. She kept her gaze off of Mina, guilt eating at her anxiously.

As time had passed, it had become more and more apparent to Rowan that Mina was unaware of Sirius' Animagi abilities, which meant that the only people alive who knew were her and Remus. It was difficult to believe that Sirius had kept it from her over the years. After all, it wasn't as if Mina were unaware of Remus' condition. When news of Sirius' escape had broken, Rowan had wrestled desperately with the choice of telling Dumbledore this information or keeping it to herself. While Sirius would undoubtedly be transforming to go undetected, she couldn't just give this information up so readily - not when it might cost Remus his position at Hogwarts.

She knew that if she were to tell Mina, Mina would have no reservations about giving up Remus' secret - after all, he'd turned his backs on _them_ without another thought. But despite all that had happened between them, Rowan knew his well-being was still just as important to her now as it was back then - she would keep this knowledge to herself for now._  
_

"So what's the plan then?" she continued.

"We're already setting up stronger protective spells around the castle and posting more Aurors here, particularly on the night watch. I'll be here personally every other night to ensure he doesn't get in," Mina answered fiercely, almost angrily. Rowan was slightly taken aback by her harsh tone.

"I don't understand why Dumbledore won't let us send more Dementors in. If anything is going to sense him, it'd be them," Will said.

Mina shook her head. "No, he already escaped Azkaban where their hold is ten times stronger than here - they obviously have very little effect on him. No, we can't leave it up to them. It has to be one of us," she insisted.

Rowan watched Mina warily. She still hadn't looked up from her plate, but her gaze was hard. Will didn't seem to notice, but Rowan noted the quiet intensity in her friend. She felt as if Mina were speaking to push _herself_ to catch Sirius, not argue a point.

"We were thinking maybe you could set up some Disillusionment Breakers, actually," Will piped up again, directed at Rowan. "There aren't a whole lot who can top yours, even in our department. It'd be good to have you on that team if you have any free time to spare." He grinned at Rowan, who pushed a returning smile to her face and nodded.

"Sure," she said. "Of course."

* * *

"Gah, that was a good meal. I'm stuffed!"

Will stretched his arms high above his head as the three stepped out of the Three Broomsticks into the night. He patted his belly with satisfaction and looked around him casually. Rowan watched his easy countenance for a moment and realized with a dull pang that he had grown to be very much like the Sirius they'd once known. She remembered how much Will had admired Sirius as a boy and wondered how much of his mannerisms he'd retained unknowingly, despite his current deep hatred for the man who'd broken his sister's heart. She frowned. She didn't want to know what Will would do to Sirius if he were to catch him first.

Will walked on ahead, leading Rowan and Mina back to Rowan's new shop. There was a small flat on the second floor of the building, which was where she would be staying. She and Mina walked slowly. The senior Auror was clearly lost in thought. Rowan pushed through the mire of her own before working up the question she wanted to ask.

"What will you do... if we catch him?" Rowan asked quietly.

Mina stiffened slightly. Rowan saw her lips twist in conflict before settling into a dark grimace.

"I'm going to kill him," Mina whispered.

Rowan blanched. Her throat clenched painfully at her friend's response.

"You can't be serious," she responded quickly.

Mina's mouth trembled - Rowan wasn't sure if it was from anger. "You know I am. If I'm the one to catch him - and I'm going to make sure that I am - I'm going to kill him." Her eyes flashed dangerously. "I've thought about it for a long time. After what he did, after all that we've been through..." Her voice shook, as if working desperately to hold her poise. "He deserves to die. I'm not taking him back to Azkaban where he can just escape again. I'm going to make sure that he can never hurt anyone again."

"Mina..." Rowan started hesitantly, "do you really think he-"

"We've talked about this a million times already, Winnie," Mina cut off sharply, "and no matter how much we try to argue around it, there's no denying what he's done, what he did. And we owe it to our friends to end this once and for all. We've waited long enough." She took a shaky breath, anger seeping out of her every pore. "We don't have the luxury of talking around it anymore. I'm done trying to find the innocent, so you should too."

Rowan didn't quite believe her, but she nodded and kept silent. She knew Mina still had her doubts regarding all that had transpired twelve years ago - they both did - but no matter what she said at that moment, Mina wouldn't listen. She sighed quietly and looked out into the hills around them. She wondered if Sirius was out there already. She wondered if Mina truly would be the one to find him.


	5. March 10, 1982

**A/N:** ANOTHER DOUBLE POST.

A short interlude. I'll probably inject a few of these here and there in either the form of letters or vignettes, not necessarily in chronological order or even revolving around Remus and Rowan, though they'll be the major focus obviously. I feel like they add a different layer of depth and a glimpse into what occurred during the time jump between this story and the last. I'll admit that I took some inspiration from Haruki Murakami's _The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles_ and Elizabeth Kostova's _The Historian._ I highly recommend both.

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling is a genius to whom I am eternally grateful. I will never own any of the _Harry Potter _stories or characters that my fanfiction is based off of because they all belong to her and rightfully so.

* * *

**Chapter 4: March 10, 1982**

Dear Remus,

Happy birthday. It feels a bit odd for me to be writing that to you, doesn't it? I don't think I've ever written those words to you in all the time that we've known each other - this is the first birthday we've spent apart since our First Year at Hogwarts, after all.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing at all to be honest. I can't imagine you'll read this - do you even have this diary anymore? And even if you were to read it, what good would it do? I'm going against all of my better judgment in doing this - I'm still not even sure why I brought this with me - but when I realized the date, I just couldn't help but pick up my quill, the one you gave me for my 17th birthday, and write to you. I don't know if I ever told you how much I love this quill, but I really do. It makes me feel as if I'm writing with a sliver of smoke. Sounds a bit melodramatic, doesn't it?

I imagine you've heard from your dad by now that I'm in Hungary with Amrit and Lescos. We've been here for about a month now, in a tiny village in the mountains called Porva. I had expected the mountains to be higher up like those dramatic images one sees in adventure books, but "hills" seems like a more appropriate description. It's obviously still very cold here, but the first signs of spring have begun to pop up through the frost. I imagine it will be beautifully green in just a few weeks.

Speaking of green, the flowers haven't bloomed yet, obviously. I'd originally wanted to wait a month before coming, but Amrit suggested that studying the flowers' blooming process might be prudent, which I see now was an insightful decision - yet another reason why I admire her. The field was so different from the one I'd seen in Belby's memories when we first arrived. I suppose it's still winter and 20 years can really change a place, but as I walked through the forest, it were as if I could see him stepping briskly beside me. I haven't missed him so much in a long time.

Porva itself seems trapped in a small piece of time from the past. It's such a tiny village, maybe 500 people at the very most, including travelers. Everyone seems to know each other, and the town feels as if it's remained the same for perhaps the better half of the last millennium, though I'm sure that's not true at all. I've been trying to get to know the local language a little since I don't know how long we'll be here and don't want to rely on Lescos the entire time. I met a few men who speak a bit of English, so it's been both entertaining and frustrating teaching each other our respective languages.

The Muggles say there was a secret treasure stored in the old abandoned monastery here, stolen by the Turks several centuries ago. When I told Lescos this, he just laughed at me, saying that it's a rumor the wizarding community began long ago to hide the truth of what it really was: the monastery was actually an old wizarding school for the magical children in the rural mountains. But when the eastern wizards who came with the invading Turks threatened to steal their school's secrets, the order of wizards running the school abandoned it and moved westward, taking the students and the rest of the magic community in the area with them. He said the local wizards call it the Scholars' Pilgrammage. It made me a bit regretful that I didn't pay much attention in History of Magic. Did Professor Binns cover medieval Central Europe? I still have no idea how you and Lily were ever able to stay awake during that class.

Beyond exploring the town and getting accustomed to the culture, I've been harvesting samples of the flowers and studying their dormant states while waiting for spring to come. It seems that there is a permanent layer of dirt beneath my fingernails now. I'll admit I'm pretty nervous because the flowers don't seem at all special or useful as they are now. I think I've found some magical uses for the root, but they don't seem promising in regards to what I want. Master Belby wrote a few things about "temporal harvesting" in his notes, so I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what happens when they bloom.

I have to admit, sometimes I find myself sitting in the cold field alone and wondering how my life has come to this. If you'd asked me five years ago what I would be doing today, the last thing I would have guessed is sitting in the frozen dirt in the mountains of Hungary alone. I keep telling myself it's because it's so gray here and I'm cold and homesick, but really, there are times when I can't stand it and am filled with such anxiety that I want to give up entirely and just come home. Mina mentioned in her last letter that Suzanne Bowlin just got engaged. It put me in a bad state, making me wonder if one day I would ever be that girl, and as I looked around at my hands covered in dead wilting plants and soil, I found myself crying. When I got home, Amrit told me I had mud smeared all over my face, and I realized I'd wiped the tears away with my dirty hands. I hadn't felt so pathetic in a long time.

It's times like these when I really can't stand the thought of you. I don't know if I'd ever tell you this to your face. I feel like the nature of written word creates a safe buffer between us that provides me the freedom to say it without remorse: there are really, truly times when the very thought of you makes me feel sick. I feel bitter and resentful and angry. I really think that I hate you. I hate Sirius for taking all of you away, and I hate Master Belby for leaving me behind to do all of this alone. I then wonder where you are and hope that you can somehow feel all of it, that you deserve to.

But these moments come less and less frequently now. In those moments when that anger does come, I step outside of the field or out of the cottage that Amrit, Lescos and I share and look out into the hills, and then I feel very small, and things between us don't seem so important anymore. Sometimes I imagine myself falling down those hills and rolling into the grass down below, tumbling through the Muggle villages and taking everything in my path, and the image is so absurd that the anger disappears. So even though I don't think it will happen anytime soon, I'm fairly confident that one day I'll wake up and realize I haven't thought about you at all in a very long time. Maybe we can be friends again when that time comes.

The full moon should be coming in a week. I really hope you go to see Isaac, if not for yourself then for your dad, who worries about you incessantly. If you don't want to see Isaac, Markl Hallmeister in Wimbourne has also started distributing the potion out of his apothecary for free with permission from our shop. It tastes horrid though. I recommend chasing it with a slice of bread. I've heard a bit of butter helps as well.

Anyway, I really do hope you're enjoying your birthday. Perhaps not next year, but the year after, we will be at a place where we can celebrate together again as friends.

- Rowan


	6. The Felon on the Run

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, though I feel like it really wasn't much of a wait haha. Maybe I've set a bad precedent by updating so quickly right at the start. There's a lot to this chapter. It's like 3 packed into 1.

**MaeveDevine:** Thank you! I'm excited to be writing from Remus' POV again too! Thanks so much for the review!

**eighteenethavenue:** Wow, you powered through the chapters fast! Thank you so much for reading and all the favoriting/following! Here's that update!

**missalex3030:** Thank you for the critique! I'm still feeling my way around the idea of letters as a medium, so it makes sense that you felt the last chapter was a bit lacking. I'll keep tweaking the ones I've written up so far with your critiques in mind!

**SMGF1: **Thanks for the reviews! They have grown a lot, haven't they? As for your last review, I don't think she's not in love with him anymore. I think she still is very much, which is why she's so lonely. There's a fine line between love and hate.

**Disclaimer:** I will never own any of the _Harry Potter _stories or characters that my fanfiction contains because they all belong to J. K. Rowling and rightfully so.

**Source: **Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

**REVIEW ME!**

* * *

**Chapter 5: The Felon on the Run**

I.

September passed quickly, as did October. Despite his high nerves at the beginning of the year, Remus' lessons were going very well. He was proud to say that his students were very fond of him, save a few Slytherins. He'd even go so far as to assume that Harry was greatly enjoying his class. He'd heard that Snape had been bullying Neville even more over the past few weeks ever since he'd gotten wind of the Boggart incident, which was regrettable, but he tried to make it up to Neville by boosting his confidence in his own class and even inviting him for tea a few times to discuss Herbology. Even if Neville's fear of Snape had worsened, Remus was pleased to see him standing with a little more confidence in his class at least.

However, Halloween was now upon them, and he still hadn't had a real one-on-one conversation with Harry. He knew that it was for the best - after all, he'd promised Dumbledore to maintain a decent distance - but it still bothered him. His best friends' son was so very close, not even an arm's length away at times, and yet the space between them remained substantial. He tried to push the thought from his mind as best as he could.

It was bright and sunny this afternoon. The castle was quiet with most of the students out for the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. Remus thought back to the few afternoons when he was a students and had chosen to stay behind for the rare luxury of silence.

_You certainly missed out today. Honeydukes had a huge sale on chocolate bars! You're lucky I thought to stock up for you. Well? You may praise me now!_

He sighed. Despite being there for two months, Remus still heard her voice around every corner. He found himself frequently staring out the window at the village below, wondering which tiny plot was hers. Minerva and Filius had invited him out for drinks in town a few times, but he'd had to decline out of fear that he'd see her. He imagined her shop was thriving - most things she touched did - and the thought of seeing her so successful in contrast to his own shabby appearance twisted his stomach sharply. Would she look at him with pity? With self-righteousness? Did she still bear her resentment towards him?

But as his thoughts wandered down that dark path again, he saw a mop of messy black hair flash past his office door. He frowned. "Harry?" he called.

The footsteps stopped and then came back tentatively until that mop of hair poked its head into his office. Harry stood there looking like someone trying desperately not to appear lonely.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked. He'd never seen him alone in the two months he'd been there. "Where are Ron and Hermione?"

"Hogsmeade," said Harry said in forced-casual tone. Remus nodded in understanding.

"Ah," he said. He vaguely remembered Minerva mentioning that his uncle had refused to sign his permission slip. It explained Harry's forlorn expression. He considered the boy for a moment, who was gazing intensely at him, almost unnervingly. Inviting him for a brief conversation wouldn't hurt, would it? He decided it was fine. "Why don't you come in? I've just taken delivery of a Grindylow for our next lesson."

Harry frowned. "A what?" he asked.

He walked farther into the office, and Remus gestured to a small tank on his desk where a sickly green creature was kept. Its face was pressed menacingly against the glass. Harry's face screwed up a bit with mild disgust.

"Water demon," Remus said lightly. He looked over the Grindylow thoughtfully. "The trick is to break his grip. You notice the abnormally long fingers? Strong, but very brittle."

The Grindylow bared its green teeth and then buried itself in a tangle of weeds in a corner.

"Cup of tea?" Remus offered. He looked around for his kettle dumbly and then realized it was sitting on his desk. "I was just thinking of making one."

"All right," said Harry awkwardly. He stood in front of Remus, hands fidgeting as if he were hyper aware of them. Remus chose to ignore it for the moment. A part of him was quite relieved that he was not the only nervous one. He tapped the kettle with his wand and a blast of steam issued suddenly from the spout.

"Sit down," Remus gestured, taking the lid off a dusty tin. Harry sat hesitantly on one of the old leather chairs. "I've only got teabags, I'm afraid - but I daresay you've had enough of tea leaves?" Remus said. He glanced over at the Harry, wondering how far he could push him.

The boy looked up at him with some shock. Remus smiled.

"How did you know about that?" he asked, looking slightly horrified.

"Professor McGonagall told me," Remus said lightly, passing Harry a chipped mug of tea. He glanced over at him as he poured himself a cup. "You're not worried, are you?"

"No," said Harry firmly. Remus had the impression that he was trying to convince himself more than Remus. His face continued to pull downward, until he was frowning heavily. As Remus sat down the seat opposite of Harry, he eyed him carefully.

"Something worrying you?" he asked.

"No," Harry answered quickly. He took a large gulp of tea and then looked over at the Grindylow again, which was brandishing an angry fist at them. Remus watched the creature vaguely and jumped slightly when Harry suddenly changed his mind: "Yes," he said. He placed his mug down on the table between them with a clunk and seemed to be gathering up his courage. He looked hard at Remus, who held his gaze apprehensively.

"You know that day we fought the Boggart?" Remus frowned.

"Yes," he answered slowly. Harry's mouth twitched slightly.

"Why didn't you let me fight it?" he asked bluntly.

Remus felt his eyebrows shoot to his forehead.

"I would have thought that was obvious, Harry," he said incredulously. How did he not realize?

Harry looked surprised at Remus' answer. He sat dumbstruck for a moment before drawing himself forward again.

"Why?" he asked.

"Well, I assumed that if the Boggart faced you, it would assume the shape of Lord Voldemort," Remus answered honestly, frowning. This seemed very familiar. Lily had had a strange penchant for interrogating him, too.

Harry stared openly. Remus could see his thoughts flickering across his face for a moment. Was what he said really that surprising?

"Clearly, I was wrong," Remus continued, still frowning at Harry. "But I didn't think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialize in the staffroom. I imagined that people would panic. You understand, don't you?"

Harry nodded. The information seemed to trickle over him slowly. Remus realized how much this had been weighing on Harry's mind for the past two months. It was unsettling.

"I didn't think of Voldemort," he finally answered slowly. "I-I remembered those Dementors."

_Ah._

"I see," Remus conceded quietly. A Dementor probably wouldn't have gone over well with the class either. "Well, I have to say that I'm impressed." He smiled slightly at the look of surprise on Harry's face. "That suggests that what you fear most of all is fear. Very wise, Harry."

Harry turned slightly pink at the compliment and took another great gulp of tea.

"So you've been thinking that I didn't believe you capable of fighting the Boggart?" Remus urged.

"Well... yeah," admitted Harry sheepishly. He shifted with a bit of embarrassment but suddenly looked much lighter. A quiet smile pulled at his lips. "Professor Lupin, you know the Dementors-"

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Remus looked up.

"Come in," he called.

The door opened, and those familiar black robes came billowing in. In his hand was a goblet, which was emitting an eerie smoke. He stopped at the sight of Harry, eyes piercing into the boy.

"Ah, Severus," Remus greeted. _Leave the boy alone_. "Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?"

Snape set down the smoking goblet, his eyes wandering between Harry and Remus. Still, he said nothing. Remus felt a twinge of annoyance.

"I was just showing Harry my Grindylow," Remus continued politely, gesturing to the tank.

"Fascinating," said Snape dully, though he didn't look at it. "You should drink that directly, Lupin."

Remus nodded. "Yes. Yes, I will," he said. He offered a smile.

"I made an entire cauldronful," Snape continued. "If you need more."

"I should probably have some again tomorrow." _You already know that, you git._ "Thanks very much, Severus."

"Not at all," Snape said monotonously. He remained expressionless and backed out of the office without another word. He closed the door quietly shut behind him. Remus felt that pinch of annoyance again before turning back to Harry, who was eyeing the smoking goblet suspiciously. Remus smiled.

"Professor Snape has very kindly concocted a potion for me," he explained. "I have never been much of a potion-brewer, and this one is particularly complex." He picked up the goblet and sniffed it. "Pity sugar makes it useless," he added, taking a sip and shuddering. He wondered if Rowan had purposely made it so bitter to spite him.

"Why...?" Harry began.

"I've been feeling a bit off-color," Remus said casually, cutting him off. He had no doubt Harry was open-minded enough to see past his condition, but if word were to get out... He shuddered to think. "This potion is the only thing that helps. I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren't many witches or wizards who are up to making it."

_There's one just down the hill, you prat_, he thought to himself sourly. _You're just a coward._

Remus took another sip. The bitterness effectively knocked the negative thoughts from his head. Harry continued to watch Remus drink the potion with an almost incredulous look.

"Professor Snape's very interested in the Dark Arts," he blurted out. Remus nearly snorted.

"Really?" he said mildly. _No kidding,_ he thought. But if Dumbledore trusted him, he couldn't question it. He grabbed his bearings and took a bigger swig.

"Some people reckon..." Harry started. He faltered for a moment, fumbling over his words. "Some people reckon he'd do anything to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts job," he rambled quickly.

_Some people would be right,_ Remus thought. He tipped the goblet back and finished its contents with a huge gulp. Gasping at the bottom, he grimaced at the taste.

"Disgusting," he said. He looked up at the clock. They'd been speaking for thirty minutes or so, and he had a feeling if they continued, he'd end up saying something nasty about Snape. This was enough for now - best to cut it off before he get ahead of himself. "Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you at the feast later," he concluded.

"Right," Harry said tentatively. He placed his empty mug on the table and stood to leave. "Well, see you at dinner then, Professor," he said. He eyed the goblet once more. Remus chose to ignore it and waved Harry off with a light smile. Harry gave him a shy smile in return and then closed the door behind him.

Remus let out a relieved sigh. He looked back up at the clock again and smiled softly to himself. It was late, but it was still a good start. He was pleased with the boy's insightful, sensitive nature. He was a little too observant though, it seemed - he'd need to make sure Harry didn't start asking too many questions about his "illness," lest he deduce what he truly was. He turned and looked back at the goblet.

It was still smoking.

* * *

II.

The village of Hogsmeade was abuzz with loud chatter. The streets were full of animated students, shouting over one another and racing from shop to shop. The new apothecary on the main street drew some stares, and a few students even poke their heads in to take a look, but for the most part, Rowan knew she wasn't exactly catering to the needs of students looking for some fun away from classes. She sat at the counter going over some research notes and inventory serenely. Her record player hummed sweetly.

There was a chime. Rowan looked up, mildly surprised, and opened her mouth to greet her customer before beaming brightly.

"Hi, Winnie!" greeted a lanky, redheaded boy. His freckled face glowed happily at her. She leapt to her feet and maneuvered quickly around the counter, where she swept him into a fierce hug.

"Ron! You didn't need to come see me!" she exclaimed happily. His ears were a slight shade of pink when she pulled away, but he looked very pleased. She grinned and then turned to the girl he'd brought in with him. Frizzy hair, slightly bucktoothed -

"You must be Hermione Granger," she greeted warmly. The small girl jumped slightly with surprise at being addressed so directly. Rowan moved forward to better assess the girl. "Molly and the boys have told me all about you. It's great to finally put a face to the name."

Hermione looked very pleased. She blushed a pretty shade of pink and beamed up at the older woman. Rowan noted amusedly that she'd finally found someone with hair even messier than her own.

"Hermione, this is Rowan, the family friend I was telling you about," Ron cut in excitedly. "She's been mates with my parents since before I was even born. She used to babysit us all the time when we were younger." He smiled radiantly up at her. Hermione stared with mild awe. Rowan grinned cheekily.

"When you were younger? I seem to still be babysitting you all the time even now, you little prat," she teased, pinching Ron's cheek roughly. He groaned and swatted her hand away.

"You're Rowan Delacroix, aren't you?" Hermione suddenly blurted. Ron and Rowan turned to see Hermione's eyes wide and gaping openly. Rowan smiled sheepishly.

"Yep, that's me," she confirmed. Hermione's eyes widened even farther if possible.

"I've read all of your papers!" Hermione gushed. "I'm a _huge_ fan of your work! The youngest Potions Master in British history _and_ creator of the Wolfsbane Potion! It's an honor to meet you, ma'am!"

Rowan's face burned. "Er - _co-_creator," she corrected awkwardly. "I certainly had a lot of help along the way. And please, no ma'ams. I think I might implode from shame if I hear myself addressed that way." She'd never had anyone admit to being a _fan_ of hers - _admirer_, perhaps. She wasn't sure if she was pleased about it or not.

Hermione grinned and nodded eagerly. Ron rolled his eyes.

"God, keep it in your pants, Hermione," he said. Hermione glared at him, but he just sighed. "Sorry, Winnie. She can't help herself."

Rowan laughed. "It's okay. I felt the same way when I met Amrit," she said. Hermione's eyes widened.

"Amrit Kohli? Oh, I want to hear all about her! Do you still work with her often? I've heard her daughter is at school now too, but I haven't met her yet! I have so many questions regarding your work with her, but _The Daily Prophet_ doesn't do any justice to the collaborations you've had!" she rambled.

Rowan leaned back slightly from the sudden onslaught of questions. She took in the burning looking in Hermione's eyes, that desperate hunger for knowledge and began to laugh lightly. Ron stared at her as if she'd grown another head.

"I'm sorry," Rowan laughed. "It's just that you remind me of... of a dear friend I had a long time ago," she said. She thought of Lily's shaking red hair and chin jutting out earnestly in her moments of mania. She suddenly felt very relieved - it seemed Harry had found a bit of his mother in someone else unknowingly.

"Here." She waved her wand and a couple of stools appeared, plopping down with a thunk in front of the counter. "Why don't you two sit down, and I'll make some tea. You can ask me whatever you want," she offered. Hermione bounced excitedly. Ron groaned.

* * *

"So how are classes going? You have electives now, right?" Rowan asked over her mug. Ron nodded.

"I'm doing Care of Magical Creatures and Divination," Ron answered. He then eyed Hermione with a grimace. "_This one_ is taking _all _of them."

Rowan frowned. "All of them?" she echoed. "Surely, that's an exaggeration." But Ron shook his head.

"_All_ of them," he repeated dramatically. Rowan stared disbelievingly at Hermione, who blushed under her gaze.

"How on earth are you doing that?"

Hermione turned her nose up at Ron. "I just know how to manage my time better than Ronald does," she quipped. Ron glared and took a large swig from his tea. Rowan smiled amusedly at the dynamic between them.

"What's your favorite subject so far?" she continued. Hermione's face lit up.

"Oh, I'm simply in love with my Arithmancy class!" she gushed. "It's such a nice pace from the utter rubbish Professor Trelawney teaches us. Professor Vector is absolutely brilliant!"

Rowan nodded. She'd always enjoyed Arithmancy as well. Hermione's enthusiasm for learning was infectious. She was reminded more and more of Lily as the girl spoke.

"What about you, Ron?" she asked.

"Hmm, classes are all right," he droned. But then his eyes flared, as if he'd been shocked, and he sat up stick straight. "Oh, but Defense Against the Dark Arts! That one's been fantastic!" he crowed. Rowan's throat clenched.

"Really?" she asked. "So the new professor is good then?" She knew it was trouble to pry about Remus, but she couldn't help it. And seeing Ron so enthusiastic about school for once certainly piqued her interest. Hermione's face also lit up.

"Yes, Professor Lupin is wonderful!" she exclaimed. "He's the best one we've had, by far! He's so knowledgeable, especially in regards to Dark creatures, and there's definitely something to be said about him as a person. He's really kind and even funny. Even Neville Longbottom has been looking more confident because of his class!"

Rowan's stomach was a bundle of knots, chest tight. _Kind, knowledgeable_ - these were certainly words she would expect to hear about him. And he was teaching Frank and Alice's son as well... She smiled softly.

"That's so good to hear," she said. "Sounds like he's quite popular then."

Ron nodded fiercely. "Yeah, everyone loves him. Well, everyone except Snape, but he's a load of dung anyway-" ["Ron!" Hermione scolded] "-and we all know he's just mad because he got passed over for the position again. Lupin's _way_ better than he'd ever be though."_  
_

Ron continued to babble on about their lesson from the past week during which they'd learned how to fight kappas. Rowan felt very warm as she thought of the students watching Remus with admiration, Ron and Harry's faces among them. He'd always had a talent for teaching. She hadn't realized how much the thought had been bearing down on her, but with Ron's words, she felt a huge weight being lifted off of her chest. She sighed happily.

"Do you know Professor Lupin, Rowan?"

Rowan looked up and saw the two children staring at her. Ron's face was curiously innocent, but there was a certain look in Hermione's eyes that warned Rowan to be careful. She was slipping.

"We knew each other in school, but I haven't seen him in many years. I'm glad to hear he's doing so well though. I can certainly see him being a good professor," she explained calmly. Mentally, she patted herself on the back for her poised response. _Thank Merlin,_ she thought. _Keep it together, Delacroix._

Hermione seemed to accept this, and Ron nodded seriously, as if agreeing with a heavy debate. Rowan smiled lightly and looked up at the clock. Relief hit her.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. The clock read 17:31. "It's so late already! You two need to get back up to the castle before you miss the feast!" _Thank goodness._ She wasn't sure if she could deflect more questions about her past if they stayed much longer.

Ron's head shot up at the mention of food. His stool shrieked against the wooden floor.

"Bloody hell!" he blurted, leaping from the stool. "The feast! Sorry, Winnie. See you next time!" He grabbed Hermione's hand and started for the door. Hermione squeaked a bit, craning her neck to look at Rowan.

"Thanks so much for the tea, Rowan! And for answering all of my questions!"

Rowan smiled and waved as they shot through the door. "Come back anytime!" she called. She heard Ron's muffled voice shouting for Hermione to hurry up, and Hermione's responding bite back. She thought of all the times James had shouted for her to run faster. The warm feeling remained.

That had been too close though. She frowned slightly as she picked up the two remaining teacups. She needed to be more careful about directing the conversation when talking to them. She couldn't get complacent. She'd managed to keep the conversation off of Harry, but if her past relationship with Remus were to get out, then people might start putting two and two together about his condition. And that was certainly the last thing she wanted. She vanished away the last remaining tea and breathed deeply. A small shudder rolled through her.

Today - thirteen years today.

* * *

III.

The Great Hall was decorated beautifully. Harry knew it was his Third Year already, but he still marveled at the spectacle the Great Hall was on Halloween for the feast. He grinned broadly at the floating jack o'lanterns that swam above them. The yellow light flickered wonderfully.

Despite his sour mood from earlier, he now felt very light. After speaking to Professor Lupin in his office, he'd felt much better than he had in weeks, and he realized that the lesson with the Boggart had bothered him much more than he'd first thought. Knowing that Lupin thought he was just as capable as everyone else lifted a huge weight off of his chest. He wasn't sure why he wanted to impress the older man so much, but there was something deeply respectable about him, something that made him want to earn his praise.

And now his friends were back. They'd returned rosy-cheeked with arms full of loot from the village for Harry. He'd received piles of chocolates and toys from their afternoon out of the castle, and though he still envied their bright-eyed excitement, he was more relieved to find that they'd thought of him the whole time.

"So what'd you guys do while you were there?" he asked over his potatoes.

"Well, we went straight to Honeyduke's!" Ron said clumsily, mouth full of food. "They had this new flavor of Fizzing Whizbee! Free samples!" Hermione shot him a look but then turned back to Harry, smiling excitedly.

"And then Zonko's and this marvelous book shop!" she continued. Ron finally swallowed his food and sat up.

"And then we went to see Rowan!" he exclaimed.

Harry cocked his head.

"Rowan Delacroix, the Potions Master!" Hermione clarified. Harry still was confused. He frowned. Hermione sighed with exasperation.

"Honestly, Harry, she's only the most famous Potions Master of our generation! She invented the Wolfsbane Potion!"

Harry shook his head again. She groaned.

"Really? You need to pay better attention in Potions! She's even in our Defense Against the Dark Arts book in the section about werewolves!"

Ron turned and frowned. "She is?" he asked with surprised. Hermione slapped a hand to her forehead.

"Honestly, have neither of you read anything?"

Ron looked at her as if she'd grown another head. "Are you kidding? Why the hell would we do that? That's like chapter a million or something!" he retorted. "And besides, Rowan's just Rowan. I've never thought of her as some famous whatsit or other."

Hermione just shook her head and turned back to her food, obviously giving up.

"What's the big deal though? Why would you go see some Potions Master?" Harry asked. Ron then turned the incredulous look on him.

"What? Have you really never heard me talk about her?" he exclaimed. Harry shook his head again. "She's like my cool aunt! She and my parents have been mates for ages, since before I was born! I've known her all my life. She's always been the coolest of Mum and Dad's friends. She was the one who taught me how to fly! She was even there to see me off at Platform 9 3/4 on our first day. I bet you saw her and just didn't know it."

_Well, how could I have known it?_ Harry thought dryly.

"I was meaning to ask," Hermione piped up, "how _does_ Rowan know your parents? She seems too young to have gone to school with them."

Ron looked stumped. He frowned deeply in thought for a moment. "You know, I have no idea," he answered. "Mum and Dad are ten years older than she is, so they definitely didn't go to school together. She was a Gryffindor too though, so maybe they met through some alumni network thing. I really don't know. We'll have to remember to ask her next time." He shrugged. Hermione rolled her eyes.

Harry thought about it briefly for a moment. He vaguely remembered hearing Ron and Mrs. Weasley mention that name before, but he couldn't recall specifically. He turned back to his dinner. This Rowan Delacroix certainly sounded like an important witch, but the new meat pies that had just appeared on the table were much more interesting at the moment.

* * *

IV.

The castle was lively post-feast.

Remus took his time walking back to his office, smiling warmly at the students he passed. A few Fifth Year Hufflepuff students greeted him eagerly as he passed them on his way to the stairs, and a couple of Ravenclaw Sixth Year girls smiled shyly, whispered to each other, and then giggled conspiratorially. Remus almost sighed. Strange how certain things repeat themselves.

The Halloween feast had been lovely, as it usually was, with its glowing pumpkins and elaborate decorations. He'd been relieved to see Harry's face much happier as he ate and joked with his friends at the Gryffindor table. He'd even caught Remus' eye at one point and smiled tentatively at him. Remus felt like he could battle a hundred Dementors.

But his good mood was suddenly done away with as he heard a series of shouts from the students around him. A silvery mist rose from the middle of the staircase directly in front of him. It quickly solidified into a Phoenix. Remus' stomach clenched.

"_Professors, report to the Gryffindor common room at once_," it echoed briefly before disappearing.

Remus took a deep breath to steady himself before looking around him. The students were all whispering frantically to themselves. He smiled encouragingly.

"You all should immediately report to your common rooms as well. I'm sure your Heads of House will already be there and tell you what to do," he said calmly. A few nodded frantically, and they all skittered away.

Remus grit his teeth and turned, making a beeline for Gryffindor Tower. He just hoped that whatever had happened didn't involve Harry.

* * *

Rowan tore through the entrance of Hogwarts and made a path for the Great Hall. Dumbledore's Patronus had reached her not even ten minutes before. She'd immediately left her laboratory and headed straight for the castle. Her mind raced, heart pounding. She knew without even asking that it involved Sirius. There was no other explanation.

_But how had he gotten in?_

As she reached the Great Hall, loud and crowded with what looked like the entire castle's population, she craned her neck to find the Headmaster, but he was nowhere to be found. Instead, she saw Minerva McGonagall standing near the entrance with Severus Snape. She felt a brief flash of annoyance but pushed it away as she approached her old Head of House. She noted that Remus was absent with a sharp pang that she was hesitant to call disappointment.

"Rowan, so good to see you," McGonagall greeted quickly.

"Minerva," Rowan nodded, smiling tightly. She glanced towards Snape. "Severus," she greeted shortly. He nodded curtly. "Where is Dumbledore?" Rowan asked.

"He is coordinating with the rest of the faculty and the Aurors at the moment," McGonagall answered. "I, too, should be there, but we are a bit short-handed here, and I can't leave the students here alone," she said, glancing around them at the frightened looking students. Rowan grimaced.

"What do you need to do? I can go while you stay here and keep watch over the students," she offered.

McGonagall didn't need to be told twice. She nodded. "Thank you, Rowan. If you and Severus would go search the upper floors, that Aurors will probably be searching the lower levels."

Rowan fought the grimace from her face. Snape didn't look pleased at the suggestion either. "Oh, Severus needn't come. I'm sure he's-"

"No, Rowan," McGonagall cut off. Her tone suggested no room for argument. "I'd much prefer if you went together. In the case that you do come across Black, the more numbers you have the better." And with that, she turned on her heel and made a line for the Headboy Percy Weasley. Percy drew himself up at the sight of the Gryffindor Head approaching him. He seemed so enthralled with his new power that he didn't even notice Rowan. She sighed and looked up at Snape.

She and her fellow Potions Master had never gotten on, though they certainly had never had the same tension he and James or Sirius had shared. She had clearly won their rivalry at the end of their Hogwarts years together, and she hadn't seen him since they'd graduated. Still, she would forever be "Potter's friend" to him, and despite the distaste he showed, she was quite proud to be thought of in that way. She smiled awkwardly up at him.

"Shall we?" she asked. He nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. She grit her teeth and turned for the corridor. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

V.

Remus felt a hole being bored through the middle of his forehead.

He was standing in the Headmaster's office listening to Dumbledore's orders with Filius, Pomona, a few other professors, and a handful of Aurors, including - to his mild horror - Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mina Surrey. He'd expected to see Alastor "Mad-eye" Moody with them and had to remind himself that the grisly man had retired a couple years before from the force, leaving Kingsley as the new Department Head. He'd also heard about Mina's steady but strong rise through the ranks over the years. It wasn't surprising that she was there, but it certainly didn't make it any easier to see her, especially with the scathing glare she was burning through him.

Kingsley had greeted Remus happily with a gruff embrace and warm regards: _It's been much too long, Lupin. It's good to see you, man._ But Mina - oh, the scathing look she'd shot him was more than enough for him to know exactly how she felt at seeing him again._  
_

She'd aged beautifully, as was to be expected, with her wavy brown hair cut short in a stylish bob at her chin. She held herself with the poise of an experienced executive, and it was clear by the way the junior Aurors addressed her that they all deeply respected and somewhat feared her. She spoke in quiet, measured tones, which her subordinates absorbed eagerly. He couldn't help but admire the leader she'd become.

But he also knew he was royally screwed, particularly when Dumbledore asked him to accompany her personally on her search through the castle. She'd scowled venomously at Remus at the sound of the order and looked as if she was going to argue, but one look from Kingsley had silenced her. He almost wished she _had_ argued. Even if she'd caused a scene, at least then he wouldn't be stuck alone with her.

But as one would have it, he found himself silently moving through the Third Floor corridors with his old friend, who was now pointedly ignoring him. Remus had his wand lit while Mina had hers at the ready, stalking stealthily with a certain grace he had to identify with intense experience and confidence. He was once again awed by how much she had matured.

But his mind was screaming. It had been twelve years since he'd last seen the Auror. He knew from the bits of news his father would give him that she and Rowan were now closer than ever. Though Rowan had most likely moved on and perhaps even forgotten him over the years - he at once wished for and dreaded the thought - he knew that Mina did not forgive, and she certainly didn't forget. He knew he should leave it alone, but the guilt that had eating away at him from the inside over the past decade was begging him to be let out. It twisted and clawed at him from the pit of his stomach. He needed to release it, to finally feel some relief from his shame.

"Mina," he said quietly. She didn't answer, simply continued walking on ahead, eyes narrowed and set upon a distant goal he couldn't quite see. He grimaced - she clearly didn't care to hear his apologies. But still, he needed to say it. "Mina, I'm sorry," he said.

Still she didn't answer. He saw a muscle in her cheek twitch angrily, but she didn't make any other indication that she even realized he was there. He nearly sighed.

"I know you probably don't believe me and that it's certainly past due. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I mean it when I say that I'm really, truly sorry," he continued quietly. Mina remained silent. He grimaced once again and was going to leave it at that when she finally responded.

"I could kill you, you know," she whispered venomously. "After all the shit you pulled and the way you abandoned Rowan, I could seriously kill you." Remus looked up, startled, but she still hadn't looked at him. Her eyes were still set ahead, but by the way her teeth ground, he knew she had spoken.

"I'm sorr-"

"Oh, _shut up_," she hissed venomously. He flinched at the toxic tone of her voice. "You don't even have a clue as to what you're apologizing for, do you? I don't give a _shit_ how _sorry_ you are. You are dead to me. You have been for twelve years. You-"_  
_

"You shouldn't talk to Remus that way, Minnie."

Remus felt his heart stop.

They both immediately stopped walking. Though Remus felt his limbs freeze, Mina spun without hesitation upon the corner from which the voice had come and thrust her wand out angrily.

"Come out now with your arms above your head!" she shouted. Her eyes flared dangerously in the dim light that still glowed from Remus' wand. Her voice cut through the darkness sharply.

But there was no movement. Remus saw a shift in the darkness - a sliver of a silhouette - but no one emerged. Finally, the voice spoke again:

"Trust me - you really don't want that," he said quietly. His voice echoed of old times, though aged and worn from misuse and wear. It was raspy, harsher. Remus strained his eyes to see that face that matched it.

Remus almost missed it, but there was a flicker of hesitation in Mina's features. She remained steady though, gaze still hard. He could feel the anger radiating off of her in waves.

"Sirius Black, I order you to come out with your hands above your head!" she commanded again. Her voice didn't waver. Remus was struck again by how strong she was.

But then there was silence again.

"Sirius, if you don't come out right now, I will not hesitate to stun you!" she barked.

But there was silence once again.

Mina snarled angrily and then shot a burst of red light from her wand. "_Stupefy!"_ she shouted. The light illuminated the long corridor with an explosion of red. The dark walls seemed to burst from floor to ceiling.

There was no one there.

"_Lumos!"_ Mina rushed forward to where Sirius' voice had come, but there was no trace of him. Mina spun around wildly, head jerking back and forth for a sign of him, but he was gone. She bristled, eyes flashing furiously. Her anger seemed to erupt from her gut to her mouth, and she roared with anger. Her arm jerked out, and a shot of blinding yellow light shot from her wand. It slammed into a nearby coat of armor, which collapsed to the ground in a deafening clang. It rattled and echoed down the halls emptily until it swiveled and sang softly, quivering narrowly until it was still.

Silence settled over Mina and Remus. Her head was bowed, shoulders still trembling angrily. Remus watched her warily, unsure of what to do. Finally, he moved towards her, reaching out a hesitant hand.

"Mina..."

Her hand jerked up, slapping his out of the way.

"Don't touch me," she hissed. She looked up, finally locking eyes with him. Remus recoiled at the raging fire in her gaze, features contorted with anger. He felt all of her wrath hit him at once. He couldn't move.

She pushed past him roughly, throwing her arm again violently down, as if shaking the remnants of angry magic from her sleeve. Her fist was tight around her wand. She moved down the hall, continuing to look around silently, forgetting Remus completely. Remus sighed - try as they might, he knew Mina wouldn't find Sirius.

He kept his eyes trained on her, determined not to look at the statue of the one-eyed witch that stood proudly against the near wall. Though Mina had missed it, Remus had seen the slightest sliver of darkness appear and then vanish from behind the statue in that flash of red light. He grimaced and looked to his classroom, which stood beside the witch. His grimace deepened. He would have to keep a careful eye on the statue from then on.

* * *

Rowan watched Snape out of the corner of her eye carefully. There was an almost manic glint to his face as they stalked the upper floors for Sirius. She'd thrown a few polite inquiries his way at first - _h__ow have you been? How is the school year going so far?_ - only to receive some curt one-word answers and snide side-looks. She felt her lips twisting with annoyance. She couldn't believe he was still so rude after all these years. He was in his mid-thirties as well by now, after all.

"Severus, I don't think we're going to find him up here," she said finally after two hours of searching just the Seventh Floor. "I highly doubt he would've stayed here anyway - it's not like he could get out this way."

But Snape ignored her and continued on in his manic way. Rowan glared at the back of his head, that annoyance beginning to flare. It was already 1 a.m., and they still needed to search the Sixth and Fifth Floors. If they continued at this rate, they wouldn't report back to Dumbledore until dawn.

"Severus, we should move on. Black wouldn't have lingered on this floor after being chased out of Gryffindor Tower. I think we've been thorou-"

"Thorough? You think we've been thorough?" he hissed. Rowan's eyes widened with surprise as he spun on her, eyes flaring angrily. "But of course you would know where he'd have gone. You were such _close_ friends after all," he sneered.

Rowan felt that surge again at the pit of her stomach. It rushed up her throat hotly. _How dare he?_

"Seriously? Are you really doing this now, Snape?" she bit back. "If you want to pick a fight with me, then do it after we've finished searching the lower floors because you're wasting both of our time!" Snape's mouth twisted cruelly.

"Or perhaps you're wasting _my _time to help let your friend escape." She gave him a disbelieving look, and he sneered. "I remember all of you sneaking off to Merlin knows what corners of the castle and sneaking out in the middle of the night. For all I know, one of those passages is up here, and you're trying to distract me."

Rowan let out a disdainful bark of laughter. Snape's eyes flared with anger.

"Your bitterness truly knows no bounds, does it?" she derided. "Do you honestly believe any of the shit that's coming out of your mouth? Are you so desperate to prove yourself stronger than your old master's superior servant, or are you simply so paranoid and distrusting after all these years that you truly believe that everyone is as two-faced as you?"

Her stomach pinched regretfully as the words left her mouth - she knew her last comments had been unnecessarily cruel - but it had been building up inside of her for decades now. Even if Dumbledore trusted him, this man had been a Death Eater. No matter what information he'd passed along at the end of the war, he'd still taken part in unimaginably horrifying things. If she pulled up his sleeve, she'd still be greeted with that most evil of insignias, and for that, she wasn't sure if she could ever truly trust him.

Snape's face contorted and twisted as Rowan's insults sank in. Despite the guilt for her words, she held his gaze defiantly. She wouldn't be pushed around by this man - she'd never let him have the last word when they were children, and she certainly wouldn't now. Even if he'd been a victim of her friends' cruel bullying as students, he'd become just as bad in his adulthood, and if any of the terrible things the Weasley children had said about him were true, then he deserved every comeuppance she could muster.

Finally, his mouth took on a hard line, his eyes sharp and cruel. He started towards her with a dangerously cold look, she took a step back and readied her wand quickly, but he simply stormed past her for the stairs.

"Let's get this over with," he muttered. His feet clicked against the floor emptily. Rowan watched him with a frown for a moment before following after him cautiously. They made their way for the Sixth Floor in silence.


	7. The Fall - Seasonal & Otherwise

**A/N: **Another DOUBLE POST. I'm cool, right?

I just realized how much Snape must have hated Sirius during the 3rd book - not only had Sirius tormented him through school, but Snape then also believed that he'd killed Lily. He must've also been pissed when he'd found out it hadn't been Sirius - it was probably satisfying in a twisted way to blame all of it on him.

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

* * *

**Chapter 6: The Fall - Seasonal and Otherwise**

I.

Rowan spent the rest of Halloween scouring the top floors of the castle with Snape, but to no avail. After the few scathing words they'd exchanged in the Seventh Floor corridors, Snape didn't say another word to her. His face took on a dark look, brow seemingly frozen into a deep furrow. She wondered what effect her words had had on him. Did he ever realize how cruel he was? Did he realize how much his words hurt those around him? She wanted to believe that perhaps he might make more of an effort to be civil with her in the future, even if they weren't friendly.

When they returned to the Great Hall late that night, or rather early that morning, Dumbledore had informed them that Sirius had been spotted on the Third Floor but had gotten away. He believed it was safe to assume that Sirius had fled the castle after. Rowan nearly groaned with frustration - all that searching and time alone with Snape for nothing. The Potions professor's face had contorted with a fury she'd never seen in him before stalking off to the dungeons once more.

Rowan had caught Mina quietly after Dumbledore had insisted that she go home. She had frowned deeply at the soft remnants of anger on her best friend's face - it seemed that everyone that night was caught in a strange haze of rage. When she'd asked her what was wrong, she'd seethed and fumed silently for a moment.

"Black and Lupin - I saw them both," she'd said quietly, angrily. Rowan had nodded in dark understanding and left it at that. Mina had been grateful.

By the time she had returned to the Great Hall in those silent early morning hours with Snape, Remus had long gone off to bed. She'd gazed around the Great Hall longingly, wondering which vague lump was Harry's sleeping bag. She felt a distant ache in her chest as she thought of Remus, who had been there perhaps even minutes before. She let her eyes trail over the faculty table and wondered which seat was his. She wondered if she'd be able to feel his presence there if she were to sit in it.

But then Mina had taken hold of her arm gently. She'd turned and seen the warning look in her friend's eyes - _Don't._ She'd smiled sadly in return and nodded.

_I know._

* * *

II.

It was the beginning of November - exactly a week from Halloween. The hills were beginning to look bare and gray with the coming winter. The castle was nearly silent, save for the soft cackles of a certain Poltergeist from the dungeons and the pathetic whimpers from Moaning Myrtle in the unused girls' toilets. In the distance, a roar of cheers could be heard over the heavy hum of rain. The wind howled.

On the Third Floor, the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor's office door was locked shut. This was an odd occurrence - usually the door was cracked open, welcoming any passing students with the smell of tea and the soft rustling of quill on parchment or a soft gurgle from whatever dark creature he was preparing for that day's lessons. But on this day - the day of the first Quidditch match - it was closed. No noise came from behind it.

Within the office, there was another door at the back, which led to the DADA professor's personal quarters. Like his office, his private room was full of books from the library. Everything was very neatly stacked and organized, faces aligned meticulously. The only disorderly thing in the room was the array of notes on his desk, which were scattered. On many sheets, rough, incomplete sketches of a young woman's face smiled up. Half of them were smeared or scribbled over frantically, whispering of second thoughts.

In the corner of this room lay a man with light brown hair. The strands around his temples were dusted gray. His form was bare and pale, skin illuminated in a slow rhythm as the sky was alit again and again with the distant storm, so chaotic outside but so far from him here. His long arms and legs were splayed in this direction and that, face buried in the white downy pillows the House Elves had laid out for him. Along those limbs were numerous pearly stretches of scar tissue, ranging from tiny nicks to long extensions from joint to joint. His left hand reached up heavily to rub the long scar along his jaw. It then flopped back down to his side.

There was a blinding flash, quickly followed by a deafening crack. A sharp cry from the Quidditch pitch outside echoed in the distance. Vaguely somewhere he acknowledged the shouting of a name he knew. It warbled and distorted as it attempted to break through the shield of sleep. A soft groan pulled from his mouth. He buried his face in deeper.

A goblet of smoking potion stood on his bedside table.

* * *

Though the lower levels of the castle were full of chatter [_Did you see how far he fell? Thank Merlin Dumbledore caught him in time],_ the upper floors were quiet. A quick patter of steps echoed down the hallways that led to the Hospital Wing. Wet boots plopped heavily, punctuated with the tiny sound of dripping water. A young woman stalked through the empty corridors, hands fisted around two small vials. A few strands of dark hair stuck to her face wetly. She pushed it up her forehead with some frustration.

She slowed as she heard the sound of soft voices. As she entered the high-ceilinged infirmary, the tall Headmaster, the Gryffindor Head of House, and the Hospital Matron looked up and smiled. The bearded wizard stepped forward with gentle hands and greeted her kindly. The young woman's face stretched and twisted painfully as she heard his words. He squeezed her hands reassuringly, and she nodded. She then handed him one of the small vials - the darker of the two - and whispered a quick request. He nodded and smiled, dropping the vial into his long periwinkle robes.

She then turned to the bed at which they all stood. A familiar boy lay there unconscious. His black hair and scarlet Quidditch robes were soaked and caked with mud, contrasting sharply with the bright white sheets. His small form shivered with the remnants of the cold rain and the icy touch of those who had overstepped their boundaries. The woman's heart clenched painfully.

_May I stay? Just for a few minutes._

The Headmaster smiled and nodded, and all three of the older figures stepped away quietly. A flash of light briefly flooded the room through the tall windows. The silence of the infirmary was only broken with another clap of thunder. She slid into the wooden chair that stood at the boy's bedside, setting down the last vial onto the small table.

There was a deep gash on his right arm and a large bruise at his cheek. Hesitantly, she reached forward and ran a gentle finger across the cut. He exhaled harshly at the touch. Her heart clenched again - was her touch really so foreign to him now? She smiled sadly and reached for the vial. Its translucent golden resin glowed prettily as another flash of lightning flooded the room.

She opened the vial with a soft pop and spilled some of its contents into her hands. A crisp, refreshing smell filled the space between them. As she smeared the cool liquid to his red skin, the small boy's lips tugged upward. He sighed.

* * *

III.

There was a knock at the door. He was sure of it, but he couldn't seem to move his arms, let alone his legs. Everything felt heavy, like concrete bricks had been tied to his appendages, especially his head. Even his eyelids felt like a burden. There was another knock. Remus groaned quietly into the soft pillow. Forcing what little heat remained in his body to his arms and legs, he pushed himself upward, wobbling precariously before sitting up in his bed.

Placing his feet on the cold stone floor, Remus' head swam heavily. He allowed the chill to soak into his skin. It seemed to shock a bit of life back into his body, but his head still remained foggy. For a moment, he could only lean his hands on his knees and hold onto his balance. There was another knock.

"Coming, coming," he mumbled raspily. Pulling a blanket around his shoulders - he wasn't sure where his jumper was - he trudged for the door. Vaguely, he considered what he'd do if it were a student. He was indecent at the moment after all.

Well, he didn't much care. Let them see.

"Good afternoon, Remus."

Remus blinked with confusion for a while, shoulders hunched and shivering slightly beneath the heavy blanket that hung around his frame. His nakedness suddenly was heavily felt.

"P-Professor Dumbledore," he greeted weakly. The older man smiled amusedly down at him.

"May I come in?" Remus felt his ears burn.

"Yes! Yes, of course. Please," he said quickly, stepping to the side to allow the Headmaster entrance. The older man glided in and looked around pleasantly, eyes trailing over the discarded scribbles of ink. He smiled faintly at the face he saw peering up brokenly through the angry scratches over the drawings.

"Can I offer you something to drink?" Remus asked politely, moving to his dresser to pull out a pair of trousers. He pulled them on as discreetly as he could.

"No, no, that won't be necessary," Dumbledore responded kindly. He continued to look around the office, avoiding Remus' awkward dance in the corner. He smiled. "Am I mistaken in assuming that that is a Catalonian Fireball claw?" he asked, gesturing to an enormous black claw hung on the wall above his desk on a long dragonhide cord.

Remus had finally found his jumper. He pulled his head through with a slight gasp. "Yes," he said. "It was a gift from an old friend." His stomach twisted slightly at the thought of the rare artifact's origin. Despite its high value, he hadn't been able to part with it even in his lowest of times as it had been given to him from Rowan many years ago as a joke.

_Bartered for it with Hagrid - said he bought it off some bloke at the Hog's Head. And since you and your family are such adept dragon tamers, I thought maybe you'd be interested,_ she'd teased.

Dumbledore nodded, still smiling pleasantly. He then turned back to Remus.

"I am here at the request of a lovely young woman who wishes that you have this," he said, handing him the bottle. Remus accepted it with a frown. It was a small glass bottle of what looked like a potent deep green liquid. Its thick, sticky substance clung to the clear glass. He could see a small dropper attached to the stopper. Who...?

"She says it's a new development - something to help with the fatigue that comes with every cycle. She guarantees at least a six month shelf life, unlike the Wolfsbane, and a taste akin to wheatgrass," he said lightly. "She insists that you be very careful with it as it's a concentrated mixture and that you should only take a drop daily when your symptoms show, preferably mixed with a tall glass of water."

Remus barely heard any of the Headmaster's instructions. The bottle in his hands was very warm. His mind was full of images of her - of her small hands handling the vial carefully, of her form hunched over in her laboratory, filling the vials with meticulous care. She'd held this very vial not too long ago. His hands tightened around it.

"Rowan was here? For me?" he asked quietly.

Dumbledore didn't seem to pay Remus' tone any mind, instead looking over the various books stacked around his room with a happy eye.

"Oh, no, she was here to deliver some of her special essence of dittany blend for Harry," he said cheerily. Remus frowned. "But she brought this as well - said she thought you could use it."

Remus looked up. "Harry? Why would he need such a thing?" he asked. Dumbledore's face darkened suddenly. Remus' frown deepened.

"There was a... bit of an incident at the Quidditch match today," he said slowly. "The Dementors are growing restless and appeared at the pitch. Harry fell from his broomstick from a significant height."

Remus' face must have shown his horror, for Dumbledore smiled reassuringly.

"He's fine - a few cuts and bruises, but otherwise fine," he continued promptly. "We just put in an order with Rowan for a stock of her essence of dittany, but wouldn't you have it - Madam Pomfrey ran out just this week. It was very generous of Rowan to come on such short notice with what she already had prepared."

Remus nodded distractedly. His shoulders slumped with relief, but as he imagined Rowan so close again, his stomach lurched slightly. His hands tightened around the vial once again.

"Will you not see her?"

Remus looked up to see the Headmaster smiling at him softly. Remus' lips pulled tight.

"No," he said quietly. A slight shiver worked its way up his spine. He wasn't sure if it was from the storm, from his fatigue, or something else. "I'm sure she wants nothing to do with me, not after all this time. Not after the things I did."

Dumbledore's eyes crinkled. "You don't seem to think very highly of her," he noted.

Remus bristled. "What?" he asked incredulously. He pulled back, affronted and shocked at the usually polite Headmaster's insinuation. "I have nothing but respect for her. Just because I-"

"Remus," Dumbledore intercepted with a hand. Remus' mouth shut, brow still furrowed with insult. Dumbledore was still smiling.

"Are you sure that it's _she_ who doesn't wish to see you, or is it that _you_ don't wish to see her?" he asked evenly. Remus' grimace deepened. "For surely, she wouldn't go out of her way to bring such a considerate gift-" he gestured to the vial in Remus' hands "-if she were so filled with disgust at your memory. It is, after all, not a cheap potion to produce. Surely, she would have discontinued with her work if she wanted nothing to do with you, as you say. Do you really think her so petty, after all these years?"

Remus' chest filled with shame. He had to avert his gaze from Dumbledore's. Once again, he felt naked and exposed.

"Just some food for thought," Dumbledore said lightly, the cheerful tone back in his voice. "And with that, I shall take my leave. I suggest that you try that treatment that Rowan has been so kind as to hand deliver here," he said gesturing to the vial once more. "Perhaps I shall see you in the Great Hall if you are feeling up to it later. If not, I will see you Monday morning. Good day!" And with a swish of his robes and a soft click of the door, he was gone.

* * *

In the Hospital Wing, the young boy opened his eyes to see the concerned faces of his friends and teammates.

"What happened?" he asked weakly. His stomach dropped as he saw their shared grimaces.

As they fell into their sad explanations - the fall, the Dementors, Dumbledore's anger - his fingers gripped the white bedsheets angrily. Their pristine whiteness was muddled with brown stains and and chunks of grass. He stared hard at one particularly large clump and wished he could watch it burn.

He noted the long pink gash along his right arm. It had been open just recently. Its freshness could still be felt through its quickly healing itch. A sticky residue coated it. It was cool and refreshing and smelled very much like spring, he thought. He looked to his right and saw a half-empty vial of a golden liquid. In the flash of lightning that suddenly filled the room, he saw a sticky fingerprint contrasted against its clear surface. His right arm tingled.


	8. Winter Conspiracies

**A/N: **A lot of people keep mentioning that they want to see Remus and Rowan reunited, but I'll just say right now that there's gonna be a bit of a wait on that... The longer the wait, the more gratifying, right? Heh. I'm cruel. At least there'll be consistency in Remus and Rowan's POVs from chapter to chapter. There's even a bit of Harry in this one.

**SMGF1: **You totally get what I'm doing with drawing it out haha.

**Nikos Pyrr: **Hahaha thank you! I was pretty proud of Rowan and Mina too. As for the diary... you'll see later... hohohoho.

**MaeveDevine:** Sorry leading you on haha. There'll probably be some more of that. Thank you! ^^

**eighteenethavenue: **Oh, definitely. He's the greatest wizard of the century for a reason! Soon, soon... Thank you for the review!

**missalex3030:** Yeah, I definitely agree. Snape is definitely one of the most complex/interesting characters in the series IMO, along with Dumbledore and Remus. I think Alan Rickman really did a beautiful job of portraying the conflict between his bitterness and self-loathing. And YUSSSS! Finally, someone appreciates Mina! Thank you, as always! Sorry for the wait! ^^

**Jingylima:** You know, I thought of that too. I feel like he would've said something if he'd known, so Voldemort must've kept it from him. Karkaroff said a lot of the Death Eaters didn't know about each other so they couldn't betray their comrades if caught, so maybe Voldemort kept this play secret. But thank you so much! I'm not sure yet about the chapter numbers. I'm aiming for under 70 again, but I get the feeling it'll get higher than that -_-

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Hahaha THAT'S TOTALLY OK. I LOVE YOUR EXCITEMENT. Thanks so much for the awesome review! I'm really excited for Rowan and Harry's reunion too! Sorry, no double post this time though :/

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Winter Conspiracies**

I.

It was the Monday before the Christmas holidays, and Remus was back in his office. Though there was still the weight of exhaustion in his shoulders and chest, the potion Dumbledore had passed onto him from Rowan had certainly done wonders. This had been a particularly bad cycle, but as soon as he'd touched the glass of water with a drop of that sticky green serum to his lips, he'd felt as if a shot of electricity had surged through his bones. He continued to be awed by Rowan's inventiveness. Even though there wasn't a cure yet, she'd certainly done everything in her power to make his condition as bearable as possible. He tucked the vial into his robes for secure keeping, feeling the weight of her presence against his chest.

He was also surprised by the reception given to him from his students upon his return to class. As soon as he entered the classroom, he was bombarded with a barrage of indignation and complaints regarding his substitute, whom he found out with a grimace had been Snape.

And werewolves of all things - he felt something rumbling at the back of his mind with anger. Something snarled. He knew exactly what Snape had been doing in assigning them essays on werewolves. Had it just been this class or all of them? He made a mental note to speak with Dumbledore before pushing it out of his mind for the rest of the class.

"Wait a moment, Harry. I'd like a word."

Harry looked back as he heard Remus' voice and doubled back as his classmates peeled out of the room after the ending bell. Remus smiled and beckoned him back towards the front of the room.

"I heard about the match," he said, turning back to his desk and starting to pile books into his briefcase, "and I'm sorry about your broomstick. Is there any chance of fixing it?"

"No," said Harry sullenly. "The tree smashed it to bits."

Remus let out a sigh and grimaced. Was this his fault, in a way?

"They planted the Whomping Willow the same year that I arrived at Hogwarts. People used to play a game, trying to get near enough to touch the trunk. In the end, a boy called Davey Gudgeon nearly lost an eye, and we were forbidden to go near it. No broomstick would have a chance," he explained. He remembered the heavy guilt he'd carried his Second Year at the sight of the older boy's eyepatch. The Hufflepuff hadn't been able to see out of it for weeks.

"Did you hear about the Dementors too?" Harry asked quietly. Remus frowned. Harry was looking down at his feet, looking very forlorn, angry even.

"Yes, I did. I don't think any of us have seen Professor Dumbledore that angry. They have been growing restless for some time. I suppose they were the reason you fell?"

"Yes," said Harry. He hesitated, and then the question he had to ask burst from him before he could stop himself. "Why? Why do they affect me like that? Am I just-?"

"It has nothing to do with weakness," Remus said sharply. He nearly flinched at his harsh tone. Harry's lips trembled, and he knew that he'd hit the mark. "The Dementors affect you worse than the others because there are horrors in your past that the others don't have." He pushed the thought of James and Lily from his mind.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself - soul-less and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life. And the worst that happened to you, Harry, is enough to make anyone fall off their broom. You have nothing to feel ashamed of." Harry didn't respond, but Remus saw his hands tremble slightly. His gaze remained down.

"When they get near me," Harry said stiffly, staring at Remus' desk, his throat tight, "I can hear Voldemort murdering my mum."

Remus' arm shot out to grip Harry's shoulder but snapped it back. His chest ached painfully. He felt the space between them sharply. This boy was reaching out to him, confiding in him, but he couldn't reciprocate! He'd imagined time and time again James and Lily's final moments, but he'd never had the burden of actually hearing them. He fought the bitterness towards his promise to Dumbledore profoundly.

"Why did they have to come to the match?" asked Harry bitterly. Remus took a deep breath and steadied himself once more. He wouldn't lose control now. He couldn't.

"They're getting hungry," said Remus quietly, shutting his briefcase with a snap. He turned away, lest Harry see the conflict on his face. "Dumbledore won't let them into the school, so their supply of human prey has dried up... I don't think they could resist the large crowd around the Quidditch field. All that excitement, emotions running high - it was their idea of a feast."

"Azkaban must be a terrible place," Harry muttered. Remus nodded grimly.

"The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out to sea, but they don't need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they're all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single happy thought. Most of them go mad within weeks."

"But Sirius Black escaped from them," Harry said slowly. "He got away."

Remus dropped his briefcase, catching it quickly as it slipped from his desk. He flinched with embarrassment.

Did Harry know about Sirius? How could he have found out?

"Yes," he said, straightening up, "Black must have found a way to fight them. I wouldn't have believed it possible. Dementors are supposed to drain a wizard of his powers if he is left with them too long, and Black hasn't even had a wand since being convicted." He thought of Sirius' thrashing mugshot in the papers. How had he done it? Had he simply gone so mad in his isolation that he no longer felt them?

"You made that Dementor on the train back off," said Harry suddenly. Remus looked up.

"There are... certain defenses one can use," he said slowly. "But there was only one Dementor on the train. The more there are, the more difficult it becomes to resist."

"What defenses?" Harry parried quickly. "Can you teach me?" His eyes bore into Remus eagerly. Remus felt his stomach lurch at the request.

"I don't pretend to be an expert at fighting Dementors, Harry - quite the contrary..." he protested.

"But if the Dementors come to another Quidditch match, I need to be able to fight them!"

Remus looked into Harry's determined face. His throat tightened as Lily's eyes stared back at him. How many times had he seen her look at him so fiercely? How many times had he been able to refuse her?

None.

"All right," he acquiesced. "I'll try and help. But it'll have to wait until next term, I'm afraid. I have a lot to do before the holidays. I chose a very inconvenient time to fall ill." He offered Harry a weak smile.

But Harry was too thrilled to notice Remus' hesitation. His face lit up at Remus' promise, beaming up at him. Lily's burning expression was gone, but now James was there, blindingly bright and victorious.

"Thank you, Professor! Next term is completely fine. Thank you so much!" he said quickly. Remus nodded dumbly as Harry beamed at him once more and then ran for the door. In a split second, he was gone, and Remus was reeling.

He groaned quietly and ran a hand through his hair. It was getting long again. He thought momentarily of the free haircuts Mina used to give him and the Marauders when they were young.

A Patronus Charm - what had he gotten himself into? It was certainly not the spell one would typically teach a Third Year. He couldn't believe he'd agreed to this. What would happen when Harry realized it was beyond his skill range at this age? He grimaced as he imagined his disappointment.

He sighed and headed for the door as well. He had until January to figure it out, but he wasn't sure if this was a lesson he could accomplish.

* * *

II.

"_Ro-wan!"_

Rowan looked up from unlocking the door to her shop to see a pair of bright blue eyes staring openly at her, attached to two fiery heads of hair. She felt her face stretch into a grin, which then broke into a laugh as two pairs of gangly arms engulfed her.

"You two!" she laughed delightedly. She let out a squeak as they squeezed her hard and then released her. They both grinned.

"How's it go, Row?" Fred asked.

"Miss us?"

"What're you doing outside?"

"Yeah, it's wicked cold out."

"Make us some tea, woman!" they chorused.

Rowan laughed brightly. In her hands was a package of chocolate biscuits that she'd just picked up from Madam Puddifoot's shop - she'd had a feeling that at least one Weasley boy was going to show up at her shop that day.

"Rude as ever, I see," she said in fake exasperation. They both blew raspberries at her. She grinned.

"Well, come on then," she said, knocking them both on the head. "_You're _making the tea though. I bought the biscuits." She opened the door, and they paraded inside gleefully. She smiled and reached to remove the sign in the window that read, "Back in 15."

* * *

"So tell me what terrible things you two have been up to. How many detentions have you lot got so far this year?" Rowan asked, grinning over the counter. George's chest puffed out with pride.

"Only 18 so far!" he declared, "which is surprising because we've certainly been doing much more damage than any other year."

"Yeah, either we're not publicizing ourselves well enough or Filch is just getting slow."

"It's a real conflict - keeps us up at night."

"Yeah, on the one hand, our reputation is on the line. On the other, it leaves us more time to develop our latest products."

"A real bind, it is."

Rowan laughed. "So I'm assuming you're not spending much time in the library, then," she said amusedly.

"We are, but not for the reasons that one would assume."

Rowan snorted. "Freddy, I don't think _anyone_ would assume such a thing," she retorted. He grinned proudly. "So what _are_ you doing there then?" she inquired further.

"Research!" they sang. Rowan frowned.

"Is this for that Weasley Wizard Whatsits-" "Wheezes!" they corrected indignantly "- that your mum told you to discontinue?" she asked suspiciously.

"You can't tell Mum!" George exclaimed.

"Our eardrums will rupture if we get another Howler!"

"Rowan, promise us!" Rowan laughed as George threw himself over the counter and shook her by the shoulders.

"Okay, _okay!_" she acquiesced. "But you have to swear that you won't test out your products on the younger kids." Fred opened his mouth to object, but she shot him a look. "I _know_ you've tried, so don't even think about arguing." Fred shut his mouth. Rowan sat back and looked them over. Their sense of mischief certainly hadn't changed in all the years she'd known them - they made just as much trouble now as they had when they were toddlers - but they'd grown leaps and bounds. She took in their tall, lanky forms, their sharp gazes. She couldn't believe how quickly time had passed.

"Actually, we came today to ask you something," George started slowly. Rowan raised a brow.

"You can say no. We'll completely understand," Fred said quickly.

"We still need investors, too, so if you don't want to commit till then, we totally get it."

Rowan laughed. "Just spit it out. What do you want?" she asked. The twins shared a glance before turning back to her and grinning.

"We were wondering if you'd be interested in partnering in our product development," Fred said firmly. Rowan's eyebrows shot to her hairline.

"We have all these ideas but aren't sure how to execute them just yet, like Puking Pastilles and Canary Creams."

"We've gotten close with the Canary Creams, but it's been turning us more into chickens than canaries."

Rowan laughed suddenly. The two boys stopped and watched for her reaction. She grinned brightly at them. "I'm assuming your mum doesn't know about any of this," she asked. They shook their heads. She scratched the back of her head thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know. You two are still in school, and while I've no doubt you can pull this off in the long-run, I think you should keep focusing on your lessons for now." They both pouted dramatically. She grinned again. "Come back to me in July if you're still serious about this, and we'll talk again." She then shot them a warning look. "But I expect to be compensated - no free work. And your mum is to know nothing about it, got me?"

Suddenly, Fred lunged across the counter and grabbed her left hand excitedly.

"Yes! Thank you, Rowan!" he exclaimed. George also lunged forward and grabbed her other hand.

"Yes, thank you!"

"You'll _definitely _be hearing from us in June!"

"We'll even give you a free stock in the business!"

"You won't regret it!" they sang. She laughed and pulled her hands from them, swatting them away.

"Okay, okay," she laughed. "You have to pass your O.W.L.s too. If I hear Molly whining about your grades again, I might lose it." They grinned sheepishly and nodded.

"Man, this is a huge relief. After giving up the map, we needed a win," George said cheerfully to his brother. Rowan frowned.

"What map?" she asked quickly. Fred let out a shrill laugh.

"The map of Hogsmeade, of course! We're always getting lost. No sense of direction, I'll tell you!" he replied quickly.

"That's right! I'm always forgetting which way is west or east or weast."

"Practically took us an hour just to find your shop!"

Rowan eyed them suspiciously but didn't say anything. Finally, Fred clapped his hands.

"Well, best get going then, eh, Gred?" he said quickly, turning to his brother.

"Right you are, Forge. The books are calling!" They both leapt to their feet.

"Thanks for the tea, Winnie!" they sang, and with a slam of the door, they were gone.

Rowan watched the door shut behind them and sighed, slumping back against the counter. The shop suddenly felt very deflated with the twins' presence suddenly gone. She took a deep breath, allowing the stillness to fill her lungs before turning back to the mugs they'd left behind with a brooding look.

She'd always had her suspicions about the twins having the Marauder's Map. James and Sirius had bequeathed it to Will Surrey upon their graduation, and he, in turn, had had it confiscated by Filch in his Sixth Year. Rowan hadn't heard of it since, but she was sure that if anyone were capable of recovering it from its dusty entrapment, it would be the Weasley twins.

But from what she'd gleaned, it sounded as if they'd given it away - they certainly would never lose such a valuable item. Her expression darkened. They would never have given it to Ron, but to Harry... She grimaced and vanished away the remaining tea and crumbs they'd left behind.

She would have to be on even higher alert now.

* * *

As they turned the corner, the two redheads craned their necks around, eyes searching for the familiar face of their younger brother's best friend and for any sign of a listening faculty member. When they saw that they were alone, they leaned their heads together discreetly.

"That was too close, Gred. Almost slipped up there."

"Sorry, Forge. I sometimes forget that she's an adult, you know?" Fred nodded.

"Yeah, she probably wouldn't say anything to Mum or Dumbledore, but it doesn't hurt to be careful, especially now that Harry's got the map," he said.

"Think he used it?" George asked.

"'Course he did. I reckon he's got that cloak on right now though, eh?" Fred answered. George nodded.

"We're much too good to him."

"Certainly, but what can bleeding hearts like ours do?"

"It was agony watching the poor boy sulking left and right."

"Too right you are, Gred."

* * *

III.

Harry couldn't breathe.

With the help of the twins' gift, he'd snuck out of the castle and quickly found Hermione and Ron. Hogsmeade had been a spectacle of magical delights he'd never imagined - candies and toys and shops of all sorts! It had seemed like something out of a dream. Even this pub with the delicious new discovery of butterbeer - it had all been wonderful.

But now, he wished he hadn't come. He sat crouched beneath a table at his friends' legs, Invisibility Cloak drawn over him again and neck aching. At the bar sat the Minister of Magic, Professors Mcgonagall and Flitwick, Rubeus Hagrid, and Madam Rosmerta, and their topic of conversation was enough to make him vomit.

They were talking about Sirius Black. But not just Black - Black and his _parents._

"Filthy, stinkin' turncoat!" Hagrid bellowed.

"Shh!" said Professor McGonagall.

"I met him!" growled Hagrid. "I musta bin the last ter see him before he killed all them people! It was me what rescued Harry from Lily an' James's house after they was killed! Jus' got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an' his parents dead... an' Sirius Black turns up. Never occurred ter me what he was doin' there. I didn' know he'd bin Lily an' James's Secret-Keeper. Thought he'd jus' heard the news o' You-Know-Who's attack an' come ter see what he could do. White an' shakin', he was. An' yeh know what I did? I COMFORTED THE MURDERIN' TRAITOR!" Hagrid roared.

"Hagrid, please!" said Professor McGonagall, peering around at the other customers, who were staring at the sudden noise. "Keep your voice down!"

"How was I ter know he wasn' upset abou' Lily an' James? It was You-Know-Who he cared abou'! An' then he says, 'Give Harry ter me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him-' Ha! But I'd had me orders from Dumbledore, an' I told Black no, Dumbledore said he needed to see Harry first, that he'd go to Rowan before he went to him, though 'course he went to his aunt and uncle's in the end. Black argued, but in the end he gave in. Told me ter take his motorbike ter get Harry there. 'I won't need it anymore,' he says."

"Wait, Rowan?" Madam Rosmerta piped up, frowning. Harry's breath caught at the name - where had he heard it from? "Rowan Delacroix? You mean the new Potions Master in town? Why would Harry go to her?"

Harry's head pounded. The new Potions Master...? He craned his head to look up at his friends. Ron's face was pale and dumbstruck. Hermione's brows were furrowed heavily. Harry remembered-

"Yes, well, Black might have been James' best mate from school, but Rowan - well, she was his godsister. They might have well been siblings, really - knew each other all their lives. If Sirius and James were like brothers, then she was more like James' twin. She's Harry's godmother," Fudge explained. "Of course, the boy doesn't know any of that - doesn't even know Rowan exists."

"But why did he have to go to live with his aunt and uncle if he had Rowan?" Rosmerta continued earnestly. "Did she not want him? Did-" she stopped and leaned forward. "Did Dumbledore suspect her too?"

"Heavens, no!" McGonagall retorted. "Rowan has never been anything but loyal to the Potters. Goodness, you should have seen the poor girl when she found out what had happened to them. And when they took Harry away to live with his aunt and uncle... It was truly heartbreaking. That poor girl - she fought so hard to keep him." Harry was shocked to see the stern woman's lip tremble slightly at the memory.

"Then why didn't she?"

"Because of Lily's last charm!" piped up Flitwick. "That protective charm that she cast by sacrificing herself - that remains strongest when Harry is under the protection of blood relatives."

McGonagall nodded. "Yes, and as close as Rowan was to James and Lily, they weren't related - it was safest for Harry to go to his aunt and uncle's."

Silence settled over them.

"That poor woman," Rosmerta said quietly. Her eyes were full of tears. "That _poor woman._.. I never would have guessed. I've only spoken to her a few times since she's come to town, but she always seems so bright. I never would have imagined that that's what she's been carrying with her all this time." She sniffled a bit. "And Harry still doesn't know about her?"

Fudge shook his head. "No, it was decided long ago that it was best for Harry to not know about her, and with Black on the loose, the last thing the boy needs to know is about his godfather's betrayal. If he were to find out about Rowan, Black would undoubtedly come up sooner or later. It's critical for his well-being that he doesn't know."

McGonagall nodded.

"He isn't to know."

* * *

Later that night, Harry lay in his bed alone, wand lit beneath the dark covers. He couldn't bear the thought of speaking to Ron or Hermione, of answering Fred and George's questions, who would both certainly want to know if he'd made it to Hogsmeade. He'd sat through dinner silently, ignoring Ron and Hermione's worried looks, and then come straight back up to the dorms as soon as he'd finished. He couldn't bear the noise. The voices of his peers - all excited about the Christmas holidays and the day's trip to the village - hurt excruciatingly. He needed some quiet. He needed to think.

His hands trailed over the leather-bound photo album Hagrid had given him two years ago. In his lowest moments, he'd take out these photos and bask in the smiling presence of his parents' faces. He knew they weren't really there, but if he let himself shut his mind off, he could nearly believe that they were there with him, looking up at him proudly and loving him.

But today, he couldn't move past this one picture - the one of his parents' wedding day. He'd looked at it a hundred times before. There was his father waving up at him, beaming, the untidy black hair Harry had inherited standing up in all directions. There was his mother, alight with happiness, arm in arm with his dad. Her hair shone brilliantly like fire.

And there... that must be them. His godparents... Sirius and Rowan.

That woman... Harry looked at her closely. When Lily wasn't waving and smiling up at her husband, she was facing this black-haired woman with the warmest affection, hugging her tightly. James reached over once and mussed up her hair. He saw them share a few verbal volleys back and forth - he wished painfully that he could hear what they'd said - and then they both grinned at each other in such a way that spoke to years of friendship and laughed. He strained his memory for the sound of their voices but couldn't find them.

Rowan Delacroix - she was very pretty, though certainly not the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her nose might have been a little too small, smile a bit too wide. But there was something in her face, in the way she held herself - he could feel the warmth radiating off her, the fierce spirit. Her eyes were a bright hazel. They seemed to jump off the page at him. Her face was so familiar. He was certain he'd seen her somewhere before. In Diagon Alley? He strained hard to remember, but she seemed to elude him. He frowned.

But he then turned to the handsome man standing beside his father. If he hadn't known the two men were the same person, he would never have guessed that this was Sirius Black. Instead of the waxy, sunken features he'd seen on all of the wanted posters, this man was radiant, grinning broadly. His dark hair was thick and healthy. His eyes were a piercing gray. Could Azkaban really be such a terrible place to transform this handsome young man into the sickly looking fugitive he was today?

A deep hatred hit him so hard that he nearly choked on his own spit. This man - his father obviously trusted him, loved him. He watched the two men banter back and forth, both with broad grins. Had he already been plotting his parents' downfalls when this picture was taken? Had he already turned to Lord Voldemort's side?

He heard his mother's cries again, her pleas for mercy, and the anger overtook him again. Sirius Black hadn't seen his mother's last moments, hadn't seen her broken form at the feet of his master. He imagined Sirius Black at _his_ feet and was suddenly filled with a terrible need to make him feel the pain his parents had felt tenfold.

Harry slammed the album shut, reached over and stuffed it back into his cabinet. He took off his robe and glasses and got into bed, making sure the hangings were hiding him from view. He heard Ron come in a few minutes later and call him hesitantly, but the raging storm within him was enough to drown all other people out.

He didn't remember falling asleep. He dreamt of red eyes and harsh laughter. When he woke, the hatred remained.


	9. Gifts & Curses

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait! My best friend was in town, so he's been dragging me around the city all weekend. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!

Decided to start using the letters as a preface to the regular chapters - seems like a waste to use up an entire chapter for something so short, right?

**eighteenethavenue:** Slowly, slowly... But definitely soon! Thanks so much for the review!

**wickedgrl123: **Thank you so much! Yeah, Harry got to be a bit annoying to me too, especially during the Fifth Book. I think I'm altering his personality slightly, but it's making him easier to deal with I think haha. And yes, I really hope you all think the wait it worth it! I'm already drafting their reunion, but it's coming slower than I'd originally planned. Thank you again and thanks for the wait!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Thank you so much! I can't tell you how happy I am that you like Rowan's character so much. And yeah, write one! Let me know if you want someone to look over it or anything :]

**SMGF1:** Thank you, as always!

**missalex3030:** Thank you! I've been a little nervous about the POV jumping, so I'm glad that it's coming across ok! Thanks again!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**December 25, 1982**

_Dear Remus,_

_Merry Christmas. It's certainly been a while now, hasn't it? After the last letter, I told myself I wasn't going to write again, but I'm feeling particularly vulnerable right now. It's weird how reaching for even this inanimate version of you still is an instinct for me, even after all this time apart. You'd think I'd have grown out of it by now, right? I'm not entirely sure it's out of any sort of need to write to you, specifically. Perhaps it's just easier for me to write in a journal if I pretend it's to an actual person. Or perhaps I still have that masochistic need to yearn emptily, out of some sort of self-pity. I'm still not sure what it is._

_Anyway, like I said, I'm feeling vulnerable on this day. It's my very first Christmas away from home. I suppose Amrit and Lescos have become as much family to me as anyone else at this point - they've seen me at some pretty low points since coming here - but I can't help but feel terribly homesick right now. I miss my mum and Alfred and Mina and you. Mum sent me a photo of the children after an afternoon out in the snow, and I couldn't help but cry a little. I don't even know them yet, but they all looked so happy. Mum looks happy. I want to know each and every one of them. I keep telling myself that at this time next year, I'll be ready to go home and will be playing in the snow with them. There will be another photo taken, and I'll be in it as well._

_But I don't actually know if that's true. I don't know when I'll be home, and I don't know when this research will ever end -_ if_ it will ever end_._ The longer and longer I'm here, the more and more I realize how little I know, how much information still remains a mystery to me. The years of work seem to stretch ahead of me endlessly. I often find myself wondering what Master Belby thought of it all. Did he ever resent Marie in the way that I sometimes resent you for all of this? It's petty to think that way - after all, you warned me again and again away from this - and yet, I can't help but sometimes blame you anyway. After all, if I'd never fallen in love with you, then I wouldn't be here. If we'd been able to walk away from each other years ago, maybe I'd still be in London. Maybe Master Belby would still be alive, safe and unbeknownst to me. Maybe I'd have some comfortable Ministry job, and we'd see each other with our friends from time to time, but that'd be it. I'd be seeing some man with a different Ministry job, and my parents would like him, and he'd be nice and well-dressed and polite._

_The thought occurred to me earlier while I was outside. I stepped out of the house for about an hour to simply stand in the cold on our hill. There's an amazing view of the sky since there are so few lights all the way out here. It was beautiful in the summer, but there's just something about seeing the snow stretching outward over the hills with the stars overhead. The light is so cold. Sometimes, I pretend that I can breathe it and that if I take in enough, it'll make me float upward._

_As I stood on the hill contemplating how my life would have been different, I nearly laughed at the absurdity of it all. I mean, can you imagine? Me in dress robes everyday, sitting at a large desk in an office - it's ridiculous, isn't it? I can barely sit still while in my laboratory. I can't even imagine how miserable I'd be if I were to have pursued a Ministry job. __I mentioned this to Mina in my last letter, and she said I probably could have been an Auror - that counts as a Ministry job. I suppose that's true, but can you imagine me as an Auror? I can't. Auror Delacroix. It doesn't sound right. I can barely say the word "auror" correctly as it is. Whoever came up with that title should be flogged for being a twit. Just another reason I was never meant to be in the Ministry._

_So really, I have to conclude that I'd rather live my life out alone in the woods of Hungary than at a boring desk in London with a boring Ministry husband. That was quite a roundabout way of making such a statement, wasn't it?_

_I suddenly feel a little better about my lot in life. At least here, I know that I'm doing some worthwhile. I'm meeting interesting people and discovering different cultures and trying different brews of butterbeer. I have much to be grateful for. _

_Well, Merry Christmas again. I hope you and your dad are spending it together and are keeping warm. Tell him I said hello. Hopefully I'll only owe him one Christmas present and not two years' worth._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 8: Gifts & Curses**

I.

"Oy! Presents!"

Harry winced as he was hit with a pillow and then suddenly blinded with the wintery light as Ron pulled back his bed hangings. He blindly reached for his glasses and put them on, squinting through the sudden brightness to the foot of his bed, where a small heap of parcels had appeared. He felt a surge of warmth - he still couldn't believe that he had presents at all. Ron was already ripping the paper off his own presents.

Ron had another maroon sweater from his mother with a pair of socks to match, much to his disgust. Mrs. Weasley had knitted Harry one as well, but a deep scarlet with a golden lion - Ron eyed it jealously. There were gifts from Hermione and Ron and a couple of dirty socks from the Dursleys, but at the bottom of the pile was a thin and long package. He frowned.

"What's that?" asked Ron.

"I don't know."

Harry ripped the parcel open and gasped as a magnificent, gleaming broomstick rolled out onto his bedspread. Ron scrambled off his bed over to Harry's.

"I don't believe it," he croaked.

It was a Firebolt, the dream broom he'd stared at covetingly everyday while in Diagon Alley. Its handle glittered as he picked it up, smooth and polished. He could feel it vibrating and let go; it hung in midair, unsupported, at exactly the right height for him to mount it. His eyes moved from the golden registration number at the top of the handle, right down to the perfectly smooth, streamlined birch twigs that made up the tail.

"Who sent it to you?" said Ron in a hushed voice. Harry shook his head dumbly.

"Look and see if there's a card," he breathed.

Ron leapt forward and ripped apart the Firebolt's wrappings frantically.

"Nothing! Blimey, who'd spend that much on you?"

"I have no idea," he breathed.

"I bet it was Dumbledore," said Ron, now walking around and around the Firebolt with awe, reverently. "He sent you the Invisibility Cloak anonymously."

"That was my dad's, though," said Harry. "Dumbledore was just passing it on to me. He can't go spending this kind of money on students."

"That's why he wouldn't say it was from him!" Ron exclaimed. "In case some git like Malfoy said it was favoritism. Hey, Harry!" Ron gave a great whoop of laughter. "Malfoy! Wait 'til he sees you on this! He'll be sick as a pig! This is an international standard broom, this is!"

"I can't believe this," Harry muttered. He reached forward hesitantly to run a hand along the Firebolt, while Ron sank onto Harry's bed, laughing his head off at the thought of Malfoy. "Who...?"

"What're you two laughing about?"

Hermione had just come in, wearing her dressing gown and carrying Crookshanks, who was looking very grumpy, with a string of tinsel tied around his neck.

"Don't bring him in here!" said Ron, hurriedly snatching Scabbers from the depths of his bed and stowing him in his pajama pocket.

But Hermione wasn't listening. She dropped Crookshanks onto Seamus's empty bed and stared, open-mouthed, at the Firebolt.

"Oh, Harry! Who sent you that?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out."

To his great surprise, Hermione did not appear either excited or intrigued by the news. On the contrary, her face fell, and she bit her lip.

"What's the matter with you?" said Ron.

"I don't know," said Hermione slowly, "but it's a bit odd, isn't it? I mean, this is supposed to be quite a good broom, isn't it?"

Ron sighed exasperatedly.

"It's the best broom there is, Hermione," he said.

"So it must've been really expensive, right? Who'd send Harry something as expensive as that and not even tell him they'd sent it?" said Hermione. Ron suddenly perked up.

"Rowan!" he exclaimed. Harry's chest contracted. He looked up to see Ron beaming victoriously. "I bet you anything it was Rowan!" he repeated. "She's got tons of gold! Her family's loaded and then her apothecary's really successful. I bet she sent it to you!"

Harry stared hard at the broomstick, hands gripped numbly around the handle. His chest was tight at the thought of the older woman. Could she really have sent it to him?

"It's hard to believe, you know? All these years, she's been friends with Mum and Dad, and it turns out she was your godmother all along," Ron said with some awe. "Man, I never would've even imagined it. Like something out of a book, huh?"

"Wait," Hermione interrupted, frowning, "if Rowan is friends with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, do you think..." She turned to look at Harry. "Do you think your parents were friends with them too?"

Harry leaned back and thought about it for a moment. "That'd make sense," he said. He looked over at Ron, who had a similar confused expression. But then Ron's face slowly spread into a grin. He leaned forward as if sharing a juicy bit of gossip.

"You reckon we used to know each other, like before all that happened?" he said, grinning broadly. Harry rolled the idea over in his head and then felt his own face stretch into a smile. Hermione squealed.

"You two might have played with each other as babies!" she gushed. She looked between them, beaming excitedly. Harry tried to imagine himself as an infant, falling over himself and a tiny redheaded Ron. For some reason, he couldn't imagine Ron as a baby, but rather a baby's body with Ron's head as it was now. He laughed out loud at the thought. Ron also chuckled a bit.

"Man, who would've thought?" he said again. His face fell a bit. "Rowan's probably been thinking about you all along, eh? Think about it - you could've been living with her all this time if it weren't for that charm," he said quietly.

Harry felt the lightness fall away slightly. He imagined the pretty dark-haired woman from his parents' wedding photo. Did she still think about him, after all this time? Had she been watching over him, too, secretly? He didn't know her - hadn't even known she'd existed until the day before - but his chest ached sharply suddenly with a need to know this woman. He wanted her to know that he knew about her. He wanted to know the bright voice he'd been unable to hear from the photo.

"I have to meet her," he said firmly.

Ron nodded eagerly, but Hermione cut him off before he could say anything.

"No, Harry, you heard the Minister - you're not supposed to even know about her! She'd ask how you found out, and then she'd know that you were out of the castle already!" she reasoned.

"But we don't have to tell her about that - I'll just say that I found her picture in my parents' old photo album, and Ron recognized her and put two and two together," Harry argued. He knew Hermione was right, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to meet her, to talk to her.

"Harry, she's obviously still in communication with Dumbledore and McGonagall. If you show up at her apothecary, she's going to tell them, and you'll get in so much trouble! You can't go! When all of this is over and Black is behind bars again, then maybe-"

"God, fine," he relented in a huff. He slumped back in his chair and thought quickly for a moment before smiling again. Hermione eyed him warily.

"What're you thinking, Harry?" she asked. He grinned and shook his head.

"Nothing, Hermione. Don't worry about it," he said. Hermione groaned and flopped back into her own seat, obviously giving up.

Harry didn't have to meet her yet - that could wait - but he could still see her. He mentally checked off his Invisibility Cloak, tucked safely in his trunk upstairs in the dormitory. He'd probably have to wait a month until the next Hogsmeade trip, but he'd be able to see her soon - this Potions Master, his godmother. He gripped the Firebolt in his hands tightly.

He could hardly wait.

* * *

II.

"Hello?" Rowan called. She stepped into the foyer of her parents' home - now the James and Lily Potter Home for Children - and heard loud chatter from farther in the house. She smiled warmly as she shook the snow from her boots and coat, quickly ridding herself of them and letting out one last shiver as the heat settled into her. "Anyone home?" she called out.

The giggling suddenly stopped, followed by a loud shriek and a stampede of feet. She grimaced slightly and braced herself.

"ROWAN!" came a roar. She was suddenly assaulted by the arms of about seven children. She barely caught the flying form of a small boy as he threw himself into her with a loud grunt. She laughed delightedly as they pulled on her jumper this way and that, bombarding her with a verbal onslaught.

"You're late!"

"We already started opening presents!"

"What did you get us this year?"

"Is Mina coming too?"

Rowan grinned and set Lionel Dearborn down. "You, sir, are much too old to be doing that still," she scolded the twelve year-old. He grinned cheekily up at her. She smiled with exasperation and turned back to the eager faces staring up at her. "I know, I'm sorry, you'll see, and no, she has to work this year. Come on then, get back to the living room, or you won't see what I've brought you lot," she teased. They all squealed and sprinted back as quickly as they came. Rowan gave a great sigh as the oldest stepped forward quietly.

"Morning, Morgan," she said tiredly. He grinned.

"They missed you," he said. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"Dunno why. I was just here last night," she said. The boy smiled broadly. Rowan assessed him for a moment and then grinned. He was wearing a brand new yellow beanie with black badgers knitted around its edge.

"That's a sharp looking hat. From whom?" she asked. He blushed slightly and scratched the back of his head.

"You already know," he mumbled. Rowan laughed and slung an arm around his shoulders.

"So popular," she teased. "Come on, better get back there before they tear me apart," she said, dragging him to the living room where a roar of cheers met them.

* * *

III.

"Merry Christmas, Dad."

Lyall smiled brightly as Remus leaned forward over the couch to give his father a tight embrace, insisting that he not get up. He smiled as Remus sat down next to him. His smiled broadened as he saw the small bag in his hands.

"What have you got there?" he asked. Remus smiled sheepishly.

"Well, I know you never want anything, but what with my new job and everything, I figured it was only right that I get you a present this year." He reached into the bag. "It's not much, but I thought you'd like it." He pulled out a bottle of top shelf firewhiskey and a large framed photo.

"I know you like this brand, and well..." he said, running a hand through his hair, ears warm with embarrassment. "It's me and the Third Years at Hogwarts... Harry's class."

Lyall's eyes widened as he took the photo into his hands. Remus stood to the side of the gathered children, who were all laughing and shoving each other playfully. Remus seemed to be trying to get them to settle down but was obviously having a hard time fighting his own amusement. Lyall's eyes crinkled happily as they traced over Harry's form, near the front. His arms were slung over Ron and Hermione's.

"That's Ron Weasley there with Harry and their friend Hermione. She's the top of their year - incredibly bright girl, reminds me of Lily actually," he said, pointing out the children. He then pointed to the round-faced boy huddled in the middle, looking confused and lost in the mayhem of his classmates' shouting. "And that's Neville Longbottom, Alice and Frank's son," he said smiling.

"Well, I'll be," Lyall breathed wondrously. "All of them together again - who would've thought?" He smiled brightly at Ron and Harry's grinning faces. "And best friends, too, it seems - strange how fate brings us back together again," he marveled. Remus nodded, smiling fondly at them.

"So you're getting on well with the students?" Lyall asked, still looking over the photo. Remus smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, almost impossibly well," he said. "There are a few Slytherins who have been giving me some attitude, but that was to be expected I suppose. All the other children have been fantastic though."

Lyall nodded, pleased. "That's wonderful to hear. I can't say I expected any less from you though," he said proudly. He stared hard at Harry's grinning face. "Have you spoken at all to him? What's he like?"

Remus smiled faintly. "He's very sharp - a little too sharp for his own good, I think. Quiet and serious... Sensitive - I think he feels things much more acutely than most boys his age, which I suppose is to be expected, considering what he's been through." His face fell slightly. "He's been having a very hard time with the Dementors." Lyall frowned and looked up at Remus. Remus grimaced slightly. "He's asked me to teach him how to produce a Patronus."

Lyall's frown deepened. "That's some very advanced magic though," he said. Remus nodded. "What did you tell him?"

Remus shrugged. "I said it'd have to wait until after the holidays in the hope that he'd forget, but I don't think he will. He seems very intent on learning it. I've never seen a boy his age so determined to learn anything before. It's almost frightening."

Lyall nodded. "What are you going to do then?" he asked. Remus sighed.

"I think I'm going to turn him down. I'll only be setting him up for disappointment. And he's so hard on himself already - I don't know what he'll do once he starts realizing that the spell is too advanced for him."

Lyall didn't nod again though, to Remus' surprise. He looked at his father curiously, who seemed to be in thought.

"I think you should do it," he said finally. Remus frowned. "If he's as determined as you say he is, then he won't give it up, even if you say no. He'll try to learn it on his own, which could lead him to getting hurt, especially if he goes off looking for Dementors to practice on alone. If he's anything like James, I can easily see him pushing himself too hard." Remus' stomach twisted at the thought. "And you never know - he could actually do it. He is Lily and James' son after all. He's bound to have a good amount of talent in there, no matter how small he is." He smiled fondly down at the boy's moving form in the photo.

Remus also looked down. Harry beamed up at him and then shot a quick comment to Ron, who laughed grandly. Hermione grinned. Remus smiled at how young he looked - much more like how a boy of his age should act.

He then saw a red plate of sweets and a box of brightly-colored vials on the table in front of them. He didn't recognize the plate or the package.

"What's that?" he asked, frowning slightly. Lyall looked up and then smiled softly.

"From Mina and Rowan," he said. "They stopped by the other day to say hello. The treacle tart is from Mina. The box is from Rowan - a mystery set of her 'recent, most entertaining experiments,' she said. I'm a little worried about what she put in there. Last time she gave me something of the sort, one of them attracted an entire pack of dogs from the neighborhood - had to apologize to all their owners," he said amusedly, looking at it with fond smile.

But Remus continued to frown. He knew that Rowan was still in contact with his father, but he hadn't known that she and Mina were still on such intimate terms with him. Lyall seemed to be ignoring the dark look on his son's face.

"They seem to be doing well. Mina's looking a little overworked, but I suppose that's to be expected at the moment. Rowan says that her new shop is starting to really pick up business," he continued. His smile broadened a bit at the thought of his son's former girlfriend. "She also looks tired. She's been running the new store alone and doing her research at the same time while also keeping up with her apprentice at the London location. I keep telling her to get a shopkeeper, but she insists she can handle it. That girl works too hard for her own good."

Remus watched his father carefully, though the older man simply remained smiling at the photo in his hands. His hair was a very light gray now, lines heavy in his face.

"You're not going to tell me to talk to her?" Remus asked. Lyall looked at him with a crooked smile.

"Why would I do that?" he asked. Remus gave him a pointed look, and Lyall's smile melted. "If telling you to talk to her worked, then you would still be together now," he said calmly. Remus grimaced slightly. "I know you'll talk to her again eventually, even if it's not for another decade, but pushing you to do it before you're at peace with yourself won't do any good."

Remus didn't look at Lyall. He simply frowned at the case of small vials on the table. There was a liquid with a deep, clear indigo ink and a red bottle of a dark abyss of blackness. His eyes trailed over the glass as he thought of Rowan. Was such a thing really possible for him?

Lyall sighed. He then smiled brightly and reached for the clear bottle of neon orange syrup with the label that said, _Throw Me_. "Enough talk of that. Now, let's see what she gave me this year!" he declared. He popped the cork off of the vial with a flourish, and the scent of dripping honey filled the room. He tossed the liquid into the air, where it shattered like glass with a loud _crack._ Remus flinched at the sound and the bright flash of golden light. He opened his eyes.

Golden butterflies made of light danced around the room, hundreds of them. Lyall laughed loudly and clapped his hands at the spectacle. His eyes glowed happily with the flickering flashes of gold and amber. Remus heard her laughter in each flutter of wing, each spark of light. The butterflies flittered and fluttered for a few seconds and then with another _crack_, they burst into slowly trickling sparks. Remus felt them sprinkle over his skin, surprisingly cold.

His chest was tight as he watched the glowing sparks fade slowly. He felt her slipping away from that brief moment, as if a piece of her had been in that tiny vial. As the lights dripped away, the room suddenly felt considerably duller, mundane. His eyes searched for another glimmer of that light. But it was gone.

Lyall continued to smile. He took a deep, happy breath of the sweet scent that still remained and then looked down. His eyes crinkled fondly. The black ink on label that had read _Throw Me_ had shifted into a new message: _An Orange__ Spring._

* * *

IV.

"No gentleman friends this year?"

Rowan looked up from watching the little girl in her lap read to see her mother gliding towards her in her floating wheelchair. She snorted.

"Like you were even expecting it," she responded. The little brunette beamed up at her. Carole smiled and set the chair down next to Rowan at the table. She reached up, and the teapot sprang to her hand. She poured herself a cup of steaming tea gracefully.

"No, but a mother can hope, right?" Rowan rolled her eyes but smiled.

"Do you really want me to settle down that badly?" she asked. Carole looked thoughtful for a moment as she sipped her tea.

"Hmm... not particularly, no. I can't imagine any normal man being able to keep up with you, truth be told," she said lightly. She then grinned. "Perhaps Archy?" she teased.

Rowan rolled her eyes. Five year-old Archibald Gowanus had made it well-known among the house that he was intent on marrying Rowan when he grew up, announcing it proudly each time he saw her. It had been endearing the first few times, but now it was beginning to become a bit off-putting. He'd already announced it twice this morning. She'd expected the phase to pass quickly, but he seemed firm in his decision to make Rowan his wife someday. She hoped desperately that he'd move onto another girl his own age soon.

"You're going to regret giving them those."

Rowan and Carole looked up to see Morgan Fenwick standing in the doorway with an amused smile. Rowan grinned and gestured for him to take a seat. There was the sound of shrieking laughter from outside, where the children were playing on the toy broomsticks she'd given them - with the permission of her mother first, of course.

The tiny brunette in her lap scrambled for the boy, fumbling with her new chunky book. He held out his arms for her patiently as she plopped down in his lap.

"Who gave you that, Lettie?" he asked. The girl pointed up at Rowan with a bright smile.

"Winnie," she said happily. "She knows I don't like flying." She then promptly opened the book up again and buried her nose in it. Rowan smiled crookedly.

"So I'm assuming things are going well with Heidi," she said smiling, nodding to his new hat. Morgan smiled humbly.

"Yeah, she's good," he said simply.

Morgan had been the first child placed at the orphanage, the son of one of her late comrades, Benjy Fenwick. He and his wife had been murdered most gruesomely at the end of the war. Rowan still shuddered as she remembered the dazed look on Mina's face as she'd returned to the Order after that battle, her robes splattered with blood. Morgan had only been three at the time, now nearly sixteen.

But despite the tragic loss of his parents, he'd grown happily and healthily under Carole and Alfred's care. He was the epitome of a Hufflepuff, with a quiet warmth and kind face. He had also grown quite popular with the girls, if Aarini's conspiratorial whispers were true. He was currently dating one of his house team's Chasers, a cute blonde girl named Heidi. He seemed happy, but Rowan had been unable to get any details out of him. Despite their closeness, he was a very private boy.

"Don't be so modest, Morgana!"

They all looked up to see a bubbly girl plop down next to Morgan, grinning broadly. "They're more than 'good' - caught them snogging in the Fifth Floor corridors the other week, in fact," she said conspiratorially. His face turned bright red.

"Gill!" he barked. "Shut up!" But the girl just laughed heartily and slapped him on the back roughly. He muttered something under his breath and shot her a nasty look, which she accepted proudly.

"Gillian, mind your manners," Carole said warningly.

Gillian nodded, "Okay, okay," she conceded, but still grinned at Rowan.

Gillian Dearborn was Lionel's older sister, also a Fifth Year at Hogwarts. She was tall and lanky with sandy brown hair and a seemingly permanent grin. A good friend of the Weasley twins, she'd been disappointed in her placement into Hufflepuff with Morgan but had quickly carved a name for herself in the usually tame house. She'd declared herself at a young age to be on a mission from God to torment Morgan at every turn and had done a good job at fulfilling such a task. She was also on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team with Heidi, which didn't help the boy either.

"Honestly, I would've found out anyway," she said. "Heidi tells me everything already." Carole shot her another look, and she snapped her mouth shut. Rowan smiled with some exasperation.

"Ready for those O.W.L.s?" she asked, changing the subject. Morgan shrugged.

"I'll be okay, I reckon," he said. Rowan smiled and shook her head - as simple of a young man as ever, he seemed.

"What about you?" she asked, turning to Gillian.

"Oh, you _know_ I'm going to be kicking some ass and taking names," she said confidently ["Gillian," Carole warned again]. "Professor McGonagall even offered to give me private advanced lessons since I'm so ahead of the class. I don't know if I want to do it though - sounds like a lot of time for little reward, especially when I could be playing Quidditch," she said flippantly.

"Take the lessons, Gillian. It's not often that a witch as great at Minerva offers them. You should grab the opportunity while you have it," she said sternly. Gillian sighed dramatically but nodded her head. Rowan smiled - Gillian might put up a big front, but she respected Carole's advice more than anything. She'd probably shave her head if Carole asked her to.

"_Rowan!"_

Rowan flinched as she heard Alfred's voice angrily echo down the hall, followed by a series of banging stomps. The kitchen door suddenly slammed open, revealing the tall man covered head to toe with snow, arms and legs dripping with cold ice water. Isaac peered over his shoulder with a smile, looking very serene and dry. Rowan grinned sheepishly.

"This is what you've done. This is what those brooms of yours have done to me," he growled. Rowan recoiled a bit. The little girl Lettie, Gillian and Morgan were giggling quietly.

_"Alfred, where'd you go? You're supposed to be Keeper!"_

The older man blanched. Rowan cringed as she heard the loud thudding of approaching feet. But then they suddenly stopped, and another soft voice was heard.

"I will be Keeper. Let Alfred have a rest, Lionel."

Alfred's frame seemed to deflate with relief. He looked to the door with a deep smile of gratitude, and the pale head of his partner Isaac D'Este peered in. He gave his calm, typical smile and then turned back to the eager boy.

"We are playing by the real rules this time though. No Calvin Ball Quidditch," he said, his voice fading as he and Lionel made their way to the back door.

"What! But Isaac-"

There was a slam, and silence filled the house once more. Rowan slumped with some relief - she had been somewhat scared that she was going to get roped into playing with them again. Alfred shot her another look, and she smiled contritely. Perhaps the broomsticks _had_ been a bad idea.


	10. Boys Will Be Boys

**A/N: **HEY DID YOU READ THE LAST CHAPTER? This is a mothafucking DOUBLE POST.

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**April 20, 1983**

_Dear Remus,_

_How are you? It's been a while since I last wrote, though I don't suppose it really matters - it's not like you're reading this, right? Seems sort of useless, but for some reason, I just can't stop myself. And so it goes._

_I've been here for over a year now. It's beginning to cool again, much to my relief. I'm no good with too much heat, as you know. I've finally gotten enough of a grasp on the language to sound decent, though my accent is still pretty terrible. The men in town like to make fun of it. They're always going on about how "twangy" it sounds and how I don't roll my r's correctly. It's a little embarrassing but also refreshing in a way. It reminds me of all the times James and Sirius would make fun of me while we were growing up. It's strange how much I miss that sort of camaraderie, even if it was at my expense._

_The flowers are beginning to bloom again. They're really something to behold, even during the day. I was surprised that they've remained blooming all this time, but the locals say that the flowers die and then regrow quickly as long as it's warm, unlike most plants that have a set seasonal lifespan. Theoretically, I could keep them blooming year-round if tended to correctly. It's an incredibly convenient property, don't you think? Almost a little too good to be true, really._

_I've made another discovery with the flowers. Years ago, Master Belby had noted fluctuations in the flowers' reactions to the full moon in minute ways. Sometimes they bloom a bit differently, or the magnitude of their light is greater. Sometimes they even turn a bit physically. Master Belby had just thought they were random changes, but I have a theory that there are differences between cycles depending on the position of the earth in relation to the moon and perhaps even solar position, which would also help to explain why you have a harder time during some months than others, regardless of pre-existing stress or anxiety. I think that, depending on the position of the moon and other astronomical factors, the flowers develop different chemical reactions, which can be harnessed or compensated for with other variables and ingredients. Amrit has a friend in the astronomy department at the university here whom she says can probably help me understand better. I'm nearly giddy with excitement._

_But those flowers - Remus, I wish you could see the full moon solely to witness that glowing field. The flowers open as the sun sets every night and then close at dawn, but on the night of the full moon, those blossoms emit this beautiful white light. The entire field illuminates with this glow, and then it's as if all of the fireflies in the mountains appear, adding their own yellow rhythm to the night. The flowers give off this seductively sweet scent, perhaps to lure the fireflies near. The first time I experienced it, I thought of that quote from the great wizard Ptolemy: "I know that I am mortal by nature and ephemeral, but when I trace at my pleasure the windings to and fro of the heavenly bodies, I no longer touch earth with my feet. I stand in the presence of Zeus himself and take my fill of ambrosia."_

_It's in those moments that I feel so very small, and I bask in the comfort of insignificance. It's been therapeutic, almost. I was so afraid when I arrived here - I still am I suppose - but after all that's occurred in the past year and a half, insignificance is really what I ought to feel I think. It feels like a cheap resolution to losing James and Lily - "oh, well, none of us matter anyway" - but there's almost a sense of twisted glory in self-loathing and mourning, isn't there? We spend so much time focusing on how unfair it is, how lonely we are, when in the great scheme of things, we don't matter. It seems to come into conflict with the very nature of my work - after all, if it doesn't matter then what I'm doing really makes no difference - but somehow, it's given me a renewed enthusiasm for my goals. Strange how these things work. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much._

_There's something else though. I don't really know how to say it. I'm not even sure why it's so difficult for me to admit it - it's not like you're even reading these letters - but it's still hard for me even admit to myself. Well, I've met someone. There. I don't know how significant it is. Actually, it really isn't at all. I can't say I have any feelings for him beyond the normal affection shared between friends, but he's been very direct about his intentions. I'm not sure how to react to it. It's been a very long time since anyone has shown such an interest in me, since Barty I suppose._

_His name is Heinrich, another traveling researcher from Germany. He's tall and tanned and very handsome with nearly as many scars as you've got. He's here to study the Hungarian Horntails. I laughed when he first told me - I couldn't believe that I'd met an actual dragon tamer after spending so much time telling people that that's what you were. He didn't get the joke._

_Anyway, I met him last month at one of the wizarding pubs in the city of Zirc while gathering supplies with Lescos. While I was waiting for him to get back from the market, Heinrich sort of came out of nowhere and insisted that he buy me a drink. It was strong and clear and tasted like gasoline. You know that I can handle my liquor, but my god - I had two shots of that and was falling over myself drunk. Lescos had to practically carry me back to Porva._

_I barely remembered him the next morning through the haze of my hangover, but he showed up suddenly in the village about a week later, looking for me. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't even remember telling him that I was staying in Porva, but there he was. You should've seen my face - I'm sure I looked like a right idiot, gaping at him in the middle of the street. I brushed him off that day, but he came back again a few days later, and I felt so bad that I accepted his invitation to dinner. It was surprisingly refreshing to be able to talk to a peer again. I mean, I love being around Lescos and Amrit, but Amrit is just so much more sophisticated than I am, and Lescos is so in love with Amrit that it's hard not to feel like a third wheel nearly all the time._

_But I don't know. As fun and charming as Heinrich is, I don't think I have a romantic bone in my body. I've tried - really I have - but every time I even attempt to imagine myself being with anyone, let alone Heinrich, there's that terrible nausea in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to vomit. I've been very honest with him about my situation - I told him vaguely about you - but he still seems determined. I don't really know what to make of it. It doesn't seem like he'll be discouraged any time soon, so I suppose I'll just humor him for now. Is that wrong? I feel like it is, like I'm leading him on, even though I've been very direct with him. I guess I'll have to wait and see. I'm sure he'll get bored of me eventually._

_Anyway, I hope the spring treats you well. Tomorrow is some local spring festival here. The locals say it's a really big event with music and fireworks and even an entire roasted pig! I'm pretty excited about the sweets. Say hello to your dad for me._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 9: ****Boys Will Be Boys**

I.

Rowan walked down the bright wintery streets of Hogsmeade. Her cheeks burned from the icy chill, but she felt warm as random witches and wizards greeted her cheerily.

"Morning, Master Delacroix!"

"I'll see you this afternoon, Miss Rowan! Get a bottle of cough tonic ready for me!"

She smiled and waved with one hand, the other holding a large pink box full of sweets. It was the first Hogsmeade trip of the new term - late January - and Rowan imagined she'd be seeing some Weasleys in one form or another. If not - well, that meant she had the cake all to herself, didn't it? She grinned greedily.

But as she arrived back at her shop, she was greeted by not red hair and gangling arms, but a small girl with frizzy hair and sad eyes. She was staring at the door's "Back in 15" sign with a conflicted look.

"Hermione?" Rowan asked, frowning. The girl jumped slightly, eyes wide with embarrassment. "What're you doing here alone? Where's Ron?"

At the mere mentioning of Ron, Hermione's lips began to tremble, eyes filling with tears. Rowan's eyes widened with shock and then assessed her quietly before giving her a reassuring smile. She reached forward and wrapped an arm around her. Hermione stiffened at the contact but then practically melted into her embrace. It seemed that she had been in desperate need of a hug.

"Come on. I just got some strawberry cake from the bakery. I'll make us some tea, and you can tell me about the new term," she offered. Hermione nodded into shoulder.

* * *

Hermione sat at the counter of Rowan's apothecary, sniffling slightly as Rowan settled back into the shop. She looked around at the small changes that had popped up since the last time she'd been there in October - there were some new bottles and shelves, but most noticeably, there was a large cauldron on the corner of the counter giving off an ominous, odorless rolling smoke. Rowan pulled out a kettle from her cupboard and set it to boil then set down the cake between them. After setting a particularly large slice in front of the girl, Rowan sat back down in her own stool and leaned forward with a warm smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered kindly.

Hermione looked hard at her slice of cake, lips trembling again. Should she tell Rowan? She was so close to the Weasleys - wouldn't she just take Ron's side? But as she looked up into the older woman's face, she felt her resolve begin to break. Rowan looked genuinely concerned for her, and she seemed so honest, so earnest. Surely, she would understand! And Hermione had barely been able to talk to anyone about it for nearly a month - only Hagrid knew about the reasons for her fight with Ron and Harry. Suddenly, she felt her tears spilling over again.

"It's Ron and Harry!" she cried. She knew it was a poor choice to speak of Harry to Rowan after finding out their relationship, but she couldn't keep it in anymore. "Harry got a Firebolt for Christmas, and I thought it was suspicious, so I told McGonagall, who thought I was right to tell her. But Harry and Ron got so mad, especially when she took it to have it jinx-proofed, and now they won't speak to me at all, and I've barely slept at all because of all my schoolwork, and then there's Buckbeak, and I've been so lonely. I don't know what to do-" she rambled.

Rowan's eyes widened with shock as the barrage of information came out of this small girl. She tried to fully absorb the story, but her head seemed to be spinning. She finally put a hand up to stop the girl's verbal onslaught.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she halted. Hermione's mouth quickly snapped shut, eyes red with tears, nose dripping slightly. She took a heaving breath but silenced herself. Rowan smiled sympathetically and summoned a box of tissues from the shelf, offering it to the girl, who accepted it with a nod of thanks. "Start from the beginning. Slowly." Hermione nodded again.

The story eventually came out of what happened at Christmas - about the broomstick and Hermione's suspicions, then McGonagall's confiscation and Ron and Harry's subsequent anger. Rowan's frown deepened farther and farther as she took in the information until she was scowling.

"And so I've just been alone for the past month, and they still won't speak to me. And with all my courses, I'm barely sleeping at all, which is just making it worse. I just don't know what to do," she finished weakly, a fresh batch of tears on her face. A great wave of relief hit her as the burden came off her chest. Rowan glared angrily at the young girl. Hermione was afraid for a moment, but then she realized she wasn't angry _at_ her, but _for_ her.

"I'm sorry this has happened, Hermione. You don't deserve any of this," she said firmly. Hermione felt her lips tremble again. "You certainly did the right thing by telling McGonagall about the broom, and honestly, I think you're right about its origins. Can you think of anyone else who might've sent it?"

Hermione shook her head sadly. "Ron said Dumbledore first, but I don't think he'd spend that much on Harry. He likes him a lot, but he would never show such favoritism with gifts," she said. Rowan nodded in agreement. "And then Ron said maybe it was Professor Lupin, but if he had that much gold, he wouldn't dress so poorly."

Rowan frowned. "Is he a bad dresser?" she asked dumbly. She cocked her head with her eyebrows deeply furrowed. Hermione couldn't help but giggle.

"No, no! He's not a _bad_ dresser. He just- well..." she stopped and thought for a moment. She blushed a bit. "His clothes are obviously very old and in poor repair, as if he hasn't bought any new ones in a very long time," she said carefully.

Rowan nodded slowly in understanding. "I see," she said quietly. She stopped to think for a moment. Hermione watched her warily.

"So I can't imagine anyone else who might've sent the Firebolt to Harry," Hermione continued slowly. She held her gaze pointedly. Rowan frowned with a guarded look. _Was it you?_

"_Hell-o?_" sang a voice. The door bell chimed in sync. Both women looked up from their staring contest to see a stocky man with a square face and a broad grin. A large milky scar ran across his cheek from the bridge of his nose to the corner of his eye. He had dark gray hair and a missing bottom tooth, which his smile seemed determined to show off.

"Stewart!" Rowan greeted happily. She all but flew around the corner to hug the man, who squeezed her tightly and lifted her off the ground with a guffaw. She laughed delightedly and beamed up at the man as he set her down. She then turned to Hermione.

"Hermione, this is Stewart, one of my favorite customers," she explained. "Stewart, this is my friend Hermione, a Third Year up at the castle." Hermione felt her stomach jump at the affectionate title. She smiled shyly, blushing with obvious pleasure at being referred to as this woman's friend.

Stewart beamed at her. Hermione felt the tension in her back release slightly at his warmth. He reminded her a bit of Hagrid. "Third Year, eh? What house?" he bellowed. His was Scottish, Hermione noted. His r's were long and dramatically drawn out, as if to emphasize the accent.

"Gryffindor," she answered politely. His grin broadened even farther, if possible.

"Excellent!" he bellowed. "Excellent, excellent! I thought ya looked like a Gryffindor! Me, I was in Gryffindor, too! Gotta stick together, we do, eh?" Rowan seemed to proudly grow a couple of inches next to him. Hermione cowered a bit under their impressive presence. Even though this man was probably three times Rowan's size, she seemed to match his fire and then some. Hermione was in awe.

Rowan then made her way back around the counter quickly to the smoking cauldron of potion and promptly began ladling some of its contents into a large glass. It was clear but diffracted the light differently than water would, almost like rubbing alcohol. The smoke never ceased to come off its surface. As she worked, Stewart turned back to Hermione.

"So Gryffindor - how's that Quidditch Cup lookin' this year?" he asked. Hermione smiled brightly.

"Good! I really think we have a good shot at winning this year! Our team is certainly the best it's been in a long time!" she answered. Stewart grinned broadly and then turned back to Rowan as she pushed the tall glass to him. He took it with grand words of thanks and then downed it in a single gulp.

"Blah, never gets better, does it?" he asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and a grimace. He took the slice of bread that Rowan had suddenly procured and shoved into his mouth ravenously. Hermione flinched as he swallowed it down, his face contorting with some pain as it forced its way down his throat hastily.

"Ah, much better," he gasped. "Ya'd think I'd be used to it by now, wouldn't ya?" he asked amusedly to Hermione. "But that taste is just as terrible as always. The bread does take a bit o' the edge off though." Hermione's eyes widened with understanding. The smoking potion, the terrible taste-

"I'm sorry, does that mean-" Hermione blurted suddenly. Her face turned bright pink before shutting her mouth quickly with horror. She couldn't believe she'd been so rude! But Stewart didn't react angrily or with embarrassment. To her surprise, he smiled graciously.

"I'm a werewolf, ya see," he explained. "Bin comin' to see Rowan fer twelve years, I have. Much more convenient now that she's set up shop here, though I woulda kep' going to London without complaint regardless. Completely changed my life, she has," he said. He beamed at Rowan, who blushed and grinned back. "Will ya be accep'in' me payment today?" he asked. Rowan shook her head and waved him away.

"You know your money is no good here," she said lightly. She then reached beneath the counter and pulled out a tall glass and a small vial of a dark green serum. Hermione frowned - she didn't recognize that one. "Drink this, too. It's something new - should give you an extra boost from the fatigue," she said. She pointed her wand into the glass and a shot of water sprayed into it, filling it quickly. She then unstopped the vial and squeezed a single drop into the water, which spread like emerald ink, slowly mixing into it until the entire glass of liquid was a pretty green. "I promise it tastes much better than the Wolfsbane."

"Whatever the Master orders," he said. He assessed the green mixture curiously before turning to Hermione with a green. He raised it. "To yer health, Miss Hermione, and a win at the Quidditch Cup!" He shot her a roguish grin before downing it as quickly as he had with the last.

"I'll be!" he gasped, setting the glass down loudly on the counter. "That's worlds better than the Wolfsbane!" he declared. He peered into the glass with some awe and smacked his lips. "I feel as if I could run a marathon now! What's that green stuff called?" he asked.

Rowan beamed. "I haven't come up with a name yet, actually. Just finished it last month," she said. Stewart grinned.

"Should call it 'Werewolf Power Juice!'" he declared. Hermione giggled a bit. Rowan laughed.

"I'll suggest it to Claire and Isaac and see what they think," she said happily. "Anything else I can get for you today?" she offered. "Stay for a slice of cake and some tea?"

Stewart shook his head. "Nah, I've put ya out enough for today as it is. Gotta get back to work anyhoo," he said, turning for the door. Rowan nodded.

"Same time tomorrow?" she asked. He grinned.

"I'll be here!" he said. He then turned to Hermione and offered a kind smile. "Good luck in classes, lassie. Maybe I'll see ya again soon." Hermione beamed and nodded eagerly. She certainly hoped so. He grinned again, and with another chime of the door, he was gone.

Rowan let out a great sigh.

"Quite a whirlwind, isn't he?" she said, smiling at Hermione. Hermione nodded.

"He's been coming to you for twelve years?" she marveled. She looked Rowan over. She knew the woman was in her mid-thirties, but it was hard to tell by her young face. Rowan smiled and nodded.

"One of my first patients," she said, cleaning up the glass Stewart left and the bit of potion she'd spilled why ladling it. "He's really an exceptional man. It's extremely hard for werewolves to get by or even find work in our society, so most try to hide it. Stewart's really an admirable individual in his openness and determination to educate people about the condition. He really saved me when I first started out on my own."

Hermione frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, my work isn't exactly easy, at least in regards to the politics of it all," she explained slowly. "There are many people who are very opposed to the idea of assisting lycanthropes in any way, and some of those are willing to go out of their way to obstruct people who do wish to help them." Her expression darkened slightly, and Hermione was struck by how little she understood, despite knowing much of Rowan's work and her recent essay. "At first, I tried to ignore it. I didn't want to step on people's toes or push any rhetoric down their throats, so I just kept quiet and continued my work. I avoided fights and accepted the criticisms, but it just got worse."

"Have people threatened you?" Hermione asked quietly. She was horrified at even the thought. Who in their right minds would threaten this kind woman? Rowan gave her a tight smile.

"Let's just say that after a couple of years - when I was about twenty-five or so - I was close to quitting, but Stewart and a few others were here to keep cheering me on, and I realized that if I were to stop, then the patients who needed me would lose much more than I would," she said, eyes crinkling sadly. "And wouldn't you have it - as soon as I started speaking out against those who were persecuting me and my patients, the more people started coming to me for help." She then smiled warmly. "I learned that most people are just scared, and as soon as one person shows just the slightest bit of bravery, people will follow. Funny how the world works, isn't it?" She then turned back to the cupboard and started pushing the now-clean glass back into place.

Hermione stopped to think for a moment. She thought of Professor Lupin's scarred face, of his tired eyes. If it were as hard for werewolves to find steady jobs as Rowan said, then his appointment as a professor at Hogwarts was truly a groundbreaking achievement. If she were to say something - if word were to get out - then he would surely lose his job, wouldn't he? She thought of his obvious talent in contrast to his old, tattered robes with a trembling lip. How grateful he must be to be working there! How hard it must have been for him before Dumbledore had hired him!

"Rowan," she started slowly. How could she say this? "If I were to know someone with the condition..."

Rowan's back stiffened. Hermione watched her carefully, breath shallow. "I'd keep it to myself," she finally said quietly. She then turned with a sad smile. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it." Hermione's eyes widened - did she know? - before smiling back and nodding.

"I will," she promised. Rowan beamed at her. Hermione felt the understanding shared between them warmly. Her chest swelled with pride knowing that she shared a secret with this admirable woman.

"You truly are the sharpest witch of your age," Rowan said, placing a gentle hand on her head. Hermione blushed but smiled pleasurably. "And you have a good heart. I'm eager to see what great things you accomplish," she said. "Don't lose confidence. I'm sure those two will come around soon."

Hermione looked up at her heatedly. Her lips trembled slightly, and then she nodded and smiled brightly.

"I won't. Thank you, Rowan," said Hermione with heartfelt gratitude.

"Anytime," she said warmly. Her face then took on a faux-hardness. "And if you have any troubles with Ron, you send him to me. I'll sort him out," she said fiercely. Hermione let out a bright laugh. She hadn't felt so happy in weeks.

* * *

II.

When Remus arrived at the History of Magic classroom on Thursday at 8, Harry was already there waiting for him. He looked particularly eager, fidgeting nervously and unable to sit still. Remus smiled as he hauled a large trunk into the center of the room. Harry shot it a wary look.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Another Boggart," said Lupin, stripping off his cloak with a sigh. He'd worked up a bit of a sweat in dragging the heavy thing there. He was getting out of shape. "I've been combing the castle ever since Tuesday, and very luckily, I found this one lurking inside Mr. Filch's filing cabinet." He smirked a bit as he remembered Filch's scowling face when he'd requested access to his office. The man obviously still bore a grudge against him for his friends' insults in their schooldays. "It's the nearest we'll get to a real Dementor. The Boggart will turn into a Dementor when he sees you, so we'll be able to practice on him. I can store him in my office when we're not using him; there's a cupboard under my desk he'll like."

"Okay," said Harry. He looked as if he was trying to convince himself he wasn't nervous but failing miserably. Remus smiled encouragingly.

"So..." Remus said, taking out his wand. He nodded to Harry to do the same. He rolled up his sleeve. "The spell I am going to try and teach you is highly advanced magic, Harry - well beyond O.W.L. level. It is called the Patronus Charm."

"How does it work?" said Harry nervously.

"Well, when it works correctly, It conjures up a Patronus," said Remus "which is a kind of anti-Dementor - a guardian that acts as a shield between you and the Dementor." Harry grimaced slightly. "The Patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very things that the Dementor feeds upon - hope, happiness, the desire to survive - but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the Dementors can't hurt it," Remus continued. He paused and shot Harry a hard look. "But I must warn you, Harry, that the charm might be too advanced for you. Many qualified wizards have difficulty with it." Harry didn't seem to even hear him, however - his mind was obviously set on learning this spell, regardless of whatever obstructions lay in front of him.

"What does a Patronus look like?" said Harry curiously.

"Each one is unique to the wizard who conjures it."

"And how do you conjure it?"

"With an incantation, which will work only if you are concentrating, with all your might, on a single, very happy memory."

"Can I see you do it?" Harry asked.

Remus' chest tightened. He'd been dreading this - he would have to mask his Patronus again, which made performing the spell even more difficult.

"All right," he said, mustering up an extra bit of energy. He stood next to Harry and faced the center of the room.

Happy thoughts - he pushed through his memories rapidly for something worthy of a Patronus. They seemed to spin and whirl around him like a reel of film, and as always, the reel halted to a stop at the image of Rowan. Her face glowed up at him through the snowy night, fourteen years ago. Her smile was teary and bright. It was hopeful.

_I'd like twins_, she'd whispered. _I love you_.

He allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment, a small smile pulling at his lips as the memory of her warm breath on his face in the cold winter night grazed over him. The warmth seeped into his arms and down to his fingers. He gripped his wand and opened his eyes. He threw out his wand arm.

"_Expecto patronum!"_

A burst of silver shot from his wand blindingly. Harry recoiled with shock at the sudden light, but then his eyes widened wondrously as the light solidified into a sleek wolf. A wave of warmth filled the classroom. Remus felt a small sigh of relief escape him as he noted the Patronus' small size - no werewolf in sight. The wolf made a quick lap around the room, leaving a glowing trail behind him, before slowing down to a trot as he returned back to Remus. He stopped a few feet away and sat tall and quiet before throwing its head back and releasing a silent howl. It then dissolved into a whispering smoke. The room suddenly felt much darker.

"Wow," Harry whispered. His eyes still lingered on the glowing remnants that remained in the center of the room. Remus took a deep breath and also smiled. He then turned.

"So," he said, smiling amusedly at the dumbstruck expression still on Harry's face. The boy jumped slightly and spun to face Remus. "Your turn," Remus said. Harry nodded sternly.

"A happy memory?" Harry asked. Remus nodded. Harry's mind suddenly screwed up with effort. Remus smiled faintly as he watched the boy scour his mind for something happy. He was reminded of Rowan's comical, thoughtful expression. Perhaps Harry had absorbed more from his parents and their friends as an infant without realizing it.

"What kind of memories do you usually use?" Harry asked with some frustration.

Remus frowned. This was becoming more difficult to maneuver around than he'd anticipated. He thought carefully for a moment of how to answer.

"Memories from my Hogwarts years - post-Quidditch victory parties in Gryffindor Tower, afternoons in Hogsmeade - you know," he said. He smiled faintly. He supposed those were slightly believable. Harry smiled eagerly up at Remus.

"You were a Gryffindor?" he asked excitedly. Remus gave a sheepish grin.

"Was it not obvious?" he asked. He then put on a faux-stern look. "That doesn't mean I'll show favoritism, of course. I'm supposed to be neutral, as a professor." Harry smiled and nodded but then jumped, as if remembering something.

"I've got one," he said. His face screwed up again, as if the memory might slip through his fingers at any moment. Remus nodded.

"The incantation is this," Remus said carefully, "_Expecto patronum!_"

"_Expecto patronum_," Harry repeated under his breath, "_expecto patronum._"

"Concentrating hard on your happy memory?" Remus asked amusedly. Harry jumped slightly.

"Oh, yeah," he said quickly - he obviously had forgotten about the memory. "_Expecto patrono_ - no, _patronum. S_orry - e_xpecto patronum, expecto patronum"_

Something silvery slipped from the tip of his wand. Harry's face lit up and turned up towards Remus.

"Did you see that?" he said. "Something happened!" Remus couldn't help but grin at his boyish reaction.

"Very good," he said. He suddenly looked much more like a thirteen year-old and not a bitter old man. "Right, then - ready to try it?"

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wand very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He gripped his wand tightly. Remus took a breath and one last look at Harry before lifting up the lid of the trunk.

Remus felt his breath go cold, whispering out of his mouth. A Dementor rose slowly from the box, its hooded face turned toward Harry, one glistening, scabbed hand gripping its cloak. The lamps around the classroom flickered and went out. The Dementor glided out from the box and started to sweep silently toward Harry, drawing a deep, rattling breath. Remus pushed the sounds of Sirius' harsh laughter from his mind and focused on Harry.

"_Expecto patronum!_" Harry yelled. "_Expecto patronum! Expecto-_"

Remus' stomach lurched as he saw the boy's stabbing arm suddenly go weak, falling to his side. His eyes then rolled into the back of his head. Remus rushed forward from the trunk and lunged to catch him just in time as his legs gave out. The Boggart snapped back into a glowing moon. Remus ignored it for a brief moment as he laid Harry down on the floor and then turned back to the Boggart.

"_Riddikulus!" _he shouted. The moon cracked in half and released confetti. Remus then repelled it back into the trunk. It snapped shut loudly, leaving the room to silence. He let out a deep sigh and turned back to Harry.

His face was pale with a cold sweat, still trembling slightly. Remus hurried to his side and grabbed his shoulders.

"Harry," he urged. "Harry!"

Harry's eyes suddenly snapped open again, and Remus' hands recoiled, suddenly aware of his hold on him. He leaned back to allow the boy some space. He blinked rapidly, pupils focusing back on Remus' face.

"Sorry," he muttered weakly. He sat up slowly, reaching up to feel the sweat on his forehead. He wiped some away from his upper lip.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked carefully. His stomach twisted. He shouldn't have agreed to this. He couldn't let Harry keep going. This was wrong.

But Harry pulled himself up with the desk that stood beside them, ignoring Remus' offered hand. His face took on a hard look. Remus stared with mild horror - this boy had obviously been conditioned to never look to others for assistance. It was deeply troubling on many levels. He sighed and reached into his robes as he also stood and pulled out a Chocolate Frog.

"Here," he said, offering the candy to Harry. "Eat this." Harry's brow furrowed with frustration. "It's all right. I didn't expect you to do it your first time; in fact, I would have been astounded if you had."

"It's getting worse," Harry muttered. He bit off the Frog's head angrily. "I could hear her louder that time. And him - Voldemort."

Remus' chest ached. He had to stop this.

"Harry, if you don't want to continue, I will more than understand-"

"I do!" growled Harry fiercely, stuffing the rest of the Chocolate Frog into his mouth. He turned back on Remus with a burning look. "I've got to! What if the Dementors turn up at our match against Ravenclaw? I can't afford to fall off again. If we lose this game we've lost the Quidditch Cup!"

Remus took in his ferocious expression, the hardness in his eyes. He shouldn't have to go through this. He shouldn't have to hear his parents. Why had he agreed to let Harry do this?

"Alright then," Remus said quietly. There was no way he was going to convince Harry out of this. "You might want to select another memory - a happy memory, I mean - to concentrate on. That one doesn't seem to have been strong enough."

Harry's face twisted again with effort. Remus watched him carefully. The muscle in his jaw twitched as he tore through his memories. He could see Harry's decision. He gripped his wand tightly again and took up his position in the middle of the classroom, taking on a determined stance. Remus' mouth twisted sadly, but he moved back to the trunk.

"Ready?" he asked, taking hold of the lid handle.

"Ready," Harry said loudly. He gripped his wand. Remus held his breath.

"Go!" He pulled off the lid, and the room went icily cold and dark once more. The Dementor glided forward, drawing its breath. Remus' lungs trembled with the cold. The Dementor raised a scaly hand.

"_Expecto patronum!_" Harry yelled. "_Expecto patronum! Expecto Pat-_"

Bits of silvery wisps smoked from the end of Harry's wand, but nothing more. Remus watched again as Harry's eyes rolled into the back of his head. But he didn't wait this time. He rushed forward and repelled the Boggart back into the trunk before Harry's legs even went limp. He caught him just as his head was about to hit the ground.

"Harry! Harry!" he shouted. He reached a hand up and tapped him on the face. "Harry, wake up!"

Harry's eyes opened slowly this time, eyes unfocused and rolling. Remus' chest ached as he saw a few tears roll down his face unknowingly. Finally after nearly a full minute, they focused on Remus. He blinked and another couple of tears escaped, but Harry still didn't move. He didn't even seem to realize he was still in Remus' arms. His face was directed up at the ceiling, pained.

"I heard my dad," Harry whispered. Remus' stomach lurched. "That's the first time I've ever heard him." His lips trembled and another tear fell. "He tried to take on Voldemort himself, to give my mum time to run for it."

Remus suddenly understood that longing expression with a sharp pang in his chest - he was fighting desperately to hold onto his father's voice. He sat up slowly and struggled to his feet, crouching down to hide his face. Remus looked away, his own eyes burning slightly.

"You heard James?" Remus croaked.

"Yeah," Harry said quietly. Remus saw him wipe his face one more time before standing up. Remus was relieved to see that his eyes were now dry. "Why - you didn't know my dad, did you?" he asked, a strange look of hope in his eyes. Remus' mind battled.

"I did," Remus admitted quietly. A weight suddenly lifted off his chest at even this tiny confession - had it really been so heavy keeping it from Harry? "We were friends at Hogwarts," he explained vaguely. He took a breath and straightened himself up. "Listen, Harry, perhaps we should leave it here for tonight. This charm is too advanced. I shouldn't have suggested putting you through this."

"No!" said Harry firmly. Remus frowned deeply as he watched the boy get up again. His face pulled into a hard, manic look. "I'll have one more go! I'm not thinking of happy enough things, that's what it is... Hang on..."

Remus couldn't believe he still had anything left in him. His hands were still trembling, face glistening with cold sweat, but his gaze was hotter than ever. How could he still keep going when even Remus was prepared to give up? He was suddenly ashamed at how much stronger this boy was than he. He swallowed down his fear and walked back to the trunk, gripping it with his left hand and holding his wand in his right, prepared to step in once more.

"Ready?" he asked softly. Harry nodded steadily, eyes trained on the trunk. Remus grimaced and, with a hard pull, released the Boggart.

As soon as the chill hit the room, Harry's eyes flared.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry bellowed. "EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM!" His voice filled the room like a roar. His teeth were bared, arm waving like a sword. But the Dementor continued to move forward. Remus dropped the lid and moved to intercept it, but just as he raised his wand, a flash of silver erupted from Harry's wand. Remus stopped in his tracks.

A glowing barrier formed between the small boy and the hooded creature. Remus heard it screaming distantly, but although it was halted, it didn't retreat. He stared dumbstruck - he'd really done it!

But then his knees began to wobble. Remus knew it was time to finally intervene. He sprang forward.

"_Riddikulus!"_ he roared.

There was a loud crack, and Harry's cloudy Patronus vanished along with the Dementor, as it shrieked and fell backwards into the trunk. Remus snapped the lid back on, and Harry's legs finally gave out. He sank into the chair next to him with a rattling shriek of wood, mouth agape and forehead damp with sweat. His chest heaved with effort, eyes somewhat unfocused.

"Excellent!" Remus exclaimed. He couldn't believe he'd produced a Patronus so quickly! He rushed forward to Harry. "Harry, that was truly excellent!" Harry nodded dumbly, eyes wide with shock.

"Can we have another go? Just one more go?" he asked weakly. His head hadn't moved. He didn't even seem to realize what he was asking. Remus looked at him disbelievingly.

"Certainly not," he said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a large bar of Honeydukes' best chocolate and handed it to Harry, who accepted it weakly with another dumb nod. "Eat the lot, or Madam Pomfrey will be after my blood," he ordered.

"Okay," said Harry vaguely. He took a bite of the chocolate quietly, and Remus nodded with approval before turning to clean up the room. He heard the quiet snaps of chocolate as he extinguished the various lamps before the chewing stopped.

"Professor Lupin?" he called. "If you knew my dad, you must've known Sirius Black as well."

Remus jerked and spun around.

"What gives you that idea?" he asked quickly. His mind suddenly screamed - _You idiot!_ _  
_

"Nothing - I mean, I just knew they were friends at Hogwarts too," Harry rambled quickly.

Remus took a deep breath and willed the knots to unravel from his stomach.

"Yes, I knew him," he said quietly, turning to extinguish the last lamp. "Or I thought I did," he muttered, mostly to himself. Images of Sirius' manic eyes, bodies strewn around his feet came to mind. He took another deep breath and turned to Harry, who was still working on his chocolate. He still looked very pale but thoughtful. He needed to end this conversation now.

"You'd better be off, Harry, it's getting late," he said. "You should go to bed as soon as you get back to the dorms, but not until you finish that chocolate. We'll try again next week." Harry looked hard at the chocolate for a moment before nodding. He stood slowly.

"Okay," he said, turning for the door. He then stopped and turned back briefly and smiled faintly. "Thanks, Professor Lupin - for doing this, I mean. I really appreciate it."

Remus stared dumbly for a moment before smiling back warmly. He was such a good kid, a strong kid. "Of course, Harry. You're very welcome."


	11. Red Ribbons

**A/N:** There's a little bit of **mature **content here, but it's nothing explicit.

I'm finally taking it upon myself to show some depth to Sirius and Mina's relationship. I felt like they deserve a chapter, right? I know some of you have mixed feelings about her, but I really like her and think she actually complements Sirius well. Rowan can be a bit of a sentimental pushover sometimes, but Mina's always on top of her shit.

I took the title of the chapter from an old eastern Asian superstition that around everyone's pinky is tied an invisible red string, which is connected to your soul mate's pinky. It's pretty saccharine, but it seemed appropriate.

**SexyLupin101: **I'm sorry - I completely missed your review last time! Thank you so much for reading! And yes, Rowan definitely still loves Remus - I think you're spot on. And no, no killing off of our protagonists haha. I guess that's a spoiler, but I think Remus deserves a happily ever after, right? I'm so glad you like Mina too! Thanks again for the review! Please let me know what you think in the future!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Thank you! As for my story, I don't remember how it started in my head - it's been brewing there for a while. I guess I started with Remus, who's always been a favorite character of mine. He's just so tragically fascinating. I guess I wanted Remus to be happy, which is weird b/c he's not real, but that's what eventually led to Rowan. I wanted her to be someone who was clearly meant to be with Remus but was her own person with flaws and goals independent of him. So then I started thinking of how this girl would have developed into the person Remus falls in love with and in what ways they would challenge each other in the context of the original plot line in a believable manner. The story kind of developed from there. I don't know if any of that helped. I think I rambled a lot -_- I hope it helped at least a little.

**SMGF1: **Thank you, as always! And soonish? In the next few chapters, though in an unexpected way heh. I'm actually pretty pleased with it.

**MaeveDevine:** Thank you so much! My only wish is to do her work the slightest bit of justice ^^ Another double post for you!

**missalex3030:** Thank you! I have a lot of fun writing the scenes about Rowan's creativity b/c I can basically do whatever I want with them haha. And I'm so glad you like the letters! They're getting harder to write, but I think they add another layer. Thanks so much for your awesome reviews!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

* * *

**Chapter 10: ****Red Ribbons**

I.

There was something so infuriating about him, that Sirius Black.

Sure, he was handsome, devastatingly so, even at eleven. She'd been just as in awe of his face as all the other girls in their year the first time she'd seen him, but as soon as she'd heard him utter a word on the train to Hogwarts on the first day, she knew she hated him. He was so pompous, so arrogant, so crass, like he'd never known a single hardship in his life. Was it possible for someone to be so privileged that he was incapable of empathizing with those even slightly less fortunate? They hadn't even arrived to the school yet, and he was already bullying anyone who wasn't bigger. She couldn't believe that they would allow someone so terrible into the school.

She'd been reading tirelessly for months about Hogwarts and about this world she was about to be plunged into. For the first time in her life, her parents had been even more lost than she, and she was terrified. How could she possibly navigate this new world alone, when all of her peers were bound to be leaps ahead of her? She'd read and read ravenously, taking in every detail about this world she could find. She memorized the faculty members' names and specialities and then researched each of those subjects as well. She knew the history of each of the school's founding members by heart, and she decided that she wanted more than anything to be in Gryffindor. She'd even stolen scarlet and gold ribbons from her mother's sewing kit secretly, determined to be a part of that glamorous house, the one of heroes and the great Headmaster himself. She'd stayed up late into the night on August 31st, modeling the ribbons in her hair and fantasizing about how wonderful it would be once she was finally able to wear them with her new school robes.

But then that horrible boy was called up to the front of the Great Hall by the witch from her research, whom she recognized as Minerva McGonagall, and that hat cried out the one word she'd been dying to hear all that time for herself.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

How? How could this have happened? She watched with horror as he smugly took his spot at the table of cheering students she so desperately wanted to join. The older students all congratulated him with warm handshakes and claps on the back. _Stop!_ she thought. _You don't know what he's like!_

But the names continued to be called and more and more seats at that table were filled. There was the pretty black-haired girl she'd seen with that wretched boy, and then the fiery redhead whom she'd heard was also a Muggle born. Then there was that small frail boy with the sad expressions, and then that girl's loud friend with the messy black hair and smug grin. Even the cowardly looking round boy with watery eyes - how could he possibly belong there?

Fear struck her hard - what if he'd taken her place? Surely they wouldn't allow _everyone_ into this house! Surely a house as great as Gryffindor would be selective, right?

Despair washed over her. She clutched the glossy red ribbon in her pocket. How could she have been so stupid as to think she'd fit in here?

But then the hat was also on her head, slipping over her eyes, and she heard that quiet voice whispering at the back of her mind.

_Gryffindor. Gryffindor. Gryffindor. You're so intent on joining that table, aren't you? Where the brave of heart dwell - do you think that's where you belong as well? But what's this? So disappointed for someone who hasn't even been sorted yet. Wouldn't you like to know where you will go before you decide that your heart is broken?_

She'd sniffled softly, eyes burning with shame. She bowed her head and hoped that no one could see.

_Well now, cheer up, girl. I promise you won't be disappointed._

Her heart stopped. Could it really mean...?

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Applause erupted. She walked to the table in a daze. Those cheering faces all turned to _her_, all greeting _her. _Was it really happening?

That spritely dark-haired girl pulled the seat next to her out with a broad grin and waved her over eagerly. She sat down dumbly, barely registering the girl's name as she babbled to her with excitement. She wouldn't remember it the next day and would have to be reminded another two times before it stuck.

But she did remember her taking the ribbon from her hand, which Mina had somehow taken out of her robes pockets in her delirium. Her face burned with embarrassment as she realized her silent hopes had been caught, but as she looked up to deny the accusations, she saw that girl beaming brightly at her, eyes positively glowing. She leaned forward closely - Mina's cheeks blushed at the proximity - and tied the ribbon around her high ponytail with a flourish and an approving nod.

"You're really a Gryffindor now!" she'd said proudly, puffing out her chest. Mina stared at her glowing face, at her impish grin and reached up to her hair. Her fingers traced over the shining bow that was now tied proudly for all to see. The other girl's grin broadened, and she felt one growing on her own lips. She beamed.

"I am!"

* * *

II.

Mina couldn't think of a single conversation she'd had with Sirius Black that ended well.

The first time he spoke to her in their First Year was during their second class - Charms. She couldn't levitate her feather in the right way, and he called her out in front of the entire class.

"Must be because you're Muggle-born. It's okay - you were bound to be behind the rest of us," he'd said snidely. She'd felt tears well up in her eyes hotly before turning back to her feather with her cheeks burning furiously.

_"Wingardium leviosa!" _she'd shouted, stabbing her wand at the feather. It levitated, certainly, but then it shot straight at Sirius' chest. He shrieked girlishly and flailed to protect himself, instead catching the sharp end of the quill with his forearm. Professor Flitwick deducted points but had been so impressed that he gave them right back. Mina smugly turned to look at Sirius, basking in the teacher's praise. He looked so angry that he could've stabbed himself again with the quill and not even noticed it.

* * *

III.

She didn't know when his feelings towards her changed. She was sure they'd be enemies for life - everyone knew it, even the professors - but then one day at the beginning of their Fourth Year, he was suddenly sitting next to her beneath her favorite cedar tree on the grounds. His handsome face held a bright smile. She felt herself automatically recoil.

"Mina Surrey, will you go out with me?"

The horror must have been evident on her face - it _must_ have been, right? - but he'd remained grinning at her. She was dumbstruck for many moments. How was this happening? What sort of cruel dream was this?

But then she took in the smugness of his features, the confidence smeared all over him. Was he really so sure she'd say yes? He was toying with her, convinced that he was God's gift to women - that even _she_ would be thrilled about a chance to be with the great Sirius Black. That special fury - the one saved only for him - erupted from the pit of her stomach. Her wand was suddenly in her hands, and the tip was then at his chest. His eyes widened.

"Surrey, wai-"

"_Depulso!"_

With a shriek, he was sent flying backward into the lake, and then there was a giant splash. A large bark of laughter was heard from behind her as she fumbled for her books angrily.

"I told him she'd say no! What an idiot!" James Potter had cried hysterically.

"His face! Did you see his face?" Remus had gasped breathlessly over his laughter. They howled at their friend's misfortune, and Mina couldn't help but grin as well. At least she wasn't the only one who thought Sirius' approach was utterly ludicrous.

Finally, that handsome face broke through the surface of the lake as she stood to leave. He sputtered and coughed, pawing at his face, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He stared dumbstruck out of the water at Mina, eyes wide with disbelief and something else. Was it awe?

"Don't ever speak to me again, Black, or I'll make sure you have rocks tied to your feet next time!" she shouted over the Marauders' laughter. His blinked dumbly as she turned and stalked back to the castle. But then she heard him shout back:

"You'll say yes one day, Surrey! Just wait!"

* * *

IV.

There was a bruise on his cheek. It glowed strangely against his pale skin in the firelight of the Gryffindor Common Room. Her mind was a foggy haze of firewhiskey and the new year. There was a rhythm of heavy snoring from the floor where James and Peter had already fallen asleep. Rowan had disappeared with Remus, and she was sure it would be best to leave the couple alone.

Her chest was still light with the evening's festivities, stomach aflutter with the thrill of it all. The Seventh Year boys had taken notice of her that night, and her cheeks were still warm from the smiles and flirtatious words they'd shot her way. They were so much more mature than the boys of her year, so much more appealing. The particularly handsome boy named Johnson had been especially attentive with his forward touches and bright grin. He'd hinted at a date to Hogsmeade next month. Her stomach fluttered again.

"You're wearing that ribbon again."

Mina looked up to see Sirius smiling faintly at her. She felt her face warm slightly under his gaze, though she wasn't sure why. He hadn't paid much attention to her all night, choosing instead to revel in the new year with his mates loudly and drunkenly. She nearly reached up to feel the ribbon instinctively that was now tied around her head. She felt her guard come back up again as she realized to whom she was speaking.

"Yes," she replied warily. His smile deepened genuinely. She nearly frowned.

"It suits you," he said quietly. She stared hard at him for a moment, waiting for the next insult to come. But he simply remained smiling.

"Thank you," she responded cautiously. He nodded and looked down at his snoring friends and sighed with some exasperation.

"Amateurs. Honestly, they still can't hold their liquor," he said with a crooked grin. Mina smiled and also looked down at the sleeping pair. James' form had instinctively curled up next to Peter's. They made quite a comical image.

She then looked back at Sirius. He was still watching his friends amusedly with a small smile and eyes glowing in the dim light of the Common Room. The angles of his sharp cheekbones and strong jaw glinted masculinely. Mina frowned.

"You really are handsome," she said bluntly.

To her surprise, his eyes widened. His head jerked to face her. He stared blankly at her for a moment before a red blush spread across his cheeks.

"Are you blushing?" she asked slowly, face stretching into a steady grin. He glared at her.

"Of course not! Everyone knows that I know that I'm the best-looking bloke in our year! In all of Hogwarts!" he declared, though the red tinge still remained. Her grin broadened.

"What's this?" she continued. She inched towards him teasingly, still riding high on the new confidence the night's attentions and firewhiskey had bestowed upon her. Sirius' eyes widened as she moved closer. "Sirius Black, are you embarrassed?"

Sirius couldn't seem to move. He continued to stare dumbstruck at her, shoulders stiff. She chewed her lip amusedly and inched a bit closer again until her legs were almost touching his on the couch. She leaned forward, bringing her face close to his.

"Breathe," she whispered. Sirius glared hard at her and took in a slow breath, an attempt at discretion, but failed. She leaned back and laughed a bit. His glare deepened into a scowl, and he reached behind him and grabbed one of the cushions. He threw it hard at her, hitting in her in the face. She laughed even harder.

"So uptight!" she giggled. "Who would've thought!" She held onto the cushion as he grabbed for it, trying to pull it from her hands to hit her with it again. She laughed and laughed as he wrestled over the cushion with her, but her grip was strong. He finally gave up with a huff, and her laughter settled as she leaned back into the couch. Chest light, she looked back up at him.

"How'd you get that bruise?" she asked again bluntly.

To her surprise, his mouth twitched into a frown and then a cautious smile. She frowned. It wasn't the expression she'd expected. It was guarded, sad. He seemed to be rolling over an answer in his own head.

"Got into a bit of a row with my mother," he finally said quietly with an almost contrite smile. Mina frowned deeply.

"Did she hit you?" she asked in a hushed tone. He shrugged.

"It's certainly not the worst that's happened. It's not a big deal," he said casually. He turned back to face the fire.

Mina's frown deepened. Something in her chest clenched painfully. Rowan's words about Sirius' parents came echoing back from earlier that year. _How much worse?_ she wondered achingly. She took in the angles of his profile and the hard line of his mouth - how much had he endured secretly? Before she could stop herself, she had reached forward to touch the shining purple bruise.

His shoulders stiffened again momentarily as her fingers grazed the sensitive skin on his face. She felt her face burn as she realized how forward she was being, but the uninhibited heat fueled by the alcohol pushed her onward. She watched him turn his face toward her hesitantly.

She didn't remember how they ended up pressed together or when they fell asleep. She remembered quiet words shared between them about his family and her ambitions to go on to the Auror Academy. His head had eventually laid against her stomach, and he'd laughed at the quiet gurgling sounds it made. She'd tangled her fingers in his soft hair and teased him that he spent more time on it than a man really should. They'd fallen asleep with their limbs tangled together. She couldn't remember ever feeling so warm.

But when they woke the next morning, he'd fallen away from her with a shout at their friends' yelps, and as their laughter settled, her body missed the pressure of his strangely. She'd clenched her fingers, remembering the feeling of his dark hair between them. She'd looked up shyly to see if perhaps he was feeling the same sudden loss, but he avoided her eye like a plague. Something in her stomach clenched painfully, and she knew that whatever had been shared between them was now lost to the passing year.

* * *

V.

He didn't speak to her in the way he used to. He didn't even _look_ at her in the way he used to. Lily said she was imagining it, but she was certain that there was something in the way he spoke now that said he'd moved on.

She wasn't sure what it was, but there was a terrible gnawing at her stomach, in her chest. Each time she saw him, he'd smile, but not in the way he had before. His gaze didn't linger on her. He didn't lean his head down to look directly into her face. He spoke as if they were casual friends - she supposed maybe they were at this point - and then he'd smile and turn away.

It hurt. Something deep within her ached profoundly. He didn't look at any other girls the way he had once looked at her, but still, that gaze was gone. That grin, reserved only for her, was gone. She didn't know how to bring it back. But why should she want to? She hated him after all - she always had.

"Surrey."

Mina looked up to see a strip of scarlet in front of her. She frowned and looked up to see that the hand that held it belonged to _him._ He smiled.

"I think it fell off your bag," he said, nodding to her shoulder. She automatically reached for her bag and felt the strap - this was indeed her ribbon. She nodded and took the ribbon from his hand. Her chest clenched as she felt her fingers graze over his. His smile melted into something else, but she couldn't place it.

"Make sure you don't lose it. I know how much it means to you," he said warmly. She nodded again dumbly, silently. He smiled once more and then turned away, just like he always did these days.

* * *

VI.

She knew he was using her. They didn't speak beyond their secret rendezvous. He barely even looked at her when they were around their friends or in class and certainly not in the way that she wanted him to. Every time she came down from his high, she told herself, _This is the last time_, knowing that it wasn't true. In her quiet moments alone, she berated herself for being so weak, for being exactly like those girls that she'd always sworn she would never be - one of Sirius Black's playthings.

But in those moments when he'd secretly pull her into an abandoned closet or up into the Owlery, the words of derision she'd practiced countless times fizzled away. His lips and teeth would score hers desperately, hands gripping her hips, her breasts, her thighs. His fingers would pull sounds that she could hardly believe came from her own mouth. His lips would swallow her cries as she clenched around his fingers, and she'd grip his shoulders hard, fingernails digging into disheveled robes, in the soft hair she couldn't seem to forget.

She'd pant and cling to him desperately, face buried in his neck. She cherished the feeling, his scent, burned it into her mind, but she was always sure to never say his name. It would become too real, a permanent fixture in time instead of the momentary reprieve from their real lives. Sometimes he'd let her reciprocate, but often he'd simply straighten out his robes with a grimace and a soft smile. She noted he never said her name either.

"It's okay. I'm fine," he'd say simply with a tight smile. Then he'd kiss her until she was breathless again and then leave her dazed and aching with barely another word.

She admitted to herself and finally Rowan that her feelings had changed dramatically over the past year, but she knew it was just a matter of time before she began to hate him again. Sirius Black wasn't the type of boy whom she could love fully. She might allow herself some weakness, but she surely respected herself enough to never allow that.

* * *

VII.

She'd spent the past three months hating him, just as she'd thought she would.

When she'd told him that day in Hogmeade about Cillian Brown's advances, his entire body had seemed to seize. She watched him hesitantly as his face had twisted this way and that until settling into an expression of fury that had momentarily made her almost afraid.

"_Brown?_ Are you kidding?" he'd spat. "He's the most two-faced bastard in all of Hogwarts! He just wants in your knickers!"

Her face had tightened with anger, face turning up to his defiantly. "He wouldn't be the only two-faced bastard who'd have gotten into them then! At least he actually wants to date me!" she'd accused.

His expression had faltered for a moment. "You never said you wanted to date," he'd snarled.

She'd nearly snorted. "Because you've made it clear that you never wanted anything to do with me beyond an easy fuck!"

His anger had flared again. "You're joking, right? You must be fucking joking!" he'd shouted. There were people staring. "I asked you out _every week_ for like a year, and you always said no!"

Her fury came in crashing waves. "Like you ever fucking meant it!" she'd barked back. "All you ever wanted was to fuck me and show your mates that you could get whatever stupid girl you wanted. Well? You've basically done it! Now you can't let another guy have a go?"

They didn't say another word to each other all afternoon. For the next month, he avoided her eye bitterly at every turn, and she'd spitefully gone out of her way to ensure that Sirius saw her and Cillian together. She knew it was vengeful and low, but she wanted him to hurt. She wanted him to regret ever thinking he could use her and come out of it on top.

But Cillian wasn't better than Sirius, no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise. She knew objectively that he was interesting and funny and handsome, but she found herself more and more bored in his presence, more restless at the thought of being around him. Her body ached with the need to be touched, even though he was more than happy to be physical with her. After just a month, she regretted agreeing to being with him, and after two, she could hardly even talk to him without starting feel bitter. As graduation loomed on the horizon, she felt the lightness of relief in her chest. She'd barely had the decency to look contrite as she broke up with him. She was sharply determined to move past him and Sirius and all the boys of Hogwarts. After all, she was graduating first in their year - she had an enormous journey to conquer.

But now, he was so close, his voice low so that only she could hear. He was smiling at her in his secret way - the way he had that night in the Common Room a year and a half before - and she knew it was just for her. The grand scope of her worldview suddenly seemed so small in scale, while he was so overwhelming.

She could barely register the words that came from his mouth and could hardly remember what she'd said back. Was it a dream? But it was so warm out there in the evening light of June with the distant sounds of their friends' laughter fluttering around them. It wasn't until much later in the night - when she found herself pressed against him once again with his hands and hips pushing and prying in a way that she'd waited to feel for so long - that he so explicitly said that he loved her, that he'd _always_ loved her. But even so, she knew. They both knew. In that quiet moment, his fingers had hesitantly laced with hers, and she'd squeezed back, and they both simply understood.

In the soft light of the early morning, they'd crept back up to Gryffindor Tower, where he'd held her tightly and whispered soft promises against her cheek, promises of life beyond Hogwarts, of his devotion to her. She'd trembled in his arms and nodded shakily, smiling up at him brightly with her face in his hands. The looming world outside of the castle suddenly seemed to fit perfectly in her hands, with his beneath hers to help catch anything that slipped between her fingers.

* * *

VIII.

She looked at the sturdy form in her sheets, where he lay sleeping deeply. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, the way his lips parted and the glow of his sharp cheek in the dim light that spilled in from the windows. His skin contrasted sharply against the red walls of their shared room. He was always there now, wasn't he? She reached a hand forward hesitantly and grasped his forearm. The weight of his flesh felt significant beneath her palm. Her lips trembled slightly, grip tightening.

His brows furrowed, and then his eyes opened slowly. Blinking away the sleep, he turned to see her looking at him. He frowned.

"What're you doing awake?" he asked. His voice was rough and hoarse from sleep. She cherished the sound. "Did you have another bad dream?"

Her grip on his arm tightened. Had it been bad? She couldn't remember anymore, but there was a sharp ache in her stomach, a distant loneliness in her heart. He'd felt so far away from her for a moment. But he was here, just as he always was.

"I don't know," she whispered. She leaned in so that she was pressed against his arm. His other reached over to hold her to him tightly. She felt a wave roll through her with a shudder. He pressed his lips to her hair, fingers gripping her hip comfortingly.

"Will you always be here?" she breathed. Her cheek was pressed to his shoulder, arm curling around his middle tightly. His arm squeezed her, his warmth soaking into her bones.

"Always," he whispered. "I will always be here to chase the bad dreams away. I promise."

She nodded and leaned into him, inhaling deeply. He smelled like earth and sleep. She released the breath and tried to match her own heartbeat to his.

"I love you, Sirius."

"I love you too, Minnie."

* * *

IV.

Mina opened her eyes. The light of morning spilled into her flat, shining off the walls, which were now a pale blue. Images of the flat she'd once shared with him drifted slowly away from her. The walls had been red back then. The bed had always been warm with his presence. She felt a cold line run down the side of her cheek from the corner of her eye. Her flexed her hand and reached over, knowing that she would only feel the cool sheets. She turned her head to face the space beside her.

It was empty.


	12. The Intruder

**A/N:** ANOTHER DOUBLE. Make sure you read the last chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**October 1, 1983**

_Dear Remus,_

_Autumn is in full effect now. The flowers have stopped blooming once more, but the forests are an incredible spectrum of reds and oranges. It's really beautiful. It reminds me of the Forbidden Forest, though I can venture into the woods here without fear of being attacked by Acromantulas. I don't care what James says - I'm still convinced that the rumors of a colony of them living there are true. _

_The Autumn Solstice Festival was a couple of weeks ago. It was an amazing night of fireworks and street food and music and dancing. Lescos got food poisoning from eating a bunch of frightening skewers that looked a little too gnarly for my tastes, and I'm very glad now that I held back for once from trying to be adventurous, otherwise he and I would be fighting over the toilet at this very moment. It's been quite entertaining watching Amrit try to care for him. He's a huge baby._

_While Lescos has been slowly withering away from his constant vomiting, Amrit and I have been discussing dates to return home finally. We've been here for nearly two years now, and though I certainly feel comfortable enough here, I think it's finally time to come home. I'm familiar enough with the flowers that I feel confident about cultivating them successfully independently, and though the climate in England isn't ideal for their growth, my colleagues here have trained me enough in climate-control charms I think. We'll probably be home by Christmas. I really can't wait._

_The more and more I write home, the more I realize how much I've missed and how much I'm needed there. Mum's back is finally beginning to give out - Alfred says she's resorted to using the wheelchair nearly everyday now, which has really been taking a toll on her spirit. Isaac intimidates a lot of the patients, who are most likely already on edge, and though Claire is doing her best, she's still too afraid to do much of anything on her own. I feel bad for making her begin her apprenticeship without an actual mentor, but I just felt like I needed another summer here to study as thoroughly as I'd needed. _

_Though she seemed so determine to see herself through this, I think Claire's really beginning to see what she's brought upon herself. She won't say so much herself, but Isaac tells me she's still too afraid to interact with our patients on her own. I suppose there's something to be said about the strength of societal prejudices, even when one knows that they're unjust and/or misplaced. She probably feels worse about it than anyone else, but I imagine it'll take her some time to really adjust to being in such close contact with our patients. I think that she'll relax more once I am there to guide her - Isaac isn't exactly the warmest man - but I'm still concerned that maybe she's just not cut out for this. I have to remind myself that I can't get too attached to her yet in case she doesn't have what it takes to continue. _

_I'll admit that I feel rather bitter about how cold I've become. I'm trying to be more empathetic, but with Claire and Heinrich, I seem to be deeply unmoved. Perhaps it's because I've gone through the worst in regards to both loss of mentor and love that I can find little sympathy for either. After all, I've been much more lenient with Claire than I'd originally told her I'd be, whereas I was immediately thrown into the throes of research with Master Belby with no allowance for error. And Heinrich has really brought heartbreak upon himself, hasn't he? I mean, I've done nothing to encourage him - in fact, I've actively _discouraged_ him - but he continues to pursue me anyway. It's his own fault for not doing what's in his best interest, isn't it? _

_When I first took on Claire as an apprentice, I told her I didn't want her to end up like me and that I was going to be hard on her for her own good, but now, I'm not so sure if that is what I want. It's not out of anything so benevolent as that. I genuinely don't know if I care at all anymore or if perhaps my harshness is out of some sick, spiteful need to make sure that I alone suffer in my field of solitude. It's arrogant, isn't it? The more I think about it, the more I realize how hypocritical I'm being - I'm being exactly like you. And yet, I can find little remorse. Perhaps when I'm back and working with her side-by-side, I'll feel more of a connection with her, but for now, I have little concern for how she's faring emotionally. I told Mina this, and she seems very concerned. She says it's a good thing I'm coming home soon. She thinks the time abroad in isolation is taking its toll on me. Perhaps she's right._

_Well, another young one is doing well at least - it seems that Mina's brother Will has excelled just as well as she did. She tells me he's already reached out to Moody about applying to the Auror Academy, though I can't imagine he'll like Will as much as he liked Mina - Will's much too similar to James and Sirius. It's amazing, isn't it? I can't believe how long it's been already. I remember yelling at him to sit still in tutoring sessions before he'd even begun puberty, and now, he's preparing for his N.E.W.T.s. She says he's vying for first in his year, but he doesn't seem to care whether he's first or second. One would think he'd be a little more concerned - it should also be more competitive to enter the Academy right now since there's little demand for Aurors these days with the war over. __It must be luxurious to be so brilliant that one has no need to worry about studying or rankings._

_Anyway, I hope you're doing well. Isaac says he didn't see you again this past full moon. I really hope you're going to see Master Hallmeister. There's going to be a heavy influence from Mars this cycle, so it will be a rather painful one. Please take care of yourself._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 11:**** The Intruder**

I.

Harry had snuck out of the castle again. It was February and still very gray with winter. The streets were brown and gray with the dirty slush of snow and soil. The sun hung high in the sky behind a veil of pale clouds.

Harry was in a slightly foul mood, but the anticipation of his afternoon was quickly building it back up again. Ron and Hermione still weren't speaking, and it was growing more and more difficult to handle the strain between them. He felt bad for Hermione, but he, too, was still slightly annoyed at her telling McGonagall about the Firebolt. And so after hearing Ron complain about Hermione for the fifth time that afternoon, he left the redhead behind at the first sight of the twins and made a path for the new apothecary in town, palms sweating nervously.

It was glossy and new with shining polished wood and scarlet paint. He stopped to admire it for a moment before going inside. He thought that it looked exactly as a Gryffindor's shop should look. With its glowing sign and clear bell, it exuded warmth. He wondered if everything about her was this warm, as he'd felt from the photo of her and his parents. To his great luck, a customer appeared at that moment and pushed in through the door. Harry timed himself perfectly and slipped past the door swiftly with a held breath.

And there she was.

She looked exactly like she had in his photo album. There were some extra lines beneath her eyes and a few discernible gray hairs, but otherwise, she looked exactly the same. The bright lights of the winter sun spilled in through the large windows of the apothecary, glinting over her dark hair, in her eyes. She smiled broadly at the customer he'd followed in. His stomach jumped. She had the kindest face he'd ever seen.

"Can I help you with anything?"

Her voice was clear and young. She spoke with a familiar tone that would sound assuming from anyone else, but from her, Harry couldn't help but feel as if she really, truly _did_ know him. He felt as if she knew _everyone._

She was attentive with the customer, who seemed to be just as taken with her as Harry was. She moved from around the counter to personally help find the potion he had requested, and as they moved back to the counter. She inquired into his name and profession, and Harry had a good feeling that she remembered all of her customer's names and faces. As he accepted the small brown bag she'd packed for him, the man turned for the door. Harry panicked for a moment as he realized that he needed to leave behind him. His throat caught as he ran for the door beneath his cloak.

But it was too late. The door shut with a click, and he was thoroughly stuck. Panic thrummed through him heavily.

"Is somebody there?"

Harry's stomach clenched. He didn't move. His ears strained for her accusations, but none came. Slowly, he allowed himself to turn. His stomach lurched again as he saw her staring straight at him. But it released as he noted the vague, searching look - she couldn't see him. Her eyes trailed down to the floor, where Harry was horrified to realize his feet had tracked in some of the slush from outside. He stood perfectly still as she scanned over the suspiciously small footprints around the door.

But he then released the breath as she let out a suspicious hum but then turned back towards the back room and disappeared. Harry gritted his teeth and stepped forward slowly, quietly, until he could see into the back, making sure to flick the muddy water from his shoes first.

She was peering over a long laboratory bench with a series of smoking cauldrons. He noted curiously that there was a a distinct line where the smoke stopped flowing, blocking it from seeping into the store space. He saw a pair of giant plastic goggle sitting askew on her head, her hair poking up in odd directions. Her brow was furrowed, lips pursed. For a moment, she simply stared at one of the cauldrons before turning down to a notebook on the table and scribbling something down.

Harry remembered Ron and Hermione saying something about her being a famous Potions Master. Potions was perhaps his least favorite subject, even after Divination. He couldn't imagine someone like her being so passionate about it, but the fiery look in her eyes crushed any doubts from him. She obviously loved her work.

So all this time, she'd been working. He noted the lack of ring on her finger and realized she wasn't married. Something about it comforted him for some reason. She'd been working diligently. He wondered what else she'd been doing all these years, if she hadn't been raising a family. Had she been thinking about him too? If what McGonagall had said was true, then she still cared about him. Wasn't it only right that she knew he wanted to meet her too?

But then there was a chime, and Rowan's head popped up again. His stomach clenched again as her eyes turned directly on him. His throat tightened at the brightness of her eyes, at the faint smile pulling at her lips. She moved towards him. He panicked and leapt to the side quickly as she made a path for the storefront.

"Hello!" she called brightly.

Despite wanting to stay, Harry made sure he made it out of the shop behind this customer. He would have time to meet her again - he was sure of it. He'd come back again and make sure she knew him. He'd make sure he knew everything about her.

* * *

II.

Sirius Black had been in the castle again. The children had all been walled off within their respective Common Rooms. The castle's entryway was quiet, though all of the school's professors and Aurors had gathered. Remus felt the energized tension in the room and another hole being burned into his skull by the scathing glare directed at him by Mina Surrey.

After hearing Dumbledore's orders, Remus was very relieved to be paired with Kingsley. Mina had volunteered to stay behind to speak with Dumbledore and McGonagall further. He released a great sigh of relief as he and Kingsley made their way for the stairs, heading up to the Astronomy Tower.

"Man, she's got it out for you," Kingsley quietly marveled. Remus grimaced.

"Well, I can't say that I don't deserve it," he said sullenly. Kingsley sighed.

"Can't argue there. You fucked up big time," he said. Remus's grimace deepened. "I have to say though - it's surprising she's even acknowledging to you at all. She must not be as angry at you as I thought," Kingsley commented. Remus frowned and looked up at him.

"Are you kidding? Did you not see the way she was glaring at me? She could burn up the Thames with that look," he said incredulously. Kingsley shot him a wry smile.

"Yeah, but angry interaction is better than none, at least in Surrey's case." Remus stared at him with confusion. "She's not exactly the type to discuss her feelings - the fact that she's even looking at you is probably a good sign, I think. You'll notice she doesn't even acknowledge Snape," expained the Auror.

Remus thought of her scalding anger and her biting words. Images of Halloween came rushing back. The yellow light that had burst from her wand with her fury flashed behind his eyes. Her roaring anger rumbled through him. He shuddered slightly.

"So Sirius..." he started. Kingsley sighed.

"I don't even know where to start with that. That's the one subject I refuse to touch with her," the Auror said darkly. Remus looked at him to continue.

"I thought she'd be all right with this - she hadn't mentioned Sirius in years. She'd been dating again. I'd thought she'd finally moved on, but as soon as Sirius escaped, it was like everything completely flipped. I can't even say she reverted back to how she was twelve years ago because she wasn't anything like this. She was angry back then, sure, but it was always an extra coat on top of her grief. But this - this is entirely new."

"Why don't you take her off the case? She doesn't seem emotionally capable of handling this." Kingsley sighed.

"I tried, but there was nothing to be had - she refuses to be reassigned, and can you blame her? Knowing her, she probably sees it as her responsibility to catch Sirius. I imagine she feels partially responsible for never catching his betrayal all those years ago. She probably sees this as a chance to make up for her past mistakes."

Remus nodded gravely. He could certainly understand that. He felt similarly. His frown deepened as he thought back to that early morning in Covent Garden, the rage that had overtaken him as he'd tracked Sirius down in his sleep-deprived mania. If given the chance, he might have killed him. After all, wasn't it just as much his fault that he'd been unable to protect James and Lily from this man?

He shook himself and continued up to the Astronomy Tower in silence. He both anticipated and feared what he would do if they were to find him.

* * *

III.

Rowan arrived at the castle late. She had been with her mother at the house when Dumbledore's Patronus had arrived. As she entered the castle, she caught sight of Mina and the Headmaster. Mina looked up at the sight of her best friend with a hard look that Rowan identified as her professional mask. Dumbledore looked pleased to see her.

"Rowan, perfect timing. Mina was about to survey the Third Floor. Perhaps you might accompany her," he said.

Rowan nodded and thought for a moment. "Where is Harry?" she asked quietly. Dumbledore smiled.

"He is safe in the Gryffindor Common Room. I am quite positive that Sirius will not attempt to reach him there right now," he said calmly. Rowan nodded with some relief and then turned to Mina. She nodded seriously.

"Let's go," she said. Rowan gestured for her to lead the way, and they headed for the Third Floor.

* * *

"You take the west wing, and I'll take the east?" Mina suggested quietly. Rowan nodded.

"Same signal?" she asked. Mina confirmed with a nod and then turned without another word. Rowan watched her stalk off alone for a moment with a deep frown. She was used to Mina's professional facade by now, but there was something deeply unsettling about this night.

Mina had been growing more and more irritable and withdrawn over the months since she'd taken up post at the castle, particularly since Sirius had last broken into Gryffindor Tower. Kingsley had told Rowan that he'd asked her to switch assignments, but she'd refused angrily. Rowan wasn't surprised by this - she knew Mina felt more responsible for Sirius than anyone else - but it was still deeply troubling. What would she do once she caught him? Would she kill him like she'd said? Rowan's chest was tight as she turned for the west wing. She knew Mina could handle herself physically, but she felt a great tension in her stomach as she thought of what would remain of her once Sirius was finally apprehended.

As she came across the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, she stopped. Her eyes lingered on the tall doors longingly. DADA had always been one of her favorite classes while at Hogwarts, but now the classroom held a different weight in her heart. Her eyes trailed over the handles of the door - how many of his fingerprints were imprinted there now? She tried to imagine him standing at the head of the room with his patient, kind gaze. Did he a have a special professorial tone while teaching? What assignments did he give out? Was he getting on well with the other faculty members?

But there was a shift in the darkness, and Rowan's throat caught. She spun quickly with her wand raised.

There was a giant black dog.

"Sirius," she breathed.

The dog's silhouette was alit from behind with the cold white light of the moon. Its yellow eyes pierced through the darkness. She saw his large form bristle under her gaze, but otherwise, he didn't move. She took a tentative step forward.

"Sirius," she whispered again. He didn't seem to register his own name. "Please. Turn back. Let's talk this through," she said. She kicked herself mentally for the shaky tone of her voice, but her entire body seemed to tremble at the sight of her long-lost friend. She took another step forward.

But he didn't move. He didn't growl or bark, just stood there, stiff and unyielding. She recognize the giant paws, the long snout. As she moved closer, she saw that his long hair was tangled and matted with caked dirt and debris. Her lips trembled. What had he become?

"Sirius," she whispered again, now only a few meters away. He then bared his teeth warningly, and she stopped in her tracks. Her wand was still raised, but she knew she was most likely useless in that moment. She'd prepared herself for this time and time again, and yet, now that he was here, she wasn't sure if she could attack him.

For a moment, he was completely still. But then she saw his back hunch, and his eyes shut, head bowed. His spine elongated like a swipe of ink, and then he was there, bowed and still. He stood, and her breath caught. It was _Sirius._

He was even harsher looking than his image in the paper had been. His hair was long and scraggly with bits of dirt and leaves tangled within it. The handsome face she'd once known was now waxy and sunken, gray eyes heavy and dull. His lips were dry and cracked, as were his hands. His feet were bare and hardened and covered in what seemed like a layer of soil. She saw the hints of Azkaban tattoos inked across his chest, though she couldn't read them in the dark. His sternum jutted from his chest unnaturally, catching the light from the window. How could this man be Sirius Black? How was this even the same person?

"Hello, Winnie," he croaked finally. Rowan's eyes widened at the harshness of his voice. It sounded as if he hadn't used it in months, perhaps years. He seemed to flinch at his own voice.

"Sirius," she greeted again. His lips pulled into a sad smile, and her brow furrowed. Was this truly the madman the Ministry had been hunting all this time?

"You look beautiful as ever," he said quietly. She nodded vaguely.

"Thank you," she whispered back. His smile deepened.

"Can't quite say the same about me though, eh?" he asked jokingly, raising his arms limply. Rowan took in his torn and tattered clothing, the dirty nature of his form, and smiled sadly.

"You'll always be the best-looking bloke in all of Hogwarts," she said. He let out a breathy laugh.

"Still got that sarcasm, I see," he said, eyes crinkling fondly at her. She smiled softly, heart clenching. She watched him carefully as his eyes scanned over her slowly. He seemed to be taking in every detail of her form, savoring it. His gaze was almost starving, and she realized this was the first real conversation he'd probably really had in many, many years. Her heart clenched painfully.

"How... How are you?" he asked quietly.

"I'm okay," Rowan said with a weak shrug. It was such a strange feeling, having small talk with this old friend, this fugitive, like a strange puppet show. She felt herself going through the motions weakly. Did he need this?

"How is everyone? Your mum and Alfred?"

Rowan smiled wryly. "They're okay. They turned the house into an orphanage - the James and Lily Potter Home for Children. There's about nine of them right now," she said softly. His face melted into a heavy smile.

"That's perfect," he whispered. She returned the smile, but then his expression faltered again.

"And..." he licked his dry lips hesitantly. "Remus? ... Mina?" he asked hesitantly.

Rowan's chest clenched again. She smiled sadly. "Mina's doing okay. She's Major General now," she said fondly. Sirius smiled sadly, eyes averting as he thought of his lost love. Rowan wanted to reach out to him, to tell him that Mina missed him still. "I wouldn't really know about Remus. I haven't seen him since... well, you know," she said weakly with a shrug. Sirius frowned deeply and looked back up at her.

"What?" he asked dumbly. "Since what? I don't understand."

But it was too much, too fast. She was reeling from the familiarity of his voice, of his presence. The memories of all those years ago came hurdling back. She couldn't bear to think of Remus at that moment too. It was overwhelming.

Was this really the Sirius who had betrayed them? Was he the one who ruthlessly gave up his best friends? Her eyes fell on his left arm, stomach churning. It had been so long - so many years of wondering and wondering silently, desperately. She had to know.

"Let me see your left arm."

Sirius frowned and held her gaze warily. She nodded firmly and gestured to his arm again. "Show me," she said. He nodded slowly and then raised him arm. Pushing the sleeve of his torn shirt back, his pale flesh was exposed to the white light that spilled in from the high windows.

There was no Dark Mark.

Her breath caught. "Then how...?" she breathed. Her entire body trembled. His lips twisted painfully, eyes burning earnestly.

"It wasn't me, Winnie." Her lungs hit her throat. _Who then?_ He seemed to read her expression. "It-"

But she didn't hear him. There was a sudden shout and a burst of red light. Rowan shouted and jumped out the way. Sirius threw himself back into the shadows as Mina came flying down the corridor. She threw another Stunning Spell with an angry roar. It filled the dark corridors with furious red light.

"Mina! _Mina, wait!_" Rowan shouted, groping blindly for her friend. But Mina threw her off with barely a second glance and shot another spell. Rowan saw a sliver of darkness shoot through the shadows and knew that Sirius had turned back into a dog, though neither she nor Mina could see him. Mina shot spell after spell but continued to miss. Rowan thought she saw one hit him in the leg - she heard a soft yelp of pain - but Mina's aim was unusually frantic and volatile. Rowan looked to her with horror and saw her face contorted maniacally. There were tears in her eyes.

"Mina, stop!" she shouted again, finally throwing herself at her friend. The brunette grunted at the impact and shoved against Rowan, though she gripped hard, determined.

"Mina, you have to stop! Please!" she cried. But Mina continued to flail.

"Rowan, let go of me! _Let go, damn it!"_ she screamed. But Rowan held strong, riding the wave of fury with her friend. Her own eyes burned with tears, but she pushed them back.

Mina continued to scream and thrash, letting out frustrated shouts of anger. "Why are you doing this? _He's going to get away!_" Rowan didn't answer though. She didn't know why either, but she knew that this was wrong. She simply held on until Mina's adrenaline dwindled away. She continued to push and flail until her arms and legs were desperate and weak. Her fists pounded on Rowan's back limply until they fell upon her one last time and stilled. Rowan felt her body tremble. She was crying.

"God damn it," she choked. "_Fuck!_" she sobbed. Her head fell against Rowan's shoulder, where she felt her friend's tears bubble hotly into her robes. A shudder rolled through her as well, and her own tears broke through silently. She rocked her friend slowly, quietly, as her sobs racked her body. She cursed incoherently at Rowan and Sirius, but her fingers clutched Rowan's robes desperately, face buried in her hair.

"I'm sorry," Rowan whispered. Mina shook her head furiously against her shoulder but continued to cry. Her sobs echoed emptily throughout the dark corridors. They both knew Sirius was gone.

* * *

Remus felt his breath steady as Mina's sobs evened out. His ears strained to hear Rowan's soft words of comfort, but she was too far. His heart ached painfully. She was so far away from him. He wanted to go to her desperately - to both of them - but his feet wouldn't move. He looked up as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, let's get back," Kingsley said softly. Remus nodded and followed the Auror back towards the staircase, stopping his ears from the sounds of her softly fading voice.

* * *

IV.

_"How could you have let him get away?"_

The Minister stormed back and forth furiously as Mina and Rowan stood contritely. Dumbledore and McGonagall stood behind the Minister with deeply troubled looks. Mina stood tall with a hard expression, eyes still red from crying, though the Minister didn't seem to notice, luckily. Rowan's stomach churned with guilt.

"Major General," the Minister sneered. "Major General, and you cannot apprehend even _one fugitive_ when he's right there in front of you?" he roared. Mina continued to look straight ahead, gaze hardened with many years of practice. Rowan watched her with awe, not even attempting to look professional at this point.

Finally, Fudge stopped pacing and stood in front of Mina, fuming and bristling. "I should have your badge for this," he snarled. "I should demote you back down to Lieutenant after this disaster! You had him _in your sights_ and yet you allowed him to escape. This is unacceptable! I _knew_ it was a bad idea to let you onto this assignment! I _knew _you couldn't act rationally about this! I-"

"Sir, this is my fault," Rowan spoke up. The Minister spun on her angrily, expression faltering for a moment. He stared hard at her.

"Explain." Rowan pushed her courage forward.

"It was my fault, sir, not Auror Surrey's. I was the one to corner Black, and when she came to give me assistance, I only hindered her. It was my fault that he escaped, not hers. She was nothing but professional and objective. If anyone is to blame for Black escaping, it was me." She supposed "hindered" wasn't untrue. She nearly grimaced as she thought of Mina's anger and her own sudden lack of rationality. She still couldn't believe she'd done that. What had she been thinking, letting him go?

Fudge's face was still a strange shade of puce. It twisted and contorted angrily as her explanation sank in. She held his gaze even though her face burned. She could feel Mina's eyes boring into the side of her head hotly but didn't look at her. Finally, Fudge seemed to deflate tiredly. He pressed a palm to his eye and rubbed it.

"Fine," he bit out. "Fine. You are to no longer assist in the protection of the castle. You are obviously not fit for this considering your former friendship with Black." Rowan's stomach clenched guiltily and she nodded. He gave her one last angry look and then turned back to Mina.

"Auror Surrey, I want a full report on my desk in the morning." She nodded.

"Understood, sir."

Fudge gave her another hard look before turning on his heel and heading for the door. "Dumbledore, Minerva," he said curtly. The two professors nodded to him, and with a few quick steps and a slam of the door, he was gone. Mina and Rowan continued standing silently. Dumbledore sighed and sank into his chair. McGonagall stood behind him vigilantly.

"It seems that we have had another long night. You two should go home and get some rest," he said kindly. But they didn't move. Rowan saw Mina shoot her a hesitant side glance. Rowan met it and then turned back to Dumbledore, who was watching them cautiously.

"Professor, I spoke to Siri-... I spoke to Black earlier," she said quietly. Dumbledore nodded for her to continue. "He said..." she faltered. The words still hadn't truly sunk in. It was still difficult to wrap her mind around it all. "He said it wasn't him... That there was someone else who betrayed James and Lily."

Dumbledore's eyes trailed over her hard. She saw out of the corner of her eye the frown on McGonagall's face. The Headmaster seemed to turning the idea over in his head. She wondered for the hundredth time how the mechanics of his mind worked.

"I see," he said quietly. "And do you believe him?" he asked.

Rowan's mouth twitched with effort. That was truly the hard question. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I really don't know but..." she paused and thought back to the bare flesh of his arm. "He didn't have a Dark Mark." Dumbledore nodded at this - of course he knew. "And he didn't speak the way a madman would... not like they've been describing him," she said. "I know it's possible for someone to put on the facade of sanity, but something in me is telling me that this isn't right, that he's just as sane as we are."

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "So you do believe him," he said quietly.

Rowan shook her head sadly. "I don't know," she said again weakly. She wanted to, desperately, but she knew she was just setting herself up to be heartbroken again. How did she still have any hope left inside of her when it came to this man?

Dumbledore nodded again. "I see," he repeated. He took on that thoughtful look, and Rowan felt Mina's gaze boring into the side of her head again. She turned to look at her and smiled weakly. Mina's lips trembled.

"Well, you've given me much to think about," Dumbledore said quietly. "I will continue to mull it over and will keep you updated if I come up with any theories." He then smiled gently at the two young women. "Now, I must insist that you two go home and get some sleep. You certainly look like you need it."

Rowan and Mina nodded and then turned to each other. They shared a dark look and then turned for the spiral staircase. They left silently.

* * *

"I'm sorry again, Mina," Rowan whispered as they walked through the dark corridors towards the castle doors. Mina sighed, much to Rowan's surprise.

"It's okay," she said quietly. She gave Rowan a small smile. "Thank you for sticking up for me back there." Rowan smiled back.

"It was the truth," she said simply. Her smile faltered. "I did hinder you. And I... I'm sorry for letting him go... I don't know what came over me," she said hesitantly. She watched for her friend's reaction, her anger, but it never came.

Mina frowned, eyebrows furrowing with effort. She remained silent, gaze on the ground in front of them as they continued to walk. Rowan sighed deeply and looked away from Mina. Her eyes looked upward at the waxing moon. It was at about Half Moon. She'd have to start preparing the flowers again. She suddenly felt very tired.

"Do you really believe what he said?"

Rowan looked back to see that Mina's eyes were still downcast, but her mouth was twisted despairingly. Rowan took a sharp breath.

"Do you?" she asked quietly.

For a moment, Mina's eyes squeezed shut tightly, letting Rowan guide them. When she opened her eyes again, they were glistening, but no tears fell.

"What am I going to do, Rowan?"

Rowan's chest tightened. She reached over and took her friend's hand. Mina squeezed back as they walked out of the castle and into the night.


	13. Unanticipated Reunions

**A/N:** Where did my other reviewers go...? Sorry, this is just a single post today, but I'll try to post another later this week!

**missalex3030:** Hahaha I'll admit that I haven't even told my boyfriend that I write fanfiction. He knows I read it, but I'm afraid he'd go looking for my story if I told him, and I think I'd die of humiliation if he ever found it. I'm SO happy you liked Mina and Sirius' chapter! I was a little worried it wouldn't be received well despite being pretty proud of it. I wish I'd explored their relationship more earlier on, but it was just so hard finding the right place to, so I finally just forced it in there. As for Remus and Kingsley, I realize now I didn't explain that well. I just figured they were on the lookout as well and heard the ruckus right as Rowan was holding Mina back, so there was no need for them to intervene by the time they arrived. On an somewhat unrelated note, I really hate the word "ruckus." "Rumpus" is a much better word.

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Hmm I'd say focus on the plot while keeping your heroine as a secondary detail. I think it's easy to fall into tropes when we think too much about our OCs. I've def done this - it's like we like our OC so much that the plot becomes more about her being awesome than about the story line. As for the jumbled ideas, something that helps me is writing out my timeline. It helps me sort/edit the ideas and then I fill in after with the details that help the broader points flow. And I'm very well, thank you haha. And you? Life is good. Spent the weekend writing a comic book for a friend. Work is tough but rewarding. My favorite song right now is "Gold" by Chet Faker. I hope that math homework didn't keep you up too late!

**eighteenethavenue: **Ah, thank you! More confusion!

**SMGF1:** Thank you, thank you, as always!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**December 2, 1983**

_Dear Remus,_

_I'm currently writing to you from the desk of my new flat in London. It feels peculiar being home, even more so since this space is completely new to me. I think it would have been different if it'd been "home" before, but it's just as strange to me as if it were another hostel or tent in Hungary. I keep telling myself I'll get used to it soon, but I still find myself being especially careful with the furniture as if I have to return it to its original owners in mint condition, despite it actually being mine._

_I've been back for a couple of days now. It's been much harder than I'd anticipated. As I'd stood on the platform in Europe waiting for the train to take us back through the mountains and eventually through France, I was so excited I nearly broken Amrit's hand. A__s I was boarding the train with Amrit and Lescos to leave, my stomach was a twist of knots, thrilled about the idea of home and finally seeing everyone again, about beginning to truly work in my own shop and even stepping up to the role of mentor for Claire._

_But then as the hours passed and I saw the mountains of Hungary disappear, this sickening fear began to take over. Memories hold a physical aspect, but I'd never felt it so strongly as I do now. I suppose my attempt at running away had been much more successful than I'd originally thought. Though my grief hadn't ever really left me while abroad, it had a loose hold, and as we crept closer and closer back to England, it was able to tighten its grip once more. As I stepped off the train in London, it squeezed me so hard that I momentarily lost my breath, and I reached up to find that I was quietly crying._

_I think maybe this feeling was here before. I think it's been here since James and Lily died, perhaps even before that, but I haven't felt it so profoundly until now, perhaps because the shock of it all never really sank in, even though I didn't leave until four months after they passed away. I knew that leaving here was a poor attempt at running away from everything, but I suppose it didn't occur to me how thoroughly I'd cut myself off from everything that'd happened._

___There's a certain emptiness that I can't quite fill. It's painful, resounding. I've found myself crying at random moments throughout the day, not in heaving sobs or anything so dramatic as that, but there will be small moments when I'll reach up and realize there are tears on my face, as if the sorrow has well up within me and overflowed slowly, leaking through my eyes. Mum says I should really take some time away from work to actually mourn. She says I probably have posttraumatic stress disorder. I don't know about all of that, but I realize now I essentially went straight back to work after everything happened. But now that I've returned, I have so many responsibilities to take care of. I have an apprentice who needs a mentor, a business to run, and patients to care for. There's really no time to rest. It seems almost ludicrous to even think about. I haven't even allowed myself to go see Lily and James in Godric's Hollow, though I know Lily in particular would be hurt by my negligence. It's becoming more and more obvious that I'm still very much in mourning, isn't it?_

___I find myself growing more and more tired from it all. I'm beginning to realize that perhaps I should have found someone to help Isaac run the apothecary because he's done nothing to quell any rumors about werewolf activity at our shop. He's just such a seemingly cold man naturally that people are intimidated by him, and then with all of our patients coming every month, the actual shop itself is getting little business. I don't know why he never mentioned it to me while I was away - he's usually so efficient. Perhaps Alfred told him not to tell me out of worry that I'd stress out about it. But now I have twice the work in dispelling any strange rumors and winning over the community here. It's just more and more daunting. Every time I look up, the hill before me seems to stretch higher and higher. I'm trying desperately not to think about it, but it's difficult not to when its shadow is so looming._

_I suppose I really could have stayed in Hungary, though that's laughable as well. Heinrich asked me to stay there with him. I was surprised by it, maybe even a little disdainfully so. I'd made it very obvious that I had every intention of returning home eventually and that I'd never return his affections. I've begun thinking that perhaps you felt this way as well, all those years ago when we first started. Maybe I was also pushing myself to believe that you'd someday love me back, despite all of the explicit reasons not to. I thought I'd feel bitter about it. Maybe I would have last year, but now, it's just sort of a sad "aha."_

_But there really was absolutely no chance of my remaining in Hungary, regardless of how much he asked or the love I developed for the mountains. He was very kind about it - I don't think he really expected me to stay - and insisted that I still write to him. It's a sweet gesture, and I'm sure I will out of propriety, but I do hope he moves on soon. I'll probably write infrequently to allow him time to start thinking about other women. Maybe he'll forget me quickly._

_Mum and Alfred have five children now. Two of them are older - already at Hogwarts - but the other three are still very young. Two of them are four years old, and the last is an infant - Caradoc Dearborn and Benjy Fenwick's kids. When I found out that they'd taken them in, I was so happy that I cried._

_I finally got to meet all of them two days ago. I already knew all of their names and quirky habits from Mum and Alfred's letters. I'll admit that I was actually very nervous about it. I was terrified for some reason that they'd hate me, but of course most children don't think that way. In fact, Caradoc's kids - Gillian [the eldest] and Lionel - are a lot like me and James when we were kids, though obviously not the same age. Apparently, Molly's been bringing Ron and the twins around to play with them. Mum says Gillian and the twins get on great, but they pick on Morgan a bit, and Lionel is still too young to really understand how to play with other children. He and Molly's little girl kind of just roll around the floor dumbly with each other and then pass out. _

_Oh, Molly and Arthur finally had their girl! Her name is Ginevra, Ginny for short - certainly not a name I would have chosen, but it seems to suit Molly's tastes, right? I suppose it's appropriate that her daughter would receive such a girly name after having to name so many boys. I haven't met her yet, but I'm going to the Burrow for dinner tomorrow night. I'm strangely nervous that the little ones won't remember me. Ron should be about three and a half now, right? I can't imagine he'll remember anything about us. He was so young when we left, after all. I just hope Fred and George remember me. Charlie just started at Hogwarts this year too with Bill. I hear he's turning out to be a great Quidditch player - on the reserve team already, even as a First Year. Apparently, they made an exception for him, like they did with James. I'm really eager to see how they've grown, though I won't be able to see Bill and Charlie until Christmas when they're home for the holiday._

_But the one little boy I want to see most of all is completely beyond my reach. I wrote to Dumbledore to ask if I could maybe see Harry, even for just a few minutes, but he still said no. I really wept for the first time in a while. He should be three by now. He probably doesn't remember me or even his parents I'd imagine. I wonder constantly if Petunia is taking care of him, if he's being fed right, if he's being loved enough. I wonder if he looks as much like James as I imagine he does. I wonder if his eyes are still green. I can only hope that the next eight years pass just as quickly as the past two - maybe I can catch a glimpse of him when he goes on to Hogwarts._

_Most surprising about being home now though is you, of all things. I thought I'd finally moved on. It has been two years, after all. I wasn't naive enough to think that I'd be able to be with anyone else quite yet, even now, but I didn't think I'd still feel the loss so sharply after all this time. I didn't feel it so strongly before I left, but now, it seems that I'm constantly afraid of seeing you on every street corner, in every window. I really don't know what it is. I'm even afraid to go visit your dad, out of some strange, illogical fear that I'll see you there or that something there will remind me too much of you and I'll make a fool of myself again. This shouldn't happen two years after breaking up with someone, should it? It's as if I've been asleep all this time and have finally come to out of a very long coma. What's wrong with me?_

_Anyway, I will be seeing your father soon I suspect - I wrote to him earlier today. I really hope you aren't there, though I hope that you're doing well, wherever you are. I'm torn between the hope that you've moved on and are happy and a spiteful desire to know that you'll never be over me. Some things never change, do they?_

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Unanticipated Reunions**

I.

It was a rather gray April afternoon, a Saturday in Hogsmeade for the students of Hogwarts. Harry and Ron were thrumming with excitement as they planned their afternoon in the village.

"I was thinking we'd head to Honeyduke's first and stock up on candy and snacks before heading to the Shrieking Shack and taking a look around there. Then there's Zonko's and the Three Broomsticks. We should stop there at the end and have a butterbeer before heading back up to the castle, maybe take a few bottles back with us for later..." Ron rambled.

All of that sounded like great fun, Harry thought, but the real thing - the real person - he wanted to see at Hogsmeade was Rowan Delacroix.

Ever since he'd secretly seen her the past month, he'd been thinking constantly about her - her bright smile, her warm gaze. He hadn't told Ron where he'd gone, but he was pretty sure the redhead knew he'd seen the Potions Master. _Godmother. God-mo-ther_. She was _his_, his father's godsister, his mother's best friend. He had looked at her photo nearly every night since then, wondering how she'd react if he were to just show up in her shop one of these days. He imagined that bright smile directed at him, the clear voice telling him how happy she was to meet him. Would she cry? There were so many things he wanted to ask her, to tell her.

"Let's go to the apothecary."

Ron shot him a careful look. "You sure that's a good idea?" he asked. Harry nodded fervently.

"Yeah, I want to see her," he said. Ron grinned and nodded.

"Okay then, let's go see Rowan!" he said happily. Harry grinned and felt the Invisibility Cloak in the pocket of his robes.

"I'll see you there."

* * *

II.

Rowan hummed softly as she worked through some routine potions. A series of potions smoked on the lab bench that was designated for the more mundane brews for the shop. A soft purple smoke was whispering over the potion in which she was currently dropping lavender. It smelled strongly of soap, almost nauseatingly so. Rowan let out a tired sigh as the potion turned a clear violet and stilled. Pulling the goggles up from her face momentarily, she rubbed the red marks that had been pressed into her cheeks. She repositioned them and then reached for a set of clean vials to begin filling with this solution before a bell was heard from the door.

_"Rowan, are you here?"_

Rowan's face lit up as she recognized the boyish voice calling from the shop.

"One second!" she shouted back. She set a lid on top of the cauldron and glanced over the others before heading out to the shopfront. She set her goggles on top of her head and rubbed quickly at the lines in her skin again before heading for the front where she was greeted with the bright gaze of a certain redheaded boy.

* * *

Something was off. Ron was too antsy. Rowan eyed him carefully over the counter where he was seated at a summoned stool once again, but there was something wrong with this picture. He seemed to smile too readily. His eyes were too eager, and they seemed to dart randomly around him, as if he were looking for something secretly. But what was he looking for?

Well, it didn't matter. She had a bone to pick with him.

"... So then Malfoy said-"

"Forget Malfoy for a second, Ron," Rowan said quickly, finally running out of patience. She'd heard countless stories about Ron's distaste for the youngest Malfoy - she couldn't blame him - and had been trying to humor him again, but his strange anxious glancing and the image of a teary-eyed brunette kept pushing her annoyance upward to her mouth. Ron's snapped shut with confusion as he looked to her to continue. She sighed.

"Are you and Harry still ignoring Hermione?"

Ron gaped for a moment before his expression twisted into one of indignation. She nearly groaned - she knew that face, that boyish anger. This was going to be painful.

"Her cat ate Scabbers!" he said angrily.

Rowan openly rolled her eyes this time. "Ron, that happened months ago, and regardless of what her cat did, there's not much she can do about it now. Don't you think it's time to forgive her now?" she countered, trying to keep her tone even.

But Ron was already in one of his states. She wanted to pound her head against the counter.

"Forgive her? She won't even apologize! She just keeps defending that _stupid_ cat of hers, as if it didn't do anything wrong!" he rambled. He then narrowed his eyes. "Hold on, how do you know that I haven't been talking to Hermione?"

Rowan grimaced. "She's been coming in here during your Hogsmeade trips since you started the second term."

Ron's face twisted again. "So she's been coming and crying to you, has she? Trying to get you on her side! I get it now!"

Rowan hadn't wanted to smack someone in a very long time, but she suddenly had an impulse and reach across the counter and slap Ron on the forehead.

"No, Ron, listen to what I'm saying-"

"No, that's exactly what she always does! She goes crying to the nearest adult when she doesn't get her way, and then _I _end up looking like the bad guy! She's so selfish! I-"

"Ron, shut up!" Rowan barked.

Ron's mouth snapped shut again with surprise at Rowan's sudden sharp tone, but his eyes still flared angrily. Rowan had felt a pang of remorse for a moment but felt her anger come back as she saw that unrepentant look in his face.

"I'm going to speak now, and you are not to open your mouth until I am done. Do you understand?"

Ron seemed to be fighting off the defiant scowl that was threatening to emerge on his face. His ears were red, and his mouth was twisting, but he nodded stiffly anyway. Rowan took a breath.

"I understand why you're upset about Hermione's cat eating Scabbers. I know how much you cared about that rat, and it's terrible that things had to happen this way," she said calmly. "But you can't keep holding this grudge against her forever. She's your best friend, and you're really going to throw that friendship away over a stupid accident?"

"But she didn't even apologize!" he blurted. Rowan shot him a scathing glare, and he shut his mouth again.

"Have you even given her a _chance_ to apologize?" she asked. Ron's lips twitched. He made a huff and then made another one of those strange side-glances to the corner again. She felt her annoyance flare once more - what the hell was he looking at?

"You need to just sit down and talk to her, Ron. She's much more sorry than you think," Rowan continued, choosing to ignore the boy's shifty looks. She considered mentioning how Hermione had cried each time she'd seen her since January but thought better of it - she wasn't going to embarrass the girl just to get her point across.

Ron made another strange glance to the corner, and Rowan felt that annoyance flare into something hotter.

"What the hell is so interesting about that corner that you can't even look at me for five seconds?" she finally demanded.

Ron's eyes shot wide, back stiffening.

"Nothing! Sorry, Winnie!" he said, a bit too shrilly. He gave an awkward, twitchy smile, and Rowan knew for sure there was something amiss. She narrowed her eyes at him but didn't say anything.

"Fine," she said warily. He deflated with some relief, but she kept her ears strained. Something didn't feel right. She knew there was definitely _something_ he was looking at, but she'd pretend she believed him for the moment.

"Anyway," she continued, "you need to sit down with Hermione and just talk this through. You can come here and do it if you don't want to talk around your classmates, but this is getting ridiculous. You two are much too good of- Ronald Weasley, _what the hell do you keep looking at?"_

Ron jerked again as he realized he'd been caught glancing once more. Rowan fumed and then spun on the corner he kept looking to, but it was empty. She quickly scanned over it - there had to be something. She felt it in her blood - something wasn't right about that corner of the store.

And there it was - the slightest of shifts in light, an unnatural flicker. Her stomach seized. She saw Ron's eyes widen at the realization on her face, but before Ron could open his mouth, she'd grabbed her wand in a second and shot a spell at the corner.

"_Immobulus!"_

There was a grunt as the spell hit something, and Rowan's breath caught.

It couldn't be.

Ron made a move to run for the corner, but Rowan shot him a scathing glare, and he froze, arms and back stick straight. He looked as if she'd immobilized him mid-jump as well. She then stalked slowly to the corner where she'd hit her invisible target. Her breath was shallow as she reached out a tentative hand. _Please - it can't be_, she thought desperately. But then her fingers grazed something cool and slippery, and she knew despairingly what it was. Her childhood came rushing back - memories of the sheer veil draped over her and James' head in the dark corridors of the castle, of the heat and hushed whispers shared beneath.

_Why? Why now?_

Her fingers gripped the slippery cloth and pulled limply, simply letting the cloak slip away silently. And there he was, like a ghost from the past, a sliver of silvery memory that had escaped from her tiny vials upstairs. She took a broken, gasping breath.

It was Harry, wide-eyed and frozen in place. His eyes scanned over her with panic. Her lips trembled as she took in his small frame. He was still a couple of inches shorter than she. He seemed alien, like something foreign that shouldn't exist in this world of hers. For a moment, she could almost believe he was just James, come back from the past to haunt her.

But it wasn't James, and she knew he wouldn't simply disappear like all of her other longing daydreams. Her arm twitched to reach forward, to feel him in all of his solidity, but she kept her arm glued to her side, sticky with horror and sobriety. She stared hard at him, but she could barely see anything. Heat rushed to her face, through her limbs. Anger, grief, joy - they swirled in a torrential storm within her. She fought for an answer. _What do I do?_

"_Finite," _she whispered. His body slackened suddenly, breath coming quickly. She clenched the Invisibility Cloak in her hands and pushed away the memories it evoked. She allowed her eyes to trail over him once more before averting her gaze, almost shamefully. She then turned away and all but shoved the cloak back into Harry's hands. He stared hard at it and then her, eyes beseeching and desperate. _  
_

"Leave," she gasped. Harry's eye widened fearfully.

"Rowan, please, I'm sorry! I just wanted to meet you. I-" Harry started weakly.

Her eyes burned as she heard her name leave his lips - he knew. _He knew._ He stepped forward but stopped, eyes widening, as she armed her wand at him.

"I should report your presence here to Dumbledore. I should keep you here without hesitation," she breathed, though she wasn't sure from where the words had come. Her mind was a blank slate, a cluster of dumb screams. "I'm trusting that I won't have to do that, that you'll stay in the castle after this," she whispered. Her lips trembled. "Now go. Before I change my mind."

But he and Ron simply stood there stiffly, staring dumbly at her. The heat erupted in her stomach.

"Winnie, please, just listen to h-"

"GO!"

Harry and Ron stared with mild horror at her, but she kept her eyes averted. She didn't see the tremble of Harry's lips as he finally turned away or the angry look on Ron's face as they made for the exit. They spun quickly and were out the shop with a loud bang of the door. The bell echoed emptily.

For a long time, Rowan couldn't move. Finally, she found sense of her feet and turned back toward the counter slowly. Her knees seemed to lock, unyielding. She placed her hands on the surface and let the anxiety collapse from her lungs. A heaving gasp tore from her lips. She bowed her head and cried.

* * *

II.

On the Third Floor of Hogwarts Castle, Professor Remus Lupin sat in his office with a cup of tea and two large stacks of papers. The first stack was slowly shrinking as the other grew sheet by sheet. The growing stack's top piece of parchment had a series of red marks scribbled over it with "7/10" written at the top. As he finished grading another paper, he let out a quiet groan and leaned back into his chair. He reached up and ran a tired hand through his hair, still in need of a trim. He frowned - he really needed to go into town to get it cut. He'd put it off long enough now.

He looked out the window, feeling very sobered. He'd avoided going into Hogsmeade for months now, terrified of seeing Rowan. Dumbledore's words from November had echoed in his mind over and over again, and he reluctantly admitted that the Headmaster was right, as always - _he_ was the one who didn't want to see _her._

But that wasn't quite right either. He wanted to see her, desperately. He'd thought that the hunger would fade with time, but though the sharpness of the pain had dulled, its depth had continued to carve itself in the pit of his stomach over the past twelve and a half years like slowly eroding water. He'd learned how to push her from the front of his mind, but since coming back to Hogwarts, it had been impossible to keep her voice from creeping back into his thoughts. There were simply too many memories of her here, tied to each classroom, each corridor. He'd even found himself sitting on the grassy hill, looking out at the lake and cherishing the memory of her presence there. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend that she was sitting there with him, like she always had all those years before, her fingers just inches away from his-

_"Lupin!"_

Remus jerked out of his reverie at the sound of an angry shout. He flailed around, looking for the voice before noting the green raging flames in his fireplace. The panic in his chest calmed as he recognized the voice.

"Yes?" he called back, a dull annoyance blossoming.

"_I want a word!"_ Snaped shouted through the fire. Remus groaned quietly and muttered a few curses under his breath before standing from his desk and moving to the fire. What could this man want _now?_

As the spinning green flames subsided, Remus stepped out of the fireplace in the Potions Master's office. He brushed the ash from his robes and looked around. Harry was gaping at him, a bewildered look on his face. Beside him, Snape was fuming, bristling with rage. Remus was torn between a grimace and a grin - this again?

"You called, Severus?" Remus asked mildly, consciously keeping his annoyance from his voice.

"I certainly did," said Snape, his face contorted with fury as he strode back to his desk. "I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets. He was carrying this." He pointed violently at a large piece of parchment - a very _familiar_ piece of parchment.

Remus' breath stopped for a moment. That map - how long had it been since he'd last seen it? How on earth did Harry have it, and how could he have been foolish enough to let Snape see it? He felt his face tugging with a surprising jolt of something and was surprised to identify it as anger. He consciously kept his gaze fixed on the map, afraid he'd show some of that burn that was beginning to build in his stomach.

"Well?" demanded Snape.

Remus kept his gaze on the map still.

"Well?" demanded Snape again. "This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise, Lupin. Where do you imagine Potter got such a thing?" He heard every accusation in the man's voice. Remus knew Snape recognized those nicknames - they hadn't exactly kept those secret while at Hogwarts. In fact, the Marauders had gone out of their way to publicize those affectionate titles for themselves, as if to further establish the demarcation between themselves and all Others.

_Think, Remus, think!_

Finally, something came to him. Remus looked up and out of the corner of his eye, shot Harry the smallest, most minute glances. He hoped the boy understood. _Keep your mouth shut, Harry._

"Full of Dark Magic?" Remus echoed mildly. He was amazed that he'd been able to keep the light tone of his voice. "Do you really think so, Severus? It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who reads it. Childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Harry got it from a joke shop-"

"Indeed?" hissed Snape. His eyes were bulging now with rage, jaw locked and seizing. Remus knew he was pushing him to his limit. "You think a joke shop could supply him with such a thing? You don't think it more likely that he got it directly from the _manufacturers_?"

Remus kept the neutral expression plastered to his face. He silently congratulated himself for maintaining his poise.

"You mean by Mr. Wormtail or one of these people?" he said. He glanced over at Harry casually. "Harry, do you know any of these men?"

"No," said Harry quickly.

_Good boy,_ Remus thought.

"You see, Severus?" said Remus, turning back to Snape. _Just drop it. Drop it._ "It looks like a Zonko product to m-"

Right on cue, a body hurdled into the room. Remus saw the red hair and the gasping sputters and felt a wave of relief.

"I g-gave Harry... that... that stuff," he choked. "Bought it... in Zonko's... ages ago!"

"Well!" Remus said, a bit too loudly, clapping his hands together. He put on that well-practiced cheery smile and gazed around at the two boys, hoping they understood to shut up. "That seems to clear that up! Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?" He plucked the map up from the table, folded it neatly, and tucked it inside his robes. It was just as light as he remembered, and yet it held such a considerable weight against his chest. It suddenly reminded him of the simmering anger in his gut. "Harry, Ron, come with me. I need a word about my vampire essay. Excuse us, Severus."

Remus turned quickly and started for the door without a second glance at Snape. He needed to get out of that office before he made a scene. He needed to be out of earshot of Snape before he blew up at these boys. As they rounded the corner and made it up half a flight of stairs, Harry finally spoke:

"Professor, I-"

Remus felt something scream distantly. His hand trembled furiously.

"I don't want to hear explanations," he hissed. He spun on the boys, who both stared with horror at the look on Remus' face. Remus stole a glance around the empty corridors and then looked back to Harry and Ron, that anger still building. He took a shaky breath to steady himself before speaking again: "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago. Yes, I know it's a map," he snapped as Harry and Ron's eyes widened, impressed. "I don't want to know how it fell into your possession. I am, however, astounded that you didn't hand it in, particularly after what happened the last time a student left information about the castle lying around. And I can't let you have it back, Harry."

Harry nodded dumbly, as if expecting that, but his gaze remained earnest.

"Why did Snape think I'd got it from the manufacturers?" he asked hurriedly.

"Because-" Remus started hesitantly. He cursed at the boy's intuition. "Because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of school. They'd think it extremely entertaining," he explained vaguely.

"Do you know them?" said Harry, impressed.

"We've met," Remus said shortly. He shot Harry another scathing look. The boy drew back again. Remus took another deep breath and felt the boiling reduce to a simmer. It fizzled quietly at the pit of his stomach.

"Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously, but I would have thought that what you have heard when the Dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you. Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry. A poor way to repay them - gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks."

And with that, he turned on his heel and continued up the stairs, leaving Harry and Ron dumbfounded and silent.

As he turned around the bend that cut him from their line of sight, he felt his legs begin to tear up the stairs at a furious pace. His head pounded deafeningly, heat rising to his face. And as he finally reached his office, he slammed the door shut with much more force in his arms than he'd been aware of. He pressed his back against the door and let his head fall back, hitting against its surface quietly. With another release of breath, the anger smoked from his gut hotly. He didn't take the map out of his pocket. He couldn't bear to look at it just yet.

Remus wasn't sure why he'd reacted so angrily, so suddenly, but as soon as he'd seen that map, he'd known that Harry had been in Hogsmeade. He knew the boy had James' Invisibility Cloak and was sure that he was using it for reasons similar to his father's when they'd been children. And if he was anything like James - which Remus was sure he was - Harry would be sure to piece those two tools together.

But then Lily had emerged in his mind, and then Rowan and Mina, who had stayed out of the boy's life all these years despite their urges to see him - all because they wanted to protect him. Harry had no idea of the sacrifices the people around him had made to guard him from those who would want to do him harm, and yet, he was risking all of their efforts for a few afternoons at Zonko's and the pub. He felt another wave of anger threaten to peak, but he pushed it back down with another large sigh.

He felt his hand raise slowly and then press to his chest where the map was folded within his robes. He knew that Messrs. Wormtail, Moony, Padfoot and Prongs were still there, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to face them quite yet. He pulled the folded parchment from his robes quietly and then set it within a drawer in his desk. Perhaps he'd find the courage to say hello to them again later.


	14. Stolen Time

**A/N: **WHEW this was a tough one to write. AND it's a DOUBLE POST because I have friends coming in to town _again_ this weekend. The gift and curse of living in the city is that all of my friends want to come visit, taking up all my precious quiet time on the weekends.

Time travel and discontinuous sequences of time are hard to try to wrap one's head around. It's a wild ride. I'm particularly proud of the ending eheheh.

**SMGF1:** Thank you! Glad you liked it! :]

**missalex3030:** Thank you! The letters make me sad too. I guess they're inherently sad since they only exist b/c Rowan and Remus are apart. And yeah, I had mixed feelings about their meeting, but I'm glad I can still bring some surprises to all of you! Double post!

**Nikos Pyrr:** Ah, I totally get that. Sorry if you felt like I was demanding reviews haha. Write me reviews when you feel compelled to! I'm so glad the last chapter seemed to fit! And I'm SO happy you think of Rowan that way! It really is amazing when I hear how much she's grown on people. Thanks for humoring my neediness!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Haha sorry for the surprises, but I'm happy to hear my advice helped at all! Lemme know when you start writing! I'd love to read it! Thanks, as alway!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**June 21, 1984**

_Dear Remus,_

_It's about 4 a.m. as I write this. I wonder where you are right now, if you took care of yourself this past week or if you pushed yourself too hard again. It's supposed to be a harsh cycle this month, unfortunately. I'd like to think that maybe I'm awake because you've stolen my bit of sleep, wherever you are._

_I had a dream about you that woke me up, and now, I can't sleep. The humidity certainly doesn't help either. You know how I am with wet heat. I woke suddenly as I was saying something in my dream, but now I can't remember what it was. I think it was to you._

_We were walking through the Forbidden Forest together. But I'm not actually sure if it really was you. You were in werewolf form, though I've never actually seen you transform, despite seeing so many others by now. We were completely silent, and you were calm. We didn't touch as we walked. It was as though we were on separate planes and simply happened to be walking adjacently by chance, unknowing and unseeing the other. But as we walked, it was as if my consciousness were split into two entities: the "me" beside you and the omniscient Me above._

_Then we came to the lake, and the Me combined with the one at your side, so all I could see was from just my own perspective at the lakeside. I looked up at the moon, which was so large and yellow. It was enormous, the size of a mountain. My head began to spin as if the gravitational force were pulling me up with the tide, and then I heard you say something, though I know you didn't actually speak. I can't remember what it was now though or what I turned to say to you. I woke with a jolt as the words were about to leave my mouth, so it came out only as a kind of shout. Maybe there's a difference in languages between this realm and the one in dreams, something untranslatable. _

_But as I've sat here, tracing over the dim yellow and blue steps of my dream, I've realized __that no matter how much I've worked or how I even began all of my research, there was always a divide between that part of you and the part of yourself you shared with me. It makes me wonder how much you kept from me, perhaps knowingly or unknowingly. I have to wonder what part of you was ever real. Was the face you showed me you at all? Perhaps I was just incapable of ever understanding, like how I'll never know what I was going to say to you within my dream._

_The moon seems much larger now that I look at it again. Perhaps after all these years it's begun to affect me as well. Maybe it wasn't you in the dream but, in fact, me. Somehow, that makes me a little sad._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 13: Stolen Time**

I.

Rowan sat in her laboratory beneath the apothecary restlessly. Claire worked beside her in diligent silence, but she couldn't seem to muster the same effort. She sighed at the glowing flowers in her hands, freshly harvested not even an hour before from the garden on her roof. They still glowed dimly as she crushed their petals into a yellow paste. Her fingers glowed faintly as well.

It was the night of the full moon, a sticky, hot summer night. Full moons were always late nights for her and Claire as they had to harvest the flowers as they blossomed in the evening. Their power couldn't be harnessed unless plucked at just the right time, so their major work was always focused around this one night each month. She looked around them and sighed.

She hadn't seen Hermione, Harry, or Ron since April when she'd caught Harry in her shop. Her throat still clenched at the thought. She couldn't believe he'd been there, staring up at her fearfully. She didn't know how he'd found out about her when she'd been so careful to keep her relationship with him a secret. Had Hermione figured it out? Rowan had a feeling she knew about Remus, and it would be foolish to underestimate that girl's brilliance, but she'd given no real concrete facts about her relationship with any of the Marauders, let alone James.

She bit back a frustrated groan. How he must hate her now! She'd been so cruel to him, so cold, when all he'd wanted was to see her! The poor boy probably wanted desperately to know her, to know the only person who still had ties to his past. He probably wanted to hear about his parents, to ask if she still thought of him too. She wanted to pound her head on the counter with anger.

But how? How could Harry have known? The question echoed again and again until she wanted to throw something with frustration. She knew she should tell Dumbledore, but every time she considered going to the Headmaster, she couldn't even think of what to say. If she told him she'd seen Harry, then he'd know about the Marauder's Map and would then probably suspect Remus. She knew the twins had most likely given it to him - Remus didn't deserve any blame for the boys' dumb mistakes.

She sighed again and turned back to scraping the paste from her cutting boards into the various cauldrons she'd set up. The lycanthropic mice were all sleeping soundly in their cages, much to her relief. It was quiet.

"Rowan!"

Rowan jumped at the sudden shriek from her apprentice. She spun with her wand in her hands and blanched. Claire was gaping with a pointed finger directed at a glowing bird - Dumbledore.

"_Come to the Hospital Wing immediately. Do not speak to anyone. Do not be seen. Hurry."_

And with that, the phoenix stretched its wings broadly and raised its elegant neck. It disappeared.

Rowan's stomach clenched painfully. She turned to Claire, who was staring at her wide-eyed. Rowan tore her goggles from her face and her lab coat from her shoulders.

"Do not answer the door for anyone. Do not let anyone know that I'm not here. Do you understand?" Claire nodded frantically as she watched the older woman tear around the lab for her wand and necessary belongings. She gave one last tight smile to Claire before tearing out the door for the castle.

_Harry, please be okay._

* * *

II.

Harry was panicking. The white walls of the Hospital Wing were blinding. There were too many people, too many voices. He needed to find Sirius! He needed these people to listen! _Why wouldn't they listen?_ He looked frantically between Hermione, Dumbledore and the Minister. Hermione looked just as much in a panic as he was. Fudge was frowning heavily, deeply concerned. Finally, Dumbledore drew himself.

"I would like to speak to Harry and Hermione alone," he said. "Cornelius, Severus, Poppy - please leave us."

"Headmaster!" sputtered Madam Pomfrey. "They need treatment, they need rest-"

"This cannot wait," said Dumbledore. "I must insist."

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips and strode away into her office at the end of the ward, slamming the door behind her. Fudge consulted the large gold pocket watch dangling from his waistcoat.

"The Dementors should have arrived by now," he said. "I'll go and meet them. Dumbledore, I'll see you upstairs."

He crossed to the door and held it open for Snape, but Snape hadn't moved. Harry wanted to leap across the bed and punch the man.

"You surely don't believe a word of Black's story?" Snape whispered, his eyes fixed on Dumbledore's face.

"I wish to speak to Harry and Hermione alone," Dumbledore repeated.

Snape took a step toward Dumbledore.

"Sirius Black showed he was capable of murder at the age of sixteen," he breathed. "You haven't forgotten that, Headmaster? You haven't forgotten that he once tried to kill me?"

"My memory is as good as it ever was, Severus," said Dumbledore quietly. Harry glared victoriously at the Potions Master.

Snape turned on his heel and marched through the door Fudge was still holding. It closed behind them, and Dumbledore turned to Harry and Hermione. They both burst into speech at the same time. Their broken explanations hurdled at the Headmaster. Ramblings about Animagi, rats, and guilt were thrown around like splatters of paint, but Dumbledore took it without the batting of an eye. He held up his hand to stem the flood of explanations.

"It is your turn to listen, and I beg you will not interrupt me, because there is very little time," he said quietly. "There is not a shred of proof to support Black's story, except your word, and the word of two thirteen year-old wizards will not convince anybody. A street full of eyewitnesses swore they saw Sirius murder Pettigrew. I myself gave evidence to the Ministry that Sirius had been the Potters' Secret-Keeper."

"Professor Lupin can tell you-" Harry said, unable to stop himself

"Professor Lupin is currently deep in the forest, unable to tell anyone anything. By the time he is human again, it will be too late, Sirius will be worse than dead. I might add that werewolves are so mistrusted by most of our kind that his support will count for very little and the fact that he and Sirius are old friends-"

"But -"

"Listen to me, Harry. It is too late. Do you understand me? You must see that Professor Snape's version of events is far more convincing than yours."

"But you believe us."

"Yes, I do," said Dumbledore quietly. Harry deflated with relief. "But I have no power to make other men see the truth, or to overrule the Minister of Magic-"

Suddenly, the door burst open. All three looked up quickly, and Harry's stomach clenched. It was Rowan.

"Delacroix, what do you think you're-" Snape barked from behind her, but Dumbledore held up a hand again and smiled.

"It is quite all right, Severus. I asked that Rowan come before any of this started this evening. I need her consultation on a bit of research I've stumbled upon," he said lightly.

But Snape continued to glower. Rowan met his gaze fiercely. "Surely, that can wait now, Headmaster. I'm sure there are more pressing matters to-"

"That will be enough, Severus. Please," he said, gesturing to Rowan. She nodded to Dumbledore and then turned, smiling coldly at Snape. He glared venomously as she shut the door in his face and then turned back. She moved swiftly to the Headmaster's side. Harry took in her form as her long strides moved her towards them, her brow heavily furrowed. He hadn't seen her in nearly two months. The very thought of the word "godmother" had made him sick with anxiety since he'd last seen her, but she was here again, looking terrified at his state. He realized that he was still quite pale with a several cuts and bruises. She locked gazes with him, and her lip trembled. Her eyes then drifted to the distant bed where Ron was unconscious still. Her eyes widened.

"Professor, what-"

"Rowan, you need to listen to me now," he interrupted abruptly. Her mouth snapped shut, but her eyes were still beseeching. She glanced at Harry quickly. His stomach clenched at her worried look. "There is no time to explain, but you must trust me. Do you understand?" he whispered in a rush.

Rowan stared for a moment. She glanced over again at Harry and Hermione. Harry's mouth was twisted anxiously, eyes wide as he stared at her. She trembled slightly and then turned back to the Headmaster and nodded silently. Dumbledore's gaze hardened.

"Sirius is here in the castle, being kept in Filius' office, and it is imperative that Harry and Hermione reach him before the Minister. They are going to administer the Dementor's Kiss."

Rowan's eyes widened as his words sank in. Harry watched her face go pale with horror. He could see the thousands of questions flickering across her face.

"Sirius is innocent, just as he said in March. He was framed thirteen years ago by Peter Pettigrew, who is still alive but has escaped. It is of the utmost importance that the Minister stays down at Hagrid's house for as long as possible. Do you understand? I _need_ you to keep the Minister distracted."

Rowan's eyes darted frantically over the Headmaster's face. Harry could see her blatant confusion as she tried to absorb the unbelievable story.

"Rowan!" Dumbledore barked, shaking her slightly. She blinked dumbly and nodded without really understanding what she'd just agreed to. She looked back to Harry weakly. She looked as if she desperately wanted to say something to him. He held her gaze eagerly, urging her on silently, but then her mouth twitched, and she looked back to Dumbledore.

"Where is Remus?" she asked. Harry frowned - _Professor Lupin? -_ but Dumbledore's mouth twisted painfully.

"He is in the woods somewhere, something that I must also ask you to handle in a moment," he said. Rowan's eyes narrowed with sudden anger.

"He's transformed?" she hissed. "Did Snape not give him his potion? He said he'd provide it for him! He promis-"

"Professor Lupin forgot to take it today," Hermione piped up. Rowan's head jerked to look at the young girl, who was gazing at her desperately. "Because of us," she said guiltily. Harry saw Rowan's face melt into a distilled horror. Her skin went pale, lips trembling. His confusion took on a new layer - what was Professor Lupin's relationship with her? Then her gaze took on a new hardness, a ferocity he'd never seen.

"Okay," she breathed. She looked back to Dumbledore weakly and nodded. "Okay, just tell me what to do." Dumbledore smiled with some relief.

"Thank you, Rowan," he said gratefully and then turned to the two children. "What we need," said Dumbledore slowly, and his light blue eyes moved from Harry to Hermione, "is more time." Harry frowned, as did Hermione.

"But-" Hermione began. And then her eyes became very round. "_Oh!_" Harry still didn't understand.

"Now, pay attention," said Dumbledore, speaking very low, and very clearly. "Sirius is locked in Professor Flitwick's office on the seventh floor, thirteenth window from the right of the West Tower. If all goes well, you will be able to save more than one innocent life tonight. But remember this, both of you: you must not be seen. Miss Granger, you know the law. You know what is at stake. You - must - not - be - seen." He then turned to Rowan.

"Rowan, you need to follow Harry and Hermione and go down to Hagrid's hut to distract the Minister. Hold him off as long as you can. As soon as Harry and Hermione escape with the Hippogriff-" Rowan's eyebrows furrowed deeply with confusion at this. "-you must intercept Remus in the Forbidden Forest. Do you understand?"

Harry didn't have a clue what was going on. He watched silently as the information seemed to trickle down Rowan's face. Finally, she nodded solemnly - at least she seemed to understand Dumbledore's instructions, though he still felt as if the world were spinning on without him. Before he could ask for more clarification, Dumbledore had turned on his heel for the door. When he reached it, he turned.

"I am going to lock you in. It is," he consulted his watch, "five minutes to midnight. Miss Granger, three turns should do it. Good luck."

And with that, he shut the door. Harry looked awkwardly between Hermione. The older woman looked just as confused as he felt. Hermione, however, was fumbling with the neck of her robes, pulling a very long, fine gold chain from beneath them. At the end of it was a tiny, sparkling hourglass.

* * *

III.

She couldn't believe she was doing this. Dumbledore's plan was lunacy. Timeturners? Animagi? A _Hippogriff?_ It was ludicrous, absolute madness. Rowan's innards were still turning from the alien experience of time travel.

And she'd been so close to Harry. She'd hunched over awkwardly to be level with Harry and Hermione as the girl had flung the chain around their necks. Her shoulder had pressed against his as they'd spun wildly through the strange stretch of time. The walk from the Hospital Wing to the entrance had felt like a lurching whirlwind as well, nearly blank in her mind as she tried to think back to it, despite it only being moments before. There had been no time to say what she'd been going over in her mind for weeks, and even if there had been time, she wasn't sure if she'd have been capable of saying any of it. She shook herself and grimaced - there were more important matters at hand than her estrangement from her godson.

Rowan took a deep breath as she ran down the hill to Hagrid's hut. Would she make it in time? Finally, she saw the glimmer of the Minister's trademark lime-green bowler and sighed with relief - they still hadn't quite made it to the hut.

"Minister!" she shouted. Cornelius Fudge jumped slightly and spun around, craning his neck for the source of the voice. His gaze fell upon her as she steadied to a walk.

"Oh, Rowan!" he exclaimed, beaming at her. "How wonderful it is to see you! Always a pleasure, always a pleasure." His expression then faltered for a moment, no doubt remembering his anger from the last time he'd seen her. "What are you-" he started.

Rowan smiled broadly. "Oh, Professor Dumbledore has commissioned me to help him with some research he's found concerning some potions from the Roman Empire, and then I heard you were here and couldn't help but come down and say hello!" She kept the shit-eating grin plastered to her face despite wanting to be anywhere but there. But Fudge seemed to buy it. He beamed.

"Fascinating! I should love to read that paper once you are done!" he said eagerly. He gestured her forward and then turned to the domineering man beside him. "Rowan, have you met Walden Macnair? He's here to take part in the, uh... the procedure."

Macnair stared hard at Rowan and then pulled his lips into a tight smile. Rowan nodded to him curtly but didn't return the gesture - they both knew what the other was. Even if the Minister thought him innocent, Rowan knew that if she were push up the sleeve of his robes, she'd find a Dark Mark there.

"Minister," Macnair growled, gesturing to the hut.

"Just a moment, my good man. Patience! We have time," he said before turning back to Rowan. She smiled broadly.

"So how are you, Minister? Doing well, I hope?"

Fudge smiled but shook his head. "Busy, busy, as to be expected. This business with Black has certainly been quite nasty," he said. He then looked up with some embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Rowan. I didn't mean to bring up- you-" he sputtered apologetically. Rowan smiled graciously.

"It's quite all right, Minister. I can certainly imagine how difficult it's been at the Ministry. I do hope you catch him very soon," she said in faux-seriousness.

There was a slight glimmer of dark hair, and Rowan's breath caught as she saw Harry's glasses pop up from the garden, glinting with the setting sun. Was that the current or future Harry? Her mind spun for a moment as she groped desperately for at what point in the plan they were but then drew herself back up.

"Minister, have you seen the sunset from here?" she asked suddenly, turning the man away from the pumpkin patch. "It's quite beautiful, isn't it? Really, this is one of the best spots on the grounds to watch it."

The Minister smiled with some confusion. "Yes, yes, it's quite lovely," he said awkwardly. Rowan wanted to kick herself. Yes, the sunset was lovely, but this certainly was not the optimal view for it. She floundered for a moment before pulling another story forward.

"James and I used to come down here all the time to see Hagrid, and we'd sit out here when the weather was warm like tonight and talk about our days and complain about homework," she said softly, forcing a strain to her voice. Fudge's gaze melted right on cue. She saw a glimmer of dark hair again out of the corner of her eye, moving to where the Hippogriff was tied. She had to hold the Minister's attention for just a little longer. "This place really holds some happy memories for me," she said, keeping Fudge's gaze on her.

Fudge nodded jerkily, lips twisting sadly. She suppressed the grin she wanted to shoot at Macnair. _Eat it up, Death Eater_, she thought darkly. _Sucks to be passed over for a blood traitor, doesn't it? _But she kept her face straight. James would have certainly been proud of this performance.

"Yes, you two - you were such good friends," the Minister said softly. "You grew up together, yes?" Rowan nodded, a sad smile still plastered to her face.

"Yes, he was only a few months older. I knew him my whole life before he..." she pretended to choke on her emotion. In any other circumstance, she probably would have gotten emotional at the thought of James, but right now, his son needed her more. "He was like a brother to me, more than that even. It's difficult coming back to the school grounds sometimes when everything here seems to hold a reminder of him."

Fudge melted like butter, and she knew she had him in the palm of her hand. He turned and grasped Rowan's hands tightly. "Thank you for sharing such a tender memory with me, you dear girl." Rowan gave him a faux-weepy smile and nodded.

"Thank you for letting me share it, Minister."

"Minister, we really must continue," Macnair spoke up coldly. Fudge jumped slightly and shook himself from his emotional moment.

"Yes, yes, you're right," he said, dabbing at his eyes with a pink handkerchief that he'd procured from his breast pocket. He was about to move forward again when there was another voice.

"Cornelius!"

Macnair looked like he could execute all of them on the spot. They turned to see Dumbledore ambling towards them with another older man who looked quite tired and determined to get home as soon as possible.

"Albus, Rickard!" the Minister greeted happily. "Just in time!"

"I'm so very sorry to be late, Minister. I was just showing Rickard here the new socks Filius knitted for me," Dumbledore said happily. The other man scowled with annoyance. Dumbledore then smiled warmly at Rowan. "I see you've run into Rowan! She has been so kind as to come here to help me with some new research I've been dabbling in."

"Yes, she's told me! It sounds fascinating, truly fascinating. I was just telling her that I would love to read your findings once you are done," the Minister said. Rowan beamed at him.

"_Minister."_

"Oh, all right, all right," Fudge said finally, giving in to Macnair's pestering. He then turned to Rowan. "Rowan, my dear, if you will excuse us. This is some nasty business, I'm afraid - wouldn't want you to have to see it," he said. Rowan nodded and gave a gracious smile.

"I completely understand. It was wonderful seeing you, Minister, as always," she said. He smiled brightly and then turned back to the hut. They knocked and a weeping Hagrid answered the door. Rowan's stomach clenched at the sight of the giant man's tears. She gave him an encouraging smile before backing away.

"Where is the beast?" came the cold voice of Macnair.

* * *

IV.

"Come on, Buckbeak," Harry murmured, "come on, we're trying to help you!" He felt his anger begin to push up. The Hippogriff was clearly not in the mood to cooperate.

"'... as witnessed below.' Hagrid, you sign here..."

"Well, let's get this over with," said the reedy voice of the Committee member from inside Hagrid's cabin. "Hagrid, perhaps it will be better if you stay inside-"

"No, I - I wan' ter be with him... I don' wan' him ter be alone..."

"Buckbeak, move!" Harry hissed.

Harry was beginning to panic again. The voices from inside were drawing to a conclusion with the execution documents, and Buckbeak still hadn't made it to the forest. He didn't have his Invisibility Cloak either, so he and Hermione were also in plain sight. If they didn't move quickly, they would be caught!_  
_

"Buckbeak, come o-"

But then he stopped. There was a strange molting at the top of the creature's head. It looked as if he were melting from the tip of his head downward, but then as Harry looked closer, he could see that it was like a coating, like an invisible liquid was being dripped on Buckbeak's head. He and Hermione gasped as they both felt a dripping on their own heads. Harry reached up frantically only to feel nothing but his own hair. What-

"Go now!"

They looked up to see Rowan suddenly beside them with a blazing look. Harry's throat clenched at her sudden proximity. How had she snuck up on them without their noticing?

"I've Disillusioned the three of you, but it won't last long. Go! Now!" she hissed. They didn't need to be told twice. They pulled hard on Buckbeak's collar, and he finally got up with a huff, chasing after them into the Forbidden Forest. Harry looked back once more to see that Rowan was also slowly disappearing. She must have performed the charm on herself as well. He swallowed hard and turned back to the dense trees. He would have to ask her his questions later.

* * *

V.

Rowan moved through the Forbidden Forest quickly, Disillusioned and panting. The humid air clung to her skin stickily. She brought her hand up to wipe the sweat from her upper lip only to feel it reform with deep frustration.

_Where are you, Remus?_ she thought frantically. Somewhere in the distance, she heard howling, but she couldn't determine from where. She simply kept moving deeper and deeper, hoping that she was moving towards him.

Finally, she came to a clearing in the woods, a large circular space where the trees stepped back reverently. There was the large trunk of a felled tree in the middle of the space with foliage and heavy moss growing from its body. She assessed it carefully before bringing out her wand with a deep breath.

She made quick work of the tree, pieces of it flying this way and that. She sent sharp jinxes at it, hacking it to bits before throwing the pieces away from the circle of trees until nothing but soil was left. She panted with exertion, sweating heavily now. She peeled her outer robes off and moved to the center of the circle. Sweat dripped down her back, over her cheeks. She pushed her hair out of her face with frustration and tied it tighter on top of her head.

Quickly, she began to carve into the soil the ancient runes Fabian had once shown her many, many years ago. As her wand cut them into the dirt, they glowed dimly in the darkness. She moved as fast as she could, steadily carving the symbols into an intricate circle, moving around the space with her wand drawn and incantations muttered under her breath. She turned and turned around, listening carefully still for the sound of the werewolf or any of the forest's other inhabitants.

Finally, she dropped her wand to her side and took a step back. Her Disillusionment Charm had faded sometime during the incantations, but they weren't something one could halt and begin again. She assessed the glowing runes carefully, eyes tracing over them. She could find no mistakes, to her relief. She stepped back farther and listened carefully. She checked the watch on her wrist: it was almost time. She pulled a small vial from her back pocket and uncorked it. A musky odor filled the air. She threw the vial into the center of the circle where it splashed and splattered. She then bent her head back and howled, high and long.

For a long moment, she heard nothing back. She strained her ears through the silence.

_Come here, Remus. Don't you hear me calling you?_

And then she heard it, another responding howl. Her stomach clenched nervously. She stepped back into the dense foliage and raised her wand to her own head, whispering another Disillusionment Charm. She felt it trickle over her coldly as another howl tore through the air, closer this time. Soon, there was galloping feet, snarling, and panting.

And then there was a burst through the trees. Rowan's breath stopped as she saw his large form, looming and drooling and snarling. His empty black eyes searched the space for the one who had been calling him, nose sniffing the air. She had never seen Remus in this form, and though she'd seen many werewolves over the past decade and a half, he was more terrifying, more dangerous than any other. How was this her first glimpse of him in over a decade? Her hands trembled, palms dripping with sweat. She breathed shakily from the bushes, praying that he couldn't smell her fear.

But then his nose caught wind of something - the bottle of animal pheromones Dumbledore had given her. Remus stepped forward curiously towards the vial. She watched him carefully, waiting, waiting.

_Come on, just a little farther,_ she thought. She raised her wand.

Finally, his back leg stepped into the circle, and she shot a beam of light from the tip of her wand. The werewolf yelped with surprise as a great barrier shot up around him. He yelped again as his haunches grazed against the shining walls, pushing him back towards the center of the circle. He thrashed with confusion for a moment before finally realizing he was trapped. His entire body shook angrily. He roared.

Rowan watched from the foliage as he threw himself to and fro, smashing himself against the immovable walls she'd created. This was a particularly bad cycle, she noted with a grimace. An active Mars and Venus - Remus would certainly be feeling the strains of it for days to come. Was he in pain?

Finally, she stepped out of the bushes as the werewolf began to flail tiredly, his adrenaline and anger dripping away. But his lip still curled, baring his gums angrily, bitterly. She stepped toward the barrier slowly, still Disillusioned, but she knew Remus could smell her. His face jerked towards her with a snarl. She didn't move any closer.

His eyes were empty, unseeing, angry drool dripping from his jowls. He snarled and struggled to remain on his feet, but Rowan could see the fatigue beginning to set in. She held his gaze quietly.

"It's been a long time, Remus," she whispered. He simply growled in return.

Rowan sighed tiredly and dropped down to the dirt with a plop. She heard him continue to growl, but she knew that barrier would hold at least until midday if she let it, when he would certainly be back to normal. She kept her gaze on him, trying numbly to instill within herself that this was Remus, beneath the fur and rage. She looked searchingly into the black pools of his eyes and saw no recognition there. She smiled a bit sadly to herself. She took a deep breath. It stretched her lungs painfully.

"Has it really been so long that you don't know my face anymore?" she asked. He continued to stare silently and gave a sharp snorting exhale. Her lips twitched upward bitterly.

She looked up to the fragments of sky above them through the tall, dense trees. Had Harry and Hermione succeeded? Was Sirius safe? Her chest ached longingly as she thought of her godson and her old friend. And Sirius was innocent, after all these years. She could hardly absorb it. Her eyes felt heavy as her exhaustion began to weigh down on her as well. She shook herself and turned back to Remus. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

VI.

Harry was reeling. The lingering heat from his Patronus still remained tight in his chest. He remembered its broad antlers, its proud neck. He'd really produced a Patronus! He thought briefly about how excited Professor Lupin would be once he found out. His throat tightened. Where was he now? Had Rowan really gone to intercept him as Dumbledore had wanted?

But now, he was pushing Hermione onto Buckbeak's back. She grunted slightly with effort as she scrambled on. Then he placed his foot on one of the lower branches of the bush and climbed up in front of her. He pulled Buckbeak's rope back over his neck and tied it to the other side of his collar like reins.

"Ready?" he whispered to Hermione. She squeezed him nervously. He felt her tremble. "You'd better hold on to me."

He nudged Buckbeak's sides with his heels.

With a slight bend at the knee and then a sharp push, Buckbeak soared straight into the dark air. Harry gripped his flanks with his knees, feeling the great wings rising powerfully beneath them. He held on desperately to the creature's neck, trying to steady himself on Buckbeak's pulsating shoulders. Hermione was holding Harry almost painfully. He could hear her muttering, "Oh, no... I don't like this. Oh, I really don't like this!"

Harry urged Buckbeak forward. They were gliding quietly toward the upper floors of the castle. Harry pulled hard on the left-hand side of the rope, and Buckbeak turned. Harry quickly counted the windows - one, two, three...

"Whoa!" he called out suddenly, pulling backward as hard as he could.

Buckbeak slowed down with a sharp beating of his wings, and they found themselves at a wobbly, shaking stop, bouncing in the air unsteadily as Buckbeak tried to remain airborne. Harry strained his eyes and caught sight of a forlorn looking silhouette in the yellow light of the only illuminated Seventh Floor room.

"He's there!" Harry shouted, pointing upward to the light. He reached out, stretching his arm desperately, and as Buckbeak's wings fell, was able to tap sharply on the glass.

Sirius jerked upward. Harry saw his jaw drop dumbly, eyes wide. He leapt from his chair, hurried to the window and tried to open it, but it was locked. His face was frantic.

"Stand back!" Hermione called to him, and she took out her wand, still gripping the back of Harry's robes with her left hand shakily.

_"Alohamora!"_

The window sprang open.

Sirius gaped openly. "How... _How?"_ he asked desperately.

"Get on! There's not much time!" said Harry quickly, gripping Buckbeak firmly on either side of his sleek neck to hold him steady. "You've got to get out of here! The Dementors are coming - Macnair's gone to get them."

Sirius' face blanched at the sound of the Dementors. He quickly placed a hand on either side of the window frame and heaved his head and shoulders out of it. It was very lucky he was so thin. In seconds, he had managed to fling one leg over Buckbeak's back and pull himself onto the Hippogriff behind Hermione.

"Okay, Buckbeak, up!" commanded Harry, shaking the rope. The Hippogriff gave one sweep of its mighty wings and they were soaring upward again, high as the top of the West Tower. Buckbeak landed ungracefully with a clatter on the battlements, and Harry and Hermione scrambled off at once.

"Sirius, you'd better go, quick," Harry panted. "They'll reach Flitwick's office any moment. They'll find out you're gone."

Buckbeak pawed the ground, tossing his sharp head.

"What happened to them - Ron? Remus?" croaked Sirius.

"Ron's going to be okay. He's still out of it, but Madam Pomfrey says he'll be fine. Rowan's gone to intercept Remus, but we don't know where she is right now. Quick, go-"

But Sirius was still gaping. "Rowan's here too?" he asked breathlessly. "How-" Harry opened his mouth to shout at Sirius again, but they were both cut off.

_"Stop where you are."_

Harry, Hermione, and Sirius froze at the cold voice. Harry turned to see a tall woman emerge from the shadows. Her brown hair glinted in the dim light of the moon. Her wand was drawn. Something about her exuded power.

"Mina."

Harry looked up quickly to see Sirius' mouth twisted painfully as he gazed at this woman. His expression was strangely tender, despairing. Harry's brow furrowed with confusion as he looked back towards this new player. She was beautiful and frightening, but her expression didn't hold any of the same tenderness as Sirius'. Her eyes were hard and narrowed, wand steady and raised. Who was this woman?

"Harry, Hermione, step away from that man," she said firmly.

Harry's frown deepened. Did they know her? Hermione stepped forward hesitantly, arms raised.

"Please, ma'am, you don't understand," she said shakily. "He's innocent! You've got the wrong man!"

Harry saw something flicker across the woman's face, but then she drew the tautness back. "What lies have you told them?" she hissed.

Sirius' mouth twisted sadly at her harsh tone. "It's the truth, Minnie," he said softly. "I..." he started shakily. "It was Peter. It was Peter all along. He's alive."

This time, the flickering pause remained on her face. She recoiled visibly at Sirius' words. Harry watched her carefully - so she knew Peter Pettigrew as well. Did that mean she knew Rowan and Remus too?

"You're lying," she croaked. She didn't tremble, but Harry could see the hardness in her facade cracking. He pushed forward.

"It's true!" he said quickly. Her frown deepened. "We saw him tonight! He's an Animagi - a rat! He's been hiding all this time in his Animagi form."

Her gaze hardened again, to his surprise. "Then where is he?" she hissed.

"He's gone - escaped!" Harry explained quickly. Frustration welled up quickly in his chest. "Look, we don't have time here! We have to get him out before the Dementors-"

"Mina, please."

Harry looked up to see Sirius gazing beseechingly at this woman. Mina was her name? Harry looked back and noticed the Auror insignia on her robes. How did they know each other?

"Please," he whispered. "I can't die here, not yet. I have to find him. Once I find Peter, you can throw me back into Azkaban. You can execute me or give me to the Dementors, but I have to do this. _Please_."

Harry stared with mild horror as his godfather begged this woman. Who was she? She held such a powerful grip on him with barely even a word. He looked back towards her. She was cracking. Her lips had begun to tremble, eyes still glued to Sirius' face. They stood in silence for several moments, completely lost to Harry and Hermione. Harry was about to argue against her once more when she spoke:

"Fine."

Harry stared hard, wondering if he'd imagined it. Her lips had barely moved, but then her gaze wavered, lips twisting. His eyes widened as he saw her eyes fill with tears, though they didn't fall. Her expression then drew up fiercely, and he felt that power flow from her again in waves.

"But once you catch him, I won't hesitate to hunt you down. Do you understand me? This does not make you a free man, Sirius," she said heatedly. Sirius stared dumbly for a moment before his face stretched into a broad smile. Harry marveled at the sudden youth in his face, the brightness of his eyes. He was suddenly that young man again at his best friend's wedding. Harry had obviously missed something that these two had said silently to each other. Sirius then turned to Harry, still beaming.

"Tell Rowan and Remus thank you for me - won't you, Harry?" Sirius called. Harry nodded and smiled.

"I will!"

Sirius shot him another bright grin - still young-faced and exuberant. He then turned back to the tall woman that stood behind them. His smile softened.

"I'll come back for you, Mina. I promise," he said earnestly. Harry marveled at the gentle tone of his voice. He seemed like a completely different man.

The woman's gaze was averted with a trembling lip, but she didn't respond. Her blue eyes were so wide, disbelieving, staring hard at Buckbeak's feet, which were no dangling in the air. Sirius' smile deepened, and then he looked back to Harry for the last time.

"We'll see each other again," he said happily. Harry's chest was tight as he stared up into his godfather's face. "You are... truly your father's son, Harry." Harry beamed up at him.

Sirius shot both him and the woman another smile and then patted Buckbeak on the neck. The Hippogriff let out a cry and then with a great sweep of his wings, pushed off into the night. The three watched them disappear quickly into the horizon, becoming smaller and smaller with every beat of Buckbeak's wings until, finally, they could barely see even a speck of them. They were gone.

* * *

VII.

It was bright and red behind Remus' eyes.

Was it morning already? He couldn't recall falling asleep. He couldn't recall going to bed even. This bed didn't feel right, didn't smell right, and yet it felt so familiar. He'd been here before, but he couldn't remember when or how. Where was he?

Every fiber in his body ached. Why was he in so much pain? He wanted to move his head away from this excruciating light. It was blinding him even with his eyes closed. He felt his face struggle into a grimace, though he couldn't even turn his head. A sharp stinging flashed across his cheek.

Something cool then grazed his face. It was wet and soft and soothing. Water. Who…?

"Remus."

What a beautiful sound. It was a breath, a whisper. Some of the tension in his shoulders melted away. Something warm brushed over his hand, slowly, hesitantly. He flexed his fingers, testing the muscles and joints there. The warmth settled over his hand softly, and he sighed. His fingers closed around it naturally, as if he were meant to hold it.

A hand – he suddenly understood it was a hand.

Something grazed over his face again, but this time, it was another warm flutter coated with a cool sticky resin. Fingers trailed over the stinging line across his face, sliding along it with a fragrant smelling concoction – something at once cool and warm and green like peppermint and spring. Its scent filled his nostrils gently, unassumingly. He heard that beautiful sound again. It murmured small and unintelligible, and the dull stinging on his cheek was slowly filled with a comforting chill, like ice on a summer day. More tension left his shoulders. His head felt so heavy, as if he were falling to the bottom of the ocean.

The hand tightened slightly around his. He tried hard to squeeze back, but his fingers barely seemed to move at all. A dull twinge of frustration spread through his chest softly.

"Doesn't seem like you'll have any new scars," the voice murmured quietly. He wanted to wrap himself in that voice and sleep forever.

But he desperately wanted to see that voice, this hand. He struggled to open his eyes, though they felt as if they were weighed down with all of the water of the lake.

The lake – he'd seen it last night, hadn't he? He tried desperately to remember.

Finally, he managed to creak his eyes open, only to squeeze them shut again. It was so bright! Flashes of white and yellow burned behind his eyelids as he attempted to steady his eyes. He heard a shifting of cloth and the clicking of light metal against metal. The red glow darkened. He sighed in relief and grit himself again. He opened his eyes.

For a moment, he was blind. Floating bits of light cracked through his vision. For a few seconds, it was pure delirium. Slowly, the world around him seemed to come into focus. There was something dark and light and warm. It was so warm.

"Rowan."

It couldn't even be considered a whisper. He wasn't even sure if he'd said it, but the answering smile on her lips told him that she'd heard it. It seemed to cradle all of the loneliness he'd felt for the past twelve and a half years. Had it really been that long?

His chest ached. A tear he didn't know had been building slipped from the corner of his eye. It crept slowly down the side of his face like a drop of rain. It fell onto the mattress silently. She held her smile. He felt her hand squeeze his.

"This must be a dream," he whispered.

The weight of her smile deepened. "Maybe," she replied softly. He wanted to touch those lips.

Remus' eyes trailed over her form slowly. Her dark hair glowed red and orange in the bright light like a quiet fire. How many times had he dreamt of her? How many times had he thought of the quiet mornings from their school days when she had come to see him here?

Her face held heavier lines than the last time he'd seen her. Her hair held a few strands of gray. She looked much older – much more like a woman than the girl of his memories – but the gleam in her eyes remained the same. The warmth of her smile was the same. She was still so painfully beautiful. The ache deepened.

"I miss you," he breathed. Another tear slipped.

Her eyes melted sadly. A few new lines that he didn't remember crinkled around her eyes. She brought her right hand up to his face slowly. It was so warm. She thumbed the slow tear away.

"I know," she whispered.

Remus' head felt so heavy. He could feel his eyes beginning to droop again as sleep threatened to overtake him, but he fought it desperately. He wanted to stay here in this dream. He wanted to stay with her. He pressed his cheek firmly to her warm palm.

"Sleep."

Fear settled into his chest. "Will you stay here with me?" he asked. He was nearly begging. His eyes continued to droop downward.

Her smile seemed much sadder than any expression he'd ever seen. "I'll be here while you sleep," she whispered. She squeezed his hand reassuringly and ran the fingers of the other through his hair. It was more soothing than any lullaby.

As his eyes began to fall and his head swam with sleep, he burned the image of her glowing form into his mind. _Remember_, he commanded himself. He wanted onto hold this dream in his heart. He wanted to hold onto her. His eyes closed.

"I love you."

* * *

Remus' eyes opened. His limbs ached dully, and something stung at his side, though it felt cool and sticky with something wet. The bright light and white walls of the Hospital Wing were gone, replaced with the stone walls of his quarters on the Third Floor. He gazed around the ceiling and the old walls before realizing that the warmth in his hand from the dream was gone. He turned his head slowly, craning his sore neck. A lone wooden chair stood next to his bed – empty. He stared hard at it, eyes straining as if trying to remember a vital part of it that was missing. He felt as if he were to look hard enough, he might catch a remnant of the dream that had already whispered away.

But then his gaze lingered - not on the chair, but on the mattress by his shoulder. The warmth in his hand was gone, but it reemerged in his chest, behind his eyes.

A long strand of dark hair lay on the mattress. It smelled like peppermint and spring.


	15. Hello Again

**A/N: DOUBLE POST.**

WEEE! ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

**REVIEW ME!**

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (1999). _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**August 8, 1993**

_Dear Remus,_

_I saw Harry again today. He's staying in Diagon Alley after that dreadful experience with his aunt and uncle - I'm sure Dumbledore's told you already. It makes my blood boil when I think of those awful people speaking poorly of James and Lily. Honestly, I take some strange pride in the fact that I've been able to keep myself from storming into that house and just taking Harry all this time. I often have vivid fantasies about the harsh words I'd have for horse-faced Tuney Dursley and fat-headed, purple Vernon. They all end with them coughing up slugs. I'd love to see that pristine little sitting room of theirs covered in slime and vomit. _

_Harry's been here for a few days now, staying at the Leaky Cauldron. I've essentially been following him around for the past three or so days - pathetic, isn't it? I know I should be working, but with the thought of him so close, I can't seem to find any focus at all. I know I'll have to go back to work at the end of the week when our patients start coming in for the Wolfsbane, but for now, I keep reasoning that Claire can handle the shop on her own. I'm still not quite certain why she insists on remaining my apprentice when she's had her Potioneer license for four years now, but I suppose I can't complain about having the extra help around still. I do think I'd miss having her here were she to choose to leave._

_Tom the innkeeper has been incredibly helpful in my stalking. I think he's been enjoying it, to be honest. I've volunteered to pay for Harry's stay at the Leaky Cauldron - funny how he thinks it's free - and Tom's been keeping tabs on him for me. He even slipped Lily's old quill into his things the other day at my request. Do you remember it, the gold one? James gave it to her for her 17th birthday. I spotted Harry writing his History of Magic essay with it today. I can't tell you how happy I was._

_He's much smaller than I'd hoped he'd be. I've been able to catch glimpses of him every so often at Platform 9 3/4 over the years, but I'm able to see now with him so close just how small he is. James was certainly very skinny at that age, but not quite as small as Harry. If he doesn't have a growth spurt soon, I might send a Bludger through the Dursleys' window for malnourishing him. I suppose you were still quite small at that age, and you ended up being the tallest out of all of us, so perhaps maybe there's still hope for him. I can't imagine Harry being taller than Ron, but perhaps he'll sprout up soon._

_He's been spending his afternoons wandering the neighborhood and doing homework outside of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. I have to say I'm quite relieved to see that he has a monstrous appetite. I've started a tab with Florean for Harry's ice cream as well, and my wallet has been feeling much lighter as a result - he ate five deluxe sundaes in one sitting yesterday! It's kind of amusing how oblivious Harry is in regards to money. I can kind of understand now why Dumbledore wanted to keep him out of the spotlight all this time - I imagine Harry would have gotten used to these sorts of privileges. I'm sure it would have been hard for him to remain humble if there had been people consistently giving him special treatment._

_I've also seen him going back to Quality Quidditch Supplies everyday since arriving, just staring at the new Firebolt that just came out. Oh, I wish you could see the way his face lights up at the mere sight of it! If I'd had any doubts about him being James' son, that certainly did away with them. I'm tempted to buy it for him, but it's so damn expensive. I also hear he's got a Nimbus 2000 already from Minerva, so it'd be a bit excessive to buy him another racing broom, right? It seems silly to think that I'm teaching a lesson in prudence when he doesn't even know me, but I can't shake that motherly feeling. It's laughable, isn't it?_

_Congratulations, by the way - Dumbledore told me recently that you've been appointed as the new DADA professor at Hogwarts! I'm sure the students will love you. I still remember how good you were with Peter and the younger students. Peter was pretty rubbish at Charms, if I remember correctly. I was always amazed at how quickly he picked spells up after a few minutes with you. I'm certain your pupils will learn just as fast under your tutelage. This also means you actually get to meet Harry - I'll admit I'm quite envious. I'm sure he'll love you as well._

_Anyway, this cauldron of gnome repellant is about to boil over. Damn, it smells putrid. No matter how long it's been, I can't seem to get used to it. One would think that my scent receptors would have burned away by now, but it's still as terrible as ever. I suppose it comes with the profession._

_Good luck on your first day, Professor. I'm sure you'll do great._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 14: Hello Again**

I.

Remus looked about his office, which was now nearly bare. The bright light of the June morning spilled in onto the stark tables and shelves that remained. He looked around with a tightness in his chest - so goes another job, the only one he'd ever really wanted. He tried desperately not to think of what he'd have to do next, when he'd find another. He looked back down on the parchment that was spread out on his desk. He saw a black dot labeled _Harry Potter_ moving towards him quickly.

Right on cue, there was a knock on the door. Remus looked up and smiled to see Harry looking into the room with a troubled expression.

"I saw you coming," he said, gesturing to the map; however, Harry made no gesture to indicate he'd even heard him.

"I just saw Hagrid," Harry blurted. "And he said you've resigned. It's not true, is it?" Remus kept the smile plastered to his face. He couldn't get upset in front of Harry.

"I'm afraid it is," he said. He started opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.

"Why?" said Harry. "The Ministry of Magic doesn't think you were helping Sirius, does it?"

Lupin crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.

"No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives." He sighed. "That was the final straw for Severus. I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he - er - accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast."

Harry's face contorted angrily. "You're not leaving just because of that!" he argued. Lupin smiled wryly. He thought of Rowan's indignation when he'd resigned from his position at the I.C.E. thirteen years before. They were much more similar than he'd have expected, considering the time spent apart.

"This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents. They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry, and after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you. That must never happen again." He turned his face down again and hoped that Harry didn't catch the dark look that had sprung up momentarily as he thought of the terrible night in May of his Fifth Year. He didn't need to relive that memory now.

"You're the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had!" said Harry. "Don't go!"

Remus' stomach clenched painfully, but he shook his head silently. Harry's words stabbed deeply. He didn't trust his own voice. He carried on emptying his drawers. But then a thought popped into his head, a conversation he'd held with Dumbledore earlier that morning about what had occurred the night before.

"From what the Headmaster told me this morning, you saved a lot of lives last night, Harry. If I'm proud of anything I've done this year, it's how much you've learned," he said genuinely. "Tell me about your Patronus."

Harry perked up at this, frowning. "How do you know about that?" he asked. Remus smiled.

"What else could have driven the Dementors back?"

Harry's face stretched into a broad grin. Remus listened to his excited ramblings about the Dementors and the lake, about how he'd thought it was his father at first, only to realize that it was, in fact, his own Patronus. And a stag of all things - Remus grinned.

"Yes, your father was always a stag when he transformed," he said happily. "You guessed right - that's why we called him Prongs."

Remus then threw the last of his books into his enchanted suitcase and snapped it shut cleanly. But when he turned back, Harry was looking at him with a searching look again.

"Professor Lupin, if you and my dad were such good friends, then you know Rowan - you know my godmother, too, right?" he asked tentatively.

Remus' chest clenched. He looked at Harry, who was gazing up at him intently. He thought of the long strand of hair that had been on his pillows upon waking after the full moon, of the faint images of her from his almost-dream. He gave him a small smile.

"I do," he said. "I did," he corrected thoughtfully. Harry frowned.

"What's that mean?"

Remus smiled contritely. "I think that's best for her to explain," he said. Harry's expression fell.

"But..." he started, "But I can't... She doesn't want to see me."

Remus laughed at this. Harry looked at him with confusion and some hurt. Remus grinned apologetically at his sudden lack of composure.

"Trust me, Harry, that couldn't be any further from the truth," he said, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. Harry frowned. "I haven't seen her for a long time, but I can promise you that she loves you more than anything. I don't know what's led you to believe that she doesn't, but I know for a fact that she's been watching over you for many, many years, even if you never knew it."

Remus' words seemed to sink into Harry slowly. He watched the boy's face twist around the idea before finally settling into a small smile. He nodded shyly.

"And can you tell me then... about Sirius and Mina? I think that's what her name was," he said quietly. Remus frowned.

"How do you know about Mina?" he asked.

Harry explained the secret encounter with the mysterious Auror in the West Tower, how she'd cornered them and then let Sirius go, how she'd made Harry and Hermione swear to never reveal that they'd seen her and then disappeared without a trace. Remus smiled slightly as he realized that Harry had, in fact, just done that by confiding in him, but his ears were warm with the knowledge that Harry trusted him enough. And to think that Mina had let Sirius go - maybe there was more to be happy about in this situation than had first been apparent.

"Mina is Major General of the Aurors at the Ministry," he explained. Harry frowned.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Aurors are Dark wizard hunters for the Ministry - kind of like a mix between a detective and MI agent in Muggle terms, depending on one's rank. Mina is obviously upper ranked, so her work is of higher intensity," Remus explained. Harry's eyes widened with awe. "Anyway, Mina, James, and Sirius all began at the Auror Academy together when we were young. She certainly moved up in the ranks faster than they did though," he said amusedly, thinking back to the way James and Sirius had pouted at Moody's obvious favoritism for the diligent young woman.

Harry gaped openly. "My dad and Sirius were Aurors too?" he breathed with wonder. Remus could see the adventure flashing through Harry's mind with an inward grimace. What had he just started?

"Yes, so when your parents died and Sirius was arrested, you can imagine how difficult it was for Mina," he said. Harry nodded again with a frown.

"They were together, weren't they?" he asked. Remus nodded grimly.

"Yes, they were about to be engaged when it all happened," he said sadly. But then he smiled softly. "I was worried about them - Mina had been the most determined out of all of us to see him put to justice - but if she was able to let him go, then perhaps she'll be able to forgive him fully someday."

Harry's frown deepened. "I don't understand," he said. Remus smiled.

"Ask Rowan to explain that to you, too," he said. Harry nearly scowled.

Remus' smile broadened. He then looked down and reached into his robes. His fingers clutched the familiar slinky material of the Invisibility Cloak.

"Here - I brought this from the Shrieking Shack last night," he said, handing Harry back his father's keepsake. That wasn't quite the truth - he'd actually found it on his desk when he'd woken. Whoever had brought him back up to the castle must have retrieved it from the Shrieking Shack. Something at the back of his mind told him that person was Rowan. "And..." He hesitated, then reached for the Marauder's Map. He folded it up neatly and then held out for Harry, too. "I am no longer your teacher, so I don't feel guilty about giving you back this as well. It's no use to me, and I daresay you, Ron, and Hermione will find uses for it."

Harry took the map and matched his grin.

"You told me Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would've wanted to lure me out of school - that they'd have thought it was funny."

"And so we would have," Remus said, now reaching to grab his suitcase. "I have no hesitation in saying that James would have been highly disappointed if his son had never found any of the secret passages out of the castle." Harry beamed.

There was a knock on the door. Remus saw Harry hastily stuff his cloak and map into his robes. It was Professor Dumbledore. He didn't look surprised to see Harry there. His eyes flickered to Harry, twinkling knowingly.

"Your carriage is at the gates, Remus," he said.

"Actually, I won't be needing it, Headmaster," he said. He picked up his old suitcase and the empty Grindylow tank and then looked back up at the older man with a smile. "I have some business I need to take care of first in the village," he said. He thought of warm eyes and that long strand of hair. His stomach tightened nervously. He'd waited long enough, hadn't he? The Headmaster's face melted with understanding. He smiled warmly at Remus and nodded. Remus then turned back to Harry.

"Well, goodbye, Harry," he said, smiling. "It has been a real pleasure teaching you. I am sure we'll meet again very soon." Harry nodded, smiling brightly. Remus then turned back to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, there is no need to see me to the gates. I can manage."

Remus couldn't risk having the Headmaster seeing him get emotional. He needed to leave quickly.

"Goodbye, then, Remus," said Dumbledore soberly. Remus shifted the Grindylow tank slightly so that he and Dumbledore could shake hands. They shared a warm silence. Then, with a final nod to Harry and a swift smile, Remus stepped out of his office for the last time, willing the pain in his chest to fade away. He turned his face upward to the high windows of the castle corridors and breathed deeply. He felt the weight of the small vial of green serum against his chest in his robes and smiled faintly. He wondered if she'd be surprised to see him.

* * *

II.

"... So it is safe to assume that Black will be moving east in the coming months. We predict Scandinavia."

Cornelius Fudge nodded seriously as Kingsley Shacklebolt completed his report with Mina Surrey standing at his side. The Minister of Magic took in the information slowly and then nodded.

"I see. Very well. We will simply have to be in communication with the Swedes and Danes then," he said. He sighed, fingering the rim of his lime green bowler hat. "We'll have to get Barty Crouch to help out with that. I'm afraid my Swedish is quite awful," he said.

Mina nodded, grimacing inside at the thought of dealing with her former superior and the current Head of International Magical Cooperation. She'd been very glad to see him transferred to another department years ago, but it seemed she could never be completely rid of him.

"Understood, sir. Will you be needing anything else?" Kingsley said calmly. Fudge shook his head.

"No, that will be all. Keep me updated and send the report to Crouch with a request for assistance. Dismissed."

As Mina and Kingsley parted ways after their meeting with the Minister, she felt that dull ache once again - the one that had reemerged the year before, when _he_ had escaped. She realized almost bitterly that he had escaped yet again - and even worse, he'd escaped with her assistance. It brought another feeling to her chest, a different kind of tension she couldn't pinpoint exactly. What was it?

She'd relived that moment on the roof of Hogwarts castle over and over again over the past few days, tossing and turning through sleepless nights. It had started with a slight discomfort, slowly expanding at the pit of her stomach until it was a resounding ache that she couldn't describe. Over the past year, she'd caught Rowan's strange habit of staring out the window and realized somewhat angrily that it was with longing. She couldn't help but resent Remus even more - she understood now that each time her best friend gazed out onto the street, she was probably thinking about the light-haired man and realized even more sourly that she was beginning to do the same.

She stepped into her office with a great sigh and gazed around tiredly. There were stacks of parchment strewn across her desk and various whirring objects floating and spinning around the room quietly. The bright light of the June morning spilled in almost blindingly from her window, glinting off of the gold metallic instruments. The small white beams of light held her gaze numbly.

_Thunk!_

Mina jumped with shock as something slammed against the window hard with a slight shriek. She rushed forward with her wand drawn. What on earth-

Mina released a relieved breath as the gray ball flew upward again to be eye level with her. It was the tiniest of owls, flapping its wings furiously to remain airborne. It looked extremely eager and almost proud of itself, despite having just run into the glass hard enough to gain a concussion. In its beak appeared to be two envelopes, both of which seemed too big for its tiny frame. She frowned - any normal postage would have come through the Ministry system - before opening the window hesitantly. The small owl shot inside enthusiastically and faceplanted with another _thunk_ onto her desk. She smiled with some exasperation as it rolled over clumsily to right itself again with a little hoot and hop.

She moved towards the desk and leaned over to pet the little owl gently on the head. It hooted again and awkwardly thrust the letters into her hand. She took the one that said "_Mina,"_ though the owl jumped almost angrily as she tried to take the second. She frowned as she read the name on it: "_Harry."_

Before she could even open the letter, the owl hopped up again with the other and shot out of the window once more. She stared after it dumbly. It disappeared into the distance as quickly as it had come. She sighed heavily and squeezed her nose bridge tiredly - she felt another headache coming on - before turning back to the letter.

The handwriting was messy, clumsy, as if the writer hadn't held a quill in a very long time, but it looked strangely familiar. She frowned deeply. It couldn't be.

With a trembling hand, she opened the envelope delicately. She pulled out the letter within with a held breath and felt the heavy weight of many sheets of parchment - a very long letter indeed. For a long moment, she could only stare at the folded pieces, willing her hands to still. When she realized they would continue to tremble, she unfolded the letter just as delicately as she had with the envelope. Inside, she was greeted with the deep voice she'd known so many years ago. The ink smeared beneath her fingers wetly as her tears fell to join the words he'd painstakingly written.

* * *

III.

It was hot, a bright June day in the village of Hogsmeade. The town was nearly silent now that all the students were gone for the summer. A tall young man with light brown hair and shabby robes walked down the warm street, hands trembling slightly with effort. Finally, he came to the shop he'd been looking for - an apothecary with golden orange wood and shining windows filled with an array of glass bottles and vials. Across the glass was painted "DD&B Potions" in gold lettering.

Would she be there? His stomach was a torrent of nausea. He suddenly felt a great wave of regret for having waited a few days to come and see her. The sun felt much hotter suddenly, hands sweating nervously. He flexed his fingers, willing their clamminess to subside, before taking a deep breath. He could do this. He had to do this. It was time.

He stepped forward and pushed open the door. A bell chimed overhead, clear and high. But as he stepped into the apothecary, he released a breath - there was no one there. He'd expected to see her face immediately, to be attacked with a barrage of memories, but there was just the quiet presence of the glittering potions around him. He stepped into the cool air with some relief. That clear, fresh scent filled his nose. He thought of autumn sun and bright early mornings.

"Hello?" he called out carefully.

"One second!" he heard from the back room. He frowned. That wasn't her voice.

A blonde woman appeared suddenly, smiling brightly, but as soon as she saw his face, she squeaked and clapped a hand to her mouth. Her face turned bright red.

"Y-You-" she sputtered. "R-Rowan... Rowan is-" He smiled awkwardly, chest tight at the sound of her name. He cleared his throat.

"Is she here?" he asked softly. The young woman shook her head frantically.

"No, the train- Harry-" she stammered. Remus' eyes widened. He then smiled and nodded in understanding. He really should have come that first day he'd left the castle instead of letting his nerves get the best of him. But it was about time, he thought. He wished he could see the smile on her face as she finally met her godson again. He then turned back to the young woman and looked at her carefully. Long pale hair; massive, round, blue eyes; a tiny heart-shaped mouth - didn't he know her?

"You..." he started, eyebrows furrowed. "You were one of Rowan's students at Hogwarts," he said carefully. The young woman's face burned even brighter. He recalled a small girl, face blushing furiously under his teasing grin. "Claire," he realized. She smiled shyly and nodded.

"C-can I- I mean- Would you like some tea?" she offered. Remus smiled. She hadn't change one bit.

"Tea sounds lovely," he said. She nodded, smiling brightly at him before setting into the cupboards for cups and the kettle. As he settled into the stool at the counter, he looked around, marveling at the wide array of brightly colored potions and shining vials that lined the shelves. He saw her touch everywhere and was reminded of those golden butterflies that had filled his father's house on Christmas. He smiled and turned back to the young woman across the counter.

She'd grown since the last time he saw her. He could hardly believe this young woman was the same twelve year-old he'd once teased in those quiet study rooms. He remembered her sputtering blush, the adoring smiles she'd aimed at Rowan. A warmth spread through his limbs - clearly, not much had changed.

"So you're Rowan's apprentice," he said quietly. He saw her smile happily to herself. She nodded, eyes still on the heating kettle. "How long?" he asked.

"Hmm... about eleven years now," she said, still smiling. "She keeps telling me I should go off on my own or find another master to expand my horizons, but I just can't bring myself to. I can't imagine working for anyone else." Remus nodded and smiled. He thought of Rowan's patient gaze, of her ready laughter. This woman's adoration for Rowan had obviously only grown over the years.

"Will you tell me? Of the person Rowan is now?"

Claire's eyes widened. She turned to stare at him for a moment, dumbstruck. Her face then melted, and she beamed at him.

"What do you want to know?"

* * *

IV.

As Harry got off the train, he was greeted once again with the loud chatter of parents greeting his fellow students; however, instead of the dull ache in his chest he usually had upon disembarking for the summer, he felt giddy with anticipation, hand still clutching the letter from Sirius. Harry spotted Uncle Vernon at once. He was standing a good distance from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, eyeing them suspiciously, and when Mrs. Weasley hugged Harry in greeting, his worst suspicions about them seemed confirmed.

"I'll call about the World Cup!" Ron yelled after Harry as Harry bid him and Hermione good-bye, then wheeled the trolley bearing his trunk and Hedwig's cage toward Uncle Vernon, who greeted him in his usual fashion.

"What's that?" he snarled, staring at the envelope Harry was still clutching in his hand. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another-"

"It's not," said Harry cheerfully. "It's a letter from my godfather."

"Godfather?" sputtered Uncle Vernon. "You haven't got a godfather!"

"I do!" said Harry smugly. "In fact-"

"He's got a godmother, too, actually."

The grin on Harry's face fell as heard that voice. He turned quickly to see a familiar woman standing behind him, messy hair tied high upon her head and amber eyes glowing happily at him. His stomach clenched at the sight of her gentle smile. Was it really her?

He then heard a strange choking sound. He turned to see Uncle Vernon staring wide-eyed and horrified at Rowan. She smiled pleasantly enough, but Harry detected a certain chill in her gaze as she stared at the older man. He felt his face stretch into a grin again.

"Uncle Vernon, this is Rowan, my godmother. She was my dad's godsister. She researches werewolves!" he piped up. Uncle Vernon's face turned a strange shade of red, eyes bulging at her.

"And then there's Sirius, who's on the run right now. He's a fugitive from the wizarding prison, wanted for mass murder," Rowan said cheerily. Harry nearly laughed at the shade of maroon Uncle Vernon turned. Rowan stepped up next to Harry and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. She smiled warmly at him - his stomach lurched nervously - and then pressed her cheek to his affectionately. He hoped she couldn't feel the intense heat burning through his skin. He felt like he could die happy.

"I'll be checking in on him every so often, as will Sirius I'm sure, so I figured it'd be prudent for me to come and introduce myself," she said, straightening back up properly. She extended a hand to Uncle Vernon, who took it dazedly. But then her grin took on a somewhat sinister look. "Though I'll admit that I've been watching him for many, many years now, from the shadows and sidelines. But you can rest assured that I'll be a major player in Harry's life from now on," she said lowly.

Uncle Vernon's face was now purple. He looked as if he'd swallowed his own tongue with rage, sputtering dumbly on his spit. Rowan smiled pleasantly again.

"How about you go wait in the car? I'll bring Harry out after we've had a little chat," she suggested lightly. Uncle Vernon's entire body seemed to seize with anger, but finally, he nodded.

"Don't dawdle, boy!" he shouted suddenly into Harry's face and then spun and made a quick path for the exit. Harry looked up to see Rowan watching the portly man go with a spark of mirth in her eyes. Harry felt the pinch in his stomach again as he took in her profile and the heat of her hand, which still rested on his shoulder. His face was hot, heart pounding in his head. All he'd been able to think about when remembering her over the past few months was her contained anger, her quiet threats. His stomach still churned sickeningly as he thought to the disappointed, pained look in her face. Without the shared target of Uncle Vernon, the anxiety returned.

But now she was here beside him, and there was no trace of those cold moments, of that harsh disappointment. She turned and smiled warmly at him, eyes dancing in the bright sunlight. He felt a knot at the back of his throat. Her arm unwound from his frame, placing her hands on his shoulders and turning him to look at her fully. His cheeks burned. She was here - _for him._

Her eyes scanned over his face thoroughly. He felt as if she were prying through his very psyche, into the deepest recesses of his heart. Her grip was firm and warm on his shoulders, and her eyes held his almost forcefully. He felt so exposed under her scrutiny, but he couldn't be sure if he disliked it. Her gaze was so kind. It filled him with a floating warmth. He felt as if he could levitate to the sky.

"Do you remember me now?" she asked softly.

Harry wanted to laugh and cry at once. He felt his lips tremble for a moment before pulling up into a broad grin. His head nodded eagerly on its own. She seemed to breathe with relief. An incredibly bright smile spread across her face.

"I can't believe I ever forgot!" he said. The fire in her eyes danced brightly. She laughed freely, a clear ringing sound. He heard it sing of happier times, of times passed and times to come.

Her arms then collapsed around him quickly, engulfing him in her embrace. Though small, her grip was quite strong. She was so warm, so substantial.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that," she whispered. She held him to her even tighter, if possible, but Harry relished the feeling. His arms reached up to hold her back. She was here, his father's best friend, his godmother. And she was happy to see him, just as he'd hoped she'd be.


	16. The Summer of Reunion

**A/N: ** ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THIS. Actually, it's really not that exciting - kinda anticlimactic - but Rowan x Remus are a quiet sizzle, not a loud bang, right?

**MaeveDevine:** Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked how I went about their reunion, though it'll probably come slowly from here.

**missalex3030: **You're totally right about the speed in the first part, as always. I might go back and rewrite it eventually, but I was so eager to finally get the exciting parts out that I rushed through it... But thank you for the critiques! I really do appreciate them and keep them in mind when I write. Sorry for continuing to torment you haha.

**SMGF1:** Thank you as always! Remus and Rowan... this chapter...?

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Haha sorry for the tease, but maybe in this chapter...? And I'm writing you some critiques right now! I'll be sending those back your way very soon. AND THANK YOU FOR THE SHOUTOUT! You should've seen my stupid grin when I read that. XD

**Nikos Pyrr:** I love that you're loving Mina! And I'm so happy you liked the scene between Rowan and Harry. I might be more excited about their relationship than Rowan and Remus' haha. Thank you again, as always! I hope you're doing well too!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**July 31, 1994**

_Dear Rowan,_

_Thanks so much for the new Quidditch gear! I love that they're Gryffindor colors. They fit perfectly too! I can't tell you how difficult it's been trying to practice in Dudley's old clothes. I've had to wear my actual uniform a few times while practicing out of sheer need for practice gear, but I always feel bad making the House Elves wash it for me again and again. I'd always really liked Wood's stuff, but I never really knew where to buy it. I can't wait for the season to start so I can start wearing all of it. _

_Oh, thanks also for the amazing cake! I'd never had strawberry cake before. I think it might be my favorite now. I almost got caught with some of the cream on my face by Aunt Petunia actually the other day, but I managed to convince her that I'd begun shaving, which is completely untrue. She seemed to buy it though, luckily. I think the lack of calories from this new diet is making them all even slower than usual. I'm still not quite sure what charms you all have been using to keep the cakes good without refrigeration though. Can you show that one to me the next time?_

_Something funny happened today - Mrs. Weasley sent a letter to my aunt and uncle asking if they could take me to the World Cup. I haven't seen Uncle Vernon turn that purple since you brought me home from the orphanage covered in mud two weeks ago. The envelope was _covered_ in stamps. I know that probably doesn't mean much to you. The way postage works in the Muggle world is that for every letter or package, a certain amount of postage needs to be paid, which is indicated by the stamps pressed to the parcel. But since this was just a letter, it really only needed one. It looked absolutely ridiculous. I wish I had a way of sending you a photo of it. _

_They said no at first, but then I mentioned you and Sirius. Their answer changed right away after that. I might have failed to mention to them that you only study werewolves like a Muggle scientist would study regular wolves or like a chemist or something and that you're not training werewolves or are one yourself. It's been a lot of fun watching their scared faces though, so I hope you don't mind that I'm pretending you're a crazy beast tamer of some sort._

_Speaking of werewolves, I've been meaning to ask - what's your relationship with Professor Lupin like? I tried to ask him before he left Hogwarts, but he told me to ask you about it. Also, Mina and Sirius - Sirius keeps telling me to ask you about that too. It's pretty annoying, actually. Why are you the only one who tells me anything? You all used to be such good friends, from what I can tell, and you and Mina still seem to be close, so I don't get why Professor Lupin says he "used" to know you but doesn't anymore. Did you two have a falling out?_

_Anyway, Ron and his dad are coming to get me tomorrow at 5 o'clock tomorrow, and I'll be with them for the rest of the summer. Will you be around? Ron says you drop by the Burrow every once in a while. Did you know I was there at the end of last summer? It'd be really cool if you could come hang out while I'm there, though I'm sure you're really busy with work and stuff. Either way, I'm really glad to be leaving Privet Drive, and even if I don't see you at the Burrow, I'll be able to see you in Hogsmeade this year!_

_Thanks again for all the birthday presents, though I felt bad seeing Anfa weighed down with all of that stuff. Maybe it's time to retire her - she seems pretty old. Tell Mina and your mum thank you for all the sweets. I don't think I'll be able to finish all of them for another month, which I guess is another reason it's good I'm going to the Burrow. I'm sure Ron and the others will be more than happy to share them with me._

_Oh, also, I don't think it's a big deal, but my scar hurt tonight. Really bad, actually. I don't suppose you know anything about magical scars, right? Can you think of any reason for it to still be hurting even now? Again, it's no big deal. I'm sure it was just a bad dream or something. _

_Hope to see you soon!_

_- Harry_

* * *

**Chapter 15: The Summer of Reunion**

I.

Rowan stepped into the large hall of Hogwarts Castle again for the first time in a month with a soft smile. The high ceilings greeted her and Mina grandly as they entered. They both breathed deeply of their old school before turning for the stairs, heading for the Headmaster's office.

After the events of June, Rowan and Mina had known that it was just a matter of time before Dumbledore called them to gather once more. Knowing the truth of what had happened at Godric's Hollow all those years ago and the fact that the traitor still roamed free was unsettling to say the least. Rowan felt a darkness looming on the horizon. Would this prophecy also ring true? She shuddered at the thought.

She and Mina finally made it to the Headmaster's office with a fond smile, forcing the darkness from her mind. They stood in front of the gargoyle statue together, assessing it for a moment.

"Did you ever get sent here when we were kids?" she asked Mina with a crooked grin. Mina raised an eyebrow.

"Are you asking me seriously, or do you just want to make fun of me for being a prude?" she asked back dryly. Rowan's grin spread.

"Well, the latter, of course," she said cheekily. Mina shook her head but laughed lightly at her friend's well-intended jabs.

"Sugar quill," the Auror said. The statue then leapt to the side, revealing the spiral staircase leading to the Headmaster's office. Rowan gestured grandly with a bow for Mina to enter first. She rolled her eyes and led the way.

As they walked up the stairs, they heard the quiet sound of masculine voices. They both rumbled deeply - certainly not Dumbledore or McGonagall's. Who-

Rowan's breath stopped. There were two men standing in the center of the room. One was Kingsley Shacklebolt, General of the Aurors. He smiled calmly as he always did. The other had light hair and a long scar that ran up the left side of his jaw. They both turned. The younger man's gaze melted at the sight of the shorter of the two women.

"Hello, Rowan," Remus greeted softly.

* * *

"Do you have any word on Pettigrew's location?"

Kingsley nodded. "He was last seen headed east. I think it's safe to say that he'll be reuniting with the Dark Lord in Albania," he said solemnly. Dumbledore nodded.

"Very well. I will contact a few colleagues on the continent to expand our network, put our allies on alert. As for us who have gathered here," he said, looking around at the room, "I ask that you remain on alert as well. There is no need to go on the defense yet, but I believe it best that we are all aware of the dangers looming ahead. Mina and Kingsley will redirect the Ministry's search for Sirius." The two Aurors nodded. Remus looked carefully at Mina. He saw her gaze falter for a moment and wondered what she could be thinking.

"Remus."

Remus almost jumped with surprise and felt his ears burn with embarrassment at having been caught off guard. The Headmaster gave him a knowing, light smile. "I ask that you remain in contact with Sirius. I will also be asking you for favors very soon, I suspect." Remus nodded gravely. He couldn't imagine any easy mission from Dumbledore. "Severus will be reconnecting with old Death Eaters for any word on Lord Voldemort's return." The sallow man nodded from the back, clearly unhappy about having to interact with the rest of the people in the room. Remus had to keep the glare from his face. He still hadn't forgiven the Potions Master for his lack of discretion that had cost him his job at the school.

"And Rowan."

Remus' breath caught at the sound of her name. He turned hesitantly to look at her as the Headmaster addressed her. He noted with a slight pang that she kept her eyes ahead on the older wizard. She'd avoided his gaze since the beginning of the meeting, when she'd stared at him as if he were a ghost. He grimaced inwardly. It certainly wasn't the way he would have chosen to see her for the first time in thirteen years, but there was no getting around it. His stomach tightened - he had asked Claire to tell her to contact him after his afternoon conversation with the young woman, but he'd still heard nothing from Rowan. Did she really not want to see him?

"I want you to keep an eye on Harry," Dumbledore said to Rowan. "I believe that he will be an invaluable source for Lord Voldemort's movements and will undoubtedly try to keep it to himself. I want you to inform me immediately if he ever mentions anything suspicious regarding his scar or any unusual dreams. Do you understand?"

Remus frowned at this. The idea of Harry being connected to the Dark Lord in any way was disturbing. He watched Rowan's face carefully. Surely she wasn't pleased about this either. But she kept her gaze hard, perhaps sharpening even at this request. She nodded without another word and then averted her gaze, staring almost angrily at the Headmaster's desk. Remus felt a sudden urge to move to her, but he kept his feet glued to the spot.

"Should we contact Moody? I'm sure he'll want to be informed," Mina suddenly said. Dumbledore smiled at this, eyes twinkling.

"I believe our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor will be more than ready to move at a moment's notice," he said. Remus frowned and looked up to the Headmaster. His eyes widened as he understood the older wizard's strange response.

"He's coming out of retirement to teach?" he asked incredulously. He tried to imagine the gruff older man teaching the younger students with a mixture of mirth and apprehension. They were going to be terrified of him!

But Dumbledore continued to smile. Obviously, he wasn't concerned. "Alastor will only be with us a year while I look for another qualified professor to assume the position permanently. Rest assured that he's not pleased and is only doing it as a favor to me," he said. Remus frowned. That's not exactly what he'd been concerned about. He made a mental note to write to the retired Auror about what material he'd covered the year before with the students.

"Well, that's it!" Dumbledore said with a smile. "I'm afraid there's not much to move on now, but I wanted to be sure that those of us who knew of the situation were all on the same page. I will be in contact with each of you. Thank you very much for coming on such short notice."

The room began to move again, as if it had taken a deep breath after a reemergence from beneath a still pool of water. Remus couldn't help but turn to look at Rowan again, who was now speaking quietly to Dumbledore with a deeply concerned look. Remus frowned. She was clearly more worried than she'd let on moments before. He wanted to ask her about Harry, about herself, about everything that had happened since he'd last seen her so many years before. His questions threatened to overtake him, but he remained still. He needed to take this slowly. He felt Mina move to stand next to him and her sharp gaze on his face, though he didn't turn to look at her. He needed to remain focused. He couldn't let the Auror intimidate him away from this. He'd waited too long.

Finally, Rowan and the Headmaster finished speaking, though she didn't look any less worried. She seemed to gather herself again for a moment before turning around almost dazedly. She finally saw him and Mina waiting for her with mouth twisting tightly. Remus watched as her expression contorted, as if it didn't know what expression to take on. But she moved toward them anyway with a quiet step. He felt his chest tighten almost painfully. She was so close. He felt Mina bristle next to him, but he kept his gaze on Rowan. She met it with apprehension.

His lips twitched upward into a smile. Her eyes immediately drew to the scar there, just like they always had. He suddenly wanted to press his mouth to hers. "It's been a long time," he said. "You look well."

She seemed to take in his words carefully, as if he spoke in a language she understood with difficulty. Finally, she nodded.

"It has," she croaked. She cleared her throat with some embarrassment. His smile twitched upward more with deep affection. "It has," she repeated, firmly this time. She mustered a small smile. He wanted to crow with joy at the tiny expression. "You do, too," she said.

Remus smiled crookedly at this. That was far from the truth. He knew he looked older than ever with his graying hair and shabby robes, and he felt even shabbier standing so close to her, when she glowed brighter than ever. His shadows seemed to grow ever longer in her light. She couldn't see it, but his body had accumulated even more scars over the years. He suddenly wondered what the scars on her shoulder looked like now. Had they faded at all with the years?

"Um," she started hesitantly, eyes darting nervously down to his chest. Her hands were fidgeting in the pockets of her robes. He wanted to pull them out and take them between his own.

"We should get going, Rowan."

Remus suddenly remembered that Mina was there as well and turned quickly to see the brunette staring hard at Rowan. She shot him a sharp side glance that screamed, _Stay away from her_. He looked back defiantly. It had taken a lot of effort for him to even reach out to Rowan, and he wasn't going to back down now, not after he'd finally heard her voice directed at him again. How had he ever lived without it?

But Rowan nodded and kept her gaze averted. Mina reached forward and took Rowan's hand gently, just as Remus had wanted to do, and then guided her quietly towards the door after shooting Remus a final glare. Rowan's eyes darted up to his face as she moved past him. His lungs hit his throat as her lips twitched upward into a small smile, eyes glowing quietly. His eyes widened, and then he all but beamed at her. Her cheeks blushed pink before she turned away to follow Mina from the office. With a few quiet steps and a click of the door, she was gone, but the warmth in his chest remained.

* * *

II.

The following evening was hot, balmy and a friendly shade of pink and orange. Rowan sat at the family table of the Burrow with Ron and the eldest Weasley boys awaiting the arrival of Harry, the twins, and Arthur with great anticipation. Ron, Bill, and Charlie spoke excitedly about the World Cup with Molly throwing in her opinion every so often from the kitchen, but Rowan couldn't seem to find her voice to contribute, despite being very happy to see Charlie and Bill, who had been working abroad for the past few years. Her mind was on a certain boy.

She'd convinced Dumbledore to let her contact the Dursleys, frightening them into letting Harry out of the house on a few occasions with implied threats of magic and other terrifying witchcraft. She had anxiously expected there to be some awkwardness between her and Harry at first, and though their first few conversations during each outing were a bit stiff, she could feel him steadily open up to her with every smile. They'd gone to the beach, Diagon Alley, and even a Muggle film, after which she'd made Harry explain to her what the difference between cable and regular television was. It reminded her happily of her teenage years with James and Sirius, laughing over late night ice cream and mysterious Muggle conventions. He seemed hungry for any detail about his parents, no matter how minute or trivial, which she was more than happy to supply. She noted that he was very different from James, but there was still something about the boy that was indescribably like his parents.

"He has a keen sense of justice and of himself," Carole had said. Rowan couldn't agree more.

Rowan hadn't seen Harry for the past few weeks since she'd taken him out for a day - much to the Dursleys' dismay - and brought him home covered in mud. They'd spent the afternoon at the orphanage, where Carole had nearly suffocated him with affection and barely contained tears. Harry had looked embarrassed yet deeply pleased. Gillian and Lionel had taken to him immediately with a flurry of questions and promises to hang out when they returned to Hogwarts. They'd spent the rest of the day playing Quidditch in the backyard where Harry had truly shined. Rowan nearly mistook him for James as he sped around on his broomstick. She couldn't remember feeling so happy in a very long time.

Being in the Burrow with the excitement of seeing Harry was certainly a welcome reprieve from the most recent events of the night before. She'd barely slept at all after arriving home from the partial Order of the Phoenix reunion. Her head was full of Remus - of his kind smile, of his eagerness to speak to her. Despite his quiet tone, his voice was so loud, deafening. It had shaken her to the core. Her stomach seemed to be in a constant state of tension. She couldn't wrap her head around it - thirteen years without a word from him, and now, he was suddenly so eager to talk to her again. What had changed so suddenly?

Did he remember?

But as she brooded over it again for perhaps the thousandth time that month, there was a flash of green flames from the fireplace and a cackling shout of laughter. The twins burst from the fireplace in hysterics with Harry's heavy trunk. Rowan stood with a frown.

"What did you two do now?" she accused. The twins looked up at the Potions Master with tears of laughter in their eyes. George attempted to answer but couldn't gather enough air to muster a response. Instead, they continued to laugh, doubled over.

Then there was another flash of green flames, and another smaller form toppled into the room. Rowan jerked forward - it was Harry. He looked up around the room dazedly. Rowan smiled amusedly. He clearly wasn't accustomed to travel via Floo. She suddenly remembered two certain black-haired men groaning on the floor of the Three Broomsticks many years ago with a grin. The twins rushed forward to help him up eagerly.

"Did he eat it?" said Fred excitedly, holding out a hand to pull Harry to his feet. Harry nodded with a grin.

"Yeah," said Harry, straightening up. "What was it?" Fred and George shared a grin.

"Ton-Tongue Toffee," said Fred brightly. "George and I invented them, and we've been looking for someone to test them on all summer."

The room exploded with laughter again. Harry looked around and saw Rowan finally. He beamed at her, which she returned. He looked like he wanted to say something to her, but Charlie moved towards Harry first. The young man grinned and held out his hand to introduce himself. Bill followed suit. Rowan watched happily as the two older Weasleys spoke to Harry for the first time. He seemed very pleased to finally meet them.

There was finally another flash of green light, and Arthur emerged from the fireplace looking livid. Charlie and Bill shared a conspiratorial grin and backed away quietly at the sight of their father's angry red face, knowing fully well that they didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. They hooked their arms into Rowan's and shot her boyish grins. She grinned back - still children, underneath their manly facades.

"That wasn't funny Fred!" he shouted. "What on earth did you give that Muggle boy?"

"I didn't give him anything," said Fred, with another evil grin. "I just dropped it. It was his fault he went and ate it. I never told him to."

"You dropped it on purpose!" roared Mr. Weasley. "You knew he'd eat it! You knew he was on a diet-"

"How big did his tongue get?" George asked eagerly.

"It was four feet long before his parents would let me shrink it!"

Harry and the Weasleys roared with laughter again.

But Arthur didn't seem to think it was something to laugh over. He laid into the twins again angrily, though they didn't seem at all remorseful. It wasn't until Molly emerged from the kitchen with a very stern look, wooden spoon brandished, that they cowered a bit. The real head of this household was obvious. Hermione and Ginny poked their heads out from behind the matriarch. Rowan grinned as she saw Ginny's face go pink as Harry smiled at her. Ginny glared pointedly at Rowan as she caught the girl's eye teasingly.

"What have they done this time?" accused Mrs. Weasley. "If it's got anything to do with Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes-" Rowan took this as her cue and took a step towards the door. Any conversation involving the twins' emerging business was not something she wanted to be present for if it involved Molly.

"Why don't you show Harry where he's sleeping, Ron?" said Hermione from the doorway, obviously on the same page as Rowan. Ron frowned dumbly.

"He knows where he's sleeping," said Ron. "In my room - he slept there last-"

"We can all go," said Hermione pointedly with a hard look.

"Oh," said Ron, finally catching on. Rowan nearly rolled her eyes. "Right."

"Yeah, we'll come too," said George.

"You stay where you are!" snarled Molly.

Harry and Ron edged out of the kitchen. Harry shot Rowan another eager look and a silent promise to come find her after he'd gotten settled. She nodded to him, and he grinned again as he disappeared up the staircase, followed by Ginny and Hermione. Rowan looked to the two older Weasley boys as Molly really got into her reprimanding the twins. The young men grimaced comically - they wanted to avoid their mother's anger as much as anyone - and made a gesture to the black-haired woman to head for the backyard. Rowan made a quiet beeline for the door, laughing as her feet touched the grass.

* * *

Rowan grinned heartily as Ginny and Hermione recounted a story involving Crookshanks and a bunch of garden gnomes from earlier in the day. Her chest was light with the great warmth that had accumulated throughout the evening. After watching Bill and Charlie joust with the tables - a happy reminder of their late uncles, whom she still missed terribly - Harry and Ron had returned from Ron's room just in time for supper, which was delicious, as was to be expected from Molly. Harry sat between Rowan and Ron with Charlie on the other side of Ron. Ginny, Hermione and the twins sat across from them. Bill was being pestered by Molly about his long hair and dragon tooth earring. Rowan noted his patience with his mother's chiding and thought to how similar he still was to Remus with a slight ache.

Rowan looked down to see Harry glancing up at her hesitantly. She smiled.

"What are you looking at, Potter?" she asked teasingly. He smiled almost bashfully. She wanted to squeeze him.

"I just haven't seen you for a while," he said. Rowan couldn't resist wrapping an arm around him this time affectionately. She knocked her head against his.

"I missed you too," she said honestly. She could feel him smile beside her.

Then there was a blinding flash. Both Rowan and Harry shouted in pain as their eyes burned from the sudden light. Rowan rubbed her eyes and blinked blearily, finally seeing Molly standing across the table with a large camera in hand - an old model perhaps ten years old. None of the new ones had a flash like that anymore. Rowan groaned again.

"What the hell, Molly?" The ginger-haired woman beamed.

"This is the first time I've seen you two together since you've been reunited. We have to commemorate this!" she said ardently. She took another flashing photograph, leaving Rowan blind again. Her eyes watered as she tried to rub the floating light from them.

But even as her eyes stung, she couldn't help the joy in her heart. As her sight came back, she looked around the table and saw all of the Weasleys, whom she'd watched grow so quickly, and now Harry and Hermione were there too, whom she was sure would be with her for the years to come. Harry smiled up at her. She beamed, knowing that he felt the same.

* * *

It was dark now with the yellow light of Mr. Weasley's candles flickering lowly over the backyard of the Burrow. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had gone inside, but Rowan, Hermione, and the Weasley children [minus Percy, who had gone back to his room to continue working, predictably] remained, lounging about in the grass. Rowan sat across from Harry in the messy circle the teenagers had formed. Fred and George sat on either side of her, pushing her playfully every so often, pulling her laughter.

Harry watched the interactions between the Weasleys and Rowan quietly. Ever since he'd found out that Rowan was his godmother, he'd become more and more aware of how frequently Ron and the twins spoke about her, but now, it seemed very evident just how close she was to the Weasley children. Even Bill and Charlie were delighted to see her, both engaging her in conversation eagerly. They spoke enthusiastically about their respective jobs, and though their jargon went over his head, she followed all of it seamlessly. The two grown men suddenly seemed very boyish in her presence, both grinning delightedly under her gaze.

There was a strange ache in his chest as he watched them all talk so familiarly with each other. They clearly adored her like an older sister or, as Ron had first described her, a cool aunt. She spoke to them easily, more relaxed than she'd ever spoken to Harry. He felt a surge of heat rush to his face. It emerged slowly, and at first, he was unsure as to what it was. There was certainly some envy, but was there anger?

It was bitterness.

She'd been here all along, looking after the Weasleys and giving them the love that was supposed to be directed at _him._ While she was playing Quidditch with the twins in the backyard, he had been sleeping in the cupboard beneath the stairs on Privet Drive. She'd been accumulating fame in the wizarding world and caring for Ron and Ginny as he'd been tormented by Dudley and his bully friends. Where had she been during those lonely nights when he'd silently cried for the parents he'd never known? Where had she been when he'd come home with scratched knees after being pushed one too many times?

He felt his anger overtake him suddenly. She'd shown up again in his life without a single explanation as to where she'd been or what she'd been doing. Sure, she'd promised to be in his life from now on, but it was much easier for her now that he was at Hogwarts. It was easy to dole out gold on gifts and outings. Would she disappear again once things started getting hard for him - when Voldemort returned?

Rowan was laughing again at something the twins had said. He saw her throw her head back brightly and felt her laughter stab him in the chest almost spitefully. She turned to look at him, and he knew distantly that his anger was evident on his face, but he couldn't change it. Her smile slipped away as she took in his twisted features until it pulled downward into a heavy frown. Ginny said something to her, and she nodded vaguely, keeping her eyes locked with Harry's. He felt the understanding between them with relish. He wanted her to know his anger, his resentment.

But most of all his loneliness.

Rowan looked back at Bill and said something low and quiet to him. Bill's expression straightened slowly until he nodded solemnly to her. He stood.

"Hey, let's go take a walk around the lake!" he said loudly. The twins and Ginny cheered at this. Bill shot Rowan a quick glance before smiling broadly again and leading the siblings towards the long winding path beyond the Burrow's gates.

But Rowan stood and walked towards Harry. Harry saw Ron and Hermione look to the two of them apprehensively. Rowan gave them a reassuring smile and nodded for them to go with Bill. They shot them another careful look before following after the others, leaving Harry and Rowan alone in the yard. Harry's stomach was suddenly tight with nerves as he realized his sudden proximity with his godmother. She smiled tightly at him.

"Care for a walk?" she asked. Harry nodded. She led the way in the opposite direction from the rest of the teenagers.

* * *

Rowan and Harry finally sat down on a small grassy knoll not too far from the house after a few minutes of walking. The moon glowed brightly above them - a waxing crescent. Her chest was anxiously tight as they sat in silence for a moment. She could sense Harry's discomfort still, though she didn't know from where it came. She'd simply looked over to see him bristling with obvious anger and knew that he wanted to talk. She had a feeling his anger was directed at her.

"What's wrong?" she finally asked.

For a moment, Harry didn't say anything. He just stared at this bare feet, toes curling in the grass. Rowan watched him warily before sighing silently and looking up to the dark sky. Fireflies hummed around them dimly. She thought vaguely of her flowers at home, which were undoubtedly glowing as well.

"Why didn't you come for me before now?"

Rowan looked back to Harry, but his gaze remained angrily on his feet. She frowned.

"What do you mean?" she asked warily. Harry's mouth twitched with frustration.

"You were here all this time - with the Weasleys, I mean - while I was on Privet Drive alone. Why are you suddenly so concerned about me now when the last thirteen years you've clearly gotten on without me?"

Rowan's eyebrows furrowed with hurt, though it wasn't for herself. She saw the angry, hard-focused look in the boy's face and recognized the confusion and loneliness there. She realized suddenly with a great pang of guilt that she'd never explained any of her circumstances to him over the summer, despite the few times she'd gone to see him. How could she have been so insensitive?

"I'm sorry, Harry," she said quietly. His eyes narrowed, but he didn't look back up at her still. She wanted to wrap her arms around his shoulders again but held herself back. He deserved to know the full story.

"I won't give you excuses for why things happened the way they did, and I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to explain myself until now. I suppose I was just so excited to have you back in my life that all the years between were overshadowed," she said. His lips twitched, but he remained silent. She pushed onward. "But I should have explained what happened all those years ago - why I had to stay away.

"I'm sure Dumbledore's already explained it all to you, regarding your parents' deaths and why you had to go to your aunt and uncle," she continued. Harry didn't look at her still, so she assumed that he knew this. "Believe me when I say that I fought Dumbledore's decision - I researched every protective spell I could find for a way to keep you with me, but there's nothing as strong as the blood ties that weave together to form the fabric of your mum's last spell. If there were, I would have found it, and you would have stayed with me.

"I know that doesn't make the past thirteen years any easier," she admitted. "I can't imagine that any of it would change the way you feel now, but no matter what you may think, I did fight to keep you - harder than you'll ever know. And I loved you deeply. I still do." Harry's lips trembled, eyes still averted. "And if I were to have it my way, you would have never known anything but love. You would have been with me all along."

"Did you think of me at all - while I was with the Dursleys?" he asked quietly. Rowan silently rejoiced at the sound of his voice. She smiled.

"Everyday," she said honestly. He finally looked up at her, eyes wide. Her smile deepened. "I thought about you every single day, Harry. I still do now. I made sure I was there every time you were at King's Cross and in Diagon Alley. I can't tell you how thrilled I was when Molly told me you and Ron had become friends. I think I was only able to keep myself away from you because Molly was able to keep me satisfied with stories about the trouble you and Ron got into. Merlin, I nearly had a heart attack from the flying car business," she laughed. "Hagrid even passed along a few photos of you to me, as creepy as that sounds," she said, grinning sheepishly at her admission. A shy smile emerged on Harry's lips. His eyes widened as if suddenly remembering something.

"On my first day," he breathed with realization. He looked up suddenly and met her gaze with a wide, wondrous look. "You were there, on Platform 9 3/4! You were there with the Weasleys!" Rowan's chest felt as if it could burst. She nodded eagerly.

"I was there to see you," she said honestly. Harry seemed to soak in the words slowly, before a slow smile spread across his face. Rowan pushed forward with her momentum. "I was there on each first day and each last day, just so I could catch a glimpse of you. I have each date marked on my calendar with a huge red circle." She then grinned as she remembered the previous summer. "And then last year, I was the one who paid for your stay at the Leaky Cauldron, and I got your tab at Florean Fortescue's." Harry frowned.

"What? That wasn't for free?" he asked. Rowan laughed openly at this. Harry smiled sheepishly and blushed slightly.

"But why didn't you say anything? Why did you keep yourself a secret from me?" Harry urged. Rowan smiled sadly.

"I wasn't allowed to reveal myself to you. If you'd found out about me, you would have undoubtedly discovered the story about Sirius as well, which Dumbledore and Fudge didn't want. Dumbledore wanted you to grow up beyond the wizarding world first so you could have a normal childhood away from the public eye and the burdens that come with your reputation, which I can now say objectively was a wise decision on his part. And so Mina and I kept our distance." Harry frowned again.

"Mina - what's her relationship with Sirius?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, you two met briefly, didn't you? That's a harder question to answer," she said with a sheepish smile. His frown deepened. "They were together when it all happened. Sirius had wanted to propose to her in the next few months - we were actually here to help with Ron's delivery when he told me," she said fondly. Harry's eyes widened at this. "She wanted to be here tonight to see you, but she's very busy at the Ministry. It's hard being a top dog in the Auror department." Harry nodded to this.

"That's what Professor Lupin said - er, Remus," he said with a screwed up expression. He didn't seem to feel comfortable referring to his former professor so familiarly.

Rowan's stomach lurched. She tried to keep her face straight, but Harry seemed to catch the strange expression. He eyed her carefully.

"He told me to ask you about your relationship with him too," he said slowly. Rowan sighed again.

"Did he now?" she asked quietly, smiling tightly. She looked up towards the sky as she thought of the light-haired man once again. Harry nodded again eagerly, waiting for her answer. She nearly laughed.

"I'm sure you can put two and two together at this point. We were together once," she said honestly. Harry nodded, rolling the idea over in his head.

"But?" he urged onward. Rowan shook her head.

"That's a very long story, Harry - one that will need a lot more time to explain - and you need to get up very early tomorrow for the World Cup," she said. Harry frowned deeply.

"Will you tell me about it next time - about you and Professor Lupin and Mina and Sirius?"

Rowan smiled. "I promise that I will tell you everything about the four of us, and I will bombard you with every story I have about your parents until you've heard them a million times and can't stand it any longer," she said amusedly. Harry grinned and nodded. He stood with Rowan, where she assessed him fondly before pulling him into a tight embrace. She breathed deeply at the strangely familiar feeling before pulling away. She looked at him ardently.

"I know that the past thirteen years have been lonely for you. I can't go back and change anything, no matter how much I want to, but I can promise that I will do my best to make up for the time that was taken from us, and I want you to always be honest with me. No matter what happens now, I'm always going to be here to support you. You know that, right?" she said. Her eyes scanned over his face for a sign of recognition. She hoped that he could feel her fervor.

His lips trembled slightly. His green eyes darted over her features, as if memorizing them, pressing this memory into his mind to replay over again later. Finally, he smiled tightly and nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "Okay." Rowan beamed and swept him into another embrace. She heard the distant sound of the Weasley siblings laughing happily.


	17. The Quidditch World Cup

**A/N: PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: **To my Brazilian and Portuguese readers, I have some exciting news! I've just begun plans to translate my stories into Portuguese with the incredibly generous **Marylin C**, who extended an offer to do it all personally. It will obviously take some time since I need to go back and edit the first two stories before she begins to translate, which will also take some time, but I'm really, really excited about it. I almost feel like a real author haha. So stay tuned! I'll be sure to post updates about it once it gets under way!

**CookiewMonstuurrr: ** Thank you so much! I'm always thrilled to hear from new readers. Please let me know what you think in the future!

**missalex3030:** Haha you know I love your long reviews. Thanks for always writing such meaningful ones :] I'm glad you're not too mad that I'm dragging Rowan and Remus' interactions out, but like you said, it's bound to be awkward between them at first. And I'm so happy you're excited to see what happens between Mina and Sirius! I'm still trying to work out where they fit in right now, but since he's on the run mostly for the 4th book, they probably won't have a whole lot of spotlight until we move past the Triwizard Tournament, unfortunately. As for Tonks... eheheh I'm pretty excited about that part too. There's gonna be some UST and shit, and it's gonna be extremely fun and frustrating, and I love it.

**SMGF1:** Thank you! I honestly have no idea how long this one will be, but I'm trying to keep it under 70 again, which is why the chapters have been longer. I have no immediate plans to write another story, but I'm certainly open to it. It's just that there aren't really any other characters that inspire me in the way Remus has. If I write another, I feel like it'll be much shorter and in a different fandom, probably for an anime or video game. Any suggestions/requests?

**ItsCalledBeingSexyTryIt:** You changed your penname again! I got confused for a second before realizing it was you haha. I'm glad you're enjoying it still. So good to hear from you ^^

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Thank you so much! I'm pretty stoked about Harry and Rowan's budding relationship. I feel like he needed some guidance at this point in the books, which is where she kinda fills in the gaps. Also, shooting you a response in a bit. I hope you're feeling better!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**October 15, 1989**

_Dear Remus,_

_I've been spending a lot of time with the Weasleys since Fred and George left for Hogwarts. I'll admit it's been very quiet around the Burrow without them. I'd almost forgotten what the house sounded like without their usual bedroom explosions. The house is quiet, too, now that Gillian and Morgan are gone for the term, though I suppose they'll be home again in December. The little ones have been in a riot since they've been away. Lettie cried nearly an hour after the train pulled away, and Ginny was a weepy mess as she always is when September 1st comes. She was even worse this year as Fred and George also left. I can't imagine how bad it'll be when Ron leaves for school as well, though I guess she'll only have one year at home by herself, which isn't terrible. It must be difficult to be the youngest child. Perhaps I was fortunate in a way that I was an only child._

_Bill is in Egypt now. He's going to do hexbreaking in the tombs around Cairo. It's strange, isn't it? When he told me that's what he wanted to do, I immediately thought of Peter, obviously. Bill's so different from Peter though. I suppose it speaks to the difference in their skills - being placed in Egypt in much more prestigious than being assigned to the London bank - but even personality-wise, they're nearly opposites. _

_He still asks about you, you know. You were always Bill's favorite. I never really know what to tell him. When he was younger, he'd ask about you pretty frequently, but I think he began to understand how much it hurt me to talk about you as he got older. I'm pretty sure Molly and Arthur also told him to stop. Now, he only asks maybe once or twice a year. I get the feeling he can't help it. You had a pretty strong influence on him when he was a kid. Did you know I used to watch the two of you talking and imagine what it'd be like when we had kids? I'd think to myself, "Oh, Remus is going to be the best father someday. I hope we have a boy just like Billy." I guess it was pretty premature of me, huh? I still stand by it though - you _would_ have made a great father._

_Charlie still has his interest in dragons, much to Molly's dismay. He just started his Sixth Year - can you believe? He asked me to connect him with any researchers I knew. I wrote to Heinrich to see if maybe he'd be interested in taking on an assistant. He wrote back recently and told me to give Charlie his contact information. Charlie nearly suffocated me after I told him. I wonder if he'll have just as many scars as you and Heinrich soon. _

_I hadn't written to Heinrich in several years, so he was very surprised to hear from me. He's married now with a little boy and another child on the way apparently. I don't know if I can say that I'm surprised - he always seemed to need a woman to take care of him - but it did make me a little lonely. I'm not jealous of the woman he's married - I'd much rather be alone than marry someone I don't love - but I'll admit that I'm jealous that he has someone while I don't. I can't help but feel like I should be happier, but it's difficult when I realize I'll probably never marry at this point. I want to say that I don't need a man, that I can be a strong woman on my own, but there are still those nights when I come home and feel desperately alone and can't help but wonder where you are._

_I know it's another two years away, but I couldn't help but think of Harry when I saw Gillian and Morgan in their new school robes. They were both sorted into Hufflepuff, but I can't imagine Harry going anywhere but Gryffindor. I think James would probably come back from the grave and beat me with a spade if I were to let him be sorted anywhere else. I know there isn't really anything I _can_ do anything about it, but still, it feels like my responsibility._

_Speaking of Gryffindor, Fred and George were sorted there, like that had even been a question. But their attendance at Hogwarts has made Lescos and Amrit's daughter Aarini Gryffindor crazy. They were Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, respectively. I guess I'm just so used to single-house families that seeing mixed-house families is really interesting to me. I wonder what the statistics are for same-house partners and if there are varying statistics per house. I imagine Slytherins probably have the highest percentage of homogeneous families._

_Aarini is seven now. It's amazing how quickly she's grown and how precocious she is. She's even wilder than I was when I was a kid and ten times more independent. I suppose I became dependent on James since we always had each other, but she's one of those unique children who's nearly completely disinterested in other children. She's very fond of Fred and George, but I think it's more of an aspirational affection rather than a desire to be around them. She also has a very peculiar interest in the war, which is somewhat disturbing. After Amrit told her I'd fought in it - still not sure why she did that - she started asking me questions about the players and events. She's even taken to writing them down, like a mini-journalist almost. If her obsession with the war weren't so disturbing, I'd almost find it endearing. Obviously I don't tell her much - she's only seven after all - but still, it's an interesting experience telling someone completely unaffiliated about something so dark. Maybe I should look into therapy. A little late though, isn't it?_

_Anyway, Mina and I agreed to watch Ron and Ginny for the afternoon while Molly takes some time for herself, so that's it for today. Honestly, I don't know how that woman does it. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. At least we don't have to chase after the twins too._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter** **16: The Quidditch World Cup**

I.

Harry was amazed at the expanse of colors and languages around the grounds. He, Ron, and Hermione carried kettles full of water back to their campsite, all three peering around with awe at the spectacle of Irish and Bulgarian paraphernalia. But there was more than that, much more. Harry caught wind of maybe a dozen languages and even more he didn't recognize. There were people of all races and dress speaking excitedly throughout the crowds. He had never considered what magic beyond England was like, despite knowing logically that it existed, obviously. He remembered Rowan mentioning that she'd spent a couple years abroad after his parents had died and made a note to ask her all about it.

Walking more slowly now because of the weight of the water, they made their way back through the campsite. Here and there, they saw more familiar faces: other Hogwarts students with their families. Oliver Wood, who dragged Harry over to his parents' tent to introduce him, and told him excitedly that he had just been signed to the Puddlemere United reserve team. Next they were hailed by Ernie Macmillan, and a little farther on they saw Cho Chang, a very pretty girl who played Seeker on the Ravenclaw team. She waved and smiled at Harry, who slopped quite a lot of water down his front as he waved back. More to stop Ron from smirking than anything, Harry hurriedly pointed out a large group of teenagers whom he had never seen before. After eavesdropping discreetly, the trio decided they must be from Mahoutokoro in Japan.

"_Roooooon!_"

The three turned around quickly at the sound of a girl's voice. Harry jumped out of the way just in time to narrowly avoid the rocketing body that shot into Ron's stomach. He grunted with pain and fell backward flat on his back, water flinging into the air. The small body that had collided with his shrieked gleefully before jumping back to its feet, chest puffed out. Harry frowned with confusion.

It was a girl. He recognized her from Gryffindor - a rising Second Year, he remembered vaguely, though he'd never spoken to her. She had olive skin and round, dark eyes with a short, messy mop of black inky hair that seemed to absorb all light. She grinned toothily up at them as Ron struggled back to his feet, shirt now soaked with water.

"What the hell, Aari?" he groaned painfully. She let out a grand bark of laughter.

"Too slow, Ronald!" she declared. Harry noted that all of her movements were very large, despite her gangling frame. "You have to always be on alert for the next predator! You never know who'll come out from the shadows and - GET YOU!" Ron shouted again as she jumped towards him, only to fake him out. She let out another bark of laughter.

"Um," Harry started, looking to Hermione hesitantly. She looked just as confused. The girl seemed to notice them suddenly with surprise, despite having just reprimanded Ron for not being aware of his surroundings. Her face blanched comically at the sight of Harry.

"You!" she shouted again, jabbing a dramatic finger into his face. His eyes crossed as he recoiled. "It's about time I met you! Do you know how long I've been waiting?" she asked.

Harry's head was spinning. This girl was too much. He frowned. "I'm sorry?" he asked weakly.

She puffed her chest out again. "My name is Aarini Farago, and I've been waiting to meet you for an entire year, but you haven't bothered to come introduce yourself! Very rude!" she reprimanded.

Hermione's eyes widened. "Aarini Farago - as in Amrit Kohli and Lescos Farago's daughter?" she asked. The girl nodded eagerly and stood proudly, chin up.

"Yes, that's me!" she all but shouted. "The great Aarini Farago! You'd do well to remember that!" she said, jabbing a finger at Harry again.

Ron finally seemed to get his bearings. He groaned. "Aari, take it down a few notches. You're drawing way too much attention," he grumbled. Harry noted that they were getting quite a few stares from the high volume and grandiose gestures of this girl. He patted his hair down instinctively.

But she cackled dramatically anyway. "Those people know _adventure _when they see it!" she exclaimed. "And I am the greatest of them all, the greatest of Gryffindors!" She then spun on Harry and seemed to size him up with a grand sweeping glance. He recoiled again.

"So you're Rowan's godson then?" she asked. Harry's interest was suddenly piqued. Since returning to the wizarding world, no one had ever recognized him as anything other than "The Boy Who Lived." He decided that he quite liked being noted instead as "Rowan's godson." He couldn't help but grin a bit.

"You know Rowan?" he asked curiously. Hermione peaked over the girl's head as she nodded eagerly.

"Her parents helped Rowan publish the Wolfsbane potion! They're very famous researchers!" she said knowingly. "Her father is a renowned Healer at St. Mungo's who specializes in magical creature attacks and her mother is a famous researcher at the Druid University of London!" Aarini nodded proudly.

"And I've heard _all_ about you!" she said, raising up onto her tiptoes, jutting her face into his defiantly. "I'll have you know that I've been writing your story for years now, so you can be sure I'll be watching you this coming year. I'd also like to do a long interview, perhaps at the end of the year!"

Harry's head continued to spin. Story? Interview? What was wrong with this girl? Was she stalking him?

"You can't seriously still be bent on doing that," Ron said. Hermione frowned.

"Doing what?" she asked. Aarini puffed up again proudly.

"I've been writing profiles on all of the Order of the Phoenix members and the story of the Boy Who Lived for three years now! And with Harry's help, I should be done by the end of my Seventh Year! It will be the greatest compilation of modern wizarding history the world has ever seen!" she declared grandly.

"The Order of what?" Harry asked, eyebrows furrowing. But before he could get an answer, there was another shout.

_"Oy! What's taking you so long?"_

The four children looked up to see Fred and George approaching them, arms waving. Aarini's face lit up at the sight of them and shot towards them just as she had with Ron; however, Fred caught her easily, swinging her around before setting her back down on the ground with a broad grin. She barked a laugh.

"You've been ages," said George.

"Met a few people," grumbled Ron, clearly unamused. He glared pointedly at Aarini who now had the twin's arms draped casually over her shoulders. She grinned up at them triumphantly. Harry rubbed at his scar absentmindedly.

* * *

II.

"Claire, can you pass me the moonstone?"

"Crushed or whole?"

"Crushed, please."

The younger woman levitated a glass jar of shimmering, iridescent powder over to the Potions Master, who was hunched over a cauldron with eyes focused sharply. Her hand reached out blindly to grab at the jar, missing a few times before finally getting a hold of it. Her hair was twisted and pinned on the top of her head with a long glass stirring rod. Her huge goggles stuck crookedly to her face. Mina sometimes commented that they made her look like an insect. Delicately, she measured out a few grams of the crushed stone before sprinkling it into the potion. The rolling smoke took on a pale blue tint.

It was very late in the night, and though the full moon wasn't for another couple of weeks, Rowan hadn't been able to tear herself from the laboratory, and thus, neither had Claire, who nearly always stayed just as late when her master showed signs of her work mania.

The blonde woman shot Rowan a wary look - one of many that night. Though it was not unusual for the Potions Master to be overtaken with a sudden fervor, she'd been unusually manic recently, staying late into the night and sleeping very little. Claire looked back down at the vials and notes in front of her, hoping that Rowan hadn't noticed her restlessness. Her mind wandered back to June, when the mysterious Remus Lupin had appeared in the shop, looking for Rowan, and the subsequent conversation with him. He'd asked her to tell Rowan to contact him, but she'd kept their meeting a secret from her master, despite the searching look on her former lover's face.

But why? She frowned. She still wasn't quite sure. It wasn't in her nature to be dishonest - indeed, sometimes she was _too_ honest, as Rowan had pointed out to her a few times over the years. It seemed completely out of character for her to be deceptive, especially to Rowan, for whom she would usually move the sun and earth, but whenever she thought of Remus Lupin, she remembered the painful longing in her master's eyes when she believed no one was looking and her years of dedicated solitude. It was illogical for such a strong woman to be lonely. The very thought brought an uncomfortable flare of anger to her stomach. Remus Lupin was certainly a brilliant and interesting man, but she couldn't say he was the most impressive suitor that had come knocking on the door for Rowan over the past decade. For him to have such a strong hold over her beloved master was unjust, bordering on the absurd, and after all the years of research and dedication Rowan had put in _for him_, he had no right to have any part in her life, as far as Claire was concerned.

Claire shot Rowan another hesitant glance - she was still very much focused on her work. She sighed silently and looked back down. She knew Rowan and Mina had gone up to the castle to meet with Dumbledore two nights before, though Rowan still didn't tell her much. She knew little about what Rowan's role in the Headmaster's affairs was, but she had her suspicions. It was practically public knowledge that the Delacroixs had been involved with the Order of the Phoenix during the war, and if her random disappearances up to Hogwarts over the past year were any indication, she was still very much involved in the resistance against the Death Eaters who remained. The stories this woman must have from the war must truly be remarkable and terrible. It was a great secret wish in her heart that Rowan might one day deem her worthy as a confidant. She knew of her relationship with Harry Potter and was very glad for the redeveloping relationship between the two, but it also brought about more problems.

Had Rowan seen Remus at that meeting at the castle? Claire knew Mina had been there - the Auror had stopped at the shop to meet Rowan before going up together - so it would follow that other former Order members had been there as well. She could only assume that Remus was included in that secretive group. She grimaced and wanted to smash her face into the counter. If Remus said something to her, then Rowan would undoubtedly realize that Claire had kept information from her. Was she angry? Claire's stomach churned with dread. She'd been unable to sleep for days on the few occasions she'd been disappointed with her over the years. She couldn't even imagine in what terrible ways her body would react were Rowan to be _angry_ with her.

"What's with that face?"

Claire jumped and looked up to see Rowan smiling crookedly at her. She'd placed a lid on top of the cauldron so that only wisps of the blueish smoke escaped. Her goggles had been pulled on top of her head, though large red circles still pressed into her face from where the lenses had been. Claire smiled sheepishly with relief - no anger in sight.

"Just getting a bit of a headache is all," she lied. Rowan nodded and looked up at the clock on the wall with some surprise.

"Oh, I didn't realize how late it got," she said with a frown. "You should head home. You don't need to stick around because of me."

Claire shook her head. "No, it's okay. If you're here, I should be too," she said eagerly. Rowan smiled lopsidedly. Claire gathered her courage forward. "You've been working awfully hard over the past few days though. Did something happen?" she asked carefully.

But Rowan didn't wave off her concerns this time, as she'd expected. The older woman frowned and looked pensive. Claire could see her pushing her thoughts around and considering them each carefully. Finally she gave a small smile. It was almost sad.

"I saw Remus up at the castle the other day - the first time in thirteen years," she admitted. "It affected me more than I thought it would. I'm trying to work the anxiety out I suppose."

Claire's eyes widened. Even if she'd been right, she hadn't expected Rowan to actually answer her question. She considered letting it end there or pushing forward with her momentum, now that Rowan had chosen to confide in her for once. She mustered her courage again.

"What did he say?"

Rowan smiled almost fondly. "Nothing really; the usual stuff - 'how are you, you look good' - you know," she said amusedly. She snorted a bit. "And I, of course, looked like a bumbling idiot - could barely get a word out in response. I'm pretty sure I choked on my spit at one point. A bit pathetic, really. Mina dragged me away luckily before I could make an even bigger ass of myself."

Claire's throat tightened. She needed to say something now.

"Actually, Rowan... About that-"

_Knock knock._

Claire jumped at the sound. Rowan turned with a deep frown before standing and moving towards the door.

"Who could possibly-" she muttered. Her face then lit up as she saw the face peering in from behind the door. "Will!"

Claire's stomach lurched at the sound of the young man's name. She could already feel the capillaries in her face preparing for the rush of blood. She reached up and frantically patted her hair down, turning away from the door quickly. Of all times for him to show up! She felt her moment of closeness with her master fizzle away. When she was sure she'd tamed her day's-worth-of-stress hair as best as she could, she turned back.

Will Surrey was looking as radiant and handsome as ever in his crisp, high-collared Auror jacket, making her feel even more inadequate. He was grinning broadly at Rowan, blue eyes glinting in the bright light of the shop with the warm night behind him. She felt her heart pound in her head again, heat rushing to her face. She could barely comprehend the pleasantries shared between him and Rowan.

"-was on patrol in the area and was bored, so I figured I'd drop by!"

"Your sister is going to have your ass for this if she finds out."

"_If_ she finds out - you're not going to tell her, are you?"

Claire's face burned again as the two turned towards her.

"Evening, Verloren!" Will greeted cheerily. Claire raised a shaky hand.

"E-evening, Will," she said weakly. Rowan smiled encouragingly at her, which made her face burn even more. Why? Why couldn't she even say hello normally? He grinned and then turned back to Rowan without a second glance. Claire wasn't sure if she was more upset at her own lack of composure or at his lack of concern.

"So like I was saying, it's her fault for putting me on patrol out here! Can you believe she's not letting me have a shift at the World Cup? Practically everyone and their mother is at the tournament, and I'm stuck here wandering the empty streets, like anything is going to happen in _Hogsmeade_ when half the population is partying at the campgrounds," he rambled petulantly. Rowan shook her head with an exasperated smile at his complaints.

"Will, your train of thought probably shows why your sister put you on patrol here. Did ever think of that?" she reasoned. Will groaned.

"Ugh, you sound just like her now," he complained. He screwed his face up into a comical sneer. "'_William, if got your shit together and actually did your job, maybe I'd give you more responsibilities. I'm Major General Surrey, and I have my wand up my ass_,'" he mocked, in a high-pitched voice. Rowan glared and smacked him on the forehead, earning a sharp grunt from him.

But just as he was about to retort, a silvery cloud burst through his stomach. Both he and Rowan shouted with surprise and jumped back, wands already armed. Claire marveled at their reflexes. But then the mass solidified into a sleek, silver fox. It stood straight and stoic. Claire simply knew it was from Mina without having to hear the crisp voice that came from it.

"_All ranking officers report immediately to General Shacklebolt at the World Cup campground headquarters. Code Orange. Lieutenants and below remain at your posts."_

And with barely another nod, the fox whispered away into the air. Claire stared at the spot it had stood for another moment wondrously before looking up at Rowan. Her eyes were wide, face pale. Claire's throat tightened as she remembered that Harry was at the World Cup. Code Orange - this was serious.

But one could hardly tell from the elated look on Will Surrey's face. His eyes were wide with excitement. He turned and grinned at Rowan, who looked horrified at his expression.

"Well, you heard her! Code Orange! World Cup!" he crowed. He swallowed Rowan in a sudden hug - Rowan gasped painfully - before spinning for the door. With barely another glance back, he shouted. "Ta!" And with a pop, he was gone, leaving the shop in silence. Rowan stood in the doorway, eyes still wide, mouth twisting. Claire took a step towards her.

"Rowan-" she started softly, but then she yelped as another burst of silver appeared - another fox. It formed directly in front of Rowan, face peering up at her fixedly. Rowan frowned.

"_Rowan, there's been an incident at the Cup. The children are fine. Do not come. Go to the Burrow and wait for word from me and Arthur there. Molly will be expecting you."_

As it smoked away, Rowan turned back to Claire, eyes glinting fiercely. Claire read the words from her face without her saying them and nodded ardently.

"I'll close up the shop," she said. Rowan held her gaze for a moment and took a deep, shaky breath. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting the anxiety fall away a bit. Once her breath had calmed, she opened her eyes and turned for the door. But then stopped. She looked back at her apprentice with a small smile.

"Thank you, Claire," she said softly.

The blonde woman stared for a moment dumbly before beaming. She nodded enthusiastically, and Rowan's smile spread a bit broader. Without even removing her lab coat and goggles, she was running out into the hot August night, and with another _pop_, she too, was gone, leaving Claire in the shop's silence alone.

* * *

III.

Harry never knew whether or not he had actually dropped off to sleep. His fantasies of flying like Krum might well have slipped into actual dreams. All he knew was that, quite suddenly, there was shouting.

"Get up! Ron - Harry - you have to get up now!"

Harry sat up quickly. The top of his head hit canvas.

"'Wha-?" he gasped.

Dimly, he could tell that something was wrong. The noises in the campsite had changed. The singing had stopped. He could hear screams, and the sound of people running. He then looked around and saw a pair of large blue eyes peering up at him through the yellow light that was now lit in the tent. He jolted awake and realized that they belonged to Mina Surrey, who was now pulling him frantically from the bed. Ron had fallen out of his and was now scrambling for his shoes. Harry pushed his glasses on as he groped blindly for his jeans.

"No time for that, Harry! Just get your shoes and get out!"

Harry did as he was told and hurried out of the tent, Ron at his heels. As soon as they were out of the tent, Mina ran for the girls' tent.

By the light of the few fires that were still burning, he could see people running away into the woods, fleeing something that was moving across the field toward them, something that was emitting odd flashes of light and noises like gunfire. Loud jeering, roars of laughter, and drunken yells were drifting toward them; then came a burst of strong green light, which illuminated the scene.

A crowd of wizards, tightly packed and moving together with wands pointing straight upward, was marching slowly across the field. Harry squinted at them. They didn't seem to have faces. Then he realized that their heads were hooded and their faces masked. High above them, floating along in midair, four struggling figures were being contorted into grotesque shapes. It was as though the masked wizards on the ground were puppeteers, and the people above them were marionettes operated by invisible strings that rose from the wands into the air. Two of the figures were very small.

More wizards were joining the marching group, laughing and pointing up at the floating bodies. Tents crumpled and fell as the marching crowd swelled. Once or twice Harry saw one of the marchers blast a tent out of his way with his wand. Several caught fire. The screaming grew louder.

The floating people were suddenly illuminated as they passed over a burning tent and Harry recognized one of them: Mr. Roberts, the campsite manager. The other three looked as though they might be his wife and children. One of the marchers below flipped Mrs. Roberts upside down with his wand; her nightdress fell down to reveal voluminous drawers and she struggled to cover herself up as the crowd below her screeched and hooted with glee.

"That's sick," Ron muttered, watching the smallest Muggle child, who had begun to spin like a top, sixty feet above the ground, his head flopping limply from side to side. "That is really sick..."

Hermione and Ginny came hurrying toward them, pulling coats over their nightdresses, with Mina and Mr. Weasley right behind them. At the same moment, Bill, Charlie, and Percy emerged from the boys' tent, fully dressed, with their sleeves rolled up and their wands out.

"We're going to help the Ministry!" Bill shouted over all the noise, rolling up his own sleeves. He looked to his father, who nodded. The three younger men ran for the hooting crowd, and Mina and Mr. Weasley turned back to the remaining teenagers. Harry saw the Auror's face pull into a hard look again that he remembered from the top of Hogwarts on the night of the full moon in June. He marveled at the ferocity there - this was the woman Sirius had fallen in love with so many years ago.

"You lot need to get into the forest and stick together," she hissed. "You are not to leave under any circumstances - not until Arthur or I come for you. Stay armed and on alert. Promise me you won't leave until we retrieve you."

Harry gaped openly at her for a moment. Her eyes were very large, almost hypnotizing. He felt as if they might swallow him whole with her fervor. But with another scorching look from her, they nodded.

"We promise," Hermione said. Mina's lips tightened with approval as she straightened up again. She reached forward and squeezed Harry's shoulder with a reassuring hand. Her slender fingers were surprisingly strong. He felt that surge of power from her again. She then turned back to Arthur with another stern look. He nodded, and they chased after Bill, Charlie, and Percy, who were already close to reaching the oncoming marchers. Ministry wizards were dashing from every direction toward the source of the trouble. The crowd beneath the Roberts family was coming ever closer.

"Come on," said Fred, grabbing Ginny's hand and starting to pull her toward the woods. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and George followed. They all looked back as they reached the trees. There was a series of shouts and then a flash of red light. The last thing he saw before turning for the forest was the Ministry wizards closing in on the hooded figures.

* * *

IV.

Far from the chaos of the Quidditch World Cup was a house on a small, grassy hill. Inside, it was dark and warm with the faint orange light of the fireplace. Remus Lupin sat in the living room quietly, staring intently at the fire. His father Lyall had gone to bed a couple hours before, much to his relief, leaving him to the silence. He stoke the fire quietly with his wand as he waited, listening to the crackling embers.

Finally, he saw it - the slightest of movements. There was a twitch of coal and then another. The pieces seemed to fall and pull together until, finally, a familiar face was staring up at him from the fire, but it wasn't the waxy, sunken face he'd seen a few months before. His friend was beginning to look like the handsome man he'd always known with his cheeks looking fuller, eyes brighter. He looked like he'd been eating well. Remus smiled.

"How's the weather down there?" Remus asked. The face of his friend Sirius Black grinned back.

"Sizzling," he joked. "But seriously, it really is very hot here. I had to steal a pair of shears the other day to hack my hair off. It's been sticking to my face with the heat."

"Where are you now?" Remus asked.

"Sardinia!" Sirius declared. "If I weren't a Londoner at heart, I'd probably just stay here, it's so nice. Sea, sand, and sun - and the seafood! The fishermen around here have taken a liking to me. As long as I come with a few tricks, I can eat all the fresh fish I want."

Remus thought of white sand, blue water, and a gigantic, black shaggy dog doing parlor tricks for a crowd of cackling fishermen. He grinned.

"Sounds like the life," he said, sighing. He could certainly use some time in the sun. He was looking as sickly pale as ever."I imagine you'll be sticking around there for a while then."

To his surprise, Sirius' mouth tightened, and he shook his head. "That had been the plan, but I'll be making my way back north soon, probably within the week," he said gravely. Remus frowned questioningly. "I just received a worrisome letter from Harry today. He says his scar's been hurting," Sirius explained.

Remus' throat tightened. He remembered Dumbledore's ominous warnings to Rowan and wondered if she knew.

"Dumbledore mentioned he thought this might happen," Remus said. Sirius' frown deepened. "Some of us met the other day - Kingsley, Mina, Rowan, you know - and Dumbledore told Rowan to keep an eye on Harry for the same reasons. It sounds like he knows a bit more than he's letting on about Harry's connection to Voldemort. I can't help but worry as to what it all means," he explained sullenly. He and Sirius shared a dark look.

"I'll be sure to write to Dumbledore tomorrow morning then," he said. "Perhaps I should call on Rowan, too, just so we're on the same page. I don't want her to carry all the responsibility again - not when I can actually help look after Harry now."

Remus nodded quietly but didn't remark on this. Sirius didn't realize how much his words cut into his guilty conscience, and he wouldn't point it out.

"How are things back home? Has everything settled?" Sirius asked a bit more lightly. Remus nodded.

"Yeah, the Dementors have all been shipped back to Azkaban. Kingsley has tracked Peter to Albania. No questions as to why," he said. Sirius glowered. "He and Mina are also diverting the Ministry search for you. You're in Denmark right now, if I'm not mistaken," he said, lips twitching slightly with amusement.

Sirius smiled softly at this. Remus waited patiently for the question he'd no doubt ask:

"How is Mina?"

Remus smiled. "She's doing well - hating me as much as ever," he said lightly. His smile faltered for a moment at Sirius' confused look. "I saw Rowan for the first time the other night in nearly thirteen years. Mina was not pleased."

Sirius frowned deeply. "When I spoke to Rowan in March, she mentioned having not seen you for a long time," he said slowly. Remus' mouth pulled into a tight line - he'd forgotten how much Sirius had missed. "What happened between you two?"

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair - he might take a leaf out of Sirius' book and just cut it himself at this rate. "That's a tough question," he said softly. He thought back to the hazy rage and Rowan's quiet tears so many years ago. It still brought an ache to his chest. "Right after everything that happened with you and James and Lily... Well, I left her."

Sirius' brow furrowed almost accusingly. "Why?" he breathed.

Remus sighed. "I don't really know - because she realized I didn't deserve her, because I realized she was right," he said softly. "I left her to mourn alone. After you were taken away, they took Harry too, and I wasn't there. It was the last straw for her."

Sirius' expression hadn't changed. He was staring hard at Remus. "Where were you?"

Remus sighed again. It was really remarkable how much Sirius had missed, how quickly that week had passed, what a blur it had been for all of them. "I don't know. I really don't know," he said honestly. "I was a mess after what happened at Covent Garden." Sirius grimaced heavily with guilt. "I was sleep-deprived and exhausted from the full moon. I woke up in the Shrieking Shack to Dumbledore's Patronus telling me Lily and James had died, and I can't remember the details after that. I was so tired, and then the adrenaline sort of sapped any sense of coherency. After it all... I just sort of... wandered." He smiled bitterly - how stupid was he to think Rowan would take him back after that. How stupid was he to go back to her, expecting her to be relieved to see him. "I'd left Rowan to bury James and Lily on her own. After that, there was no way she would ever forgive me. Who can blame her?" He shot Sirius a contrite smile. "I hadn't seen her since then before two nights ago. I'm sure you can imagine how awkward it was."

Sirius remained staring disbelievingly. He seemed to let Remus' story soak into him slowly. Remus nearly grimaced - it was a lot to take in.

"I still don't understand," Sirius finally said quietly. "Thirteen years - how could you have avoided her for so long?" He paused. "That _is_ what happened, isn't it? You avoided her."

"You can avoid anyone if you try hard enough and stay out of trouble," Remus shrugged. "I'd had every intention of trying to be friends with her again, but after losing my job at the I.C.E..." he trailed. His chest ached still at the memory of losing Fabian and then his job after Dempsey Greengrass had threatened to out his condition. Sirius' expression darkened - he remembered as well. "After losing my job, I wasn't able to find another, at least not one I was proud of. Every year, I'd look at myself and ask if I was ready to face her again, but my pride wouldn't let me. I didn't want her seeing me like this, but I suppose I was bound to see her again eventually - we all have too many ties to each other to be able to sever all of them."

Sirius nodded solemnly as he continued to absorb Remus' words carefully. Remus assessed his friend thoughtfully. Sirius had certainly changed during his time in Azkaban. He'd never seen the dark-haired man so silent for so long regarding his friends - if it had been thirteen years ago, Sirius would undoubtedly have been yelling at Remus for being a prat. But as it was, he remained silent, considering Remus' story carefully. Remus wasn't sure if he liked the change.

"I see," he said finally. His lips quirked slightly. "Well, I'm glad you've finally seen each other again, even if it was forced. How was it?"

Remus thought back to the quiet smile and wary looks Rowan had shot him and couldn't help but smile softly. "I don't know," he said honestly. "She barely said a word to me. She didn't run away though, which I guess is a good sign that she doesn't hate me."

Sirius smiled at this. "Moony, no matter how enormous of an idiot you are, I don't think Rowan could ever hate you," he said.

Remus smiled sheepishly despite himself. It just felt so good to speak to his friend like this again. It'd been so long, so lonely. And even the last time he'd seen Sirius, they hadn't spoken with such ease. Had they ever? Thirteen years ago, they'd been young men - boys really. With the years taken away from them, it seemed that all sense of pretense and fronts was stripped away. They certainly did not have time on their sides anymore. Even Sirius, with all of his former bravado, seemed to understand this with deep humility. How they had both grown.

They spent the rest of the night talking quietly till the wee morning hours - or rather, Remus talked mostly of what Sirius had missed, with the latter nodding along eagerly, hungrily, for every detail he could soak in. Remus told him of Will and Mina's rise through the ranks at the Ministry, of the Wolfsbane potion and the amazing changes that he'd been able to make in his life because of it. He told him of Harry's escapades during his first and second years and his own financial struggles. They laughed over Harry's acquisition of the Marauders' Map and his serendipitous friendship with Ron Weasley. Remus couldn't remember ever speaking so much or so enthusiastically - thirteen years lost, summarized in a few hours. His chest was warm, bubbling. He felt like a teenager again, staying up late with his mates in their dormitory, conspiring about what sort of mischief they'd get to the next day. He could nearly hear James' laughter ringing alongside theirs.

They were all separated from each other. Sirius was thousands of miles away; James was gone from them completely, and Peter had pledged allegiance to a new band of brothers; but at this hour, in this corner of the world, Remus could nearly pretend that their four spirits were together again, reunited as Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.

* * *

V.

Back at the Weasleys' camp site, everyone was crammed into the same tent, no longer dividing up the boys and girls. As they'd returned, Arthur had insisted that they all stay together. The three had been laying in a dark corner for a few minutes, all unable to sleep. The turbulence of the evening still left them spinning, groping for balance. The actual match from earlier in the day seemed like a far off dream in light of all that had happened after. The sudden silence outside was heavy, alien.

Harry's mind was full of glowing green skulls and snakes, of house elves and silver masks. He still heard poor Winky's desperate sobs in the forest and Barty Crouch's bristling anger. He made a mental note to ask Rowan about the man further later - the obvious distaste Mina had shown the man when they'd all gathered in the forest had been alarming. Though it didn't seem like it would take much to get on the Auror's bad side, he had the feeling her feelings towards the older Ministry official were more than one's average dislike.

"Mina's amazing, isn't she?" Hermione whispered dazedly, as if reading Harry's mind. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, almost frightening how amazing," he said at the thought of the older woman. Ron beamed proudly.

"Man, you guys have no idea!" he boasted, sitting up slightly on an elbow. "You should see her and Rowan practice-duel. Rowan's good, but Mina _always _wins. She taught Bill and Charlie nearly everything they know in DADA because their professors were all crap. Dad says she was trained firsthand by Mad-Eye Moody himself!"

Harry frowned. "Who?" he asked. Ron shot him an incredulous look.

"Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody! He's only the greatest Auror of our time!" he said.

Harry and Hermione stared wondrously. Harry imagined a huge man the likes of Hagrid, with a great scarred face and a broad, barrel-shaped chest. He wore a cape for some reason, that flowed in an invisible wind. He suddenly wanted to meet this man very much.

"And Mina was trained by him?" Hermione continued. Ron nodded eagerly.

"Yeah, Dad says Moody was the one who recruited Mina into the Auror Academy, and then he took her on as sort of a apprentice once she graduated - says it shows how awesome Mina is because Moody never took on mentees before."

Hermione nodded again. "Harry, you said Sirius and your dad were Aurors too, right?" she said. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, Lupin said they all graduated together, but Mina was promoted ahead of them," he said. He then turned the next thought over in his head momentarily. "She and Sirius used to be together - pretty seriously, I reckon."

Hermione and Ron's eyes widened at this. Hermione rolled over onto her stomach to prop herself onto her elbows.

"That explains the weird interaction between them at the end of the year then," Hermione said. "You remember how he looked at her? That must have been so difficult for him - for the both of them!" She then smiled dreamily. "Oh, it's so romantic! Once his name is cleared, they'll be reunited again! It's like a love story!"

Ron stared incredulously at Hermione and shook his head disbelievingly, obviously not very moved by the narrative Hermione had concocted in her mind about Sirius and Mina. Then Harry remembered the other romance he'd wanted to tell the two.

"Rowan and Lupin were together too, apparently."

Hermione and Ron gaped again. Harry was pleased to see that even Ron looked surprised - even if Ron had been with Rowan all this time, it seemed there were certain things she'd only confided in Harry.

"Professor Lupin? And Rowan?" Ron asked dumbly. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, Lupin hinted at it the last time I talked to him and told me to ask Rowan. She admitted to it but said she'd need more time to tell me the whole story. It's pretty long and complicated, apparently," he said with a shrug. Hermione seemed to think this over carefully.

"I can see it. Don't you think they'd make a handsome couple?" she said fondly. "Do you think she started researching werewolves because of him?" Her eyes seemed to light up with every word until she was smiling brightly. Ron's face also lit up.

"Whoa, yeah, I bet that's what started it! I bet Rowan made the Wolfsbane because of Lupin! That explains all of it!" he exclaimed.

"But technically, she didn't discover it - it was her master, Damocles Belby," Hermione countered.

"Whatever, she did a lot of the work too," he said flippantly. Then he frowned. "But they're obviously not together anymore. What do you reckon happened?" he asked soberly.

Harry shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine," he said. "We'll just have to ask her about it the next time we see her."

Ron and Hermione nodded. They sat in silence again for a while, each mulling over the events from the evening.

"The Dark Mark... It was pretty horrible, wasn't it?" Hermione whispered. Ron nodded in agreement. Harry grimaced. The skulls hollow eyes glowed at the back of his mind. It was so familiar.

"Man, coming home to find that over your house - can you imagine?" Ron breathed quietly. Hermione nodded solemnly.

"There really is so much more to the war that we don't understand," she said. Ron nodded again.

"I wonder how many times Rowan and Sirius saw it back then - that Mark," Harry said. Ron's eyes widened. Hermione's lips trembled.

"Oh yeah, they were all in the Order, weren't they?" Ron said. He sat back with an awestruck look. "Blimey, I never even thought of that. They really went through a lot - Rowan and them." Harry frowned.

"The Order?" he echoed. He remembered the vague ramblings from Aarini Farago earlier that day. It felt like ages ago. "Is that what Aari was talking about?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah, the Order of the Phoenix - it was like some secret organization or something Dumbledore started to fight You-Know-Who during the war. Rowan and Mina were in it, or at least I'm pretty sure they were. Like I said, it was a secret, so membership isn't exactly public knowledge. But Rowan's family has always been known for being Dumbledore supporters, so everyone just assumes she was a member."

Hermione nodded. "It probably would have been dangerous to reveal that kind of information back then," she said. Her eyes widened with awe. "I can't imagine how terrifying it must've been. And to think that they fought anyway - they're incredibly brave," she marveled.

Harry stared up at the tent ceiling quietly and let Hermione and Ron's words sink into him slowly. He thought of Rowan and Sirius fighting faceless figures like the jeering Death Eaters he'd seen earlier that night. He imagined the fierce Mina moving swiftly between spells and his parents fighting alongside her. Had Professor Lupin fought also? If Sirius and his father had been in the Order, then it made sense that Lupin was, too. Harry flexed his hand reflexively. He suddenly felt that surge of anger again - the one he'd felt when he'd first learned about Sirius' alleged betrayal. He wanted to stand next to them. He wanted to fight.

"It's horrible," Hermione muttered. She then looked to Ron. "Did your parents fight too?" Hermione asked. Ron shrugged.

"Dunno - Mum and Dad won't talk about it. I guess their not saying anything says that they did, but they won't talk about it with us. Bill's the only one who really remembers anything from back then, but I think Mum and Dad have told him not to tell us much about it either. My uncles, Mum's brothers - they were killed by Death Eaters though."

The three continued to talk quietly until first Ron's head dropped back down, and eventually Hermione's voice also whispered away to sleep; however, Harry remained awake for a long time after. He didn't find sleep until the early morning hours with the first sight of light outside of the tent.

* * *

VI.

Dawn had barely even broken the horizon when Harry and the Weasleys made their back to the Portkey in the morning. It was chilly and damp as they crawled out of their tents. The knees of Harry's baggy jeans were wet with morning dew as he trudged sleepily down the road with the redheaded troop. His mind was swollen with vague, blurry images of swishing robes and duelling wizards. He vaguely remembered a strange remnant from his dream involving Mina Surrey shooting a red laser beam from a metal tube at a pack of snakes, but with another yawn, the rest of the dream whispered away. They walked back through Ottery St. Catchpole and up the damp lane toward the Burrow in the dawn light, talking very little because they were so exhausted, and thinking longingly of their breakfast. As they rounded the corner and the Burrow came into view, a cry echoed along the lane.

Harry watched as Molly Weasley engulfed her children in her arms one by one with a strange ache. He thought back to the events of the night before and felt a soft shudder roll through him. He was hesitant to call it fear - fear of what was to come, fear of facing it alone. The sunlight was beginning to take its hold on the day, making everything seem much more substantial, especially the hollowing pit in his stomach. No matter how much the Weasleys tried to make him feel like one of their own, he wasn't. Would there be a day when he'd finally wear out his welcome?

"Harry!"

Harry looked up with surprise to see a messy mop of black hair sprinting down the lane towards him. He let out a surprised yelp as it collided with him hard, arms engulfing him tightly.

"_Oh, thank god_."

Harry's eyes widened - it was Rowan! She gripped him almost to the point of pain, hands running over his shoulders and hair as if trying to convince herself he was real. "Thank god," she whispered. She trembled against him.

"Rowan," he gasped. "Can't breathe."

Rowan pulled away from him, sputtering small apologies, and he smiled at the bashful expression on her face. He then frowned at the heavy lines beneath her eyes, the messy state of her clothes. She looked very tired.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asked. Rowan gave him a tight smile.

"With you out there around Death Eaters? Fat chance, that."

Harry felt an unrivaled warmth sear through his body as she gripped his shoulders again. She'd been waiting there all night - for him! She'd been awake all night, waiting for him to come home safe. He remembered the anger he'd directed at her not even two nights before with deep shame. How could he have ever thought she didn't truly care about him?

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. Her smile melted tenderly, and then her arms pulled him into an embrace again.

"Stupid - there's nothing to be sorry for," she said, laughing lightly. "I'm just so glad you're safe."

Harry felt a smile pull across his face. It pulled his muscles almost electrically. He reached up and hugged her back and pushed the sudden wave of emotion that threatened to peak. The dark events from the night before seemed to fade away in her light. He was home.


	18. Unforgivable

**A/N: **Holy crap, so many reviews! Thanks so much, everyone! I really, really appreciate it! Going out of town this weekend, but the first 2 chapters of the Portuguese translation of _Of Wolves and Men_ will be up soon!

**wickedgrl123:** So good to hear from you again! It's been lighter, right? I'm glad you like where I'm taking the characters, and I'm definitely planning on some Rowan x Barty moments [starting in this chapter, actually]. Thanks again for the amazing review! Hope you're doing well!

**ChrryBlossom1995:** Thank you so much for all the reading and favoriting! I really can't express how happy I am to hear that you've enjoyed my story. I freaked out when I read your review too :]

**lovirosa: **Hello! It's been a while. Hope you're doing well! Thank you so much! It'll probably take a bit of time for Remus to man up still, but he's getting there haha. Thanks so much for coming back and for the sweet review!

**MaeveDevine:** Haha Hermione's been fun to write about, so I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks so much, as always!

**SMGF1:** Thank you, as always :]

**lightbabe:** Thank you so much for the kind words and the favoriting! I really appreciate it!

**Nikos Pyrr:** Ah, you're embarrassing me haha. I'm glad Rowan's role in Harry's life is coming across well. I definitely think he needs a mother-figure too. And I'm so happy you liked the Marauders scene! Their fates always make me sad, so I wanted to inject a little happiness between Sirius and Remus.

**Luuh2311:** HELLO! Thank you SO much! [I got your PM btw haha.] I'm glad you don't hate me because I was seriously [siriusly heh] touched by your review. It really means a lot to me when other writers compliment my work, and I can't tell you how thrilled I was while reading your review. I hope you tell your friends about the translation! The first few chapter should be coming along soon! Thank you so much again!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** I'm so glad you liked Aarini! She's a ton of fun to write. I have some interesting plans for her, so I hope you enjoy it eheh. And of course! I'm going to check out the new chapter now! Thanks so much, as always!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**September 7, 1994**

_Dear Rowan,_

_I'm sorry it's taken so long to write since getting back to school. It's been a crazy start of the year. The past week has gone by so quickly, I can hardly keep up. Despite the huge additional workloads the professors are giving us to prepare for next year's O.W.L.s, classes are going okay so far, though I really wish more than ever that I'd taken Arithmancy instead of Divination. [Don't tell Hermione I said that.] I don't understand how Percy ever convinced me it was a good idea to take that class. All Professor Trelawney does is tell me I'm going to die horribly and in the near future. It's not even annoying anymore, just exhausting.  
_

_We're hosting the Triwizard Tournament! I get the feeling you already know all about it, so I won't get into it, but the entire school is going crazy. Fred and George say they're entering, even though they're not of age. I'm really curious as to how they're going to manage around the magical restrictions the faculty put on however they choose contestants. _

_A part of me is relieved that I'm underage, while another wishes that I could compete. It sounds like a lot of unwanted attention, but at the same time, there's a part of me that desperately wants the challenge. I don't know. Is it arrogant for me to think that I could win? I know it is, but I can't help but feel like I've gone through a lot more than most of my classmates, even the older ones. I really think I could do it, but I guess I'll just have to wait for my turn, if they even have another while I'm in school. Maybe it's just that "arrogance of youth" you mentioned last time._

_Another big bit of news is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Ron says you know him - Alastor Moody. I'm not sure what to make of him, but he's definitely the most memorable out of all of the professors we've had so far, which is saying something. Draco Malfoy was making jabs about something stupid at me again, so I said something about his mum looking like she's permanently got dung under her nose [which is totally true, by the way]. When I was turned, Malfoy tried to hex me, but Moody caught him and turned him first into a ferret! He then bounced him up into the air maybe ten feet! Hermione was pretty horrified, but I can't say I'm sorry for him at all. He and his Death Eater dad can eat dung for all I care._

_But as entertainingly unpredictable Moody is, he's also very frightening. He's got that crazy blue eye and the wooden leg, and a huge part of his nose is missing. I don't know why I'm telling you - you're already mates with him, so you'd obviously know - but I just can't get over how much of a warrior he seems. I thought at first that maybe it came with the Auror territory, but Mina doesn't look anything like that, and my dad and Sirius didn't have any noticeable injuries, though I suppose they didn't exactly spend much time in the field._

_The most thrilling yet frightening thing he's done so far though is teach us about the Unforgivable Curses. He says the Ministry doesn't want us learning about them, but Dumbledore wants us to be aware. He showed all of them on a spider in front of the class. The Imperius Curse seemed pretty terrible, but the Cruciatus was really horrifying. Neville Longbottom - do you know his family too? - completely freaked out when he saw it. He was raised by his grandmother - did his parents die in the war like mine?_

_And the Killing Curse - I'd never even thought of _how_ Voldemort killed my parents, just that he did. I don't know why it never occurred to me that there was a specific curse used to murder people, but now that I do, I can't get the image of the green light out of my head. I don't know how to feel about it. My stomach has been turning since this afternoon, but I'm not sure if it's because I'm scared. I can hardly sit still and barely have the patience to even talk to Ron or Hermione. I can't explain it. It's much easier telling you about it, even though I've known them longer. Maybe it's because you've seen it. I have so many questions about the war that just keep piling up with the months. I don't want to bring up bad memories, but would you be willing to tell me about it eventually?_

_What do you think about me applying to the Auror Academy? I know it's a long way off still, but I can't think of anything else I'd want to do besides play Quidditch. McGonagall says we'll start discussing our career paths next year. I have some time, but it's still a little nerve-wracking. How did you decide?_

_That reminds me - you still haven't told me about you and Professor Lupin. Hermione thinks you started your research because of him. Is that true?_

_Anyway, I have a potions essay to write. I don't know how you can enjoy it so much. Maybe it was better for you in school because you didn't have Snape as a professor. There's another one I wouldn't mind seeing eating a load of dung. The first Hogsmeade trip of the year should be the second weekend of October, so I'll be sure to come by then! I have a lot of questions to ask you._

_- Harry_

* * *

**Chapter 17: ****Unforgivable**

I.

It was September, and the summer was beginning to shrink away, pulling out the chill of the coming autumn. Harry and the others had returned to Hogwarts just the week before. Harry had written to her to inform her that the Triwizard Tournament was going to be held again for the first time in many years, much to her surprise and chagrin. She was caught between a pull of emotions regarding the event - she knew she'd rake in much more profit from the influx of foreign students and spectators, but with such great events also undoubtedly came great problems. It was cynical to view such an exciting time so pessimistically, but after the Quidditch World Cup, she couldn't help but brace herself for the next bit of trouble. She was just grateful that Harry and the Weasley boys were underage - at least she wouldn't have to worry about their safety on top of everything else.

The day was bright and crisp. She could certainly feel autumn coming. She squinted blearily through the morning light that spilled into her shop, making a note to purchase some blinds for the windows. As she moved to unlock the door to the shop, it suddenly swung up. She yelped and leapt backward, pulling out her wand instinctively.

"Rowan, it's us!"

"Don't shoot!"

Rowan stopped, freezing in her defensive stance. She blinked dumbly as she took in the two lanky forms in front of her. She released a relieved breath.

"What are you two doing here?" Rowan asked tiredly. She looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's barely even 8 o'clock. Shouldn't you be at breakfast right now?" The twins grinned conspiratorially.

"Already ate!"

"Yep, snuck into the kitchens at dawn - knew we had to come see you before class."

Rowan frowned, realizing that it was only a Thursday, and there were no official Hogsmeade visits for the students for at least another month. She glared at them.

"You've got to be kidding. McGonagall will have my ass for this if she finds out that you two have been sneaking out of the castle to come see me," she said, but they still continued to grin.

"Fat chance of that," Fred said.

"Yeah, you know we know how to cover our tracks," George agreed. Rowan groaned and ushered them inside, looking around quickly for any sign of someone who might catch them.

"Okay, make this fast and get back up to the castle. What're you doing here?" she asked tiredly.

"We're here to see that you fulfill your side of our agreement!"

"Yeah, you said June, and it's September now, and we haven't heard anything from you!"

"So are you in or out?" they chorused.

Rowan blinked dumbly at them again. "What?" she asked. They groaned.

"Weasley Wizard Wheezes!" they both shouted at her. She recoiled at the sudden volume.

"We asked for help with some of our products, and you said to come back to you in June!"

"We're _so_ close to perfecting the Canary Creams, but we keep turning green, not yellow!"

"Green is fine - we can market different colors once we figure out _why_ we're turning green - but we still need help!"

"_Please?"_ they sang.

Rowan groaned. She did promise to help them, didn't she? It was much too early in the day for this. She'd hoped that they would have forgotten by now, but she should have known they would remember. She sighed.

"Fine," she relented. They cheered loudly. "But I want 5% of the profits from the Canary Creams and any other products I help develop, and any work I do for you is secondary to my primary research. Get me?"

They nodded eagerly. "Definitely!" George said.

"Most definitely!" Fred agreed._  
_

They both extended their hands out, and she took them awkwardly with both of hers. They shook her arms fiercely with giant grins. She had a terrible feeling she'd just made a pact with two devils.

"All right then!" Fred said, clapping his hands cheerily. He turned to George. "Time for school!"

"That's right! Books are calling!" George agreed. They both turned to Rowan with those shit-eating grins again. She cringed slightly.

"See you later, Winnie," they leered. And with that, they turned and were out the door, leaving her in the silence of her shop once more. The delicate sound of a bird's chirping trickled in over the void they suddenly left with the bright light of the September morning.

A small chuckle bubbled at the back of Rowan's throat. She laughed softly to herself and shook her head incredulously as she moved back to the laboratory.

"What have I gotten myself into?" she muttered.

* * *

II.

It was cool and gray the next evening. As Rowan and Mina stepped out of her shop to head to the Three Broomsticks, she assessed the swirling mass of clouds above. It would rain soon, she thought. Something about it seemed refreshing.

"Do you know what we'll be discussing?" Rowan asked Mina. The other woman shrugged.

"I think it's just a general update so everyone is on the same page. Moody is going to be here tonight though," Mina said. She gave a small smile, though Rowan could see the pleased look behind her eyes. She grinned.

"Teacher's pet," she teased. Her grin broadened at the slight blush on Mina's face. Her muscles twitched and stretched in bursts before finally pulling into a broad, resigned grin.

"I just haven't seen him in a while. That's all," she said. "I worry about him being retired - it's not like he has a lot of normal hobbies to keep him occupied, you know?" Rowan nodded. She tried to imagine the battle-worn Auror sitting down with a thick novel or adopting a dog - a pack of dogs seemed more appropriate - and found herself torn between a grimace and a grin.

"Yeah, I can't believe he retired at all. To be honest, I don't think I ever imagined him as a person beyond the uniform," Rowan admitted. "I don't think I've seen him since he retired, actually. What's it been, two years now?" Mina nodded. Rowan grinned as she thought of the old Auror.

"Well, I'm sure he'll be just as chipper as ever," she said brightly. Mina laughed.

* * *

In the back private room of the Leaky Cauldron, Remus sat with Kingsley Shacklebolt, Rubeus Hagrid, and Aberforth Dumbledore. His leg twitched beneath the table nervously as he attempted small talk with his older colleagues, but his mind was elsewhere. Specifically, it was fixated on a certain Potions Master, who was to be arriving at any moment now.

It had been a couple of weeks since he'd last seen her, and he wasn't sure if fifteen days had ever felt so long. The familiar frustration built up again at the pit of his stomach - he'd spent thirteen years away from her and after just seeing her once, he was already hooked again. What was wrong with him?

Indeed, he had to wonder if it was a natural chemistry or just the memory of the fierce love he'd once had for her that kept his mind racing. After all, he hadn't really seen her in over a decade - surely, she had changed leaps and bounds over the years. Though he often felt as if he were continuously stuck in the same pathetic cycle, she had accomplished some great things in the time they'd spent apart. She'd traveled and published and met fascinating people from far stretches of the world. How could she have _not_ changed? And assuming that she had, there was no reason for him to feel this sickening urge to be near her. She wasn't the same girl he'd loved so long ago, and surely, the woman she was now wouldn't be capable of loving the man he'd come to be.

But still, that gnawing ache remained. He faintly heard Hagrid's rumbling story, but his eyes continued to dart towards the door in anticipation. Each time he heard the faintest of creaks beyond the door, he held his breath, waiting for her to enter.

Finally, he heard a faint knock at the door with soft female voices from the other side, and his stomach lurched violently. Kingsley stood calmly and moved to answer the door. Tall and broad, he blocked the view of the callers as he went through the basic security measures, but as he stepped aside, the breath Remus had been holding seared through his nostrils. She was there.

As soon as she looked into the room, her gaze met his, and the smile from her face slipped slightly. She seemed to quickly get a grip on it, however, and pulled it back into place, though her eyes nervously darted from him to their other colleagues. Mina shot him a narrow look as she and Rowan moved towards the table. Remus made a move to stand to greet them, but just as he got his bearings on his legs, there was a loud clunk of wood on wood. They all looked up just in time to see the grizzly head of a familiar hunching figure - Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody.

Rowan's face lit up at the sight of their old ally. Remus' throat clenched slightly at the sight of her smile. He hadn't seen it so long, and now it was there, bright and blinding as ever, but directed at someone else. Would she ever look at him like that again?

The older man clunked in with the same unapologetic gait as he always had, wooden leg thumping along briskly. His hair was a bit paler, a bit thinner, than when he'd last seen him, and a few new heavy lines peeled across his face, but it was hard to tell if he looked older or not through all the scars and injuries. She leapt to her feet to greet the old man.

"Moody! It's so good to see you!" she said excitedly.

But to Remus' surprise, the old Auror stopped in his tracks at the sight of her. His good eye widened, and even his magical one stopped rolling, freezing to a point to focus entirely on her. She drew back hesitantly, and Remus frowned. He'd never seen Moody look at anyone like that, let alone her.

"What? What's with the look?" she asked nervously. "Do you see something?" She nearly looked around her but saw nothing unusual. She frowned and looked back up at him.

His lips tightened for a moment before his blue eye began to roll wildly again. She exhaled with relief as he shot her his usual crooked half-smile and blundered over to her. She leaned forward and hugged his hunching shoulders tightly [Remus wondered what it felt like to embrace her now]. When she let go, she frowned again.

"Are you okay? You're acting a bit off," she said suspiciously. She scanned over his face with heavy concern, but it was so hard to discern what was going on in the older man's head at any given moment. He waved her off.

"Leg's giving me some trouble, but otherwise just fine," he said gruffly and then looked her over once again. "You look good, Rowan. Been a long time," he said softly. Something clenched in Remus' stomach uncomfortably, but Rowan smiled teasingly at him.

"Okay, that leg must be giving you _a lot _of trouble if you're calling me 'Rowan,'" she joked.

He scowled. "What do I usually call you?" he growled._  
_

"Usually it's just 'Delacroix' or 'girl,'" she said thoughtfully. "I don't think I've ever heard you call _anyone_ by their given names." Remus nearly nodded with agreement - that's what had bothered him; however, Moody just muttered to himself and plopped onto the stool next to hers. She laughed again and sat back down. Even Moody had to get old some time, it seemed.

* * *

"How's the situation at the Ministry looking with _The Daily Prophet_?" Aberforth asked.

Kingsley grimaced. "We've got in under control for now, but that Skeeter woman is putting us through the paces."

"Still no word on Bertha Jorkins?" the younger Dumbledore asked.

"No, nothing yet," Kingsley said grimly. "I keep urging Ludo to start an investigation into her absence, but he insists she's probably lost."

Moody scowled. "Bagman's a simpleton if there ever was one," he growled. "Jorkins' missing status is a red flag. That woman got caught by a snake. I'd bet my good leg on it."

"Back at the end of July, Harry wrote to me to tell me his scar had been hurting," Rowan said quietly. Her companions all turned to look at her. Dark looks were shared across the table. Remus felt his throat clench at the sight of Rowan's anxious expression. "He sent it just before going to the Burrow, but I didn't get a chance to read it until after the World Cup. By the time I asked him about it, he didn't seem very concerned, but I could tell from the letter that it alarmed him at the time."

"Has he mentioned it hurting again since?" Kingsley asked gravely. Rowan shook her head.

"You know how hard it is pulling information out of teenage boys - I don't think I'll be able to get anything out of him unless I see him in person," she said. She looked around, though Remus noticed that she avoided his gaze with a dull twinge. "Do you know anything about this? I can't imagine it'd be hurting randomly. It must have something to do with Voldemort," she insisted. She looked to Moody questioningly. The old Auror shook his head.

"I've never heard of the likes, but I'll look into it. Dumbledore might know. I'll ask him," he said. Rowan's grimace deepened.

"I've already asked him, but he only has a few theories, all of which seem as likely as the next," she said tiredly. Moody nodded.

"He'll be fine, girl. I reckon he'll tough it out," he said gruffly. Rowan's eyebrows furrowed.

"That's exactly what I'm worried about though. I don't want him trying to take it all on by himself. If he's having weird dreams and feeling scar pains, he needs to say something. And what if it turns into more than that? What if Voldemort can feel him too?" she argued suddenly. Her eyes flared angrily.

"Don't say his name!" Moody snapped suddenly. The entire table seemed to recoil.

"What?" Rowan retorted. Her eyes narrowed at the older man. "Since when do you care about using his name?" she asked accusingly. Moody grimaced.

"We're in a public place. You don't know who will be listening," he said.

"It's fine. I set the defensive perimeter around the room," said Mina.

"Don't trust it," Moody snorted derisively. Mina leaned back slightly with a heavy frown. Remus nearly missed the flash of hurt in her face.

"Have you heard at all from our friend Snuffles?" Moody continued.

Mina's lips twisted, eyes narrowing to a point on the table. Rowan shot her a wary glance before looking back up at Kingsley, but Remus sat forward.

"He's in Sardinia, but he will be returning soon," Remus said. They all turned to look at him. Rowan frowned. He felt a flare of triumph in his chest as her gaze finally fell upon him.

"You've spoken with him?"

Remus turned to see Mina looking at him intensely. Rowan shot her a quick, careful glance, but Mina kept her gaze on him. To his surprise, she didn't have the same angry expression he was becoming accustomed to. Her lips were tight, gaze searching. He smiled faintly and nodded.

"A few weeks ago, on the night of the Quidditch final. He mentioned Harry's scar hurting as well, which is why he's coming back. He mentioned getting in contact with you, Rowan," he said, nodding to her. She jumped slightly with surprise before grimacing slightly with embarrassment. He couldn't help but smile at the endearing expression. She averted her gaze once more.

Kingsley sighed. "Well, this will make our redirection of the investigation a bit more complicated, but it should be fine," he said. He sighed again and then looked up with a steady smile. "I suppose that's it for now. I'm sorry we don't have more to go on, but Dumbledore and I thought it'd be good for us all to stay up to date."

There were murmurs of agreement and then Kingsley adjourned the meeting. Stools shrieked and shifted against the wood floor. Remus strained his ears to hear the soft laughter Rowan directed at Moody as he muttered to himself some gravelly complaint about useless meetings. He kept his gaze on her, waiting for her to look up at him. Finally, her eyes darted up to meet his for the briefest of moments before looking back down. They then flickered back up and down and then up again. That pink tint emerged on her cheeks. Something growled with satisfaction within him.

Unfortunately, Mina chose to then lean over and say something to Rowan softly. She made a gesture for the door, and Rowan nodded and turned to follow her out. Remus stood quickly, eyes glued onto Rowan's form. She shot him another hesitant glance before turning away. His head pounded. He made a move towards her and Mina, but a rough hand clasped around his forearm. He spun quickly to see the marred face of Alastor Moody looking up at him.

"Lupin," he greeted. Remus glanced back at Rowan. She shot him a shy glance and hesitated a moment before moving towards the exit with Mina. Panic hit Remus - he was going to miss his chance! Moody tugged on his arm again.

"I need to talk to you about those lesson plans you sent me," he said.

Remus looked back towards the door to see Rowan's form retreating behind it. There was the briefest of sidelooks, and then she was gone. Remus wanted to scream with frustration.

"Sorry, Moody, I need to do something right now. I'll owl you this week!" he rambled quickly before pulling his arm from the older man's grasp. And with that, he ran for the door after the two young women.

* * *

"Rowan! Mina!"

The two women turned at the shout. Rowan's shoulders stiffened at the sound. She'd half-expected Remus to come chasing after them with an anticipation she was hesitant to call hope. She'd seen his eager looks after the meeting and had felt a sharp pang as she'd left slowly, feeling foolish for giving him any opportunity to approach her. She shot Mina a quick glance - the scowl she'd expected wasn't there. Instead, Mina was gazing intensely at the man with a heavy focus and furrowed brows, as if trying to sort out a puzzle. He smiled sheepishly as he reached them.

"Hi," he breathed. Rowan's lips twitched awkwardly.

"Hi," she replied. He seemed to be pulling for words.

"Um," he started, "how are you?"

Rowan's lips twitched again with some confusion. Did he really just ask that? His face seemed to melt with some interior violence, most likely silently berating himself with the same question.

"We're fine. And you?" Rowan answered politely.

"Great, excellent," he said dumbly. She couldn't help but smile crookedly. He didn't seem to even register his own response. "Um," he started again, "are you two busy right now? Do you have time to... to get a drink or something?" he asked hopefully.

Rowan did smile at this. "Remus, it's nearly 1 o'clock," she said.

Remus frowned and looked down at his watch. He grimaced with embarrassment momentarily before looking back up at them again sheepishly. "Indeed it is," he said. "I guess I lost track of time." He ran an anxious hand through his hair. Rowan's eyes darted up to follow the movement. She smiled softly - that habit had remained over the years, it seemed.

"Next time."

Rowan looked up with surprise at Mina, who was looking at Remus still fixedly, but there was a softness there Rowan hadn't expected. She fought the impulsive frown and looked back up at Remus with an awkward smile. He looked hopeful.

"All right," he said, smiling almost bashfully. "Next time." Rowan nodded, and with a few goodnights, the pair of women continued on their way.

"You were awfully polite back there," Rowan noted quietly. Mina frowned.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Rowan smiled a bit.

"I mean you haven't exactly been friendly since seeing him again, but tonight, you were pretty nice. Did something happen?" she asked curiously.

Mina continued to frown thoughtfully. "I don't know," she said. "I just... I don't know."

Rowan frowned this time. "What?"

Mina sighed and pinched her nose bridge. "I don't know," she repeated with some frustration. "I mean, he's a right bastard. I know this, but lately, I haven't been able to muster the same anger as before. I'm not sure what it is exactly," she explained. Rowan noted the twitch at the corner of her mouth. Finally, Mina sighed.

"I heard from Sirius, too."

Rowan's eyes widened. "When?" she asked.

"Also about three weeks ago, though the first was after he escaped," Mina said quietly. "A letter arrived at my office the day he fled the country and then another showed up at my flat the day after the Quidditch final, saying he was coming back." She stared hard at the ground as they continued to walk. "It was barely anything though - just a quick two-sentence note. I couldn't have told you where he's been for the past few months or why he had decided to come back."

Rowan nodded as she slowly began to understand. "But he's obviously been talking to Remus," she said knowingly. Mina nodded sullenly.

"I feel like I should be resentful. I was when I first heard Remus say it earlier, but another part of me is so relieved that they're speaking again," Mina said almost breathlessly. Rowan looked up to see Mina's eyes crinkled bittersweetly. She also felt her face stretch into a slow smile.

"You still love him," Rowan said.

Mina stiffened for a moment, eyes narrowing briefly before relaxing again. She snorted and shook her head with a sad smile but didn't say anything. Rowan smiled at her friend and then turned forward again. She could feel the chill of autumn whispering in the air. She hoped that Sirius was staying warm, wherever he was.


	19. Liebling

**A/N: **HEY THIS IS A DOUBLE POST. Rowan and Remus finally get some UST time in. Wooooo!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**July 22, 1995**

_Dear Remus,_

_I turned 25 the other day - a quarter of a century. Insane, isn't it? It feels like it was just yesterday that we were all laying around the lake together with our books sprawling out around us. I can't believe how quickly time has passed since those happy days. I can't believe how much has changed._

_I received a letter from Heinrich yesterday. We've been writing every so often since I left Hungary, which has naturally dwindled over the past couple of years, but he's always made sure to write to me for my birthday, which is much too kind of a sentiment. But this year, he told me something new: he's getting married._

_I'm not jealous of her, certainly. I have no feelings for him - I _never _had feelings for him - but the knowledge that everyone around me is moving on is slowly devastating. She sounds like a lovely woman. He says she looks a bit like me, though I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Maybe he just has a type, and I happened to fit it. I imagine she's sweeter than I am. She probably cooks better too. There I go again, spiraling into self-pity. I really am happy for him though. I just need to remember we're both better off this way._

_But thinking about Heinrich brought up old memories - of you and of Alan and Barty. Did you hear about Barty? There was a really small article in the paper last year, the tiniest little blurb on like page 7. I couldn't believe it didn't get more press. He died in Azkaban. I know I shouldn't be upset about it, but when I read that article, I started crying. I never loved him, not even close, and I don't miss him at all, but even after all of the terrible things he did, I can't help but pity him. I'm often filled with "what ifs" when it comes to him. What if he'd been sorted somewhere else? What if he'd had different parents? What if I'd befriended him earlier?_

_He hated his father, did you know? Right before you and I got back together, he told me how he wished he'd been born to different parents or that his mother had at least been stronger. He compared our fathers, and I have to admit there are many similarities between the two of them. It makes me wonder if I could have developed that way if Barty and I had switched places. I wonder if Barty Sr. ever considered how badly his son might turn out due to his negligence. I wonder if he regrets anything or blames himself. I've seen him here and there over the past couple of years but haven't spoken to him at length. He seems to avoid my eye. I'd like to think it's because of guilt._

_But I guess Barty is gone. It's strange. It's almost as if the last bits of the war have faded away, like most people have completely forgotten. So why do I keep holding onto it? I keep telling myself that one day I'll be able to spend an entire day without it crossing my mind. Maybe I'll be completely over you by then._

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 18: Liebling**

I.

October passed with little incident in either work or Order affairs. Rowan and Mina heard nothing from Sirius, and Harry was so busy with schoolwork that she didn't hear from him as much as she would have liked. Indeed, he was so swamped with homework that Rowan told him to stay at the castle on the first Hogsmeade trip to do his work thoroughly, much to his dismay. He'd written her the week before to tell her all about the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons representatives and the excitement over the Goblet of Fire. He'd seemed especially excited about the presence of Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian Quidditch star. She and Mina were already planning on going to watch the First Task together to see Harry and the others.

Despite the meeting in September, Rowan hadn't heard from Remus since. She supposed she and Mina had promised "next time," but since there had been no need to meet again in the past month, there had been no opportunities to actually see him. She grimaced - she should be thinking of them as "occasions" not "opportunities."

But even so, his hopeful face still burned into her mind. She scoured her mind for a reason for his sudden eagerness to speak to her again after so many years of silence. Her stomach clenched - did he remember the morning after the full moon in June? She'd reasoned that with the exhaustion, he most likely would forget her being there in the Hospital Wing with him, but perhaps he _did_ remember. It made her want to scream with frustration. She was so weak, even after all this time! Why couldn't she have just left the dittany with Madam Pomfrey? Why did she have to stay there with him? _Thirteen years, Delacroix!_ her mind screamed. Thirteen years away from him, and yet she _still_ fell apart the moment she saw him. It was mortifying. She was a grown woman in every sense, but she regressed into a trembling girl in his presence. Remus Lupin was dangerous, very dangerous indeed.

Rowan sighed over her notebook. Over the page was a detailed account of expenses and inventory. The numbers all seemed to blur together. She rubbed her eyes blearily. Though she certainly loved her career, this was the one part she couldn't stand. Usually Isaac took care of it, but she thought maybe she'd give the taxes and accounts a shot this month. Clearly, it was a bad idea.

_Ring._

Rowan looked up from the counter just as the door swung open and then shut. But there was no one there. She frowned deeply and immediately reached for her wand.

"Rowan, it's just me!"

There was a swoosh of cloth, and suddenly, the lanky form of her godson was standing in front of her, smiling sheepishly. Rowan's face lit up as she ran around the counter.

"Merlin, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" she laughed as she hugged him. He grinned as he embraced her back. "What're you doing with the cloak? Where are the others?" she asked.

Unexpectedly, Harry glowered. Rowan frowned questioningly.

"Hermione is at the Three Broomsticks, and Ron can go suck a Blast-Ended Skrewt for all I care," he spat.

Rowan's frown deepened, but she directed Harry to the stool at the counter before sitting down at the other and summoning the kettle from the cupboard.

"Okay, start from the beginning," she said slowly. "And tell me what a Blast-Ended Skrewt is."

* * *

"I see."

Rowan mulled over Harry's story darkly as he finished recounting the details of the Goblet of Fire's fourth competitor and all the problems that followed. Harry was glaring angrily into his tea, indignation renewed after revisiting all of it for Rowan.

"I just... I don't understand why it had to be me. Why couldn't I just have a normal year, just this once?" Harry fumed.

Rowan's heart ached for him. Why indeed? It seemed that her godson had bad luck following him everywhere he went, even chasing him to Hogwarts. A flicker of anger simmered in her chest. Even after all of the misfortunes he'd endured in childhood, Voldemort and his followers still hadn't thought he'd suffered enough.

"You have no idea who could've placed your name in the Goblet?" Rowan asked quietly. Harry shook his head, still glaring bitterly at the mug between his hands.

"No, but they should feel proud - they're pretty close to ruining my life," he said melodramatically. Rowan sighed.

"I'm sorry, Harry. There really isn't anything I can tell you to make this better," she said sadly. "But I can promise that Ron will come around. He's a bit of an idiot sometimes, but he's just jealous right now. He'll come to his senses soon."

Harry snorted. "I'd gladly give him my spot in the tournament. If he wants to be champion so bad, they should just let him. I certainly don't want it," he said darkly. Rowan smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry, Harry," she said again. "Tell me about the rest of the tournament. You must be at least _a little_ excited, right? What are the other contestants like?" she asked encouragingly. To her relief, Harry smiled a bit.

"They're all really impressive. The other Hogwarts champion is Cedric Diggory. He's captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team."

Rowan nodded knowingly. "I know his parents. His dad's a bit of an ass," she said. Harry laughed and nodded. The tension in Rowan's stomach released slightly.

"Yeah, I met him at the World Cup. I got the same impression," he agreed. "The Beauxbatons champion is a girl named Fleur Delacour. Rumor is she's a quarter Veela or something. Ron's really got it for her." Rowan nodded and imagined an ethereal, pale-haired girl. She wondered if Claire had any Veela in her. "And the last is Viktor Krum from Durmstrang."

Rowan's eyes widened. _"The_ Krum?" she asked incredulously. Harry nodded sullenly.

"Yeah, he's even more intimidating in person. How am I supposed to compete with an international Quidditch star?" he despaired. Rowan smiled.

"Quidditch star doesn't equate to skilled wizard. And no matter how famous or old he is, you have much more experience in practical magic than most wizards your age. I really think you'll be fine. You just have to make it through," she said consolingly. Harry nodded but still frowned.

"I guess, but I think the other Headmasters are more willing to cheat for their students than Dumbledore is. You can tell they're really determined to bring home the trophy for their schools."

Rowan nodded. "Makes sense. I'm sure there's pressure to look good next to Dumbledore," she reasoned. "Who're the Headmasters from the other schools? I haven't kept up with them since their administrations changed after I graduated."

"From Beauxbatons, it's this woman named Olympe Maxime. I think she's part giant. She's even taller than Hagrid," Harry said. "And the other is a man named Igor Karkaroff."

All the blood drained from Rowan's face. "Igor Karkaroff?" she breathed. Harry's frown deepened. He looked up at her with heavy confusion.

"Do you know him?" he asked carefully.

Rowan couldn't even nod her head. All the sound of the street outside seemed to fade away momentarily. Distantly, she heard her old master's shrill shrieks, the sickening crunch of his body flailing against the cobblestone street outside. She thought of the unconscious Death Eater laying in the snow, his yellow teeth bared. Her vision focused once more on her godson. The heat rushed back into her face like a tidal wave.

"Harry, you need to stay away from that man," she hissed. Harry recoiled slightly at her sudden ferocity. "Igor Karkaroff is a Death Eater, and if what you've told me about your scar is true - if Trelawney's prophecy from the spring is true - then you have to stay far away from anyone like him. Do you understand?"

Harry's eyes scanned over her face carefully, taking in her warnings. "You knew him then - from the war," he said knowingly. Rowan's lips tightened. She nodded.

"Fifteen years ago when I was still an apprentice, my master Damocles Belby was murdered in this very shop," she said quietly. Harry's eyes widened with horror. "He was trapped and burnt alive downstairs by two Death Eaters. One's name was Evan Rosier, and the other was Igor Karkaroff."

Harry's face went pale. "But how?" he breathed. "How is he not in jail? How can he be a professor at all?" Rowan trembled with anger.

"He gave up a lot of his comrades towards the end of the war, so the Ministry gave him a lenient sentence. I suppose he gained enough favor with the Barty Crouch that he was able to get out of prison time," she said darkly. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"Crouch? The Head of International Magical Cooperation?" he asked. Rowan smiled thinly.

"Back in the old days, he used to be the Head of Magical Law Enforcement. He was even vetted to be the next Minister of Magic when Millicent Bagnold stepped down, but after the scandal with his son, he lost a lot of support and was eventually shunted off to his current department in favor of Fudge. I can't say that I'm upset about it," she growled. "That man isn't trustworthy either. The idea of him being our country's leader is disturbing, to say the least."

"What happened with his son?" Harry asked.

Rowan glowered as she thought of Barty Jr. It'd been so long since he'd come to her mind. After she'd heard news of his death in Azkaban, she'd stored nearly all of her memories of him away in her cupboard of glass vials. His presence was simply too heavy of a burden in her mind. Should she tell him? She opened her mouth to answer but then there was a ringing at the door. They both looked up.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Hermione exclaimed as she moved in from the street. Her smile faltered as the weight of the air around Rowan and Harry hit her. "Is everything okay?" she asked tentatively. Rowan offered a faint smile.

"Yeah, just talking over the tournament," she said vaguely. Harry shot her a wary look, but she didn't press the matter further. "Care for some tea?" she asked. Hermione shook her head.

"No, thank you. We actually need to get back up to the castle. It's getting pretty late," she said, looking to Harry. He and Rowan looked up to the wall to see that it was nearing 6 o'clock. Harry sighed and downed the rest of his tea before looking back up at Rowan.

"Cut off again," she said, smiling warmly at Harry. He nodded and smiled back. The tension released a little more with relief at that expression.

"Finish the story next time?" he asked. Rowan nodded.

"I'll be here," she said. She moved around the counter to see them out. As Hermione reached for the door, Harry stopped to hug Rowan tightly.

"Thanks for hearing me out, Rowan. I really appreciate it," he said. Rowan smiled and squeezed him tightly.

"I'm always here for you, Harry," she said. Her voice then lowered. "Remember what I said about Karkaroff. Something tells me it wasn't him who put your name in the Goblet - he's a coward more than anything - but I still don't want you anywhere near him."

Harry nodded gravely, while Hermione's eyes widened. Rowan offered her a small smile.

"I'm sure he'll update you. You be careful, too," she said. Hermione nodded quickly.

The door chimed, and Rowan waved them off into the quickly fading orange light of evening; however, as she turned back to the shop, her mouth pulled downward once again. She made a beeline for her nearest roll of parchment. She needed to write a letter to Dumbledore. She had some choice words for the older man.

* * *

II.

Claire Verloren knew that beyond her tendency at extreme embarrassment, she was a brave woman. Indeed, she believed she was even braver than most Gryffindors, for it took great courage to overcome one's natural embarrassment to pursue one's goals, surely, and if there were a single word to describe her general mood, it would be embarrassed. She'd pushed past her shy nature to secure a position as the great Rowan Delacroix's first and only apprentice. She'd graduated first in her year at Hogwarts. She even interacted with nearly a dozen werewolves on a monthly basis, fighting off judgmental looks from other clients and the occasional prejudiced comments.

But this was too much. She didn't know how anyone could expect her to assist Will Surrey in even a task as menial as helping him choose first aid potions. He was much too close, much too handsome. Sure, he was just as friendly as anyone else, but she could barely keep her hands steady as she pulled a few vials to the front of the shelves for him. Finally, she was able to get a firm grasp on the bottle at the back he'd requested and pulled it to the front.

"Here," she mumbled, holding it out for him to take. She made sure to grasp just the top so their hands wouldn't meet. He took the bottle with a smile.

"Thanks a lot," he said cheerily. She nodded and hazarded a glance upward only to feel her face burn at the handsome smile there. She looked back down and moved towards the register. He made a move to follow her.

"No problem," she said quickly. She ran her fingers over the keys quickly. "That's 16 sickles," she said. She both dreaded and hoped he'd leave faster.

Will reached into his pocket and fumbled around for the coins. Claire watched him carefully, noting the way he bit his lip as he felt around. When he looked back up - a victorious smile on his face - she looked back down again. Her arms shot out to accept the payment clumsily, face burning again. Her heart leapt as his fingers grazed her palms briefly before retracting her arms again and handing him the receipt.

But to her surprise, he didn't move to the door. She frowned and looked up cautiously to see him assessing her thoughtfully. She felt her lips tremble, but she couldn't look away. His eyes were much too blue, too strong.

"You know, I never realized it before, but you're really pretty," he said suddenly. His head cocked slightly. "How have I never noticed?"

Claire choked on her tongue, coughing suddenly. Will's mouth pulled into a wide grin, and she knew her face was most likely maroon with embarrassment. He leaned forward slightly. Her lungs hit her throat as his hand reached forward, taking a loose strand of hair and tucking it behind her ear. She was sure the skin there might burn away.

"You should wear your hair out of your face more often. Seems like a waste to hide something so cute," he said teasingly. Claire didn't dare breathe.

But then he pulled away with that same grin. "Well, I'll see you around, Verloren. Thanks again for the help," he said. He winked and then turned, and with a ring of the door, he was gone.

Claire inhaled.

* * *

III.

It was a bright November morning in Hogsmeade. The air felt particularly crisp, Rowan noted, as she opened up the shop for the day. She trailed her eyes over her daily schedule and inventory that needed to be refilled before moving a large cauldron to the end of her counter. Its contents smoked and billowed over the surface. With a slight nod to herself, she checked off the numerous tall glasses in her cupboard – she'd need several today, as it was exactly a week before the full moon.

The doorbell chimed – right on time, she thought. She turned with a smile.

"Good morning! How can I-" she started, but then her words seemed to dry up. The man in the doorway smiled softly.

"Good morning, Master Delacroix," he said. Rowan's lips twitched for a moment – to frown or smile? She settled with an awkward smile.

"Good morning, Remus."

* * *

Remus gasped with a grimace as he downed the glass of Wolfsbane. Rowan couldn't help the grin that emerged as she watched his face contort with discomfort at the bitter taste. She offered him a slice of bread in consolation, which he took gratefully.

"It really doesn't ever get better, does it?" he asked, swallowing the bread down. Rowan laughed lightly.

"Another one of my patients said the same thing not too long ago. But no, the taste seems to be one of the only things I can't improve," she said sheepishly. Remus nodded sullenly as he chewed the remaining bread. Rowan took his glass, which was still smoking, and vanished away the trace bits of potion.

"How many patients do you have?" Remus asked. Rowan smiled faintly.

"Claire gets about eleven at the London apothecary. I have nineteen or so," she said. She then glanced up at him and felt her smile stretch a bit. "Twenty, now," she added. She could feel Remus smile. She pointed the tip of her wand to the glass and quickly mixed in the bright green revitalizing potion.

As she pushed it across the counter again, Remus smiled fondly at the green mixture. He held it up to the light.

"This is really a remarkable potion, Winnie. I can't tell you how much easier it's been managing the condition with this," he said with some awe. He then lowered the glass back down and looked up at her. "I never got the chance to thank you for the portion you left for me with Dumbledore last fall. That was very generous of you," he said.

Rowan felt her chest tighten at his kind gaze. And he'd called her "Winnie." She had to avert her eyes, waving his words off as casually as she could and turning to busy her hands with something.

"It was nothing, really," she said awkwardly, turning to stir the potion a few times. It was totally unnecessary, but if she held his gaze too long, she knew she'd make a fool of herself. She marveled at how nervous she was around him, after all this time. She suddenly felt like an awkward teenager again. It was absurd.

Remus placed the glass back down on the counter as he finished the potion. Rowan took it quickly without another glance back up at him, though she could feel his gaze on her.

"Rowan," he said softly. She felt her shoulders stiffen at the sound of her name on his lips. He said it so tenderly. It was nearly cruel. "I-"

But then the bell rang again. She let out a breath of relief and turned quickly, pulling the glass back from her cupboard in anticipation.

But instead of one of her familiar patients' faces, she saw a tall blonde man with a strong jaw and tanned skin. His smile was bright and wide and directed fully on her. She nearly squealed.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed. Her feet tore around the corner, making sure as to make eye contact with Remus. The blonde man swept her into his arms. They'd always reminded her of tree branches, rough and corded. She laughed brightly as he squeezed her and then set her back down with a roguish grin. He took her face in his hands and assessed her approvingly.

"Gorgeous as ever, liebling," he said brightly. She blushed slightly under his scrutiny, which made him grin even more broadly. He removed his hands.

"What on earth are you doing here?" asked Rowan, still beaming. Her stomach fluttered at the sight of her old friend.

"I'm here to see you, of course," he teased. Rowan laughed and swatted his arm.

"You know what I mean. In England!" she said.

But then she heard a creak behind her and turned to see Remus stepping up beside her. He smiled politely at the German man. Rowan's stomach lurched with embarrassment.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm being terribly rude. Heinrich, this is my friend Remus Lupin. We went to Hogwarts together," she said hurriedly. Her tongue nearly tripped on the word "friend." Would they call themselves friends now, after all this time? "Remus, this is Heinrich Berger. We met while I was in Hungary. I haven't seen him in over a decade!"

She hazarded a glance up at both men's faces. They both smiled pleasantly enough at each other, but she could feel a strange electricity between them, as if testing the other's energy. Remus extended a hand, much to Rowan's relief.

"Wonderful to meet you, Heinrich," he said warmly. Heinrich met it and shook it strongly. Rowan was certain they were squeezing a bit more firmly than they would have with anyone else. Her chest felt very tight.

"Likewise," Heinrich said. They then released hands quickly, and Rowan felt some of the anxiety trickle away.

"Oh, come in, please. Can I offer you some tea or anything?" she said, moving back around the counter. For some reason, she wanted to put as much space as possible between her and both of the men.

"No, no, that won't be necessary. I don't have long – just wanted to come say hello," Heinrich said. Both he and Remus moved back to the counter. She noted there was a comfortable distance between them.

"So are you going to tell me what you're actually doing here?" she asked with a smile. Heinrich grinned.

"Well, that wouldn't be any fun, would it?" he teased. Rowan glared playfully, avoiding Remus' gaze. Heinrich's grin broadened. "It's for the Triwizard Tournament they're hosting here. I'm sure you can put two and two together," he added.

Rowan frowned for a moment. Why would he-

"You're joking!" she blurted, eyes widening. "Dragons? They're not fighting dragons!" she exclaimed. Her stomach lurched as she thought of Harry facing off against one of those giant creatures.

"Sh, sh, sh!" Heinrich shushed quickly. She shut her mouth and he smiled. "It's a secret. No one is supposed to know," he said. "But I figured I could trust you with a secret. That, and I didn't think I could hold off on coming to see you until the First Task," he said flirtatiously.

But Rowan didn't blush this time. Her mind was already rushing to Harry's side. A dragon? How on earth was that boy supposed to fight a dragon? Should she warn him? But that would be cheating! She wanted to scream and smash her face on the counter with frustration.

Heinrich seemed to read her face. "It will be fine, liebling. We'll be there to ensure that the competitors are safe. Nothing will happen, trust me," he said reassuringly. He gave her his best smile. It did little to assuage her worries, though she smiled back weakly and nodded. She couldn't really respond though.

"Well, I should get going," he said a bit stiffly. This reunion obviously hadn't gone according to his plan. "Maybe you can come see the dragons yourself. Seeing me and Charlie handle them might make you feel a bit better about it," he offered.

Rowan rolled this idea around. So that's how Charlie was going to be involved. She kicked herself for not putting this together sooner. She nodded.

"Sure. That could be interesting," she said, offering a stiff smile. She wished she could act a bit more excited about this. After all, seeing dragons up close was a rare experience.

But her mind was elsewhere. She barely heard Heinrich's goodbyes or felt the affectionate kiss he pecked on her cheek as she walked him to the door. She didn't know if she was frowning or smiling as she waved him off vaguely, but as she turned back to the counter, she noted the deep frown on Remus' face directed at her and suddenly remembered that he was there as well.

"You're worried about Harry," he said. Rowan's lips twitched. She nodded. He smiled softly, reassuringly. Her stomach clenched at the gentle expression. "I know it's not much, but I can tell you that Harry's a much stronger wizard than most at his age. He's very resourceful. He'll figure it out," he said. Rowan nodded weakly again.

"Should I tell him?" she asked quietly, mostly to herself. Remus frowned again.

"I don't know," he said. "It's tradition for the competitors to cheat, isn't it?" he said thoughtfully. He turned the idea over in his head. "I suppose it's up to you."

Rowan nodded again. She didn't like the idea of cheating, but if he went into the challenge unprepared, Harry could get seriously injured. Remus smiled in understanding.

"Think about it for now. You have time to decide," he suggested. Rowan nodded again with a sigh and then moved back around the counter. She felt Remus' gaze still on her and looked up hesitantly. His brow was furrowed slightly. She frowned questioningly.

"So you met Heinrich while abroad?" he asked carefully.

Rowan frowned. She'd completely forgotten about Heinrich, despite him being there not even minutes before. She noted the confused look on Remus' face. There didn't seem to be any recognition there. Her stomach clenched as it dawned on her – all this time, he really hadn't read any of them. Something deep within her hurt excruciatingly. It was flummoxing. Why did it hurt so much?

"Yes," she said, turning away quickly. She was suddenly hit with a need to laugh and cry all at once. Why was this happening, after all this time? "He's a dragon researcher from Germany. I met him while I was in Hungary studying the Bakony Lunar Flowers," she said. She crouched down pretended to be organizing something on the shelves behind the counter to keep her gaze averted.

Remus frowned, though she didn't see it. She knew she was acting strangely – that he'd recognize her discomfort – but she didn't care. Why should she? And he couldn't assume this was strange for her anyway. They'd been apart for nearly thirteen years, after all. What did he really know about her anymore?

"Were you together?"

Rowan's stomach lurched, but she nearly laughed. "Not really," she said. She had a strange sense of déjà vu. She'd already told him all of this, even if he hadn't been listening. It was haunting almost. She kicked herself slightly – she suddenly wished she'd told him that they _had _been together, though that would have been petty. "He wanted me to be with him, but I haven't been interested in that sort of thing for a long time now," she said honestly. She smiled softly to herself. "He actually asked me to stay with him in Hungary. Ridiculous, isn't it?"

But Remus didn't respond this time. Rowan's hands stilled as she sighed and realized she couldn't stay ducked beneath the counter for long without looking even more like a fool than she did now. She took a breath and stood slowly, where she was met with Remus' frown.

"He called you something – liebling," he said.

Rowan nodded and felt her face burn slightly as he mentioned it. "Yes, it's German for 'darling' or 'dearest' or something like that," she said awkwardly. Rowan's brow furrowed with confusion as she saw Remus' gaze darken slightly.

"I see," he said quietly. But then he seemed to take a breath and push the thought away. He looked up again and smiled. Rowan's frown deepened.

"Well, it's always nice being reunited with old friends," he said earnestly. Rowan nodded hesitantly, unsure as to what he was referring. He then sighed. "Will you be going to see Harry compete?" he asked.

The sound of Harry's name broke Rowan from her dark stupor. She smiled. "Yes, Mina and I were going to go together," she said. She smiled shyly. "Would you like to join us?" she asked. She knew it was probably a bad idea. Mina would probably give her an earful, but if they were going to be seeing each other again through the Order, she might as well try to rekindle at least the barest of friendships with him, right?

Remus smiled warmly. "That sounds fantastic," he said. Rowan nodded and felt her chest tighten again, but this time, she didn't look away. He then frowned. "How is Harry? I can't imagine this has been a welcome turn of events for him."

Rowan also frowned. "Yeah, he stopped by the other day, and we talked about it. Apparently he's getting a lot of crap from the other kids at school. A lot of them think he cheated to get his name into the goblet. Even Ron isn't speaking to him right now."

Remus' frown deepened. "What? Why?" he asked.

Rowan sighed. "Jealousy, probably. There's no way Ron actually believes Harry cheated, but it must be difficult to be the best mate of the Boy Who Lived, you know?"

Remus nodded sullenly. Rowan shot him a hesitant glance and noted the empathetic look. She remembered Remus' similar feelings of inadequacy when they were younger. Indeed, being the best mate of Sirius Black and James Potter was no easy feat either; however, unlike Ron, Remus was humble and talented enough to shine in his own quiet way. As much as Rowan hated to admit it, Ron wasn't as talented as Harry and having five brilliant older brothers only made the weight on Ron's shoulders that much heavier.

"Well, I'm sure they'll make up sooner or later. Ron will come around soon, and you're here to support Harry through this," Remus said warmly.

Rowan nodded and returned the smile genuinely but had to look away. It was too much, seeing him look at her like that. _Small steps_, she told herself silently. She'd get used to this sooner or later. It may just take a little more time.


	20. The First Task

**A/N:** Hello, sorry for the delay. I was out of town and then got sick. Hope you're all doing well! Thank you so much for the reviews while I was away! Here's a long one for you guys. There's a lot going on in this chapter.

**MajestyLove56:** Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're still following along! No double post this time, but it's a long one! Besides, you've probably had a decent dosage of Remus and Rowan with the 17-chapter binge, right? ^^ Thanks for the review and for coming back!

**Marylin C:** Thank you so much for taking the time to write me a review! I appreciate all the work you've been putting in the translations and hope you're not straining yourself! Make sure to take care of yourself first! I also think Harry needs a bit of parental guidance during these times, so I'm hoping Rowan can fill that void somewhat. It makes me really happy to hear that you appreciate the growth in the characters as the story has developed, and I'm glad you're here to finish the journey with me in such a unique way! Thank you again, and take care of yourself!

**lovirosa:** Thank you so much! I'm excited about Mina and Sirius too :]

**missalex3030:** Hahaha I laughed a bit when I read your review. Sorry for the emotional rollercoaster, but you know I love being cruel. I'm so happy you liked the scene between Remus and Sirius. I'm excited for them to be legit reunited again. I'm so glad you're still emotionally invested. Thank you, as always! I hope work has let up a bit!

**wickedgrl123:** Haha I'm glad you enjoyed Heinrich's appearance [more of that here too]! I don't think Barty ever had any real feelings for her. There was probably some attraction and respect there, but I think he had higher priorities than romance on his mind. He legitimately liked her though and regretted not being able to be friends. I'm sure seeing her again in his current state of psychosis is a volatile factor though. I'm eager to reach the end of the 4th book's plot to show a bit more of his mindset.

**SMGF1:** Thanks so much! More Rowan and Remus time!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Thank you! And of course! If you ever need another pair of eyes to look over something, I'm your girl! I'm glad you still get so excited about my updates! Does your crush know you read fanfiction? I just told my BF recently that I write, and he told me I was a huge nerd haha.

**Luuh2311:** Thank you! Do you mean the Sirius/Mina reunion? Ehhh that might not be for a while. He doesn't come back to England for at least another few chapters. And even when he does, it's not like they can just pick up where they left off. I plan on drawing that out a bit too b/c I am cruel eheh. THank you so much again though!

**Nikos Pyrr:** Heh, Will and Claire's embarrassing dynamic is fun. I think he realizes she's attracted to him, but nothing more than that. The depth of her feelings for him are most likely pretty shallow at this point too. Unfortunately, Remus and Rowan will probably be a little awkward for a while, but it's a slow burn. The letters will come into play later! I'm excited about that part, though it's a ways off. Thanks so much for the review!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**July 20, 1977**

_Dear Rowan,_

_Happy birthday, you darling girl. I remember you saying how much you love Madeleines, so I've baked a whole bunch for you to share with your family. I put chocolate bits in a few of them as an experiment. I think they've turned out all right. Let me know what you think. _

_I can't believe you're already of age! I remember meeting you on the platform when you were just about to turn twelve. You all have grown so much since them. There's no better way to remind one's self of one's age than to watch the children around you turn to adults. Though I'm eager to see where your brilliant mind takes you, a part of me selfishly wishes I could keep you all as children forever._

_Remus is still very much closed off to us. Lyall lost his patience the other day and was short with him, but it hasn't improved anything. I think it's just made him withdraw even more, if that's possible. It's terrible to watch the two of them go through this. Lyall is struggling to keep his temper, but I know he's angrier at himself than anyone else. Every time something happens to Remus, he blames himself, even for the littlest of things. But I'm afraid Remus took after his father in his reticence. It's like pulling teeth trying to get either to talk about their own problems. Sometimes I feel like a squawking loon next to them._

_I asked Lyall for some articles by that Damocles Belby fellow you mentioned. I'll admit that much of it was beyond my scope of understanding, but he seems like a remarkable man. And to be so well-versed in lycanthropy - I have a great urge to meet him now as well! Oh, Rowan, I don't know if it's possible to love you more. I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse for Remus to have found someone like you. _

_Because you're very right - one cannot help someone unless he is prepared to help himself, and right now, Remus is very much unprepared. Try as we might, until he's ready, there's very little we can do but wait. _

_But don't wait forever for him, Rowan. As much as it breaks my heart, the last thing I want is for you to waste your best years away waiting for him to finally realize that he's ready to accept himself. You are much too brilliant to be dedicating your life to a boy who may never notice you standing right in front of him. If this is the path you choose to take, do so because you love the work, not because you love the man it may serve. Being in love does not justify being a fool._

_I hope James and Sirius have an exciting day planned for you. Don't get into too much mischief. I know how much trouble the three of you can get into when you're together!_

_All my love,_

_Leanna_

* * *

**Chapter 19: The First Task**

Rowan's ears were ringing.

Remus, Rowan, Mina, and Will stood, respectively, in the stands waiting for the First Task to start. It was the end of November, cold and bitter. There was a constant wave of chatter rolling through the stands with hundreds of students, Ministry officials, and parents come to watch the competition. Rowan looked around weakly at the sea of faces, spotting people like Amos Diggory and Dedalus Diggle in the crowd. Dedalus caught her eye and bounced eagerly, waving at her over the heads around him. She grinned and waved back before turning back to the still-empty stage.

"When are they going to start?" Will whined. Mina rolled her eyes at her brother's impatience then peered past him discreetly at the other man in their party who was on the far side of Will, farthest from Rowan. Rowan smiled appeasingly at her friend's narrow look. She wasn't exactly pleased to be standing next to Remus either - it simply added to her already peak levels of anxiety.

As if in response to Will's complaints, there was suddenly a loud wave of cries that crashed deafeningly. Rowan flinched and craned her head over the cheering crowd to see that a line of witches and wizards were marching onto the stage, followed by a rosy-cheeked brawny blonde man - the judges and the emcee, Ludo Bagman. Rowan looked down the line of the impressive figures there and marveled at the height of the woman. Harry was right - she definitely had some giant blood in her somewhere.

But then she felt something curdle in her gut sickeningly as her eyes fell upon the tall, thin man with the goatee at the end next to Ludo Bagman. That long-dormant aching in her hands spread hotly through her fingers. Her throat clenched, blood rushing to her face.

He stood in dark robes next to the beaming former Quidditch star with an almost bored expression. There were some white streaks in his long, curling goatee that she didn't remember, some heavy lines in his thin, long face, but he still had that sallow, shifty look that she remembered from all those years ago. Her mind echoed with his pathetic, shrill cries in the Wizengamot court, his yellow teeth bared as he shouted out the names of his former allies. He was pathetic. She wanted to watch him burn like an ant beneath a magnifying glass lens.

"What is Karkaroff doing here?" Rowan heard hiss next to her. She turned with surprise to see Remus glaring murderously at the tall Bulgarian man. His jaw twitched with effort to contain himself. Rowan glowered.

"He's the Headmaster of Durmstrang now," she spat bitterly. Remus turned to face her, eyes flashing dangerously.

"What?" he hissed. "How could Dumbledore let him come here? He _knows_ what Karkaroff did!"

Rowan forced her own anger down in the face of Remus'. It wouldn't do any good to get worked up now. She grit her teeth and took a deep breath. "I know, but legally, there's no reason for Dumbledore to refuse him admittance here," she reasoned, though the words only left her feeling even more bitter. Remus seemed to sense it, only fueling his own rage.

"Legally, yes, but morally, no! As a _friend_, he has every right to refuse him! How can he insult you like this? He-"

She needed to stop this conversation before her own temper flared out of control. Rowan put a hand to Remus' arm. His skin jumped beneath his robes at the contact. His mouth immediately clamped shut. Rowan almost scoffed at the irony of their situation. Fate had a cruel sense of humor.

"There's nothing we can do right now," she said quietly, though her voice trembled. His gaze darkened at the sound. "We just have to trust that Dumbledore knows what he's doing," she said, though she didn't believe her own words. Did he know?

"But someone is obviously out for Harry. How do we know it's not him?" Remus argued. Rowan grimaced again.

"Moody is there to keep an eye on Harry. Karkaroff wouldn't dare try anything with him around," she reasoned. She frowned. When had she started trusting Moody more than Dumbledore?

Remus' features seemed to fight themselves with frustration. His lips tightened and twisted, eyes boring into Rowan, before he finally took a shaky, in-through-the-nose breath.

"Fine," he bit out, turning back to watch as Bagman listed the rules of the round to the audience, already having introduced the judges. He then looked back at her shiftily, almost contritely. "Did you tell Harry about the First Task?" he asked quietly.

Rowan looked up at him with surprise before smiling crookedly. She could see his face straining with effort to keep his anger restrained. Hadn't they been here before? When had the roles reversed?

"He already knew," she said. Remus frowned. "Hagrid showed him," she explained. "He went down to the grounds and saw Charlie handling them in the middle of the night after a a tip-off from Hagrid. But he says the other contestants know too. He said Moody helped him out as well."

Remus frowned deeply at this. "Moody?" he breathed. "Did he really? I couldn't imagine Moody going out of his way to help Harry out - seems like it goes against his nature, doesn't it?" Rowan nodded.

"Harry said he just offered some advice - gave him an idea for a strategy. He wouldn't tell me what it was," she responded.

_"Ladies and gentleman!"_

They both leapt slightly at the booming voice of Ludo Bagman. They turned to see him standing at the end of the judges' table. The rest were seated. It seemed it was time to begin. Rowan's stomach lurched. She felt Mina's hand take hers firmly, warm in the biting cold air. She squeezed her hand back.

"_Welcome to the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament!"_

* * *

Viktor Krum was certainly a talented wizard, Rowan thought, but she wished he'd hurry up.

Rowan's hand still remained tight in Mina's. She felt the Auror's foot rattling nervously beside her and felt the frantic tremor echo in her own stomach. They'd already watched the Beauxbatons girl and the Diggory boy face off against their dragons successfully, and of course, Harry was last. Despite his blundering appearance, the Durmstrang boy was quite nimble on his feet. He dodged left and then right as the Chinese Fireball shot fire at him, deflecting one shot with a shield charm, and then he shot a beam of light into the dragon's right eye. It reared back in its agony, head flailing furiously as it screamed and thrashed.

_"A Conjunctivits Curse! Very daring!"_ shouted Bagman over the dragon's high-pitched shriek. "_Oh, but the eggs!"_ The crowd lurched forward in unison to get a closer look at the nest at the dragon's feet to see that half of the eggs had been crushed in their guardian's rampage, but Krum didn't seem to notice. He rushed forward. There were a series of shouts from the crowd. A woman screamed.

"Shut the fuck up," Mina hissed under her breath. Rowan smirked at her friend's impatience.

"_That's some nerve he's got," _Bagman cried. Krum dodged a clawed foot. "_And-_" he dodged again and then dove. There was another yelp and then a crash of applause. The crowd lurched to its feet. Rowan clapped her hands over her ears.

"_YES!_ _He's got the egg!"__  
_

As soon as Krum grabbed hold of the egg, a flurry of wizards rushed forward with wands shooting protection spells. The Chinese Fireball shrieked again as its body suddenly seized and stilled, though it still roared just as desperately. Rowan saw a flash of red hair that she identified as Charlie Weasley's as the dragon was subdued and pushed back. Krum scrambled backwards with his egg still clutched against his chest. Finally, the dragon retreated out of the center of the stadium, withdrawing into the quiet enclosure where the other two defeated dragons presumably were. Rowan's breath caught as another was brought forward. She didn't even hear the scores for the Bulgarian Quidditch star.

It was the Hungarian Horntail, a monstrous black lizard with leering yellow eyes. She paid no mind to the spectators and barely even a glance towards the dragon keepers. As soon as she was brought out from the darkness of the enclosure, she shuffled forward lowly to the recently refilled nest of eggs, neck curling territorially around them. Her great wings stretched and beat against the ground warningly once, sending a billowing wave of dirt and sand around her, hitting the audience with one great gust. A few people yelped. Her wings then refolded and settled around her. Her head hung low, eyes peering around at the stadium, daring anyone to encroach upon her nest. Rowan felt Mina's hand tighten once more nervously - she was clearly the most dangerous yet.

"_Ladies and gentleman!"_ Ludo Bagman began once more. "_If you will draw your eyes to the corner, we will begin the last round of the First Task!"_ Rowan tried desperately to swallow but her throat was dry like sand. She breathed raggedly, eyes burning into the opening of the tents where Harry was waiting. _  
_

"_Our last contestant needs little introduction!"_ Bagman announced grandly. There were a few shouts - Rowan couldn't tell if they were jeers or cheers. Will whooped enthusiastically over them, chanting Harry's name riotously. He grunted as Mina elbowed him in the ribs. Bagman chuckled. "_All right, all right. No time to waste then. __Yes, you know him. I know him - the Boy Who Lived, _the _Harry Potter!"_

Even more deafening than the sea of shouts that had shaken the stadium upon Krum's entrance, Rowan thought the magnitude of the crowd's screams might blow her eardrums. She cringed, holding her hands over her ears, as she craned her neck over the cheering crowds. There, in the distance, a small figure emerged timidly from the competitors' tent. She saw his small, pale face peer up at the crowd, eyes wide, mouth taut in a grimace. He looked absolutely horrified. Rowan wanted to fly over the flailing crowd to reach him. He seemed to be searching through the crowd for something, anything, to hold onto in the chaos, but finally, he turned to face the dragon.

The Horntail's back was curled into a deeply defensive stance already, eyes narrowed. Her tongue flicked out quickly, long and purple. The stadium shook as her tail beat the ground twice, leaving yard-long gouges in the hard ground. Harry seemed to draw himself. He raised his wand and shouted something into the air, though Rowan couldn't hear it through the cheering.

Suddenly, the crowd quieted. Every person in the vicinity seemed to be straining his or her ears to hear what Harry had recited, but there was nothing but silence and the occasional shifting of feet. Harry stared out around him, searching, searching. Panic slowly began to blossom on his face as the seconds ticked by. Rowan felt it lurch in her own stomach.

But then, there was a whizzing, whirring sound, and each head spun. Harry's eyes widened, and he, too, jumped around to see a point in the distance quickly hurdling towards him.

"_Wait, a moment! Is that-"_ Bagman shouted. Everyone narrowed their eyes as the object surged forward still. It began to define itself, and Rowan's fear melted away into a broad grin.

"It's a Firebolt!" Will shouted. Rowan and Mina both laughed brightly. Rowan jumped slightly. The crowd cheered.

"_It is! It's a broomstick! And not just any broomstick - a Firebolt at that!"_

The broom screeched to a halt next to Harry, who took it quickly. He swung his leg over the seat and then pushed off with no hesitation, soaring quickly up into the air, higher, higher, until he was a vague silhouette in the sky. Rowan's shouts of triumph were lost in the sea of gasps and cheers. He'd barely even begun, but as she saw him fly up, broom beneath him, she knew he was going to succeed. She turned, beaming, to see Remus beside her, head craned upward. His own eyes sparked with elation as he watched Harry strategize from up above. She felt her face pull even more upward and then turned back up to watch her godson.

Suddenly, he dived. There was a cry from beside Rowan. She jumped and turned quickly to see with surprise that it had come from Mina. Her hands were clapped to her mouth in horror. Rowan turned back just in time to see Harry pull out of the dive at the last second - Mina squealed again - just as a jet of fire shot into the spot Harry had been just moments before. Rowan released a breath and shouted Harry's name triumphantly over the crowd.

_"Great Scott, he can fly!"_ yelled Bagman as the crowd shrieked and gasped. "_Are you watching this, Mr. Krum?"_

Harry soared higher in a circle. The Horntail was still following his progress, its head revolving on its long neck. Harry plummeted just as the Horntail opened its mouth, but just as he was about to dodge again, the tail flew upward.

"Harry, no!" Rowan screamed, but he couldn't hear her over the crowd. Harry dodged just in time, again, but one of the spike caught his shoulder, tearing his robes. Rowan whimpered in pain for him over the shared screaming and groans from the crowd. He winced slightly but continued onward. Rowan let out a very slow, gradual breath as she saw only the slightest bit of blood - it was a shallow gash.

But he didn't approach again. He began to fly, first this way, then the other, not near enough to make her breathe fire to stave him off, but still posing a sufficient threat to ensure she kept her eyes on him. Her head swayed this way and that, watching him out of those vertical pupils, her fangs bared.

"Ah," Remus breathed. Rowan looked up at him. He still had his eyes on Harry, a small smile dancing on his lips. "He has an idea," he said quietly, leaning down slightly towards Rowan while still keeping his gaze upward. Rowan's eyes widened and then looked back up. She saw the focused look on the boy's face, eyes narrowed on the dragon. She felt her own smile begin to stretch in response. Remus was right.

He flew higher. The Horntail's head rose with him, her neck now stretched to its fullest extent, still swaying, hike a snake before its charmer. Harry paused before rising a few more feet, and she let out a roar of exasperation. He was like a fly to her, a fly she was longing to swat. Her tail thrashed again, but he was too high to reach now. She shot fire into the air, which he dodged easily. Her jaws opened wide. And then she reared, spreading her great, black, leathery wings at last. They stretched nearly the expanse of the stadium.

And then Harry dived.

Before the dragon knew what he had done, or where he had disappeared to, he was speeding toward the ground as fast as he could go, toward the eggs now unprotected by her clawed front legs. Rowan gasped. He had taken his hands off his Firebolt. He was diving, and then there was the golden egg.

There was a roar - from the crowd, from Harry, from the dragon. He was soaring out over the stands, the heavy egg safely under his uninjured arm. Mina had grabbed Rowan's hands once more, and they were both leaping and shouting and laughing over the crowd. Rowan felt her relief leak from her eyes momentarily before wiping the tears away quickly, face aching pleasurably from the joy. Will was whistling loudly. He'd done it!

_"Look at that!"_ Bagman was yelling. "_Will you look at that! Our youngest champion is quickest to get his egg! Well, this is going to shorten the odds on Mr. Potter!"_

The dragon keepers rushed forward to subdue the Horntail once more, and Harry landed back at the entrance of the champions' tent. Rowan saw Professors McGonagall, Moody, and Hagrid meet him with excited smiles. Hagrid looked ready to fight a dragon himself. Rowan wanted to join them, to tell Harry how proud she was. She jumped slightly as she felt a hand clap to her shoulder. She looked up to see Remus smiling down at her.

"Come on, let's go find him before the crowd begins to file out," he said. Rowan beamed and nodded then turned to Mina and Will. Will grinned and promptly began to push people out of the way.

"Pardon, Auror coming through. Important Ministry business, ma'am. Excuse me!"

* * *

She was much too close. He could feel her warmth solidly present beside him. The faintest trace of her scent lingered around him. Now that they were farther from the crowd, he could hear her voice so clearly, rambling excitedly with Mina's. He thought he was ready for this, but apparently, this much of her for this long was still too much, too overwhelming. He felt as if he could implode from the pressure.

They were walking along the perimeter of the stadium towards the champions' tent. The final scores of the last round were about to be announced. Rowan kept craning her head back to the judges' table to see, but they seemed to be taking their time. Remus kept following her gaze unconsciously.

"What did you think, Lupin?"

Remus jumped to see the Surreys and Rowan looking up at him expectantly. He frowned.

"I'm sorry?"

Rowan sighed, and Will gave him a knowing grin over the two women's heads. Remus felt his ears warm slightly. He was reminded of all the times James and Sirius had caught him staring at Rowan in their school days.

"I asked, 'What do you reckon the next task will be?'" he repeated. Remus shrugged.

"Who knows? Maybe they'll have to fight basilisks next time," he joked, hoping they wouldn't notice his embarrassment. Rowan grinned.

"But Harry already fought a basilisk his Second Year. It'd be an unfair advantage in his favor if they made them fight those," she teased. Mina laughed but then straightened quickly, smiling in a whole new way.

"Moody!"

The three others turned to see the grisly old Auror thumping towards them, his usual scowl on his face. Remus noted that they had nearly reached the tent. Rowan grinned brightly, but Remus noted that Will, uncharacteristically, drew up tall and straight, saluting the older man with great reverence. There was no trace of irony in his face. Remus stared for a moment in awe at the magnitude of genuine respect the young man had for his superior.

"General Moody, sir," he saluted. Moody nodded.

"At ease, boy," he said. Will nodded and lowered his hand but remained alert and stiff. Remus shot him one more look before turning back to see Moody looking at, not Mina, but Rowan. The two women seemed just as surprised.

"What'd you think of that round?" he asked with a crooked grin. Rowan shook off her shock with a blinding smile.

"It was fantastic, wasn't it? Were you the one who gave Harry the idea to fly?" she asked happily. Moody snorted amusedly but shook his head.

"Dunno what you're on about. He's a sharp lad. Need to give him more credit," he said, though there was a look in his eyes that said otherwise. He then turned, a concentrated look on his face. "They're announcing the scores," he said gruffly. Rowan perked up and then ran to the partition, nearly slamming into it with excitement. Remus smiled and joined her calmly, glancing down at the determined look on her face. He felt that familiar warmth spread through his chest again before looking back up at the judges' table.

The Beauxbatons Headmistress raised her wand out of the air. What looked like a long silver ribbon shot out of it, which twisted itself into a large figure eight.

"Hm, probably for that shoulder," Moody grunted from behind them.

Barty Crouch came next. He shot a number nine into the air.

"Yes!" Mina breathed.

Next, Dumbledore - he, too, put up a nine. The crowd was cheering harder than ever.

Ludo Bagman - ten.

"Ten!" Rowan squealed. She bounced giddily and then looked up at Remus, beaming. He couldn't help but grin back. She bounced again and then turned back before her expression faltered - it was Karkaroff's turn.

The Durmstrang Headmaster raised his wand. He paused for a moment, and then a number shot out of his wand too - four.

_"What?_" Will bellowed. "You lousy son of a bitch! You gave Krum a ten!" he shouted over the crowd. There were many boos that joined his.

"Rotten, cowardly, _disgusting-"_ growled Moody. Remus and Rowan turned to see him glowering up at the Bulgarian man. Such fury flickered in his gaze that Remus didn't recognize him for a moment. Rowan, too, was frowning heavily at the older man. Something flickered there - was it fear?

"Well, he's still tied for first!" Will said cheerfully. He smiled at the rest of the group. Remus looked up to see that Mina was also looking concernedly at her former superior, who was still bristling furiously, eyes glued onto the former Death Eater. Remus stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Um, Alastor, do you know where Harry is?" he asked. The old Auror seemed to snap from his angry trance and looked up at him.

"He was in the tent with the other competitors last I saw him - him and the youngest Weasley boy," he said. Rowan grinned excitedly.

"Ron too?" she echoed. Remus read the relief on her face. He smiled.

"Let's see him then, shall we?" He gestured towards the tent. She nodded and eagerly and took off again ahead of them. Remus made a start after her but then stopped as he realized that Mina and Will were still looking at Moody hesitantly.

The older man was once again glowering up at the judges' table with a fixed look one could only describe as predatory. Mina was gazing hard at her former mentor, eyebrows furrowed with confusion. Remus frowned.

"Mina," he called quietly. She turned to him quickly, also frowning. She looked him over with a strained look then back at Moody, who didn't seem to realize they were there. Her lips pulled into a tight line, and then she turned away, following Rowan quietly to the tent. Will shot his sister then Moody a cursory glance before following her as well.

Remus scanned over the hunched form of his old ally then looked up to see Igor Karkaroff conversing stiffly with Barty Crouch on the stage. The two men clearly remembered freshly all that had happened fifteen years ago. They were obviously straining with effort to make an appearance of civility, though not with much success. He wondered what the two were thinking.

Igor Karkaroff - he also bristled. That man best watch his behavior. If he put a single finger on Harry, Remus would have no hesitation in killing him. The world would be much better off without him in it. Rowan would be better off without him in it.

* * *

Remus entered the champions' tent to see it mostly empty. Krum was speaking to a short woman in an emerald green suit with a quick quill and a seedy looking photographer in the corner, and the Beauxbatons girl - Fleur, was it? - was speaking in hushed, rapid tones to Madame Maxime. Rowan, Mina, and Will were conversing with a small, gangly girl with a mop of dark hair and large, inky eyes. She wore Gryffindor colors and held a large notepad and quill in her hands, nodding eagerly to whatever Rowan and Mina said. He smiled and joined them.

"Hello, Aarini," he greeted. The girl jumped with surprise at being addressed before looking up at him. Her eyes shot open widely before her mouth spread into a broad, toothy grin. She launched herself at him boldly, catching him around the middle. He grunted with surprise as he caught her.

"Aari," Rowan said warningly, "that's very rude. You can't just do that. He's your professor." Aarini turned and stuck her tongue out at the woman.

"_Former_ professor - he's just Remus Lupin now," she bit back before releasing him. Remus' ears burned. Rowan sighed.

"Quite the popular one," Mina said, raising a brow at him. Remus blushed and gently pried the girl's hands off his robes.

"Remus was the _most_ popular professor at school last year! We didn't even care he was a werewolf when we found out!" she declared.

"Aari!" Rowan scolded quickly. The woman in the shiny green suit looked over at their corner with an arched brow, but Rowan successfully hushed the young girl. "Aari, you need to be more respectful of other people. Just because you and your friends don't care doesn't mean that Remus wants everyone to know. Didn't you ever consider why he kept it a secret?" she reasoned. Aari scowled.

"But who cares that he's a werewolf! You don't!" she protested. Rowan sighed again.

"Yes, but there are people who do. Have you not done any of your research?" she argued further with the Third Year.

Remus listened to her reasoning and noted all the same points he'd listed for her years before with a dull ache he couldn't describe. So many years ago, she'd argued just as passionately in Aarini's place - it wasn't right that he hid his condition; people needed to be educated; it wasn't his fault; nothing would change unless he pushed for change. But no matter how logical her reasons had been, he'd pushed back.

So why was she so adamantly fighting against all of her former reasoning? She wasn't the kind of person to withdraw her opinion so readily. Once she was set on something she'd deemed just, there was no convincing her out of it. It felt wrong, like a crime almost. Was this the same woman?

"Now, now," Mina interjected suddenly. Rowan and Aari pulled apart, both still scowling. "We'll be here all day if you two keep arguing. We came to find Harry, remember?" Rowan nodded reluctantly and looked down at Aarini.

"Have you seen him?" she asked. Aari nodded eagerly.

"He was just here - him and Ron. He told off that Skeeter woman and promised me an interview later! It was awesome!" she exclaimed excitedly. Remus frowned and looked over at the corner at the woman in the green suit again. Skeeter? Why did that name sound so familiar?

"Okay, he's probably gone for the castle already then," Mina reasoned. Rowan nodded again, and they turned for the exit.

"Rowan!"

The party stopped and turned at the sound of a masculine voice. Remus felt something churn at the back of his mind as he realized the voice had come from the German dragonhandler. Heinrich, was it? The blonde man was jogging briskly across the tent's expanse over to their corner. Remus hazarded a glance to Rowan. She was smiling pleasantly enough, but was there a hint of discomfort in her face? She looked up at the castle quickly before turning back to Heinrich. Remus couldn't help but smile smugly to himself - she was obviously more concerned about seeing Harry than this man.

"I'm so glad I caught you!" Heinrich said as he reached them. He ducked down and kissed Rowan on the cheeks affectionately, and she accepted them with a polite smile and barely concealed impatience. Remus saw her cheek twitch anxiously. Her eyes darted up to the castle again.

"Yes, it's good to see you again," she said quickly. "Actually, I-"

"Quite a round, eh? And they have quite an impressive set of champions! A Quidditch star and the Boy Who Lived! Who would've thought?" Heinrich continued on excitedly. Remus felt his own annoyance begin to rise for Rowan's sake.

"Yes, they're all very impressive," she agreed quickly. "I'm sorry, Heinrich, but I-"

"I was thinking we could get dinner tomorrow? I'm going back soon to-"

But Rowan didn't seem to hear him. She was nodding frantically and pulling away from him.

"Yes, dinner this week. I'm really sorry, but I _have_ to get up to the castle quickly. I'm going to miss someone. I'll come find you in a bit!" she fumbled out, turning quickly for the castle. And with a billow of the tent flap, she was gone, leaving Heinrich looking quite dumbstruck. Mina gave a sly smirk and then followed Rowan out swiftly. Will grinned at the blonde man and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, mate," he said. He looked down and grabbed Aarini's hand. They shared a cheeky grin before chasing the two women out for the castle, leaving him and Remus alone. Heinrich shot Remus a narrow, assessing look that filled Remus with a strange sort of spiteful satisfaction. He, too, smiled brightly at the other man.

"Better follow. Don't want to lose them," he said lightly. And then, he left Heinrich standing alone in the tent. A distant roar echoed in his gut victoriously.

* * *

"Harry! _Harry!"_ Rowan called. The four adults ran after him into the castle. Finally, Ron heard them and stopped, tapping Harry on the shoulder. He turned around dazedly but beamed at the sight of them. He caught Rowan's sudden embrace as she collided with him.

"Oh, you were amazing! That was fantastic! I'm so proud of you!" she squealed, squeezing him. He laughed and hugged her back before she pulled away. Her eyes blazed, then fell to his injured shoulder. "Are you all right? Did Madam Pomfrey take a look at that cut?" she rambled worriedly. Her hands burned over his face then his arms frantically. Harry laughed.

"Yes, I'm fine. Madam Pomfrey bandaged me up," he said appeasingly. Rowan inhaled with relief and squeezed his good shoulder once more.

"Fantastic flying as always, Harry," Remus said as he and the Surreys stepped up beside them. Harry's face lit up.

"Professor Lupin!" he exclaimed. "I can't believe you're here!" He then looked to the Surreys. Mina smiled awkwardly but Will stepped forward with an extended hand and a grin.

"Will Surrey, Mina's brother. Great to finally meet you Harry. That was really something. I reckon you're as good of a flyer as your dad was," he said brightly. Harry's eyes widened.

"You knew my dad, too?" he asked. Will's grin broadened.

"Yeah, I was a First Year when this lot was in their Seventh. I spent a lot of time that year sneaking down to the pitch to watch him practice. He actually gave me the Marauder's Map when they graduated," he said proudly. Mina glared.

"And then he promptly got it confiscated during his Fifth," she jabbed. Will smiled sheepishly. "Great show though, Harry. I'd say you're an even _better_ flyer than your dad," she grinned.

Rowan watched fondly as the Surrey siblings squabbled good-naturedly with Harry laughing along. There was a deep warmth that spread through her stomach as she watched Harry converse easily with the two Aurors. She turned to see Ron looking at her ruefully. She smiled.

"What's that look for?" she teased. His ears turned slightly pink.

"I just- I know Harry's told you- I- you know-" he sputtered anxiously. He fidgeted slightly. She waited patiently for him to continue. "I'm sorry," he finally mumbled. Rowan smiled warmly and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"I know it's tough," she said, knocking her head against his, "but you're a good friend, Ron. He missed you a lot." Ron nodded. She could feel his shy smile from beside her. She looked up to see Remus standing off to the side with Aarini, sharing a few quiet words with her. He caught her eye and smiled gently. She felt her cheeks go pink slightly, but she returned the smile. All felt right with the world.

* * *

As they walked back down from the castle, Rowan breathed the cool autumn air deeply. The rolling hills around them were a brilliant array of reds and browns. She wondered when it would begin snowing.

"What are you thinking about?"

Remus looked down to see Rowan peering up at him. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold. He smiled.

"My mum," he said honestly. "Weather like this always reminds me of her." Rowan smiled with understanding.

"Me too. It'll be fifteen years next week, won't it?" she asked softly. He smiled and nodded, looking back up at the sky.

"Hard to believe," he said. The sun was very bright. It flickered against the green hills. His chest felt very warm.

"You've really grown."

Remus looked back at Rowan again. She was gazing warmly at him. That heat in his chest spread to his ears. He lost his mental footing for a moment at the sight of her smile. He couldn't believe she was looking at _him_ that way. Her smile broadened with amusement.

"Is it really that surprising?" she teased. He frowned, realizing that _he _was the one who should be asking that. Her eyes crinkled happily.

"I'm glad," she said. "It's good to see that you can think of her happily now. She would have certainly wanted it that way."

Remus' stomach clenched at the warmth of her smile. He felt his ears burn slightly, but he smiled back. They continued to walk on.

"Do you see your dad often?" Rowan continued. Remus nodded.

"I try to see him once a week. He's still not great at cooking for himself, so I try to prepare a lot of meals for him when I go to see him," he said. Rowan smiled fondly.

"Yes, he's mentioned that," she said, nodding. "It's surprising how bad he is. Even I can cook better than he can, which is saying something."

Remus smiled but shot her a side-glance. "He mentions you pretty frequently. He says you still come to visit occasionally," he said carefully.

Rowan's shoulders stiffened ever-so-slightly for the briefest of moments, but then she smiled and nodded. "I do. No matter what happened between us, I just couldn't cut myself off from him," she said. "I hope that's okay," she added quickly, eyes darting up nervously.

Remus smiled encouragingly. She seemed to release a breath. "Of course it's okay. I'm glad to know you keep him company. I worry all the time that he gets lonely," he admitted.

Rowan beamed. "You two are so similar it's frightening sometimes," she said.

As they continued to walk back down the hill, they suddenly caught sight of Heinrich, once again. He beamed at the sight of Rowan again. Remus wanted to groan - why wouldn't this man take a hint and shove off?

"Liebling, there you are!" he greeted happily. "I was wondering where you'd run off to in such a hurry. Is everything all right?" he asked. Rowan smiled more easily this time, clearly sated after seeing Harry.

"Sorry, I had some urgent business up at the castle, but it's taken care of now. How are you?" she asked politely.

"I'm doing quite well," he said, grinning broadly. "What business did you have to take care of at the castle?"

"Oh, I have a colleague who's a professor at the school right now," Rowan lied. Remus noted how smoothly she managed this fib with a frown - she'd always been a rubbish liar before. "He's quite anti-social, so I needed to catch him before he locked himself away in a tower again," she said with an easy smile.

Heinrich was about to open his mouth again when he was interrupted by another male voice: "_Hello, dear friends!"_

It was much higher than Heinrich's, quivering almost. They all frowned and turned to see a small man in bright orange robes and a matching hat rushing towards them. Remus grinned - it was Dedalus Diggle. Remus caught an annoyed look flicker across Heinrich's face.

The small man panted as he screeched to a halt in front of them but beamed around at their group brightly. "Oh, how fortunate that I caught you! I was so afraid I wouldn't catch you in time!" he exclaimed. His face lit up at the sight of Remus. "My dear boy, Remus Lupin! It has been so long! Much too long! How are you, dear fellow?" he sang, rushing forward to shake Remus' hand fervently. Remus smiled at the older man's enthusiasm - _some_ people certainly never changed.

"Yes, it's been a very long time. I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch, but I'm very pleased to see you," he said. Dedalus beamed.

"Oh, just as polite as ever! Really, it is _so_ good to see you, Remus! We must have tea soon and catch up!" Remus smiled.

"I'd like that very much," he said. Dedalus grinned toothily and then turned to Rowan, beaming again.

"Rowan, my dear girl! Did you _see_ that round? Oh, and Harry! I had no idea! Such a talented flyer! So much like James! You must be so proud!" Remus couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach at Rowan's answering smile. It could light all of Hogsmeade. _  
_

"Wasn't he fantastic? Oh, Mina thinks he's an even better flyer than James, and I'm beginning to feel inclined to agree," she said happily. "I heard you've met him! What did you think?"

Dedalus and Rowan began rambling enthusiastically about the youngest tournament champion. Remus caught bits and pieces about Dedalus having met Harry a couple of times already and Rowan relaying her reblooming relationship with her godson, much to Dedalus' delight. Mina and Will smiled from the side and spoke quietly between themselves. This left Remus and Heinrich, whom Rowan had quickly forgotten, once again. They eyed each other shiftily.

"So you and Rowan are old friends from school?" Heinrich asked slowly. Remus nodded.

"Yes, same house and year," Remus said. Heinrich also nodded.

"You two must be close then," he said. Remus felt his chest tighten, knowing that this wasn't the case anymore, but he didn't want to give Heinrich that satisfaction. He shrugged.

"I suppose you could say that," he said vaguely. He could feel Heinrich's gaze on him hotly, but he tried to keep his eyes on Rowan, who was now listening giddily to Dedalus' stories of his recent trip with his wife to Morocco. But Heinrich seemed determined to burn a hole into Remus' face. He finally turned to see that he was, indeed, staring very hard at him.

"You were lovers once," he said plainly. Remus nearly grimaced. The word "lover" sounded so melodramatic, but he nodded anyway.

"We were," he confirmed. Heinrich seemed to consider this carefully, keeping eye contact with Remus, who watched him warily. Finally, he nodded.

"She told me about you, when we were both in Hungary," he said vaguely. Remus fought off a grimace. "She didn't tell me much, but I could see you hurt her very deeply," he said bluntly. Remus did grimace this time, chest tightening. Most people would have spoken ill of their former partners after being hurt so terribly, but of course she didn't speak poorly of him - she was too kind for that. But even this unaffiliated man had seen the damage Remus had left in Rowan's heart. He felt that curdling of guilt in his stomach once again. Heinrich turned slightly to watch Rowan as well. He smiled fondly. Remus noted that there was no bitterness there. He wondered if he looked like that when he stared at Rowan.

"I understand why she couldn't return my feelings," Heinrich continued quietly, "and I'm certainly more than satisfied with the way my life has turned out without her - I wouldn't trade my family for the world - but I still care deeply about her happiness. I hope you do as well." He then turned and the hardness in his eyes had returned. He looked pointedly at Remus, who nodded in understanding. They held a silent gaze for a moment, testing the other in the stillness. Remus then watched with a twinge of bitterness as the German man joined Rowan and Dedalus in their livelier conversation. He reassured himself with the knowledge that Rowan had rejected Heinrich many years ago with what seemed like no regret. But even so, as he looked at the dragon researcher's sinewy arms and icy eyes, he couldn't help but feel very glad that the man would be heading back to the continent in the near future.


	21. Yuletide

**A/N:** Hi, everyone. Sorry for the long wait. We had a couple of deadlines at work, and then I got sick, then I had to work overtime to make up for being sick, then I couldn't quite figure out the tone of this chapter so I waited it out a bit. It's not a double post, but it's freaking long, so it might as well be. I'll try to update again later this week.

I feel disgustingly cliche for writing this chapter. I actually want to punch myself for it, but I couldn't think of a better way to involve Rowan and Remus in the Yule Ball preparations. I'd like to think I did it a bit uniquely though, and it's more of an awkward experience than anything else... Right...? RIGHT?

**Sweetbutteri:** Hello again! Thanks for catching up :] and yes, I definitely agree about the rushed tone of this one. I'm struggling with finding the right tempo without drawing the story out for like 100 chapters. I might just have to accept that it's going to be absurdly long and slow it down. Thank you for the critique! So glad you're up to date again!

**missalex3030:** I'm late too! I'm glad you approve of the tempo of Rowan and Remus' reconnection. I know some people are eager to see them together again quickly, but it makes sense that they'd want to just be friends again at this point, right? Thanks for always coming back and reviewing :]

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Hm, is it writer's block, like you don't know how to go about writing a chapter or you don't know what comes next in the plot? If it's the former, I force myself to just write and write and then edit down until it's correct. If it's the latter, then I'd wait it out until you figure out where you're going. Before I begin a story, I plot out the entire timeline so I always have an idea of where the characters are going. The plot can wander needlessly otherwise. My philosophy is that each chapter should have a purpose to your overall goal with the plot or character development. Also, one other person tried to make a ship name for them, but I think Rowmus sounds best haha. I have to admit it's freaking awesome to have a ship name for my story. I'm giggling at my screen like, "huehuehue." And as always, I'm here if you need to bounce ideas off of someone!

**The Auburn Girl:** Thank you so much! I'm always thrilled to hear from a new reviewer. I'm so happy you've enjoyed the story and the OCs so much. I can only hope that you continue to enjoy it as we finish the story up! Thanks so much again - I really appreciate it when a reader takes the time to even write me one review! Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think in the future, good or bad!

**SMGF1:** Haha you know I don't give spoilers! You'll just have to keep reading to see heh. Thank you as always!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**January 12, 1986**

_Dear Remus,_

_I lost another subject today. That leaves just six out of the original thirteen, including Isaac, and I think there's another who's considering backing out as well. I'm not sure if I can retain my Ministry research grants if this continues. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard to remain unfazed, like this is just another obstacle, but all the bridges are burning around me. Three of the subjects who backed out aren't even coming for the Wolfsbane anymore. I can only hope that they're going to Master Hallmeister instead._

_All this time, I've been trying to remain objective. I don't even refer to them in my mind by their names so that I don't get attached to them. Even with Isaac, I only refer to him as Subject 1 when we're testing. Today, it was the male, Hispanic, 31 years old, 70.75 kg, 5'11", sensitivity to lavender. Subject 12. ____I can't even write his name down. It's like I'm disrespecting him by doing so, like I don't deserve to. I placed too much pressure on him to participate in my studies. He just wanted help, but I shoved my rhetoric down his throat, like I had any place to tell him how he should feel about his own condition. I'm a real, self-righteous bitch, aren't I? _

_He said his family doesn't want him associating with me anymore, that I'm drawing too much public attention. __It's true I guess. I received another Howler last week from a woman who said I was consorting with the devil's creatures. It shook the store so hard that a few vials shattered. I couldn't even do anything after that. I just closed up the shop and told Claire to go home. _

___It's arrogant to think we could conquer something that isn't ours, isn't it? I'm starting to think that even Isaac has given up. _Maybe you were right all those years ago. Perhaps it was arrogant of me to think that I could ever understand this condition, no matter how much I try to study it. It's beyond me. _I want to keep believing. After all, the anniversary of Master Belby's passing is coming up. I keep telling myself that he wouldn't let me second-guess myself, but maybe we both have been chasing after something that was never ours to pursue at all. When I think about the sheer magnitude of what I still need to do, I can barely even bring myself to get out of bed. I woke up today and thought to myself, "Ah, another day. How unfortunate." _

_I can't bring myself to even face my mum or Mina. I skipped my weekly dinner date with Mina last week for the first time since coming back home. I think she realizes something's wrong, but I just keep making up excuses. I'd always wished when we were younger that I could be a better liar, but I never thought I'd develop the skill this way. It's rather funny how these things work, isn't it?_

_At what point should I give up? At what point do I say, "Okay, this is enough. I need to put myself first." But am I pursuing this for the right reasons anymore? Is it even about my patients at this point? __How many more years will it take? Will I waste away a shriveled old woman with no further accomplishments? Will the solutions continue to elude me? __Was there ever a chance of accomplishing this?_

___The questions go on and on. Will I?_

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 20: Yuletide**

I.

Stewart gasped with relief, slamming the glass down onto the counter with a triumphant shout. Rowan chuckled at the man's lupine mannerisms as she took the glass from him, rinsing out the remnants of the green potion. The large man smacked his lips satisfactorily.

"Yeh put something new in there? Tasted different today," he noted. Rowan nodded.

"Did you like it? I brewed some peppermint into this batch. I've been trying to improve the taste of this one, since it seems I can't get the Wolfsbane to taste like anything besides troll's ass," she joked. Stewart laughed.

"Aye, it was a nice touch. Might I suggest a little bit o' honey?" he said. Rowan nodded and made a note. The raw sugar hadn't reacted well, but maybe honey or apple might work to alleviate the taste.

"Stick around for a bit before heading back out into the cold?" she asked.

"You know I live for this weather, but aye, I'll stay for another minute," Stewart said. Rowan grinned and scanned over the burly man's rough, leathery skin. He certainly looked like he was built for the winter.

It was December, the last day of the Hogwarts term. There was a biting wind outside and a thin sheet of fluttering snow on the ground, though Hogsmeade had yet to see a real storm as of that year. Harry had written to her the day before, informing her that he, Ron, and Hermione would be coming to visit her that afternoon, which she was greatly looking forward to. She hadn't seen Harry since the First Task and was hoping to spend some time with him before Christmas, since he'd be staying at the castle for the Yule Ball, instead of coming home with her, as they'd originally planned before the Triwizard Tournament had presented itself with all of its obstacles.

_Ring._

Rowan looked up eagerly to the door, but instead of a trio of teenagers, she was greeted by a tall figure with light hair and a kind smile. She shook off the surprise and smiled back. His eyes crinkled happily at her. Stewart also turned and grinned, quickly taking in the telltale signs of long full moon nights on the younger man's face.

"Another beast for the beauty, eh?" he bellowed jovially. He extended his hand. "Stewart Perpetua," he greeted warmly. Remus shook his hand with an equal smile.

"Remus Lupin. Always great to meet another brother," he said. Stewart grinned and pulled up a stool next to his at the counter, which Remus took gratefully. He shook a few snowflakes off his coat as he shrugged it off. Rowan flicked her wand at it, slipping it from his hands effortlessly and hanging it over a hook at the door before sliding a smoking glass across the counter to him with a smile. He grimaced as he accepted it.

"Drink o' the gods," Stewart joked. Remus blanched but tipped the potion back, downing it quickly. He gasped as he slammed the glass down on the counter. Stewart guffawed and clapped him on the back roughly. Remus' entire torso seemed to lurch under the force of the large man's hand. He coughed slightly. Rowan grinned and refilled the glass with the green revitalizing potion, which he, again, took gratefully. He took his time drinking this one, sipping it slowly to cleanse his palate of the bitter taste of the previous potion. He sighed with relief.

"Did you do something different to it this month? There's something new there," he noted, holding the potion up to the light to assess it. Rowan smiled and nodded.

"I was just telling Stewart here that I brewed some peppermint oil into it this month. He suggested honey for next time," she said.

"Honey sounds like a great touch," Remus agreed.

Stewart turned at the waist and openly assessed Remus with an approving smile. "So how long you bin comin' to see the Master here?" he asked. Rowan's face warmed slightly as she saw the embarrassed look on Remus' face - he didn't know how to answer. She interjected quickly:

"He was actually one of my first guinea pigs. We've been mates since our Hogwarts years - same house and year." It was a slight lie - she'd never tested on Remus, even when they'd been together - but she didn't want to get into their complicated dynamic, even with Stewart. Remus looked up, surprised. She avoided his gaze.

"Well, I'll be!" Stewart exclaimed, grinning toothily. "And I thought I'd known 'er fer a long time! Yer a bit of history then, seeing the missy here start from the bottom! Must be quite the delight to see how far she's come." He beamed at Rowan. She blushed slightly but matched it, feeling a great affection for the older man. He was always her greatest cheerleader. Remus also smiled softly and nodded.

"Indeed. I don't think I could be prouder," he said ardently. Rowan's stomach clenched at the tender expression on his face. She averted her gaze again. Stewart's broad mouth spread into a slow grin at the exchange.

"Well, I'll be," he breathed again. Rowan's head jerked up quickly to see the conspiratorial look blossoming there and shot him a quick glare. His grin spread even broader.

"So I reckon ye've had the bug for quite a while now then?" he said to Remus. Remus nodded.

"Since I was about five," he said. Stewart's jaw dropped.

"_Five?_" he shouted. Both Remus and Rowan flinched from his booming voice. "Why, yeh were just a babe! How could- _five!"_ He slumped for a moment, dumbstruck at the very thought. Remus smiled almost ruefully. Rowan frowned as she thought of the sad story he'd told her so many years ago. It still brought a small wave of grief to her stomach. "Five," Stewart breathed again. "Damn, and I thought _I'd_ been young when I had my bite. I was nineteen, but five! I can't even fathom! I take me hat off t'yeh, lad," he said, nodding deeply to Remus. Remus smiled with some embarrassment.

"No, it's really nothing admirable. I mean, it's not like I know what I've been missing at all. It's just normal life to me," he said appeasingly. Stewart shook his head disbelievingly, sympathetically. The fact that Remus didn't know any different possibly made it all the worse. But Stewart didn't dwell on pity or shortcomings - Rowan always appreciated him for that. He drew himself back up, tall and large, and smiled.

"But that means yeh probably know a good amount of brothers, eh?" he asked. Remus smiled and shrugged.

"I've met a few here and there over the years," he said. Stewart's grin broadened.

"I'm gonna give yeh me pitch then," he declared proudly. Rowan smiled apprehensively. Here he goes again.

"A few years ago, I started a coalition called the W.R.C. or the Werewolf Rights Coalition. There are about fifty of us now, including werewolves and non-infected supporters. The missy here is one of 'em," he said, gesturing to Rowan. She smiled warmly at Stewart. Fifty - had they really grown so large? She remembered the old days when it had seemed like her and her patients against the world. Remus nodded hesitantly. "We're a civil rights group focused on campaigning and lobbying for equal rights fer werewolves, as well as educating the public about the condition and the injustices our people face. We're always lookin' fer new members, so if yer interested, we'd love to have yeh." He smiled proudly. Rowan could feel herself grow a couple of inches just from her proximity to him.

Remus seemed to roll the idea over in his head. Rowan watched him with some dread. Old long-forgotten memories of bitter exchanges between them whispered at the back of her mind. She knew he wouldn't take his resentment and reservations out on Stewart, but it still might put him in a foul mood.

"Can you give me some time to think about it?" Remus finally said. Rowan's eyes widened with surprise. He looked serious in his question. Would he actually consider it? "I'd like to look into it a bit more on my own time before committing to anything." Stewart grinned.

"Of course, of course. Take all the time yeh need. Rowan's got some pamphlets and information about the organization, too, so she can share some of that with yeh. And of course, we accept any sort of commitment you're comfortable making. A friend is a friend is a friend," he said cheerily. Rowan nodded and smiled up at the older man. For some reason, she couldn't meet Remus' gaze.

Stewart then stood from his stool quickly, pushing his now empty glass across the counter to Rowan.

"Well, best be off. Took enough time off from work by now, I have," he said cheerily. He raised a hand and his coat from the rack into it. "I'll leave ya two to it. See ya same time tomorrow, missy. And I'm sure I'll be seein' ya around too, lad. Take some time to think about what I said," he said, clapping Remus on the shoulder again roughly. Remus' back buckled slightly, but he smiled and waved as the hulking figure clomped to the door. And with a wink towards Rowan, another ring and swoosh of wind, he was gone, leaving Rowan and Remus to the silence of the shop. Rowan felt it echo at the pit of her stomach as the weight of Remus' presence solidified in her mind.

But he just continued to smile. She smiled back nervously.

"Thanks for humoring Stewart. You can just tell him no next time. He won't take it personally," she said. To her surprise, he frowned.

"What do you mean? The W.R.C. thing? I meant it when I said I'd consider it," he replied. Rowan frowned this time. He smiled amusedly. "You thought I was just being polite?"

"Well, yeah, I mean-" she rambled dumbly. "In the past... you know," she implied with some embarrassment. The last thing she wanted was to stir up old memories, but the past seemed unavoidable as far as Remus was concerned. Her mouth snapped shut with frustration. She was going to make an ass of herself even further if she didn't stop talking now. Remus gave her a small smile, almost bashful.

"I know," he said, concluding her thought for her. She smiled gratefully, but her chest still remained tight from the mere thought of their old fights. He smiled encouragingly. "I'll admit that I don't think I could have immediately said no to him even if I were opposed to the idea though. There's something infectious about his enthusiasm," he said. Rowan nodded happily.

"He's amazing, isn't he? I think the major reason the organization's grown so much is because people just can't turn him away," she laughed. "He's just the kind of person who makes you want to be better."

"You two have never..." Remus started suddenly. He eyed Rowan carefully. As the implied question sank in, Rowan's entire torso seemed to be repelled back from the ridiculousness of the idea.

"No! No, definitely not! He's like twelve years older than I am! That'd be absurd!" she exclaimed. She couldn't believe the thought had even crossed Remus' mind! "No, he's just a dear friend. He's happily married," she said, a bit calmer now.

"Really?" Remus asked, surprised. "Another werewolf?"

Rowan shook her head and smiled proudly. "No, she's just a normal witch - a successful trade merchant in Montrose, where they live. Her name's Eugenia. She's quite a character. They were Hogwarts sweethearts," she said. She thought of the small, powerful woman with a great affection.

"I see," he said quietly. To her surprise, he smiled softly to himself. She gazed wondrously at the serene expression. He then looked up. "She must be quite a strong woman. I'd love to hear their story," he said. Rowan's chest tightened slightly at the gentleness of his smile, but she returned it warmly.

"She is, and their story is definitely worth hearing. Maybe you'll meet her one of these days. She comes in with Stewart every once in a while when she gets a day off," she said. Remus nodded.

"How long has Stewart been coming to you?" he asked.

"Since the very beginning," Rowan said, smiling fondly as she thought of the older man. "He was the third patient I met when I returned from Hungary. I wouldn't be in the business anymore if it weren't for him," she said. She thought of Stewart's unwavering conviction, his boundless bravery. He was truly what every Gryffindor should aspire to be.

Remus frowned deeply. "You considered quitting?" he asked. "Why?"

Rowan shrugged and turned away towards the cabinets behind her, placing Stewart's now-clean glass on the shelf. Shame filled her stomach. Even though Remus had been right all those years ago - that the world was cruel and would push her to the point of breaking - her pride still wouldn't allow herself to admit it to him out loud. She couldn't bear to look at him, afraid that her face would give away all the blows she'd taken over the years they'd been apart.

"Various reasons," she answered vaguely. "All that matters is that I'm still here though." She smiled as she turned back around, gathering her strength again. Remus frowned slightly, but as he opened his mouth again, there was a ringing at the door. They both turned to see Harry, Ron, and Hermione rush into the shop from the cold, whistling wind. Ron sneezed loudly, and Hermione shivered as the warmth of the shop soaked into her. Harry looked up, smiling at Rowan happily, pink in the face from the weather. His smile broadened as he saw Remus there too. Rowan grinned and started pulling mugs from the cupboard, very relieved to have company to disrupt her awkward conversation with Remus.

"Care for some tea?"

All three nodded eagerly.

* * *

Rowan and Remus laughed as Harry finished relaying the most recent challenges presented by the Triwizard Tournament - namely, asking someone to the Yule Ball. Remus thought back to his awkward adolescence and felt very grateful that he'd never have to deal with it again. He couldn't even imagine how awful it would have been if he'd been forced to ask a girl to a formal ball as a Fourth Year. That point of puberty had already been stressful enough without the pressure of finding a dancing partner.

"Thank Merlin the Triwizard Tournament never happened while we were in school. James and Sirius probably would've skewered themselves trying to get their names into the Goblet," Remus laughed, imagining his old mates fighting over hexes and slips of paper. Rowan laughed as well.

"And imagine if one of them _had_ been chosen. James or Sirius dancing at the Yule Ball with the other champions? It would have been a disaster!" she exclaimed.

"No, it wouldn't have been that bad, right? James was a pretty good dancer at least. I remember you two showing us some pretty impressive moves back in the day," Remus said, smiling at Rowan. He felt something stir in him at the redness of her face. The teenagers, of course, noticed.

"What?" Ron piped up over his steaming mug of tea. "You can dance?" Hermione and Harry both looked at Rowan eagerly.

Rowan grimaced. "Just some basic formal dancing. It's not a big deal," she said casually. Remus grinned slowly, an idea beginning to sprout in his mind. She'd be very mad at him later, but it would be worth it.

"Don't sell yourself so short. You two put too much work into your dancing repertoire to just say you know 'basic' dancing," he teased. Rowan shot him a glare that screamed _keep your mouth shut_, but it was too late. Remus grinned as the teenagers' faces lit up.

"We have to see it now!" Hermione exclaimed excitedly. Harry nodded eagerly, grinning like mad.

Rowan groaned. The look she shot Remus was enough to make most men cringe, but he grinned ruefully. The panic that was beginning to blossom on her face was too entertaining to pass up. He leaned back against the counter to watch the spectacle unfold with deep amusement.

"No, no way. I am not dancing for anyone!" she retorted, but Ron was already running past Remus to the back room for her record player, and Hermione had already sprung to her feet, bouncing giddily.

"Yes, please, Rowan! I've never seen anyone do proper ballroom dancing before!" she gushed.

"Yeah, you can teach us!" Harry urged.

Rowan babbled protest after protest but quickly found herself at a loss. Ron and Harry were both cheering her on now obnoxiously with broad grins, and Hermione was still bouncing like a puppy. Remus remained leaning against the counter with a teasing smile. She shot him a glare for backing her into this corner. He simply continued to grin.

"I can just teach you. You guys don't need me to demonstrate it for you," she offered with a weak smile. Harry shook his head.

"How are we supposed to learn something if we don't know what it looks like?" he reasoned. Rowan glared.

"Yeah, Rowan, they need to see the proper form first," Remus chimed in. He was surprised he didn't burn up on the spot from Rowan's glower.

"Well, too bad for you - I can't dance if I don't have a partner," she said defiantly. Harry's grin stretched wider.

"Remus can do it!" he said victoriously, turning his leering grin on the older man. Remus blanched. This wasn't what he'd had in mind. "I'm sure you know how to dance too, right? You can demonstrate with Rowan!" He beamed. Remus quickly found himself backed against the counter. Trapped.

"No, I can't. I'm not-" he muttered, but Harry and Hermione were already rushing towards him. In a matter of seconds, they had a strong grip on Remus' arms, pulling him towards the center of the shop. Ron was cackling from the side of the room. Remus looked up to see the horrified look on Rowan's face and felt his match it.

How had three teenagers bullied a pair of grown adults into this? As Remus stumbled forward, stopping mere inches from Rowan, he looked down at her awkwardly, suddenly very aware of the predicament he'd put them in. She glowered.

"This is your fault," she growled.

"Sorry," he muttered ruefully. She sighed and shook her head, but though her tone had been low, there was a slight smile on her lips. He felt one pull at his own.

There was then a slight shriek as Hermione put the needle on the record and the soft croon of music began to play. It was a moderate tempo, an old jazz piece Remus remembered from Rowan's mother's collection - something from a smoky lounge of dark sultry lights. They could easily dance to it. He looked down at Rowan again to see her lips pursed tightly, eyebrows furrowed. She seemed to be thinking of a strategy of how to go about it. He smiled gently.

Rowan jumped slightly as he lifted his right hand and circled it around her, placing it firmly at the small of her back. Her shoulders stiffened, eyes held determinedly at his chest. He saw her lips twitch slightly as she lifted her hands, placing one on his shoulder delicately and then holding the other one out with apprehension. Her hand burned through his shirt. He felt his own raise, surprisingly steady, to meet hers.

Her hand was as small as he'd always remembered, sliding into his effortlessly. The muscles in her back felt just as they had thirteen years before when he'd last held her against him. He wondered what the scars beneath her robes looked like now. His breath came shallowly as she stepped forward with great trepidation into his space.

She was so close. Too close. He wasn't ready for this.

"Okay," she said softly. And miraculously his feet began to move.

Time didn't stop like in the Muggle films, but it certainly seemed to slow electrically, prickling over him in sharp needle points. He couldn't seem to gain control over his neck, which was taut and straight like a staff, and from what he could feel through Rowan's robes, her back seemed to be much the same. Their feet, however, continued to move through the steps almost mechanically, like their springs had been wound up for years and were finally allowed to release. The effortlessness was eerie. He didn't know how they were able to move on their own when the steps were so foreign to him now, but there was certainly something to be said about muscle memory.

His eyes flickered down to Rowan's tentatively. Her gaze was still glued to his chest, lips tight and eyes narrowed. She seemed to be concentrating hard, though he was sure it wasn't on the steps. He wished more than anything that he could hear what she was thinking.

And then the song stopped.

Rowan's hands shot from his. He stood dumbly for a brief moment, suddenly aware of the loss of heat. She had already stepped away from him, eyes averted. His breath was shallow as he noted the stiff expression on her face. He didn't recognize it. When had he stopped being able to read her?

But then she smiled up at him warmly. He felt his own lips twitch upward instinctively, but he didn't feel it. He had a feeling she didn't either. He turned, suddenly remembering the teenagers at the counter. Hermione looked like she might cry. Ron seemed as if he might implode at any moment with embarrassment, ears bright red and burning. Harry had a determined expression on his face, however, reminiscent of his godmother's. Remus frowned. What was that boy scheming now?

"All right, who wants to go first?" Rowan asked cheerily.

* * *

Rowan needed to put as much space between herself and this moment of time, between herself and him. She gathered the air that buffered them and held it against her mentally, feeling its weight with some comfort. _Stay away_, she thought, _stay there, far away._ Her stomach began to settle slowly, and she took a deep, quiet breath before looking pointedly between the teenagers, forcing even the presence of Remus from her mind, if momentarily. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all glanced shiftily at each other in silence. Rowan watched amusedly as she tried to imagine their thought processes. She noted the extra few glances Ron shot towards Hermione.

"Ron, you can help me demonstrate," Rowan said finally. Ron's ears went red.

"W-what? Me?" he babbled. Rowan laughed and pulled him forward. He grimaced heavily. Harry snickered. Hermione let out a tiny giggle.

"Harry and Hermione, you should follow our lead," Rowan said. The two jumped slightly and looked awkwardly at each other again before stiffly moving towards the other. Rowan hid a sly smile as she saw Ron shoot Harry a jealous look - suspicions confirmed.

"Okay, now you're going to place your right hand here-" she grabbed Ron's hand and placed it on her lower back. His face turned a bright shade of red- "-and then you hold my hand with your left like this-" she grabbed his hand and held it out slightly. "Now, the lady-" she looked over Ron's shoulder at Hermione, who stood at attention- "-will place her left hand on the gentleman's shoulder like so. Proper form for both dictates that elbows are held up. No, not like a dead chicken, Ron - like this."

Ron grimaced, wide-eyed, as Rowan prodded and pulled at his limbs until his back was straight, shoulders were back, and arms were held in the correct form. Rowan grinned to herself as she realized how very like her mother she was acting.

"Don't move, Ron," she said teasingly as she moved to Harry and Hermione, who were both still fumbling awkwardly. Ron gaped at her.

"You've got to be kidding," he groaned. Remus laughed openly from his seat at the counter. Rowan grinned as she began nudging Harry and Hermione's hands and elbows into place.

Finally, when she was satisfied, she moved back to Ron. "Okay, now, the feet," she said. Ron groaned again. Rowan slapped him lightly on the back of the head. "Hey, you were the ones who wanted me to teach you how to dance. No complaining now." Ron scowled as she maneuvered back into position with him again.

"Okay, essentially the feet make a square as they move. It's a three-step movement, one-two-three, one-two-three. Ron, mirror my steps," she continued. His feet followed hers clumsily. Rowan flinched as he stumbled over her toes a few times but held a patient smile. Slowly, he got the rhythm of it.

"Good, Ron!" she praised. He smiled bashfully. Rowan looked over at Harry and Hermione, who were going through the steps efficiently now as well, though still stiff. She smiled. "Okay, now we add in a turn," she said with a grin. They all looked up, horrified.

* * *

Remus smiled as he watched the teenagers sputter and fumble nervously. Ron was scowling over his too-large feet and Rowan's teasing, and though Harry and Hermione were still as stiff as ever, they were both giggling amusedly over their own clumsiness. He grinned at the small looks Ron would shoot towards Hermione with an urge to laugh. He wondered how long that had been developing. Would it continue or fizzle away like most school romances?

Rowan plopped down onto the stool next to Remus suddenly, sighing loudly. Remus saw that the trio was trying to work out the turn Rowan had explained to them, each shifting and stepping awkwardly. Hermione reached forward and prodded Ron's "dead chicken" arms bossily back into place. He scowled and bit out something indignantly to her, causing her to squabble back. Harry groaned and tried to break up his friends' bickering. Remus laughed softly.

"Reminds me of you, James, and Sirius," he said, watching the teenagers fondly. After a particularly rude comment, Hermione reached forward and pinched Ron's hand hard. He yelped, earning a barking laugh from Harry. Rowan chuckled.

"We didn't bicker that much though," she said. Her smile broadened. "Probably more like me, Lil, and Mina," she said thoughtfully, "though Mina and I were certainly ruder than Harry and Ron." Remus thought back to Lily reprimanding the two other girls' vulgar jokes. He grinned.

"Definitely," he said. They shared an amiable silence as they watched the trio finally begin to get the hang of the turn on their own, though Harry tripped over his own feet a couple of times. He was just too gangly - there was no way he could control his limbs when they were growing so much faster than the rest of his body.

"You still remember."

Remus looked down to see Rowan looking up at Remus hesitantly. He looked at her questioningly before understanding her quiet comment. He smiled gently._  
_

"How could I forget when you took so much precious time to teach me?" he responded. He thought back to those quiet evenings in her flat as they'd prepared for James and Lily's wedding. He'd stumbled over her tutelage in her kitchen, and she'd patiently guided him through the steps. He remembered the bright sound of her laughter at his clumsy movements, the way their sessions always ended with him pushing her up against the kitchen counter, lips and hips pressed against her. He shoved the thoughts away quickly. He couldn't let himself get worked up over memories when the subject of those memories was standing right next to him.

He looked back up, and his throat tightened. There was the faintest dusting of pink on her cheeks as she met his gaze, and he noted the shallowness of her breath, as if she were afraid to even allow her lungs to move. Her eyes darted briefly down to the scar at his lip, and he felt the heat shared between them pool in his stomach. Every muscle in his body seemed to pull towards her. She was so close. All he had to do was lean forward. He could press her against this counter just like he had all those years ago-

"Rowan, am I doing this right?"

Remus jolted upright to see Hermione looking at the older woman despairingly. She and the boys made a comical image with their arms held out stiffly in their dancing positions and legs twisted mid-turn. Remus heard Rowan sigh and then stood up from her stool, moving away from him again. He felt the space in his lungs resoundingly.

"Close - step out just a little farther. And Ron, you have dead chicken arms again."

* * *

They were still stiff, but they seemed to be getting the hang of it. Harry seemed to have two left feet, and Ron's elbows appeared to have weights tied to them, but for the most part, they had the general steps of how to do a proper waltz. Rowan smiled proudly then noted the darkness already spilling over the street outside. It was quite late.

"Okay, that's enough. Let's go eat before you lot have to head back up to the castle. My treat," she said. Ron's face lit up.

"Yes!" he cheered, immediately taking off for his coat. Hermione rolled her eyes but continued to ghost through the steps, humming softly under her breath. Rowan noted that her back was slightly tight, but she had undoubtedly picked up the steps quickly, as was to be expected of her. Rowan moved back to the counter with Harry.

"How did you learn to dance anyway?" he asked. Rowan gave him a small smile.

"A lot of kids from the snooty pureblood families are expected to learn that kind of stuff, and your grandmother and my mum were determined to make sure your dad and I were the best-learned out of all of them. I can't tell you how many miserable afternoons we spent in etiquette classes as children," she said, smiling fondly at the memories of her and James.

Harry grinned. "My dad had to do it too?" he asked. Rowan grinned back.

"Yeah, we were both quite the accomplished dancers by the time we got to Hogwarts, not willingly though, of course," she said, laughing lightly. Her grin broadened. "Our teachers hated us though. They probably still have nightmares about trying to get us to behave. When we were seven, we sent a grown man home crying after flinging a large bowl of pumpkin soup at him during a dining etiquette lesson. Merlin, I can't even describe the verbal thrashing we got from your grandmother after that." She grinned at Harry. "I guess you inherited your penchant for throwing food at authority figures from your dad," she teased. Harry glared.

"I told you - that was Dobby, not me!" he said, referring back to Petunia's violet pudding, which had met its demise on his uncle's sister's head. Rowan laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, get your coat on," she said. Harry shoved her playfully and ran for the back room where his stuff had been stowed away with Ron's. Rowan turned to see Remus watching them fondly, coat already on. Her chest tightened slightly at the gentle expression on his face, but then she saw Hermione approaching her nervously, chewing her lip as if to keep her thoughts from spilling out. Rowan frowned.

"What's up?" she asked. Hermione fidgeted slightly.

"Actually, I was thinking... maybe we..." Hermione started. She stopped hesitantly. Her eyes darted to Remus and then back to Rowan. Rowan frowned for a moment before glancing up at Remus. He seemed to read her thoughts before she could even form them, turning to Ron and Harry smoothly, who had just emerged from the back room.

"Care for a butterbeer?" he asked. The two boys' faces lit up, both agreeing quickly. Remus began to guide them out, but Ron abruptly stopped.

"Wait, aren't you two coming?" Ron asked dumbly. Hermione kept her gaze averted with a slight grimace, Rowan noted. She smiled at Ron.

"I was going to show Hermione a couple of advanced potions that they usually test for on the Potions O.W.L. We'll meet you guys there," she said. Ron made a gagging sound.

"Ugh, you two are nutters," he said with disgust before running out the door. Harry lingered for a moment, shooting Hermione and Rowan a hesitant look. Rowan smiled and nodded at him reassuringly. He moved cautiously for the door, glancing at Rowan once more before following Ron out. Remus smiled gently at the two women and then walked after the boys. Rowan pushed the tension in her chest away before turning to Hermione.

"So what's happened now?"

* * *

"I see," Rowan said quietly. Hermione nodded sadly as the older woman's face took on a dark look. She sighed.

"Honestly, Hermione, you just need to let him be right now. It takes a slap in the face - figurative, of course - to make most boys come to their senses, and Ron seems to be denser than most," she said, giving Hermione a tired look. The girl grimaced and nodded her head. _Indeed, _she thought sullenly. "Boys also take a bit longer to wise up to these things in general. I promise he's not doing it spitefully. He'll realize what's standing in front of him sooner or later, but for now, I'd say to not worry about Ron and just have fun with this Krum bloke. _He _is obviously mature enough to realize what a catch you are," she added with a grin. Hermione blushed and smiled shyly.

"I keep telling myself that, but I really don't know what we're going to talk about. I mean, he's never said a word to me until now. I don't even know how good his English is," she explained nervously. Rowan smiled.

"Well, that's the exciting part, isn't it - getting to know each other? The language barrier just adds another layer of mystery," she said. Hermione felt her cheeks redden slightly, but a giggle bubbled in her throat anyway. Rowan grinned. "Do you find him attractive?" she asked. Hermione shrugged.

"Objectively, but my head certainly doesn't turn when I see him in the corridor," she said. Rowan smiled.

"Well, I'm sure he has other things going for him. He's a professional athlete after all - his athleticism must have many uses," she said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Hermione was sure her face was magenta. Rowan laughed brightly. "Well, I'm sure it'll be a great time. Christmas is always a romantic time of the year," she teased. She sighed. "Oh, to be young. School romances are such an exciting experience," she said in a faux-dreamy voice. Hermione quickly remembered the stiff dynamic that she'd witnessed there not even an hour before. Wasn't this the perfect time to ask?

"You and Professor Lupin - you two dated in school too, right?" she asked. Rowan suddenly frowned.

"What is it with you lot asking about me and Remus?" she asked incredulously. Hermione shrugged but still looked at her eagerly. Rowan sighed.

"Yes, we started dating towards the middle of our Sixth Year. We then broke up at the end of the year and got back together again in the middle of our Seventh Year," she said. Her face screwed up for a moment. "Then we broke up again during our first year out of school and then got back together again a year after that."

Hermione nodded, eyes wide. She hadn't expected such a turbulent relationship from such seemingly even people. "And then you broke up again," she added for her. Rowan nodded.

"And then we broke up again - for good," she finished. Hermione frowned.

"Was it because of the war?" she asked. Rowan sighed.

"There were a number of reasons that contributed to it. At the end of the day, we just weren't good for each other. We're much better off now as friends," she said.

Hermione nodded quietly, considering Rowan's story for a moment. She'd seen the tension between them earlier - the chemistry between them was still very evident, regardless of what Rowan said. There was obviously much more to it than that, but Rowan still wasn't comfortable enough with her to confide the details. She remembered her conversation with Ron and Harry from the Quidditch World Cup.

"Did you start your research because of him?"

Rowan stared hard at Hermione. The girl shrank slightly under her gaze, but then Rowan smiled and shook her head disbelievingly.

"You're much too sharp for your own good," she said. Hermione grinned ruefully. "Yes, I first became interested in the field because of him, but it didn't stay that way for long. It's more for myself at this point than anything else - well, for me and for my late master."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Harry told me about what you said - about Karkaroff and Belby," she breathed. Rowan nodded. "There was another man though, right? What happened to him?"

To her surprise, Rowan's face melted darkly. Her lips tightened, eyes narrowing. She saw a flicker of mental violence behind her eyes. Hermione's breath caught for a moment shallowly. She'd never even thought the older woman could look such a way. Was this the face of the young woman who'd fought in the war?

"He's dead," she said flatly. She seemed to fight over the next words, but then she took a deep breath and sat back, eyes closed. The shadows there smoked away, and when she opened her eyes again, her expression was still heavy, but pleasant. She smiled softly.

"We should head over to the pub. The boys will be wondering what's taking us so long," she said.

Hermione nodded and slipped off of her stool quietly. Whatever memories she'd stirred in Rowan had obviously been significant, but painful. She made a note to look into the story more on her own time and continue to ask Rowan at a later date. Rowan gave her another small smile as they headed out into the violet December evening. The bite of winter hit her face sharply. She looked up to see Rowan pull her high coat collar up towards her jaw. Her eyes took on that hard glint again as they walked through the winding, windy streets. Hermione wondered what other memories the cold stirred for the older woman.

* * *

II.

"You're an idiot," Alfred said quietly to Rowan. Rowan swung her hip into his defiantly.

"Shut up. I know what I'm doing," she bit back. He glared and hip-checked her a bit harder. She grunted in pain as his bony pelvis collided with her waist.

"Getting taken advantage of? Yes, I'd say you're a master at that," he said.

"It's just dinner, Al, and his dad is going to be here. Nothing funny is going to happen," she insisted, eyes focused on whipping the half-mashed potatoes in her bowl. But Alfred just rolled his eyes and flicked his wand at a now empty bowl. It hit the sink with a _clang_. The sound of laughing children trickled in from the living room distantly.

Truthfully, Rowan didn't know what exactly was going to happen, and she wasn't sure if she trusted her own words. Alfred had always been over-protective, but he always knew she had a weakness when it came to a certain Remus Lupin. And even if there were many years of isolation cushioning the distance between them, one by one, memories were resurfacing of this night, of many nights like this one. She continued to whip her wand over the bowl in her hands furiously. A fleck of potato flung up and smacked her in the eye painfully.

After seeing Harry, Ron, and Hermione off to the castle a couple of weeks prior, Rowan had stupidly invited Remus and Lyall to Christmas dinner at the house. It'd seemed like a good idea at the time, even if she'd been kicking herself for it ever since. Rowan rationalized that it was really not that big of a deal. Her mother, Alfred, and Isaac would be there. The trio and the older children were staying at the castle - there was the Yule Ball, after all - but the younger children would still be running around, and Mina and Will would be joining them since their parents had decided to go on holiday on the continent. So really, was there anything to worry about? She kept telling herself no.

But Mina had slapped her on the forehead when she'd told her what she'd done, Alfred and Carole had given her an earful, and her stomach continued to churn. No matter how she tried to push the memories away, she continued to be reminded of the last Christmas she and Remus had spent together. She'd thought that it was the beginning of the rest of their lives together - promises of a family, of a future, of confidence. She'd been so sure back then. _He'd_ been so sure.

She shook herself again. That was years ago. There was no use dwelling on it anymore. Those ships hadn't just passed in the night. They'd crashed and burned.

* * *

Remus was sure he'd vomit at any moment. He hadn't felt so nervous in many years, palms sweating profusely. He'd shoved his hands into his coat pockets as he and his father Apparated into the sleepy neighborhood of manors, determined to push the anxiety into the tips of his fingers. Had the houses always felt so large, so looming? He saw the familiar profile of Delacroix Manor - now the James and Lily Potter Home for Children - on the distant hill, a lump beginning to form in his throat. It'd been so long since he'd seen that house, so long since he'd been in it. As he and Lyall marched up the small slope, he noted each familiar tree, each bend in the path still the same. At this heavy stone, he'd kissed Rowan early on Christmas morning when they were twenty. At that crook in the path, she'd thrown a snowball at the back of his head when they were eighteen. He saw her in every pebble, in every branch. Could he do this?

"Remus, breathe."

He looked up to see his father staring at him, half-amused, half-exasperated. "It's just dinner. Stop digging yourself into a mental hole and just enjoy it," he said firmly. Remus grimaced but nodded silently, afraid of his own voice. He then realized he'd have to speak in a few moments to Rowan and her family with slight panic. He quickly cleared his throat.

"Okay," he gasped. He cleared his throat again. "Okay," he repeated, normally this time. His father rolled his eyes but then turned. They were at the door. Lyall glanced at Remus again. _Ready?_ Remus drew himself up and nodded. Lyall rang the doorbell.

There was silence for a brief moment then the quick, light patter of clumsy feet. Remus frowned. That certainly wasn't Rowan. Who-?

The door creaked open. Remus frowned. There was no one there.

"Hello."

Remus looked down. There was a small girl with straight brown hair, a large red bow tied pristinely on top of her head, peering up at him, gray eyes round and curious. She was maybe seven or eight years old. Her small face poked through the crack in the door. Lyall smiled.

"Hello," he greeted amusedly. The little girl sized the older man up with an assessing, even look.

"Are you the Lupins?" she asked. Lyall nodded.

"We are. May we come in?" She seemed to think about it for a brief moment before nodding, opening the door to allow them entrance. Lyall stepped in first, followed by Remus. He took a deep, shaky breath as he stepped into the warm, bright foyer. He could hear the laughter of several children from farther in the house. The familiar smell of Alfred's masterful cooking filled the air. His stomach churned in a way that had nothing to do with hunger.

* * *

"Winnie!"

Rowan turned slightly from the oven at the little voice. She frowned with some frustration.

"Lettie, I told you I'd read to you after dinner," she started. "Go play with Archie and-"

"But it's the Lupins!"

Rowan and Alfred frowned and turned to see two tall figures in the doorway with the little girl, who was now holding both of their hands. She pouted up at Rowan impatiently.

"Merry Christmas, Rowan," Lyall said, smiling warmly. Rowan blushed slightly but beamed. She wiped her hands hurriedly as she moved forward. Alfred calmly gave a pot one more stir before turning himself.

"Merry Christmas!" she greeted happily. Lyall leaned down to hug her small frame fiercely. She then moved to Remus and hugged him quickly as well, ignoring the lurch in her stomach as his long arms enveloped her. "I'm so sorry about my appearance. Chaplin came down with a cold this morning, so we started on dinner a bit late, so I'm a complete mess. I'm going to go change upstairs soon once the food is ready-" she rambled dumbly. Lyall laughed off her worries.

"You look lovely as ever. Please don't worry about it. We're a bit early anyway. Do you need any help with anything?" he offered. Rowan shook her head.

"No, no, we should be done soon. Please, make yourselves at home," she said. "My mum, Isaac, and Will are in the living room with the children, and Mina will be getting here soon. She had to work a little today." Alfred stepped up beside her. He smiled politely and extended a hand.

"Lyall, it's so good to see you," he said warmly. Lyall beamed at the dark-haired man.

"Yes, it's been much too long. Dinner smells incredible, as always," the older man said. Alfred smiled and then turned to Remus. Rowan saw his expression falter slightly, but it spread fully again, much to her relief.

"Remus, it's been a long time. It's wonderful to see you again," he said politely. Remus smiled nervously as he shook his hand.

"Yes, it's wonderful to see you too. Thank you for inviting us into your home," he said. Rowan felt her face redden slightly at the awkward exchange and then noted that both Remus and Lyall still had their coats on. She looked down at Lettie, who was still holding Lyall's left hand.

"Lettie, do you remember what I said about how we greet our guests at the door?" she asked. Lettie frowned up at her and thought hard, face screwing up with effort. She then jumped and spun wildly, staring up at Remus and Lyall with mild panic.

"Can I take your coats?" she all but shouted at them. The two men flinched slightly at her sudden loud tone but smiled graciously. Remus shot Rowan a questioning look, but she just smiled encouragingly and nodded.

"Thank you very much," Lyall said kindly, placing his coat gently in her hands. She nodded eagerly and smiled as Remus placed his on top of his father's. Lettie nodded again and then ran out of the kitchen with the large coats in her skinny arms for the foyer. Alfred sighed.

"I better go help her. Last time, she tripped while trying to hang a coat and took all the others down with her," he said with a tired smile. He, too, disappeared from the kitchen, leaving Rowan and the Lupins. Rowan felt the silence nervously. She noted a bag on Remus' arm - a couple of bottles, wine probably.

"Oh, would you like me to open that for you?" she offered quickly. Remus looked up, surprised, then down at the bag he was carrying, as if remembering that he'd had it all.

"Oh, you don't have to. We brought it for you and your family. There's wine and then sparkling apple juice for the children. It's the floating bubbles kind," he said quickly, equally as nervous. Rowan let out a breath of relief, realizing that Remus was feeling just as stiff as she.

"Thank you. The children will be very excited about that," she said. She remembered amusedly the last time they'd treated the children with anything of the sort. They'd all giggled proudly amongst themselves over their champagne flutes full of juice, pretending to be adults. The tiny magical bubbles that floated from the glasses only made the experience that much more exciting for them. She smiled up at Remus warmly. Lyall watched the exchange carefully with a deeply amused smile.

"We can open the wine, Winnie. We don't want to distract you from your cooking," said the older man. Rowan jumped just as Lettie had moments before.

"Oh, shit, I mean, sorry - I mean, yes!" she fumbled clumsily. She turned to the stove then to the Lupins then the stove again before whipping her wand out. She flicked it at the cupboards above, where a line of glasses floated down to the table. Lyall moved towards them without a missed beat and flicked his own wand at the bottle of wine Remus held in his hands. The cork flew off with a distinct _pop_. He took the bottle and began pouring a glass, placing it on the counter next to Rowan, who was once again at the oven, removing an enormous ham. The smell filled the kitchen hotly. Rowan felt her stomach grumble hungrily in response.

"That looks incredible," Lyall marveled. Rowan smiled proudly as she floated the ham onto the stove, sighing happily as she looked over the glazing - perfect. "Did you make it yourself?" he asked. Rowan laughed and shook her head.

"No, of course not. I wouldn't trust myself to cook potatoes by myself, let alone an entire ham. Alfred did most of the cooking. I'm just here to do the grunt work," she said. At that moment, Alfred and Lettie reappeared with Mina, who had her arms full of brightly wrapped presents. Behind her was floating a glass pan of what looked like dessert.

"Merlin, that looks good," Mina said, eyeing the steaming ham. She then looked up at Lyall and Remus. "Hello, Lupins. Merry Christmas," she greeted. Rowan noted with mild surprise that she didn't shoot Remus her usual side-look. Lyall stepped forward to hug her.

"Merry Christmas, Mina," he said warmly. "Winnie says you had to work. How are things at the Ministry?" Mina groaned.

"Busy as ever. Things are always hectic during the holidays," she said tiredly. Remus stepped forward and took some of the boxes from her, which she accepted gratefully with a tired smile.

"How about you take everyone to the living room? I can handle the rest here," Alfred said, turning to Rowan. She frowned.

"Are you sure?" she asked. He nodded and shooed her away.

"Yes, yes, just be sure to take some wine for your mum. I'm sure she could use some," he said. Rowan nodded, flicking her wand at the bottle of wine. It and a few glasses floated upward. She gestured for the Lupins and Mina to go ahead of her. As she followed them out with the glasses trailing mid-air behind her, she glanced back at Alfred. He shot her a warning look. She stuck out her tongue at him defiantly before bouncing out into the hall.

* * *

Remus sat in a comfortable old armchair in the newly renovated living room of Delacroix Manor. Well, it wasn't _newly_ renovated, he supposed. It'd been a little over twelve years since the Delacroixs had opened their home to disadvantaged children, after all. It was just that it seemed new to him.

There were so many memories of that old room, dark red and gold and leather and distinctly Gryffindor. He could barely even believe this was the same space. What was once a tribute to years of pride in lineage and house was now a bright, frenetic haven, somewhere full of laughter and happy murmurs. As he recalled the Christmases he'd spent there before, he noted that they, too, had been full of laughter and warmth - he remembered with a dull ache the drunken cheer shared between Richard and Lyall all those years ago - but the shift in energy was nearly palpable. He could do little more than sit back and attempt to absorb the changes with awe.

There were six children in total, which certainly was not a large number - the Weasleys had seven, after all - but he felt as if he were surrounded by a tumult of giggles and excited squeals. They hopped and danced around the room happily after the flurry of bubbles that continued to erupt from the tall bottle of sparkling apple juice Remus and Lyall had brought for them, high on the sugar and excitement of Christmas Eve. Carole had informed them that there were usually three more - the Dearborn and Fenwick children - but they had remained at Hogwarts to attend the Yule Ball. Remus thought back to the teenagers he'd taught and secretly eyed, knowing that they were his old friends' children. They'd certainly turned out to be fine young adults. He wondered what they were like here, among their foster siblings, around Rowan.

Remus looked around again and saw the little girl Lettie plopped in Lyall's lap on the couch as he spoke quietly with Isaac and Alfred. She'd immediately taken a liking to the older Lupin and had shamelessly attached herself to him, undemanding of his attention but determined to remain at his side, which Lyall had found deeply amusing. She sat serenely in his lap with a book open in her little hands. Remus smiled fondly and wondered if Rowan had been similar when she'd been that age. He thought back to the old photos in her room of her and James. Their hands and faces had always been covered in stains and seemingly thrashing. He smirked - probably not.

Carole also sat with the three older men. She'd aged just as well as he'd always anticipated, with her hair sleekly silver and back poised as it ever was. But now, she sat in an elegant wooden wheelchair that Remus remembered from the years of his youth, though he noted that she hadn't stood from it all night with a dull twinge of regret. She'd always been a proud woman, only resorting to using the wheelchair on the worst of days when he and Rowan had been together. Her bones must truly ache if she was using it regularly now. He wondered when things had changed so drastically. But still, if anyone could make a wheelchair look like a throne, it was Carole Delacroix.

Another departure from the old days, however, was Rowan's noticeable absence from the after-dinner conversation. Remus and Mina had been catching up and trying to convince Rowan to sit down for a few minutes to take a breath, but Remus had barely been able to get a full conversation from her all night without her fluttering off to either clean up in the kitchen, to hovering over her mother quietly, or to doting over the sick, wobbly little boy called Chaplin, who seemed steadfastly determined to enjoy all Christmas Eve had to offer despite his obvious cold. Remus was able to catch brief glimpses of her face as she spoke to her mother quietly and the gentle smile she offered when Lyall grabbed her hand momentarily, most likely to offer assistance and his own requests for her to relax. But she shook her head again and continued to buzz back and forth from the current room and the kitchen. Remus sighed - so much for getting a chance to talk to her tonight.

But then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small pair of legs wobble precariously again. Remus jerked forward instinctively as he saw Chaplin fumble but then released a relieved breath as the boy was swept up at the last moment by a pair of long arms. Will Surrey grinned down at the boy.

"Easy there, champ. Christmas isn't going anywhere. Why don't we sit down for a bit?" he said. Chaplin glared with frustration up at the Auror, who only smiled and plopped down onto the floor in front of where Mina and Remus had been chatting quietly, sitting the boy in his lap. He pouted angrily but leaned against the man's chest with drooping eyes, finally giving into his obvious exhaustion, if just temporarily.

"What did you ask for for Christmas this year?" Mina asked gently, redirecting the boy's attention. Remus noted the familiar tone the two Aurors used with the children. The Surreys were obviously very close with them as well. A small smile played at the boy's lips.

"The new sparkler wand from Zonko's and Fred and George's bubble balloon balls," he mumbled. Despite his tiredness in his voice, there was a flicker of excitement in his eyes. Remus smiled. How wonderfully simple a child's anticipation was.

"Bubble what?" Mina asked, laughing softly.

"It's that transfiguring balloon, right? The Weasleys made them. They mold into weird shapes," Will said. Chaplin nodded eagerly.

"I want a bubble dog," he said. Remus smiled.

"Well, Santa won't bring you the bubble balloon balls unless you go to bed."

The three adults looked up to see Rowan standing over them with an amused smile. Under one arm was a tray and in the other hand was a large jug of milk. Behind her was a floating mass of tall glasses. Remus stood quickly to grab the pitcher from her hands. She smiled gratefully up at him - his stomach lurched slightly - before turning for the long coffee table in the center of the room. The children all rushed forward, squealing excitedly.

"Okay, you all get two each," Rowan shouted over them as the little hands groped forward over the large plate. Even Lettie had hopped up from Lyall's lap eagerly to feast on the chocolate biscuits Rowan had brought in. Chaplin whimpered desperately to be included, but Will kept him securely pinned to his lap. Mina flicked her wand and summoned a couple of particularly large treats for the sick boy, who accepted them excitedly. Remus saw Rowan looking over the table with confusion before stepping up beside her, still with the pitcher of milk in his hands. He grabbed a glass and started pouring it out for the children, who all thanked him one by one. Rowan sighed and smiled up at him.

"Thanks," she said simply. He smiled warmly at her.

"Go sit down," he said. She faltered for a moment, looking back at the children and then her mother, but Carole gave her a sharp glare that all but screamed, _Sit_. Rowan seemed to feel the tiredness settle into her slightly and sighed. She grabbed a biscuit for herself and slumped over to where Mina was sitting, plopping down in front of her friend and leaning against the Auror's legs tiredly. She bit into her treat ungracefully and groaned in a dog-like manner. Remus sat back down in the seat next to Mina. Rowan took a deep breath and closed her eyes momentarily before opening them again, focusing on Chaplin with a frown.

"Don't you think it's time for bed?" she asked him. Chaplin shoved his now chocolatey face into Will's shirt and shook his head furiously.

"No," came his muffled voice. Will smiled ruefully at Rowan, who frowned deeper.

"He'll fall asleep soon, Row. Just let Will handle him," Mina whispered. Rowan eyed the little boy again but leaned back against Mina's legs again, chewing her biscuit thoughtfully. But she wasn't allowed much peace as another small form shot across the room towards the dark-haired woman, colliding into her with a grunt. Rowan gasped as it slammed into her chest, spitting up some of her biscuit.

It was another small boy, perhaps a year younger than Chaplin. He beamed up at Rowan and flung his arms around her neck, nuzzling his face into her cheek. Rowan sighed and smiled tiredly, patting the boy on the head.

"Archie, what have I told you about that?" Carole called across the room disapprovingly.

"Be gentle," he responded promptly, obviously used to this reprimand. Carole frowned and shot Rowan a questioning look. The younger woman smiled reassuringly at her mother, who then nodded hesitantly before turning back to her conversation. Rowan looked down at the boy, who was staring up at Remus with a narrow, searching look. She frowned then also looked up at Remus. He leaned back slightly, nervously, at the boy's judgmental stare.

"What's that on your face?" he asked bluntly.

"Archie!" Rowan exclaimed angrily. He looked up at her questioningly.

"What?"

Rowan scowled. "That's very rude! Tell Remus you're sorry, now," she commanded. Remus smiled appeasingly.

"No, Rowan, it's okay-"

But Rowan shot him a glare that made him shut his mouth before turning back to the little boy in her lap. "Archie, what do you say?" The little boy cowered slightly under her disapproving glare. He glanced up at Remus hesitantly.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Remus," he said in a little voice. There was a slight edge to it that Remus wanted to say was defiance. He smiled tiredly. Little boys are so difficult.

"It's okay, Archie. Thank you," he said kindly. He shifted uneasily at the narrow look the little boy was shooting him now. "And this is a scar," he said quickly, gesturing to the long milky line that framed his jaw. "It's from a cut I got when I was twelve," he explained. The little boy nodded, eyes widening with awe. He then pointed to the one at Remus' brow.

"What about that one?"

"I got that when I was sixteen," he said with a patient smile. He exhaled inwardly. He still had a chance of winning over the boy, it seemed. Archie stared openly.

"Wow," he breathed. "From fighting?" he asked. Remus laughed.

"Something like that," he said. He supposed it wasn't a lie - he'd been fighting himself, after all. Archie nodded eagerly and, to Remus' surprise, shuffled forward from Rowan's lap and pulled himself into Remus'. He then gestured to the long scar that was peeking from beneath the rolled up sleeve of his shirt.

"What about that one?"

Rowan caught Remus' eye and smiled ruefully. Remus sighed. He'd backed himself into another corner again. But at the sight of Rowan's posture slumping tiredly, free of the little boy's prying hands, Remus couldn't help but feel very proud of redirecting the attention onto himself - anything to keep Rowan seated there instead of running around away from him all night.

* * *

It was getting late. The halls were lit dimly, and the children were all beginning to feel the sugar crash. Rowan left the living room as their eyes had begun to droop, all huddled around Carole and Lyall, who were reading a story from one of the Lettie's numerous books. Mina had tiredly fallen asleep on the end of the couch. Rowan had draped a blanket over her best friend with an exasperated smile - she'd clearly been pushing herself too hard at the Ministry again.

Rowan moved into one of the bedrooms upstairs carefully. Her arms strained with Chaplin's weight, now finally asleep. She stepped carefully over a couple of toys he and Archie had left out on the floor before quietly moving to the pale yellow bed. Leaning over ever-so-carefully, she eased him onto the mattress and groaned slightly as her sore arms stretched out again. He sighed quietly as he sank into the covers. Rowan smiled softly at his slack face and pulled the duvet around him. He shivered slightly and then nuzzled into his pillow. Rowan lifted her hand to his forehead and sighed a bit with some relief - his fever had gone down slightly, despite his refusal to rest that evening. She could only hope it remained low in the morning.

She looked up as she heard another soft padding of feet from down the hall. Perhaps Alfred was bringing another up. She turned to the door expectantly, but instead of Alfred or Isaac, it was Remus, holding another limp boy. He looked around the room quietly before his gaze fell upon Rowan, who was crouched low next to Chaplin's sleeping face. He smiled and nodded to the other bed.

"Is that Archie's?" he whispered. Rowan nodded. He smiled and stepped into the room, also carefully maneuvering around the various toys strewn across the floor. He placed the little boy gently into the bed just as she had with Chaplin. Rowan stood and joined him at Archie's side. Her chest felt strangely tight at the gentle smile on Remus' face as he tucked the small boy into his bed. He ran a soft hand through his downy hair affectionately before turning to Rowan. She felt an urge to look away at his smile, but forced herself to meet it with a smile of her own. She gestured for the hallway, and he nodded for her to lead. She stepped out quietly, and he followed, closing the door behind him with a soft click. She sighed as they moved down the hall slightly farther.

"Thanks for bringing him up," she finally said quietly. Remus nodded.

"It's no problem. I didn't want you to come back down only to have to carry another one up the stairs," he said kindly. Rowan nodded. She smiled.

"I'm amazed he fell asleep with you at all, let alone let you carry him. Archie's strangely rude to most people he first meets," she explained. Remus nodded thoughtfully.

"I can see that," he said, grinning slightly. "He's obviously very fond of you though," he said teasingly. Rowan grimaced.

"Yeah, he's going through that little boy phase, where they want to marry their mum or their big sister. It's just lasted a bit longer than I would've expected," she said. Remus grinned. Rowan's throat clenched at the bright expression before looking away. She realized dumbly that they were at the bottom of the stairs in the foyer now, and he was much closer than she would've preferred. She looked around at the soft red lights Alfred had hung around the high ceilings. Remus also assessed the room with a light smile.

"The house looks so different now," he noted. Rowan frowned for a moment before remembering that this was the first time he'd seen in since before the renovation after the war. She nodded.

"Yeah, we gutted most of it while planning for the children," she said. She thought back to the old rooms with their distinguished leather furnishings and the old touches of Delacroixs generations and generations before. She smiled softly. The only pieces from before that remained the same were the master bedroom and her father's old office. She and her mother had simply been unable to part with either.

Remus nodded. "Your room, too?" he asked. Rowan smiled.

"Yeah, that's long gone," she said. "It's Gillian Dearborn's room now. Appropriately so, I think - she's done a lot more with it than I ever did." She thought of the bright yellow walls and dark gray honey badgers painted around the room with a fond smile. She wondered if her date at the Yule Ball was going well. Remus nodded thoughtfully. She couldn't read him.

"You going to take a break now?" Remus asked. Rowan looked up at him with a frown. A break? He smiled with some exasperation. "You've been running around all night like it's your job. I'm amazed you can even stand right now," he said. Rowan smiled ruefully.

"Was I that bad?" she asked. His smiled twitched upward. She grinned. "Sorry, I must look nutters to you, huh?" she said, thinking back to how different this Christmas was from the ones he'd spent there years before. Many things had changed. She had many more responsibilities now, and six of them were either asleep upstairs or dozing off in the living room. She had to keep reminding herself that he hadn't been there to see those changes develop.

"You certainly kept yourself busy," Remus agreed. Rowan shrugged.

"Hard to not keep busy when one has a house full of children," she said. He nodded.

"How many are there in total?" he asked.

"Well, there are nine now, including the Dearborns and Morgan Caradoc," she said thoughtfully. "And there were three others who are of age now. They were teenagers who were orphaned after the war and just needed a place to come home to during the summer holidays."

"Do you still hear from them?" Remus asked. Rowan nodded.

"Yeah, they usually come for Christmas actually, but the three of them went to Rome this year together with their boyfriends and girlfriends. They're in their mid-twenties now," she said fondly. "You'll probably meet them eventually. We didn't have much time with them obviously, but they're still very grateful to Mum and Alfred, so they come around frequently still."

"Have there been others who have been adopted?" Remus asked. To his surprise, Rowan grinned.

"Only one. All the others refuse to go," she said amusedly. He frowned with confusion. "There have been numerous families who have been interested in adopting the children, but they all refuse. I think Gill and Lionel started it," she said. Remus' frown deepened. "When they were still young - I think Gill was only nine at the time - a couple came in and was interested in adopting the two of them together, but when they came in to meet them, the two of them blew a pie up in their faces to make sure they hated them because they didn't want to go," she explained. Remus gaped incredulously at her. She laughed. "Well, the younger ones decided that was the way to go, so anytime a family comes in interested about an adoption, they all dress up weirdly or do something terrible to turn them off. It drives Alfred up the wall." She grinned at the conflicted smile on Remus' face. "I don't get why they're so determined to stay here when they could go home to a family of their own, but it's not like we can _make _them leave, you know? And we don't really want to part with them either at the end of the day." Remus smiled and nodded.

"That's true, though I can certainly see why they wouldn't want to leave here," he said. He smiled warmly at Rowan. She felt her cheeks redden slightly, thankful for the dim light of the foyer.

"When did your mum start using the wheelchair?" he asked. Rowan's smile softened.

"Hm, about eight years ago? She's gotten better about using it regularly now. It took me and Alfred a while to convince her that forcing herself to walk without it was only hurting her more," she said. She thought back to her mother's quiet fury at being caged in such a weak form. She remembered her own anger at her inability to move after her injury during the war and couldn't even fathom how her mother had remained sane, unable to even walk as she once could. She suddenly had the urge to go check on her again in the living room but mentally consoled herself with the knowledge that Alfred and Isaac were there to help her if she needed it.

She then remembered something with a slight jolt and patted her robes down searchingly. Remus raised a brow.

"I have something for you," Rowan explained. She reached into her inner pocket, where her hand finally hit a small piece of paper. She pulled out a red pamphlet and handed it to Remus. "It's the information about the W.R.C. you wanted. I forgot to give it to you when you were in the shop a couple weeks ago," she said. Remus smiled and nodded as he accepted it. He opened it up and scanned over it briefly. She watched him carefully. Was he seriously considering this?

"You were surprised when I told Stewart I'd consider joining," Remus said with a light smile. Rowan nodded.

"I was," she said thoughtfully. "I am," she corrected to herself. "I just remembered... you know, when we were younger..." she trailed. She remembered his shame and adamance in keeping his condition a secret. Their old arguments had echoed in her mind several times since that day with Stewart a couple weeks before with a dull lingering pang. "You were so opposed to drawing attention to yourself. The W.R.C. kind of does exactly that," she said shiftily.

"Yes, well..." Remus said awkwardly. He ran a hand through his hair. He looked at her almost guiltily. "Some things have changed since then. For me," he said quietly. Rowan nodded slowly. Maybe she wasn't the only one who felt embarrassed admitting that the other had been right about certain things. Something about the realization left a warm feeling in her stomach. She smiled softly.

"Me too," she admitted. Remus held her gaze searchingly, and she found she couldn't break it. He looked like there was something begging to be said between them, like he was scouring his mind for a way to tell her something important. But the frustration continued to well up in his eyes - he couldn't find it. Or perhaps he couldn't find it in her.

But then there was the murmur of soft voices. They both turned just in time to see Carole and Lyall emerge, speaking quietly. Carole's chair floated gracefully alongside the older Lupin. They both looked up and smiled at their children.

"Oh, there you are. We were looking for you," Lyall said. "Where have you two been?" Rowan didn't miss the quick glance Carole shot her way.

"Remus was helping me put Archie and Chaplin to bed," she explained calmly. Her mother nodded to the implied answer - _nothing happened._ Lyall also nodded then looked to Remus. Rowan noted that he already had his coat on. Hanging on his arm was Remus'.

"Ready to go?" he asked, offering Remus his coat. Remus nodded and stepped forward, away from Rowan. She exhaled silently, though she couldn't be sure what the source of relief was.

Their good nights and Merry Christmases were unremarkable as far as goodbyes go. Lyall hugged Rowan as he always did - with a strong grip and a warm smile - and then kissed her mother on the cheek good night. Remus didn't hold Rowan too long as he embraced her, obviously very aware of Carole and Lyall's presence, but it still left Rowan feeling warm in the cheeks and very grateful for the dim light of the foyer. The two Delacroix women waved the Lupins off until they Disapparated with a _pop_, leaving them in a heavy silence again. The red light felt much heavier suddenly. As Rowan closed the door, she could already feel her mother's eyes upon her. She turned and immediately met her gaze. To Rowan's surprise, there was no impatience or exasperation there.

"He's grown up a lot," Carole noted thoughtfully. Rowan nodded.

"He has," she agreed.

"Do you know what he's been doing since leaving Hogwarts in June?" she asked. Rowan frowned.

"I don't," she realized dumbly. What _had_ he been doing for work since then? She hadn't even bothered to ask. _Could_ she ask? Was it right to pry? It was obviously a sensitive topic. Should she ask Lyall instead?

"You know when I asked you last year to bring a gentleman friend home for the holiday, I didn't have him in mind," Carole said archly. Rowan rolled her eyes - _there_ was the sarcastic comment.

"Emphasis on the 'friend,' Mum," she said pointedly, but Carole's raised brow remained. Rowan sighed. "There's nothing going on there, I promise. It's just that after seeing him again... I don't know..." she trailed thoughtfully, faltering. She smiled sadly, a tightness in her chest. Dark hair and glasses came to mind. Rowan smiled guiltily. "Every time I see him, I think of what James would have wanted. He would've wanted us to be friends again, right? I think it's been long enough that we can get back to how we used to be, without all the things in between," she said. Carole gave her an almost pitying look, eyes softening sadly.

"That is what James would want," she said. Rowan frowned.

"But?" she insisted. Carole sighed.

"Do you really think 'all the things in between' can be glossed over so easily?" she asked. Rowan's throat tightened slightly with dread, knowing that her mother was always right about these things. "If you're really determined to be friends with him again, you either need to maintain a respectable distance from him and be casually friendly, or you need to explicitly discuss where you stand with each other and make sure that you both know the lines are. I'm assuming you've made neither decision so far." She stared hard at Rowan, who grimaced.

_What would James want?_ It echoed in her head, underlining her mother's warnings. The answer was clear, but it didn't make the premise of speaking with Remus about such matters any easier.

"I know you're too old for me to reprimanding you," Carole said quietly, "but I hope you know what you're doing. Regardless of what James would want for you two, he'd want you to be happy first. He wouldn't want you to push yourself to be friends with someone when he's a bad influence in your life." Rowan smiled sadly.

"I know."


	22. Justice Seekers

**A/N:** It seems most people are okay with the story being really long, so I'm going to slow down the tempo with the plot progression and just accept that this is going to be absurdly long. I think it'll give more room to develop the characters and their interactions better, as in the last story. This chapter is in that realm - after all, Rowan has to have some uneventful days too, right?

On an unrelated note, have you heard Gerard Way's new album? I was really into My Chemical Romance during my angsty teenager days, so I think there's a biased part of me now that makes me want to like his music, regardless of whether it's good or not. It all sounds great in theory - "70s glam-rock, 80s post-punk," etc. I'll just have to listen sparingly to make sure it's genuine like and not nostalgia.

**Sweetbutteri:** Thank you for the review! I'm probably one of the only people who doesn't get excited about the winter holidays haha. They really stress me out... I am, however, eager to cover myself up in layers upon layers of clothing and neutral colors... I don't do well with bright colors.

**The Auburn Girl:** Thank you! I'm having fun writing the awkwardness between Rowan and Remus, so I'm glad you're enjoying it too!

**Marylin C:** Hello! Sorry I didn't get back to you soon enough. I'll message you with the next chapter soon and we can discuss the lessons! Congrats to you and your friends for finishing up your tests by the way, and great job on your English exam! I hope your shoulder is feeling better too. As for your review, I think Hermione will figure out Rowan and Remus' story soon too. She's so damn smart. I'll try to fit in some Fred and George sometime soon for you!

**missalex3030:** Thank you so much as always! I'm glad you approved of the Yule Ball stuff. I hate it when there are dance scenes in stories usually - seems like such a high school cliche - but I just couldn't figure out another way to work those two into it. Back to grown up life now! As for your comment about responses, I honestly feel obligated to haha. Most readers don't review, so when there is someone who takes the time to leave me even the smallest bit of feedback, I feel like I should return the gesture by acknowledging it. Having this dialogue as all of you and I go through the chapters has also been an exciting, though unexpected, part of the process. So thank you for always leaving me a review! I know I say it a lot, but I always mean it! ^^ YOU da best!

**SMGF1:** Thank you as always! I'm assuming you'll have just gotten back from holiday when you read this. I hope you had a wonderful week!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Thank you! I'm glad you liked Archie and Chaplin, despite them being troublemakers haha. I'm still kinda sniffly, but I think it's just because it finally is cooling down here. Take care of that cough! And let me know about your progress! Keep on grinding!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

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**October 14, 1981**

_Dear Pooh,_

_How are you? I have to admit it's been quite dull being holed up here. Sometimes I think I might strangle Prongs. No one would know, right? I mean, I love him dearly, but spending every moment of every day with one's husband can be maddening, especially with all of his whining about being bored. I don't have much to write about obviously, but imagining you and Mina reading through my letters keeps me a little sane. I miss you two terribly. I can't wait for all of this to be over so we can sit around and talk about nothing again. Let's do a girls' day at the beach as soon as we get back._

_H is growing more and more everyday. He's been zooming around constantly on that silly toy broomstick Padfoot got him. It's amazing how far talent goes, isn't it? He can barely even walk without faceplanting, and yet, he's already flying like he's training for the World Cup. I'm dreading the day he's old enough to ride a real broomstick. After all the horror stories your mum has told me about you and Prongs flying around the house, I'm terrified of what H will do, especially with Prongs there undoubtedly goading him on. _

_I feel like we need a better alias for H, right? H is so generic. He deserves something a little more memorable. I'm going to start referring to him as Bambi. I know that name means nothing to you, but Bambi is the name of a fawn from a famous children's Muggle film, in a similar realm as Pooh. Now that I think about it, you'd probably find it incredibly dull, but I promise he's a very well-known icon in Muggle culture. It's appropriate, right? I can't imagine Prongs would be pleased about that name. No doubt he'd want to call him something ridiculous, like Buck or Bull or something. _

_Oh, speak of the devil, he wants to write something. I'm sorry in advance._

_PUDDLEMERE SUCKS. GO WASPS._

_Ugh, he's such an idiot. He's just bitter Bambi is liking the Puddlemere gear you got him more than anything else. But honestly, no one looks good in black and yellow horizontal stripes. I know they're called the wasps, but the team doesn't need to _dress_ like wasps too. It just shows that Bambi has good taste, at least in regards to color palettes. I can confidently say that he inherited that from me and not his father._

_Merlin, I have to go. There's been an explosion in the kitchen. I can only hope whatever he broke this time is repairable. _

_Lots of love,_

_Red_

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**Chapter 21: Justice Seekers**

It was the second week of January. Hogsmeade had finally seen the expected series of snow storms over the holidays and was now covered in a thick blanket of white, sparkling expanse. Rowan had taken to lighting the fireplace more frequently in the shop as she'd finally caught the cold that had been going around the Delacroix household among the children. For the tenth time that afternoon, she sneezed loudly into her shoulder and sniffled. Harry eyed her warily over the counter.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. Rowan smiled weakly and nodded.

"I'm fine. It'll be gone soon," she said in her nasally, sick voice. He smiled sympathetically and took another sip from his tea.

It was Sunday, and though there was no Hogsmeade trip that day, Harry had snuck out of the castle to see Rowan. She'd scolded him harshly when he'd first shown up at her doorstep for his recklessness but found that she couldn't turn him away, as she hadn't seen him at all over the holiday. He'd smiled knowingly at her and taken a place at her counter with barely a word, and she'd huffily accepted it. He regaled her with the disastrous date he'd had at the ball, and she'd smiled sympathetically at his adolescent awkwardness, very grateful to be past those tense years. She grimaced to herself inwardly, thinking back to her own stiff interactions with Remus - perhaps she hadn't grown out of her awkwardness after all, even as an adult.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Harry. If it makes you feel any better, my first date didn't go great either," she said consolingly. She thought back to that awkward Saturday at Madam Puddifoot's so long ago with Alan Spinnett. She felt a strange twinge of guilt even now as she thought of the handsome, attentive boy. _I should've been nicer to him_, she thought to herself. "At least you didn't really like her," Rowan said. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I can't complain I guess. I only asked her, after all, because I had to. If I'd had it my way, I wouldn't have asked anyone at all," he said morosely. Rowan smiled.

"Really? There's no one you would've wanted to go with?" she asked. Harry's mouth twitched slightly, eyes darting ever-so-quickly down at his tea. Rowan's smile broadened. "Who is she?" she urged. Harry sighed.

"No one. No one that matters, at least. I barely even know her, and she's seeing someone else already. It's really not a big deal," he said in a forced-casual tone. Rowan nodded warily. He obviously didn't want to discuss this mystery girl.

"Okay," she said, though she made sure to pin it on her mental board of "keep an eye out" notes. "What about Ron and Hermione?" Harry smiled awkwardly.

"Uh, well, Ron went with Parvati's twin sister Padma, and that went just as poorly," he said. Rowan smiled knowingly. She hadn't expected much more than that. "And Hermione... I think she had fun with Krum. She hasn't really told us much, mostly because she and Ron just end up fighting as soon as Krum is brought up. Ron made her cry at the Yule Ball," he said. Rowan smiled tightly and made another mental note to write to Hermione to see how she was doing.

"Typical," she said. Harry nodded with exasperation. It seemed they both were aware of the source of tension between the other two teenagers.

Suddenly, Harry seemed to remember something. He jolted slightly and looked up at Rowan with a furrowed brow.

"Rowan, you said Igor Karkaroff was a Death Eater, right?" he asked fiercely. Rowan frowned, stomach tightening. She nodded.

"Yes, why? What happened? Did he approach you?" she asked quickly. Harry shook his head.

"No, no, nothing like that," he clarified. Rowan let out a relieved breath. "But I saw him with Snape in the gardens... during the Ball," he said. Rowan nodded along, imagining the hook-nosed professor with the Bulgarian man.

"Did you overhear something said between them?" she asked. She could already feel the anger beginning to well up in her chest. She pushed it back - she needed to stay objective in front of Harry. He nodded.

"He said, 'It's been getting clearer and clearer for months,' or something like that. Snape told him to run away if he wanted. He also spoke to Snape familiarly, on a first-name basis," he said fervently. Rowan frowned. Clearer and clearer? She didn't know what that meant. But as she thought of the two men reuniting as professors, she glowered, nearly growling.

"Well, I'm sure they were once pretty chummy back in the old days," Rowan muttered darkly. Her eyes then widened as she realized what she'd given away. She looked up to see Harry staring wide-eyed at her. She screamed at herself mentally.

"Is Snape a Death Eater?" he breathed. Rowan grimaced and stared hard at him. How could talk her way out of this? Harry didn't need to know about that - not when Snape had proven his loyalty to Dumbledore. She was only pointing Harry's nose in the wrong direction.

"Reformed Death Eater," she corrected. "He double-crossed the Death Eaters and helped us win the war. Did you note any friendliness between him and Karkaroff?" she asked. Harry stopped for a moment and thought hard. Finally, he shook his head.

"No, Snape was actually pretty cold to him, colder than he usually is, at least," he said. Rowan nodded.

"That makes sense. I can't imagine any reason Snape would be happy to see someone he betrayed during the war," she said. But then she thought about it again. Snape was one of the last people Karkaroff would want to talk to, unless it involved matters of the Dark Lord. Did he feel him returning? Is that why he'd sought out Snape? She frowned darkly and made a note to tell Dumbledore, just to be sure Snape hadn't kept the conversation with the Durmstrang Headmaster a secret. She couldn't believe Karkaroff was still allowed there, but she could still help keep an eye on him. She suddenly wondered where Peter was, where Sirius was.

"You're worried," Harry noted. Rowan looked up and smiled tightly.

"I'm always worried when it involves you," she countered. She smiled softly at his grimace. "Don't worry about Karkaroff, Harry. Even if he was once a Death Eater, he's a coward. He won't try anything with Dumbledore and Moody there. He's not the type to act alone," she said.

"Moody doesn't trust Snape," Harry argued. Rowan snorted.

"Yeah, and the sky is blue," she said. Harry frowned questioningly. Rowan smiled tightly. "Moody doesn't trust a lot of people, Harry. I would take his words with a grain of salt."

"Do _you _trust him?" Harry asked.

Rowan thought carefully about her childhood academic rival with an almost wistfulness. She tried to remind herself of Lily's explanations for his cold exterior and wondered how much of it could be blamed on nature versus nurture. After all, Lily was much kinder, much more trusting of people that she was, but no matter how much distrusted Snape, she could never truly hate him either - for if Lily had once loved the man as her best friend, it must say _something _about him, right? It certainly didn't help that _her_ childhood best friend had gone out of his way to make the current Slytherin Head of House miserable at every turn. She grimaced inwardly still as she thought of James and Sirius' heartless bullying.

"I certainly don't like him, but he did help put a lot of Death Eaters away at the end of the war. And no matter how much of a prick he is, he has gone through great efforts to protect you," she said, smiling tightly at Harry. He grimaced. "So yes, I guess at the end of the day, I do trust him. Dumbledore does at least. I imagine he knows something about Snape that none of us do to make him feel that way. We just have to trust that Dumbledore and Moody know what they're doing." She wished she believed her own words more strongly.

"Moody said I should consider becoming an Auror," Harry said.

"Did he now?" Rowan said, frowning slightly. "When did he say that?"

Harry shrugged. "Sometime after class recently. We're going over the Imperius Curse," he said casually. "He performed it on all of us."

Rowan frowned deeply this time. "He's performing it _on_ you?" she asked incredulously. Something about the notion deeply troubled her. Even for Moody, this seemed extreme. To practice the Imperius on Aurors-in-training and Order members was one thing, but on children? She'd have to ask him about it later. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, and I'm really good at fighting it," he said. He smiled a bit up at Rowan. She saw the barely concealed pride in his eyes. Despite her reservations, she couldn't help but smile. Another face flickered in her mind. _I'm damn good at it, Winnie - better than you!_

"Don't get cocky, Jamie," she said jokingly. Harry's face lit up.

"Is that what you used to call my dad?" he asked eagerly. Rowan smiled.

"Yeah, Jamie, Potty, Pothead," she listed with an amused smile. Harry scowled. Rowan smirked.

"What?"

"Draco Malfoy calls me Potty," he muttered bitterly. Rowan let out a barking laugh.

"That's so tame though! I assure you I called James other, much ruder names than that, and he was my best friend. You need to get a better rival," she joked. Harry gave her a sheepish smile.

"My dad was an Auror too, right?" Harry urged onward. Rowan nodded knowingly. She could see where this was going.

"He was," she confirmed. "Him, Sirius, and Mina - they were all recruited by Moody," she said. She smiled softly to herself as Harry put the connection together, eyes lighting up happily. Would he, too, be recruited by the man who had recruited his father?

"What was it like? What was he like as an Auror?" he asked. Rowan thought for a moment. She remembered his and Sirius' stories of mucked up training drills and pranks on Moody and Kingsley.

"He was the same as he always was - goofy and somewhat reckless when in battle," she said. "A little too reckless at the beginning, actually - it terrified your mum. We had to sit him down and put some logic into his head at one point." Harry's lips tightened in thought. He nodded slowly.

"She was in the Order, too, wasn't she - my mum?" he asked. "Was she a good duelist?" Rowan smiled.

"She was a good everything," she said fondly. Harry beamed. "I was actually reminded of her when I first met Hermione. She was the studious, serious type; very concerned with seeking justice and deeply sensitive; not as uptight as Hermione though. I don't think there was a single person who disliked her," she said, grinning now as she thought of the redhead scolding her for her pranks. Harry watched her gentle expression and smiled happily.

"What did she do then, if my dad was an Auror?" he asked.

"She was a Healer at St. Mungo's and a damn good one at that," she said proudly. "Another Order member recruited her actually - Dorcas Meadowes. She was planning on specializing in curses and hexes." She remembered Lily's disgust with the curses performed by Death Eaters and her determination to alleviate the damage done on the victims of the war. She wondered if Frank and Alice might have improved if Lily had still been alive to tend to them.

"So my dad was the fighter, and my mum was the healer," Harry said. He smiled slowly, warmly, as he thought of his parents. Rowan smirked.

"Oh, your mum was a fighter, too. I saw her kick your dad's ass a couple of times in dueling practice. She was the most determined to join the Order out of all of us I think," she said. Harry's eyes widened with surprise. "She asked Dumbledore as soon as she turned seventeen. She's the one who convinced me to join, actually," she said honestly.

"You didn't want to?" Harry asked.

"It's not that I didn't want to," Rowan said thoughtfully. "It's just that I was scared. I was already leaning that way, but your mum gave me the final push I needed to work up my courage. It was pretty hard to let my doubts get a hold of me when she was so determined," she said fondly. Harry smiled eagerly and thought for a moment.

"Her parents let her do that?" he asked. Rowan smiled thinly.

"Lily's parents passed away when we were in school, so she didn't really have anyone to answer to. I imagine that was part of the reason she was so driven to fight," she said. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"Were they murdered?" Rowan shook her head.

"No, car crash - our Fourth year I think. But after that, her relationship with Petunia sort of deteriorated, and without her parents, her ties to the Muggle world were kind of thin. I guess clinging to the wizarding world and its issues seemed to make the most sense for her," she explained. Harry nodded thoughtfully.

"And what about my dad's parents?" he asked. Rowan smiled.

"Your dad's parents were named John and Julia Potter, and they were wonderful people," she said proudly. Harry smiled shyly. "John was best mates with my dad from their Hogwarts years and worked as a representative for the Ministry to the International Confederation of Wizards." Harry's eyes widened. "Your grandmum Julia stayed at home, but she was the kindest, gentlest person I've ever met, which is probably why your dad was such a spoiled git when we were kids," she jabbed. Harry laughed. "She was good cop, and my mum was bad cop. I always loved going over the their house because Julia let us have all the sugary cereals I wasn't allowed to have at home. She made the best chocolate chip cookies in the world." Rowan smiled fondly as she thought back to her days as a little girl, running through the Potters' house and garden, coming home to her mother's disapproving glare, covered in mud. Her chest tightened slightly - she'd never be able to go back to those days again.

"What happened to them?" Harry asked. Rowan's smile faltered as green skulls floated to her mind.

"John was killed by Death Eaters on Christmas Eve after we graduated," she said with a sad smile. Harry's face fell. "Our families' participation in the Order had become pretty well-known at that point. It's probably safe to assume that it was an act of retribution. My dad also died similarly a couple of years later."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered. Rowan's eyes softened as she saw Harry's face screw up with emotion. He'd never even met his grandparents, but perhaps the void made it all the harder.

"Harry, this is just what happens in war," she said. "We all knew what we were getting ourselves into, and if there was anyway my dad and John would have wanted to go, it was fighting. And they did just that." She glowered. "If there's anything we can learn from Sirius and Peter, it's that dying a noble death is better than living as a coward. I know your grandfather wouldn't have regretted the way he died, so you shouldn't either."

He then looked up at her hesitantly.

"Did my grandmother die in the war too?" Rowan's throat clenched painfully. Harry's brow furrowed even further at the sight of her pained expression.

"Shortly after it," she said raspily. She cleared her throat, pushing back the sudden emotion. It'd been so long since she'd been choked up about her late godmother. Perhaps it was because Harry was there now. "After your parents died... and then you were taken too..." she trailed. She was sure Harry would feel guilty about this as well, unjustly. "I guess she just didn't have it in her to keep going. She passed away about a month after the war ended."

Harry's eyes welled up slightly. Rowan's heart clenched. There was so much he'd lost and then forgotten unawares. He'd been left behind so many times. Just like her. She reached across the counter and grasped his hand. He looked up, surprised.

"Never feel guilty about anything that happened in the past, Harry. We made our decisions, and we stand by them, all of us - me, your parents, your grandparents. Don't think for one second that they'd regret anything that happened. The only thing they'd want to do differently is spend more time with you," she said fervently. Harry's lips tightened. He nodded slowly and then gave a small smile.

"I'm sorry I keep bringing up bad memories for you," he said. Rowan smiled softly.

"No memories of your parents are bad memories," she said. She squeezed his hand once more and then sat back.

"I"m beginning to realize just how much I don't understand about the war," he said thoughtfully. Rowan nodded. "You still don't want to talk about the details with me though, do you?" he asked knowingly. Rowan smiled sadly. He matched it.

"I fought in it so that you wouldn't have to know anything like that," she explained vaguely. Harry grimaced.

"It doesn't look like that's going to pan out though with the way things are going," he said. Rowan's lips trembled a moment.

"That's still yet to be seen," she said tiredly. Harry looked at her carefully again.

"You don't want me to go to the Auror Academy," he continued. Rowan smiled ruefully.

"I don't," she admitted honestly. "I was terrified when your dad said he was going. If I had it my way, you'd be locked away in a library with your nose in a book, safe in some ivory tower," she joked. Harry laughed openly. The sound was bright, clearing the room suddenly of the heaviness that had settled on them unknowingly. "But if you were the type to accept that kind of life, you wouldn't be James and Lily's son, would you?" Harry beamed proudly at this. Rowan sighed. "I'm just going to have to accept that you're going to seek danger out at every turn and that my life will be full of cleaning up your messes," she said. She thought fondly of James - it seemed that even if he was gone, she still had his troublesome habits to handle. Harry grinned.

"So I have your permission then," he said. Rowan smiled tightly.

"Tentative permission. You still have a lot of time to think it over. You should also talk to Mina about it first. I think she could give you a different perspective into the profession, one that's probably more objective," she said. Harry nodded thoughtfully.

"Have you or Mina heard from Sirius at all recently?" Rowan shook her head sadly.

"I haven't, but Mina and Remus have, apparently. Last we heard from him, he got caught up in France. Mina's trying to redirect the Ministry search for him, but he can't be sneaking in and out of the country on a whim. Thankfully, it seems he's actually being careful for once," she said. Harry nodded. "Have you heard from him at all?"

"I talked to him just before the First Task via fireplace and wrote to him recently, but I haven't heard anything from him since November. I'm beginning to get worried," he said. Rowan smiled.

"Well, if something happened to him, Mina and I would know. He probably is just trying to avoid attention, wherever he is. He'd been intending to return soon in any case. I'm sure he'll be back any day now," she said reassuringly. He grimaced.

"But I don't want him coming back if it's for me," he said. Rowan smiled sympathetically.

"Harry, you're going to have to get used to us doing this," she said earnestly. Harry's grimace deepened. "No matter what happens, we're always going to worry about you, even when the reasons for worrying are small. That's what godparents do. This is Sirius' choice. You're not forcing him to come back, and to be honest, I'd be seriously angry if he weren't concerned enough to return." She shot him a teasing smile. He returned it a bit shyly.

"Okay," he said.

"Good," she said approvingly with a nod. She looked pointedly at him. "Now, have you figured out the egg yet?" Harry grimaced.

"No," he said sullenly, "but I still have like five weeks, right?"

"Harry," Rowan scolded.

"I know, I know," he insisted. "But really, I'll sort it out! I always do," he said. Rowan sighed and then sniffed the air through her stuffy nose. She frowned and turned to the back room.

"Ah, I need to add something to a cauldron," she said, standing from her stool. Harry craned his neck to look into the back room curiously. She smiled. "Do you want to see?" she offered. He nodded and followed her in but then stopped as she halted him at the doorway. She grabbed a large pair of goggles from her wall and strapped them to his face. He grunted as the elastic smacked him in the back of the head.

"Safety first," she teased. He scowled at her laughter but followed as she led him over to a lab bench where a series of cauldrons were bubbling.

There was a scent heavy in the air that Rowan could only describe as damp. Smoke rolled over the cauldrons, falling heavily and billowing over the floor like dense storm clouds. Harry stared openly as she moved to her shelf and pulled out a large jar of shimmering white powder. He then eyed the planter of flowers that stood on the far bench. They seemed to be held in an invisible glowing box that radiated heat. The flowers were all closed, though peeks of elegant white petals could be seen from the green buds. Rowan saw the questioning look on Harry's face and smiled.

"Those are called Bakony Lunar Flowers," she said.

"Are they important?" Rowan nodded.

"Yes, they're the primary ingredient in my lycanthropic research," she said. Harry's eyes widened with understanding. "They're from a remote mountain region in Hungary. They only bloom in moonlight and emit special magical properties on the night of the full moon. I can only harvest them when they're blooming and then have to process them before the end of the night while they're still active. As you can see, it's a very particular plant."

"That's the reason you went to Hungary all those years ago," Harry said, putting the facts together. Rowan nodded.

"Yes, I was there for two years," she said. She smiled faintly as she thought of those lonely couple of years in the distant mountains. She sprinkled some powdered unicorn horn in varying measurements into the cauldrons. They simmered quietly, taking on a silvery shimmer.

"You've been working on this for a long time," Harry said quietly. Rowan nodded.

"Nearly half my life now," she noted. Had it really been so long? The years had crept by slowly, and yet now, the starting years of her research felt so far away. The end of it still felt even farther. She had to quell the rising fear in her stomach, the small voice that pulled up her throat every so often in her darkest of moments. She pushed a reluctant smile to her lips. She spun the lid back onto the glass jar and moved briskly to the shelf again. She turned to see Harry close to her at the cauldrons. He was looking at her intensely, almost remorsefully.

"You were alone all this time, too," he said quietly. Rowan frowned, startled by the sudden question. Harry looked guilty, angry almost, as if it had been his fault for her supposed solitude. His face was so familiar. Her throat tightened. She imagined James was there, apologizing to her for leaving her behind, like a ghost from her countless dreams of him. Her lungs shook, but she smiled. Harry's frown deepened.

"No. No matter how alone we might've felt, we always had each other, even if you didn't know it," she said, eyes crinkling gently at him. She moved towards him and nudged him in the chest lightly. "And your mum and dad have always been here, for the both of us. Never forget that." She thought of all the lonely years and countless times she'd told herself the same thing. There had always been that undertone of loneliness there, but with Harry at her side, she suddenly felt as if she could believe her own words. Harry's lips trembled slightly. He gave a rapid series of blinks and then looked up at her shyly, giving a quiet but brilliant smile.

"Yeah." He nodded firmly, as if confirming it to himself. "Yeah," he repeated. His smile broadened a bit. "And now I do know it - that I have you and Sirius, I mean. Things won't be so lonely anymore now." Rowan smiled softly and knocked her forehead against his. Their goggles clunked together softly. They both grunted at the strange impact and then laughed. As Harry's arms wrapped around her waist tightly, she swallowed back the momentary sadness. The loneliness of all the years apart seemed to melt away slowly. She could only hope that Sirius came back soon so that he could start making up for lost time as well.


	23. The Second Task

**A/N: **Sirius finally makes his long-awaited appearance!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Source:** Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

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**missalex3030:** Word, being grown up sucks, but I'm glad the story makes you feel a little better! I'm so happy you're enjoying the developing relationship between Harry and Rowan. I think it'll become important as the story progresses. Don't let work get you down!

**SMGF1:** Thank you! I hope you had a fun trip!

**The Auburn Girl:** My 100th review! Thank you so much!

**WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx:** Thank you! I'm happy people are taking to Harry and Rowan's relationship positively. Sniffles are all gone! Good luck with the chapter!

**"Guest?":** Thank you SO MUCH! I can't tell you how happy I am that you've enjoyed the story so far, and I hope you continue to follow along. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think in the future. Thank you again!

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**July 2, 1974**

_Remus,_

_The base map you drafted is amazing! Thank Merlin you can draw, or else we'd be navigating through a shit storm of smeared ink. I'm still convinced that the witch on the Third Floor is hiding something though, so I'm going to leave that area blank for now. Winnie says she already got the coming term's passwords to the Slytherin Common Room from Evans, who got them from Snivellus, so we can sneak in there to map it first thing when term starts. I'll admit it was pretty hard getting her to give up that info. I had to barter some pretty rare Chocolate Frog cards. I think she's starting to suspect what we're doing, though it probably doesn't matter much. Should we tell her? It'd be a lot easier mapping the girls' toilets with her help instead of sneaking into them in the middle of the night [and I might tear my eardrums out if I have to listen to stupid Moaning Myrtle's whiny bitching again], but then she'd expect us to share the map with her. I guess we can discuss it with Pete and Sirius in September._

_Sirius is doing some research into tracking charms right now, so hopefully, we can get started on those as soon as we get back to the castle. Peter is supposed to be looking for some mapping charms to help find the secret passages, but you know him - it all depends on what Mummy Pettigrew is doing. Knowing him, he's probably rubbing her feet as we speak. I'm so glad my parents don't make me do crap like that._

_Also, have we got a surprise for you! You're never going to believe it when you see it. It's not done yet - it's really complicated, probably at least half a year's work left - but it's really incredible. Actually, you might get mad. But it's really, really cool. Okay, I'm pretty sure you're going to be mad. You can't tell McGonagall. Just promise you won't kill us, okay? We did it for you, after all._

_I'll be in Brighton with my parents and Winnie for the next couple of weeks if you need to reach me. Winnie says hi, by the way. Don't forget to send her a card on the 20th. We'll be sure to owl some saltwater taffy to you soon. Hope your furry friend is treating you well. Let me know how it goes this month! Talk to you soon._

_- James_

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**Chapter 22: The Second Task**

I.

"Achoo!"

Rowan looked up to see Remus pulling out a handkerchief from his robes pocket. He sniffled and wiped his red nose, shuddering slightly from the cold wind. He looked quite miserable.

"You sure you're okay?" she asked. Remus nodded blearily and wiped his nose once more before smiling tiredly at her and tucking the handkerchief into his pocket. She grimaced slightly. The full moon would be upon them in a few days, and he was looking worse for wear. Eyes sunken, nose red, and cheeks gaunt - the poor man hadn't looked so frail in a long time. She wanted to wrap him in a blanket like a sausage and put him to bed, but he wasn't having it. Frustration pooled in her stomach.

"I'm fine," he said gently. "Besides, there's no way I'd miss seeing Harry compete, especially now that we know it's merpeople. I'm eager to see how he's approaching this." Rowan nodded and grimaced again. She was eager to see him _show up, _let alone compete.

It was February 24th, the day of the Second Task, and Harry was nowhere to be found. As she looked around at the crowd, her chest clenched. All of the spectators around her were speculating as to where the youngest champion was. _Perhaps he's forfeiting. Perhaps he chickened out.__ He is so much younger than the others, after all_. Rowan frowned deeply then jumped as she felt a hand grip her forearm lightly. She looked up to see Remus smiling knowingly down at her.

"Don't worry. I'm sure Harry will turn up any minute now," he said consolingly. Rowan nodded warily, though she certainly didn't feel much better about it. If Harry didn't show up soon, he'd have to forfeit this round. She sighed and gazed around her again, passively taking in the sea of faces.

It was just her and Remus this time, as Mina and Will had been posted in London last minute on rumors that the dangerous felon Sirius Black had been spotted there earlier that day. Rowan wanted to grimace again. Despite all of their efforts to redirect the manhunt for their friend, it seemed that he was bound to be spotted at least once on his journey back north. Rowan was quite sure this spotting had actually been true this time, and even if it weren't, it hit too close to home to feel secure. Sirius was undoubtedly close to London, if not already there. She could only hope that they heard from him soon. It'd been eight months since any of them had seen him, after all.

But since Mina and Will were on duty, this left Rowan alone with Remus, and strangely enough, she didn't feel that perturbed by it. Her stomach had lurched slightly when Mina's quick message had arrived that morning, but now that she was actually there with Remus, it felt strangely natural. She could almost believe they were just friends in their Fifth Year again, posted in the stands watching James and Sirius play in another Quidditch match. It was liberating. She wondered if he felt it too, but as she glanced up at him, all she saw were the tired lines beneath his eyes and the slightly glaze of fatigue. It quickly brought her back to the present, where they were not so young nor so wide-eyed.

But then Remus' face lit up suddenly. "He's here!" he exclaimed. Her head jerked up as she jumped to her tip-toes to peer over the crowd. A few others shouted and pointed. She saw a skinny figure sprinting around the lake towards the gold-clad judges' table before screeching to a halt. The silvery head of Fleur Delacour recoiled as her legs were sprayed with mud. Rowan couldn't help but grin, suddenly feeling much lighter with relief. He'd made it!

"Oh, thank Merlin," she breathed. She beamed up at Remus. He smiled brightly back.

"_Well, all our champions are ready for the Second Task!" _came Ludo Bagman's booming voice over the lake once more. "_They will have exactly an hour to retrieve what was taken from them! __We will begin immediately, on my whistle!"_ He looked back to the champions. The older three nodded gravely, all standing in appropriate swimming wear. Rowan groaned. Unlike the other three who had already approached the edge of the water in anticipation, Harry was still behind, frantically flinging his socks and shoes off.

"What is he doing?" she whined. He didn't appear to have any sort of strategy! What had he been doing all this time? He wasn't even wearing swim gear! What happened to the swimming trunks she'd bought him over the summer?

"_Go!"_

Both the Diggory boy and Beauxbatons girl performed a quick Bubble Head Charm and dove into the water efficiently. There were a few groans as Krum's face began to contort strangely.

"Is he trying to perform human transfiguration?" Remus breathed.

Rowan couldn't answer. Her eyes were fixed on Harry, who had waded into the water strangely with his robes still on. She saw him shove something into his mouth quickly before flopping into the water ungracefully. She groaned and smacked a hand to her face as she heard a few jeers from a group of Slytherin students.

"Gillyweed," she muttered. Remus frowned down at her.

"What's wrong? That seems like a very smart move," he said. Rowan nodded grimly.

"Yeah, but it doesn't help much if you can barely swim," she commented as she saw Harry flounder slightly, the water bubbling above his head. There was another bark of laughter. Remus also grimaced and looked back.

"Oh, he's not a strong swimmer," he noted. Rowan sighed and nodded. Finally, the bubbles disappeared. It seemed as if he'd finally found somewhat of a rhythm. She just hoped he made it to the bottom in time.

* * *

II.

"Major General, we've searched the perimeter and set up the Level 3 spells. How should we proceed?"

Mina Surrey sighed inwardly but kept a straight face as she assessed the newbie officer in front of her. She couldn't remember this one's name. He looked just like the rest of the young ones. Did they all look the same or was she just old? She made a note to look over the registry again later and memorize the names better.

"Set up a patrol along the South Bank - two officers per patrol point. I'll send further instructions once I've corresponded with General Kingsley and the Muggle Prime Minister," she said calmly. The junior officer nodded and saluted her stiffly before turning on his heel and hurrying back to his post. As he turned the corner away from the impromptu command center the Auror Department had set up, Mina let out a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose tiredly. Slumping over the desk, she pressed her cheek against the cool top, letting her breath fog over its glossy surface. It stuck to her skin heavily. After another few seconds, ensuring that the officer was gone, she opened her eyes, letting them refocus slowly. With another deep breath, she stood and also ducked out into the cold winter air. She sucked it into her lungs, where it spread coolly, sinking into her stomach. It was strangely refreshing.

Mina blinked blearily into the bright wintery light and choked back a yawn, lest anyone ranking below her catch her unarmed. She was so tired though. She had woken before the sun had risen with reports that Sirius Black had been seen by Charing Street Station by an old man out for a walk with his dog in the middle of the night. She'd been out the door just as the faintest bit of light had hit the horizon.

Mina made a slow route for the Thames and took another deep breath. As she walked towards the water, a strangely green pine tree caught her eye. She thought of a certain green-eyed boy and wondered curiously how he was doing in the day's Task. She smiled a bit grimly. She wondered how _Rowan_ was doing. Indeed, she imagined Harry was faring quite well - she seemed to have much more confidence in the boy's abilities than Rowan - but she was still concerned about how her best friend was dealing with a day alone with Lupin. Despite her saying how she wanted them to just be friends again, Mina knew better than to take Rowan's words at face value. Despite slowly warming up to their formerly estranged friend again, she still had her reservations about leaving the two of them alone together. Unfortunately, there were more pressing matters at hand today.

There was the river. Mina sighed again as she reached the Southwark Bridge. Meandering slowly farther onto it, she paused and leaned against the railing, looking out onto the water. It was very gray and yet bright. She squinted out onto the city. There was a pinch of frustration there in her chest as she thought of her coming week's agenda. It was very tiring trying to falsely direct an entire department when she didn't even know to _where_ she should direct it. If only Sirius had contacted her even once about his plans, she could have a better idea of how to strategize. And yet, here she was again, stumbling through the dark trying to read his mind - all for _his_ sake. Couldn't he have just written to her once more since June, just to make her task a little easier? He'd obviously taken the time to contact Remus and Harry since then. Her throat tightened bitterly. That stupid, selfish man. He was still as short-sighted and inconsiderate as ever-

"_Woof!"_

Mina jolted and spun. Her breath caught. There, on the other side of the bridge, was an enormous shaggy black dog staring straight at her. Mina's stomach lurched.

"Siri-"

He bolted. Mina choked.

"Hey, wait!" she shouted. But he was already at the end of the bridge. She cursed violently under her breath and took off after him. Shoving one person after another to the side - a few shouted angrily at her - she burst through the foot traffic. He was already so far ahead of her! Why were there so many tourists today? She screamed with frustration as she jolted to a halt at an intersection. A car screeched its horn at her as she made a daring sprint through the street, timing carefully her leaps through the lanes. Finally, she spun around the corner. Her breath was forced out of her lungs as a hand grabbed her elbow and spun her into a dark corner. She made a move to shout, quickly arming her wand, but a hand firmly clamped over her mouth. She braced herself for an impact but none came.

Quietly, the world came into focus again, but instead of being slammed into a wall, she was pushed gently into a corner, a firm hand cushioning the back of her head securely. The other hand was still pressed to her mouth, but it wasn't harsh. Cupped efficiently over her face, there was just enough pressure to apply its message, but there was no urgency there. The panic in Mina's lungs quickly died away. A pair of gray eyes peered into hers.

"Ready?" he whispered. She nodded slightly. His lips twitched up into a small smile. His hand fell away, then he stepped back a polite distance. Her face felt strangely cold without it.

They stood in silence for a moment as Mina attempted to absorb the situation. She breathed deeply, shakily. He stood plainly in front of her, hands dangling at his sides and eyes focused intently on her. She stared at his form but couldn't seem to retain any of the information there. Was it really him? He smiled quietly.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't figure out another way of catching your attention," he whispered. Mina tried to glare, but her muscles wouldn't respond.

"How about an owl?" she suggested dryly. He gave half a smirk. Her chest ached at the familiar expression.

"You always were the smarter one of us," he said. She nodded vaguely.

"Why are you here? I thought you were going up north," she said quietly. He nodded.

"I am," he started. He faltered and looked down for a moment, suddenly strangely unsure of himself. Mina frowned. It'd been so long since she'd seen such an expression on him, and even when they'd been together, it'd been rare. He then looked back up at her with an earnest gaze. "I wanted to see you first," he said. "I needed to."

"Why?" Mina frowned as soon as the question left her mouth. It'd just bubbled from her stomach without her realizing it. He looked uncertain again.

"I just-" he stopped. "I just had to."

Mina's eyes seemed to come into focus slowly. She suddenly saw him - truly saw him - standing there, clothed in rags, limbs coated with dirt. Her mouth tightened with grief as she took in the matted state of his hair, the deep lines in his face. It was fuller than when she'd last seen him - his shoulders and chest had filled out a bit again as well - but he was still much too thin, much too gray. The inky black markings on his chest grabbed her eye, and before she could stop herself, her hand had risen, floating forward to trace them.

But it was intercepted. His hand shot out to grab hers, rough and callused. But despite the firmness of his grip, his hold was gentle. He took her pale hand between both of his. They were warm and hard. She felt the dirt from the pads of his fingers soak into her skin.

"Don't," he whispered. Mina's lips tightened. When had he ever refused her touch? He smiled sadly.

"Where will you go now?" she asked.

"Hogsmeade," he said. He looked at her contritely. "Harry needs me," he added. Mina nodded. Ever the attentive godfather - was it possible to feel both bitter and proud at once?

"You should see Rowan while you're there. I'm sure she can give you a thorough update," she said, drawing herself back in. She pulled her hand gently from his. Balling it up into a fist, she could feel the grains of soil caked into it. She kept it tight, hoping to hold onto whatever piece of him he'd left there. He smiled sadly still.

"Yeah. Yeah, I will," he said. He faltered again. "I'll be taking a route up through Islington... So you know, you and your people..." He looked at her contritely. She nodded.

"I'll make sure you don't have any problems getting out of the city," she said. He nodded.

"Thanks." She nodded as well.

"No problem," she said vaguely. She felt her eyes unfocus again, suddenly very tired. She'd never been a morning person. She couldn't wait to get home, to go to bed. Perhaps once she cleared a route for Sirius, she could convince Scrimgeour that it'd been a false alarm and they could all go home. "I better get to it. You should wait about an hour. The way should be clear by then," she said. She glanced up at him blankly. Sirius held her gaze with that hard searching look still. Something in her chest pinched. She needed to get back. She turned.

But then that hand grabbed her arm once more. She felt a flicker of anger in her chest as she turned to face him again. Why was he delaying her? He frowned, and she realized he had most likely read her face. But she didn't care. After all, she'd never made an effort to hide her anger from him before. Why would that change now?

But he didn't say anything. The anger began to rise. Why was he wasting her time when she was doing this for him? His frown deepened thoughtfully, searchingly. His eyes roved over her face. Any moment now, he'd say something. She kept urging him on mentally to say whatever he needed to say, but nothing came. She nearly scowled but turned again to lea-

"This is hard for me." Mina frowned and looked up at him again. His expression was desperate, hungry. She frowned, eyes widening. He seemed to be on the brink of something, searching desperately. His grip on her arm tightened, but not painfully. "I'm trying. I really am. But it's so hard," he whispered. Mina's mouth tightened again. She scanned over his tired eyes, his unshaven cheek. Why though?

"Don't," she said. He frowned, hurt. She shook her head. "Don't try for me. There are more important things you need to focus on than me," she said tiredly, looking away again. She gently pulled her arm again, but his grip held strong. She frowned.

"There's no such thing," he whispered. Mina's stomach lurched painfully. Heat suddenly rushed to her face. Why? Why was this happening now?

His grip released, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him again. He stood quietly with her still. She could feel his gaze upon her. Her chest ached. She needed to get back to her post. She couldn't stay here.

"Go," she said. She could feel him nod beside her.

"Okay," he whispered. He turned but then paused. She felt those hard fingers graze against hers once more. The dryness of the dirt there slid against her skin. A shiver trembled up her spine. "I'll let you know... when I'm ready." Mina's throat was tight, face hot. She couldn't look at him. She simply nodded blindly. His fingers lingered for a moment more and then they were gone. She heard a shift and saw a flicker of darkness from her eye, then there was silence. She knew he was gone once more.

The tightness of her fist released slowly. She brought her hands up steadily, palms up. Dusted over her hands was a thin film of soil. In the deep lines of her palms were dark lines, pressed into her skin. She ran a tentative thumb over the long line of her palm, smearing the dirt there, but it only buried underneath the nail instead, embedding itself even farther into her. Her lips tightened. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, dropping her hands back down to her sides. When she opened her eyes back up, she saw the gray sky above, still bleary and bleak. She took one last deep breath and drew herself up and in. She stepped out of the alleyway.

She had to clear the route north.

* * *

III.

"Ugh, this is so boring!"

Remus smiled tightly as the woman next to him whined impatiently. Nearly 45 minutes had already passed with no sign of any of the champions except the Beauxbatons girl, who had returned flopping and crying to the surface just a few minutes before, apparently defeated by Grindylows. She was now sitting in the medical tent with a thick blanket wrapped around her as she sniffled and heaved morosely, staring at the lake's surface desperately. The giantess headmistress hovered over her with a surprising gentleness. Remus sighed, stomach tight. He could only hope that Harry's absence meant that he was still doing well and that he'd been able to put his lessons from the year before to good use.

But the boy's godmother looked as if she were about to jump into the lake to go after him. She had remained on her feet the entire time, despite most of the other spectators sitting. He'd tried to match her energy, but even he was simply too tired, giving up and flopping down into his seat. His head felt slightly heavy. He sighed, hoping that he wouldn't catch a fever after this. But still, Rowan remained bouncing impatiently in place, eyes glued to the surface of the lake.

"Why didn't they put up a projection charm or something? There's no point in there even being spectators if we can't see anything!" she groaned. Remus grimaced. She did have a point there.

Remus took the lull to take in his companion's form. Her entire frame was rigid and shivering slightly as she vibrated on the spot, eyes blazing with determination in wait for her ward. He took in the serious line of her mouth and straight back. Her riotous hair was tied to the top of her head as usual, several bits flying rebelliously out of their confines with the harsh winter wind. Her cheeks were bitten pink.

He found that conflicted knot in his chest again. He'd spent countless hours since meeting her again pondering over the differences that had developed over the years and felt the corresponding mourning from the loss of the girl he'd once loved. In their few meaningful interactions, she'd surprised him again and again with how she'd changed. Had those changes been there when he'd left her without his realizing? Still, there were times when all he could see was the spitfire he'd always known, the driven idealist who'd convinced him for a time that perhaps her beautiful worldview could be reality. But she wasn't that - she wasn't! He had to continue to remind himself that even she of all people had grown less wide-eyed - less of a tempest and more of a distant howl. Wasn't denying those changes an insult to her and all that had been lost and damaged?

But standing there next to her, it was all so familiar. If he tried hard enough, he could nearly believe they were out for a day in Hogsmeade, and she was impatiently waiting for James to show up from whatever daily debauchery he and Sirius were up to. Something within him ached. Why couldn't he move past this? Past her?

"_Time is up!"_

Rowan groaned softly, eyes melting with despair. She looked searchingly over the lake. It remained undisturbed.

"_However, our three remaining champions still have not returned. We have no choice but to continue to wait!"_

"Rowan, sit down. You're going to wear yourself out before you even get a chance to see Harry," Remus said softly. He put a gentle hand to her arm. She frowned with some disappointment and faltered. He kept his grip on her. He saw that familiar flicker in her eyes - the one of the spritely girl from long ago. He wanted to hold onto her just for a moment. Finally, she nodded and sank into her seat quietly. She looked up at him and smiled quietly. His throat tightened.

"You look awful," she noted with a slight smile. He glared weakly.

"Says you," he countered. "You should see your hair." Rowan glared pointedly.

"You always said you liked my hair," she pouted. He grinned.

"Yeah, well, we were dating back then - like I had a choice," he teased. Rowan glowered and punched him in the arm. He laughed. A wave of relief hit him hard for some reason.

"Rude!" He laughed harder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Rowan scowled up at him. He couldn't help but grin at the comfortable familiarity of the scenario. How many times had they gone through this dance? His chest was warm with the knowledge that no matter how much had changed, they could still return to this, even if it were mimicry. Her expression softened, as if reading his mind.

"You're sure you're okay though? You always get sick around this time of year. I don't want you bed-ridden again," she said. Her eyes peered up at him concernedly. In the gray light, they looked deeper, darker, than usual. His tongue felt too big for his mouth.

"Yeah," he choked. "Yeah, I'm-"

"There!"

Remus jolted upward as he saw Rowan's face light up. She leapt back to her feet, hopping up to see what the commotion was about. Remus, too, heaved himself to his feet to peer over the heads of the crowd. There, on the surface of the lake, were two dark mops of hair. Remus' smile fell, as did Rowan's - it wasn't Harry. Cedric Diggory swam gracefully for the shore with his rescued prisoner clinging to his arm, suddenly awake and gasping for air. Remus noted curiously that it was Cho Chang, the Fifth Year Ravenclaw Seeker. Four Seekers involved in the tournament - what a strange coincidence. He thought amusedly to himself that if Draco Malfoy had somehow found a way to compete, there would have been five.

_"Wait a moment!"_ Rowan and Remus perked back up. "_Another competitor has emerged! It's - yes, it's Krum!"_ Rowan's face fell again, though she smirked mirthfully at the sight of Hermione coming to in the arms of the Bulgarian Seeker. The girl seemed to hesitantly hold onto his large shoulders, flinching as his face morphed strangely back into the brooding young man.

"Is that Hermione?" Remus asked Rowan with confusion. Rowan grinned and nodded.

"I'll tell you about it later," she said, smirking. He nodded and turned back to see Krum pushing Hermione up onto the shore, where Madame Pomfrey was ready with the largest blanket he'd ever seen. Rowan sighed.

"Where is he?" she mumbled despairingly. Remus smiled consolingly.

"He'll make it back soon. Don't worry. I'm sure there's a good reason he's so behind," he said. Rowan grimaced but didn't look up at him. Her eyes remained fiercely fixed on the lake.

There was slight chatter throughout the crowd over Krum and Diggory's reemergence from the water and Harry's remaining absence. With each minute that passed, Rowan's expression grew heavier and heavier. Remus was sure her eyebrows might fuse together if they furrowed any deeper. But finally, after another five minutes, they shot up to her hairline. Her entire body seemed to seize.

"Harry!" she shouted. There was a shared cry of applause as three - not two - heads emerged gasping from the water. Remus smiled knowingly as he saw the silvery blonde haired girl on his side and the inconsolable Fleur Delacour thrashing on the sidelines, clawing her way from her Headmistress' hold for the shore.

"I see," he said. Rowan frowned up at him. He grinned.

"He had two hostages to save, not just one. Look," he said, nodding to the lake's edge where Fleur was now desperately pulling her sopping wet and weeping miniature doppelganger from the water. Rowan's eyes widened with understanding. She smiled and shook her head disbelievingly.

"That kid," she muttered fondly. Remus grinned.

"Was he being noble or thick?" he wondered out loud. Rowan let out a barking laugh.

"Probably a little of the former and more of the latter," she joked. Remus grinned.

"Come on. Let's go now before everyone else starts to head out," he said. Rowan nodded, and he gestured for her to lead. She turned to begin pushing through the row steadily, muttering apologies to those around them. As they made their way slowly for the exit, Remus peered over the lake once more. It looked like it might rain soon.

* * *

IV.

Rowan and Remus walked briskly but quietly along the edge of the lake for the medical tent where Harry, Ron, and Hermione currently were. As they made their way down the path, Rowan could hear Ludo Bagman announcing the scores, but she strangely didn't care suddenly. There was a tension she hadn't been aware of in her neck, seeping out slowly with the cold mountainous winds. She peered calmly out over the large lake and felt the presence of her companion solidly at her side. How many times had they walked this same route together? She smiled faintly to herself. Out of all those happy afternoons, she'd never once imagined that they'd be together here like this now. What had he been thinking during those times? Where had he seen himself going? Her throat clenched slightly still, even now, as she berated herself for her shortsightedness as a girl. She wanted to tell herself that she'd grown since then, that she knew better now. Regardless of the selfish assumptions she'd made back then, she was a different person now, as was he. She told herself they were both better.

"Look."

Rowan looked up to see his long finger pointed out over the lake into the distance. Rowan followed its trajectory to see a few white tentacles poking up out of the water, waving lazily. Rowan's face lit up happily.

"Squid!" she laughed. She waved back eagerly. One of the tentacles floated upward higher, as if in response. She giggled slightly to herself then looked back up at Remus, who was smiling fondly at the giant cephalopod in the distance.

"He remembers you," he said. Rowan grinned but shook her head.

"No, I'm sure he's forgotten all about me by now. He's just being friendly," she said. The floating appendages sank slowly back beneath the surface of the water, leaving the unbroken line of horizon. Remus shook his head.

"No, I've heard he remembers everyone, like an elephant," he said. He lowered his hand but continued to watch the squid amusedly. "And you used to spend so much time out here playing with him - there's no way he's forgotten," he insisted. Rowan shrugged and turned back to continue on towards Harry, but just as she was about to step again, she saw a figure in the corner of her eye stumbling dazedly down the path behind them. She frowned and turned to face it. Her eyes widened.

"Mr. Crouch?" she called. The Ministry official looked up in confusion, eyes wide. Rowan's frown deepened. His usually immaculate robes were slightly disheveled, moustache uncombed. He looked around himself dazedly in search of the source of her voice, but his eyes didn't seem to able to focus on anything. She stepped toward him, concern welling up in her stomach. Remus followed. "Mr. Crouch, are you okay?"

Barty Crouch paused in his neck-craning and frowned deeply. He then finally turned to face her, eyes taking on their usual sharpness. Rowan paused in front of him, peering up into his face with mouth twisted tightly. Years ago, Richard had given her a doll for her birthday - maybe her seventh. The doll had twirled languidly in the silence, but as soon as music started, it wound up rigidly and moved with mechanical precision, almost weapon-like. It had irked her deeply, even as a child. She and James ended up taking it completely apart and reassembling it with its arms and legs reversed so that it stumbled around on its hands. They'd then crushed it underfoot completely, terrified of the monstrosity they'd created. Watching Crouch now, she couldn't help but think back to that doll, so determined to execute its purpose at the sound of the record player.

"Delacroix," he said pointedly at Rowan. He sized her up, eyes scanning over her. Rowan frowned. He'd always been a particularly blunt man, but seeing him in this disheveled state completely disrupted his typical salutation. She nodded hesitantly.

"Mr. Crouch," she greeted. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the judges' table?" she asked. Crouch nodded tersely.

"Weatherby is filling in for me. I've been unwell as of late," he explained. Rowan nodded slowly. That would help to explain his strange appearance, she supposed, perhaps his strange behavior as well. She looked him over discreetly and saw that his shoelaces were untied and he appeared to only be wearing one sock. She kept the frown from her face and looked back up to Crouch's face.

"I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon," she said politely. Crouch nodded again.

"Thank you, Master Delta. Now if you'll excuse me, I must be getting back home," he said. Rowan frowned. _Delta_? But before she could inquire further, he turned on his heel and made a hard beeline for the stands in the opposite direction. Rowan stared after him, an uneasy feeling brewing in her stomach. Was Barty Crouch finally letting himself go? In all the years she'd known him, she'd never once seen him with a hair out of place. Unlike his strange arrival, he now walked rigidly as he always had, chin out and forward, arms swinging purposefully. Why had he come here only to leave again immediately?

"That was bizarre," Remus said quietly, stepping up next to Rowan. She nodded, still watching the older man's back. Finally, he made it beyond the grounds' enchantments and Disapparated on the spot. She sighed and looked back up at Remus. He met her gaze gently.

"Shall we go then?" he asked. Rowan nodded.

"Yeah." Remus started again for the medical tent, and Rowan made a step to follow. She paused once more and looked back. The space Barty Crouch had been in felt heavier than before. Perhaps she should ask Percy about the magnitude of Crouch's illness.

* * *

V.

Remus craned his neck over the group of students in the medical tent with Rowan bouncing at his side, desperately trying to spot Harry. He saw the lumbering form of Viktor Krum with a small form next to him, whom he identified as Hermione. Beside her, there was a dark mop of red hair. Remus smiled and gestured to he corner to Rowan. She stretched her neck eagerly, face lighting up as she spotted the teenagers and then grabbed Remus' sleeve, pulling him to the far corner. He laughed at her impatience.

As they approached, they slowed down a bit, and Remus' mouth spread into a steady grin. With Ron and Harry was the beautiful Beauxbatons girl, eyes still puffy from crying but smiling brilliantly at the two of them. She was bent over, speaking to Harry eagerly so that Remus and Rowan couldn't see the boy's face. She then stood and turned to Ron, who turned a bright shade of red. She said something quickly, and he offered a dumb nod in response, eyes wide with disbelief that she was addressing him. She then beamed and swept down, kissing him twice on the cheek before gliding back to her little sister. Rowan let out a loud derisive snort, and the two boys' eyes shot up to see them approaching. Ron's face turned magenta. Harry beamed with embarrassment and pleasure at seeing her.

"Hey, lover boy," Rowan teased. She grinned cheekily down at the youngest Weasley boy, whose face contorted morosely at realizing she'd watched the entire exchange. She laughed openly and pinched his cheek. He groaned and swatted her hand away before burrowing deeper into the giant blanket. Remus caught Hermione scowling at Ron from the corner of his eye and hid a grin. He turned back to see Harry leaping to his feet to hug Rowan fiercely.

"Oh, I could kill you for being so dense!" she laughed. She released him, and he smiled sheepishly at her. Remus noted that Harry was now an inch taller than she, perhaps more than that. When had that happened? "You're lucky Bagman and Dumbledore are bleeding hearts. _Moral fiber_, my ass," she jabbed, mussing up his wet hair. He grinned contritely and blushed.

"But Harry's tied for first now!" Ron exclaimed, grinning up excitedly at them, embarrassment forgotten. "He's going to win! I know it!" Remus smiled amusedly. Now that Ron had looked past his ego, he was just the friend Harry needed. No wonder he'd been Harry's stolen object.

"Don't get cocky there. He's still got one more task," Rowan said smiling. She eyed Harry pointedly. "So gillyweed, huh? Where'd you get that idea?" Harry smiled lightly but looked away.

"A friend," he said vaguely. Rowan raised a brow. Harry grinned. "Maybe I'll introduce you two sometime. I think you'd like him," he said. His face perked up. "Oh, do you know of any shops in town that sell weird socks by any chance?" he asked. Rowan frowned.

"Socks?" she echoed thoughtfully. "You know, strangely enough, Gladrags Wizardwear specializes in weird socks. They even have a line that screams at you when they get too smelly," she said mirthfully. Harry and Ron nodded eagerly. Remus looked between the two of them.

"Why do you two need socks?" he asked curiously. Harry gave that secretive grin again.

"They're for the friend," he said. Rowan frowned.

"I'm very curious to meet this friend now," she said. Remus nodded thoughtfully, scanning through all the individuals at the castle who could have helped Harry with his task, but he couldn't pinpoint anyone who would have extensive knowledge on aquatic plants and/or would have a love of lurid socks.

"Rowan!"

They all turned to see Percy Weasley jogging over eagerly. He grinned eagerly at the older woman, who smiled patiently.

"Looking sharp, Perce. I heard you're filling in for Crouch," she said. He nodded proudly, chest puffing out.

"Yes, he's been feeling unwell as of late, so he's entrusted me with representing him and the department here as a judge!" he said glowingly. Rowan smiled and nodded, though her expression faltered hesitantly.

"I don't mean to pry, but what exactly does he have? Remus and I just ran into him, and he was looking rather rough," she said concernedly. To Remus' surprise, Percy's eyes widened with shock.

"Wait, here? Mr. Crouch? Surely you're mistaken," he said. Rowan shook her head.

"No, we definitely just saw him, right, Remus?" she said glancing up at him. He nodded with a grimace. Percy looked between the two of them shiftily, brow furrowing. "I've never seen him so disheveled. Whatever he has must certainly be straining," she said. Percy frowned deeply, thinking hard. Remus frowned as well. The young man then drew himself up haughtily.

"Well, that's to be expected of someone as diligent as Mr. Crouch. Even when he's terribly ill, his mind is still focused on seeing his work through efficiently," he said proudly, though obviously side-stepping the question. Rowan gave a crooked, strained smile. She was clearly used to this.

"Yes, well, I do hope he gets better soon," she said. "Please give him my regards." Percy nodded eagerly, smiling proudly at the older woman. He then turned to Harry and extended a hand, which Harry took tiredly. He shook it with such gusto that Harry's shoulder undulated. Remus smiled amusedly at Percy's formal behavior.

"Harry, old boy, that was some excellent work! You really made us proud today! Mother and Father will certainly be proud when they hear about it!" he said loudly. Rowan sighed quietly and looked up at Remus with a knowing, exasperated look. He smiled encouragingly.

"Er, thanks, Percy. And thanks for supporting me at the judges' table," said Harry awkwardly, pulling his hand away stiffly.

"Of course, of course. There really was nothing to support! It was obvious to anyone with half a brain-" he said in a suddenly hushed voice, eyeing the Durmstrang Headmaster "-that you deserved the full points!" he said proudly. He looked around at Rowan and Remus as if expecting them to applaud his little speech. They both smiled and nodded. He beamed and then spun back on Harry. "Well, I must be off to send a report to Mr. Crouch. Let me know if you need anything. I hope I see you again before the Third Task, but if not, good luck with school!" He then turned to Ron. "Make sure you write to Mother, okay? She's been pestering me non-stop about you," he scolded. Ron scowled.

"Shove off, Perce," he bit back. Percy glared but then looked up. He babbled excitedly to Rowan and Remus once more, shook their hands eagerly, and then took off for the judges' table again. Remus sighed deeply, suddenly very tired.

But Harry was already looking up at Rowan strangely with mouth tight. She frowned.

"What's up?" she asked.

"I also saw Mr. Crouch in the castle recently - on the map," Harry said quietly. Rowan and Remus frowned.

"In the castle? When?"

"Last week in the middle of the night - I was sneaking back from the-" Rowan gave him a disapproving look. He grinned. "-the Prefects' bathroom where I was working out the egg's clues, and I saw Barty Crouch in Snape's office."

"In Snape's office? And you're sure it was Crouch?" Rowan asked, eyes narrowing. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, well, at least I think it was Crouch. It was dark though, so I might've been mistaken. Or maybe the map made a mistake," he said quickly. Remus shook his head, stomach tight from Harry's troubling words.

"No, I told you before - the map doesn't make mistakes," he said firmly. Rowan nodded grimly. They shared a dark look. The Marauder's Map was _always_ right - Crouch had been in Snape's office.

"Did you tell anyone?" Remus asked. Harry nodded.

"I ran into Professor Moody right after and told him. He's keeping an eye out for him with the Map." Rowan frowned.

"You gave him the Map?" she asked incredulously. Harry nodded hesitantly.

"Should I not have?" Remus and Rowan shared a grimace. Remus ran a hand through his hair, thinking of the old Auror hunched over the map in his office. He certainly trusted the man, but knowing that the map was no longer in Harry's possession was troubling for some reason.

"It's not that big of an issue - Moody will take care of it, I'm sure - but it's something we'd always intended to keep within a line of successors. Just make sure you get it back from him," he said. Harry nodded.

"I'm sorry," Harry apologized. Remus smiled.

"It's really not a problem, Harry. I just imagine your dad would want you to be the only one to have it. Sirius too," he said. Harry smiled and nodded.

"I was thinking - should I pass it on after we graduate as well? I know it's a ways off, but I wasn't sure if you'd want me to keep it or continue the tradition of handing it down," he said. Remus looked to Rowan, who also smiled.

"What do you think?" he asked. She hummed thoughtfully.

"Hm, well, you all handed it down, right? It seems fair that the tradition would continue," she said. She smiled slowly, cheekily. "I'd imagine Mssrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs would prefer to see mischief continued at Hogwarts even after their direct successors graduated, after all. Wouldn't you agree?" Her eyes glowed conspiratorially. He grinned.

"Indeed," he nodded. He turned to Harry, who was now smiling as well. "I'd say to start compiling a list of potential successors then. I think Aarini Farago would be up there towards the top of the list," he said. Harry nodded and looked to Ron, who shrugged.

"Okay," Harry said. Remus smiled and slumped slightly, suddenly feeling very tired as the excitement of the day fell away. He took a deep, steady breath but then felt a hard stare upon him. He looked down to see Rowan looking up at him with a narrow look.

"You really look awful," she said, but unlike the last time, she didn't smile. Worry was etched all over her face. Remus opened his mouth to brush off her concerns again but went rigid as her hand flew up to his forehead. Both of their eyes widened. "Remus, you're burning up!" she said. Her brow furrowed. "I told you it was a bad idea for you to come out today! You need to go home and rest!" she scolded. Remus smiled tiredly, willing the heat in his face away. He tried to tell himself it was from the fever.

"I'm fine, Winnie. I'll go to bed early tonight and take it easy tomorrow. It's fine. I promise," he said consolingly, but Rowan scowled.

"No, you're going home right now, where you're going straight to bed," she said fiercely. She turned to Harry quickly. Her expression softened slightly.

"Congratulations again, Harry. You did great today. I'm really so, so proud," she said ardently. Harry smiled warmly and nodded. She enveloped him tightly into a hug.

"Thanks, Rowan. And thanks for coming," he said as she released him, nodding to both her and Remus. "Get better soon. Don't push yourself too hard," he said seriously to the older man. Remus smiled sheepishly, feeling very foolish for being scolded by a fourteen year-old. He nodded.

"I will. Congrats, Harry. Great work on those Grindylows," he said. Harry grinned. He waved them off as Rowan dragged Remus away by the sleeve. She winked cheekily at Hermione as they walked past her and Krum. She blushed but grinned and waved at them, seemingly ignoring whatever Krum was saying momentarily. The Quidditch star eyed them suspiciously.

As they made it past the tents and towards town, Rowan released Remus' arm. He felt the cold absence in his muscles. They moved slowly, quietly together until, finally, they came to the end of the path, just outside of town where the enchantments lifted. Rowan looked up at Remus with that hard look again. He drew back slightly.

"Go straight home to bed, okay? And don't bother coming in tomorrow to get the Wolfsbane. I'll owl it to you. You just focus on eating soup and sleeping. I'm going to ask your dad if you're in bed, so you better not try anything," she commanded. He nodded weakly. Her expression softened. "You really need to take care of yourself better, Remus. We're not getting any younger, you know." He smiled gently.

"I know. I will. Thanks, Winnie," he said. She nodded and smiled back.

"Of course," she said. She shivered slightly as a particularly harsh wind blew down the mountain side. A long strand of her hair tore out of the top knot, whipping through the air. He looked down at her small frame and wondered how she ever stayed warm.

"You should get inside before you get sick again too. Are you going back to the shop?" he asked. She nodded.

"Yeah, I've already been out long enough. The other patients will be coming around soon for the day's dose," she said. He nodded.

"You work too hard," he said. She smirked.

"Says you." He shrugged.

"Well, take care then. I'll see you not tomorrow, but the next day," he said. She glared.

"Only if you're better. I have no problem owling it to you," she insisted. He shook his head.

"No, I'm putting you out enough as it is. I'll be better by then. Promise." She sighed.

"Fine. I'll see you in two days then." He nodded.

"See you." He made a move to step back to Disapparate but then paused. She looked up at him, head cocking curiously.

"What?" He frowned. That was a good question. He wasn't even sure why he'd stopped, but it felt unnatural to part with her on such a casual note. Wasn't there something else to say? Something in his stomach felt uneasy, a gaping absence. But how else would they part? He sighed.

"Nothing. Mental lapse is all. Sorry," he said, shaking himself inwardly. What was wrong with him? He smiled. "I'll see you later, Winnie." She nodded and smiled.

"Later."

And with a pop, he felt himself sucked into the void. The last image he saw of Hogsmeade was Rowan's smiling face, twisting through space and his mind's eye.


	24. Snuffles

**A/N:** Whew, this was a tough one to write. It's damn long too, which is why the update took me so long. We have a lot of catching up to do with our friend Snuffles. I hope everyone had a fun Halloween!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

**Eirithdiel:** THANK YOU! I'm amazed you got through the entire story in just a few days haha. I'm so happy you've enjoyed Rowan and Remus' story so much. I'm also eager to start bringing Tonks in. We're almost done with the GoF, so she'll be making an appearance soon! Thanks so much again!

**Magdylena Black:** Hello! Thank you so much for reading and your kind review! I hope you keep enjoying the ride with me. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think in the future too! Thanks again!

**missalex3030:** Ah, I'm so glad the tempo seems appropriate. I slowed it down just slightly, and I think it feels better paced now. And I'm really glad my updates can brighten your day b/c mine definitely gets better whenever I get an email saying, "A new review has been posted to your story." I always think, "Yisssss," whenever I see that haha. Sorry for the update delay! I hope you're having a good day today!

**SweetButteri:** Thank you! I'm glad you're approving of the speed now. I think it also feels better now that it's slowed down a bit.

**SMGF1: **Thank you, as always!

**Nikos Pyrr: **Is it strange that I'm pleased people have mixed feelings about seeing Rowan and Remus together again? I don't know. It's like I'm happy Rowan has become her own character rather than just an OC made solely to be with Remus. It feels really satisfying that they've taken on such obvious flaws and conflicts. So thank you! And yes, Tonks will be making an appearance soon, probably right as GoF ends, possibly a little before.

Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**March 3, 1995**

_Dear Rowan,_

_You know how you told me to tell you if Karkaroff did anything suspicious? Well, just that happened today._

_Ron, Hermione and I were talking in Potions about the stupid article Rita Skeeter wrote about me, Hermione and Krum. It's a load of crap. I was pretty angry about it earlier, but after thinking about it in the great scheme of things, I suppose it's just more annoying than anything else. I will say though that she knows things she shouldn't, like that Krum invited Hermione to visit him in Bulgaria over the summer. We think she might have an invisibility cloak or something because Krum said that really quietly after the Second Task when they were drying off and no one would have been able to hear it besides them. _

_But that's besides the point. The point is what happened after. Snape overheard us and docked off 20 house points and then accused me of stealing from his private storeroom. I'm afraid my friend might've stolen the gillyweed from there, but he also said something about boomslang skin, which I certainly don't know anything about. It's not like I'm going around brewing potions in my spare time. I told him I got the gillyweed from you, which just pissed him off more I think. He threatened to use Veritaserum on me, which is a load of bollocks. There's no way he'd have the guts to do that, right?_

_But that's when Karkaroff came storming in. He said Snape's been avoiding him and that he wouldn't leave until he had his say. He pulled his sleeve up and showed Snape something on his arm and said that thing again about it becoming "clearer and clearer." I know you said you don't know what that means, but he seemed really upset - afraid. You said he's a coward, but would he do anything drastic out of fear? I don't know. I really don't think he's the one who put my name in the Goblet, but if he used to be a Death Eater, I'm still a little worried that he might target me for some reason. What do you reckon I should do?_

_Other than that, things have been going fine. I'm finally getting the hang of cross-species spells in Transfiguration, and I'm doing great in DADA. Moody told us sort of about how he lost his leg while explaining the Disintegration Curse. Do you know anything about what happened? He said it was crushed under a partially disintegrated column during the war, so I figured you might've been a part of the Order when it happened. He even removed the wooden prosthetic and showed us the knobby end of his thigh where his knee was cut off. It was pretty gnarly looking. Does Mina have any bad injuries from her time as an Auror, too?_

_We have a Hogsmeade trip at the end of the week, but I'm meeting up with your counterpart - he says he'll be back in town by then. I'm a little worried, to be honest. We'll try to stop by after, but I don't know if there'll be time. He sounded like he wanted to talk about something serious. _

_- Harry_

* * *

**Chapter 23: Snuffles**

I.

"The usual firewhiskey, Master Delacroix."

There was the dull thud of glass on wood. Rowan looked up from the amber liquid plopped onto the table in front of her to see a gruff gray beard inches from her face. She followed it up to see a pair of glassy blue eyes staring down at her with their usual hard glint, the dim yellow light of the dingy bar reflecting off them dully. She scowled.

"Stop calling me that," she said. Aberforth grinned roguishly and reached down, mussing up her hair roughly. She groaned.

"You worked hard for that title. Why not use it?" he asked, propping a hand onto his hip at his apron. Rowan frowned.

"You've known me since I was thirteen. Why would you call me anything other than my name?" she asked. The older man simply smiled in an avuncular way. She sighed and nodded to the seat across from her.

"Join me for a bit? Mina is running late," she said. He nodded and plopped down into the wooden chair. He pulled out his wand and waved it at the bar, summoning a bottle of butterbeer from beneath the counter. Watching him open it with his rough hands, Rowan smiled fondly as he took a long gulp, Adam's apple buoying up and down his neck. He gasped happily as he came back up for air.

"So what's the news? Anything exciting happen this week?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Same old, same old," she said. Indeed, nothing had happened over the past week since the First Task. She supposed that was something to feel grateful for - better no news than bad news. "What about you?" she asked, nodding to him.

"Caught wind of a couple of interesting trades. You interested in some ground centaur hoof?" he asked with a grin. Rowan gagged.

"What? What the hell would anyone use that for?" The older wizard shrugged.

"Bloke said something about male virility. Dunno - guess it helps you get it up," he said. Rowan glared.

"How would that help me?" He grinned again.

"Male enhancement potions for your stock? Or perhaps for your own personal romps?"

"_What_ personal romps?"

They both looked up to see Mina looking down at them with a smirk. Rowan glared up at her best friend.

"Says you - like you're getting any either," she said pointedly. Mina shrugged. The older man laughed. Mina smiled broadly.

"Abe, how are you?" she asked happily. Aberforth Dumbledore stood from the seat and embraced Mina brusquely in a one-armed hug.

"Nothing to complain about. How about you, missy? The master here was telling me how you're being overworked," he said. Mina sighed.

"Yeah, well, what else is new?" she said tiredly. She gestured to the seat. "Please, stay a little longer." Aberforth shook his head.

"Nah, I've got to get back to work. I don't trust that new kid I just hired to take over for me long - a bit dim, I think," he said, nodding to the young gangly man manning the bar. He looked to be barely eighteen, eyes wide and nervous as the rougher patrons shouted at him from one end of the bar to the next. Rowan grinned. The poor kid looked way over his head. Aberforth turned back to Mina and Rowan. "I'll send him over with your usual?" he asked. They nodded, and with a grin, he was gone, stalking towards the bar where a particularly large man was now harassing the newbie bartender for not mixing his drink correctly. Mina sat down in her chair across from Rowan tiredly. Rowan shot her a sympathetic smile.

"Long week?" she asked. Mina groaned quietly and rubbed her temples, slumping onto her elbows on the table.

"You have no idea," she muttered. Rowan smirked.

"How's Scrimgeour?" Mina snorted.

"As unbearable as ever. After the Snuffles sighting in London over the weekend, he's been on my ass at every turn like I'm incompetent or something," she said dully. Rowan scowled.

"Are we _really_ calling him 'Snuffles?'" she asked. Mina shrugged.

"Kingsley came up with it. You should've seen how pleased he was with that. I'm sure Snuffles won't be pleased, but no one _chooses_ their nickname," she said. Rowan smiled wryly.

"I guess that's true," she mused, she thought back to the Marauders' nicknames. Remus and Peter certainly hadn't really chosen theirs but James and Sirius most likely gave each other theirs. It seemed like a bit of a cheat. She then shook herself and drew the humor back once again. "But Scrimgeour's upset about the London thing? I thought you all passed it off as a false sighting," she said. Mina nodded.

"That's the official report, but Scrimgeour's pissed we still haven't found him, regardless of whether it's in London or in Reykjavik," she said. She sighed but then looked up quickly with a piercing glare. The young man from the bar jerked up straight and awkward, plates clattering on his tray. He gaped at the Auror.

"What do you want?" she asked sharply.

"I-I-I just-t-" he sputtered. His eyes darted down to the tray. On it were two plates of potatoes and chicken and a tall bottle of butterbeer. Rowan smiled amusedly at him. He had clearly applied for a job at the wrong pub.

"Thank you very much. I can take those," she said cheerily, snatching the plates off the tray quickly and setting them on the table. She then grabbed the bottle of butterbeer, snapped the cap off with a flick of her wand and clonked it down in front of Mina. She then smiled again up at the young man, who looked perhaps even more nervous than before. "You're new here. What's your name?" she asked bluntly.

"T-Timothy. Timothy Blenkinsop," he said tinily. Rowan nodded and gave him another cheery smile. This kid did not belong in the Hog's Head.

"Well, Timothy, it was lovely meeting you. Please send Abe our thanks," she said crisply. He stared dumbly for a moment. Rowan nodded again, and he scurried away. She sighed and looked back to Mina who was already cutting into her food, obviously lacking the patience to deal with such a clueless youth. Rowan grinned.

"Poor, poor Timothy," she said. Mina rolled her eyes as she chewed her first bite of supper.

"Timofy needs t' git 'is shit togever," she mumbled, mouth full. Rowan laughed, tucking into her own dinner.

* * *

"So it _was_ him," Rowan said quietly.

The two women were now full and cradling bottles of butterbeer. After their table had been cleared by the ever-bumbling Timothy [Mina had offered him a polite smile now that her hunger had been assuaged. He'd blushed furiously], they'd gotten to discussing their week. As Rowan had little to update her best friend with, the evening seemed relegated to Mina, whom Rowan could easily see was deeply troubled by the most recent events. Mina gave a grim nod.

"Yeah, he should be here any day now, if he's not already around somewhere," she said. Rowan's mouth took on a tight line.

"But you saw him then," she continued. Mina let out a long quiet sigh, eyes squeezing shut.

"Unfortunately," she muttered. Rowan frowned questioningly and waited for her to continue. Mina's mouth twitched for a moment, eyes opening slowly to stare hard at her bottle. "I just don't get him - what he's expecting from me. He knows I'm doing all this work to steer things away from him, and yet he does nothing to help me with it. Instead, he purposely seeks me out in the most dangerous city for him, putting both of us at risk. And then he doesn't even tell me anything important. What was even the point of it all?" Rowan's frown deepened.

"He didn't tell you anything?" she asked. Mina rubbed her forehead, lips twisting with frustration. Rowan could see her walking through their encounter internally for probably the hundredth time. She stared urgingly at her friend. "What'd he say, Mina?" Mina' lips stretched tautly.

"It's stupid," she muttered. Rowan glared.

"Mina."

Mina half-groaned, half-sighed. "He said... he just wanted to see me - that he needed to."

Rowan blinked blankly.

"That is stupid," she said. Mina nodded her head.

"Right? He risked getting _both _of us caught just because he's a moron who couldn't wait a couple of weeks for everyone to meet again here! He's like a fucking child!" she said with heavy exasperation, throwing her hands up slightly to punctuate her sentence. She brooded angrily for a moment, and Rowan took the lull to consider Sirius' behavior. Her mind slowed as she thought of how solitude over the years.

"I guess he's lonely," she noted quietly. Mina's eyes narrowed onto the bottle in her hands. Rowan half-smiled, hearing her friend's thoughts as if they were her own - they were _all_ lonely, weren't they? "And he still loves you desperately," she said. Mina's mouth twitched with effort. Rowan watched her warily, questioningly.

"I don't know how," she finally said, quietly. "He doesn't know anything about me anymore. It's not like nothing has changed." Rowan nodded. She could hardly argue there.

"Would you consider trying to be with him again? Provided that you're still compatible, of course," she asked. Mina frowned, shifting uneasily.

"I don't know," she mumbled. "I don't know if that's possible for me at all anymore - being compatible with anyone." Rowan nodded again. They had both buried away those kinds of dreams long ago, secretly resigned to filling their lives with other, probably more worthwhile endeavors. Still, she had to admit that it grew too silent at times. She imagined Mina felt the same. Mina smiled crookedly, sheepishly at Rowan.

"Well, I've bummed you out sufficiently with my Saturday rendezvous. How was yours?" she asked. Rowan's smile matched hers.

"Hmm, it was good I suppose - surprisingly comfortable considering the circumstances. Did you read about what happened?" Mina nodded.

"Yeah, Will gave me the play-by-play. He was listening on the radio. Harry's turning out to be more and more like James, isn't he?" she mused. Rowan grinned.

"Yes, deceptively thick under the guise of nobility," she joked. Mina laughed.

"Definitely James," she said. Her smile then faltered slightly. "But you were okay alone with Remus?" she asked. Rowan nodded.

"Yeah, it wasn't awkward at all, strangely enough - a little nostalgic perhaps, being on the school grounds and all - but it was actually pretty nice just spending the morning together casually. I really think I might be over him," she said. Mina eyed her skeptically. Rowan smiled. "I mean it. I can't be sure of course - I don't know if I'll ever _really_ be over him, but I'm happy. I'm happy with where we are now. I think I can confidently say we're just friends again." Mina sat back in her seat, arms crossed but nodded slowly.

"Okay," she relented quietly.

Rowan smiled affectionately at Mina. Even if the men in their lives had come up short time and time again, she knew Mina would never fail her - her constant in all things. Mina sighed and then smiled back.

"Say goodnight to Abe and then head out?" she asked. Rowan nodded and stood from the table. She and Mina waved to the wiry older man, Rowan smiled teasingly at the nervous Timothy, and then the two headed out into the cold Hogsmeade night, hair whipping in the late winter wind. Rowan looped her arm into Mina's as they walked back to the apothecary, very pleased with her lot in life.

* * *

II.

It was wet and cold, nearing the end of the first week of March. Despite the official beginning of spring being only a couple of weeks away, it still felt very much like winter. Rowan shivered as she made her way down the dark street. The cold rain pattered softly around her, dark and gray and yellow. She checked the paper bag in her arm again to make sure it was covered, gripping her umbrella tighter. She grimaced slightly as her stomach rumbled hungrily. She wished she hadn't waited so long to go to the market. It'd be at least another thirty minutes before she could eat. As she approached the yellow light of her shop, she reached into her coat pocket for her keys. Fumbling clumsily through their depths, she cursed quietly under her breath. Perhaps she'd magically extended the pockets too much.

Finally, her fingers hit cold jingling metal and pulled it out. But just as she pushed the key into the door, there was a quick shift in the shadows behind her. Her breath caught as she spun instinctively. The umbrella in her hand flew from her fingers with the wind as they whipped the wand out from her back pocket.

But as she jabbed her wand out, she was met not by a person but by a dog. He panted happily, peering up at her with large yellow eyes. She sighed heavily with relief, wand hand dropping to her side. She noted that she was now getting quite wet from the steady downpour. The dog trotted away a few yards to where her umbrella had blown and grabbed it gingerly before trotting back. Rowan's eyes narrowed at him.

"You scared the shit out of me!" Rowan hissed. His tail wagged. Her head whipped around - no one else was on the street, thankfully. "What are you- Hurry, get in before anyone sees you!" she said, shoving the door open and gesturing to him quickly. He slid in quietly, dropping the umbrella by the counter then stalking for the back room. Rowan sighed and moved in after him, shutting the door quickly behind her and locking it firmly with a _click_. Reaching up to wipe some of the water from her face, she glanced back outside again - no one was there. She turned back. As she walked quietly to join him, she saw a shift in shadow - the dog had transformed back into a man. Sirius Black stood by her lab bench, peering around wondrously. There was a series of smoking cauldrons brewing slowly in a line. A few jars of strange powders and dried beetles laid around them. A few dried flowers were cut up partially on a board.

She took a moment to take him in. She frowned. His hair was long and matted, clothes caked with a thick layer of mud. She noted that he still wore the same tattered gray robes he'd worn last April. Though his face was slightly fuller than the year before, he was still gaunt, eyes much too large in his thin face. But it was bright, happy. His eyes scanned over her work electrically, soaking in the colors and smells of her laboratory.

"Winnie, this is incredible," he said excitedly. He turned and grinned boyishly at her. His face suddenly looked ten years younger. Rowan paused for a moment, chest tightening. That face - how long had it been since she'd last seen it? She recalled images of that grin, that ready laugh she'd known so many years before. They'd been such a constant in her adolescence, ingrained into her very person. But they'd been gone for so long, like a far-off, forgotten dream. Her lips trembled - it was too much. Too many memories, too many years lost - they hit her suddenly, crashing deafeningly into her throat. His eyes widened with horror as her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Merlin, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked quickly, rushing forward. Rowan's stomach heaved as his face pushed clearly into her vision, hands gripping her shoulders. He was so _old_. Was this really Sirius? The tears began to fall. She reached up to wipe them away frantically.

"No, I'm not okay!" she exclaimed angrily. He recoiled at her sudden volume. "Fourteen years, Sirius! I haven't seen you in fourteen god damn years, and you just show up here like everything is normal! What the fuck is wrong with you?" she shouted. She kept wiping, but the tears continued to fall. Her shoulders shook with effort, head bowing with embarrassment. Her eyes fell on his tattered, fraying robes, only making her sob harder. He was so filthy and thin! Why did he look like this? Her hands shot forward, gripping his dirty shirt. He grunted with surprise as she buried her face into his bony chest. Her lungs heaved as his jutting sternum hit her cheek hard.

"How are you here? Y-you've been... you've been gone for so long," she cried.

It'd been so long since she'd seen him, spoken to him. Her life had gone on and on, diverging from his so distinctly. He was a ghost from a past life, a faint memory, but somehow, he was here again in the light of her shop and all the memories of their happier days came rushing back. They hit her hard in the stomach, sucking the air from her lungs. So many memories full of laughter, of James and Sirius and Lily. Where had those happy days gone? She wept openly, cries coming out in sobs and heaves as all the voices and faces pushed through the mental barriers she'd erected over the years. She could hardly stand as they weighed down on her. Sirius sank to the floor with her as her knees began to buckle, holding her to his chest. Her arms groped forward, wrapping around his shoulders desperately, terrified he would disappear again. He held her tightly, rocking her as her sobs began to subside.

The delicate quiet of the afterstorm shook her still, but she allowed the initial onslaught to slip away. Her hands trembled, but her heart began to steady, beating slowly, deeply. Finally, she pulled her face from his chest and sniffled pathetically. She felt the boniness of his ribs beneath her hands and breathed steadily to calm her lungs. She lifted a hand and wiped a mixture of snot and tears away shamelessly before looking back up at him. He was frowning awkwardly down at her, hands still on her shoulders stiffly. She looked down at her hands and realized they were smeared with tears, nose drippings, and dirt and that her face also probably looked similar. She looked back up at him. As her sinuses cleared, she caught a strange whiff of something unpleasant and realized it was coming from his robes.

"You're disgusting," she said. He recoiled slightly.

"What?" he retorted, eyebrows furrowing. "What did I-" Rowan shook her head.

"No, I mean you're filthy. When was the last time you had a bath?" she asked. Sirius looked away shiftily.

"Erm, like in a tub?" he said awkwardly. Rowan grimaced, realizing the answer. She shifted clumsily out of his bony lap, slipping painfully to the floor. Heaving herself to her feet, she took another deep breath to settle her lungs. He looked up at her with a confused frown.

"Come on then. Let's get you cleaned up and fed, you mongrel," she said, offering him a hand. He stared at her hand for a moment and then looked back up at her face. She smiled softly. An array of emotions flickered across his face quickly before settling on a resigned smile. He laughed softly to himself, shaking his head disbelievingly. He took her offered hand and pulled himself up. His weight was substantial, comforting.

"God damn it, woman. You're still as nutters as ever."

* * *

"This is... weird."

Rowan turned from the stove to see Sirius emerge from the toilet wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. His arms and legs were stretched out awkwardly as he looked down at himself skeptically. His long wet hair stuck to his skin, which was actually visible now that the dirt had been washed away. She grinned.

"What, because you're clean?" she teased. He glared.

"I'll have you know I bathed regularly while in Sardinia," he said petulantly. Rowan laughed.

"Rivers and the sea don't count," she countered.

Now that he was free of the layers of brown and gray, she could see the familiar sharp jaw, remnants of the handsome face she'd once known. His hair was obviously still very tangled - they'd probably just have to cut it all off - but she could at least see its natural dark color instead of the strange dull brown-gray it'd been with the layers of dirt. Though thin, the muscles in his arms and legs were reminiscent of what they once were. He at least looked capable of holding his own in a fight should he be attacked while on the run.

"Are these yours?" Sirius asked, gesturing awkwardly again to the clothes he now wore. Rowan shook her head.

"No, Remus' - from when we were dating," she shrugged. She hadn't thought of them that way in a long time, strangely enough. He nodded, looking over them.

"Damn, I really am scrawny now, aren't I?" he said morosely, noting the bagginess of the clothes. "How can I be skinnier than Moony? This is demoralizing," he said. Rowan grinned.

"We just have to fatten you up a bit," she said, turning back to the pot on the stove. "Dinner should be ready soon." Sirius eyed her suspiciously.

"_You're_ cooking?" he asked. "I may be homeless, but even I require food that's actually edible." Rowan glared.

"Shut up. Strays don't get to criticize," she retorted, stirring the sauce petulantly. "Just sit down and don't break anything. There's tea on the table." Sirius nodded and plopped down at the table. As he sipped on the hot tea waiting there for him, he peered around her small flat curiously.

It was decorated simply with little ornament. Lily had always teased Rowan for having a "boy's room," when they were younger, and not much had changed as she'd aged. There was a series of photos that lined the walls - of friends and the Order from the years - but as for the usual touches one would expect from a woman in her mid-thirties, there were few: no decorative cushions or paintings, stark furniture and neutral colors. Sirius noted that if Rowan weren't standing in front of him, he might not have even identified it as her space. The only evidence that she specifically lived there were the photos and the violin sitting quietly on a small table in the corner.

"Do you not spend much time here?" he asked. Rowan nodded vaguely from the counter, now ladling stew into a couple of bowls, extra for him.

"Is it that obvious?" Sirius nodded, looking around the room.

"It doesn't have a very lived-in look," he noted. Rowan hummed in agreement.

"I work a lot and spend a lot of time at the house with my mum and the kids, so I'm really only ever here to sleep," she explained. She smiled softly. "Mina's been pestering me to let her give my flat a makeover of sorts, but it just doesn't seem worth it since I barely spend any time here as it is. Her space is beautiful though, of course." She glanced over at him quickly, frowning slightly after realizing her slip-up - she wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about Mina already when they hadn't even begun eating yet. But he smiled fondly at the sound of his former almost-fiance. She let out a quiet relieved breath and moved to the table with their dinner, setting the larger bowl in front of him. He sniffed it suspiciously. She glared.

"Just because I'm not a good cook doesn't mean it'll kill you," she said. Sirius still eyed it warily and stirred it slowly with his spoon. Finally, he lifted a spoonful to his mouth. His eyes widened with surprise.

"Holy shit, this is actually pretty decent," he said. Rowan rolled her eyes and spooned a large portion into her own mouth huffily. He grinned and took another bite, humming pleasurably. "This is good, Row. You've definitely gotten better," he said clumsily with his mouth full. He coughed a bit after eating too quickly, spitting a few pieces of carrot up onto the table. Rowan glared slightly.

"I know you've been in prison for a long time, but come on, man," she scolded, throwing a napkin at him. He chuckled and wiped his mouth; however, he continued to eat with much gusto, almost like a dog, and Rowan couldn't find it in herself to scold him again.

He was here, sharing her food and her home, as if nothing had changed between them. She noted the differences in both their appearances but after a moment of quiet analysis, she realized everything between them still felt very much the same, at least in that moment, despite all the time that had passed and the changes that had come with it. He ate happily, clumsily, and her chest felt very warm. He looked up questioningly for a moment. She shook her head, smiling cheerily.

"I'm just glad you're here," she said, answering his unspoken question. He smiled sheepishly, which just made her own smile deepen. How could she have ever suspected Sirius of betraying them? It seemed that he would always be their loyal, courageous friend Padfoot.

* * *

"So you came back for Harry then?"

The two of them were quietly drinking tea, bellies full and warm. It was getting late, nearing midnight. The rain outside continued to fall quietly, and Rowan had lit the fireplace. Spring was technically not far off, but it still remained very cold. She imagined there would be a bit of ice in the morning. Sirius nodded.

"There are too many signs to ignore. Bertha Jorkins, the Dark Mark, Harry's submission into the tournament - I just felt like I had to come back," he said darkly. Rowan nodded.

"So you think Bertha's absence is really something to be worried about?" she asked. Sirius grimaced.

"Yeah, lost or not, she should've turned up by now, don't you think? And she was traveling around Albania. My money is that she got lured into something and couldn't get out. I'd be surprised if she were found alive at this point," he said. Rowan nodded.

"Moody said the same thing. I can't believe they're not looking harder for her. I suppose Bagman's always been a bit of an idiot though," she noted. She looked up at him quickly. "You don't think the old accusations against him were accurate, do you?" Sirius shrugged.

"Who can say? I wouldn't bet on it - I think he was a just stupid kid hanging out with the wrong crowd - but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on him," he said. Rowan nodded. "Have there been any other suspicious going-ons as of late around the castle?" Rowan frowned and thought hard before grimacing. Sirius eyed her warily.

"Karkaroff is there," she said. Sirius scowled.

"So I've heard. Has he been behaving?"

"Until recently, yes, but Harry actually wrote to me yesterday about something that happened... something between him and Snape," she said darkly. Sirius' eyes narrowed.

"What?" Rowan's lips twisted for a moment. She hadn't said it out loud since reading Harry's letter. The words still carved out her throat hollowly. She licked her lips nervously.

"He-" she started. "He showed Snape his Dark Mark," she said quietly. Sirius' eyes widened.

"What? And Harry saw?" he hissed. Rowan shook her head.

"Harry didn't see it specifically, just that Karkaroff was showing Snape something on his arm and that Karkaroff said something like, 'It's getting clearer.' Harry didn't know what it meant, thankfully, but-" she paused, her chest tightening. Her right shoulder tingled as faint memories of all those years past came creeping back. Her knuckles ached.

It was getting clearer.

Sirius leaned heavily into his elbows, face slackening as the understanding soaked into him. It looked as if the life was sucked straight from his frame, like the shell of a cicada left behind. Rowan felt the energy begin to leak from her own bones. She felt so tired suddenly. The pattering of the rain outside echoed through her mind emptily.

"So it's starting," he said quietly. The gravel in his voice scratched over Rowan's arms. His eyes remained downward, mouth almost slack. Rowan couldn't look at him. Her mouth twisted.

"Can we really do this again?" she asked hoarsely. She flinched at the harshness of her own voice. The man's lips trembled, eyes narrowed and fixed on a distant point. "I don't know... I don't know if I-" Her stomach felt as if it were pulling down her lungs, stretching them painfully. A green haze crept from the recesses of her mind, slowly, slowly. She clenched her fists tightly. How could she make it through another war?

"Have you told Dumbledore?" Rowan shook her head.

"Not yet. I've been meaning to go see him at the castle, but..." she trailed, voice quivering slightly. "It's just... this is the first time I've even said it out loud. I don't know how to process it, let alone share it with him," she admitted shakily. "Besides... besides, I can't imagine Dumbledore doesn't already know. I'm sure Snape has already told him by now." Sirius glared but didn't say anything. Rowan met his gaze tiredly. She took in his familiar features, his long hair. It was at about his shoulders, curling slightly at the ends. She smiled softly.

"You and Mina have matching hair," she said. His face screwed up with surprise.

"What?" he retorted. His hand shot up to his hair, stretching it out in front of his face. He grimaced, realizing that Rowan was right.

"She told me she saw you a couple of weeks ago," she said softly. She thought back to her weekly dinner date with her best friend and the Auror's quiet words and looks of doubt. Sirius nodded hesitantly.

"Yeah, in London," he responded. Rowan nodded thoughtfully.

"You haven't contacted her since though," she noted. Sirius faltered, eyes averting downward. His mouth twisted with thought.

"I can't," he said finally.

"What do you mean, 'You can't'?" she retorted. Sirius grimaced.

"How can I? I mean... look at me," he said quietly. He shrugged his arms weakly. The boniness of his shoulders seemed much more prominent somehow with the modest gesture. He looked frail almost, small. Rowan frowned.

"Yeah, you're uglier now. So what?" Sirius' eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean, 'So what?'" he asked accusingly. Rowan shrugged.

"You're not as handsome as you used to be. Actually, you were downright frightening when I first saw you in April, but none of us have exactly spent the past fourteen years obsessing over our looks either. I mean, have you seen Remus? Sometimes I worry he might get swept away by a strong breeze," she said. "You're intimidated because Mina is still beautiful, okay, but even if you don't want to be with her again, you at least owe it to her to keep her in the know, don't you think?" she reasoned pointedly. Sirius' face pulled downward with every word. He stared quietly into his tea. Rowan sighed. Perhaps she'd been too blunt.

"I'm just saying - she at least deserves to know where you are and what your plans are, if not as the woman you once wanted to marry then at least as an ally. She is going to all this trouble to keep the Ministry off your tracks, after all," she said. Sirius' mouth remained tight. Rowan looked into her own tea thoughtfully. There were a few bits of leaves floating at the bottom darkly.

"I don't understand how she doesn't hate me."

Rowan looked up to see the most pained expression on Sirius' face, as if the very thought physically hurt him. His hands gripped the mug in his hands tightly, and she noted the jagged edges of his fingernails, the scratches along his knuckles from the countless miles he'd walked. Her chest tightened slightly.

"She did, to be honest... for a long time," Rowan admitted quietly. Sirius' grimace tightened. "For several years, she could barely even say your name, but you can only maintain such feelings for so long. And neither of us really believed the accusations... not deep down. It's illogical really considering all the evidence saying otherwise, but somewhere, we always knew it wasn't you."

"She's so cold to me now though," Sirius said morosely.

"I'm sure she's still confused. We did spend over a decade thinking the worst of you," Rowan said. "We know differently now, but those feelings don't just turn off. I'm sure she's still trying to figure out how to make sense of everything, You should know better than anyone that she doesn't do well with expressing herself. This is another reason you need to talk to her." Sirius took in her words silently, slowly. Rowan let him mull over it for a few moments before sighing. She stood with her mug and moved toward the sink. The sound of running water seemed to wash the dark thoughts away momentarily. She forced the dark thoughts of the impending danger of war away. Right now, it was just her and Sirius - her old friend, her lost friend. She turned back to see him peering up at her quietly.

"Stay here the night," she said. Sirius shook his head.

"No, I can't risk anyone linking you to me. It's bad enough that I came here at all," he insisted. Rowan scowled.

"Shut up, Sirius. It's pouring out and your robes still aren't dry. You're staying the night!" she commanded.

"But-"

"No buts. No one is going to find you here, so quit bitching and accept the hospitality." He glared.

"Fine," he bit out, "but just for the night. First thing in the morning, I'm heading back up into the mountains. Buckbeak is there." Rowan frowned.

"Who?" she asked.

"The hippogriff," he said. Rowan thought back to the prior June and remembered the hippogriff Harry and Hermione had been so determined to save.

"Oh..." she said dumbly. "I completely forgot about him. I thought you would've let him go by now," she said. Sirius shrugged.

"He's good company," he said. Rowan smiled crookedly.

"Still weird as ever," she said. He smiled. "But you're planning on staying up there for a while?" she urged. He nodded.

"Yeah, until this tournament is over, I won't be able to rest easy. I want to be close by in case Harry needs us," he said. Rowan sighed.

"Well, I'd prefer it if you stayed here, but I guess I can't force you," she said. "But you should still come by regularly. I can at least feed you and offer you a place to bathe. And it won't look too suspicious - it'll just look like I'm taking care of a stray," she reasoned. Sirius thought about it for a moment.

"I suppose that'd be all right, but not everyday. Maybe once or twice a week - even strays have their pride," he said. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"Whatever you say," she said. She tossed a pillow from her bed, earning a grunt as it smacked him in the face. She then waved her wand over his head and a series of blankets materialized, flopping onto his head. "Want the bed? I reckon it's been a long time since you've slept in a decent one," she offered hopefully. But of course Sirius shook his head, tossing the blankets onto the nearby couch.

"And let the lady take the couch? What sort of barbarian do you think I am?" he said haughtily. Rowan laughed and threw her arms around him happily, suddenly overtaken with a rush of joy. He jerked with surprise at the sudden embrace but then relaxed and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She breathed in his familiar scent, now clean and reminiscent of happier days. He was still too thin, too rough, but he was here. She smiled and pulled away, looking up at him happily.

"I don't know how I got on without you all these years," she said earnestly. His eyes crinkled, mouth tightening with emotion. "I'm just so happy you're back." He nodded and smiled softly, hugging her tightly once again.

"Me too, Winnie."

* * *

III.

Harry sat on a large rock and scanned over the handful of newspapers his godfather Sirius had tossed his way. It was a collection of pages with specific articles circled, ranging from a series of Muggle disappearances to the story about Barty Crouch. Phrases jumped out at him: _hasn't been seen in public since November... house appears deserted... St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries decline comment... Ministry refuses to confirm rumors of critical illness..._

It was Saturday, the day of the monthly Hogsmeade trip, though Harry, Ron, and Hermione were not actually in Hogsmeade, but in a mountain cave high up above town. Sirius sat across from them, hastily eating the chicken they'd brought for him. Harry noted that he was surprisingly clean and was sporting a new set of simple robes and short haircut, very close to the scalp. He looked like a completely different man. Harry nodded to his godfather's clothes.

"Where'd you get those?" he asked. Sirius paused in his eating and grinned sheepishly.

"Like 'em? Winnie got them for me," he said. "She also buzzed nearly all my hair off - said I was going to get fleas. It's definitely lighter, but my head is damn cold now." Harry's eyes widened.

"You've seen her already?" he asked. Sirius smiled crookedly at him.

"Of course I've seen her. We've got to be on the same page if we're going to be of any use to you, don't you think?" he said. "She says hi, by the way, and that you should expect a return letter from her tomorrow." Harry smiled and nodded, a warmth spreading through his chest.

"Why aren't you staying with her then? Why up here?" Hermione asked.

"Well, him for starters," Sirius said, gesturing to Buckbeak. The hippogriff stared with an almost bored expression at the man. "And then I can't just be coming and going from Rowan's place as I please. No one but you lot and Dumbledore know about me being an Animagus, but I don't want to risk getting her in trouble. She is making me come by every few days or so though to bathe, which I'll admit has been pretty nice. I'd forgotten how good it feels to be clean all the time," he said with a grin. Hermione smiled awkwardly at this.

Harry gestured to the paper clippings Sirius had handed to him, finally done skimming through the article about Barty Crouch. "Did she collect these or you?" he asked.

"She leaves the paper out for me in the morning and then we talk over the articles that stick out when I stop by. Obviously, I have more spare time than she does, so I pull out the ones that are most discussion-worthy," he explained. He nodded to the article about Crouch. "That one is especially worrisome." Harry frowned.

"Why?" he asked. Ron nodded.

"Yeah, my brother's Crouch's personal assistant," Ron informed Sirius. "He says Crouch is just suffering from overwork." Sirius shook his head.

"No, it doesn't sit right with me. Rowan agrees. All these absences of Barty Crouch's... he goes to the trouble of making sure his house-elf saves him a seat at the Quidditch World Cup but doesn't bother to turn up and watch. He works very hard to reinstate the Triwizard Tournament, and then stops coming to that too - it's not like Crouch. If he's ever taken a day off work because of illness before this, I'll eat Buckbeak."

"Do you know Crouch?" Hermione asked.

Sirius's face darkened. He suddenly looked as menacing as he had the night when Harry first met him, the night when Harry still believed Sirius to be a murderer.

"Oh, I know Crouch all right," he said quietly. "He was the one who gave the order for me to be sent to Azkaban - without a trial."

"What?" said Ron and Hermione together.

"You're kidding!" said Harry.

"No, I'm not," said Sirius, taking another great bite of chicken. "Crouch used to be Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, didn't you know?"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione nodded their heads. "Rowan told us. She said he was tipped for the next Minister of Magic," Harry said. Sirius nodded.

"He's a great wizard, Barty Crouch - powerfully magical and power-hungry. Oh, never a Voldemort supporter," he said, reading the look on Harry's face. "No, Barty Crouch was always very outspoken against the Dark Side. But then a lot of people who were against the Dark Side... Well, you wouldn't understand. You're too young."

"That's what my dad said at the World Cup," said Ron, with a trace of irritation in his voice. "Try us, why don't you?"

A grin flashed across Sirius's thin face.

"All right, I'll try you." He walked once up the cave, back again, and then said, "Imagine that Voldemort's powerful now. You don't know who his supporters are. You don't know who's working for him and who isn't. You know he can control people so that they do terrible things without being able to stop themselves. You're scared for yourself and your family and your friends. Every week, news comes of more deaths, more disappearances, more torturing. The Ministry of Magic's in disarray. They don't know what to do. They're trying to keep everything hidden from the Muggles, but meanwhile, Muggles are dying too. Terror everywhere - panic, confusion. That's how it used to be."

Harry's stomach felt tight as he tried to place images to Sirius' words. He remembered the strained expression on Rowan's features as she'd given him hints of the war and suddenly had a slightly better understanding of why she'd been so reluctant to discuss it with him. He knew he didn't have any idea of what it was like, not really, but he could get a glimpse of the constant anxiety, the fear she must have felt during those years. He thought of that distant, hollow look he'd seen in her eyes and suddenly missed her terribly.

"There were certainly men who fought openly - men like Rowan's father and your grandfather, Harry," Sirius said. Harry nodded.

"Rowan told me about him. They were both murdered by Death Eaters, right?" he asked. Hermione and Ron looked questioningly at him. He hadn't mentioned either story to them. Sirius nodded.

"Yes. It's not a fate most are willing to accept, which is why so few risked taking a public stance, but both John Potter and Richard Delacroix were seen as symbols of the resistance against Voldemort, Richard especially. Barty Crouch was another, though in a very different way.

"Crouch's principles might've been good in the beginning. I wouldn't know. He rose quickly through the Ministry, but unlike John and Richard, who were both idealistic men, he started ordering very harsh measures against Voldemort's supporters. We at the Auror department were granted new powers - powers to kill rather than capture, for instance. I would say he became as ruthless and cruel as many on the Dark Side. A lot of us fought against his policies - Mina especially really hated him - but he certainly had many more supporters than critics. When Voldemort disappeared, it looked like only a matter of time until Crouch got the top job. But then something rather unfortunate happened..." Sirius smiled grimly. "Did Rowan tell you this part too, Harry?" Harry frowned and shook his head. Sirius sighed.

"Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time before you found out," he said thoughtfully. "Crouch's own son was caught with a group of Death Eaters who'd managed to talk their way out of Azkaban. He was convicted for criminal use of the Cruciatus Curse and sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban."

"Crouch's son was caught?" gasped Hermione.

"Yep," said Sirius, throwing his chicken bone to Buckbeak, flinging himself back down on the ground beside the loaf of bread, and tearing it in half. "Nasty little shock for old Barty, I'd imagine. Should have spent a bit more time at home with his family, shouldn't he? Ought to have left the office early once in a while... gotten to know his own son." He began to wolf down large pieces of bread. Harry frowned.

"But why wouldn't Rowan want to tell me that?" he asked. Sirius grimaced.

"Ah, that's a tough question to answer," he said, scratching his chin. He smiled wryly. "I reckon she'll get mad at me later for this, but you deserve to know." He looked at Harry stiffly. "She was friends with him."

"Rowan was friends with a Death Eater?" breathed Ron. His face looked pale.

"But she couldn't have known! She never would've been friends with him if she had!" Hermione argued. Sirius shrugged.

"You're right about that, but it just goes to show how hard it was to trust people back then. None of us would've suspected Crouch's son, so you can imagine how upset Rowan was when we realized what he was. I think it's safe to say he was using her for a way into the Order."

A tense silence fell upon them for a moment. Harry thought of Rowan and all that she'd lost during the war - much more than he'd ever suspected. Her father, her master, and a man she'd thought was her friend - what else had she lost and not told him about? He suddenly felt as if all the progress he'd made with her over the past months was cut in half.

"What happened to him?" Hermione whispered. "Did he go to Azkaban as well?" Sirius nodded, a wry smile on his face.

"Sure did. He at least got a trial, though it wasn't really much more than an excuse for Crouch to show how much he hated the boy. Sent him straight to prison after that."

"He gave his own son to the dementors?" asked Harry quietly.

"That's right," said Sirius, and he didn't look remotely amused now. "I saw the dementors bringing him in, watched them through the bars in my cell door. He was only nineteen, maybe twenty I think. They took him into a cell near mine. He was screaming for his mother by nightfall. He went quiet after a few days, though... They all went quiet in the end."

For a moment, the deadened look in Sirius's eyes became more pronounced than ever, as though shutters had closed behind them.

"So he's still in Azkaban?" Harry said.

"No," said Sirius dully. "No, he's not in there anymore. He died about a year or two after they brought him in."

"He died?"

"He wasn't the only one," said Sirius bitterly. "Most go mad in there, and plenty stop eating in the end. They lose the will to live. You could always tell when a death was coming because the dementors could sense it - they got excited. The dementors buried him outside the fortress; I watched them do it."

Sirius threw aside the bread he had just lifted to his mouth and instead picked up the flask of pumpkin juice and drained it.

There was a long silence. Harry thought of the way Crouch's eyes had bulged as he'd looked down at his disobedient house-elf back in the wood at the Quidditch World Cup. This, then, must have been why Crouch had overreacted to Winky being found beneath the Dark Mark. It had brought back memories of his son and the old scandal and his fall from grace at the Ministry.

"Moody says Crouch is obsessed with catching Dark wizards," Harry told Sirius.

"Yeah, I've heard it's become a bit of a mania with him," said Sirius, nodding. "If you ask me, he still thinks he can bring back the old popularity by catching one more Death Eater."

"Moody's kind of like that too though," remarked Ron. Sirius shook his head.

"No, Moody has that drive, but he always had a strong set of morals to go with it. It came with being in the Order - always take your enemies alive. We never killed if given the choice. Crouch - he never cared about that. As long as crime rates went down, the means didn't matter. Moody is a bit of a nutter in some regards, but he always held himself to a moral standard."

"Did you ever kill anyone?" Harry asked. Hermione shot him a wide-eyed, panicked look. Harry wasn't sure why he needed to know so badly, but the question had just sprung from his mouth without thinking. Sirius' lips pulled into a smile, though it was anything but. Harry noted that shut-off look in his eyes again and recalled a similar one in Rowan's. He wondered if all of the old Order members shared that expression.

"We all made choices we didn't want to," he said vaguely. Harry nodded, feeling the distinct wall that had been erected between them. Sirius heaved an enormous sigh and rubbed his shadowed eyes.

"What's the time?"

Harry checked his watch, then remembered it hadn't been working since it had spent over an hour in the lake.

"It's half past four," said Hermione.

"You'd better get back to school," Sirius said, getting to his feet. Harry sighed - so much for stopping by at the apothecary this afternoon. He'd either have to sneak out the next weekend or wait a month to see Rowan.

"Now listen." Sirius looked particularly hard at Harry. "I don't want you lot sneaking out of school to see me, all right? Just send notes to Rowan, and she'll let me know. I still want to hear about anything odd, but you're not to go leaving Hogwarts without permission - it would be an ideal opportunity for someone to attack you."

"No one's tried to attack me so far, except a dragon and a couple of grindylows," Harry said, but Sirius scowled at him.

"I don't care. I'll breathe freely again when this tournament's over, and that's not until June. And don't forget: if you're talking about me among yourselves, call me Snuffles, okay?"

He handed Harry the empty napkin and flask and went to pat Buckbeak good-bye. "I'll walk to the edge of the village with you," said Sirius. "I told Rowan I'd stop by later anyway."

He transformed into the great black dog before they left the cave, and they walked back down the mountainside with him, across the boulder-strewn ground, and back to the stile. There, he allowed each of them to pat him on the head. He then nodded to them, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way back into Hogsmeade and up toward Hogwarts. Harry glanced back once more as they walked up the mountain. He noted the hard look in the large dog's eyes and wondered what he and Rowan would discuss later in the evening. He wondered how much they discussed and didn't share with him. It left him feeling a bit lonely.

* * *

Sirius watched the teenagers start off for the castle. His tail stopped wagging, eyes narrowing as he watched them make their way for the enchantments. When he saw that they were well beyond the edges of the castle's protective spells, he let his lungs expand again, breathing deeply. He turned and made his way back up the street and around the corner. A pink sheen reflected off of the shop windows with the evening light. It would be dark soon, but he would wait a couple of hours before going to see Rowan, just to be safe.


	25. A Web of Threads

**A/N:** Another long one. Werewolves!

**Magdylena Black:** Thank you! I hope those differences are good! Here's that next chapter!

**missalex3030:** Thank you so much! I'm happy people are glad to see Sirius again.

**Eirithdiel:** Hahaha I was thinking the same thing when I wrote the last chapter, like, "Ah, I should give him a bath. He really needs a bath." They probably didn't have great dental care in Azkaban. And funny you should bring up Voldy - I've just started concocting a pretty important part of the story involving him and Rowan. It's not for a while though, so I guess it was just mean of me to mention it really eheh.

**Nikos Pyrr:** Hahaha Rowan x Sirius... Hm, I never even considered that. I'm imagining the both of them in my head ewwing at each other. I'm glad you enjoyed their reunion though! Thank you so much for the review!

**SMGF1: **Thanks so much as always!

**eighteenethavenue:** Sorry for the wait! Thanks for the review!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**January 2, 1984**

_Dear Remus,_

_I went and saw James and Lily today. It hadn't occurred to me until just the other day that it's been over two years now since they died - two years, two months and two days to be exact. The amount of time really hit me as I stood in front of their graves again. There was ivy growing over them already, and the tree next to them was much taller than I'd remembered. It still seems ludicrous that time is moving on without them at all. It doesn't seem right to think that I'm older than James now when all my life he's always emphasized that he is the eldest._

___I went to go see their old house too. It's a ruin now - just a few walls with nothing inside - though I'm sure you already knew that. I can't decide if I'm glad or not. The little plaque outside seems so __pathetic considering how important that place was. It wasn't just where James and Lily died. It's where John and Carole Potter lived, where generations of Potters lived. It's where James and I grew up. It's Harry's home. It means so much more than the end of a war. Does anybody realize that when they stand there? This was a family's home._

_I went inside and took a few bricks. I broke all sorts of laws I'm sure. I__t's probably a felony of some sort - "Trespassing on and Destruction of a Government Monument" or whatever - but I've earned it, haven't I? I know I have much more of James and Lily than most, but I can't let go. The stairs are still there, but they're rotten to the point where I was afraid to step on them. One of the ceiling joists fell after I leaned against a wall and nearly crushed me beneath it. It was terribly painful imagining that the house I once knew so well was telling me to leave, that I didn't belong there anymore. Through all the rubble, I could barely identify where the kitchen table was, where the swing was outside in the yard. I'd never been alone in the house before - James was always with me. I kept listening stupidly, as if believing I might catch a hint of his voice again. Obviously I didn't._

_It's remarkable how angry I still am. It hit me again as I stood at James and Lily's grave, thinking of how the last time I'd been there you were supposed to have been with me. It comes and goes in waves, but there are still times, especially now that I'm back home, that I'm randomly overtaken with the hottest of hatred to the point where my entire body trembles and I have to lock myself in the apothecary basement to just scream until I can't anymore. I'm beginning to understand why Master Belby was so prone to outbursts after Marie died. __The first time this happened, I was left spent on the cold floor, laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling, unable to move or speak. I thought of Isaac and how he would tremble naked and exhausted on the floor of Amrit's laboratory after the full moon nights two years ago. It was humbling, picturing myself bare and vulnerable within that cage, staring up at the faces of my colleagues. It made me see him in an entirely new light._

_I miss them so much, Remus. I miss you and Sirius and Peter and Fabian and Gideon and even Barty. Even through it all, at the end of the day, all I really want is to go back to how things were. ____When did it all start falling apart? _If we'd chosen to not fight in the war, would things have turned out differently for us? Would we still be happy? Would James and Lily still be here? Would I feel so alone?

_- Rowan_

* * *

**Chapter 24: A Web of Threads**

I.

It was finally beginning to warm in the village of Hogsmeade, much to the delight of the resident potions master Rowan Delacroix. April was almost upon them, and with it the whispers of a warm breeze. Though there was still a distinct chill in the air, painted over the Scottish hills was the distinct color of spring. Rowan felt the change distinctly in her blood, a warm spark in her limbs as the days crept towards summer. She knew she'd be complaining about the heat in just a couple of months, but for now, she was very pleased with the slow shift in weather.

For almost a month now, a couple nights every week as she'd locked up shop, she'd be greeted in the evening by a large black dog and woken in the morning to a continuously healthier and snoring Sirius Black. Though he'd maintained his determination to only "burden" her as little as possible, she'd somehow managed to keep him relatively clean and his belly full. The steady nutrition was showing, much to her delight, with the heavy lines in his face lightening and muscles steadily fleshing out once more. He was still far from the youthful lady killer he'd once been in his twenties, but he was surely back on his way to the lively Sirius she'd once known. She would even go so far as to say he'd be even more appealing as he aged if this kept up - more rugged than beautiful, as he'd once been. She amused herself with the thought that she might even be attracted him eventually. But then she'd look over at him as he stumbled out of her bathroom half-asleep in the early morning, snorting and scratching indecent spots. _No, never_, she'd think again.

But still, she'd thoroughly enjoyed his company, gradually getting know the man he'd become over the years, and he was clearly thrilled to have a chance to spend time with her after so much time apart. He almost seemed starved for social interaction, keeping Rowan up late into the night discussing things he'd missed and various figures from their past he hadn't heard about since being taken away. He almost seemed like a child, eager to know about everything and everyone. She had to admit it was quite tiring, but it was also endearing seeing him so hungry to take on the world once more. She wanted to believe he'd be able to take advantage of what this new world had to offer him soon, despite Peter's continued missing status.

The fourth Marauder had slowly been creeping into her mind more and more as Sirius' presence became a regular fixture in her life. Despite believing him to be a hero for so many years, Rowan had frequently been hit with waves of guilt at realizing how little she thought of Peter. He deserved to be mourned like James and Lily, but no matter how brave he'd been - or rather, seemed - nothing in her had ever ached to see him again. While James, Lily, and Sirius had all clenched a visceral part of her - kindred spirits, she thought - Peter had never strummed any particularly harmonious chords in her heart. She wanted to miss him, really, but how could one miss a dead man she barely knew?

But now that the truth had begun to really sink into her and all the implications that came with it, Rowan was shocked to find that where there was little affection, there was also little hatred. True, he'd killed James and Lily - she should despise him, want to feel her knuckles crack through his very bones - but she couldn't find it. Perhaps it was because he'd never held much weight in her mind at all. Perhaps because he'd never been much of a real person to her that he was an almost insubstantial focus for her disgust. Theoretically, he was everything she hated - the worst of self-preserving cowards - but in reality, there wasn't much emotion to be found. Maybe she'd spent all of it already. Maybe there was only so much hatred one person could expend in a single lifetime. All she could do was hope that they found him soon.

It was late morning with the spring sun crawling higher into the sky, spilling into her windows and glinting off of the polished wooden shelves of the apothecary. Rowan yawned tiredly as she carefully pulled the concentrated sticky green revitalizing potion from its cauldron with a carefully turning wand. It snaked its way into one vial and then the next. This batch smelled distinctly of apples - her most recent attempt at sweetening the concoction. She hoped Stewart enjoyed this one better as the honey had not reacted well with the last month's batch, instead making it cringingly sour. She yawned again and grumbled a bit to herself as she thought of Sirius, who had left at dawn that morning after keeping her up late into the night with talk of the new Muggle motorbike models he'd seen while in London. Rowan, of course, had no knowledge regarding the subject and could only nod her head along to Sirius' excited ramblings, lost amid the flurry of Muggle terms she'd never heard. She wished Lily were there to take her place - she'd always been able to keep up with this topic with Sirius. Rowan thought to herself morosely that she should really put in more of an effort to understand Muggle culture.

_Ring._

_"Hello?"_

Rowan wide yawning mouth stretched into a fond smile. She knew that voice.

"One second!" she called from the back. With one final ladle, she dripped the gooey green potion into the last vial and corked it cleanly, wiping any remnant from the lip crisply. She then reached up and pulled the goggles from her face, quickly combing the stray hairs of her bun back with her fingers. She then scowled slightly at herself - what did it matter what she looked like? It certainly didn't matter to him, right? She grabbed the few vials and made her way quickly towards the storefront where a tall, slender man with light hair was already seated at her counter. He smiled happily at her.

"Morning, Winnie," he said. She smiled.

"Morning, Remus. How're you feeling?" she asked. Remus shrugged.

"Not so bad today - I really think the green stuff has been helping a lot with the fatigue. I get the feeling tomorrow's transformation will be pretty smooth," he said optimistically. Rowan nodded and smiled as she turned for the smoking cauldron. That was exactly what she wanted to hear - the green potion seemed to be doing its job well. She ladled a tall glass of Wolfsbane out for him and set it down on the counter cleanly. As he tipped the smoking potion back, she filled another glass with the mixture of water and green potion. Its sweet smell filled the air. She grinned as Remus placed the first glass down with a twisting grimace, reaching for the next urgently. He then took a long draught from the second. He swished the potion around in his mouth and then set it half-empty down on the counter with a satisfied gasp.

"Damn, that's really good," he said wondrously. He looked at the mixture curiously but noted no noticeable difference. "You figured out the sweetness factor?" Rowan nodded.

"Apple," she said. He nodded and took another sip. "I think the acidity helps to keep its sweetness while brewing. I'm glad it turned out well." Remus smiled as he set the glass down again, now empty. He looked up at her with a soft smile.

"You look damn tired," he said. He then pointed to the corner of his own eye and nodded to her. Rowan groaned and rubbed at her eyes. There were still remnants of sleep there, crumbling away itchily beneath her fingers.

"Fucking Snuffles and his fucking motorbikes all night," she grumbled under her breath. Remus frowned heavily.

"Who?"

Rowan looked up with surprise to see something flicker in Remus' gaze. She frowned at the strange expression. She hadn't seen him make that face at her in years. What was he angry about?

"Snuffles," she repeated, clearly this time. She eyed him warily. Remus' face suddenly lightened with understanding before frowning with confusion again.

"Is he staying with you? Here?" asked Remus in a hushed tone, leaning forward slightly. Rowan shook her head.

"No, he's up in the mountains, but he comes by a couple of times a week to shower and eat and all, and I'm usually able to convince him to sleep on my couch those nights. It's just that when he does, he ends up keeping me up half the night talking about random shit. Last night it was Muggle motorbikes until 3 o'clock, and last week it was every Zonko's toy that had come out over the past decade. He forgets that while he can nap the day away in the sun, I have to work," she said tiredly, rubbing her eyes again. She blinked rapidly to try to keep the fatigue out. Remus smiled amusedly and nodded.

"I see. I'm glad to hear you two are bonding again," he said. Rowan frowned.

"Did you not know he was here?" she asked. He nodded his head.

"I did, but I haven't heard from him in a few weeks. I also forgot about that ridiculous name," he said with a grin. Rowan laughed.

"It _is_ ridiculous, isn't it? I can't believe that's the one they went with. He doesn't even look like a Snuffles!" she joked. She looked at Remus fondly. "You should come over the next time he stops by for dinner. I think he said Thursday. I promise my cooking has gotten better," she said. He smiled warmly.

"I'm sure your cooking is still as amazing as it always was," he said. Rowan felt her cheeks warm, but she smiled back happily. But then he gave her a strange searching look, eyes narrowing slightly. She frowned.

"What?" she asked uncomfortably. He gave a stiff smile.

"You're in a good mood," he said. Rowan narrowed her eyes at him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked. He looked shiftily at her then reached into his robes and pulled out a copy of _The Daily Prophet_. He slid it towards her across the counter.

"I'm guessing you haven't read today's paper." Rowan frowned.

"No, why?" she asked, taking the paper apprehensively. Remus grimaced.

"Page 3," he said. Rowan nodded and opened it up.

The top article's title read: "_HARRY POTTER'S MOTHER WOLF."_ Rowan's breath caught for a moment. She shot him a questioning look, and his grimace deepened. She looked back down with dread. With it, there was a photo of her, Remus, and Harry, seemingly from after the Second Task. They were each glaring, speaking quietly amongst each other. She frowned. She didn't recall any photos being taken around them at the time. Though she knew they were probably discussing Barty Crouch at the time, to an outsider she imagined it would appear that they were fighting. And as she caught the name "Rita Skeeter" under the article, her stomach tightened, knowing that whatever words came next would not be positive._  
_

"_Harry Potter, currently the focus of much attention as the scandalous fourth champion in the Triwizard Tournament currently being held at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, seems to be attracting all sorts of beasts and the like. As was reported by The Daily Prophet a few weeks ago, the current Professor of Care of Magical Creatures and dear friend of Mr. Potter, Mr. Rubeus Hagrid, was discovered to be half-giant, and now, it has come to light that _another_ close friend and confidant holds strange ties to other dark creatures - namely, werewolves._

_Master Rowan Delacroix, commonly regaled as co-founder of the groundbreaking Wolfsbane Potion, has recently reappeared in Harry Potter's life, and through the Prophet's investigations, it has been discovered that she is, in fact, the late James Potter's oldest childhood friend and Harry Potter's godmother. Why this information has been kept secret from the public is unknown, but what is clear is her strange fascination with werewolves._

_Recently hailed as a champion of werewolf rights and research, Master Delacroix has certainly painted a benevolent and diligent image for herself. However, what was also kept from the public eye is her relationship with a certain Remus Lupin, a registered werewolf. Our readers might remember Mr. Lupin as the former Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor who resigned in disgrace last year from his position at Hogwarts after having his condition discovered. What they might _not_ know is that Mr. Lupin has played a large part in Master Delacroix's path towards fame and prestige._

_"We went to school together. Everyone knew Rowan Delacroix and Remus Lupin as a couple," said one source, who chooses to remain anonymous. "But even though we didn't know Lupin was a werewolf back then, we still feared him and feared for Delacroix. They had a tumultuous relationship, and he was always quiet and a little standoffish. I always suspected he was abusive towards her. I can only imagine the horrible treatment she received."_

_Was Mr. Potter aware of his godmother's questionable past? Of his former professor's dark side? An impressionable orphan in search of a mother's love - is it not cruel that his mother-figure is consorting with such shady characters? Does the Boy Who Lived not deserve a safe home environment, not threatened by the influence of dangerous creatures? We can only hope that Master Delacroix takes the boy's best interests to heart and reassesses her values. What is more important: her godson or her claim to fame?"_

Rowan's breath came shallowly as her eyes scanned over the last words. Her hands had crumpled the newspaper hotly into her fists as she'd read through the infuriating article.

Fame? Skeeter thought she was doing this for _fame?_ She wanted to reach through the paper and wrap her fingers around that miserable woman's throat. That shaking fury, the screaming heat shot up her throat and into her face. Something in her told her calm down, but her muscles were already tight with the sudden impulse to break something.

"Rowan," Remus said carefully. But she could barely hear him. There was a rush of anger in her ears. Her fingers sank into the crackling paper. She took a shaky breath. Remus' face began to melt with deep concern at the trembling of her shoulders. "Winnie," he urged concernedly.

"One... Just..." she choked. She took another breath through her nostrils, clenching her eyes shut. Willing all of the noise of the outside street and shop from her mind - the voices, the laughter, the soft sound of Remus' breath - she pinpointed that acute fury, that anger. She gathered all of the words of Skeeter's article into a long thread, which tangled into a clumped ball of heat at her temple, right above her ear. Her cheek twitched with effort as she held it there and then reached her wand up shakily. Pointing the very tip of it to that spot, she grit her teeth and pushed the ball outward. Its unwieldiness caught at her skull and unraveled as it pushed out. A chill shot up her spine as the little dead star left her. Still with eyes shut, she rummaged through her pocket and pulled out a tiny vial, flicking the cork off with a clumsy thumb. She opened her eyes, focusing pointedly on the small vial, and drew her wand to the lip where the unraveled silvery thread fell in.

She sighed as she saw the silvery thread dissolve into a shimmering liquid. It glinted slightly in the bright morning light. Tiredly, Rowan realized her collection of vials up in her office was steadily growing ever larger. She'd have to expand the cupboard again. She set the vial down onto the counter and searched around dumbly for the dropped cork. She waved her wand again, and it shot to her hand. Remus looked deeply disturbed as he watched her now languid movements.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Rowan nodded tiredly as she corked the vial.

"Yeah," she mumbled. She closed her eyes again, taking another slow, shaky breath. Her hand wrapped around the vial tightly. She could feel the heat that still remained soak into her skin through the glass. It felt strangely soothing to her now cool frame, now that it was no longer a part of her. She sighed and opened her eyes to see Remus' gaze hard on her. She offered a weak nod of acknowledgement.

"I'm sorry. I must've looked insane to you just now. I just..." she paused, licking her lips nervously. "I get angry sometimes," she explained awkwardly. Remus nodded slowly.

"That never happened when we were together," he noted. Rowan nodded.

"It started happening after the war ended. Every so often I'd just get hit with a fit of rage, usually whenever I thought of James o-or..." she hesitated. _Or you_, she thought. "My mum tried to get me to go to therapy, but I guess my pride makes me feel weak for it. I know that's stupid, but there it is. So I've started storing some of the more bitter memories. It helps, but I'm left feeling pretty spent after removing them." Remus smiled sadly in understanding.

"I see," he said. Rowan looked to him guiltily again.

"I'm sorry. That's not something I'd have wanted you to see. It's just..." she paused, feeling the now subdued anger swirling slowly in the vial, still in her hand. "It's just that that Skeeter woman really sets something off in me. Sometimes I think she's worse than even the Death Eaters we once fought. At least they had ideology behind their actions, twisted as it might have been," she ranted bitterly. She felt the heat pool again in her gut, but it remained subdued, lapping at the lining of her stomach quietly. Remus nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, she doesn't seem to have any boundaries when it comes to getting a story. I have to say I'm amazed at the research she managed to scrounge up though regarding the articles she's written this year. Your relationship with Harry isn't exactly public knowledge, and I don't recall her being anywhere close enough at the First or Second Tasks to overhear anything that might have suggested you're Harry's godmother," he said. Rowan nodded, frowning heavily. She hadn't thought of that.

"Harry thinks she has an invisibility cloak or something to help her come and go unnoticed," she said. Remus' mouth tightened.

"We'll have to be careful of what we say in the future then," he said. Rowan nodded, suddenly feeling very paranoid. She sped through their conversation and hoped that she and Remus had been discreet in their references to Sirius. The chances of Skeeter being in the shop just to eavesdrop on them when there were so many other more interesting stories were slim to none, but she didn't want to risk it.

She felt a heavy weight on her and looked up to see that Remus was still frowning at her. She grimaced slightly, realizing she'd zoned out for a moment in her brooding.

"What?" she asked, feeling shifty under his gaze. His lips twitched upward into a half-smile.

"You... I never imagined..." he said slowly, seemingly feeling his own thought out. "I never would have imagined you as struggling with anger before, but it sort of makes sense - not that you'd be naturally inclined towards anger, but that you would have many reasons to be." Rowan frowned with confusion. He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I just find it regretful that you have so much to feel angry about when you shouldn't have to have so many reasons," he said. Rowan's chest tightened but she shrugged casually.

"We all have reasons to be angry. You just caught me on a bad day I guess," she said turning to the cupboard below with the tiny vial of memory. She placed it safely, tucked to the side, and made a mental note to place it with the rest upstairs in her office at the end of the day. She remembered her mother's words from Christmas: Y_ou either need to maintain a respectable distance from him and be casually friendly, or you need to explicitly discuss where you stand with each other and make sure that you both know where the lines are. _She'd had nearly four months since then to prepare herself for that clarification, but she realized suddenly that she still wasn't ready to breach such intimate topics with him. She wasn't ready to discuss all the reasons she was still angry, somewhat surprised to acknowledge that there still was anger directed at him at all. The buffer would remain for now.

She met his gaze finally as she stood and frowned at the searching look on his face. It made something beneath her skin crawl anxiously. He was too close. She needed to get him out of there quickly.

_Ring._

Rowan nearly sighed with relief as she looked to the door, plastering an hospitable smile to her face. Her lips stretched into a genuine grin, however, at the sight of a tall burly man and the petite woman at his side. They both beamed at her.

"Eugenia! It's been so long!" she greeted happily. The small woman moved forward swiftly to the counter and reached over to grasp Rowan's hands warmly. Her husband Stewart followed, shaking Remus' hand in salutation brightly. The younger man beamed back.

"Rowan, how are you?" the older woman asked. "I'm sorry it's been so long since I've come by. Work has been a constant struggle recently, and I just haven't had a single free moment to get away from the office." Rowan squeezed the woman's hands affectionately.

"I'm doing just fine. It's wonderful to see you," she responded. Her face melted with concern. "Is your company hurting from the recent disappearances as well?" Eugenia's face pulled into a fierce glower.

"Unfortunately. It seems more and more people are going missing these days. One of my managers stopped showing up to work two weeks ago, and it's been hell since," she said darkly. Remus frowned questioningly. Rowan looked up at him, suddenly remembering he was there.

"Oh, Eugenia, this is my friend Remus Lupin. Remus, this is Stewart's wife Eugenia. I think I mentioned her last time you and Stewart were here together," she said. Eugenia turned and smiled brightly at the younger man.

"So you're Remus," Eugenia said appraisingly. She shook his hand with a surprisingly firm grip and looked him square in the face as she spoke. Despite her tiny frame and the roundness of her pixie-like features, something about her was very bold. "I've heard a lot about you. Stewart tells me you and Rowan go far back," she said. Remus nodded.

"Yes, since First Year," he said. Eugenia seemed to consider this with approval. Rowan watched their interaction carefully out of the corner of her eye as she ladled a portion of Wolfsbane for Stewart. The small round-faced woman had always seemed to have good instincts when it came to the characters of others. She wondered what the older woman thought of Remus. She turned back to the counter and slide the glass across to the large man, who grinned knowingly at Rowan and winked. She narrowed her eyes at him. He lifted the glass and nodded to Rowan.

"Cheers then to the master," he said teasingly. Eugenia and Remus turned, remembering the two others and watched as Stewart tipped the smoking potion back. As he guzzled the second, Rowan gestured to Eugenia to join her on her side of the counter. She hopped up onto the tall stool just as Stewart swallowed the last drop.

"It's fantastic, isn't it?" asked Remus, nodding to the faintly green glass with a smile. Stewart nodded enthusiastically.

"I was about to say, you've really outdone yerself this month, missy. Tastes just like apples!" he barked. Eugenia matched his grin, both turning to Rowan happily. She smiled sheepishly.

"Anything to get that wretched taste out of your mouth," she said. Stewart made a dramatic gagging sound at the mere thought of the Wolfsbane. Eugenia rolled her eyes and turned to Rowan pointedly. She smirked darkly.

"I reckon you've seen the article then?" she asked. Rowan glowered.

"Unfortunately. You best believe the Prophet is going to be receiving a very angry letter from me tomorrow," she said darkly. Stewart smiled sheepishly.

"Don't let them get you down, missy. That Skeeter woman writes nothing but rubbish. Everyone knows it," he said. Rowan shook her head sullenly and sighed.

"I know, but I'm still bound to get a few hateful letters after this. And Harry's going to get the brunt of it at school. He already gets picked on enough as it is. The last thing I want is for him to get more shit from his classmates because of me," she said mournfully. Stewart smiled sympathetically.

"Don't worry. Just remember things can always be worse. Remember how much better things have gotten in the past ten years. Harry will be fine," he said. Rowan nodded, though her lips still tightened. Right - it was silly to underestimate how strong Harry was, and at least he didn't have to endure the real prejudice that came with _being_ a werewolf. Eugenia turned to Remus again with a polite but hard look.

"So first year - you two have known each other quite a long time," she said. Remus nodded warily. Rowan watched the older woman with a careful eye. She was certainly a tactful woman - she couldn't have made such a successful career for herself with a werewolf husband otherwise - but she could be pushy. Rowan wondered where Eugenia was leading this conversation.

"Right," said Remus. Eugenia's lip twitched upward amusedly.

"So why haven't we met you before now? Stewart says you were just a babe when you were bitten," she said. Rowan's face suddenly began to tingle hotly. She looked down into her mug and berated herself silently. Why did this embarrass her so much? They were friends now, weren't they? What was so wrong about admitting that they used to date? It's not like either was still sore about the topic. It'd been so long, after all.

"We just kind of fell out touch. You know, she went to do research in Hungary, and then I was struggling with work. We just lost touch and before I knew it, ten years had passed," Remus said casually. Rowan slowly released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Remus had obviously rehearsed this in his head before - at least one of them had had the foresight to do so. It was obviously vague, but it was sufficient. She silently thanked him with a tiny smile. He returned it warmly. "But I have to say I have no idea how I could've gotten on ten years without seeing her. There's really no one else out there like her," he added kindly. Rowan's face warmed again. She saw Stewart shoot her a cheeky smile. _  
_

"Yeah, she's quite the special one, ain't she?" he teased. Rowan glared at him.

"So how did you two meet?" Remus followed up. The older couple shared a warm smile.

"Also in school - we were Hogwarts sweethearts," Eugenia said. Stewart beamed at his wife. Rowan smiled fondly - they were obviously still very much in love with each other.

"Stewart said he was nineteen when he was bitten though," said Remus with a frown. "You were with him then when it happened." Eugenia nodded with a soft smile.

"I was. It was difficult at first coming to terms with it all obviously. We fought a lot, but we made it through," she said. Stewart nodded.

"Would ya like ta hear the story?" he asked Remus. "The master will have to forgive me - she's heard it a million times - but I reckon hearing about First Bites is always interesting," he said. Rowan's chest tightened - this wasn't the kind of tale she'd prepared herself for on this day. She glanced to Remus quickly to see him nodding. Her stomach clenched. He was going to hear it anyway, so why not now? Both she and Stewart took a deep breath in preparation. She grit her teeth as the older man began to tel his tale.

* * *

Genie here and I met during our Sixth Year at Hogwarts - I was a Gryffindor, she a Hufflepuff. She caught me sneaking around the Astronomy Tower after hours - she was a Prefect, see. I don't remember exactly what it was that I was doing up there - probably something dumb - but she let me go with a warning. The catch was that I had to do her Transfiguration homework for her the following week on Human Transfiguration. Funny how that works, eh? I was real good at Human Transfiguration and then ended up transfiguring on my own every month without a wand in the end.

But anyway, we met up a few days later, and she gives me her assignment. Turns out she's already made a real muck of her essay, so I had to sit her down and go through it with her step by step. Takes a few days, but by the end of it, I've taken a real liking to her. I was scared though - she had a reputation of being a real hard ass, and I was kind of the class clown. I ended up making a big ass of myself quite a few times trying to work up the courage to ask her to Hogsmeade until she finally gave up and just asked me instead. Got to say nothing gets my blood going like a saucy lady.

So we start dating. Things go smooth into our Seventh Year and then past graduation. We start talking about moving in together. I got a cushy job at the Ministry, as does she in International Trade. I'm planning on proposing to her at this point - just saving up money for the ring - but then the worst happens. I got bitten.

I'm still not exactly sure how it happened. I was still living at home with me mum - she wasn't well at the time - and we lived in a little cottage in the woods up north. It was a pretty dense forest, but it'd never been known for being dangerous in anyway. Every once in a while a wolf would come out and steal a sheep from some Muggle farmer, but that was about it. By most accounts, it was a very typical forest - barely anything magical about it at all.

But this one night - November 5, 1963 - I was coming home late from work after a long day. I'd gone in late, you see, so I'd stayed late to make up for it. I Apparated into town at around 10 at night, and as I was making my way through the woods outside of town to my house, I heard this rustling, and this gray thing pops out from the trees.

I thought it was just a wolf at first. I'd never paid attention in DADA class I guess, so I didn't take in the typical features as anything odd. It just looked like a big wolf to me, and it seemed so tame. It just kind of stared for a while, like it was trying to figure me out. And me being a sucker for animals thought, "Oh, look at this little guy. He's probably just scared." So I tried to approach it. I'm sure you can imagine the rest.

I woke up at home in bed. Some of the neighbors had heard me screaming I suppose and were able to kill the werewolf who'd attacked me - turned out to be some sad bloke from the town over who'd been bitten just a few months before. Sad, really - he'd gone mad with the realization of what he'd become and run off from home. But it was enough to damage me. I was definitely turned.

I also nearly lost it. I got sacked, me mum died, and I kept hurting myself during my transformations. I'd lock myself in the basement with every protective spell I could think of, but it just made me turn on meself. Our neighbors completely turned their backs on me - didn't want anything to do with me, even tried to drive me out. At this point, I'd simply stopped contacting Genie - figured she didn't need me holding her back as I was now. She was mighty upset about it, but I was too deep in my own self-pity to even consider anyone else.

But it was during this time that I met another young werewolf. His name was Fenrir Greyback, about nine years older than me. He was the leader of a small pack of other young werewolves, creating a sort of support group for those who'd had their families turn their backs on them, and when he heard about me, he came knocking on my door. He turned up at my house about eight months after I'd been turned.

I was lonely and afraid and hurting, so you can imagine how welcome of a revelation this was to me - that there were other sad folk out there like me. I took to their group immediately - even offered up my home as a sort of base for the pack. Fenrir was the older brother I'd needed at the time - someone worn and experienced from the years alone, someone who was willing to bequeath his knowledge to me. He'd seen and done things that I'd feared and respected - going out alone and giving up the remains of his past life to find others like him. He was generous with his time and attention and always patient with us younger ones. He was our pack leader in every sense. To say I looked up to him would be an understatement. For a young kid like me, he was the fierce standard I wanted to hold myself to.

We ended up staying there for about a month before deciding to make our way up north to join the Gladaman tribe. I'm sure you've heard of them. It was a pretty long trek. A few in our group didn't have a good grasp on magic - quite a few were underage wizards, sadly - so we had to make our way up by foot. And with the monthly cycles, we couldn't go for too long without getting completely exhausted. And with the full moon nights to consider, our route was even more roundabout as to not come across any towns or cities during our transformations. It was a long and cold journey, and we ended up losing one of the young ones along the way - ended up hurting himself too bad to heal during one tough cycle. By the time we started getting close to the Gladaman, we were on edge, just about to lose it. And then Fenrir and I started seeing things a little differently.

It came up during one of our rare visits into a town for supplies. There was an old wizard in one little village who knew his stuff about werewolves - he spotted us a mile away. Of course, he pointed our condition out to the rest of the village folk, and before we knew it, there was a small mob trying to drive us out. Me, I just wanted to get out. I didn't want to fight, and I certainly didn't want to hurt nobody. But Fenrir was close to breaking.

He'd been a werewolf for nearly five years at that point, bitten similarly as I'd been. But he hadn't been so lucky as to find a pack right away. He'd been orphaned young, so he didn't even have a family to accept or reject him. For a long while, he wandered alone, through the woods and mountains, avoiding people and towns. He could do magic, but he wasn't great at it. Eventually, he broke his wand while out in the wilderness and rejected all ideas of wizarding communities, choosing to live a hermit's life. Eventually, he found a few others like him and decided to create a pack of his own.

But time was cruel, as are people. It twisted him, made him angry, bitter. In the face of this mob, something snapped in him. I'd already taken a few of the younger ones and run, but he and a couple others stayed behind. We got separated for a few hours, and by the time we found them again outside of the village it was dark. And on their hands and mouths was blood.

It was clear what they'd done. I was horrified. Most of us were, but I think there's something about human blood. Once you've had it as a werewolf, especially if you're still in your human form, the body takes a craving for it. It's like your nose takes hold of that scent and clings to it like a compass. After that, they were never the same - harder, crueler. I started fearing what they'd do if we were to stumble across another town. I nearly got into several fights with them on the rest of our journey in my attempts to steer us clear of the few villages we passed. Luckily, I was able to push us hard across the final stretch to the Gladaman. I'm afraid to think of what might've happened if I hadn't.

Most of our group was happy to finally make it. We were tired and starving by the time we arrived, and the tribe there welcomed us with open arms. The chief back then was a coarse man, but he showed us hospitality and made us their own; however, Fenrir wasn't satisfied.

I don't know if it was the blood or just the disappointment of finding that life in the tribe was still damn hard after spending so much time fantasizing about the werewolf utopia we'd been told. He started trying to take part in the tribe council, pushing for more aggression towards the other tribes and the Ministry officials who came every so often to officiate. Fenrir didn't like this, not at all. He wanted to revolt against the officials who kept us there in the cold, in the unforgiving climate of the north. He wanted to take more land. The longer we were there, the more extreme his beliefs became, and the more I began to fear him. Fortunately, the chief put his foot down and Fenrir in his place - no revolts and no violence would take place while he was chief. After a few months, Fenrir left, taking two others with him. I never saw him again.

I stayed with the rest of my pack, but it was lonely. I'd finally found the tribe I'd wanted, a place to call home where all the other tribesmen were like me. But still, I was so lonely. It was cold and gray, and survival was still a struggle, even with our brethren. I missed the city and the warmth of my bed. I missed magic and the feel of my wand, which I'd snapped in half at the beginning of my journey there. But most of all, I missed Eugenia. I missed her desperately.

There were a few pairs of mates and even a couple who had adopted werewolf children in the tribe, but I could find absolutely no desire to mate. I knew I'd found my one and only, and I'd left her behind in London with a note and the pieces of my wand. As far as I was concerned my one chance at love had been abandoned with my life as a wizard.

But then, about a year later, she just showed up there.

I thought I was dreaming. There, at the chief's tent was Eugenia, windworn and furious and beautiful. I'd never thought I could be more in love with her as I'd been when I'd left, but at that moment, there was no other man in the world more in love than I was. She'd come all the way there alone from London to drag me back home. I found out later that she'd threatened one of those Ministry officials into telling her where the Gladaman were, and she'd packed up and charged into the mountains to come find me and drag me home to London. I can't even tell you what happened after that. I remember her slapping me across the face and then watching her pack all of my belongings into a tiny little knapsack. Before I knew it, we were marching through the snow once more back to the city, and I was home.

The rest of it is boring stuff - her slapping me loads of times and calling me stupid and me apologizing. She quit her job at the Ministry, and we moved to Montrose where she set up shop and started her own trading company, which has thrived over the years. And I'm a stupid man, but I done fucked up enough to learn well that I needed to make this woman my wife. So I proposed and we got married a couple years later, and we lived happily ever after.

* * *

Stewart grinned proudly at the trio around him as he finished his story. Rowan smiled tightly as she mulled over his words. She'd already heard most of the details of his story many times over the years, but the connections to Remus still made her chest tighten anxiously. She wanted to look up at Remus but couldn't find the courage for some reason. She was hesitant to call the feeling in her face shame.

She remembered his journey north to the Gladaman during the war and the fear and pain it'd caused them both. Would she have been able to charge into the werewolf territories alone in search for him? Probably not - it was much more dangerous during the war. She probably wouldn't have come back alive, especially after the coups that had taken place there back then. She wondered if those people were well. She wondered what happened to the fallen chief's daughter Cassandra who had helped Remus escape. Had she been killed as well?

"Amazing," breathed Remus wondrously. "Amazing. I can't believe how strong you two are. And it's remarkable how many ties there are between our stories." He paused, brow furrowing. Rowan could see him make a decision. "Very significant ties, actually - I was bitten by Fenrir Greyback... about half a year after he left the Gladaman."

Stewart's eyes bulged. "No," he whispered. Remus nodded grimly.

"February 21, 1965 - I was just about to turn five," he said. "He broke into my bedroom window and attacked me in my sleep. He was untransformed, but he did enough damage to infect me." Stewart shook his head, lips twisting painfully.

"I'm so sorry, lad. I obviously know about his reputation now, but I had no idea he'd gone to such extremes so soon after I last saw him," he said sadly. Remus smiled softly.

"There's nothing to apologize for. You weren't the one to bite me," he said. He then looked to Eugenia. "And your story is really remarkable, truly. There's really so much to admire you two for. Thank you so much for sharing it with me." Eugenia smiled graciously.

"Nothing to admire - when you're in love, you're in love," she said simply. Stewart beamed at her. Remus smiled quietly.

Rowan kept her eyes glued to her mug. She hadn't raised them throughout Stewart's story, afraid to look at her company. She hadn't thought of the Perpetuas' story in a long time, and she'd never expected Remus to hear it after all their years apart. And wasn't it uncomfortable for him to hear it with her there? There were obviously many significant similarities between their stories - only that they hadn't had the same happy ending.

"What're you lookin' so down for, missy? I said we lived happily ever after!"

Rowan looked up, face reddening, to see Stewart grinning down at her. She grimaced sheepishly and forced an embarrassed smile to her face. She was making a fool of herself again. _Act like a damn adult, Delacroix_, she thought to herself angrily. Remus sighed.

"Well, I'd best get going," he said, looking up at the clock. Both Rowan and Stewart frowned.

"What? So soon? Stay for lunch! We can all head over to the pub!" he argued. Remus smiled but shook his head.

"Thank you, but I promised to run some errands for my father, and it's getting quite late," he said. Rowan frowned. She hadn't seen Lyall since Christmas. Had she really gone so long without stopping by to visit? She grimaced inwardly - yes, ever since Remus had returned home to the Lupin household, she'd been making up excuses not to go. Perhaps it was time to get over her stupid reservations and just accept that she was bound to revisit uncomfortable familiar situations, now that Remus had reappeared in her life again. Remus smiled at Stewart.

"Please let me know about the next W.R.C. meeting. I think I'd like to get involved," he said. Stewart once again broke into a broad grin, tooth gap showing sharply. Eugenia also beamed. Stewart stood to his feet and engulfed Remus into a swift hug. The younger man gasped slightly as the wind was knocked from his lungs but smiled all the same. Rowan's stomach lurched slightly as she watched the two men. Another reason he would remain a fixture in her life now - when had he made this decision? What had made him choose to join?

"I'll be sure to let ya know or have the master here keep ya informed," Stewart said happily. Remus nodded and smiled at Rowan. She smiled tightly and then looked back down. Eugenia eyed her with an arched brow. Remus said his goodbyes, waving to Rowan and shaking Eugenia's hand once more.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, Winnie," he said. Rowan nodded and forced a smile to her face. She noted that there was a red tinge to his ears, though his face remained straight.

"See you," she said. He smiled once more and stood steadily, eyes averting, and with one last ring of the door he was gone. Rowan took a deep breath.

"He seems like a very nice man," Eugenia noted. Rowan nodded vaguely. He'd seemed eager to leave - perhaps he'd felt more uncomfortable than he'd let on. Maybe she wasn't the only one who still felt embarrassed in the face of their failed story.

"He is," she said honestly.

"A damn good man!" Stewart boomed. Eugenia looked at Rowan thoughtfully, ignoring her husband's loud tone.

"Is he employed?" she asked. Rowan frowned.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," she answered. She realized this was the second time she'd been asked in the past few months and yet she still hadn't bothered to find out. "I don't think he is actually," she added. Eugenia nodded.

"Is he any good with potions?" she asked. Rowan smiled amusedly.

"It was actually his worst subject. Why?" She remembered fondly all the afternoons in the dungeons as teenagers, with him cursing quietly over his cauldron, hands fumbling with butchered ingredients. She'd always laughed at his poor attempts and had even tutored him in the subject. There was something refreshing in knowing that even the most brilliant people had something they were bad at.

"Hm, well, that's unfortunate," Eugenia said. Rowan frowned. "I was thinking - he seems like a very intelligent man. Seems like a shame he hasn't been able to find work that really utilizes his gifts. I thought maybe you could offer him a position here as an assistant or something," she said. "I know that probably presents a whole slew of issues between you considering your history, but it's just an idea."

"How do you know about our history?" Rowan asked. Even if Stewart had had his suspicions, she'd never confirmed any of them. Eugenia smirked up at her.

"That Rita Skeeter might be full of dung, but there's usually a layer of truth there in her stories," she said knowingly. "Besides, even if I hadn't read that article, I'm smart enough to recognize sexual tension when I see it," she said smartly. Rowan's face burned at the sound of Stewart's burning laughter. "Just food for thought," Eugenia added. Rowan covered her face with her hands and shook her head, deeply embarrassed. It seemed that no matter how she tried to avoid certain things, some stories were just bound to resurface, whether she was the one to bring them up or not.

The Perpetuas teased her a bit more throughout lunch, but she knew it was in good fun. And no matter how pained their story might leave her, even now, she was comforted by the fact that another couple had weathered the hardships that came with the lycanthropic condition. She wondered if in an alternate universe Belby and Marie were that couple. Maybe in another universe, it was her and Remus.

As she placed that angry memory from earlier in her cupboard later that evening, she gazed over her expansive collection of shimmering vials, each carefully labeled. She wondered if she might be able to share those as well someday as Stewart had shared his. Perhaps, like him, she'd eventually be strong enough to look back on those harder times and smile.


	26. The Animal Beside Me

**A/N: **Sorry, in a hurry today, but thanks to **sarahmichellegellarfan1, missalex3030, Eirithdiel** for your reviews! Here's another long one!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**_April 17, 1975_**

_Dear Rowan,_

_Did you read the paper yesterday? I am inconsolable! That Skeeter hag is destroying the good name of journalism! __This is the fourth stupid article she's written this year about the Tournament. Did you read the one she wrote about Hagrid? I mean, it seemed obvious to me that he was half-giant, but really, it's none of her damn business! (Please don't tell Mum I'm cursing.) The tripe she wrote about Harry and Hermione is harmless enough - it's more insipid than anything else - but she's gone too far this time! To call your and Remus' integrity into question is absolutely disgusting! Oh, I want to kick her in her ugly teeth!_

_But because of all this crap, I've been inspired to really begin pushing my writing out - it's about time, right? I've gotten permission from Dumbledore to start a school paper with Ginny, and we have even commissioned Colin Creevey to act as our photographer. He's annoying as all hell, but he does seem to get some interesting shots from time to time. But since our paper will be completely unregulated, it's the perfect platform to write legitimate journalistic work. For my first article, I want to do a REAL interview with you about your story. It'd not only be currently relevant after Skeeter's completely false gossip, but you're also academically relevant. Honestly, I'm amazed more hasn't been written about you considering how interesting your story is with Damocles Belby and my parents. Do you think Remus would agree to an interview as well?_

_On an unrelated note, I finally met Frank and Alice Longbottom's son Neville. He's in Harry's year, also in Gryffindor. I'd never have expected _him_ to be the son of renowned Aurors. It's amazing he's even in Gryffindor at all, in my opinion. He's so meek. When I introduced myself to him, he nearly choked on his own tongue out of fright. I'm not _that_ intimidating, am I? I just want to shake him and knock some sense into him! The boy's probably afraid of his own shadow. Bit pathetic, really. I will admit that I've been taking advantage of his nerves and sneaking up on him in the corridors every time I get a chance. It's just way too funny seeing him jump and squeal. I'm a terrible person, aren't I? I do like him though. He seems like a nice boy, just unfortunately cowardly. Maybe I can beat some courage into him._

_Anyway, pleeeease, please, please do the interview! I'll even let you look over it after I finish the article. You have final say as to whether it's published or not! Let me know what you think! I'll stop by the apothecary during the next Hogsmeade trip!_

_Go Gryffindor!_

_- Aarini_

* * *

**Chapter 25: The Animal Beside Me**

"I can't do this."

Rowan Delacroix rubbed her eyes tiredly. It had been a seriously long day, and she'd stayed up late the night before with a bout of work mania. Her eyes burned slightly with exhaustion, and now the dark-haired man at her table was driving the dull ache at the back of her head even deeper. She hoped this meeting didn't last long. She needed to sleep.

"You can't be serious," she derided, pulling her hands from her face. Her friend buried his face into his instead, slumping onto her kitchen table where he was seated.

"How did I think I could do this? My heart's not ready!" Rowan groaned.

"Sirius, if you're not going to come down for the meeting then get out of here! You're wasting my time!" she barked impatiently. Sirius made a strange gurgling sound.

_Ring._ There was the sound from the door below indicating that the first person had arrived.

"Hello? Anybody here?" came a voice. It was Remus - on time as always. Rowan craned her neck into the hall.

"Up here!" she called. The sound of steps approached the staircase. Rowan turned back to face Sirius. "Look, Remus is here to support you, too. Seriously, you have got to get your shit together. You're making this a much bigger deal than it actually is," she said. Sirius kept his face in his hands, shaking his head morosely. Rowan sighed.

She knew her last comment was an understatement - indeed, it really was a big deal. After all, it was the first time Mina would be seeing Sirius again after all of Rowan's work to clean him up, despite all of her encouragements over the past month for Sirius to see his former flame. But he'd shut her down at every turn, saying he wasn't ready yet, that he needed more time. Mina, too, hadn't seemed entirely thrilled with the thought of seeing Sirius, though much more reticent about it. Rowan could tell the Auror was more eager to see Sirius than she let on outwardly, but it was like pulling teeth trying to get them to meet each other halfway. She thought she'd be happier to be reminded of their younger days, but this was one aspect of their youth that she hadn't really missed.

Dumbledore had called a meeting of the select Order members who knew of Sirius' innocence to gather to discuss something of importance, though they didn't know what that something was; however, as the Three Broomsticks wasn't a viable meeting spot this time due to its public nature, Rowan had volunteered her shop. The basement laboratory certainly lacked the warmth of the pub, but it was soundproofed and set up with the most intense protection spells Rowan could find, making it an ideal location to meet.

But this had kept her up even later than usual with an intense cleaning process. Even if the Order didn't notice or appreciate its flawless cleanliness, her nerves had required it, unable to settle without knowing that the space was ready for the next day.

But now the entire reason for which they were specifically meeting at the apothecary was about to back out. Rowan stared incredulously at the typically brave man, who was about to have a breakdown at the mere notion of seeing his old lover again. She couldn't understand it - he'd already seen her after all, and alone no less. She supposed this was more official, like the beginning of a new story with a publication stamp. Both Dumbledores, Moody, McGonagall, and Kingsley would be there. It wasn't just a meeting between friends. Even _she_ was slightly nervous about it.

But telling that to Sirius wasn't going to make it any better. She turned as the steps coming up the stairs slowed and neared. Remus' face turned the corner, peering up and smiling at Rowan's form in the doorway. Her stomach tightened slightly, but she smiled back.

Ever since that morning with the Perpetuas, the buffer Rowan had silently decided to maintain had been ever present in her mind, though to her surprise, Remus seemed to have decided the same. He was still as kind and amenable as ever, but when he'd arrived for his last dosage of the Wolfsbane the next day, he'd been decidedly quieter with an almost searching gaze, and he'd left as soon as civility would allow. Though they'd discussed having him come over for an evening when Sirius was around, he'd given a rather vague excuse to avoid it, and she hadn't brought it up again. Something twanged deep in her gut with the wish that they could truly overcome whatever tension remained from the years before, but it seemed that, for now at least, they'd still need more time.

But he was here once again, in her private space for the first time, and of course, she was looking more worn and tired than ever. She was reminded vaguely of all the times she'd imagined him there with her so many years ago when the pain of losing him had been fresh. It seemed so alien now - _he_ seemed alien now.

"What's up?" he asked as he approached her. Rowan mentally shook herself, rolled her eyes and nodded into her flat. He peered in to see Sirius staring at the door wide-eyed, perking up at the sound of his best mate's voice. They both broke into grins. Remus swept into the room, half-tackling the black-haired man as he stood quickly to receive him. They both barked loudly with laughter.

"Shit, man, it's been so long!" Remus asked, pulling away and slapping his hands on Sirius' shoulders. Sirius grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, Moony. I wanted to contact you, but Dumbledore told me to keep my head low," he explained. Remus nodded, still smiling.

"Don't worry about it. I completely understand. How long have you been back? Are you still up in the mountains?" he asked eagerly. Sirius nodded his head.

"Yeah, been there with Buckbeak for about a month and a half now. I've been coming down to see Winnie every few days or so to get a decent meal and use her shower though, as you can see," he said grinning boyishly and raising his arms in presentation. Remus nodded and looked over his friend. Sirius was certainly looking much healthier. His face had fleshed out again, circles beneath his eyes nearly gone, and though Rowan was certainly no expert with shears, she'd managed to keep his hair looking somewhat groomed and healthy, once again thick and shining. Remus smiled broadly - Sirius was beginning to look more and more like himself with everyday that passed.

Rowan smiled fondly as she watched them banter, a tightness coiling in her chest. She'd nearly gotten accustomed to Sirius' presence in her life again, but seeing him and Remus together so comfortably after all the years apart - it was nearly painful. James was supposed to be there too, jumping around his two best mates excitedly as he always had, shouting at Rowan to join them. She swallowed back the heat at her throat. Would this ever get easier?

_"Hello?"_

The black-haired man froze as he heard the door chime below and the female voice that rang out clearly up the stairs. She heard the soft murmur of a couple of voices - Mina and Kingsley had arrived. Remus turned towards the doorway to share a look with Rowan. She half-smiled, half-grimaced and then turned towards the stairs.

"Be down in a minute!" she called. Mina shouted back a confirmation. Rowan turned back to the two men at her table expectantly.

Remus was looking back at Sirius, whose mouth was tight and twisting. His brow twitched with effort as Rowan watched him gather his courage. Remus smiled sympathetically and clapped him on the shoulder again.

"It's time, Padfoot," he said quietly. Sirius gave a minute, jerky nod but couldn't raise his gaze. Remus looked hard at him, and finally, Sirius closed his eyes and took the deepest of breaths in through his nose. As he exhaled, he opened his eyes and looked over at the door, meeting Rowan's. She smiled encouragingly, and his lips pinched upward nervously but happily.

"This is it, eh?" he croaked. Rowan nodded and gestured towards the stairs.

"Let's go," she said. He nodded, took another breath, and took a firm step for the door. Rowan stepped aside as he approached her. He paused at the doorway for the briefest of breaths - Rowan hoped he could feel her silent courage for him - and then continued down the stairs with determination. Her chest swelled with pride. She then looked up to see Remus standing beside her, smiling warmly. Her stomach lurched slightly.

"You're such a good friend," he said. Her cheeks warmed, but she smiled sheepishly. She suddenly had a great urge to laugh as she had when Sirius had sat in her flat that first night he'd returned.

"Let's go?" she repeated. He nodded and gestured for her to lead. She took a step for the stairs and felt his presence strongly behind her. She wondered when she had become the one walking ahead. Hadn't he always been the one going forward alone?

* * *

"Thank you for coming, everyone."

Albus Dumbledore looked around the room at the small group gathered with his usual kind smile. Rowan also scanned over her guests again, noting that everyone had a seat at the table and tea. She had always been a nervous host. She could hardly pay attention to the Headmaster's words - the little voice at the back of her mind telling her to mind her guests was constantly nagging at her. The man sitting next to Dumbledore - her old dear friend, returned to them finally like the prodigal son - was an especially heavy weight on her mind. Her eyes continued to dart back and forth between him and Mina, who sat next to her at the center of the table, a few seats away from Sirius. Her eyes were glued pointedly on the Headmaster, unwavering and hard. Rowan grimaced slightly - Mina was clearly trying desperately to not look at Sirius, who continued to glance every so often at the brunette contritely. Rowan felt a pinch of embarrassment as she identified that look with the ones Remus had once shot her during their more turbulent years.

Rowan sighed. She hadn't been so short-sighted as to _not_ tell Mina that Sirius was there in Hogsmeade, but even with the notification beforehand, Mina didn't seem to be any closer to knowing how to approach the man. Indeed, she'd made a stop at Mina's the very day after he'd first arrived in Hogsmeade to tell her about her house guest. She was her dearest friend, after all, and the last thing she wanted was for Mina to discover that her best friend had been hiding her former lover without even mentioning it to her. And if Sirius wasn't going to keep Mina and Kingsley informed about his movements, _someone_ had to, right? Mina had received the information as Rowan had expected - with a heavy frown and furrowed brow.

They'd talked quietly, huddled on the Auror's couch in the dim light of evening. Mina's conflicted feelings regarding Sirius still hadn't changed - regardless of his return, there was no way to know how she'd react to seeing him again, to speaking at length to him again. They were both starkly different people. Mina had different priorities, different burdens and fears and accomplishments. Even if the changes had seemed minute to Rowan, she knew logically that it was only because she'd seen them occur gradually over time. If the Mina of fourteen years ago were to meet herself today, she'd cower in awe of the impressive woman she'd become. And the changes in Sirius were obviously drastic, stark and frightening almost. Sirius was a mere ghost of what he once was - little glimpses of the carefree man he'd once been with many more shadows to underline them.

Even if Rowan had felt those old familiar voices of the past the first night he'd stayed with her, over the past two months, she'd truly begun to realize how much time had passed and how many changes had come with it. He was rough, harsh, almost more animal-like than man at times. Rowan found herself frustrated and confused at the amount of times she'd nagged at him to eat properly - had she truly become her mother, as she'd always feared? They'd certainly argued more than once, especially when Sirius had informed Rowan that he'd told Harry about her friendship with Barty Crouch Jr. He continued to remind her of a stray dog, bristling and wary of the approaching hand, ready to snap at any sign of hostility. He was defensive and moody, quick to anger. There were times she'd say something seemingly harmless and he'd lash out at her for it.

Perhaps it was because he never had a chance to mourn. Being thrown to the dementors immediately after losing everything - it must have slowed time for him. Feeling so many things so suddenly and so freshly with his loved ones around him again must be overwhelming. And to be confined even as a free, innocent man - he deserved to be angry, didn't he? Rowan had to keep this idea a steady thought in her mind each time she found herself arguing with him again, forcing herself to calm and wait out his outbursts.

But none of this was going to make rekindling his relationship with Mina any easier. If he could barely get on with relaxed Rowan for a day without arguing, how was he going to rebuild his relationship with Mina? She was a powerful woman, after all, with high expectations of herself and those around her, and rightfully so. Though she'd grown more patient over the years as she'd risen through the ranks - to be an effective superior, one had to be - but one could only push her patience so far. And Sirius had always known how to push her buttons in good and bad ways. Rowan knew she'd have to keep an eye on them throughout the evening to minimize the havoc he was bound to make. She shot Mina one last wary glance before looking back up to the head of the table.

"I know our meeting place tonight is a bit unusual, but I'm sure you can understand why it was crucial to find somewhere with a bit of privacy," said Dumbledore, smiling kindly down at Sirius. "Sirius, I know I speak for all of us in saying how happy we are to see you looking so well and healthy again," he said. Aberforth grunted roughly with approval from down the table, and Moody hummed in agreement. Rowan smiled at the sheepish but pleased look on Sirius' face. "Happy" didn't even cover it. She felt his presence begin to really soak in - having him in her space one-on-one was one thing, but to have him there with their old friends was another. His existence seemed real now, imprinted into all of their lives and not just hers. She saw Remus' eyes crinkle happily from across the table. He obviously felt it as well.

"Obviously, I called for this meeting to discuss Sirius' return, but there is also another pressing matter that needs to be addressed, one that I believe is very urgent," continued Dumbledore, face straightening seriously again. Rowan frowned and noted the grimace on both Moody and McGonagall's faces. Her stomach tightened with anticipation.

"Barty Crouch has been missing since May 26th, just this past Sunday," he said quietly. Rowan's eyes widened as she saw Mina bristle beside her. She frowned at her friend's angry expression. Had she known about this? One look at Kingsley said yes. Dread began to permeate through her limbs. "He was last seen in the evening on the Hogwarts grounds by Harry and the Durmstrang champion Viktor Krum after returning from their Third Task debriefing session with Ludo Bagman. Harry informs me that he looked as if he hadn't bathed or changed clothes in months and was vacillating between moments of dementia and lucidity. He left Crouch with the Durmstrang boy to come get me in my office, but by the time we returned, Crouch had disappeared, leaving Mr. Krum stupefied and unconscious. We have thoroughly searched the grounds but have been unable to find him."

Rowan's entire body took on a chill. She remembered Crouch's bizarre behavior from the Second Task. Something had blatantly been wrong with him, but she'd let him go. If she'd stopped him, he could have been saved. Why hadn't she done anything?

"Professor, did Harry mention anything else Crouch might've said? Rowan and I saw him at the Second Task, and he'd been clearly unwell back then also," Remus said seriously. Rowan's stomach churned. Why did this keep happening to Harry? Dumbledore nodded.

"He said Bertha Jorkins was dead," he said gravely. Rowan's lips tightened - they'd all known it was just a matter of time before that came to light, but it was still horrifying nonetheless. "And... he mentioned his son and that the Dark Lord is getting stronger. He seemed to think it was his fault."

Rowan's stomach churned again. She thought of the handsome young Crouch, now long gone. So Crouch Sr. did regret all that had happened to his son. But the Dark Lord? What had he been victim to all these months?

"And you don't have any guesses as to where he could be now?" asked Sirius.

"Dead."

They all turned to see Moody glowering. Rowan frowned. His entire face seemed to be contorted with rage. Rowan's eyes widened. She hadn't seen the old Auror so filled with anger since the war, and even then, it had been a rare sight specific to battle. What about Crouch had struck such a harsh chord within him?

"We won't find him, no matter how hard we search. That man is dead. Whoever was chasing after him got to him before we could. I'd bet my good leg on it," he growled. Rowan glanced over at Mina, who was frowning deeply at her old mentor. She hadn't spoken at all since arriving, and from the dark look on her face, Rowan could tell she'd probably remain silent for the rest of the meeting. She looked back up at Dumbledore, who was gazing steadily at Moody. Finally, he nodded.

"Yes, I think that's correct. Kingsley and Mina have expanded the search for Bertha as well, but they don't believe that will bear much fruit either. I've been working closely with Rufus Scrimgeour, but he believes it necessary to keep this quiet from the media, at least while the Tournament is still ongoing," he said. Kingsley grimaced but remained silent. Rowan looked between him and Mina again with a heavy frown. They seemed to be deeply troubled about more than just Crouch. Mina had always had mixed feelings about both Scrimgeour and Crouch. Rowan wondered what she thought about Scrimgeour's stance on this.

"So that's it? We're still just going to pretend that Crouch is sick?" asked Aberforth impatiently.

"It's all we can do for now until Fudge makes the public announcement, which won't be until after the tournament is over. It'll cause panic and potential diplomatic issues if word got out that such a high Ministry official went missing at Hogwarts while both Durmstrang and Beauxbatons are there," said Kingsley. Aberforth slumped back in his seat with dissatisfaction painted across his face, though he didn't argue further. Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, unfortunately, all I can ask is that everyone here remain on alert. There is obviously foul play afoot, and I want the few of us who are aware of the entire situation to be prepared to handle or identify anything out of the ordinary, especially as the tournament winds to a close." Rowan's stomach churned. "Foul play" - more like reeking, fetid play.

They spoke further about the extra precautions being taken for the Third Task, but Rowan only retained a little of the information relayed. Her mind was filled with straw-colored hair and manicured moustaches. She thought of her young godson up at the castle, probably still doing his homework in the Gryffindor Common Room. He was safe there, right? The Third Task - she could only hope that these precautions were enough to keep him safe until it was over.

* * *

There were a few soft murmurs as everyone stood and began to leave. Rowan shared a few words with McGonagall with the promise of coming up to the castle for tea soon and then swatted away Aberforth's teasing, hair-mussing hand. The old guard trickled out slowly, but as they spoke quietly amongst themselves, Rowan noticed that Mina was suddenly at her side, pulling on her sleeve with a hard look. Rowan frowned and nodded at the silent message. She looked around discreetly, waiting for the rest to leave.

But then Sirius was there, too, awkward and uneasy. Rowan's entire body tensed as she felt the anxiety roll off of him in waves. Mina bristled beside her, like a cornered animal, eyeing Sirius warily. Off to the side, Rowan caught Remus' eye. He was also watching the estranged couple carefully. He shot Rowan a stiff smile, which she returned. She made a move to join Remus and leave the two alone, but Mina's hand gripped hers strongly, holding her resolutely at the Auror's side. Rowan glanced up at her best friend carefully to see that her gaze was on Sirius, but that the hardness remained. Rowan grimaced slightly and looked up at Sirius with contrition. He gave a small smile to Rowan but then looked back to Mina. Rowan looked away and tried to shut off her ears, but it was difficult to not hear their conversation.

"Hi," said Sirius tinily.

"Hi," responded Mina. Sirius looked as if he might implode on the spot. Rowan's entire mind was a blank slate of screaming. Why was Mina subjecting her to this?

"How... How are you?" he asked. Rowan clenched Mina's hand hard. _Let go of me!_ But Mina's grip remained strong. Rowan made no effort to hide her mortification, head turned, eyes-wide with horror. Remus grimaced with sympathy at her situation.

"I'm fine," Mina said simply. She seemed to rethink her clipped answer for a moment, lips twitching. "A little tired I guess - I've been working a lot. How are you?" The knot in Rowan's stomach released slightly at Mina's gentle tone, though she still maintained the tension in her arm to remind Mina that she didn't wish to be there.

"Good. I'm good - eating better, bathing more," he said, smiling weakly at his own attempt at a joke. Mina's lips twitched upwards slightly, though the stiffness in her face didn't seem to allow for more. "You're working on the protective measures for the tournament, right?" Mina nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be very glad when it's all over. All the diplomatic stuff with the foreign schools isn't my forte," she said. Sirius smiled and nodded. Rowan's tension released slightly again at the sight of Sirius relaxing more and more.

"I'm sure they adore you though," he said. Though he couldn't see it, Rowan rolled her eyes - laying on the compliments a bit heavily, aren't we?

"Actually, it's been pretty terrible. I've been dealing mostly with Karkaroff, and it's been taking all my self-control to not clock him," answered Mina in a deadpan tone. Rowan wanted to smash her face into the wall. Sirius was trying so hard to make an effort and Mina had to bring up former Death Eaters - she had no right to complain about Sirius not meeting her halfway!

Sirius' face seemed to freeze with panic. He obviously didn't know what to say to that. His entire body stilled, eyes glazing over as his mind obviously screamed at him. The seconds ticked by as he groped desperately around for a response, but apparently nothing was coming to him. Rowan looked to Remus again, begging him to come interrupt. He also seemed frozen to the spot, unsure of what to do. He made a jerky move towards them.

"Rowan."

The party jumped and turned quickly to see Dumbledore smiling knowingly at them. Moody and McGonagall stood a distance behind him at the door. Rowan felt that tightness in her chest as she noted the intense stare Moody was giving her. She ran a self-conscious hand through her hair - she probably looked like a mess. She then looked back up at Dumbledore, who was smiling serenely still.

"Thank you for hosting tonight," he said. "It was very gracious of you to offer on such short notice." Rowan shook her head.

"No, it was nothing. I certainly don't mind. It was nice having company for once," she said. Dumbledore nodded and looked over them again with that sweeping embrace of an expression.

"Well, thank you all the same. I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon with the Third Task quickly approaching," he said with a twinkle in his eye. Rowan smiled fondly as she thought of Harry. He was so close to being done with this damn tournament. She wasn't sure which one of them was more excited for a reprieve. Dumbledore nodded, as if reading her mind - Rowan was sure at this point he was a Legilimens.

"And I must say it's wonderful to see you four together again," he said, nodding to the four youngest Order members present. "I can think of few one who else who deserve such second chances." Rowan glanced to Mina and Sirius discreetly, who had both shifted uneasily at the headmaster's words, though he acted as if he hadn't noticed. Rowan smiled.

"Thank you, Professor. It's surreal, isn't it?" she said. Dumbledore's smile deepened.

"It's certainly is. A blessing, if there ever were one - cherish it," he said wisely. Rowan nodded, feeling the tension between her friends again, but she smiled.

"We certainly will," she said, willing the words into not only her heart but also those of Mina, Sirius, and Remus. Dumbledore nodded and made a gesture towards the door.

"Well, this is good night for us old folk. Have a lovely evening, young ones," he said lightly. Rowan nodded.

"Yes, you too, Professor. Be safe getting back to the castle," she said, smirking wryly at her silly words - like Dumbledore ever needed to be told that. He also gave an amused smile but waved them good bye, and with a chime of the door bell, the four were left alone. Rowan glanced up to see Remus standing a bit closer now, but still obviously feeling the tension shared between Mina and Sirius enough to maintain his distance. Rowan turned to him pointedly and gestured to Sirius.

"Why don't you head upstairs and catch up? Makes yourself at home. Sirius knows where everything is," she said firmly. Remus frowned and looked with confusion to Sirius, who also didn't seem to know what to do. Rowan used her free hand to reach out and grab Remus by the sleeve. He looked as if to protest, but Rowan's warm smile silenced him. "Seriously, it's fine. You two should use the time to talk. I need to clean up down here. I'll join you in a bit."

Remus hesitated again, but Rowan remained steadfast. Finally, he relented and nodded, looking to Sirius, who was glancing between him and Mina carefully.

"Come on, Padfoot," he said. Sirius faltered still, looking to Mina. She looked at him hesitantly but then looked away, finally overwhelmed by the tension. Sirius' lips twisted with defeat. Remus gave him a sympathetic smile and guided him up the stairs. Rowan watched them go, pitying the dark-haired man. As their steps faded and then were punctuated with the soft click of her flat door closing. She reared on Mina, eyes blazing. The Auror uncharacteristically winced guiltily.

"Merlin, what's wrong with you?" Rowan hissed, yanking her wrist from Mina's grasp. She massaged it consolingly, now sore from the Auror's tight grip. "Karkaroff? Seriously? You couldn't have talked about the precautionary dragons measures or something instead?" Mina grimaced.

"Sorry, I panicked," she mumbled. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"I couldn't tell," she said sarcastically. Mina gave a weak, contrite smile. Rowan sighed tiredly. Her exhaustion was settling into her again.

"Are you okay?" Rowan asked quietly. Mina's lips twitched slightly, but she nodded.

"Yeah," she said simply. "No," she corrected herself suddenly. Rowan nodded.

"Is it Sirius or Crouch?" she asked knowingly. Mina's lips pursed. There seemed to be something threatening to burst from her mouth. Her face was slightly twisted with effort as she considered her words. Finally, she spoke again.

"Moody," she whispered. Her voice quivered as she spoke, as if afraid that the worst would happen if the words were to solidify. Rowan's eyes narrowed questioningly.

"What about him?"

"I don't know," Mina said breathlessly. Rowan frowned._  
_

"What do you mean, 'You don't know'?" Mina shook her head minutely.

"I don't know. I don't know what I mean. It's just-" she paused, eyes narrowing with frustration. "You've felt it, too, haven't you? He's different, right? Kingsley and I have both noticed it, but I have no idea what it means or what to do about it."

"Did something happen in particular to make you feel this way?" Rowan asked. The very idea was deeply troubling to her, though Mina was right - she _had_ felt it too. But regardless of whatever she did or didn't notice, Mina and Kingsley's intuitions were usually spot-on - it was a requirement of the profession - but to question their old mentor's motives was a serious gesture. Mina shook her head.

"No red flags, but there's just something about the way he speaks, something about his reactions to certain things - it doesn't feel right. I just don't know," she said again. She took a deep breath. "He won't speak to me either."

Rowan frowned deeply. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"He won't meet with me or even hear me out about work or Crouch. The last time he met with me for tea was last summer. I can't think of anything I might have done to warrant his anger, but even if I had, he'd never just ignore me for it. Something has to be wrong!" explained Mina desperately. She seemed to be winding tighter and tighter as she released all of her inner anxieties.

Something churned in Rowan's stomach. Mina had always been one of the rare individuals to earn Moody's full confidence - her, Kingsley, and Dumbledore. The silence between her and her old mentor screamed of something strange. She thought hard back to the few occasions she'd seen them together over the past year and realized she couldn't remember a single time Mina had mentioned seeing Moody or even corresponding with him.

"I'm sorry, Mina," she said quietly. "I can't imagine why he wouldn't be speaking to you. It is really troubling," she said. Mina nodded morosely. "I can't imagine he'll see me if he's not even speaking to you, but I'll try to catch him in his office when I head up to the castle later this week to see McGonagall," she offered weakly. Mina sighed.

"First Sirius, now this - why are all the men in my life so unreliable?" she asked. Rowan smiled sympathetically.

"Moody will come around once this tournament is over. I'm sure he's just on edge," she said, even if she didn't believe it. "And Sirius is an idiot, but unlike Moody, he does want to see you, you know. Maybe you should hear him out better next time?" she suggested. Mina sighed again.

"I want to," she said hesitantly. "But..." she paused. "I don't know. I'm afraid that once I open that can of worms, it'll distract me from my responsibilities. Once the tournament is over, I'll have a chance to breathe. I'll trust myself more to consider Sirius with a level head. I can barely even wrap my head around the fact that he's here at all right now," she said. Rowan nodded. Mina certainly had more urgent matters than Sirius at the moment.

"Have you thought about it at all though?" she urged. Mina shifted uneasily.

"You know I have," she said. Rowan nodded. Mina's lips twisted with frustration. "I'm reserving judgment for now. If he makes a better effort to meet my efforts halfway, then I'll take more time to consider where we stand," she said. Rowan raised a brow.

"What efforts?" she countered. Mina smiled crookedly.

"Point taken," she said. "But you know what I mean. He's not helping me help him, and he hasn't exactly been trying to contact me at all over the past year. It's not like I'm going to go out of my way to seek him out when I'm already doing so much to make sure everyone else _doesn't _seek him out," she reasoned. Rowan couldn't argue with that. She smiled wryly.

"I bet he's upstairs kicking himself for just that right now," she said. Mina did smile shyly at this.

"He's really coming around often, isn't he?" she asked. Rowan cocked her head quizzically. "I can see that you two are getting on again. You must be spending more time with him than I'd thought," she said. Rowan nodded.

"It's hard not to feel close to him again when he's eating all my food and jabbering away all night about rubbish like Chocolate Frog card trivia and hippogriff care," she snorted. Mina let out a loud laugh at this. Rowan smiled at the sound. It was nice to see her friend looking so light, even for a moment.

"I'm glad," said Mina, looking quite relieved. "Maybe it's good he's had just you around. I think he'll really be able to relax and get back to his old self first with you. If it were me, he'd be too concerned about making me happy than focusing on himself and recovering," she said. Rowan smiled and nodded.

She could see the fear still in Mina's eyes at the mentioning of Sirius, but the genuine concern, though guarded, in the Auror was evident. Rowan felt warm with the hope that the trembling hesitant hands of the Auror and her former lover would finally be able to meet halfway eventually. It would just take a little time.

* * *

Remus looked around the bright flat above the apothecary with wandering, curious eyes. There was an ache deep in his chest as his gaze trailed over the sparse room. He had to remind himself again that this was Rowan's space - she lived here, ate here, slept here. But beyond the impressive shelf of books, few photos, and violin tucked into the corner, he could hardly feel her warmth there. He frowned. How strange - everything she'd ever owned before had always given a deep sense of being _hers_ somehow. So why didn't he feel like this was too?

He sighed inwardly and turned back to the dark mop of hair rolling morosely on the table in front of him with a wry smile. His companion wasn't looking well.

"You all right, mate?" he asked. Sirius let out a pathetic groan.

"Why can't I get this right?" he mumbled into the table.

"Get what right?" Remus asked.

"Mina!" Sirius cried, mouth still muffled slightly by the smooth plane of wood. His hands flopped around his head slightly with a smack as they landed again. "I can't do anything right with her! I mean, did you see me? Pathetic!" Remus smirked.

"Weren't you always like that with her?" he asked. Sirius peeked up, cheek now pressed into the table, and glared. Remus shrugged. "It's true. What's so different between now and how you were when we were in school? You're just bigger and uglier now," he said, laughing slightly. Sirius' face twitched, fighting the small smile that threatened to stretch across his face.

"Rowan said that too. Am I really that ugly now?" he said. Remus smiled.

"Hideous," he teased. Sirius grinned sheepishly and sat up, running a tired hand through his hair.

"I was hoping having my hair back would help in that department," he said somewhat nervously. Remus smiled crookedly - a self-conscious Sirius Black. It wasn't a sight he'd seen often, even in their younger days, though he supposed Mina had always had that effect on him.

"Shut up," he said good-naturedly. "You were in Azkaban for twelve years and on the run for two, and you still look better than I do. Stop being thick." Sirius grinned apologetically before looking at him nervously again.

"What do you reckon I should do?" he asked quietly, face straightening soberly again. Remus thought for a moment.

"I don't know, mate. I'm probably the last person you should be asking for relationship advice," he said sheepishly. Sirius dropped his head back down onto the table with another clunk and groan.

"God! I need new friends!" he cried. Remus sighed and slumped back into his seat tiredly. He looked at Remus limply, frowning.

"What about you?" he asked suddenly. Remus frowned.

"What about me?"

"You two are friends again now, right?" Sirius said, implying the dark-haired woman downstairs.

"I guess," he said, shrugging.

In truth, he wasn't quite so sure. Of course, they were friendly again, but _friends_ - that would imply a sense of comfort and intimacy shared between two individuals, right? Was there any of that between them or was it simply a sense of nostalgia?

Sirius frowned. "You guess?" he echoed. Remus smiled.

"Yes, we are," he said, though the doubt remained. "There's still some of that lingering tension I suppose, but I think we'll be back to the old days in no time." Sirius nodded thoughtfully.

"It's amazing how much she's grown up, isn't it? I can hardly believe she's the same person. I feel like a damn kid talking to her sometimes," he laughed. Remus nodded. She certainly had grown a lot - certainly a woman now and not the wide-eyed girl he'd left.

"Same," he said. "You should see her with the kids at the house. My dad and I joined her family for Christmas this year, and it was like seeing her with seven of her own children. She barely stopped moving the entire evening between cleaning and chasing after them. Surreal, really." Sirius smiled amusedly as he thought of their friend.

"She'd make a good mother, wouldn't she?" he noted. Remus felt that strange churning in his stomach again. "She talks about you pretty frequently - seems pleased to have you around again." Remus' eyes widened with surprise, head jerking upward.

"She does?" he said. Sirius smirked.

"Why're you so surprised? Aren't friends supposed to be pleased to see each other?" he jabbed. Remus glared. Sirius let out a single barking laugh and then leaned back thoughtfully again.

"She talks about you a lot actually. I don't think she realizes quite how much," he went on. Remus' eyes widened at this. Sirius shrugged, as if responding to a silent question in his own mind. "I guess there's something to be said about old habits or excitement from reuniting with old friends though. Maybe she's just making up for all the time she wasn't able to talk about you," he mused.

Remus shifted uneasily in his seat. Something rustled at the back of his mind, deep within his consciousness - something he'd been feeling more and more as of late, something he was determined to keep silent. The thought of Rowan speaking happily about him to Sirius in their private conversations was thoroughly unsettling somehow. He had to fight the urge to squirm, to squeeze something to release his anxiety. He could feel it beneath his fingers - something soft, something warm...

He jerked slightly at the sound of the door opening. Both men turned to see a sleepy looking Rowan step into the flat, rubbing at her eyes blearily before shutting the door quietly behind her.

"Hi, g-g-guys," she yawned. She squeezed her eyes once and then blinked the drowsiness away rapidly, allowing a smile to emerge across her face as the two men came into focus again. Remus' stomach lurched as he saw the pink of her cheeks, the curve of her neck as she rubbed it slightly on her walk over to the table. He looked down and realized that his hands were flexed, tense, with the remnants of that momentary trance. That imaginary warmth beneath his fingers, prying and prodding and pulling and squeezing - he knew suddenly what it had been. His ears burned as she sat down next to him, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Did Mina leave?" he asked quickly, determined to throw aside whatever momentary lapse in restraint he'd just felt. What was he, fourteen? Rowan nodded with an apologetic smile towards Sirius, thankfully seemingly unaware of the brief panic in the man beside her.

"Yeah," she said. Sirius slumped into his seat, head falling onto the table morosely again.

"Damn it," he mumbled into the wooden surface. Rowan nodded as she sat down across from him, next to Remus.

"Indeed," she said. Remus snorted. Sirius peeked up at her tinily.

"Did she mention me at all?" he asked. Rowan thought for a moment.

"She did," she admitted. Sirius' face lit up with some hope. "But we talked mostly about Moody, to be honest. I don't think she's quite yet ready to decide what to do with you," she finished. Sirius frowned and sat up.

"Moody?" he asked. Rowan nodded.

"Yeah," she said simply. She thought again. "He's been acting odd recently. It's really bothering her - Kingsley, too. I've noticed it as well. Didn't get a chance to talk to him though," she said. Remus frowned.

"He has been acting strange, hasn't he? I noticed it at the Second Task. He's angrier, almost," he noted. Rowan nodded grimly.

"Yeah, that's the impression I got. Perhaps that attack on his house finally cracked him. He is getting old, after all," she said. She sighed. "Maybe I'll try to stop by his office when I head up to the castle this week for tea with McGonagall." Sirius grimaced.

"I don't understand how you can chat so casually with her. Isn't it weird talking to our Head of House like a peer?" he asked, scrunching up his nose. Rowan shrugged.

"It was a little awkward at first when we were younger, but she's just a colleague now," she said. She smirked at Sirius. "It's probably just weird for you because you were such a brat in school, whereas I was a model student," she jabbed. Sirius glared.

"'Model student' my ass," he retorted. "You were sneaking around the castle after hours nearly as much as Prongs and I were." Rowan smirked.

"Yes, but _I_ never got caught," she said, smirk spreading into a triumphant grin. Sirius groaned and slumped onto the table in defeat, earning a haughty laugh from Rowan. She put a hand to her ear and mimed listening. "Oh ho, what's that? I think it's the sound of 20 years of vindication!" she jeered.

Remus smiled fondly as he watched Rowan gloat at Sirius' whining. He could nearly pretend they were sitting around the Gryffindor house table again, bickering over the details of some silly prank or homework debate. He almost expected James to burst through the door, crowing wildly about some crazy new idea or Quidditch strategy. There was a slight pang of frustration underlying the warmth of the room, however - where was the line separating what had remained the same and what had changed?

Sirius' head popped up again, looking up at Rowan with that hesitant look again. "Mina - is she going with you to see McGonagall?" he asked. Rowan shook her head.

"No, she has to work. And though she gets on with McGonagall, Mina's never really been interested in discussing academia, which is what we usually talk about - me and McGonagall, I mean," she said. She looked at Sirius thoughtfully. "What are you going to do now?" she asked. Sirius grimaced.

"I don't know. I have no idea," he said quietly. "I can't read her at all - does she want to see me or am I just wasting my time?"

"She wants to see you," Rowan said plainly. Sirius scowled.

"Well, she's not doing a good job of showing it." Rowan arched a brow.

"Were you really expecting her to?" she countered. Sirius sighed and rubbed at his jaw.

"No, I suppose not, but it does get tiring having to be the one to make all the first gestures," he said. Rowan snorted.

"Don't lie. You love chasing her," she said. Sirius smiled crookedly.

"You know me so well," he admitted. "She is the only one who ever made me work for it." Rowan rolled her eyes. Sirius paused thoughtfully again. "I'm not sure how I'll be able to get through to her this time though," he said quietly, soberly. Rowan eyed him carefully.

"Well, what do you want from her?" she asked. Sirius frowned.

"What?"

"What do you want from her?" repeated Rowan. "You can't know how to go about your relationship with her if you don't even know what kind of relationship it is." Sirius frowned thoughtfully.

"I-" Sirius sputtered. He stopped, face pulling down hard. His gaze focused hard on an invisible spot in front of him, searching for an answer. Rowan sighed.

"You just want _her_," she answered plainly for him. Sirius continued to frown.

"I-" he started again, "I... Yes," he said plainly. He seemed shocked at his own response. Rowan looked at him with a hard look that he was a very dumb man.

"Well, then what's there to think about?" she said tiredly. Both Sirius and Remus looked at her incredulously. She looked between the two of them with a sort of bored look.

"Seriously?" Remus asked suddenly, breaking from his silence. Rowan just gave him an impatient glare. Sirius frowned. Something about her flippant answer strummed unpleasantly at something in Remus' gut. He leaned forward to argue. "What do you mean? There's tons to think about! Where should I even start?" he pressed onward. Rowan shrugged.

"I don't know why this is so hard for you two to understand. If he loves her, he should do something about it. All this existential mucking around he's been doing is just a waste of time." Remus bristled.

"But how does he know if he loves her? They haven't been together in nearly fourteen years," he countered. Sirius nodded at this. Rowan rolled her eyes. The derisive gesture stoked an angry fire in Remus' belly.

"He won't know until he tries though, will he? Sitting back and pondering over what might or might not be different isn't going to help anything. And Mina's not a patient woman. It's been fourteen years for her too, you know. If he keeps this up, she's going to finally get tired of waiting and decide that whatever they had is gone once and for all," she said with narrowed, frustrated eyes. Remus realized vaguely that they were arguing as if Sirius weren't even there - how had he diverted this conversation towards himself? Rowan seemed to sense this and turned to Sirius again. He watched her carefully. "You've already lost fourteen years to things you couldn't control. Don't you think you should try to affect the things you _can_ control before you lose anymore time?" she said. As if to punctuate her little speech, she closed her eyes and slumped back into her chair with a great sigh, hands folding in her lap. The gesture was like a final flourish.

Remus stared dumbly at her. How could she look at this in black and white? There were so many subtleties and nuances to Mina and Sirius' relationship, so many years of developed intimacy and then even more cuts and tears that had dissolved into uneven frayed edges. Rowan seemed to read his mind again.

"I know a lot of things have changed over the years. Mina's different, you're different, circumstances are different, but even if you two aren't compatible anymore, you won't know until you try, right? And if you don't try, won't you regret it? You've waited all this time to see her. Why are you bitching out now?" she said. Her eyes remained closed, face turned up towards the ceiling.

Sirius frowned thoughtfully at this, sitting up straight now, back erect and eyes narrowed with focus. Remus looked between them, bewildered. Sirius nodded slowly, despite the fact that Rowan couldn't see him. Remus' breath slipped from his lungs for a moment as he realized the frightening truth.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed softly. His lips twitched upwards sadly into a small smile. He laughed softly and slumped back into his chair as well. "I'm always making her wait, aren't I?"

Remus stared silently at his two companions, both limp and tired, faces slack. Sirius' eyes were open and wide, accepting of the realization he'd just come to. Rowan looked as if she could fall asleep at any moment, though Remus could still feel a strange charge from her. Thirteen years apart - had she really changed so much during that time that he could barely recognize her logic now? He looked over her tired face and noted again that, despite the few lines at her eyes and a few strands of gray hair peppered into her dark locks, she still looked very much the same like the Rowan he'd always known. But then he assessed her easy posture, rewound their conversation and realized breathlessly...

Was he the only one who had remained the same?

Rowan looked up at the clock tiredly. Her eyes fluttered at the sight of the time - well past 1 o'clock. She looked to Remus and Sirius.

"Okay, I'm going to bed. You two can stick around as long as you like, but I will be asleep," she said, standing from the table. She paused and looked to Sirius. "You crashing here tonight? I just got some bacon from the market for breakfast if you're interested," she said. Sirius' face lit up.

"Fuck yeah," he said greedily. She snorted and then turned to Remus. The frustration in her face from their brief argument - if he could even call it that - was gone. The warmth of her smile knocked him off balance for a moment.

"You're welcome to stay as well. You know I sleep like the dead, so you two can talk however long you want," she said generously. Remus' chest tightened at the thought of Rowan curling up in the bed in the corner, wrapping herself in those white sheets and then seeing her sleepy face in the bright morning light. Everything in him screamed that he needed to leave. He shook his head and stood as well.

"Thank you, but I wouldn't want to put you out. I need to get back anyway - you know how my dad worries," he said. Rowan nodded. He wanted to say she looked disappointed, but he was sure he'd just imagined it. Rowan moved to walk him to the door, but Sirius stood quickly.

"Don't worry about it, Winnie. You get ready for bed. I'll see him out and lock up downstairs," he said. Rowan eyed him warily.

"Okay," she relented, "but go downstairs as Snuffles. You never know who's outside, and I think I left the blinds open." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes, mother. Get going," he said, shoving her to the bathroom. She stumbled slightly and shot him a scowl. He grinned before looking over at Remus. "Ready?" Remus nodded, and Sirius hunched awkwardly, shifting downward into a large black dog. He panted happily and nodded to him to lead the way.

"Good night, Remus," Rowan called softly as he reached the door. He glanced back to see her head poking out from the bathroom, a soft smile on her lips. He smiled back. The confusion in his heart remained, but at the sight of that familiar warmth, it seemed completely irrelevant, at least for that moment.

"Good night, Winnie."


	27. The End of Spring

**A/N: **Having a hard time figuring out where to inject Ginny. She's a pretty important character in the great scheme of things, but I haven't involved her as much as I should have.

**SMGF1:** Eheh, definitely old feelings. Thank you as always!

**Marylin C.: **Hello! You're definitely reading my mind with the comic relief. A bit of both the twins and Aari in this one, though the twins don't actually show up in person I suppose. There will be some more laughs in a few chapters after the darker stuff gets out of the way. I'll start working on Ch. 4 right away! I hope you're doing well! Thanks for the kind review! :]

**missalex3030:** Haha I was actually debating what to do with Sirius. I think I've made up my mind, but I'll leave it as a surprise. I'm so glad you like the Order stuff. I always wondered what went on during their meetings since they seemed completely in the dark regarding Dumbledore's plans as well. Remus and Rowan will start progressing soon, I promise! Slowly, slowly...

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**June 3, 1995**

_ROWAN!_

_Thanks so much for helping us with the daydream formula! The ashwinder eggs really did the trick we think! They were mighty hard to procure though. I don't know why we didn't think to just ask you for them, but by the time it occurred to us to just stop by and buy them off of you, we'd already bought an entire crate full from some shady catalog we'd found at the Hog's Head. Thick, we are, but the daydream charms seem to be just about ready for commercial use! Fred tested it out just yesterday, in History of Magic even! Spent the entire lecture drooling over some disgustingly shameless fantasy about Angelina Johnson that we won't go into detail over. You're welcome. We lucked out and got the dosage down just right too it seems, though we'll have to test it out on someone smaller. _

_Ignore that last sentence. No children have been tested on in the making of this product. We swear!_

_Anyway, we're looking to be ready to start selling some good stuff next year, and if we can manage to get enough gold saved up by the time we graduate, we reckon we can start our own shop right away! We'll admit that our studying has taken a bit of a back seat since we've gotten so into the daydream mixtures, but we're smart blokes, right? We'll sort it out. _

_Dunno if we'll have time to stop by during our last Hogsmeade trip, but we reckon we'll see you a lot over the summer, right? Better start dusting off your broomstick! We want to play a lot of Quidditch over the holiday!_

_YOURS TRULY OF COURSE,_

_Gred and Forge_

* * *

**Chapter 26: The End of Spring**

I.

It was a bright day in Hogsmeade, warm and sweet and yellow. It was the 8th of June and the last Hogsmeade visit of the year for the Hogwarts students. The sound of giddy students rang throughout the streets with the shouts of shopkeepers sprinkled over. Rowan hummed softly along with her record player as she wiped down the front counter. She already knew to expect a visit from Harry - the first time she'd seen him since March. She knew she'd probably have to answer some questions from him regarding Barty Crouch Jr., but despite the dread of that topic, she was excited to see him again, amazed that it'd been so long since his last visit. She smiled a bit to herself - things had really changed for the better, hadn't they? Just the year before, she'd been horrified to find out he'd discovered that she even existed, and now it seemed odd that it'd been two months since she'd last seen him at all.

She took a step back from the counter and assessed her work with satisfaction. The bright spring sun gleamed off of its shining surface prettily, almost blindingly. The windows were open, allowing the warm breeze to flow in softly. She hoped the weather would remain at this comfortable point for a little longer, knowing that it would soon be sticky with summer again.

In the distance, Rowan heard a couple of familiar approaching voices, chattering excitedly. She smiled. She recognized those chiming tones. Turning to the window, she saw a mop of shiny black hair and fiery red. They looked in and saw her and both grinned, running to the door.

"Hi, Rowan!" exclaimed the redhead, colliding into her, earning a grunt. Her brown eyes gleamed excitedly as she pulled away. Rowan grinned and noted that she was now the same height.

"What can I do for you girls?" she asked. They both grinned.

"Did you get my letter?" asked Aari Farago, bouncing up to Ginny Weasley's side.

"Ah, yes, that," Rowan said, smiling crookedly. "You're here about an interview, right?" Ginny nodded eagerly.

"Yeah, have you thought it over at all?" she asked.

"I have, but I haven't made a decision yet," Rowan said. She nodded to the stools across from her, and the two girls sat down. "I don't mind, but I want to ask Remus and Harry first. It's not just my story." Aari nodded eagerly.

"We wrote to Remus too, and he said he's okay with it if you are," she said.

Rowan nodded thoughtfully. She should have written to him as soon as she'd gotten Aari's letter, but she'd put it off and put it off until it'd completely slipped her mind. She hadn't seen Remus since the unofficial Order meeting a couple of weeks before and noted with gnawing concern that he hadn't come in for his dose of Wolfsbane potion the day before. The full moon was the following week, and she'd seen all of her regular patients except for him.

He couldn't be sick - Lyall would have come for it if he were. That could only mean that he was avoiding her, right? She thought back to their intense exchange about Sirius and Mina with an inward grimace. Had it been about Sirius and Mina? No, she knew there was more to it than that, and she was mortified that she'd allowed herself to jab at Remus in her exhaustion-fueled crankiness. But really, he'd been the one to instigate the tiny spat, hadn't he? She'd just been offering her opinion, and he'd turned it into a debate. Sure, she'd responded shortly, but he'd certainly been the one to push her.

She sighed, pushing thoughts of Remus away. He was a grown adult and a responsible individual. If he wasn't coming to her for the Wolfsbane, he was surely going somewhere else for it. He wasn't her responsibility anymore. She smiled at Ginny and Aari.

"Well, if Remus is okay with it... We can start now I guess, but nothing gets published if Harry doesn't like it," she said. Aari's face lit up excitedly.

"Yes, yes, yes! Thank you, Rowan!" she squealed. Rowan laughed softly and shook her head, moving back to the other side of the counter. Ginny and Aari both practically hopped onto their stools. Ginny then pulled out a notebook with a long list of questions. Aari took out her own with a quill to transcribe.

"Okay, I guess to start: when did you and Remus meet?" asked Ginny crisply.

"We met on our second day of school... in the Great Hall," Rowan said thoughtfully. "He and James were roommates, so I met him through James at breakfast. He was so tiny back then." She smiled faintly at the memory.

"Details, details!" Aari exclaimed. Rowan frowned, earning a glare from the gangly girl. She pointed her quill at Rowan imperiously. "I can see you remembering something specific from that day. Facts are much more interesting with the anecdotal stories behind them! Context, woman!" Rowan rolled her eyes.

"It was just breakfast - nothing groundbreaking," she said, but Aari and Ginny both leaned forward eagerly. Rowan sighed and scratched at her chin thoughtfully. "Fine, I guess I came downstairs with my roommates to the Great Hall, but I ditched them as soon as I saw James. His tie was done wrong - I remember that. He called me over to where he was at the table, where he practically shouted introductions at me to Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. I honestly didn't think much of either of them - I wasn't exactly interested in boys back then. I'd already met Sirius on the train the day before. I didn't like him at first. He made some rude comment about my scratched up knees or something, and I tore out a few strands of his hair in retaliation. All we did was bicker for the first few weeks we knew each other."

Ginny's eyes widened. "Sirius Black, you mean? So you _were_ friends," she urged. Rowan shifted uneasily. She'd grown so used to having Sirius around again that she'd forgotten that the rest of the world still thought he was a murderer, even Ginny.

"Yeah, erm, can you strike that from the records? I can go into more detail about him later, but I don't want him to be a part of this story. I feel like it'll distract people from the real point of it," she said. Aari nodded.

"Yeah, you're right. We'll explore that further at a later date," she said, striking out Sirius' name from her notes. She looked back up at Rowan again with a crooked smirk. "You tore out his hair?" she asked amusedly. Rowan grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah, well, if he called you an 'ugly man-child,' you'd pull it out too," she retorted. Ginny and Aari laughed. Rowan smiled as she thought of her volatile friendship with the black-haired man during the first couple of years. It'd taken her months to get used to Sirius' rudeness and nearly a year to explain to him how much his harsh words hurt other people's feelings to the point where he stopped calling her mean names. He'd still bullied everyone else though, much to her dismay.

Aari opened her mouth to ask another question, but then there was a chime at the door. All three looked up to see Harry and Ron walk in, faces lighting up at the sight of them. Rowan caught a slight blush dust across Ginny's cheeks from the corner of her eye, though she smiled still. She'd known about the Weasley's crush on her godson for several years now, but she was surprised Ginny still hadn't moved past it. Poor girl - Harry seemed completely disinterested. At least Ginny seemed to have relaxed a bit around him.

"Hey, what're you two doing here?" asked Ron.

"We're having an intimate conversation with Rowan, Weasley. Butt out!" retorted Aari. Ron glared hotly at the younger girl, but she spun back on Rowan, who smiled awkwardly at the two boys. "So like I was saying before - you and Remus met in your First Year, so when did you start dating?" she asked bluntly. Rowan grimaced slightly at the confused expressions on Harry and Ron's faces. She sighed.

"Um, me and Remus... We were more like casual friends at first - we hung out mostly because of James. I guess we really became friends our Third Year, which is when I figured out he was a werewolf, and then started dating our... Sixth Year? Yeah, our Sixth Year, in November," she said.

"How did he ask you out? Or did you ask _him_ out?" Ginny asked eagerly, a teasing grin spreading across her face. Rowan grimaced a bit.

"Uh... hmm... I don't really know," she said awkwardly. All four teenagers frowned. "I guess he asked me out? I don't know. We were in detention together polishing trophies, and it just sort of came up." Her stomach churned at the memory of her being unceremoniously pulled into his lap amidst the piles of rags and polish and the pressure of his mouth on hers - their first kiss. She couldn't tell them that though!

She looked up to see the four gazing intensely at her. Both Aari and Ron were leaning forward ardently for her to continue, but Harry and Ginny looked uncomfortable. Surely, Harry wasn't eager to hear about his godmother's sexual partners. He looked like he'd swallowed something unpleasant. Ginny's face was now a light shade of red, eyes averting with embarrassment away from Harry.

"We should go!" blurted Ginny suddenly. Aari stared incredulously at her.

"What? But we're just getting to the good stuff! And Harry's here too! This is the perf-" she protested, only to yelp with surprise as Ginny grabbed her wrist and yanked her towards the door.

"Sorry for bothering you, Winnie! Let us know when the next best time for you is!" Ginny shouted back. Rowan nodded with confusion and waved as they shot out onto the street. Aari's muffled whines could be heard from outside but then faded away as Ginny guided them back to the castle. Rowan smiled tiredly and turned back to Harry and Ron, who both looked very lost.

"What was that about?" Ron asked. Rowan sighed and scratched at her chin.

"Hm, I guess that's a good question - perfect time to ask you since you're here," she said looking to Harry. He frowned. "They want to do an article for that new school paper of theirs with me and Remus - something to clear the air after that venomous article Skeeter wrote about us and my relationship with you," she said. Harry and Ron both glowered.

"That bitch," spat Ron. "She's such a pain in the ass, like she doesn't have anything better to do with her time than torment Harry! Did you know that even my mum believed all the crap she wrote about him and Hermione?" Rowan frowned.

"You're kidding," she said. Ron shook his head with an "I know, right?" expression. Rowan sighed and rolled her eyes. "Blimey, your mum is gullible. I'm always telling her to be skeptical of the things she reads, but she's just too trusting. She knows better now though, right?" Ron shook his head.

"No, I keep forgetting to write to her. She's probably pretty mad at me for how long it's been since my last letter, actually," he said. Rowan hummed thoughtfully.

"Well, I should stop by at the Burrow sometime soon anyway. It's been a while since I've had lunch with your mum. I'll set her straight," she said. Ron looked slightly relieved that he wouldn't have to be the one to correct his mother.

"So what do you think?" she asked Harry. He frowned.

"About what?" Rowan glared.

"The article - the one Ginny and Aari want to write," she said. Harry shrugged.

"What about it?" Rowan stared incredulously at him.

"Should I do it?" she asked. Harry frowned with confusion.

"Why wouldn't you?" he asked. Rowan reached across the counter and smacked him on the forehead. He grunted with confusion at the light impact of her hand.

"Because it involves you too, stupid!" she retorted. Harry glared at her.

"Barely. Skeeter just used my name to get onto a headline. The real subjects of the article are you two," he said. "And even if it were about me, of course I'd want you to set the story straight. What's there even to discuss?"

Rowan stared hard at her godson, who held her gaze with a hint of annoyance. That look - she'd seen it so many times. She shook her head incredulously and let out a small exhaling laugh. Indeed - what was there to discuss? She should have known his answer already. She smiled warmly at Harry and then looked between him and Ron.

"Where's Hermione?" she asked. Ron rolled his eyes.

"In the library researching house elves for her stupid S.P.E.W. or whatever," he said. Rowan frowned.

"For what?"

"The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare," recited Ron and Harry mechanically. Rowan rolled the thoughts over in her head.

"Oh, is this because of that incident with Crouch's elf?" she asked. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, Winky - she's been really upset about it since the World Cup, and after seeing her fall apart here, Hermione's really taken it seriously," he said. Rowan frowned.

"Wait, the house elf? Here?" she asked confusedly. Harry nodded.

"Dumbledore hired her and Dobby to work in the castle with the other house elves, with salaries and everything, but Winky is still a right mess about Crouch and getting sacked," he said. Rowan frowned again.

"Dobby? Wait, you need to explain who all these characters are. I'm lost," she said. Harry grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, I forgot you haven't met Dobby. He used to be the Malfoys' house elf but got accidentally sacked at the end of my second year after Mr. Malfoy found out he'd been helping me with the Heir of Slytherin mystery. Since then, he's been working at the castle. He's the one who got me the gillyweed. He's happy about being a free elf though, unlike Winky," he explained. Rowan's eyes widened with understanding, head nodding.

"Oh... he's the one with the socks," she said. Ron nodded.

"Yeah, he's nuts about them. You should see him - wearing every single hat and sock he owns all at once. He's a weirdo even by elf standards," he said. Rowan laughed.

"He certainly sounds like a very unique house elf. I don't think I've ever heard of one who _wanted_ to be free," she said thoughtfully.

"That's what I've been telling Hermione! But she's convinced they're all brainwashed and just don't know any better! She's even been trying to _force_ their freedom on them by leaving socks and hats around for them in the Common Room, so of course they don't want anything to do with her!" exclaimed Ron indignantly. Rowan frowned. Forcing freedom on the house elves - that didn't seem like the right way to go about her mission. She thought of all the backlash she'd received in her younger years for trying to force her opinions onto her patients and onto Remus. She cringed inwardly with shame at her own selfishness, her lack of empathy.

"Well, Hermione will learn. She's a smart girl. Her heart is in the right place at least," she said. Perhaps she and Hermione had much more in common than she'd originally thought.

"Do you think she's doing the right thing?" Harry asked. Rowan frowned thoughtfully.

"I think the idea of equal opportunities for all magical beings that partake in human society should be an institutional norm, but that's not something you can just force upon anyone, wizard or elf or centaur or whatever. I imagine those changes will happen eventually - I know there's a bill in the Ministry House floor being presented soon about Goblin legal status that is bound to get some traction, at least in the community dialogue - but it's all very gradual. Change doesn't happen overnight and it certainly doesn't happen just because policymakers say it should. It has to get footing at a grassroots level first and permeate. Hermione just needs to be patient," she said.

Ron nodded fiercely. Rowan smiled with some exasperation. She had a feeling Ron was going to try to lecture Hermione on this later but screw it up. She supposed she ought to keep an eye out for an either angry or teary-eyed Hermione soon.

"So is that all that's been going on recently? Just this house elf thing?" she asked. Ron frowned and looked at Harry, who hesitated, glancing up at Rowan nervously. She frowned and waited for him to ask whatever question he was obviously dying to voice.

"Have you ever used a Pensieve before?" he asked finally. Rowan nodded.

"I have one of my own," she said. Harry's eyes widened.

"Really?" he breathed. "What do you use it for?" Rowan smiled amusedly.

"What does anyone use one for? Storing memories, of course," she said. Harry smiled sheepishly. This was half-true, she supposed. Really, the small vials in her basement weren't so much for the preservation of her memories but rather the preservation of her sanity - most of those memories were simply too heavy to bear all the time. She felt lighter, happier without most of them. "Why do you ask?"

"I fell into Dumbledore's Pensieve," Harry said. Rowan frowned.

"You _fell?_" she asked. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, when I was in Dumbledore's office I saw it open, and before I knew it, I was sort of falling into one of his memories," he explained. Rowan smirked.

"You mean after snooping around, you wound up way in over your head," she said. Harry grinned sheepishly. Rowan thought curiously.

"What did you see?" To her surprise, Harry shifted almost guiltily. He looked up at her with hesitation.

"I saw... Barty Crouch - the younger one," he said. Rowan nodded knowingly. There was a flicker of annoyance in her gut as she thought back to Sirius' defiant declaration that he'd told Harry about her friendship with Barty, but she pushed it away.

"And you wanted to ask me about him," she continued. Harry nodded.

"Sirius said you were friends before... well, before he got caught," he said. Rowan nodded thoughtfully. So it seemed Sirius had only given him a portion of the story. Should she tell him the rest? Her throat tightened slightly. Would he think poorly of her?

"How did you meet?" he asked. Rowan sighed. It seemed she couldn't avoid telling him after all.

"Our fathers were mates through work - higher ups, Pureblood families... we all sort of knew each other in one way or another," she said. "I met him when we were young a couple of times but nothing more than a few casual conversations here and there. Your dad and I didn't really care about other children, and he was two years behind us, so I didn't really talk to him until after we graduated. He first approached me with his dad at my father's funeral," she said. Ron stared incredulously at her.

"Your dad's funeral? That's so rude!" he exclaimed. Rowan shrugged.

"It might've been in poor taste, but it made sense. Crouch was heading the investigation regarding Master Belby's death, so it was the opportune moment for him to speak to me. He was technically leading the one around my father's death as well, but that didn't require much - my dad took down the five Death Eaters who attacked him whereas the Death Eater who accompanied Karkaroff was still at large," she said darkly. "So Crouch approached me at the reception after my father's service to ask me for further assistance in the search for this missing Death Eater, and well..." She paused, frowning. How should she explain this? Every way she approached it in her mind made her sound conniving and two-faced. She grimaced. Wasn't she though?

"What happened?" Harry urged quietly. Rowan sighed.

"Well, I'm sure you know about Crouch's policies by now - he was a harsh, controversial leader. He fought violence with violence, but he wasn't above making under the table deals with lower grunts in order to get to the big criminals, even if it meant letting certain characters off easy," she said. Harry's face melted with understanding.

"You were scared he'd let Karkaroff go," he said. Rowan nodded.

"And obviously in the end, he did, but at the time, Karkaroff's fate was still in question, and I wanted to make sure he never saw the light of day again," she said darkly, glowering. Harry stared hard at her, questioning. This was it - there was no avoiding this.

"I struck a deal with Crouch - if Crouch gave me priority when considering Karkaroff's conviction, I'd let his son court me publicly. After I agreed to that, he was more than happy to listen to my requests," she said. Harry's eyes widened.

"Seriously? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" he said. Ron nodded fervently in agreement. Rowan shook her head.

"No, this is actually quite a normal priority for the older pureblood families, and for a man as ambitious as Crouch, marrying his son off to the right girl from the right family was a big check off his list. And though I've obviously removed myself from that world since then, a marriage between the Crouches and Delacroixs? It'd have been the power union of the decade," she said dryly.

Harry and Ron stared with awe. He'd obviously never considered the politics between pureblood families. Rowan sighed. It'd been so long since she'd thought of it, but there'd been a time when she'd seriously considered entering such a marriage for convenience's sake. She tried to imagine herself with Barty Crouch. Perhaps in an alternate reality, they were married with children. Perhaps in that world, she was also at the Ministry. Perhaps they were happy together. The entire picture was absurd.

"But what about Lupin?" piped up Ron. Rowan frowned with confusion. "Weren't you with him already?" She shook her head.

"No, we were broken up at that point. We got back together again at the end of that year, but at the time, my only concerns were work and getting revenge for my master and father," she said bluntly. Harry nodded.

"So you made a deal to go out with Barty. Did you two actually go out or was it just an act?" he asked insightfully. Rowan smiled dryly.

"We went out on dates I guess, but there was an explicit agreement between us that it was just for show. Barty wanted his father off his back, and I wanted an in with the investigation. It was a win-win for both of us - on paper, at least."

"Snuffles said he was using you though... to get to the Order," he said quietly. Rowan's mouth tightened thoughtfully.

"I wonder," she breathed. Harry's brows furrowed. "It certainly seems that way, and though I'm sure that was part of it, a small part of me believes we actually could've been friends under different circumstances," she said. Harry's eyes narrowed. She smiled softly. "I know I sound like a nutter, but there really were moments when I think he genuinely enjoyed my company. We had similar upbringings and senses of humor. I think we understood each other in a strange way. Even towards the end when we both knew what the other was, there were still moments when I think we both wished otherwise," she said wistfully. She thought of the lanky, handsome young man with his straw-colored hair and easy smile. Had he been scared when he died? Had he regretted what he'd done? She wanted to believe so, even after all this time.

"He was really young... when he was sent to Azkaban," Harry remarked quietly. Rowan nodded.

"Just turned twenty, " she confirmed. Harry nodded.

"He tortured the Longbottoms," he said. Rowan smiled grimly.

"So you saw that too, huh?" Harry nodded.

"I saw the Wizengamot trial. I had no idea," he said.

"Yeah, Neville's in our house and year! And he's a coward. It's hard to believe his parents were Aurors," said Ron. Rowan nodded.

"Yes, Remus has mentioned Neville a few times. He sounds very different from his parents," she said with a light smile. "Yeah, it's hard to believe Barty did that to them. I can't explain how confusing and horrifying it was to see them and find out it was because of him. Well, him and the Lestranges," she added darkly.

"I saw them too - the Lestranges, I mean. The woman was really terrifying," he said. Rowan smiled bitterly.

"Bellatrix," she spat. Harry frowned with some surprise at the hateful tone. "She was the worst out of all them - a completely different level of insanity. I think she's survived all this time in Azkaban from a sheer lack of human consciousness." Harry's eyes widened.

"You fought her?" he asked. He and Ron leaned forward. Rowan grimaced, aware of the corner she was backing herself into again.

"It's hard to avoid someone like that in war when she thrives on battle," she said vaguely. Harry was leaning forward, jaw set now with concentration. The expression was unnerving. Rowan frowned.

"She killed a lot of people," he said. Rowan nodded warily.

"She did." Ron looked between them nervously, aware of the strange static emanating from Harry. Rowan watched him carefully.

"Sirius said he killed people during the war, too. You did too, didn't you?" he said lowly. Rowan's eyes narrowed harshly. Images of a slender man with straw-colored hair flashed at the back of her mind. His voice was low and searching. She shoved it back violently.

"It's 'Snuffles,' Harry," she retorted automatically. Harry frowned. Rowan felt a sudden flare of anger for the first time at her godson. Whatever curiosity he had about the war was venturing into inappropriate territory, somewhere dark. "And even if we did, that's none of your business," she said crisply. She shot him a hard look. "War is not a thing of glory or pride, and it's disrespectful to the victims who fell during it to treat it that way."

The darkness in Harry's face suddenly seemed to lift. He leaned back, blinking with some confusion, as if woken from a spell. Rowan eyed him carefully. He seemed aware of his surroundings, just thoroughly confused by his own actions. He seemed to take in her chastising seriously, contritely. She released a quiet, relieved breath. Curiosity and misunderstanding of war was fine. He was just a teenager boy, after all - the typical angry young man, if there ever was one. She realized, however, that she'd have to watch him as the coming dark events unfolded. She'd probably have to watch Ron, too. A thirst for justice and an angry voice could turn anyone into either a Barty Crouch Sr. or a Richard Delacroix, and she was determined to ensure that these two boys didn't lose themselves to self-righteousness.

"Sorry," said Harry stiffly. Rowan nodded and offered a gentle smile.

"It's okay. I understand you're curious about the war. It's natural considering your relationship with it," she said. He nodded contritely. "But the war is a delicate topic for all of us who fought in it. If you want to discuss Snuffles' role in the war, you should ask him about it. And he has every right not to want to tell you, as do I," she said, looking between the two boys. They both nodded gravely.

Rowan sighed and slumped back slightly. She looked up at the clock on the wall and frowned.

"You two should head back up to the castle. It's getting late," she said, noting the time - nearly 5 o'clock.

"What? But it's still light out!" Ron whined. Rowan glared.

"I don't care. There's obviously someone out there making Ministry officials disappear, and until we catch him, I don't want you two wandering around in the dark," she said. Both boys glowered but stood from their stools.

"I don't know who's worse - you or Snuffles," Harry muttered petulantly. Rowan blew a raspberry at him and stood to follow them to the door. As they turned to her to say goodbye, still quiet and pensive from the heavy conversation, Rowan smiled gently at them.

"Don't be so hard on yourselves. I'd be a hypocrite for expecting you two to understand the implications of the war when we've never discussed it with you. It's a lot to wrap one's head around. Don't think too much about it," she said encouragingly. They nodded. She assessed them with satisfaction - they were good kids. She then pulled them both forward into a strong embrace. She noted with a dull ache that Ron was nearly a head taller than she was, and even Harry's head was now at least a few inches higher than hers. She breathed deeply.

_James, do you see how much your son has grown?_

She pulled back and smiled brightly at them. They both smiled back stiffly but pleasurably, the guilt falling away. Ron's hair seemed to be alight with the low sun, glowing brightly in the orange light.

"Be good and be careful. And don't give Hermione a hard time about the house elf thing. Just offer some suggestions and let her figure out the rest for herself, okay?" she said. They nodded and turned for the door. Ron took a step out, but Harry turned back, glancing at Rowan hesitantly. She looked at him expectantly, and he moved towards her quickly once more, swooping her into a strong embrace. She squeaked slightly with surprise but then smiled and hugged him back. With one final squeeze, he pulled away and shot her one more contrite look.

"Sorry, Rowan. I was... I shouldn't have pried," he said quietly. Rowan smiled and placed a hand on his head gently. She felt a strange pang of relief at the realization that he still had no facial hair - still not yet a man, despite his urges to grow up so quickly.

"It's okay, Harry," she said kindly. "One day when you're older, I'll be ready to tell you these things, but it'll take me some time. Perhaps I'll even let you fall into my Pensieve to see some of my old memories, too." She smiled warmly at the slow grin that spread on his face at the idea. To see memories of his parents when they were alive - he could hardly wait. Rowan released him and gave him another shove towards the door. Harry paused again, though, and looked back.

"This is the last time I'll see you... before the Third Task, that is," he said. Rowan frowned. Was it really so late in the year already? She realized dumbly that the end of the school term was nearly upon them. A strange sense of dread washed over her lightly. She looked hard at her godson. He looked uneasy as well. She gave him a soft smile, despite her own doubts.

"Hey, don't look so glum. The tournament is almost over, and we'll have the entire summer together," she said encouragingly. "And if you really need to see me, just let me know, and I'll come up to the castle, okay? No sneaking out though," she added warningly. Harry smiled crookedly and nodded.

"Okay," he agreed. She smiled.

"Okay, get on now. And keep me informed, okay?" she called after them as they started for the castle. Rowan could see clumps of other students also making their way back up the hill. They waved goodbye as they ran up the street. She smiled as she watched their lanky forms retreat farther and farther away, heading up to the large castle above the town.

They were still children. She comforted herself with the thought. Even if war was coming again, they wouldn't need to truly know it for at least another couple years. She could only hope that she could protect them from it for that long. She hoped that the gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach was just nervousness about the Third Task. She'd finally be able to rest easy once this tournament was over.

* * *

II.

"Fuck!"

Claire Verloren winced and glanced down the lab bench to see her master swatting wildly around her face with one hand. The other held a beaker of bubbling clear yellow potion. Her face was twisted into a snarl.

"Mosquito?" Claire asked weakly. Rowan growled.

"How are they already out? It's not even summer yet!" she barked. Claire grimaced sympathetically and saw two large red welts beginning to form on Rowan's forearm already. She knew her master dreaded the sticky summer months, but she hated the mosquitoes most of all, having a penchant for getting bitten at nearly every turn. "Sweet blood," Stewart called it.

Finally, Rowan whipped out her wand. Claire recoiled as she jabbed it up into the air and shouted, "_Percutio!"_ Claire shrieked as she felt a jolt of hot electricity snap at her skin lightly. A flash of tiny hairline bolts shot from Rowan's wand around her blindingly. She let out a triumphant shout and slammed the beaker on the bench as she looked down at the counter where four mosquitoes were now twitching and scattered limply. A few strands of Rowan's hair stood on end from her bun from the remaining charge in the room as if she'd rubbed a balloon to it. Claire could swear she saw the end of one flicker.

"Got you, motherfuckers," Rowan snarled. She swept them grandly onto the floor and then grinned maniacally to herself before turning to see her apprentice. Her grin melted a bit contritely at the sight of Claire's horrified face.

"Sorry," she chuckled. Claire let out a nervous laugh.

"Did you get them?" Rowan nodded.

"I should just invest in one of those hanging pest lamps - the ones with the shock spell in them. I wouldn't have to scare you half to death every other night that way," she said. Claire nodded in agreement. It would certainly be much less frightening than having her master intermittently conducting potentially explosive spells around the lab.

"I'll pick one up tomorrow," she said. Rowan beamed.

"Ah, you're the best," she said happily. Claire smiled pleasurably at her master's praise. Rowan then turned back to the beaker she'd put down and the smoking cauldron in front of her. Claire sighed and looked down at the iterations of potion and their corresponding notes. Her stomach churned with nerves. Now would be the best time to bring up the past day's events, right?

"Remus showed up at the London shop yesterday and today," said Claire. Rowan frowned and looked up again.

"Remus did?" she echoed. Claire nodded.

"Yeah, I thought it was weird. I hadn't seen him in nearly a year. He's been coming to you for the Wolfsbane all this time, hasn't he?" she asked. Rowan nodded.

"He has. I was worried when he didn't show up. Did he get anything else?" Claire shook her head.

"No, just the Wolfsbane. He seemed in a hurry, but he didn't have any other parcels or anything," she said hesitantly. She stole a glance up at her master. "Did something... did something happen?" she asked tinily.

Rowan frowned thoughtfully. Claire had been wondering for months as to the dynamic between her master and the mysterious lycanthrope. They were obviously not together, but Rowan had seemed more cheerful as of late. She supposed she could also contribute this to Harry Potter's renewed presence in the Potion Master's life - she'd finally explained the general gist of their relationship, much to Claire's delight. It seemed that she was left in the dark even more now that Rowan was working in the new branch and greatly missed her master's daily company.

"I'm not sure," she finally said to Claire. "We didn't row or anything, but a heavy part of our past was brought up the last time he was here. Maybe it's made him a little uncomfortable," she thought out loud. Claire's brow furrowed questioningly, but Rowan didn't elaborate further. Claire tried to push away the disappointment. Rowan smiled wryly. "Well, I guess you'll just have to deal with him until he pulls out whatever's crawled up his ass," she joked. Claire snorted ungracefully. She and Rowan giggled softly together.

"You two are getting on though in general," Claire urged. Rowan nodded.

"Yeah, we've been good. It's been a little strange having him around again so often, but it's nice, kind of like the old days," she said with a warm smile. Claire couldn't help but return it. "And what about you? How's your social life going?" she asked. Claire smiled sheepishly.

"What social life?" Rowan shot her a reproachful look.

"Oh, come on. Aren't you interested in dating or socializing at all?" Claire blushed awkwardly. She had a few friends from Hogwarts she still kept in touch with, but as for dating, there was really only one person she was interested in, and there was no way that was happening. Rowan sighed knowingly. "Are you sure you don't want me to help you with that? Nothing's going to happen with Will if you don't even see him regularly." Claire grimaced and fidgeted uncomfortably.

"No, really, it's okay. It's not like I want anything to happen. It's just an infatuation," she insisted. Rowan raised a brow at her.

"Infatuations don't last years upon years," she said. Claire's face burned. Rowan sighed again. "Fine, but you really should enjoy yourself while you're young." Claire glared at her master.

"You're one to talk. And you're not that much older than I am," she said. Rowan grinned ruefully.

"Yeah, but you're still young and pretty, whereas I am a crazy bitch," she said, jutting her teeth out into a frightening face. Claire laughed and shook her head incredulously despite the ache in her chest for her master. As far as Claire was concerned, Rowan was the most beautiful person she knew. There might be more physically attractive women, but her master deserved all the happiness she could get. She hoped one day she might allow herself to experience it.

"If I try to date, you have to too," she said. Rowan let out a barking laugh.

"I guess we're both dying as old spinsters then," she said. Claire grinned and turned back to her cauldron. Romance or not, she had some remarkable people in her life, and if she had Rowan there to help guide her down the rough path, she could gladly go the distance without a man at her side.


	28. The Third Task

**A/N:** Holy fuck, this one took a long time to write. I had to read through these final chapters in the real book, and I can't believe I forgot how intense these scenes are and how young I was when I read them. They take on a new kind of darkness as an adult.

**missalex3030:** Thank you! I also forgot about Claire for a while -_- but yes, bringing her back in because she and Will will ["will will" heh] be playing a bigger part now that the ball is rolling again!

**Guest?:** Aha, thank you for catching that! All fixed! And thank you for the review! Sign it next time so I know whom to address! ^^

**SMGF1:** Thank you! ^^

**Eirithdiel:** Yes, Third Task finally! And maybe not a lot of talking in this one. It starts escalating pretty quickly. Talking later maybe? Thank you for the review!

**Marylin C:** Ahah I'm glad you like Aari and the twins so much. They're a lot of fun to write. I'm drafting a few chapters ahead with the twins popping up here and there, which has been amusing. You'll see about Claire and Will soon! I'm setting a deadline for myself to get you Ch. 4 this weekend!

**Jingylima:** Thank you! It's so good to hear from you again! And yes, things will begin to deviate more from here - not a lot at first, but I'm certainly making some changes to the canon plot. You'll just have to wait and see about Remus and Tonks eheh.

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2000). _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Chapter 27: The Third Task**

I.

"Bill, I think the Beauxbatons girl has taken a liking to you."

Bill Weasley glanced across the room to see that the silvery-haired French champion was, indeed, watching him with great interest. Rowan smirked knowingly as she saw him shoot the young woman his best smile. She batted her eyelashes and swept her shimmering hair over a shoulder, smiling flirtatiously in return before turning back to speaking with her mother and younger sister, obviously undeterred by long hair and fang earrings. Bill turned back to Rowan looking very self-satisfied, despite his mother's reproachful look.

"Billy, behave," she scolded. Bill smiled innocently at his mother.

"I'm just being friendly," he said. He and Rowan grinned at each other. Molly rolled her eyes and looked back to the door impatiently, where Cedric Diggory had just entered. His father shouted his name proudly, making sure that everyone in the room heard him. Rowan wanted to roll her eyes - it seemed Amos Diggory was still very much an ass.

It was the afternoon of June 24th, the day of the third and final Task, and Rowan, Bill, and Molly had come to surprise Harry. It was tradition for the champions to spend the hours preceding the Third Task with their families, but seeing as Harry's parents were gone, Dumbledore had invited Rowan and the Weasleys to come instead. They, of course, had accepted the invitation happily.

Rowan's stomach was full of knots. Though she was eager to see the tournament end, regardless of whether Harry won or not, there was a terrible feeling in her gut. She'd slept very little the night before in anticipation for this day, imagining all the ways the evening could go wrong. Harry had told her all about the maze, and though she knew he would certainly thrive in this scenario, it was still dangerous. She had never been so excited for the summer holidays, for it meant this nonsense would be over.

Finally, Harry came through the door tentatively. He looked around the room with a confused, almost crestfallen expression, and Rowan realized sadly that he'd expected no one to come. But as his eyes fell upon them, his entire face lit up, lips spreading into the brightest of smiles.

"Surprise!" Molly squealed excitedly. Harry jogged over to them. Molly rushed forward to sweep him into a tight embrace. Harry looked dazed as she pulled away.

"You all right?" said Bill, grinning at Harry and shaking his hand. "Charlie wanted to come, but he couldn't get time off. He said you were incredible against the Horntail."

"Damn right he was," Rowan said proudly. She moved forward to finally hug Harry. He still looked somewhat lost but entirely pleased.

"This is so nice of you all," he breathed. "I thought for a moment... the Dursleys-" Rowan snorted.

"The Dursleys can go shove it up thei-" she started.

"Winnie!" snapped Molly reproachfully. Rowan and Harry shared a grin.

"Fancy giving us a tour, Harry?" said Bill, distracting Molly from her motherly scolding.

"Yeah, okay," said Harry, and they made their way back toward the door into the Great Hall.

"How's Percy?" Harry asked as they walked around the greenhouses. Rowan grimaced as Barty Crouch's face loomed in her mind again.

"Not good," said Bill.

"He's very upset," said Mrs. Weasley, lowering her voice and glancing around. "The Ministry wants to keep Mr. Crouch's disappearance quiet, but Percy's been hauled in for questioning about the instructions Mr. Crouch has been sending in. They seem to think there's a chance they weren't genuinely written by him. Percy's been under a lot of strain. They're not letting him fill in for Mr. Crouch as the fifth judge tonight. Cornelius Fudge is going to be doing it." Harry nodded and glanced up at Rowan. She gave him a tight smile.

Just as Moody had predicted, they'd never found Crouch, despite the intense teams of Aurors being sent out over the grounds and into the nearby mountains. Rowan knew it was all protocol at this point - Barty Crouch was dead, regardless of whether there was a body to be found or not. Though the Ministry was officially in denial about the dark signs of impending danger, the Order was quietly preparing themselves for battle again. During her afternoon tea with McGonagall, the older woman had informed Rowan of the intense new protective spells she and Filius Flitwick had placed around the castle quietly over the past couple of weeks, and Rowan had agreed to help cast a fresh batch of hexbreakers on the grounds as soon as the term ended.

But she wasn't going to say all of this to Harry. He was already on edge as it was with the Third Task and the end of term. It wouldn't help to tell him that one of the most powerful wizards at the Ministry had been murdered on his school grounds and that the Order was practically poised and ready to strike at a moment's notice. Harry wasn't stupid of course - he'd been there the day Crouch had disappeared, after all - but if Rowan could help it, she would make sure that the approaching war was kept from the forefront of his mind as long as possible.

"Mum - Bill!" The three adults looked up from their conversation as they entered the Great Hall to see Ron standing from the Gryffindor house table with a shocked expression. "What're you all doing here?"

"Come to watch Harry in the last task!" said Mrs. Weasley brightly. "I must say it makes a lovely change, not having to cook. How was your exam?"

"Oh... it was okay. Couldn't remember all the goblin rebels' names, so I invented a few. It's all right," he said, helping himself to a Cornish pasty, while Mrs. Weasley looked stern. "They're all called stuff like Bodrod the Bearded and Urg the Unclean. Tt wasn't hard." Rowan smiled amusedly as she heard Molly scold Ron for his academic apathy and looked up at Bill, who was sitting next to her. He was such a departure from his brother. She remembered all those happy afternoons when Bill had been just a boy, ever-eager to learn and study. It seemed that Ron, unfortunately, had not inherited this hunger for knowledge.

"Oy! What're you lot doing here?"

Speaking of a lack of hunger for knowledge, the twins suddenly bounded up to the table. Their faces lit up at the sight of Rowan and bounced over to her spot at the table, ignoring their eldest brother and mother to squeeze into the seats on either side of Rowan, pushing Bill out of the way.

"Ro-wan!" they sang.

"Did you get our letter?" Fred asked.

"Thanks again for your help! We can always count on you!" said George.

"Yeah, they've really turned out great!"

"Greater than great! Stupendous!"

"Fantastic!"

"Splendiferous!" they cried together. Rowan smiled awkwardly and stole a glance across the table. Molly was eyeing them with a suspicious look while Harry was trying very hard not to laugh.

"And _what_ exactly turned out so great?" asked Molly. The twins let out a shrill laugh.

"Our Charms exams!" said George quickly.

"Yeah, Rowan gave us a bit of tutoring this past month!"

"Really made a few things click. She should seriously think about teaching!"

"She'd be much better than that pile of dung Sna-"

"Fred!" Molly shouted. He grinned and looked up just in time to catch Ginny and Hermione joining them as well. Rowan glanced down the table to watch Molly discreetly and noted that she was being especially warm to Hermione, scooping large helpings of dinner onto the girl's plate and offering generous amounts of compliments, much to the girl's confusion. Rowan smiled to herself and turned back to her conversation with Harry and the twins, feeling very relieved. She'd made sure to set the older woman straight about Rita Skeeter's lies before coming up to the castle, and Molly had been mortified at her own behavior. She was obviously feeling very guilty still, but at least Rowan had been able to correct the misunderstanding before she'd really treated the girl coldly without reason.

Rowan ate and talked happily, a very warm feeling spreading through her limbs. She hadn't been so relaxed in a very long time. It'd been so long since she'd eaten at this table, in this greatest of schools. She looked up and down the table and found with a dull ache that she didn't recognize any of these faces, at a place where she'd once known every name, every voice. Where Fred and George sat, there had once been Remus and Sirius instead. Across from them, Peter had once laughed nervously. And across from her had been the father of this boy instead. She held that memory to her heart and then released it quietly. James wasn't there anymore, but Harry was - the very best of James and Lily. Wasn't that all she could ask for?

Though she noted that Harry had eaten very little - he was most likely very nervous about the impending Task in a couple of hours - he was chatting animatedly with the Weasleys. Mina even managed to slip away from her duties for a moment to come wish Harry good luck with a swift hug and fierce smile, earning the awed looks of his male housemates and even a few girls. Rowan watched him fondly as he laughed and bantered with his dearest friends. She could almost believe they were all at the Burrow together, eating around the table in the backyard like the previous summer. She hoped this coming summer would provide much of the same.

But the fun couldn't last the entire evening, of course. As the enchanted ceiling overhead began to fade from blue to a dusky purple, Dumbledore rose to his feet at the staff table, and silence fell.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in five minutes' time, I will be asking you to make your way down to the Quidditch field for the third and final task of the Triwizard Tournament. Will the champions please follow Mr. Bagman down to the stadium now?"

Rowan looked across the table to see Harry grimacing with resolution. She gave him a fierce smile. She wanted to leap across the table and hug him once more, but there was no time. He smiled nervously back and nodded with understanding at her proud expression, standing shakily from his seat. Fred, George, and Ron began to clap and stood from their seats, grinning proudly at him, and then the rest of the Gryffindor table stood to applaud and cheer him on as well. Rowan beamed as she watched her godson sheepishly nod to his housemates' encouragement. He shot Rowan one more smile - her stomach clenched - before turning to follow Cedric Diggory, Viktor Krum, and Fleur Delacour out of the Great Hall.

As she watched his back disappear from the hall with the other three, she noticed that, unlike at the beginning of the year, he now stood nearly as tall as the other two boys and was now a couple of inches taller than the blonde girl. Her chest ached with a mixture of pride and bittersweet sadness - he'd seemed like such a child standing next to the other champions just months ago, and now he truly looked like he belonged with that trio of older champions. She took a deep shaky breath. She hoped he could fight alongside them just as well, too.

* * *

II.

Remus walked through the crowd as it shifted like a wave towards the Quidditch field, craning his neck over the sea of students for sign of Rowan and the Weasleys. He caught sight of a clump of redheaded figures and gently pushed his way forward.

"Molly!" he shouted over the crowd. He saw one of the heads perk up and then turn, looking around with confusion. Her face suddenly lit up as she spotted him and hopped up and down waving. He saw one of the taller heads stop at his mother's strange behavior and turned. Remus' eyes widened, as did the young man's.

"Bill?" he called as he approached them. He rushed forward and noted the strong jaw, the long nose - this was little Billy Weasley all grown up! The young man's face stretched slowly into a broad smile.

"Remus? Merlin!" he exclaimed. To Remus' surprise, he swept him into a fierce embrace, slapping him on the back strongly. Remus let out a surprised laugh as he pulled away and looked over the eldest Weasley child. He was even taller than Arthur now, with even broader shoulders and a long mane of red hair swept back. A dragon fang dangled from his ear. Remus grinned. Was this really precocious, serious Billy Weasley?

"Dear god, you're so old!" Remus blurted. Bill laughed.

"Speak for yourself!" he countered. Remus grinned and looked Bill over again. He couldn't believe his eyes! Bill Weasley!

"How old are you now?" he asked incredulously. "Where are you working? Shit, there's so much I've missed!" Bill beamed.

"Twenty-four now. Taking some time off from work as a cursebreaker for Gringotts in Egypt," he said proudly. Remus stared awestruck. The brilliant boy he'd once known had become such an accomplished man without his realizing it! What had he been doing all these years?

"Oy! What's taking you?"

Molly, Bill, and Remus looked up to see one of the twins - Remus still couldn't tell them apart - shouting at them to hurry. Ahead of them along the path were the other twin, Ron, and Ginny holding hands with a dark-haired woman, her face alit with the dim orange light of evening. Remus' stomach clenched nervously for some reason. She gave him a small smile, which he attempted weakly to return but failed. He felt a hand on his elbow and a sudden tug.

"Let's go! We won't be able to get any seats together!" Molly cried. Remus followed the small plump woman amusedly with the eldest Weasley boy jogging beside them. He smiled at Remus warmly, and Remus was able to see a glimpse of that intelligent little boy he'd once gotten on with so well so many years before. He smiled back and then looked down the path where the Quidditch pitch rose from the evening sky, looming and bright. He could already hear the cheers beginning to build from the excited students and took a deep breath as he saw Rowan beam at the youngest Weasley sibling up ahead. She was probably going to ask where he'd been this past month and was still unprepared without an answer.

He sighed. Tonight was about Harry, not his own "existential mucking around," as Rowan had so eloquently put it. He'd deal with his strange friendship with the Potions Master later, and as he stepped into the stands of the Quidditch pitch, he allowed the lights and sounds to overtake him.

* * *

III.

_"Ladies and gentlemen, the third and final task of the Triwizard Tournament is about to_ begin! _Let me remind you how the points currently stand! Tied in first place, with eighty-five points each - Mr. Cedric Diggory and Mr. Harry Potter, both of Hogwarts School! In second place, with eighty points - Mr. Viktor Krum, of Durmstrang Institute!" "And in third place - Miss Fleur Delacour, of Beauxbatons Academy!_"

Rowan grimaced, stomach churning painfully, at the sound of Ludo Bagman's voice. She didn't much give a damn about the score at this point of the tournament. She just wanted it to be over and to have Harry safe and sound. She glanced up next to her to see Remus watching raptly. Bill whispered something to him from his other side, earning a small grin from the older man. Rowan wanted to smile - it was wonderful to see the two reunited when Bill had so admired Remus as a boy - but the nauseous feeling in her stomach prevented her from focusing on anything other than Harry. She turned back to see him at one corner of the maze, with each of the other contestants at the other three. He had a tight look of determination and nerves on his face. He looked up with surprise after a particularly large shout from Ron and smiled a bit dazedly as he caught sight of them. Rowan and Ginny waved excitedly at him. He gave a weak wave back.

_"So... on my whistle, Harry and Cedric!"_ said Bagman. Harry jumped slightly and turned back to the maze. Rowan held her breath. _"Three - two - one_ -"

He gave a short blast on his whistle, and Harry and Cedric hurried forward into the maze.

Rowan groaned. The hedges of the maze made it nearly impossible to see any of the contestants! She followed Harry's dark mop of hair move quickly through the maze. It was illuminated slightly as Harry lit his wand, but as the sky turned darker and darker, it became harder to differentiate between him, Cedric, and Krum.

Harry moved for a long expanse along a narrow straight path. He then turned right, and then left, and then reached a fork, paused, and then turned right again. Rowan frowned - a dead end. He turned back and took the left fork instead and then turned right again.

But there was a shriek. A few girls screamed as a small explosion erupted from only a couple of paths over from Harry. Rowan saw the head of Cedric Diggory lurch from the smoke and stumble towards Harry, eventually stopping just next to him. She wondered what they were saying, but then Harry hurried off again, avoiding the path Cedric had just come from but moving instead into what looked like a cold mist.

"Dementors," whispered Remus. Rowan's lips twisted with anticipation, feeling Ginny grip her hand tightly.

"_Expecto patronum!"_

A silver stag erupted from the hedges, earning a large roar of applause from the stands, and charged forward with Harry following it closely. Ginny bounced next to Rowan gleefully.

"Amazing, Harry!" she shouted. Rowan smiled and nodded proudly before glancing up at Remus. He looked down at her tentatively.

"Incredible work, Professor," she said. Remus was struck silent for a moment, staring dumbly down at her, before smiling a bit sheepishly. She saw a reddish tint to his ears in the dim light.

"'Was nothing... Easy to teach a talented student," he said humbly. Rowan laughed softly and turned back to watching Harry. She didn't notice the sly grin Bill shot Remus and the responding glare from the older man.

Left ... right... left again... Rowan's stomach clenched tighter and tighter with each wrong turn and dead end. She could see the correct route, and it was growing more and more frustrating that she couldn't simply shout out directions for her godson. She frowned. There was a strange mist up ahead. It wasn't another dementor though. What was it? Harry approached it cautiously.

"Harry, don't," Rowan breathed.

Suddenly, there was a blood-curdling shriek, followed by cries from the crowd. Rowan saw the beautiful older blonde woman in the stands nearby scream something in French before lurching forward, silvery hair shaking with fright. The little girl next to her also shouted something with panic. Rowan looked over the expansive maze and noted that she couldn't find Fleur Delacour's head anywhere. Murmurs began to spring from the crowd.

"Harry!"

Rowan looked back to Harry quickly to see that he was dangling in the air upside down apparently by nothing. He was flailing with confusion, wand brandished but useless.

"Gravity reversal," Remus muttered. Rowan grimaced. There was nothing Harry could really do about this but wait for the spell to wear off. Just as she thought this, Harry was dropped unceremoniously to the ground, disappearing from sight beneath the hedges. She held her breath as he didn't stir for a moment. But then there was a slight rustle, and slowly, he stood back to his feet, looking as if the wind had been knocked from his lungs. Rowan exhaled with relief. The crowd erupted with cheers again.

Harry turned right and then left and then right again. He was so close! Rowan's right hand was now numb from Ginny's nervous vicegrip, but she paid it no mind. Finally, she saw him begin to near the center, where the cup stood. But he halted quickly and then dove suddenly just in time, dodging what looked like a burst of red light. It crashed behind him and smoke erupted. Rowan jumped up to try to see what it was he was facing off against but couldn't see anything below Harry's head.

But then there was a terrible scream. The entire Quidditch pitch went silent and then erupted with panicked murmurs again from the students.

"Was that Cedric?" Ginny whispered quickly to Rowan. When she didn't answer, she craned her neck to look over at her brothers, who were all speaking rapidly to each other.

But Rowan wasn't paying attention to them. Her left hand had quickly grabbed Remus' with panic, eyes scanning over the maze. She could see Harry's form still moving. Fleur's head had disappeared long ago, but now Cedric's was also gone. The screaming continued - that blood-curdling scream that shook her to the very core.

That sound - it was so similar. Memories of similar screams came rushing back. She saw Aurors rush onto the field - they knew it, too. That was the sound of the Cruciatus Curse being performed.

"Remus," she choked, still unable to tear her eyes from the maze. She saw Harry sprinting towards the source of the screaming, and the panic surged up her throat. She looked up at him finally and saw his face blank with horror, pale with fear.

There was a shot of red light and a shout - it was Harry. Finally, the screaming stopped, and that dark head of hair close to Harry dropped beneath the line of the hedges. Silence overtook the crowd again. Rowan saw the Aurors blasting through the maze walls towards the center, but the hedges were thick and enchanted - it would take them a while to reach the center, too long. Another head of hair rose shakily to meet Harry's - Cedric?

Two shots of red sparks burst into the air from where they stood - a distress signal. The Aurors pointed to the red sparks and quickened their pace, but they were still too slow. Harry and the other boy - Krum or Cedric? - continued onward together, slowly this time. But they were so close. Rowan watched with her breath held as they turned one corner and then the next. Both Harry and Cedric emerged at the center. Light spilled over them as they stepped forward where the Triwizard Cup stood, and she released her breath. Her eyes began to burn - he'd made it! He'd made it through! She trembled with excitement and looked up at Remus, who beamed down at her. She then looked down dumbly and realized that she still had his hand in hers. Face burning, she made a move to release it, but he held fast. She glanced up at him with surprise to see him smiling tightly down at her. Her heart clenched painfully, but then he looked back to the maze.

But the boys paused. They both looked to be poor shape. Cedric had a bad limp, and Harry's face was bleeding. Rowan watched as they talked between themselves quietly for a few moments. They looked to be bickering slightly. Harry took a step away from the Cup and nodded to Cedric, who shot him an angry look and then also stepped back. Rowan watched with confusion before her face stretched into an incredulous smile. She laughed, earning a confused glare from Ginny.

"What're you laughing at?" she asked. Rowan grinned.

"They're going to take it together," she said amusedly. Ginny's grow furrowed and then her face whipped back around to watch the two champions, indeed, walking forward together. They both paused at the Cup and looked up at each other with one last grin. Rowan watched, chest swelling with pride for her godson. He was such a talented boy. And more than that, he was a _good_ boy, a good man. She felt Remus squeeze her hand tightly. She squeezed back. Harry and Cedric both mouthed happily:

_"One, two, three-"_

* * *

IV.

_"Whose fucking god damn idea was this?_" Mina Surrey screamed. She blasted through a hedge but only managed to burn a small hole through the vegetation. Damn these enchanted hedges! This was completely against safety measures! They were supposed to come down easily in case of emergencies! Someone had tampered with these hedges. But who? She felt the panic surge up from her gut but pushed it back down. She needed to remain in control. She had to get to Harry.

She and her men had found the Beauxbatons champion collapsed and seizing not too far into the maze, hair splayed wildly around her like a silvery halo. Her eyes had been rolled into the back of her head, frame rattling against the hard ground like a fallen coin. Mina's throat had clenched at the sight - it was something she hadn't seen in many, many years.

It was the Cruciatus Curse.

She blasted through another hedge and then another, kicking and punching through the rough branches. She felt one particularly sharp branch tear at her cheek as she pushed through and the subsequent sting and drip of blood. But she needed to keep going. The sound within the maze was muted, like being underwater. She could vaguely hear the cheering from above in the stands but couldn't make anything out, only the pants and calls from the men around her.

"Major General! we've found the Durmstrang champion!"

Mina snarled and blasted through one last hedge before bursting forward into a clearing to see an Auror standing over the unconscious body of Viktor Krum. Another was crouched low beside him, thumbing at his eyelids and sickly palor. The Auror's face was pale with horror as he looked up at her, mouth tight and eyes wide.

"Another one?" she asked. He nodded.

"Cruciatus," he breathed. Mina cursed under breath and sent a large wave of red sparks into the air. She then put her wand to her throat.

"_Sonorus."_ She felt her throat expand and deepen before speaking. "_There has been an emergency in the maze. I repeat: there has been an emergency in the maze. Suspend the Task immediately. All Aurors to the pitch. Code Red."_ She then softened the amplification spell and turned without a missed beat to her men._  
_

"You three, begin clearing away the hedges starting from this point. You two, remain with the Durmstrang champion. And you two, come with me. We need to find the two Hogwarts champions," she rattled out quickly. The Aurors all saluted. The first three immediately began radiating outward, blasting away at the remaining hedges quickly. Mina then turned on her heel and started for the center of the maze with the other two following closely behind, also clearing away anything within their path.

_Harry, please be okay._

* * *

V.

"What?" she breathed. Rowan stared hard at the point in the maze where Harry and Cedric had been. She'd seen the wave of red sparks from within the maze and then heard Mina's amplified voice fill the pitch, but only moments after Harry and Cedric had taken the Cup.

And now the space was completely empty. Even the Cup was gone. She stared hard, expecting for them to reappear at any moment. But the seconds ticked by, and then they became minutes. Each second felt like a small lifetime. Murmurs began to emerge from the crowd as shouts erupted from the Aurors, all now rushing onto the pitch. Rowan looked to the judges' table and saw Dumbledore standing quickly and moving swiftly to the maze. Ludo Bagman looked thoroughly confused, looking around frantically from Dumbledore, to the maze, to the other judges, who were all wide-eyed and speaking quickly amongst themselves. Panic hit Rowan hard. She then felt herself being yanked away from Ginny and down the row.

"We have to get to Dumbledore. This wasn't supposed to happen," Remus hissed. Molly and Bill Weasley looked at them with horror as they moved quickly through.

"Winnie, where are you-" she started.

"Stay with the kids, Molly! We're going to go help!" Rowan shouted back.

"I'm coming too!" Bill called, following closely after them. Remus nodded and continued to pull Rowan away from the stands. Finally, they cleared the crowd. As soon as they reached an opening, they took off running for the stairs leading down to the pitch. Rowan's entire being screamed.

_Harry._

* * *

VI.

Harry felt himself slam flat into the ground. His face was pressed into grass. The smell of it filled his nostrils. He had closed his eyes while the Portkey transported him, and he kept them closed now. He did not move. All the breath seemed to have been knocked out of him. His head was swimming so badly he felt as though the ground beneath him were swaying like the deck of a ship. To hold himself steady, he tightened his hold on the two things he was still clutching: the smooth, cold handle of the Triwizard Cup and Cedric's body. He felt as though he would slide away into the blackness gathering at the edges of his brain if he let go of either of them. Shock and exhaustion kept him on the ground, breathing in the smell of the grass, waiting... waiting for someone to do something... something to happen... and all the while, his scar burned dully on his forehead.

His ears seemed to finally come through from the void, suddenly being hit with a torrent of sound. There were screams, shouts. He heard someone vaguely calling his name, but he kept his eyes shut, hoping that the nightmare would soon pass.

Then a pair of hands seized him roughly and flipped him over. The cool air of night hit his lungs as if he'd been under water. He gasped, eyes whipping open.

"Harry! Harry!"

He saw the inky black starry sky and two pairs of blue eyes staring down at him. One pair belonged with a long silvery beard, and the other were large and round, attached to a heart-shaped face and brown hair. He looked at them dazedly. The woman was mouthing his name and something else, but he could barely understand his own name. The ground beneath him reverberated with the pounding footsteps around him.

He had come back to the edge of the maze. He could see the stands rising above him, the shapes of people moving in them, the stars above.

Harry let go of the Cup, but he clutched Cedric to him even more tightly. He raised his free hand and seized Dumbledore's wrist, while Dumbledore's face swam in and out of focus. There were Mina Surrey and Albus Dumbledore - he trusted these people.

"He's back," Harry whispered. "He's back. Voldemort."

"What's going on? What's happened?"

The face of Cornelius Fudge appeared upside down over Harry. His skin paled at the sight of him.

"My God... Diggory!" it whispered. "Dumbledore... he's dead!"

The words were echoed around him, first in whispers then in shouts, then in screams. _Cedric Diggory! He's dead! Cedric is dead!_ Harry saw Mina's eyes wide with horror, mouth agape and trembling as she stared at him.

"Harry, let go of him," he heard Fudge's voice say, and he felt fingers trying to pry him from Cedric's limp body, but Harry wouldn't let him go. Then Dumbledore's face, which was still blurred and misted, came closer.

"Harry, you can't help him now. It's over. Let go."

"He wanted me to bring him back," Harry muttered - it seemed important to explain this. "He wanted me to bring him back to his parents."

"That's right. Harry. Just let go now."

Dumbledore bent down, and with extraordinary strength for a man so old and thin, raised Harry from the ground and set him on his feet. Harry swayed. His head was pounding. His injured leg would no longer support his weight. The crowd around them jostled, fighting to get closer, pressing darkly in on him. There was suddenly a substantial pressure at his side, holding him up. The people swarming towards him suddenly stopped, and Harry realized dully that this woman had erected a barrier between them and the crowd. A warm arm wrapped around his waist, strong hands gripping him. He saw a flash of brown hair at his shoulder and recognized the firm hand at his side.

"Harry, lean into me," Mina said softly. He nodded weakly and let go of some of his weight. The Auror supported him with surprising ease.

_"What's happened?" _

_"What's wrong with him?" _

_"Diggory's dead!"_

"He'll need to go to the hospital wing!" Fudge was saying loudly. "He's ill, injured. Dumbledore, Diggory's parents - they're here. They're in the stands-"

"I'll take Harry, Dumbledore. I'll take him-"

"No, I would prefer-"

"Dumbledore, Amos Diggory's running. He's coming over. Don't you think you should tell him before he sees-?"

"Harry, stay here."

Girls were screaming, sobbing. The scene flickered oddly before Harry's eyes.

"It's all right, son. I've got you. Come on - Hospital Wing-"

"Dumbledore said stay," said Harry thickly, the pounding in his scar making him feel as though he was about to throw up. His vision was blurring worse than ever. The grip around his waist tightened.

"You need to lie down. Come on now."

"No, Moody, Dumbledore said he should-"

"Don't fight me, stupid girl!"

Someone larger and stronger than he was was guiding him away. Harry felt that smaller hand grip his wrist, pulling him back, but with another yank, he was being half-pulled, half-carried through the heard people gasping, screaming, and shouting as the man supporting him pushed a path through them, taking him back to the castle. Across the lawn, past the lake and the Durmstrang ship, Harry heard nothing but the heavy breathing of the man helping him walk.

"_Moody!"_

Harry heard Mina call after them again, but he was still being pulled. And he was so tired, head so heavy. He needed to get away from the crowd. He needed to think. No, he didn't need to think. He needed to sleep. He needed to sleep for a long time.

* * *

VII.

Rowan shoved her way through the shouting Aurors towards Dumbledore and Fudge. She saw the Headmaster standing with a couple, who were collapsed on the ground over a limp form. As she approached, her throat clenched.

It was the Diggorys. They were crying over their son's dead body. A sickening wail tore through the air, vibrating down to Rowan's very core. She realized it had come from Amos. He was weeping - the most painful, heartrending sobs she had ever heard.

This slowed her momentarily, but then she remembered the other champion who had just reappeared. Where was he? She craned her head around, panic resurfacing, as she ran up to Dumbledore, Remus close behind. Bill had run off to help Will Surrey hold the spectators away from the pitch. Dumbledore turned to see Rowan with a deep grimace.

"Where is Harry?" she hissed, grabbing his forearm. She knew somewhere vaguely that there was no reason for her aggression, but as she thought of her godson, anger surged through her bones. Dumbledore looked at her seriously and then looked up towards the center, but then frowned deeply. His eyes then widened, face stretching with horror. Rowan frowned and followed his gaze only to see Mina and Professor McGonagall sprinting towards them.

"Albus, Alastor has taken Harry to the castle!" McGonagall shouted in a panic. Dumbledore's face melted into something Rowan had never seen - anger.

"Alastor did?" he breathed. Mina nodded rapidly.

"Professor, something is wrong. Moody - I don't think-" she started, but Dumbledore didn't let her finish. He took off running for the castle at a pace that seemed much younger than his age.

"Rowan, what-" Remus shouted, but she didn't hear him. She, too, sprinted after the headmaster, terror seizing her legs. She heard Remus and Mina shout after her again, but she left them behind without another glance. Minerva followed close behind.

Up the hill, through the halls, and up the winding stairs - Rowan's lungs burned as she chased Dumbledore up to the Third Floor where the DADA professor's office was. All she could hear were her own labored breaths, pounding feet, and thumping heart. Harry's face burned into her mind. She thought of the Diggory boy's limp body down on the pitch with his parents weeping desperately over him. _Where was Harry?_

Finally, they reached the Third Floor. Rowan's lungs groped painfully for air, but she didn't pause. Reaching the door, she heard voices coming within, and without another lost beat, Dumbledore whipped out his wand and roared:

"_Stupefy!"_

In a flash of red light, the door splintered and crashed, blasting through. A large looming figure was thrown backward onto the office floor. In front of him, facing away from them, was the frail form of Rowan's godson. He turned shakily to see Dumbledore, Rowan, and McGonagall in the doorway.

"Harry!" Rowan cried. She rushed forward past Dumbledore, who was still staring down at Moody with a deathly cold expression, wand armed. Rowan threw her arms around Harry and let out a sob. Her hands gripped at his shoulders, his hair. The panic broke from her lungs, crashing as tears. She let out a choking gasp as she pulled away and saw the dazed look on his face. His leg was twisted at a strange angle, a deep gash in his arm where there was still fresh red blood, which was soaking into his robes. She ran her hands over his cheeks and hair, eyes roving over his face.

She saw James there, robes covered in blood, face blank and in shock. Green skulls and the dim silvery light of Lily's wand glowed in her mind. She remembered the blank expression on James' face as he'd knelt by John Potter's body on that terrible Christmas Eve. Panic tore through Rowan's chest again, but finally, Harry's eyes seemed to come into focus. As the recognition began to sink into him, her lips trembled with relief, and she pulled him in again.

"Oh, Harry," she gasped. Another fresh wave of tears broke through. "Oh, thank god. Thank god!"

Vaguely, she heard the rustling and thumping of the limp body being maneuvered, but Rowan didn't care. She was just so glad Harry was safe. She felt Harry's hands reach up hesitantly to embrace her back, but he seemed lost, like a puppet. She then felt a hand grip her shoulder strongly.

"Delacroix, Hospital Wing," said McGonagall quietly. "He needs to go-"

"No," said Dumbledore sharply. Rowan pulled away shakily from Harry and looked up at the headmaster with confusion. McGonagall frowned deeply.

"Dumbledore, he ought to - look at him! He's been through enough tonight-"

"He will stay, Minerva, because he needs to understand," said Dumbledore curtly. "Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. He needs to know who has put him through the ordeal he has suffered tonight, and why."

"Moody," Harry said. He was still in a state of complete disbelief. "How can it have been Moody?"

"This is not Alastor Moody," said Dumbledore quietly. "You have never known Alastor Moody. The real Moody would not have removed you from my sight after what happened tonight. The moment he took you, I knew, and I followed."

Rowan's eyes widened with horror. Not Alastor Moody? Then who-? She turned and looked at the unconscious man on the floor. Her grip on Harry's good arm tightened. This man had been allowed to remain close to Harry for an entire year without being detected? Horror washed over her.

Dumbledore bent down over Moody's limp form and put a hand inside his robes. He pulled out Moody's hip flask and a set of keys on a ring. Then he turned to Professor McGonagall.

"Minerva, please fetch Severus and ask that he bring me his strongest Veritaserum and the house elf called Winky from the kitchens. Then go down to Hagrid's hut where our friend Snuffles should be waiting. Tell him to wait in my office, where I will meet with him shortly." And with that, McGonagall nodded curtly and turned at once, leaving the office.

Dumbledore then walked over to the trunk with seven locks, fitted the first key in the lock, and opened it, revealing a mass of spell-books. Dumbledore closed the trunk, placed a second key in the second lock, and opened the trunk again. The spellbooks had vanished. This time it contained an assortment of broken Sneako-scopes, some parchment and quills, and what looked like a silvery Invisibility Cloak. Rowan watched with growing dread as Dumbledore placed the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth keys in their respective locks, reopening the trunk each time, and revealing different contents each time. Then he placed the seventh key in the lock, threw open the lid, and Rowan let out a disbelieving breath.

In the trunk seemed to be a deep pit, an underground room, and lying on the floor some ten feet below, apparently fast asleep, thin and starved in appearance, was the real Mad-Eye Moody. Rowan scrambled forward to the edge of the trunk.

"Moody!" she shouted. His wooden leg was gone, the socket that should have held the magical eye looked empty beneath its lid, and chunks of his grizzled hair were missing. Harry stared, thunderstruck, between the sleeping Moody in the trunk and the unconscious Moody lying on the floor of the office. He didn't stir at the sound of Rowan's voice.

Dumbledore climbed into the trunk, lowered himself, and fell lightly onto the floor beside the sleeping Moody. He bent over him.

"Stunned - controlled by the Imperius Curse - very weak," he said. "Of course, they would have needed to keep him alive. Rowan, please throw down the impostor's cloak." Rowan nodded and scrambled forward, tearing the cloak from the unconscious man's shoulders with great disgust, tossing it down into the trunk.

"Should I get Madam Pomfrey?" she asked. Dumbledore shook his head.

"He'll need medical care later, but for now, he seems fine," he said. Dumbledore covered Moody in the cloak, tucked it around him, and clambered out of the trunk again. Then he picked up the hip flask that stood upon the desk, unscrewed it, and turned it over. A thick glutinous liquid splattered onto the office floor. Rowan's eyes widened.

"Polyjuice potion," she breathed. Dumbledore nodded grimly.

"Brilliant in its simplicity, isn't it?" he said quietly. Rowan nodded and looked down again at the real Moody. His hair was uneven in strange lumps and chunks - how long had this man been impersonating Moody? "But I think, in the excitement of tonight, our fake Moody might have forgotten to take it as frequently as he should have done - on the hour, every hour. We'll see."

Dumbledore pulled out the chair at the desk and sat down upon it, his eyes fixed upon the unconscious Moody on the floor. Rowan quietly summoned a chair for herself and sat down right next to Harry, hand still gripping his. They watched and waited in silence. Minutes passed, ticking by slowly.

Then, suddenly, the face of the man on the floor began to change. The scars were disappearing. The skin was becoming smooth. The mangled nose became whole and started to shrink. The long mane of grizzled gray hair was withdrawing into the scalp and turning the color of straw. Suddenly, with a loud clunk, the wooden leg fell away as a normal leg regrew in its place. The next moment, the magical eyeball had popped out of the man's face as a real eye replaced it. It rolled away across the floor and continued to swivel in every direction. Rowan's eyes widened.

"It can't be," she breathed. Dumbledore nodded grimly. Harry glanced up at Rowan, eyes also wide with horror.

Rowan saw lying before them, pale-skinned, slightly freckled, with a mop of fair hair. Long-limbed and thin - she knew that form, that face. It was lined in ways she didn't remember, but she'd never forget the man lying in front of them - it was Bartemius Crouch Jr.

There were hurried footsteps outside in the corridor. Snape had returned with Winky at his heels. Professor McGonagall was right behind them.

"Crouch!" Snape exclaimed, stopping dead in the doorway. His eyes also widened with disbelief "Barty Crouch!"

"Good heavens," said Professor McGonagall, stopping dead and staring down at the man on the floor. She lifted a hand to her heart with shock.

Filthy, disheveled, Winky peered around Snape's legs. Her mouth opened wide, and she let out a piercing shriek.

"Master Barty, Master Barty, what is you doing here?" She flung herself forward onto the young man's chest. "You is killed him! You is killed him! You is killed Master's son!"

"He is simply Stunned, Winky," said Dumbledore. "Step aside, please. Severus, you have the potion?"

Snape handed Dumbledore a small glass bottle of completely clear liquid - Veritaserum. Dumbledore got up, bent over the man on the floor, and pulled him into a sitting position against the wall beneath the Foe-Glass, in which the reflections of Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, and Rowan were still glaring down upon them all. Winky remained on her knees, trembling, her hands over her face. Dumbledore forced the mans mouth open and poured three drops inside it. Then he pointed his wand at the mans chest and said, "_Ennervate_."

Barty opened his eyes. His face was slack, his gaze unfocused. Dumbledore knelt before him, so that their faces were level.

"Can you hear me?" Dumbledore asked quietly. The man's eyelids flickered.

"Yes," he muttered.

"I would like you to tell us," said Dumbledore softly, "how you came to be here. How did you escape from Azkaban?"

Crouch took a deep, shuddering breath, then began to speak in a flat, expressionless voice.

Like a steadily overflowing cup, Barty's story began to pour out. Rowan listened, barely breathing, as she heard his incredible tale, from his escape from Azkaban with his parents' assistance to his attack and imprisonment on the real Alastor Moody. He told them of his many years of confinement within his own home, of Bertha Jorkins discovering his existence, and of her kidnapping and murder by the Dark Lord. He told them of Wormtail and the Dark Lord overpowering his father and setting him free after the World Cup, of his long and sordid plans to trap Harry and resurrect his fallen master. And all the while, the house elf sobbed, clinging to Barty's thin chest.

But then Rowan's breath caught as his head rolled to the side, eyes landing on her pointedly. He grinned slowly, unlike any other smile she'd ever seen on his face. She watched with horror as he seemed to register her presence, though he said nothing.

How was this Barty? Smooth, polite, conscientious Barty? Had the years of imprisonment really driven him so mad? Had he always been this way and she'd simply never known it?

"And what of tonight?" Dumbledore finally asked quietly.

Barty's gaze remained glued to Rowan's face. She watched as that grin stretched even wider, if possible. His eyes opened into a crazed stare, brown eyes piercing into Rowan's mind. She couldn't look away. She couldn't breathe.

"I offered to carry the Triwizard Cup into the maze before dinner," whispered Barty Crouch. "Turned it into a Portkey. My master's plan worked. He is returned to power, and I will be honored by him beyond the dreams of wizards." He then grinned triumphantly around at them before his head fell limp to the side. Winky let out a high wail. It echoed off of the stone walls of Moody's office.

* * *

VIII.

Rowan watched numbly as a hefty portion of purple potion was poured into a goblet. It glinted darkly in the dim light of the Hospital Wing, giving off the faint scent of honey and lavender. Madam Pomfrey placed the goblet on Harry's bedstand with a sad grimace.

"You'll need to drink the whole thing, Mr. Potter. It will allow you to sleep dreamlessly," she said. Harry nodded vaguely, an exhausted expression drawn across his face. Rowan squeezed his hand, chest tight with grief.

After they'd interrogated Barty, McGonagall had remained with him while Dumbledore had brought Rowan and Harrry up to his office where Sirius had been waiting for them. There, he'd recounted the horrifying story of what had happened in the graveyard with the Dark Lord. Sirius had shaken with murderous intent at the mentioning of Peter placing his hands on Harry, let alone taking his blood. Rowan had fought desperately to hold control as Harry described Cedric Diggory's death, of seeing his parents and Bertha Jorkins emerge from Lord Voldemort's wand. Harry's voice had trembled as he told them about James and Lily's quiet words, and Rowan had been unable to keep her grief within, finally releasing a sob as she thought of her dear friends protecting their son. Even Sirius had struggled to keep his eyes dry.

And now she sat by Harry's bedside in the Hospital Wing. Dumbledore had sent Sirius off to warn the other Order members, and the Weasleys had left not long before to allow Harry a moment of reprieve. But Rowan had refused to leave his side. Her fingers remained tightly gripped around his hand, eyes trailing over his face, over his arm. He was real. He was here. He was still here with her. She was desperate to imprint his existence into the present, desperate to make sure he was indeed still alive.

But there was nothing she could say to him to make this better. There were no words of consolation, no funny stories or wise anecdotes to give him to relieve him of this pain. All of the battles, all of the deaths - she'd just wanted to spare him of this. He wasn't even fifteen! And yet, he'd now seen his friend die before his eyes. He'd been tortured and felt more pain than most men would ever feel in a lifetime. Why? Why was this happening to him?

"Rowan, I need my hand."

Rowan's hands flew off of Harry's arm instinctively at the sound of his soft voice. She watched as he reached for the glass of water Madam Pomfrey had also placed on his bedstand. He looked at it dully before taking a small sip. The gesture was so modest, so small. Hadn't he looked like a young man to her just a few hours before? How had he turned back into a self-conscious child in such little time? Her hands fisted into the sheets, fighting away the tears that threatened to break through her already swollen eyes again.

"Rowan."

Rowan looked up to see Remus standing at her side. When had he gotten there? She'd completely forgotten that he was even there. She stared dumbly at the tight line of his mouth, sad and pained. He placed a hand on her shoulder tentatively.

"Dumbledore wants to discuss our next steps. Everyone is gathering," he said quietly. Rowan's stomach lurched. It was really beginning, wasn't it? She nodded silently and stood, but then a hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. She turned with confusion to see Harry staring wide-eyed at her, lips trembling. She was taken off-guard - that blank look was gone, replaced with one drenched with fear.

"No!" he breathed. His hands trembled. They vibrated up Rowan's arm. "Please don't leave me," he choked. "Please." She saw a tear escape from his eyes, falling silently onto the sheets. She looked down to see the heavy bandages running up his arm and was suddenly reminded of the white gauze that had wrapped James' arm after that terrible full moon their Sixth Year when he'd prevented Remus was killing Snape. Her lips trembled as well, and she sat back down in her seat.

"Of course. I'm sorry, Harry," she whispered, taking his hands from her arm gently and holding them with the utmost care. His hands were so much larger than hers, but they shook wildly. Her eyes traced over his face, his still-smooth cheek and unkempt hair - he was still a child, wasn't he? Why was this happening to him?

"Tell Dumbledore that I'll join you later. I'm staying here." she said to Remus without looking up. She sensed, rather than saw, him nod.

"Of course," he said quietly. He made a move to leave but then paused and looked back at Harry. He seemed as if he wished to say something but couldn't find the words. Eventually, he gave up and left the Hospital Wing quietly. Harry continued to tremble in the dim candlelight and silence.

"Rowan, I-" he whispered. He looked at her searchingly. "I'm so scared." Rowan couldn't be sure if it was her hands or his that shook. She pushed a weak smile to her face. She needed to be strong for him. This was why James and Lily had left her behind - because they'd known that Harry would need her.

"I know," she said softly, "but we're going to get through this. We're all with you, Harry, and we're going to be with you every step of the way. _I_ am going to be with you every step of the way. You know that, right?"

Harry continued to gaze at her fearfully, eyes roving over her face. Finally, he nodded. His grip released slightly. She took one of her hands from his and brought it up to his face where she swept his hair from his eyes tenderly. She didn't dare touch his scar. She didn't dare look at it. She didn't want to think of what it meant. She ran her fingers soothingly through his hair. His eyes began to drift. She then took her hand from his hair and grabbed the goblet of purple potion from the bedstand.

"Drink this. It will help," she whispered, bringing it to his mouth. Harry nodded tiredly and sat up slightly, taking the potion with his free hand. Bringing it to his lips, he drank steadily until it was completely tipped back. When he reached the bottom, he took a deep breath through the nose and handed the goblet back to Rowan. She grimaced slightly and placed it back onto the stand as he settled back underneath the covers. She then resumed her slow combing through his hair. His eyes began to drift again.

"My mum - she was really beautiful," he said tiredly. Rowan smiled softly and nodded.

"She was. Your dad said he fell in love with her at first sight," she said. She knew he was thinking back to the image of his mother that he saw in the graveyard, but she wanted him to think of nothing but happy memories.

"I wish..." he whispered. A tear broke through and trailed down his cheek to his ear. "I wish I could see them again."

Rowan thought her heart might break, but then an idea occurred to her quietly. She hesitated for a moment before switching hands and pulling her wand from her pocket. Pointing it to her temple, she thought back to one of her happiest memories of his parents - of the shared elation of the hospital room at St. Mungo's, just moments after Harry had been born. She smiled softly as she closed her eyes and pushed the memory to the tip of her wand. She felt the heat push through her skull with a shiver and then gingerly transferred the tip of her wand, where the loose silvery thread hung, to his temple. Harry gasped as it slipped past his hair and into his mind, eyes widening but unseeing as the memory flashed before his eyes.

Rowan smiled bittersweetly as she tried to hold onto the memory she'd just given him, but she knew it was now lost to her - she'd given it completely to him. Unlike her stored memories, there was no going back to them in a Pensieve now that she'd given it completely away. There was an ache in her heart as she tried to recall James and Lily's joy, but as she saw the tears of happiness well up in Harry's eyes as he saw his parents' love for him, all sadness disappeared. His lips trembled as his eyes closed, and with them, the tears broke through, trailing down his cheeks. His grip on her hand tightened almost painfully, and she brought her other hand up to stroke his hair again.

"We love you, Harry," she whispered.

Harry's mouth twitched upward into the faintest of smiles, but his fingers loosened from hers. There was a deep release of breath from his lungs, and his face went slack. He was finally in a dreamless sleep where he was safe and no one - not even she - could reach him.

* * *

IX.

Mina sat in the dim orange light of the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's quarters on the Third Floor at the bedside of a thin, haggard man with patchy gray hair and a scarred face. His cheeks were gaunt, frame shivering still, even beneath the multiple layers of blankets she and Minerva McGonagall had laid over him. In the seventeen years she'd known him, he had never appeared so weak, so vulnerable, even asleep and injured. He was just a hair's breadth away from fading away, so thin and starved. How was this Alastor Moody?

And how could she have allowed this to happen? She'd been there the night he'd been attacked in his own home! He had been locked away in his own trunk not even minutes before, and yet she hadn't realized that the man she'd thought was her mentor was, in fact, a legally declared dead man.

But he wasn't dead. No, the young Death Eater who had wormed his way into her best friend's life had survived and escaped Azkaban, no thanks to that god-forsaken father of his. A part of her wanted to pity the now-deceased elder Crouch, but another wanted to spit on his unmarked grave, wherever he now laid somewhere out there on the Hogwarts grounds. If it hadn't been for him, his son might not have turned to the dark side. He might not have gone to prison. He might not have escaped.

And the real Moody and Harry would be safe.

Mina bowed her head tiredly as she leaned her elbows onto the mattress, hair falling into her face. It was barely even nine o'clock, but the day had seemed to go on and on. They should be celebrating Harry's victory - his and Cedric's. They should be in the Great Hall together. She, Rowan, Remus and Weasleys - they should all be downstairs congratulating Harry one too many times, singing old Gryffindor victory songs like they had so many times during their school days. Moody should be down there with them, healthy and happy, grinning roughly at his old comrade's son.

And now, another war... Her hands trembled as a labored wheezing breath tore from Moody's lips. He coughed and then sighed, still asleep. Even healthy, he was so old now. Would he be able to survive another war? Hadn't they already pushed the fates enough in their line of work? How many times could one be brushed with death before being completely covered with it? She thought of Rowan's screams, her burning flesh, of James and Lily's limp bodies, faces blank and cold. She thought of Alice and Frank's white hair and gaping mouths. Would she be the next?

"Mina."

Mina's head turned slightly at the sound of the deep voice. She'd heard him approach - he'd made no attempt at hiding himself - but she wasn't sure if she could even speak. He looked down at her sadly, hands balled into fists, lips twisting with grief.

"How is everything?" Sirius asked. Mina shrugged weakly.

"He's stable. He'll be fine," she said. Sirius gave her a soft, crooked smile.

"Well, I knew that. It'd take more than that to off Moody," he said. Mina's lips twitched upward strangely. Sirius' smile softened. "I was talking about you, too, you know." Mina shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm fine. There are more important things to worry about now," she said shortly, looking over Moody again. His face was slack, mouth parted slightly. He looked to be deep asleep. She wondered when he would wake.

"There's no such thing," he said.

Anger flickered in the pit of Mina's stomach. "Stop saying that," she muttered. She didn't have the time nor the patience for flowery words. It was disrespectful to all the other things they _did_ need to worry about - things like the magical community of England, like Harry. Sirius frowned.

"It's true," he said. Mina looked up, glaring. The tongues of her fire licked up into her lungs. His frown deepened at the sight of her expression.

"Stop it," she repeated. The anger flared at Sirius' confusion. How did he not understand? "Your pretty bullshit doesn't help me. It doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me feel worse! So fucking stop!"

"You think I'm saying it to make you feel better?" he asked dumbly. Mina's lips twisted furiously. The anger surged up her throat, seizing it. She could barely find register over her own words as she took in Sirius' form.

He was still thin, old. She could see glimpses of the Azkaban tattoos on his chest dully in the firelight. This man who had suffered so much was telling her that _she_ was the most important thing to worry about? Bitterness balled up in the palms of her hands. She fisted them in the blankets of her mentor's bed tightly, willing it to fall from her fingers. But the bitterness remained, the guilt. Her breath came laboriously as that old resentment came back again, the one of being the figure placed on the pedestal.

She didn't want him to love her unconditionally, as if nothing had changed. She wanted him to tell her how angry he was - about the time he'd lost, about the pain he'd endured, about the fact that she'd gone on without him. She'd practiced weeks upon weeks what she would say once she met him face to face again, preparing herself for the barrage of his resentment. But then none came. He'd simply sought her out like an eager dog again, just as he always had. But she didn't deserve it! She had walked on without him, turned a blind eye to all the gnawing doubts in her heart about his conviction and risen through the ranks of the same institution that had thrown him to the side as a scapegoat.

She was the worst.

But then Sirius fell to his knees in front of her. Mina opened her mouth to berate him again, but then his hands were in her hair, fingers gripping her closely to him. He kissed her.

Mina's fists flew up to push him away, but even as she beat at his chest, his lips remained firmly pressed to hers. He made no move to stop or guard himself from her strikes, even as her hands tore at his shoulders.

Her arms weakened, trembling as she felt the warmth of his lips soak into her. Tears leaked from her eyes. So long - it had been so long. The heat from her tears burned down her cheeks, soaking both his skin and hers and mixing with the sting of her anger. Finally, her fingers fell upon his shoulders, gripping at his robes desperately. And before she could stop herself, a sob tore from her lungs, muffled by Sirius' mouth on hers. Only when he was sure that it wouldn't come again did he pull away. His eyes were so bright.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, pulling one hand from her hair to cup her cheek. "I broke all my promises to you... all this time." Another tear feel from her eyes. His smile seemed to hold all the loneliness she'd felt over the last fourteen years. "I know you don't want pretty words, and nothing I say will make up for all the things I didn't. But when I tell you that there's nothing as important as you, it's true, at least to me." Mina shook her head rapidly, lungs heaving.

"Stupid! You can't - you can't just say things like-" she gasped. She shook her head weakly, unable to look at him. "You- it's about you. Why don't you- you should hate me!" He smiled sadly at her and pressed his forehead to hers. His heat, his weight - it was too much for her to bear. She'd buried all of these memories away long ago, determined to make her way without him. But now that he was here, holding her, all of the fortifications she'd slowly built were crumbling down. She wanted to kick and scream at him, to make him feel the anger and bitterness he should be directing at her. But at the sight of his gray eyes, the feel of his rough hands against her face, she couldn't find a coherent thought to express. Her hands reached up and tangled themselves in the dark hair she'd known so well. It felt exactly as it always had. It felt like home.

For a long time, he simply held her, cradled her. He knelt on the floor in front of her seated position, submitting at her feet. She hated the sight of him on his knees, but he remained there no matter how she pulled at his shoulders to meet her face to face on the same level. But he continued to hold her, hands running over her shoulders, up her back, into her hair. He was so much older now, so rough and harsh, but as she closed her eyes and ran her palms up his spine and over his broad shoulders, he felt exactly the same as he had as a young man. Where did the lines between the past and present fall?

Finally, he slowly began to pull away. Mina's hands continued to grip at his shoulders, but he brought one of his up to hold them quietly. He held her gaze with that searching look. It was hungry, starved. It was the look he'd always given her before - the one he saved only for her.

"I have to go," he whispered. Mina's eyes widened, hands trembling again as fear overtook her. He was leaving her again! Why was he being so cruel? His expression melted into a sad, understanding smile. One of his hands reached up to touch her face again.

"Don't worry. I'll be back," he said. "I have to go see our allies. Dumbledore asked me to." He thumbed away the remnants of tears at the corner of her eye. Mina's lips trembled as she allowed the words to sink into her. She gave a shaky nod but still couldn't find her voice.

But then he leaned forward slowly. Mina's breath came shallowly as she felt the roughness of the hair on his cheek graze against her skin. Then his lips pressed against the corner of her mouth. He then stretched his neck up and pressed another to her brow. And then the warmth of his mouth was gone. She opened her eyes to see the brown and gray flecks of his irises gazing intensely at her. Air seeped into her lungs slowly, stretching them beneath her ribs. Her lips ached.

"Soon," he whispered. "I won't have to keep running away from you." Mina closed her eyes and leaned against him once more. She nodded, and despite everything in her screaming not to, a small part of her believed him.

* * *

X.

The halls were lukewarm - neither hot nor cold. The bright light of the moon spilled in through the tall windows of the Hospital Wing as Rowan walked back to the infirmary from the Headmaster's office dazedly. She could barely hear her own thoughts - if she even had any anymore - and the feeling in her legs was dulled at best. Slowly, slowly, she crept back to the infirmary, taking one soft step at a time.

Harry was asleep there. He had been for a couple of hours now, left in Molly Weasley's care as she'd gone to meet Dumbledore. There were so many of the old guard there - Kingsley Shacklebolt, Dedalus Diggle, Mundungus Fletcher, Arthur Weasley, even old Elphias Doge. And Dumbledore would meet more of them tomorrow, including the old squib Arabella Figg who lived on Privet Drive by the Dursleys. Rowan had wanted to be happy to see all of her old comrades again, but there was barely a word said between all of them as the reason for their reunion fell upon them heavily.

Dumbledore had relayed Harry's tale to all of them quietly. Arthur had gone pale and gripped Rowan's shoulders in a brotherly way, but she'd been unable to hear the story again truly, simply choosing to stare deafly at the Headmaster's various whirring instruments until the story was done. And after, they immediately began planning their next steps - there would be a system of shifts set up to keep eye on Harry as he stayed at the Dursleys', and Kingsley would immediately begin looking to recruit young Aurors from the Ministry in secret.

Rowan wasn't allowed to see him. She still wouldn't be able to keep him with her, and contact between Harry and the wizarding world would be limited until further notice to keep public attention away from him, much to her despair. She didn't understand why - he was in just as much danger with the Dursleys now as he was with her - but Dumbledore insisted that the blood protective spells still remained intact from Lily's charm. Rowan had nearly made a fool of herself, overtaken with one last surge of anger, but Arthur had pulled her back with a stern look, and the anger had been extinguished with an icy wave of numb grief. The rest of meeting was silent for her, and when it was done, she had been unable to even say goodbye to the rest of the group, simply wandering from the office in a daze.

She'd walked and walked the halls in silence after, exhausted but lost to the waves of fear that threatened to break. She continued to push them back, pushing, pushing, until they were stopped precariously with a delicate seal. And so she continued to wander blindly, unthinking, unfeeling, until her legs grew too tired to continue. And so she'd turned back to the Hospital Wing where Harry slept.

But as she approached the infirmary, there was a tall slender figure standing outside its doors patiently. He looked up as Rowan approached with a grim expression that said he'd been waiting for her. She sighed tiredly. She didn't need this right now.

"Is he asleep still?" she asked quietly. He nodded.

"Yeah, Molly and Arthur are in there with him now," he said. Rowan nodded. Exhaustion crept forward into her arms and neck. Her head felt very heavy. She, too, wanted to sleep. She wanted to crawl into that small bed with Harry and hold him there in that dreamless sleep, where no one could reach them. Remus gazed searchingly at her.

"Are you-" he started. He seemed frustrated at his choice of words. "Are you all right?" Rowan gave the minutest shrug.

"I'm-" She stared hard at his chest. He didn't seem real. What if it was all just a dream? What if it was a terrible, long dream?

But from the ache in her legs and the soreness of her eyes, she knew it wasn't. Her hands balled into tight fists, the heat of whatever anger that lingered focusing into her palms. The fear and fury that she'd stored away earlier in the evening threatened to break through. Remus' brow furrowed as she watched the conflict tear across her face.

"No," she choked. "No, I'm-" Her lungs heaved.

When had Harry grown past the safety of her protection? Why couldn't she keep him safe? Her entire body began to tremble as the fear began to weigh down on her. Her lungs shook as that fear surged upward and thrashed. Remus' eyes widened as her torso seemed to slowly collapse in on itself. Her chest folded slightly, stomach sucking in painfully. Her innards seized and spasmed with the pain of her despair until she could only double over from the weight.

"Rowan!" he gasped, catching her by the elbows quickly. Her hands shot out to grasp his forearms to steady herself, but her chest seemed to double in weight, pulling her down to the ground. She choked on the heat at the back of her throat, gasping for air. Tears began to fall, blinding her, stinging her skin. A strangled sob tore from her lips. She gripped his arms almost to the point of pain and choked again.

"I can't-" she gasped. The tears were falling rapidly. "Why, can't I- I can't protect him!" she cried. Her head began to loll forward as well, knees starting to give out from fatigue. Remus' arms jerked forward up her arms to her ribs to get a better grip on her as she fumbled over her own limbs. Why couldn't she hold it together? She choked angrily on her tears and spit at her own lack of restraint, but the waves continued to rack her body. Remus' large hands held her now by the waist. Her own fingers clutched numbly at the fabric at his chest. Her forehead was pressed weakly against his sternum.

"Why?" she sputtered again. "Why does it have to be him?" Her cheek and mouth smashed against Remus' chest wetly, nose, eyes, and mouth smearing across his shirt. She was blind, deaf to his clumsy words of consolation.

She would later note thankfully that the door to the infirmary was closed so that Molly and Arthur could not see her in her pathetic state, but in those moments as she cried, she could think of nothing but James and Lily's son - the boy she'd promised to protect. But now she had broken her promise to her dearest friend - she'd allowed him to get hurt, to endure trauma that could never be undone. She'd failed as his godmother, and she couldn't confidently say that she'd ever be able to make it up to him or protect him from future harm. Remus rocked her on the floor of the corridor quietly, arms wrapped tightly around her as she clung to his robes, tears soaking into them shamelessly. He, too, had been unable to give promises, for they both knew they would be empty. And as the moon passed over them in the night sky, the dread of war filled their hearts again.


	29. 12 Grimmauld Place

**A/N:** Thank you so much to all of you who have been favoriting/following recently! Tonks makes her long awaited appearance.

**Beckky00:** Thank you for all the favoriting/following/reviewing! I'm amazed you cranked through that entire thing in a weekend haha. I grinned like an idiot when I checked my email earlier and saw all the notifications. I'm so glad you've enjoyed the story so far, and wouldn't you have it, Tonks shows up in this chapter! And Rowan x Remus wouldn't be any fun without a little Tonks disruption, right? Heh.

**Marylin C:** I'm so glad Mina x Sirius is growing on you, and yes, Rowan x Remus have a complex dynamic - one that will become clearer through the duration of OotP. They're both still trying to figure out their own feelings right now. Thank you for the review! I hope you're doing well too!

**Eirithdiel:** The ending to GoF is nuts, isn't it? I'd forgotten just how violent it was until I re-read it to write the last chapter, and I was amazed at how the violence could have slipped my mind. I hope that candy was good haha. Thank you for the review!

**CurseDoll:** Thank you! I love you too haha. Sorry for making you cry, sort of.

**Nikos Pyrr:** Bah, this website's so unreliable sometimes. At least it hasn't been crashing recently [for me at least]. But thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter so much. The next few chapters will dial down with the intensity.

**missalex3030:** Haaa yes, I'm glad you were home while reading that and that the jumps in POV didn't seem too abrupt or disjointed. I'm so happy you're rooting for Sirius x Mina so much. Thank you as always for the incredibly kind review!

**Lara-Cat:** Hahaha you're welcome! Thank you for reading/reviewing!

**SMGF1:** Thank you as always!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2003). _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**July 7, 1985**

_Rowan,_

_What is going on with you? With everyone? I've been writing to just about everyone, but no one will give me a single fucking answer about anything! Even Ron and Hermione are basically ignoring my letters, just sending me back crap like, "Sorry, we can't talk about it," or "Sorry, Dumbledore said we can't tell you." Does everyone know something that I don't? Has something happened? Why isn't anyone answering me?_

_I feel like I'm going insane being locked up here! Uncle Vernon won't even let me watch the news with him, so all I can do is read The Prophet. Even Rita Skeeter isn't writing anything! __I don't understand why there's no sign of anything in the paper. No disappearances, no murders - is it all being hushed up by the Ministry or is Voldemort just not moving? God, why won't anyone answer my questions? _

_You said you'd be here to protect me, but I haven't heard from you even once this summer. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Snuffles won't respond to my letters at all. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. Please write back soon. _

_- Harry_

* * *

**Chapter 28: 12 Grimmauld Place**

I.

The London night was hot and humid, sticky with summer once again. The sound of crickets and street cars hummed between the dark brick buildings of Grimmauld Place. A few teenagers giggled as they stumbled down the street for a night out, and an old woman poked her head out of a high up window to dump an old bucket of water out onto the street before closing the window once more. Out of the dark alleyways came a pop, and after a few seconds of rustled footsteps, a woman with dark hair and an older man with a silvery beard stepped into the dim yellow light of the street lamps from the darkness.

"You're sure it's here?" the old man asked gruffly. His companion nodded with an annoyed look.

"You weren't paying attention at all, were you?" she asked. He shrugged, and she rolled her eyes before looking back up at the house numbers.

Seven, nine, eleven - ah. The young woman stopped and nodded up to the dark looming townhouses around them. The older man frowned and stared as well. This must be it.

_The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix is located at 12 Grimmauld Place, London_, she thought loudly in her mind. A few seconds passed, but then space seemed to stretch and distort until houses eleven and thirteen pulled apart, revealing another in between: number twelve.

"Hurry," she whispered to the older man. He nodded, and the two ran up the stairs quickly. The witch pulled her wand out quickly and immediately tapped it upon the door, catalyzing a series of locks that could be heard unhinging in response in quick succession. Finally, the last clicked loudly, and she pushed through with the tall man following close behind where they were greeted with the musty air of old furnishings and a hissing old house elf.

* * *

II.

In all the years that she had known Sirius, Rowan Delacroix had never been to the "most ancient and noble" House of Black. In fact, no one from their group of tight-knight friends had ever even laid eyes upon the facade of the Black home, let alone set foot inside of it, even James. Sirius had come and gone from the Potter, Lupin, Surrey, and Delacroix households casually like an extra family member, but as far as his biological family was concerned, he'd never wanted his friends to associate with them if he had any say in it. And so it was a great surprise when Remus, Rowan, and Mina heard that Sirius had volunteered his old family home to the Order for their new Headquarters.

As Rowan stepped inside for the first time with Aberforth Dumbledore, she was immediately struck with the thought that Sirius had not thought this through. She'd immediately been overcome with a fit of sneezes from the large layers of dust and mildew that had built up in the house's disuse, and then the angry house elf who had greeted them at the door - Kreacher, she'd heard him refer to himself - had not exactly been the warmest of hosts. He'd cursed and muttered at them under his breath before Aberforth had thrown him to the side with an angry whip of his wand, earning another few nasty mutterings. Then with a crack, he was gone, leaving them to the silence. From farther in the house came soft voices. The two stepped in to find them.

"Wow," Rowan marveled breathlessly, walking deeper into the house with Aberforth. "Talk about old blood. I thought _my_ house was outdated," she said, recalling the old smelly furnishings of Delacroix Manor before they'd renovated it. She'd always known that the Black lineage was older than hers, and it was evident that they prided themselves in it. Or least they _had_ - Sirius was the last of the Blacks, and if he had any say in it, he would probably tear every family crest and painting down.

"Not so outdated. More like a dump," grumbled Aberforth. Rowan shot him an annoyed glare, which he returned shortly. She sighed as they reached a door from which the soft voices seemed to be coming. As they pushed through, they were greeted with the happy faces of Bill, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin.

"Hello!" they all chorused happily. Sirius leapt to his feet and ran over to greet them, shaking Aberforth's hand excitedly and then sweeping Rowan into a tight hug that forced the air from her lungs momentarily. She grunted slightly as he set her back down with a broad grin.

"Welcome to the old House of Black! Makes yourselves at home!" he said grandly, guiding them over to the table, where Molly was already pouring them a couple of mugs of tea. Sirius even pulled out the chair next to Remus for Rowan and bowed dramatically. She shot him a suspicious look, but he simply grinned and scooted her seat in under the table before sitting back down at the head. Remus smiled warmly at her, which she returned, ignoring the thumping in her chest.

"Abe, good man. How are you?" Arthur asked. The older man grinned and nodded, sitting down into a seat across from him with a plop.

"Not bad, not bad. Can't complain with you lot around. How 'bout yourself? How're those pups of yours doing?" he asked. He nodded to Bill and Charlie. "This one's looking mighty all right. How old are you now, boy?" Arthur beamed.

"The kids are great. Bill's twenty-four. Ron, Ginny, and the twins are at home tonight. Charlie's still working in Romania and recruiting abroad for the Order," he said. Abe nodded.

"Wait, isn't there another? What about-"

_Crack._

Molly gasped as the tall glass in Arthur's hands cracked right down the middle. Water began to drip slowly from the thin fracture, falling onto the table quietly. Rowan's eyes widened at the red, barely-held rage in the older man's face, hands shaking furiously around the now broken glass. Molly's lips began to tremble. Finally, Arthur sighed and placed the glass down quietly, careful to ensure that it didn't break further.

"Sorry," he muttered, pulling out his wand. With a slight tap, the crack disappeared, and the glass was fixed. He took a steady, shaking breath before looking up at Aberforth, who was frowning deeply with concern.

"What's happened?" Aberforth asked.

"Percy has... unfortunately chosen to move out," Arthur said stiffly. Rowan could see the stifled anger still lingering there. Molly let out a shaky little gasp, though she blinked the tears away rapidly. "He's been promoted to Junior Assistant to the Minister." Aberforth glowered.

"I see," he said knowingly. "So he's chosen his side."

Arthur nodded morosely and looked to Molly contritely as she shook herself violently, slapping her own face to clear her sorrow away. Rowan smiled sadly as the older woman pulled herself together.

"He'll come around soon!" she said fiercely, looking up with a determined look. Rowan nodded and beamed.

"Yeah, he'll see his mistake in no time. I'm sure he'll be back at home by Christmas," said Bill encouragingly. Molly nodded and smiled a bit too brightly around at them. She then looked at the table in front of Rowan and Aberforth with a deep frown.

"Oh, you two don't have anything to eat! Let me get you some supper!" she exclaimed, leaping to her feet and running back into the kitchen.

"No, Molly, it's oka-" Rowan shouted after her, but she was already gone. Arthur sighed quietly and also rose from the table to follow her out. Rowan stared after the swinging door before looking back to Bill, who smiled grimly at her.

"Just let her be. You know how Mum gets when she's upset," Bill said. "She'll probably give you a lot of food. I'll finish whatever you can't." Rowan smiled and nodded. She wasn't hungry, but she'd have to force herself to eat a second dinner, lest she make Molly even more upset.

_Thump!_

Rowan jumped in her seat as a loud noise came from the other room. Sirius groaned, turned, and threw a spoon at the door with a loud _clang_. The thumping stopped. Rowan stared incredulously at the dark-haired man, who turned around glowering.

"We have doxies," he said simply. She nodded.

"What else do you have?" she asked. He smiled wryly.

"Pretty sure we've got a boggart in the living room and maybe even a few dead puffskeins beneath the couch. Oh, and then there's that disgusting Kreacher. And have you met Mother yet?" Rowan's face screwed up with confusion.

"What?" she asked dumbly. "Isn't your mum dead?" Sirius grinned wryly. Remus sighed.

"She's left a portrait in the hallway. I'm amazed you two didn't wake her actually," he said, grimacing. "She's been keeping us up all night with 'blood traitors' and 'half-breeds.' That one is her favorite for me," he said lightly. Rowan frowned and thought back to the long velvet curtains that had hung in the hallway, apparently over a solid wall. There must be a portrait behind them. She made a note to remain very quiet the next time she ventured into the hall.

"I see," she said. "Sounds like this place needs a thorough scrub." Sirius nodded before taking on a slow grin.

"Your place is pretty clean," he said pointedly. Rowan scowled at him.

"What do I get for helping?" she asked.

"A foot rub?" Sirius suggested. Rowan snorted.

"You want me to help you handle dead puffskeins and all I get in return is a bloody foot rub?" she said incredulously.

"Well, when you put it like that," said Sirius. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"Wait, did you say she's keeping 'us' up at night?" piped up Aberforth. "You two having slumber parties?" he teased. Rowan snorted unceremoniously, earning a glare from Remus and a rough muss of her hair. Bill laughed.

"I'm living here," Remus said defiantly to Rowan and Aberforth. Rowan frowned. "Albus has asked me to stay here to keep this one-" he nodded to Sirius "-in line and to help manage Headquarters since there will most likely be a lot of activity now, and we can't expect Molly to always be around to help keep the place together." Rowan nodded thoughtfully. That made sense. Remus was organized and level-headed - he'd be able to keep the place running smoothly and maintain a good sense of judgment when Sirius got into his mood swings.

"What about your dad?" she asked. Remus shrugged.

"He'll be fine. I'll still go and check up on him regularly, but with the war, I imagine it'll probably be best if I'm not living there," he said. Rowan nodded darkly with understanding.

She, too, had begun lessening her visits home to see her mother, Alfred, and the children. The young ones had whined and complained about not seeing her anymore, but she couldn't explain to them that it was for their own safety. Carole, Alfred, and Isaac had all understood implicitly, and she had a feeling that Gillian, Lionel, and Morgan understood to an extent as well. They'd each been especially affectionate with her the last time she'd been there and had asked concernedly about Harry. She'd hugged each of them tightly and told them to look out for Carole, which they had, of course, promised to do with great fervor. She had never been so eager to see them get back to Hogwarts, where they would be safe.

Rowan hadn't seen Remus or Sirius since the night of the Third Task. Sirius had left to start activating the old Order veterans, and he'd been on the move until just recently. Remus had held her in the dark of the Hospital Wing as her cries had subsided and then brought her back into the infirmary where Molly and Arthur had been waiting. As she sat back down at Harry's bedside, he'd wrapped an arm around her shoulder consolingly until she, too, had fallen asleep dreamlessly. When she woke blearily at dawn, she'd found herself half-laying on Harry's bed, still seated in the chair beside him and covered in a familiar cloak. She'd held it to her achingly, inhaling the comforting smell of its owner in the faint light of the rising sun, all the while holding Harry's hand until he woke.

"Have you seen Harry at all?" asked Bill, reading Rowan's mind. She smiled bitterly.

"Seen him, yes. Talked to him, no," she said. Bill frowned deeply, leaning forward.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. Rowan's lips tightened.

"I've been working with old Arabella Figg and Mundungus on keeping an eye on him to make sure Death Eaters don't coming knocking. The catch is that I'm not allowed to actually speak to Harry or let him know I'm around," she said angrily. Bill's eyes narrowed.

"But why? It seems like he'd need you most now," he said. Rowan nodded.

"That's what I said, but Dumbledore's been adamant that we draw as little attention to him as possible. I feel so terrible about it. You should've read the last letter he sent me. He thinks I've abandoned him," she said sadly.

"At least you're allowed to write to him," Sirius said sullenly. "Dumbledore's not letting me respond at all. All I can do is just watch the letters grow more and more resentful. I'd be surprised if Harry didn't hate me by the end of the summer."

"What?" Rowan asked incredulously. "He's not letting you respond with anything?" Sirius didn't answer but glared angrily at his partially empty bowl and stabbed a piece of potato with his fork, mashing it to tiny pieces. Rowan glowered.

What was Dumbledore thinking? Keeping attention away from Harry was one thing, but isolating him completely was just going to make matters worse. He'd already been through so much trauma over the past month - wasn't it cruel to do this to him now?

"Do you know when we'll be able to go get him?" asked Bill. Rowan sighed and shook her head.

"Dumbledore won't tell us," she said for what felt like the hundredth time. "I keep asking, but he keeps giving me vague responses: 'Soon, soon.'" She thought of Harry alone in his aunt and uncle's house, waking up from another nightmare in the middle of the night and wondering why she and Sirius were ignoring him. Was he lonely? Was he afraid?

Remus squeezed her hand beneath the table. She stiffened slightly at the intimate gesture and couldn't bring herself to look at him.

Rowan was thoroughly confused as to where her friendship with Remus stood. Before the Third Task, he'd gone so far as to go see Claire for the Wolfsbane just to avoid her, but now, he was acting as if everything between them was back to normal. In fact, he was acting even more forward with her. Had the threat of war completely eliminated whatever concerns he'd had before? She wasn't even sure what had been bothering him, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to know now.

"Okay, it's hot! Eat up!"

Rowan sighed inwardly as she looked up to see Molly carrying two piping hot bowls of food for her and Aberforth. She slipped her hand from Remus' without a second glance and smiled up at Molly. Whatever doubts she had about Remus didn't matter for now. There were people with more pressing concerns, and if overeating a bit would help ease Molly's mind, then she'd just have to suck it up for now.

* * *

III.

_Thunk, thunk!_

"Order! The meeting of the Order of the Phoenix is now in commencement!" called Minerva McGonagall from the head of the long table. The rowdy voices hushed quickly as everyone sat and looked towards McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore, who were seated at the head. On the other side was Alastor Moody, and next to him was Mina Surrey. Rowan recognized all the friendly faces around the table except for a young woman, who sat giddily next to her best friend. She had bright violet purple hair and a leather jacket. She whispered something to Mina, who smirked and elbowed her lightly. The young woman giggled but then quieted and looked to McGonagall with everyone else. She must be a new recruit, Rowan thought. She'd never seen her before. Albus Dumbledore stood.

"Thank you everyone for coming. It's been a very long time," he said kindly, looking around the room. "To see everyone healthy and gathered here today - it warms my heart. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have us reunited again." A few pleased murmurs of agreement were shared, fond smiles shot back and forth. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled happily. Rowan felt that warm fondness in her chest - so many years had passed. Even though there were many missing faces - the McKinnons, the Potters, and the Longbottoms, for starters - it felt as if they'd lost no time together at all, picking up where they'd left off. Why had she been so nervous to see everyone again?

"We have so many familiar faces," Dumbledore said, nodding around to the veterans. "And it seems we have a couple of new ones as well." He looked warmly at the purple-haired woman and Will Surrey, who sat next to her. Mina nodded and stood steadily.

"I'd like to introduce our two newest recruits," announced Mina. She gestured to the pink-haired girl and her brother, who both stood quickly with broad grins. "This is my brother Lieutenant William Surrey and Private Nymphadora Tonks. They're both damn good Aurors, and I'm proud to say that I've had the pleasure of leading both on missions for the Ministry. I'm confident that they will be great additions to the Order."

"Oh, you're Ted and Andromeda's daughter," piped up Arthur, smiling at the purple-haired young woman. "Great people - your dad's a good friend. It's wonderful to meet you, Nymphadora," he said warmly. Rowan analyzed the young woman's face and noted the similarities there. She looked much more like Ted than Andromeda, unfortunately - Ted was a decent-looking man, but his wife was beautiful, as most Blacks were. But Tonks was still pretty in a quirky way with a heart-shaped face and large eyes. Something about the shock of purple hair suited her, Rowan thought fondly. The young Auror beamed.

"Yeah, they're awesome, aren't they? And please, call me Tonks," she said cheerily. Rowan smiled with amusement. She had a feeling this Tonks girl would be a riot to have around.

"And most of you know me already I think," Will said casually. "And to the few I don't, nice to meet you! I'll come say hello after." There were a few nods from around the table. Will smiled confidently - it was amazing how comfortable he was in his own skin. The two young Aurors sat down.

"Are there any other new recruits to introduce?" McGonagall asked around the table. A few glances were shared, but no one stood. Will frowned and leaned forward, facing Rowan.

"What about Verloren?" he called. Rowan's lips pulled into a tight line of conflict as she thought of Claire.

"I don't know," she said stiffly. "Claire is... Claire is strong - stronger than she gives herself credit for - but... I don't want her to get involved in this, not if I can help it." She thought of her wide-eyed apprentice, who wasn't exactly an innocent girl anymore, but still so sheltered. Wasn't that something precious, something to be cherished? "I know she'll want to follow my lead, but I don't want her to jump into this for me. I've already put her through enough hardship as it is," she said.

It was true. Claire already worked herself to the bone to assist Rowan over the years. She'd seen the worst of Rowan's failures and the best of her highs. She's pushed herself through the worst fear to dabble in the unknown and dangerous, and she greatly admired Rowan - she'd go headfirst into battle if Rowan asked her to, but that was the last thing she wanted.

"I think she'd be great," Will declared. Rowan gave him a wary look. "She's a bit on the nervous side, but she's stuck around with you all this time - I think that shows she's made of tougher stuff than is apparent." Rowan considered this thoughtfully. She tried to imagine the bashful expression on her apprentice's face if she were to hear Will's praise for her.

"Maybe you're right. I'll consider it," she said, nodding quietly. He grinned and leaned back in his seat cockily. Rowan gave him a curious smile. They were barely into his first meeting, and he already acted as if he were a veteran from the old days.

"Anyone else?" McGonagall called.

"I'm still in contact with a few of my former students who just graduated and am in the process of feeling that out, and Oliver Wood actually owled me recently. It seems he's interested in contributing but is unsure how to go about it. I'm meeting with him next week to discuss it," Remus said. A warmth filled Rowan's chest at the thought - he really had been a fantastic professor, hadn't he? McGonagall nodded.

"Wood is a good lad. I think you're right in recruiting him," she said approvingly. She then looked around again. Only two new recruits - Rowan grimaced slightly. They'd really need to pick up the pace if they were going to maintain a stronghold against the Death Eaters. They'd barely be effective if they only had veterans from the first war. Stewart and Eugenia suddenly came to mind. Perhaps she'd try to convince them to fight too.

"Well, if there is no one else, then we can continue on with Order business. First on the agenda is the matter of our new headquarters," said Dumbledore, gesturing around the room. "Since you all are here, I think we can say that word has successfully and safely been spread about our new location, which has been so generously offered by our own Sirius Black." She nodded to the black-haired man across from Rowan who smiled stiffly and waved around. Rowan beamed at him.

"It seems that everyone is aware of the terrible misunderstandings that led to Sirius' arrest and imprisonment, and the truth about our former ally Peter Pettigrew." Disquiet murmurs were heard around the table. Rowan and Remus shared a dark look at the mentioning of Peter. "Severus informs us that Peter remains at the Dark Lord's side, though it seems he has lost some favor at Severus' apparent return." Sirius bristled.

"How do we know it's just 'apparent'?" he called. Heads turned to face his interruption. "Just because you trust him doesn't mean the rest of us do. How can we know he's not actually betraying us?" Rowan grimaced - she'd had the same doubts. They all had.

"Given that we have not yet been ambushed by Death Eaters," Dumbledore said lightly, "I believe it is safe to say that we have not been betrayed. I will say it now and will again in the future: I trust Severus Snape."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue once more, but Mina shot him a glare that effectively silenced him. He shut his mouth but retained his glower. McGonagall sighed.

"Sirius, this is not the debate we should be having today," she said decisively. "The point we are trying to make is that Peter Pettigrew is with the Dark Lord, and because of this, he now has any knowledge of the Order and its members that Peter has." Rowan's glower matched Sirius'.

She'd had mixed feelings toward the ex-Marauder, but after the disastrous Third Task in June, she'd felt nothing but the coldest hatred towards the round man. When she'd seen the terrible wounds on Harry and heard how Peter had revived the Dark Lord with his blood, Rowan had been overtaken with a wave of fury, locking herself in her basement for the first time in years to simply scream until her voice was gone. Any doubts she had in her mind about his reasons for betraying them had burned away - he was dead to her, the lowest of lows. She hoped that one day she might have the opportunity to wrap her hands around his neck and squeeze until his eyes burst. She wanted to watch him writhe in agony for all the crimes he'd committed.

"So he'll know all the old members," said Emmeline, frowning, "but it's not like our identities were much of a secret at the end of the war, right? Did he know anything else critical?" She looked around the room, but no one seemed to think of anything.

"No, he rarely took part in the higher risk missions, and I don't think I ever had a conversation with him longer than two minutes," noted Sturgis Podmore thoughtfully. There were a few nods from around the table. Rowan frowned - how long had he spent in their midsts, planning to betray them? Had he withdrawn purposefully as to not draw attention to himself? Or had it been out of natural timidity? She supposed she'd never know now.

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now," McGonagall said. "Just be aware of anything that might have been said. It has been a long time, I know, but it cannot hurt to be wary." She looked down at her notes once more and then looked up with a grim expression. "The next item..." She waved her wand at a scroll of parchment by her hand, which floated upward and then unraveled gracefully, drifting down onto the table. It was an intricately drawn map of what looked like the Ministry of Magic. Dumbledore stood and then pointed his wand at the map. A series of figures rose from the parchment and began moving along the corridors. Rowan watched raptly - it was like the Marauder's Map.

"This is Level 9 of the Ministry of Magic," Dumbledore said. He flicked his wand, and a thin red line began to bleed from the page, snaking crisply around a large portion of the map. Rowan frowned. Much of the area within the square was blank. "And this is the Department of Mysteries."

Silence washed over the room as they gazed at the map. The little figures walked humanly, as if they were just miniature versions of their originals. Rowan saw her old schoolmate Broderick Bode emerge from the vast empty space that was the Department of Mysteries and then bristled as Lucius Malfoy walked down the hall. His tiny figure paused at the end of the corridor that led to the Department of Mysteries but did not approach it. After a long moment, he continued on his way, cane clicking softly against the parchment. Rowan wondered if the real Lucius Malfoy would be hurt if she were to stomp on this tiny version of him.

"As you have just seen, Lucius Malfoy is showing great interest in the Department of Mysteries," continued Dumbledore. A few looked back up at the Headmaster, but Rowan couldn't tear her eyes away from the map. That large blank expanse - it was eerie. Why wasn't there anything drawn? "Not much is known about what is within the Department, but I do know of the Hall of Prophecy, which is what is important to us."

Rowan looked up, startled. Dumbledore met her gaze knowingly. She stared hard at him.

The Hall of Prophecy - she'd heard rumors. And she remembered the one that Mina had heard Dumbledore discussing vaguely with Moody fifteen years before. It had involved Harry.

"It is imperative that no Death Eater enter this place," Dumbledore said gravely. Rowan frowned.

"Why?" asked Bill, frowning. "What's so important about it?"

"The Hall of Prophecy contains vital information that Lord Voldemort seeks - information about the ties that he has with Harry Potter; information that both he and I believe can tip the balance of power in either direction, depending on who has it. It is of the utmost importance that he never accesses this place, which is why I am requesting a new time schedule of Order members to guard the entrance of the Department of Mysteries at all times."

"So it'll be like our old watches within Knockturn Alley and the like?" asked Arthur. Dumbledore nodded.

"I don't believe we need have two on duty at once - it is unlikely that any Death Eaters will attack so boldly as to require more than one Order member at once, but it is still imperative that someone is there at all times," he said. Nods were shared around the table. Rowan grimaced - back to the late night watches, the long hours of silence and paranoia. It was really beginning.

"Those who work at the Ministry, unfortunately, will be the only ones who will have access after hours and will therefore be the only ones capable of undertaking guard duties there. As a result, everyone else will need to patrol areas like Knockturn Alley. It will be a lot of work, but I believe it is necessary," Dumbledore concluded. Rowan grimaced slightly - this would essentially split the Order down the middle and double the work load. So much for patrol with Arthur like in the old days.

"And last is Harry Potter." Dumbledore flicked his wand at the map once more, and it sprang up and closed with a snap before shooting back to his hand. He then looked to Rowan, and all other heads followed. Rowan nodded, mouth tight.

"Arabella Figg and I have been working closely with Dumbledore to keep an eye on Harry. I've been going to take up post around 4 Privet Drive every few days, but when I'm not there, Arabella and a few others-" she nodded to Mundungus Fletcher and Mina "-have been taking shifts to watch the Dursleys' house."

"How is he?" asked Kingsley. Rowan grimaced.

"He's... withdrawn. It's been a difficult month for him, understandably. He still has nightmares about the Third Task, and..." she paused and looked up to Dumbledore, who was gazing at her intently. "Professor, is there such a thing as curse connections?" Dumbledore held her gaze silently for a moment.

"What has he been seeing?" he asked knowingly. Rowan's brow furrowed - did he already know?

"I think he can see into Voldemort's thoughts," she said quietly. Molly gasped, but she paid it no mind. "He hasn't been telling me any details, but one of his letters a week ago or so disturbed me a bit. I think he's worried we'll think something's wrong with him. I don't think he's sure of what he sees, but it seems to me that every so often he catches a glimpse or a feeling that isn't his. Is he in danger? What does it mean?"

Once again, Dumbledore didn't answer immediately. She remembered that calculated silence in his office the night Harry had been taken from her fourteen years before. He certainly knew something but wasn't telling her. Resentment began to build in her gut.

"I have my suspicions, and I'm already preparing for Occlumency lessons for him this year," he said. Rowan's eyes narrowed.

"So it's a two-way connection," she said. Dumbledore simply shook his head.

"I do not know anything for sure, but I believe it better to take the precautions than regret it later," he said simply. Rowan glared at the Headmaster.

"But you wouldn't invest in such trying measures if you weren't fairly certain - you think Voldemort can see into Harry too," she said.

"All I can say is that I have theories, none of which can be decisively tested. All we can do is take the safest steps," he said. Rowan's throat tightened with anger.

"All these vague answers - do you have anything I can tell him to make him feel better or are you just going to dance around my questions?" she asked. Several heads whipped around to stare incredulously at her - no one ever spoke to Dumbledore like that. Even Remus frowned with confusion at her sudden outburst, but she ignored them all, face burning with indignation.

_We're guarding the prophecy from fourteen years ago, aren't we?_ she thought loudly in her own head. She hoped spitefully that he heard it.

The Order stared silently between them. Sirius, too, glared up the table at the Headmaster - the two godparents were quickly losing their patience. But still Dumbledore didn't answer, only gazing at them thoughtfully with a slight look of conflict on his face. Rowan opened her mouth to begin again but stopped as a hand took hers. She looked to her side to see Remus gazing at her intensely.

"Winnie," he whispered. He didn't move, but she could practically see him shaking his head at her. She fumed silently at him for a moment - she couldn't believe he was trying to defend Dumbledore - but swallowed down her anger and slumped back into her chair angrily, pulling her hand from Remus'. Staring at her lap for a moment, she considered her next question:

"When are we going to get him? He needs to be here with us," she said quietly.

"That is actually the next item on the agenda," said McGonagall. Rowan looked up to see the older woman shoot her a sympathetic look. Dumbledore was still gazing at her thoughtfully. She looked away from him defiantly but said nothing.

"We would like for Potter to remain at the Dursleys' for as long as possible this summer, but if the reports from Rowan and Arabella are true, it seems that the Death Eaters are closing in on him there, and it is unlikely that he will be able to submit to isolating himself in such an abusive environment much longer. He will undoubtedly wander out of the protective threshold, and when that time comes, we fear that he will be attacked at the first opportunity."

Rowan's throat burned as she thought of Harry alone in his room, avoiding the abuse of his aunt and uncle at every turn. She imagined him sneaking out - as he was wont to do - and being attacked without her even knowing. Would they be able to get there in time to protect him? Would he be able to protect himself? There were so many questions she wanted to answer - for him and herself.

"So we need to begin planning a retrieval team quickly. There is no finite date set yet, but we'll need to have one ready to go at a moment's notice," McGonagall said. Rowan looked up quickly, mouth opening to answer-

"Rowan, I think it best if you and Sirius remain here."

"What!"

Sirius shot to his feet before Rowan could even argue. His chair toppled backwards loudly, earning a soft gasp from a few of their allies. The look on Sirius' face was enough to make lesser men tremble. He glared venomously at the Headmaster.

"You can't be serious," he seethed. "You've made us stay silent all this time already, and now you won't even let us go to bring him here? Do you think we're completely incompetent?"

"Sirius, it's not competency. It's a matter of emotional investment. I simply think it better if we have purely objective, unattached members on this mission."

"Objective? You think Remus is unattached to Harry? Or Arthur or Will or Moody? Do you think any of us are?" he asked furiously, waving his hands around at the table. Rowan couldn't even bear to look up at him or at their fellow members.

"How can you expect us to take this? Harry's not just some pawn to be moved. We're not-"

"Sirius, that is enough!"

Dumbledore was now also standing, eyes cold and directed on the dark-haired man. Rowan's stomach lurched at the sight - an angry Dumbledore was a sight to behold. There was no question in her mind as to why the Dark Lord had never sought to battle him directly. But Sirius didn't cower or back down. He continued to bristle angrily, eyes narrowed and hard. Any anger Rowan had felt was suddenly gone in the face of her friend's fury. But then Sirius turned and threw his wand downward at the chair with an angry shout. It splintered, exploding on the spot into tiny shards. He then stormed from the room, and with a slam of the door, he was gone. Dumbledore sighed and sat back down, looking up at Rowan, once again calm.

"Do you have anything to add, Rowan?" he asked quietly. Rowan shook her head but held his gaze coldly still.

"You know how I feel," she said simply. He nodded but didn't respond. There was nothing he could say to make her feel better. He looked to the rest of the table.

"Alastor has already agreed to lead the team, but I would still like another to help organize this mission in the case that Alastor is unable to in case of an emergency," Dumbledore said. He looked around, and to Rowan's surprise, Remus raised his hand.

"I'll lead the team," he said. She felt him take her hand beneath the table with his other as he had earlier. She looked up at him wide-eyed, but his gaze remained on Dumbledore. The Headmaster nodded and gave a soft smile.

"Excellent. I will speak to the both of you after the meeting then. Thank you, Remus," he said. Remus nodded and glanced down at Rowan. In his one look she knew he'd done it for her - to give her peace of mind. She squeezed his hand tightly and smiled gratefully, sadly. He returned it, and then turning back to face the head of the table again, he released her hand. It felt warm.

* * *

IV.

Remus watched with a sigh as Rowan disappeared upstairs. Everyone else around the table had stood slowly at the end of the meeting, but the Potions Master had practically fled from the room to find Sirius as soon as McGonagall had said, "Meeting adjourned." He supposed he couldn't blame them for their resentment. He could only imagine the turmoil they were going through right now. They weren't the types to overlook the loneliness of their loved ones, always taking on the problems headfirst. Sirius was certainly too impulsive, but if even Rowan had been pushed to this point by Dumbledore's avoidance, then he couldn't criticize. Harry was James and Lily's son after all - they probably saw letting him down as a failure to their deceased friends as much as it was a failure to him.

Remus had just finished discussing the mission of the Advance Guard with the Headmaster and Moody and was now gathering up his belongings. He looked to the door again and wondered if he should go look for his friends. He wasn't sure what he'd say to them, but for some reason, he felt like he needed to see Rowan again before she slipped out unnoticed.

He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair. The sound of her heaving sobs from the night of the Third Task still echoed through his mind as they had in the long corridor of the Hospital Wing. That woman had managed to worm her way under his skin again without his noticing, but now she was there and couldn't be gotten rid of, it seemed. He wasn't sure if he even _wanted_ to be rid of her. But now that she was there, he felt a resounding ache from deep within, a howling he hadn't heard for a long time.

Fragile or strong - he couldn't tell what she was. One moment she was fighting fiercely for her godson and the next she could be in tears, clinging to Remus with all of the grief she'd stored inside of her for Merlin knows how long. The weight of the burden she carried was beginning to show, and though he wanted to help her with the load, it probably wasn't his place. Or was it? Where was the line?

"Remus?"

Remus turned to see the purple-haired girl and Will Surrey grinning at him. He smiled.

"Hello," he greeted, extending a hand to the young woman. "Nymphadora, right?" She scowled as she shook his hand. He noted it was very firm.

"Call me Tonks. Nymphadora is awful," she said. He smiled amusedly but nodded.

"Tonks it is. What can I do for you two?" Will grinned.

"We want to be on the Advance Guard. Got any room on that list of yours?" Remus looked down at the piece of paper in his hand. _Moody, Emmeline, Elphias, Dedalus, Kingsley, Sturgis, and Hestia._

"We need two more," he said, smiling up at them. He pushed away the nagging feeling at the back of his mind that whispered that those spots should be filled with Harry's godparents. The two young Aurors beamed.

"Sign us up then!" Tonks said cheerily. Remus smiled and nodded, pulling out his quill to scribble their names onto the list. _William Surrey._ _Nymphadora Tonks_. What a strange name.

"How're your mum and dad? I haven't seen them in a long time," he said to her politely. She cocked her head curiously. The modest gesture reminded him of Rowan.

"Do you know them?" she asked. He nodded.

"We fought together in the last war," he said. Tonks frowned.

"What? How old are you?" she asked incredulously. He gave a sheepish smile.

"Thirty-five." Her eyes widened.

"What! No! There's no way you're a day over thirty!" she exclaimed. Remus felt his ears burn. This girl had to be making fun of him. Even Sirius looked younger than he did, and Sirius had spent over a decade in prison.

"That's very kind of you, but I assure you I am thirty-five. I was in the same year as Mina," he said. Tonks scoffed.

"I don't believe the Major General is thirty-five either. That woman is either lying about her age or she's a vampire," she said. Will snorted.

"Yeah, she's a blood-sucking demon for sure," he said. "Damn woman is alw- _Ouch!"_ Will shouted with pain as a fist came down on his head. He then glared up at his attacker to find that it was his sister, glaring at him coldly.

"Watch it, or I'll drain you in your sleep," she threatened. Will rubbed his head and hissed at her. She rolled her eyes and looked at Remus with a soft smile.

"Fill that list?" she asked. He nodded.

"Yep. Thanks to Tonks and Will," he said, smiling warmly at the two young adults. Will scowled at his sister still, but Tonks beamed up at him, like a sunflower to the sun. He smiled awkwardly. This girl reminded him too much of Rowan. Something about it bothered him deeply.

But then he saw the door creak open quietly, and a dark head of hair appeared. Remus felt his face spread into a smile as he saw Rowan step into the room again quietly, looking around discreetly. Her face flushed slightly as she caught his eye. He grinned at the suddenly self-conscious mannerisms, which spread as she smiled sheepishly as she approached. Mina and Will also smiled, turning to greet her, and much to his surprise, Tonks bounded up to her boldly, sticking out her hand.

"You must be Rowan Delacroix!" she exclaimed happily. Rowan took her hand with a confused look and shook it firmly, giving a somewhat crooked smile.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm a bit out of it. It's Tonks, right?" The Auror beamed.

"Yes! It's wonderful to meet you! I've heard so much about you from Moody! I'm so excited to start working with you," she said. Remus smiled amusedly - it seemed Rowan had another admirer.

"Thank you. I'm eager to work with you as well," Rowan said warmly. "How long have you been at the Ministry?" she asked politely.

"One year out of the Academy just last month! I graduated from Hogwarts with Charlie Weasley," she said. Remus thought back to Charlie's age - twenty-two. Merlin, she was young.

"Damn, I feel old," Rowan laughed. Remus cherished the sound. It was so good to hear her laugh. When was the last time he'd heard it so bright in these dark weeks?

"No! I was just telling Remus here that I can't believe you all are thirty-five. You barely look like you're in your late twenties," Tonks insisted. Rowan laughed again.

"Ah, that's sweet of you, but believe it. Mina and I are a couple of old spinsters," she said, grinning up at the senior Auror, who smirked in return.

"I can't believe that either! There's no way you two are single. You're so beautiful!" Tonks continued. Will let out a barking laugh this time, earning an elbow to the ribs from his sister. Rowan blushed and shifted awkwardly. Remus could've sworn she saw her eyes flit up to him momentarily, but perhaps he'd imagined it.

"Yeah, well, it's hard to find a man who can keep up with our shit. Isn't that right?" Mina asked. Rowan grinned.

Remus watched quietly as the three women bantered easily. He noted a stiffness in Rowan's neck and the way Tonks would glance at him brightly every so often with a sense of uneasiness in his stomach. Rowan seemed to notice it too, shooting Remus a curious look at one point silently. Eventually, Will tiredly dragged Tonks away and shouted for Mina to finish up as well. The senior Auror hugged Rowan goodbye and nodded to Remus before following her two subordinates out. With a few more bright giggles and a slam of the door, they were gone, leaving Rowan and Remus to the silence. She sighed.

"She seems fun," she said amusedly. Remus nodded.

"She does. Quite a name she's got," he said. Rowan grinned and nodded.

"Something about the women in that family, eh? They've all got weird names," she said. Remus smiled fondly - Narcissa, Bellatrix, Andromeda, and now Nymphadora. Perhaps it was in their blood.

"How's Sirius?" he asked, looking to Rowan. She sighed.

"As to be expected. He's brooding with the hippogriff. I have no idea how he manages to keep that thing calm," she said. Remus grimaced and nodded.

"And what about you?" She shrugged.

"Doesn't matter. There's nothing I can do about it," she said tiredly. She then smiled up at him in that gentle way that made his ears burn. "Thank you though - I admit that I feel a bit better knowing that you'll be leading the team," she said. He nodded and tried to smile naturally, afraid it might come out too broad.

"Of course, I want to see Harry here safe as well," he said. Rowan smiled but then looked up at the clock at the wall with a sigh.

"I should get home. Work in the morning," she said. Remus frowned.

"Are you going to be okay getting home alone?" he asked. Rowan rolled her eyes but smiled.

"I'll be fine. You should go check on Sirius. Maybe take him a butterbeer or something. He could use a distraction," she said. Remus nodded but didn't move. He didn't feel right about watching her go alone. Hadn't he always walked her home after meetings? Was it appropriate to even suggest it now?

"Okay," he finally acquiesced. "Just be careful." Rowan nodded and waved his concerns away.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine," she said, heading to the door and sweeping her bag up from the floor. She then stopped and turned before reaching into her bag. She pulled a dark cloak from within and held it out for him with a shy smile.

"This is yours. I washed it and everything. Sorry it took so long to get it back to you," she said. Remus smiled and took it with a nod.

"Of course. I hope it kept you warm," he said. She nodded.

"Very warm," she said, smiling. Remus' stomach lurched. She then turned back for the door. "Well, I'll see you later. I told Sirius I'd come by this weekend to help clean up the house a bit." Remus nodded.

"See you then." And with a smile and wave, she was gone. Remus sighed and looked down at the cloak in his hands. He noticed that the small hole that had been forming at the seam of the left sleeve had been sewn shut a bit clumsily, but effectively. He smiled softly to himself. She was always mending all of his little cuts and tears, wasn't she?


	30. Green-Eyed

**A/N:** HEY, HAPPY THANKSGIVING. To all the non-Americans, Happy Thanksgiving, anyway! My gift to all of you is a **DOUBLE POST.**

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2003). _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**July 31, 1985**

_Dear H.,_

_Happy birthday. I know this is pretty dismal as far as birthday cards go, but I'm still not allowed to say much. I'd wanted to send you something, but apparently, parcels aren't allowed either. I really am so sorry. I promise to make it up to you as soon as we get you out._

_I know you're probably furious with me right now. I can't blame you. I'm amazed you've sit still there all this time. I probably would've been expelled by now if I were in your shoes just out of sheer boredom. But I promise that we're coming to get you soon. I swear. It's just that we're waiting for the right time. I know it'll be soon. _

_I'm so sorry again, H. When you're here with us, I'll tell you everything, and we'll have a belated birthday celebration to make up for missing today. Just know that I'm thinking about you everyday and working my hardest to get you out of there. I'll see you soon._

_Love,_

_R._

_P.S. S. wants you to know that he's thinking about you too. He's under even harder restrictions than I am for obvious reasons, which is why he can't respond. He's quite the wreck right now. You'll understand why when we see you. Sending you all our love. _

* * *

**Chapter 29: Green-Eyed**

I.

Claire Verloren tried to pat down her hair unsuccessfully for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. It was frizzy again, sticking up at odd angles with the humidity, which clung stickily to her her skin. It seemed that, no matter what styling charms she used on it, she was simply doomed to having a messy tangle of blonde hairs, standing up on end.

It was hot, painfully so. Summer had hit Hogsmeade hard with a vengeance as they headed into the latter half of July. Claire scratched tenderly at her shoulders, which were singed pink from the unforgiving sun. It hadn't rained in weeks, but if the humidity was any indication, hopefully the sun might be blotted out soon for a day or so. She could certainly use the reprieve from the blistering heat.

Speaking of messy hair, Claire looked over at her master, whose dark mass seemed to be even wilder than usual. One wouldn't be able to tell though by looking at her face - Rowan seemed to not even notice her frizzy locks, which had simply been twisted haphazardly and pinned to the top of her head with a glass stirring rod. Claire wondered if she'd even combed it recently. She frowned.

Rowan had been in one of her fits of mania for the past few weeks again. It'd been a while since her last, but this one seemed to be on the extreme end of the spectrum. Claire usually tried to stay up with her master during these stretches of late nights, but even she had been forced to throw in the towel and go home while Rowan was still working. She wanted to tell her master that she needed to sleep, but she knew that it would do no good - whatever was bothering her would keep her awake until she had worn herself out to the point of collapse.

Whatever that something was this time, it must be bad. Claire hadn't seen Rowan in such a state in a long while, but unfortunately, she couldn't figure out what it was this time. Remus hadn't come by the London shop the day before for his Wolfsbane, so Claire could only assume that he'd come to Rowan this month. Had something happened between them again? She wanted to bring it up, but she didn't want to pry. Her master's private life was hers only, after all, and if she didn't want to share it voluntarily, did she have the right to ask?

The other possible source of her worries might be Harry. Claire grimaced inwardly. She'd heard whispers from her friends at the Ministry who said Fudge and Dumbledore were in a heated battle over the legitimacy of Harry's claims - that the Dark Lord had risen once again. Claire had a hard time believing it. You-Know-Who was dead. Everyone knew it. Why else had the war ended? There couldn't have been fourteen years of peace if he'd been alive all this time, and no one can simply come back from the dead.

That had to be it. Rowan had been restless ever since the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament when Harry's stories had started spreading and that poor Hufflepuff boy had died so mysteriously. Owls had started coming at strange hours to the laboratory with small little messages that Rowan would read quickly and then immediately burn, and the barman from the Hog's Head had even stopped by a few times late in the night only to mutter little things to her and then disappear as quickly as he'd come.

What exactly were the contents of those tiny messages and rendezvous? Rowan had even left a couple of times in the middle of the night, leaving Claire in the laboratory to lock up alone. But Rowan lived above the shop, so she wasn't going home. Was something wrong at the orphanage? But she wouldn't be going in the dead of night to check on the children. Even if her mother was struggling, Alfred and Isaac were there. The idea of her going to meet with a man was absolutely ludicrous. So what was it?

"That's enough for today." Claire perked up, surprised to see Rowan already stacking her notes up neatly.

"What? So soon?" she asked. Rowan nodded and pulled her goggles off.

"Yeah, I promised some friends I'd meet them for dinner," she said. Claire frowned and glanced up at the clock. She supposed that made sense for this time in the evening.

"Mina?" Claire guessed. Rowan smiled, but she didn't respond. Claire frowned. "What?" she urged. "Remus?"

Rowan didn't answer still. Her smile faltered slightly, and Claire could tell she was considering something. She watched her master warily for a moment.

"What did you think of the front page of _The Daily Prophet_ today?" she asked suddenly. Claire's brow furrowed as she thought back to the bold, controversial title: _ Boy-Who-Lives Delusional?_ She'd actually half-expected Rowan to rant angrily about it as soon as she'd arrived, furious about the paper's attack upon her godson, but she hadn't mentioned it even once until now. She frowned.

"What about it?" she asked.

"What do you think about what the paper's saying about Harry and Dumbledore's claims?" she elaborated. Claire shifted uneasily. Rowan's tone was casual, but it was a loaded question. Should she be honest?

"I don't know... They seem quite bold, don't they? But Dumbledore's never wrong, and Harry's never seemed like an attention-seeker to me through all the stories you've told me about him," she rambled nervously. "The article's quite nasty I'd say. I obviously can't argue one way or another about what's true, but a part of me can't believe that what he's saying is true, even though my brain says there must be some truth there, right?" she rambled. Her cheeks were burning now. She was sure they were magenta. Rowan held her gaze steadily still. She fidgeted again, and then Rowan nodded.

"I see," she said thoughtfully. She stared at her for another moment longer and then looked away. Claire took a big gulp of air with relief as the pressure was suddenly relieved. Rowan had always had a strange way of making her feel exposed, but this was even more intense than usual. The paper must really be bothering her.

"Is Harry doing okay?" she asked tinily. Rowan shrugged, but Claire caught a glimpse of a sad expression there. She hadn't mentioned seeing Harry at all that summer - had something happened?

"Angry, as is to be expected, but there's nothing he can do about _The Prophet_ right now," she said, covering up the cauldrons carefully. Claire nodded.

"So you believe him," she said. Rowan didn't respond for a moment. She twisted a lid onto a jar of shimmering white unicorn horn. Her mouth pulled into a taut line for a moment before looking to Claire with that intense gaze again.

"There's nothing about it to believe or disbelieve. Lord Voldemort has certainly returned."

The blood drained from Claire's face as she heard that most dreadful of names slip from Rowan's lips. She'd never heard Rowan say that name. She gaped with horror at her master, who seemed to draw up with even more determination. How could she hold herself so confidently after uttering the name of someone so evil?

She'd always had her suspicions regarding her master's involvement in the war. It was widely accepted as fact that the Delacroixs were Dumbledore supporters, and Rowan had never made any attempts to hide her own personal loyalties. All of her closest friends seemed to be former Order members as well.

The Order of the Phoenix - she hadn't thought of that group in many years. She'd been so young when the war had ended that it'd always seemed like an elusive group of superheroes - things of urban myths, not anything substantial. But it seemed the more she got to know Rowan and the circle of impressive people around her, the more that hazy faceless group seemed to come into focus. Had Rowan really been a part of that? Had she fought Death Eaters, cloaked in the darkness of night? Is that from where the owls were coming?

And then there were those scars. Claire had noticed the stiff way Rowan seemed to favor her right shoulder, and she'd seen the milky white marks along her back and shoulder numerous times over the years when the weather would get too hot, and she'd shed the layers in favor for loose tanktops. She seemed somewhat self-conscious of them still, even after all these years, and she'd dodged the few inquiries Claire had floated out tentatively about them. Claire still didn't know from where they came, and she wasn't sure if she'd ever know definitely. But whatever their source was, it must have been painful, traumatizing. No typical injury could leave scars like that, not with proper magical healing procedures. Whatever had marked her shoulder like that had been dark.

That answered it all for her though, didn't it? Rowan had been marked with dark magic, and the most likely reason for that was-

"There's going to be another war soon, Claire, and I will be fighting in it," she said plainly.

Claire's eyes widened. She stared dumbly at Rowan, who gazed back with that closed-off look she saw every so often in her master's face, the one that made her distinctly feel the barrier between them. Claire's hands began to tremble at the quiet flame in Rowan's eyes, though it softened slightly at the sight of Claire's obvious fear. There was some pity there. Her face burned again. Was she really so blatantly pathetic?

"But... But how do you know? The Ministry - they said-" she started.

"The Ministry can try to shut off their ears, but telling ourselves that there are no monsters under our bed doesn't mean that they won't crawl up and snatch us while we're asleep." She paused and seemed to consider her next words.

"I understand that this is a lot to process all at once. I wouldn't ordinarily bring this up with just anyone, but I know that I can trust you, and I know that you deserve to understand the truth.

"I want you to think long and hard about what you want to do. And really, think of it for just yourself, for _you."_ Rowan gave her a heavy look that seemed to weigh into Claire's lungs. "If you stay much longer, you will be associated with me, and that will undoubtedly push you into an entirely new world of troubles. You can choose to either leave the apothecary or take a larger role. I'll support whatever decision you make." She then blew out the flames beneath the cauldrons and removed her goggles. She smiled softly at Claire again.

"Can you lock up for me?" she asked. Claire stared dumbly for a moment, taken aback by the sudden simple question. She nodded vaguely. Rowan smiled with understanding and moved towards the door.

"Be careful getting home tonight," she said over her shoulder. And with a chime of the bell, she was gone. Claire stood in the middle of the back room alone.

* * *

II.

"Is Rowan here yet?" Hermione asked. She and Ginny looked around the dining room eagerly.

"She said she'd stop by tonight for dinner," said Sirius over _The Daily Prophet_. Hermione bounced giddily at this and plopped down into a seat at the table. Ginny followed suit, and they laughed over a private joke. Remus smiled amusedly at the girls' obvious adoration for Rowan. The dark-haired woman always seemed to have at least a couple young admirers.

Hermione and the Weasleys had essentially moved into the house with Sirius and Remus over the past week, much to Sirius' delight. Though Remus preferred a quieter house in general, his best mate was slowly losing his mind from being locked up in the old Black family residence all day and night. With the new banging noises coming from the twins' room and the giggles from Hermione and Ginny's, 12 Grimmauld Place was slowly but surely becoming a much brighter, warmer place, and one that Sirius could tolerate. Once they retrieved Harry from 4 Privet Drive, Sirius might finally be able to rest at ease.

But they still weren't sure exactly when that would be. Nearly a month had passed since Sirius and Rowan's fierce debate with Dumbledore, and there was still no definite word on when the Advance Guard would be proceeding. Dumbledore seemed to be waiting for something, though none of them were sure what it was. Mina had stopped by a couple of times with Moody to help plan preparations for the Advance Guard and had informed Remus that Rowan was keeping herself busy with work to keep her mind off of Harry, though from the concerned look on Mina's face, it seemed the Potions Master's attempts at distraction were not turning out successful.

Remus had also noticed the new strange dynamic between Mina and Sirius. They seemed to have a new silent understanding of something, though he couldn't figure out what it was. On a few occasions now, he'd found them huddled closely in the kitchen together, speaking in hushed tones, and he'd even walked in on them at the entrance foyer with Sirius' face lowered dangerously close to hers. But other than those few stolen moments, he hadn't noticed any new intimacy when in the company of their friends - none of the old familiar touches they'd shared before the end of the first war. They were obviously not ready to declare themselves "a couple," but there was certainly something there. He wanted to ask Sirius about it, but when Mina or Rowan wasn't there, he was usually brooding in his room, clearly not wishing to be disturbed in his self-loathing. Remus wondered if Rowan knew anything about it - perhaps he should ask her instead.

Remus looked up as he heard the locks of the front door begin to unhinge. After a few moments, there were a few footsteps and the clicking of the door. A few murmurs were heard and then a shriek and loud crash. Everyone in the kitchen cringed as another screeching voice rang out into the air.

"_BLOOD TRAITORS! IN THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS! GET OUT! GET OUT! HOW DARE YOU TARNISH THIS NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK WITH YOUR FILTHY MUDBLOOD-STAINED HANDS!"__  
_

Sirius leapt to his feet and sprinted into the hall. Remus grimaced.

"_Shut up! Shut the hell up, you fucking cow! SHUT UP!" _came Sirius' voice. There was the sound of a scramble and wrestling curtains, but finally, the booming voice was muffled. There was a broken apology, and footsteps again. Sirius appeared in the doorway once more, hair disheveled and face screwed up with frustration. Behind him came an exasperated Rowan and a very contrite Tonks.

"Sorry, everyone - tripped on an umbrella stand," she mumbled. Remus smiled amusedly as the young woman sat down next to him with an embarrassed look and then glanced up to see Ginny and Hermione leaping to their feet and engulfing Rowan in a hug. She laughed as she hugged them back, quickly forgetting the chaotic ordeal from just the moment before.

"Finally!" Ginny cried. "We've been waiting ages for you! Where have you been?" Rowan smiled as she pulled away.

"Sorry, sorry. Been busy with work. You know how it is," she said vaguely. Ginny pouted, but the two girls released her and scooted their seats apart to squeeze Rowan in between. Remus smiled warmly at her from across the table.

"You look rested," he said. Rowan smiled crookedly.

"Do I? I don't feel it," she said. "Oh, before I forget-" She pulled her bag onto the table and started rummaging through. Finally, she pulled a large clear glass container out with a flourish and clunked it down onto the table. Smoke rolled and swirled chaotically within. Tonks' eyes widened.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Wolfsbane," Rowan said casually as she pushed it across the table to Remus. As the jar hit his hands, he glanced over at the young woman, who seemed to be thinking very hard. He was under the impression that everyone in the Order knew about his condition, but perhaps Moody and Kingsley had forgot to mention it to Tonks.

"Wolfsbane?" she echoed with confusion. Hermione gave her a strange, didn't-you-know expression.

"Yeah, for Professor Lupin," she said slowly, as if it were obvious. Remus looked awkwardly between the two young women. Rowan didn't even seem to notice Tonks' confusion, already summoning a tall glass from the counter. It clinked down on the table, and then she reached into her robes pocket and procured a small green vial.

Finally, Tonks' face lit up with understanding. She looked up at Remus with wide eyes full of wonder, and Remus realized with a sheepish grimace that, indeed, no one had told her about his condition.

"You're a werewolf?" she asked bluntly. Ginny looked like she could jump into a fight on Remus' behalf at any moment, and Hermione eyed the Auror warily. Remus smiled shiftily, unsure of how to answer.

"Yep," Rowan answered efficiently for him. He glanced at her to see that she was now stirring the green potion with a sort of amused smile. She then looked up and grinned at him, completely ignoring Tonks' awkward moment of discovery. Somehow, her reaction was somewhat comforting. He couldn't help but smile back as he accepted the glass. Her grin spread even wider. "Do it in one go? You can drink straight from the jar," she said. He nodded, not even perturbed by the idea of the bitter potion for once. He opened it almost eagerly. The smoke erupted from the glass and started rolling over the table.

"Have you come up with a name for that one yet?" Ginny asked, gesturing to the small green vial Rowan had just stopped.

"No, not yet. Isaac vetoed Stewart's suggestion of 'Werewolf Power Juice,'" she laughed. The two younger girls giggled. She then nodded to Remus teasingly. "Better pay attention, Professor. Don't want you spilling my hard work," she said. He gave her a glare and then grimaced down at the potion, suddenly realizing that he was going to have to chug the terribly bitter mixture. He sighed.

"Damn it," he said morosely. And then he raised the glass to his lips and drained it quickly, eyes burning.

With a gasp, he slammed the container onto the table and snatched the green potion quickly, drinking it steadily and letting it coat his tastebuds thoroughly. Ginny and Hermione laughed a bit at his grimace. Tonks watched raptly with wonder.

"Damn it," he choked again as he finished the last of the potion. Rowan smiled lightly as she took the glass and container from his hands.

"Never gets better," she teased, standing from the table with the used glasses towards the sink. Remus shook his head.

"Never gets better," he agreed. The playful smirk she sent his way as she passed by him for the sink sent a slight shiver down his spine. He shot her a fond smile before turning back to the girls, who were both grinning knowingly at him. He glared at them to keep their mouths shut.

"Do you have to do that every month?" Tonks asked suddenly. Remus turned, remembering that the younger woman was there. He noted with some relief that there was no fear or accusation in her gaze, only curiosity. He smiled. That open look of wonder reminded him of a small child.

"Every day for a week up to the full moon," he said. Her eyes widened. He noted they were a very normal shade of dark brown-green, as opposed to the almost aggressive color of her hair.

"So you'll do it again tomorrow?" she asked.

"Everyday for the next week," he repeated. Tonks stared at him as if he were a new species she'd never seen before.

"Amazing," she breathed. He smiled - she was perhaps a bit ditsy, but she was certainly a kind, open-minded girl. At least she wasn't asking the usual probing questions of "How long?" and "How did it happen?" She then craned her neck to look at Rowan, who was rinsing a now clean pair of glasses next to Molly at the sink. "And you invented those potions?" she called. Rowan looked over her shoulder with bashful surprise.

"Erm, the green one. I only helped with the Wolfsbane," she corrected. Remus smiled warmly at her humble response in contrast to her almost defiant show of normality just moments before.

"She's being modest. The Wolfsbane wouldn't exist without her," he said proudly. He caught a slight blush on her before she turned around quickly. Molly smiled knowingly at her but said nothing as she continued stirring a tall pot of soup. Sirius put down his newspaper dramatically with a slapping hand.

"I'm bored!" he declared. Molly jumped slightly with surprise at the counter, then turned and glared at him, though he didn't notice. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"Why don't you go clear the dead puffskeins?" she suggested. Sirius gagged.

"And dirty my delicate hands? What sort of brute do you think I am?" Remus snorted.

"Have you seen your hands recently? I can't see anything 'delicate' about them," he said dryly. Sirius looked down at his hands and grimaced. It was apparent that he hadn't placed his hygiene at a high priority level since moving back home. Indeed, the only times he seemed to even put the slightest effort into grooming was when he knew Mina would be stopping by.

"How about we cut that delicate hair of yours then, your Majesty?" Rowan suggested. "No better way to clean up the house than starting with its master." Ginny and Hermione's faces lit up at the proposition, but Molly turned with a glare.

"Not in here! If you lot are going to making a mess, you can go upstairs! The last thing I want is dirty hair in my food!" she scolded. Ginny and Hermione leapt to their feet, rushed Sirius, and started dragging him from his chair.

"Upstairs!" Ginny cried.

"Yes, I'll get my shears! We can do it in our room!" Hermione squealed. Rowan laughed and stood to follow them out as they disappeared behind the swinging door, but she stopped and looked back at Remus.

"Coming?" she asked. He shook his head with a smile - perhaps he might get a bit of quiet with them upstairs.

"No, it's okay. I suspect I'll only get in the way," he said. She smiled and nodded then looked to Tonks with the same question. Remus noted that the young woman shot him a curious look before also shaking her head. He frowned - he felt that nagging voice at the back of his mind again, though he couldn't discern what it was saying.

"No, that's okay. As you've already seen, I'm a right clumsy mess. I'll probably take someone's eye out if I try to help," she joked. Rowan gave a comical grimace.

"Oof. Fair enough. All right, we'll be back down in a bit," she said. And with one last bright smile, she was gone. Tonks turned definitively upon Remus with a very determined look. He gave an awkward smile.

"Have you set a date for the Advance Guard yet?" she asked. Remus felt himself mentally recoil at the suddenness of her question. She certainly wasted no time with small talk. He shook his head.

"No, not yet. I imagine it will be in the next couple of weeks though. We can't keep Harry there much longer without him going mad," he said. He thought of the teenager and wondered how he was faring. He grimaced inwardly - probably poorly. If Rowan and Sirius were about to lose their heads over their restricted communication, he was most likely inconsolable at this point, for he had _no one_ to discuss the recent events. He hoped Dumbledore gave them the okay soon, if not for Harry then at least for his godparents. Tonks nodded.

"What's he like?" she asked.

"Harry?" echoed Remus. He paused thoughtfully for a moment and smiled. "He's very sharp, quiet... on the sensitive side. He's a very good kid," he said fondly.

Tonks' smile spread wider and wider as he described the boy until she was beaming. Remus noted she seemed much prettier when she smiled than he'd originally thought. Her purple hair was off-putting at first glance, but as he grew used to it, it seemed to add something to her features. He wondered mirthfully what Rowan would look like with purple hair.

"I heard he can do a corporeal Patronus already. Is that right?" she asked. Remus smiled and nodded.

"Yes, a stag - he's remarkably gifted; a lot like his parents," he said fondly.

"They named Rowan and Sirius as his godparents, right?" Tonks continued. "They seem to care a lot about him. I can't imagine how hard it's been for them to stay away from him right now." Remus nodded.

"Yeah, it's been wearing on the both of them, I'm sure. They're both fiercely protective of him, though I suppose it's to be expected considering the time they've lost with him." Tonks nodded again.

"Mina told me a bit about that. It's really an amazing story, theirs. It's almost unbelievable what they've been through for him," she breathed wondrously. Remus nodded, smiling fondly - he supposed it _was_ quite the incredible story from an outside perspective.

Tonks tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I'm amazed at the level of maturity they have. I can't imagine trying to share custody of my best mate's child with an ex-lover. They must really care about him," she said. Remus frowned.

"Ex-lover?" he echoed. He looked at Tonks strangely as the realization slowly dawned on him, eyes widening with horror. "Sirius and Rowan?" he asked incredulously. "You think-?" he sputtered. She frowned with confusion.

Remus nearly choked on his own spit. Sirius and Rowan? Ex-lovers? He tried to imagine it in his mind, only causing every fiber in his body to scream in rejection.

"No, no, no! Sirius and Rowan have never... They're just friends!" he insisted quickly. He could feel his ears burn. Why was this so horrifying to him? Tonks' face turned pink with embarrassment.

"Oh! Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry! I just thought- I mean, since they're both godparents, I thought it was because they were together when Harry was born, so it was natural for them- Oh, I'm so embarrassed!" she gushed. Remus shook his head, willing his heartbeat to slow.

"No," he said again, firmly. He took a deep breath. "No," he said, calmly this time. "It's because Sirius and James were best mates, and Rowan was James' godsister. They were separate choices. They've never been together," he said finally. Tonks nodded slowly with understanding.

"Gotcha. That makes sense," she said. She grinned contritely. "Sorry if that freaked you out. I know better now." She paused thoughtfully. "It's just that they seem really close, and you have to admit they'd look pretty decent together," she noted.

Remus frowned deeply. Something deep in his gut clawed painfully. Sirius and Rowan? He'd never even considered that as a possibility - not since he'd awkwardly asked Rowan in their Fifth Year if she were attracted to Sirius. He still remembered her panicked revulsion at the suggestion:

_Sirius? No, never!_

He grimaced inwardly. He'd never suspected Rowan of being attracted to Sirius again after that - never even entertained the thought. But he supposed chemistry could change between people, and Sirius and Rowan had certainly changed leaps and bounds since their Fifth Year at Hogwarts. Could they be compatible now? Sirius had spent a large amount of time with Rowan alone over the past few months in Hogsmeade, and they seemed to have a new sort of bond, a deeper one. Could it be based off of romantic feelings? Sexual ones?

"Sirius and Rowan? Ha! I'd pay money to see that!"

Remus jumped slightly, suddenly remembering that Molly was in the room with them. He turned to see the woman laughing haughtily at her own joke. She turned and gave Remus an amused look.

"Can you imagine? Sirius whining to her everyday when she's working her bum off running her apothecaries? She'd blow up all of Headquarters within a week just to get him to shut up!" she said. Remus grinned, relief suddenly setting into his stiff neck. Yes, that sounded about right. Sirius and Rowan certainly got on, but if there were anything physical between them, it would involve fists and flailing feet.

As if on cue, there was a loud thump from above them, a whimper, and then a muffled shout:

_"Sirius, if you don't fucking sit still, I'll buzz it all off!"_

Molly let out a loud laugh as Sirius bickered back something unintelligible, followed by the high giggles of Hermione and Ginny. Remus grinned and turned back to face Tonks, who was beaming as well - at him. She opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by Molly again:

"Yes, Rowan needs someone patient, a gentle soul. I think she prefers quieter, sturdier men - lone wolf types, if you will." She turned and gave Remus a pointed smile. His stomach lurched at that knowing look and tried to glare back, ears burning hotly. Molly simply smiled teasingly and turned back to the pot on the stove, humming cheerily to herself. Remus glared at the back of her head and then glanced over at Tonks. She was gazing at him with a searching, strained look. He gave an awkward smile.

_Crack!_

Remus and Tonks both shouted with surprise as two gangly teenager boys Apparated directly in front of them across the table, both grinning broadly.

"Dinner ready?"

"Yeah, we're starving!"

"Yes, yes, in a minute. Set up the table, won't you?" she said over her shoulder, clearly too tired to deal with their antics. Fred and George both grinned and then Disapparated again before re-Apparating next to the cupboards. Molly rolled her eyes. It seemed the twins were still very excited about passing their Apparition tests.

Suddenly, a barrage of feet came rushing down the stairs, and another burst of red hair came running through the door with Sirius between them, being pushed roughly forward. Remus noted that, although he'd been scrubbed clean, there was a large chunk of hair missing from above his left ear, making his head look misshapen. Ron cackled loudly as he plopped down into a seat.

"Sirius screwed up!"

"It was Rowan's fault, not mine!"

"Don't try to blame it on me, you stupid git," Rowan barked as she walked in calmly after them with Hermione. Remus caught her eye as she settled down at the table in front of them. Remus raised an eyebrow at her. She shrugged.

"He moved," she said simply. Ginny sniggered.

"That's enough! You two, help me bring over the pot! And you, set the silverware! Your father should be here any moment now!" Molly called. She stole a glance at Sirius and couldn't help but grin contritely, however. Sirius glowered petulantly. Remus grinned.

"You look clean at least," he offered. Sirius glared and threw a spoon at him.

* * *

"Molly, go rest. I've got the dishes."

The Weasley matriarch shook her head and tried to shoo Rowan away, but the younger woman gently pushed her away from the sink.

"No, no, no, you've done enough! We can take care of clean-up tonight," she insisted. Remus stood from his seat.

"Yeah, go read that book of yours. Have a glass of wine. We've got this," he said. Molly eyed them and the table full of dirty dishes warily. Rowan glared and gave her another push.

"Seriously, woman. Take a break! Merlin!" she barked. Molly glared and opened her mouth to say something back, but with one last push, Rowan had her out the door. Molly shouted something back, but it was muffled from the bangs that had already resumed upstairs, coming presumably from the twins' room. Rowan sighed and turned back to the table. Piles of dishes laid around. Rowan started rolling up her sleeves and shot Remus a smile.

"I wash, you dry?" she suggested. He nodded, and the two set into their task.

Dinner had been casual, but lovely, as it always was with the Weasleys. The teenagers had all laughed riotously at the strange chunk of hair missing from Sirius' head, causing him to eventually retaliate with a handful of potatoes to Ron's face. Despite the nerves in Rowan's stomach from earlier in the evening with her apprentice, she couldn't help but relax a bit, warm with the familiarity shared between her dinner companions. Once Sirius' name was cleared, perhaps they could all gather like this at the Burrow, just as they had before Ron and Harry had been born. The idea brightened her mood considerably.

But a sense of anxiety still remained from the afternoon. Despite giving Claire the choice of leaving, Rowan didn't really want her to go. She'd been with Rowan for years and years now, and though she wanted what was best for her apprentice, she didn't want to lose yet another friend to the war. And even if Claire were alive and well, Rowan knew that, if she were to decide that she didn't want to associate publicly with Rowan for matters of safety, it'd be the end of their relationship. Rowan knew what her priorities were, and at the top of that list were Harry, the Order, and her patients. She wanted Claire to fit into that picture, but if she chose to step out of it, then Rowan wouldn't try to pull her back.

"Something bothering you?"

Rowan looked up to see Remus staring concernedly down at her. She grimaced down at the soapy plate in her hands and noted that she'd done a poor job of scrubbing the food off. She vigorously sponged away the crust of what looked like dried gravy and sighed.

"I told Claire about my involvement in the Order today," she admitted quietly. Remus frowned.

"Did you invite her to join?" Rowan shifted awkwardly.

"Sort of," she said. "I basically told her that she should either quit at the apothecary or fight with us." Remus nodded with understanding.

"You don't think there are any other options?" he asked. Rowan shook her head mournfully.

"No, I'd like to say that she could stay and remained uninvolved, but I know that's unrealistic. If she's seen with me for much longer, the other side will see it as allegiance by association. There's no way around it," she said.

"I see," Remus said insightfully. "You're afraid for her." Rowan nodded grimly.

"She's strong, but she doesn't have the kind of courage to stand up to bullies, let alone Death Eaters. If they were to begin harassing her because of me..."

Rowan paused, throat tightening. For weeks, she'd been grappling with the scenario of Death Eaters coming into the shop again. Belby had been an extremely skilled wizard and one who had no reservations when it came to defending himself. Claire wasn't like that though. If she were to be attacked in the shop... Rowan shuddered as she remembered the green heat of the Diagon Alley shop and her master thrashing in the snow. She couldn't always be there to defend Claire if the worst were to happen. She would be alone.

"So you think she'll leave," Remus said. Rowan's lips twisted.

"I think she'll try to stay," she said, "and that's what concerns me." She let her grip on the plate in her hands relax before handing it off to Remus, which he accepted quietly. Moving on to the next, she tried to wash away her anxieties with the foaming soap.

"Will certainly sees something in her though," he said suddenly. Rowan looked up with a frown. "He seems confident that Claire has the potential to be an effective member. Don't you think that should bear some weight?" Rowan's brow furrowed.

"I don't know how it would. He barely knows her," she said. "I think Will is the type to assume that everyone is potentially as brave as he is. I don't know if he ever considers that other people's capabilities are different than his." Remus nodded thoughtfully.

It was an interesting thought though - that Will saw something in Claire she didn't. She supposed that it was possible her view of her apprentice was distorted by her proximity. Perhaps she'd focused on the old meek traits and completely missed the growth that had occurred in her over time. Maybe Will had caught them instead.

Will was such a strange conglomeration of traits. He was eerily like James at times with his loud joviality and seemingly unfathomable ease in his own skin. He could carelessly toss out comments that were either entirely generous or entirely cruel in their brutal honesty and didn't realize how hurtful his words were until someone pointed them out to him. He tended to assume that everyone approached problems in the same way he did, and he didn't like being proved wrong.

But he was also much more paranoid, more guarded. Perhaps it was because he'd been in the Auror profession longer. Perhaps it was because he had a precious older sister who'd been hurt time and time again during the First War. This skepticism made him a bit more observant than James had been. So maybe there was something substantial in his observations about Claire. Maybe Rowan needed to step back to try and see it too.

Rowan glanced up at Remus as she passed off another clean glass to him to dry. She wondered if there were things in him as well that had changed and she'd missed. After all, she couldn't assume she'd come into their redeveloping friendship with an unbiased eye. Perhaps she was trying to see him from the same perspective she'd had as a younger woman.

Suddenly, purple hair came to mind. Tonks had left shortly after dinner to take up her shift at the Department of Mysteries, but Rowan hadn't missed the blatant interest she'd shown in Remus. She wanted to say that he'd seemed uninterested, but maybe that was her narrow perspective speaking. Maybe the part of her that was used to having his tender looks sent her way was making her blind to his potential interest in other women. After all, they hadn't been together for a long time - surely he'd had other lovers in that time apart. He had to at least be attracted to other women, and Tonks certainly seemed open to that, regardless of how young she was.

Rowan suddenly felt quite old. She knew she would always have a young face for her age, but she wasn't the bright-eyed girl of the First War anymore, whereas Tonks was young and eager with the boldness of a woman who knew what she wanted and was used to getting it. And even if Remus didn't seem like the type to be interested in someone so obviously less mature than himself, could she really say he would or wouldn't be interested with all certainty?

"That Metamorphmagus thing Tonks has is pretty incredible, isn't it?" she said carefully, glancing up at Remus. She noted with some relief that his expression didn't really change. He nodded with a small smile.

"It is," he agreed. He smirked a bit. "That pig snout trick she does is pretty funny. I wonder if she can turn her entire body into a pig. Do you think that counts for Animagus status as well?" he mused. Rowan pushed a strange pang away at the sight of his amused smile.

"She seems quite fond of you," Rowan noted. Remus shrugged.

"I suppose," he said. Rowan raised an eyebrow at him.

"You suppose?" she echoed. His eyes narrowed.

"What're you implying?" he asked. Rowan shrugged. What was she even doing? But she pushed onward anyway.

"She just seems very interested in you," she said.

"She was just being friendly," Remus said, a bit defensively.

"If that was 'friendly,' then what's her 'flirting,' I wonder," she said dryly. Remus glared at her.

"Don't be rude," he scolded. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"I'm just saying that you can't deny that she is clearly attracted to you," she said.

"I can, and I do. She's just overeager. She showed just as much interest in you as me," he said. Rowan snorted.

"Now I know you're full of it. She spent all of dinner jabbering away to you," she said.

Rowan didn't know why she was pushing this. She was approaching dangerous territory - Remus' romantic life. Logically, she didn't want to know anything about what Remus had or hadn't done with other women since they'd broken up. Still, a part of her was dying to know if he was attracted to the young Auror while another part was screaming at her to drop it. So why couldn't she?

But to her surprise, Remus just sighed.

"I don't see why it matters. Attraction or not, it doesn't mean much to me," he said. Rowan frowned.

"But shouldn't it?" she asked. Remus frowned at her.

"What do you mean?"

What did she mean? Rowan didn't know why she'd impulsively blurted that out. If he weren't interested, he should at least be aware of the younger woman's attraction so he could redirect it. Having one-sided feelings within the Order could cause issues [they should know firsthand already]. And even worse - if he _were_ interested...

But why would that be worse? Rowan wanted to smack herself in the face. It shouldn't matter to her! They were done, over, finished for many, many years. She should be encouraging him to see other women and vice versa, right? She took in a deep steady breath. This was it. She needed to draw the final line.

"You're getting older now. Do you really not want to settle down with anyone ever?" she asked. Remus' face melted darkly. Rowan almost recoiled. Why was he looking at her like that?

"I just mean that neither of us are getting any younger... and Tonks is quite pretty. She seems smart and talented too. If she's interested in you and you find her attractive, would it really be that bad of an idea to be open to something more?" she rambled quickly. She wasn't even sure what she was saying anymore. She turned back to the dish in her hand and started scrubbing furiously. What had she dug herself into this time? Why couldn't she have just kept her mouth shut?

Remus didn't answer for a while, and as she passed him the now-clean plate and moved onto the next, she made sure that her fingers didn't touch his. She hoped that he couldn't see her face, which she was certain was red with shame. They could have easily avoided this conversation if she'd just kept her damn jealousy to herself!

Ah, there it was. Rowan wanted to fall face first into the sink and never come out.

"No, I don't think that's a possibility for me," Remus finally answered quietly. Rowan hazarded a glance up at him to see him smiling softly, eyes focused on a far away distance she couldn't see. Something in her chest ached.

"Dating in general or dating Tonks?" she asked. Remus' lips twitched upward slightly. He shot her a side-glance, and she knew for certain that he could see the blush that painted her cheeks. Her stomach lurched at the deepening of his smile. She had to look away before she made a fool of herself again.

She was no closer to figuring out her own feelings, but at least she seemed to be able to rest easy in regards to whether Remus would be dating Tonks anytime soon. Another question regarding the tall man sprang to mind as she pushed away the first anxiety.

"I've been thinking actually," she started nervously. She looked up at him carefully, and he frowned slightly, urging for her to continue. Her stomach lurched. She was overstepping, wasn't she? But he hadn't been working, and wasn't her offer better than he'd find elsewhere? She gathered her courage and pushed forward. "Would you be interested in working in the apothecary?" Remus' brows furrowed with confusion.

"What? With you?" he asked. Rowan nodded quickly.

"Yeah, I mean, I've been needing an assistant to help me with the Hogsmeade location. And if Claire chooses to leave, I'll definitely need as much help as I can get. I know Dumbledore has you doing all sorts of things with the Order and keeping Sirius in line. But you're a quick learner and organized and all. You wouldn't be doing anything complicated - just helping me sort my stu-"

She stopped abruptly as a hand gripped her shoulder firmly. She looked up to see Remus smiling softly down at her. Her throat tightened almost painfully.

"Thank you," he said quietly. He then let go over her shoulder and ran an anxious hand through his hair. His mouth twisted as he considered his next words. "Can I think about it? It's a very generous offer, but I'm not exactly good with potions, and well, erm, you know..." he said weakly. Rowan fought the grimace that threatened to break across her face. Yes, he'd also need time to consider how they'd transition from the strange dynamic they had now to the relationship between coworkers - and not just coworkers. They'd be employee and employer. She nodded.

"Of course. Take all the time you need," she insisted earnestly. He smiled again.

"Thank you," he said genuinely. Rowan gave him a soft smile. She hoped he felt the honesty in her offer.

They finished the rest of the dishes in a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. When Rowan left Headquarters later that evening, Remus walked her to the door and said good night in that quiet way he used to when he'd walk her home after their Order meetings in the First War. He didn't insist on seeing her home, but her chest still ached as she closed the door behind her, and as she Disapparated for Hogsmeade, she wondered if the seemingly meaningless bits of deja vu would bleed into the rest of this burgeoning war.


	31. Beyond the Pale

**A/N:** Jeez, everyone's so psyched about Tonks showing up. Has she really been that much of a fixture on your minds?

I just realized the title of the chapter is the title of one of Jim Gaffigan's comedy specials. I'm not sure what that says about me. Probably something about my obsession with food.

**RedEyedSurprise:** Hahah sorry for the suspense, but I'm so glad you keep coming back and reading! Thank you so much for the review!

**Eirithdiel:** Happy birthday! And regardless of spoilers, I'll tell you right now that the "I love both of you" crap isn't going to happen. I hate that sort of thing, and I think Rowan respects herself enough to not stand for it either. So rest easy haha. Thank you for the review!

**gypsyfurface:** Thank you so much!

**Marylin C: **Thank you! Yes, a lot a exciting things are coming up for our protagonists. Another double post for you! Hope you're doing well xx

**missalex3030:** I also have mixed feelings about Dumbledore, though I think at the end of the day, I like him. I'm planning on playing into that mistrust though, so I'm glad you appreciate Rowan and Sirius' skepticism. Thanks so much, as always!

**Dopamine07:** Hahaha no spoilers! But thank you! I think Remus and Rowan go well together too ;]

**Nikos Pyrr:** I'm so glad you like Tonks! Everyone seems to be so ready to fight her haha, but as I start to develop the story, I just feel worse and worse for her character. It's not easy competing against Rowan. Thank you for the awesome review! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2003). _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Chapter 30: Beyond the Pale**

I.

Claire Verloren always thought she looked quite nice in gold. She wouldn't say she looked great in it, just nice. She looked much better in blue - the color of her eyes. Red certainly was not her color - it made her already pale face even paler, blander, dull. She had delicate features and the palest of skin that made her look as if she could fade away in the bright winter light like a ghost. Though she tended to turn red with embarrassment at nearly every turn, wearing the color only made her look even more awkward than she already was.

It was another reason she was never sure why she'd been placed into Gryffindor. As she'd sat upon the stool in front of the Great Hall of Hogwarts on her first day, the Sorting Hat had mulled amusedly over her for quite a long time. She'd always assumed she'd go to Ravenclaw - after all, everyone in her family had been in that house - but finally, the Sorting Hat had sort of chuckled to itself and announced loudly that she would go to the House of the brave - Gryffindor.

It seemed like it'd been a joke at first. The Hat had seemed so pleased with itself at her sorting, but she'd been completely mortified, glued to the spot for a few moments after, eyes wide and face drained, until Professor McGonagall had pushed her gently towards the cheering house of gold and scarlet. She'd barely been able to utter a word during the entire feast. Seemed like a pity - she could hardly remember her very first dinner at Hogwarts.

No one in her family had known how to react except with confused smiles and cocked heads.

"Gryffindor?" they'd echoed. She'd nod and they'd give her a quizzical look then a strained smile.

"How nice," they'd say. And she'd nod again, and they'd change the subject.

She'd hoped quietly that whatever potential the Hat saw in her would begin to show, but if anything, she only felt meeker and meeker as the months passed. Her housemates were all so vivacious - strong and bold, as Gryffindors usually were - and in contrast, she could feel nothing but discouraged. Gryffindors were rarely patient, and any attempts she made at trying to match that level of energy were quickly dashed away.

There were introverted, quiet Gryffindors, to be sure. Indeed, the most beautiful girl in their house was very reserved, a silent beauty. Everyone knew Mina Surrey, even if she rarely brought her voice above a soft shout. When she spoke, everyone listened, and when she walked, she walked in a way that said she knew exactly where she was going and why, with her chin raised solidly and her eyes sharp. Even if she didn't immediately fit the stereotype of a Gryffindor, she was so sure in herself and her convictions that there was no question that she belonged.

And then there was Remus Lupin, one of their house Prefects. He was tall, quiet, bookish, and seemed even more withdrawn in contrast to his best mates Sirius Black and James Potter, the two most rambunctious of the House. Remus was one of the top students in his year and one of the most sought after tutors for Charms due to both the gentle patience he showed and the strange animalistic allure of his strange scars. Unlike Mina, he didn't hold himself with the same reassurance, but there was certainly something about him that spoke of an inner conviction, of a quiet determination. Claire could tell just by looking at Remus that he was kind, and from the gazes of her housemates, everyone else seemed to share the sentiment.

It was possible to be an introverted Gryffindor and still thrive in the House. She had two great examples. So why couldn't she find her place?

She got on with her roommates and classmates, but Claire spent the first year struggling to find her voice until, eventually, she gave up on trying. She instead convinced herself that perhaps the Hat had made a mistake, and she should simply embrace the traits her family had always valued - her intellect. Books weren't confusing. Magic wasn't lonely. If she worked herself hard, she could reap results. Studying made sense. People didn't.

But Potions! She couldn't wrap her head around this one subject, and Professor Slughorn was perhaps the most difficult man she'd ever met. One look at her, and he seemed to know that he wanted nothing to do with her. She was too small, too meek, from a studious family of moderately successful academics. But none of them were great scholars or particularly noteworthy in their respective fields, and none of them had ever had strong allegiances to any particular groups or societies. And so Claire had been overlooked in favor of the more glamorous students.

But she was struggling. Slughorn had a dramatic way of teaching that made little sense to her, filled with anecdotes and analogies that seemed very illogical and imprecise. She could hardly get a straight answer from him, and when her first exam came back with a large P on it for "Poor," she knew she'd finally found the one subject in which the results did not proportionally match her efforts.

She couldn't tell her parents she was falling behind. What would they think? She was supposed to be intelligent! All the Verlorens were, won't they? This is why she'd been put into Gryffindor - not because she was brave or loyal, but because she simply wasn't smart enough to be placed into Ravenclaw and not kind enough to be in Hufflepuff! But she couldn't just keep going like this! How does one fail First Year Potions?

So she'd swallowed her pride and worked up the courage to approach that kind Prefect, waiting by the door of the boys' dorm for him to exit one morning. Much to her relief, he'd been alone, and when she called his name, he'd smiled in that warm way that made her want to vomit with nerves.

"C-c-can you h-help me? Potions! I-I need help w-with... Potions," she'd sputtered nervously. Her face had burned bright red with embarrassment, and to her surprise, he, too, had blushed slightly, running a hand through his hair sheepishly.

"Actually, I don't take Potions anymore," he'd said, much to her horror. He didn't take Potions anymore! How? He was so brilliant! But if _he_ hadn't made it past O.W.L. level, how could she ever hope to pass it? There weren't any other tutors she could even hope to face in a one-on-one session! Her eyes had filled with tears as the weight of defeat began to weigh down on her.

"Whoa, whoa, what's wrong?" the Prefect had asked quickly, bending down to meet her with shock, eyes wide. She sniffled and shook her head fiercely, looking away from him with shame. But then he'd smiled and summoned a box of tissues from the nearby table, offering them to her kindly. Her face burned. As she wiped her eyes and nose, he'd politely looked away, and when she was done, she'd looked up at him to see him gazing at her thoughtfully.

"You need help with Potions?" he'd asked. She nodded weakly, and he smiled brightly, the biggest smile she'd ever seen on him. Her eyes had widened at the magnitude of light and suddenly understood the reason for the giddy whispers of some of the other girls in their house. He placed a hand on her shoulder and then nudged her to the door, guiding her quickly through the Portrait Hole and down the stairs, and eventually, she realized they were going to the library.

The library was Claire's favorite place in all of Hogwarts. She liked the Astronomy Tower, too, but the library was full of her favorite things, her best friends - books. People were quiet there, whereas the books were loud, echoing in her own head as she read through them hungrily. Her favorite sound was the scratch of her quill upon parchment, mixing with the bright light that spilled through the windows of the cubicles and in between the tall towering stacks.

As soon as they entered the library, she felt calmer. The blush in her face receded. She followed him curiously as he maneuvered through the stacks until, finally, they came across a dark-haired girl laying on the sill of a large window, book over her face, asleep. Her legs were splayed in an unlady-like manner, arms hanging limply around her. Her hair was tied strangely on top of her head.

Claire had frowned with confusion as they stopped, looking up to see Remus gesturing to her to be quiet with an eager grin. She'd seen this expression before on his face, only when he was in the company of his mates and one girl in particular. Understanding dawned on her and then confusion again as she turned, frowning at the sleeping girl again, mouth opening with horror as Remus picked up the book from her face.

The older girl shrieked as Remus' hands slammed the book shut directly in front of her face, sending a loud crack echoing throughout the library, and he'd laughed riotously, freely, at her distress. After they were kicked out of the library by a very angry Madam Pince, the older girl had yelled and smacked Remus' arm angrily, simply to his amusement, before snatching the book from his hands with a furious glare.

And then, much to Claire's embarrassment, he'd wrapped an arm around her shoulder, as if nothing unusual had happened, with the tenderest expression she'd ever seen on a boy's face.

"Rowan, this is Claire Verloren, a First Year in our House," he'd introduced. "Claire, this is my friend Rowan Delacroix."

Claire didn't need the introduction. She knew Rowan Delacroix. She was fairly certain everyone in school knew her. Rowan was from an old well-connected family full of Gryffindors, and she herself perfectly fit the picture of the ideal Gryffindor. Claire had first learned her name after seeing the older girl angrily hex a couple of Slytherin boys for performing the _Levicorpus_ jinx on a Second Year Hufflepuff, much to the glee of her friends and cheers from a few random students in the corridor. Claire had never before been filled with such a mix of awe and anxiety at the sight of the sprightly young woman's righteous fury.

And her friends! She and Remus were a part of the most impressive group of students the school had seen in a while. Even if the professors didn't say so, one could simply tell by the doting attention that they directed at them. Each professor seemed to favor one of them, whether it was for their intellect or for their quick wit, and no one else seemed to compare. Rowan, in particular, was Slughorn's favorite.

She was intimidating, to be sure, despite the easy smile she directed towards Claire and the comfortable banter she shared with Remus. Claire liked the way Rowan shook her hand as if she were a peer with a firm grip that seemed to reaffirm the ferocity of her energy. What she lacked in physical size, she compensated with presence. Indeed, even the Prefect's quiet glow seemed overpowered by his friend's light. Claire was nearly overcome as Rowan nodded eagerly as Remus told her of Claire's dilemma, and when Rowan grinned at Claire, she wasn't sure if she could believe her ears:

"You'll have an O by the end of the year in Potions. Just leave it to me."

And much to her surprise, Rowan kept her promise - Claire _did_ finish the year with an O. It seemed impossible, but before she knew it, Potions was her best subject. As soon as Rowan began tutoring her, the material really clicked. It was a different logic, to be sure, but at the sound of Rowan's excited explanations, her simple analogies and tricks for formulas, Claire seemed to access a completely different portion of her brain. She began to look at the world differently - each material, each person, each class. She looked forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays each week because she knew that Rowan would be there waiting for her in the library with a new lesson and funny story from the day, and sometimes, even Remus would join them at the end with a teasing smile and, every once in a while, a bit of chocolate for them both.

They were so glamorous, this pair. Rowan wasn't necessarily beautiful by conventional standards, and Remus was too thin and almost sickly looking at times, but there was certainly something gravitating about them, something that made her want to be better. They shared a witty dynamic that spoke of an intimate, deep understanding of each other, and they spoke with such a familiar ease that she couldn't help but feel that perhaps, one day, she might reach their level as well. She never said so out loud, and certainly not to them, but the hope began to build in her heart that maybe she, too, would be looked at with awe and respect in the far future. They weren't together when she started her lessons with Rowan, but it'd seemed all but inevitable that they'd end up together. She'd hardly been surprised when Rowan informed her that they were dating.

And Rowan's influence wasn't just on her academics. Others took notice as well. A few of her classmates began coming to her for help in Potions, and she hesitantly began to make more friends within her own year. Slughorn began to dote on her with the same saccharine voice he directed at Rowan - or "Winnie," as she soon learned she was called affectionately by her mates - and her parents had never been so thrilled.

Or rather, her father had been thrilled, overjoyed that his little girl had finished the term at the top of her year. He bragged to all of his colleagues about her brilliance, about how she might be the next Damocles Belby, a colleague of his from long ago. She'd smiled awkwardly at this - if anyone was going to be the next Damocles Belby, it was Rowan Delacroix, her incredible tutor - but she didn't have the heart or the nerve to deny her father's hopes.

But her mother went silent at the sound of her father's excitement, much to Claire's confusion. She'd always been her most active supporter. Even when she'd been placed into Gryffindor, her mother had been the only one in her family to show genuine happiness for her, even going so far as to start knitting lion sweaters and buying red and gold ribbons for her hair. She'd even come to a few Quidditch matches to show her support for her daughter's new house, despite being a Ravenclaw herself.

It wasn't until several years later, when Rowan and Remus were gone from Hogwarts, that she understood the sad look in mother's eyes when she said she wanted to become a Potions Master. The story came out in little bits and pieces of the aunt she'd never known and the brilliant Potions Master who had loved her - Damocles Belby.

But she couldn't push her mother to speak of her late Aunt Marie - not too much. Her mother was delicate, fair and weak-willed, and Claire feared that if she were to push her to talk more of the deep regrets she obviously held, her mother might break. But slowly, slowly, the tale came out, and as Claire soon approached her final year and discovered that Rowan had taken up an apprenticeship with Damocles Belby, it had seemed like destiny - Claire might not be able to apprentice with the great Potions Master, but who was more brilliant and deserving than Rowan?

She went years without seeing the older girl. She heard bits and pieces about her here and there - Slughorn rarely passed up an opportunity to talk about one of his all-time favorite students - but after Rowan had graduated at the end of Claire's second year, she didn't see her again. She could only imagine that Rowan was a great success and pursuing the glamorous path towards fame she'd always expected of her, so when she finally tracked her and Belby down as she approached her seventh year, she couldn't help but be surprised and horrified.

Not only was Belby dead, he had been murdered in the war without her even realizing it. And while Rowan had continued where he'd left off, she was no longer the bright-eyed grinning light she'd remembered. She was still as pulling as she'd been at Hogwarts, but her movements were more muted, gazes harder. She spoke confidently, but it was with an underlying darkness that spoke of things Claire couldn't imagine. What had happened to her in the four years they'd been apart?

Claire had grown leaps and bounds, but as she sat in front of Rowan in her starkly white laboratory, she felt as if she were that tiny eleven year-old again, eyes filled with desperate tears for help. But instead of the warm smile and offered hand she'd extended before, Rowan recoiled, eyes narrowing with anger towards something Claire was sure she couldn't see. Something in the way she moved spoke of suffering, of loneliness. She had become a seemingly different person in her time away from Hogwarts, someone Claire didn't recognize anymore.

Somehow, Claire convinced Rowan to give her a chance, though she still wasn't sure how. Something had burst inside of Rowan during that first meeting to make her take a risk, and Claire wasn't going to take her opportunity for granted. She worked day and night for a year and a half to earn a place at Rowan's side, determined to show the now famous Potioneer that she hadn't made a mistake in her investment.

Over the years, Rowan opened up little by little, though never revealing too much. Claire would think back quietly to the sunny days she'd once spent with Rowan in the Hogwarts library, where Rowan's face had been like an open book, a fairytale, a happy ending. But now, despite the warm smiles and kind words, Claire saw the barrier erected between her and her master. Claire learned slowly with a deep ache of the innumerable losses Rowan had endured, of the people who had been taken away from her - Belby, her father, James Potter, Lily Evans.

And Remus.

It took a very long time to wrap her head around the fact that Remus and Rowan were no longer together. She'd seen their relationship crumble and then mend during their Seventh Year, but no matter how bad things got between them, Claire had always been sure that they were meant to be together. There was simply something about the way they looked at each other, the way they spoke to each other, that said no one else would ever compare. And when she quietly realized the reason for Rowan's work, it seemed even more apparent that the two simply belonged together.

But though Claire had expected to one day see Remus walk in for Rowan as if nothing had ever changed, she never saw him. Rowan left for the continent and came back starkly different again. Patients came and went, as did customers, and then so did years. Claire watched the woman who was now her master continue to work diligently, focus unwavering and convictions sturdy. Even in the times that Rowan faced the worst criticisms and defeats, she always pulled herself back to her feet to continue on the path she'd chosen for herself.

Why? Claire couldn't understand how Rowan could continue even when the reason for her work had left her so long ago. But she never was able to gather the courage to ask, and she wasn't sure if Rowan would answer even if she did. No matter how close they had become, she knew there were things that Rowan would never discuss, things that were too painful for her to say aloud - things like the war, things like Remus.

But now, as she watched Rowan work even still with war on the horizon - for if Rowan said war was coming, then it must be true - she had to question how Rowan could keep going. As she spoke of the impending battles, Claire could see the terror in Rowan's eyes. Past the ferocity, past the determination, there was fear - fear for what she'd already endured and fear for the future. For it wasn't just about her anymore - it was about Harry Potter, about her patients.

Could Claire really match that determination? She knew that Rowan was being honest - she would support Claire in whatever decision she made. If she chose to leave, Rowan would make sure she found the right master or help her open her own apothecary. If she chose to stay but remain uninvolved, Rowan would do her best to keep her safe. But could she place that burden on Rowan? She already held the weight of so many on her shoulders. Could she add her weight to that load? But as she looked at her master again, the question faded away. The real question seemed obvious: had there really been any question of her leaving or staying? Her place had always been behind Rowan, following the path she carved and holding her up when she couldn't continue. She wouldn't stay and allow Rowan to carry her, too. For once, she would stand on her own, and maybe - just maybe - she could help carry Rowan's load as well.

Perhaps the Hat had been right all along. She would fight, too.


	32. The Advance Guard

**A/N: THIS IS A DOUBLE POST.**

Do you think there are religions in the magical world? I feel like wizards wouldn't know anything about Abrahamic religions or the like. It's a funny thought.

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2003). _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**August 5, 1995**

_Harry,_

_Dumbledore's just arrived at the Ministry, and he's trying to sort it all out. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR AUNT AND UNCLE'S HOUSE. DO NOT DO ANY MORE MAGIC. DO NOT SURRENDER YOUR WAND._

_- Arthur Weasley_

* * *

**Chapter 31: The Advance Guard**

I.

Rowan yawned tiredly as she trudged down the Hogsmeade streets. The air was still heavy with moisture, which stuck unpleasantly to the Potion Master's skin. The sun was sinking steadily, but one couldn't tell from the heat. Indeed, it was so unpleasantly hot that even the birds seemed to be lulled into a fatigued stupor.

Rowan couldn't believe she'd agreed to go to Headquarters to help Sirius clean again after she'd spent the entire night before on duty in Knockturn Alley. She was so tired, eyes so heavy. She just wanted to lay down and sleep. But Harry might be back any day now she reminded herself, and she didn't want him arriving to the dump that was 12 Grimmauld Place. Though the terrible screeching portrait of the late Walburga Black would remain for what seemed like the foreseeable future [they'd found that Sirius' mother had placed a Permanent Stick Charm on the canvas], they could at least scrub down the house so that the layer of dust and dirt was gone. Rowan wasn't sure about Harry's sensitivities or allergies, but for all she knew he could be terribly allergic to dust mites, and the last thing she wanted was for him to be sniffling and red-eyed during his time there.

But damn it, she was exhausted! Perhaps it was because people were preparing for the new term soon, but customers had been pouring in and out of the apothecary all day. And then with the full moon approaching in five days, she'd had her skittish patients to handle as well.

Maybe it really was about time to invest in a shopkeeper. And if Claire did decide to quit, then she'd need to find a new apprentice. But a new apprentice would mean investing time in teaching him or her not only her methods and work system, but also her research and ambitions. She wanted to slam her face on the table. Would she have to hire another Potioneer to take Claire's place to simply run the Diagon Alley branch without getting involved in her research? There were so many inconveniences popping up with the war on top of its numerous dangers. She wasn't sure which was more frustrating.

Rowan sighed as she found a secluded place, away from the main street. Heaving the case of butterbeer into her arms that she'd bought for Sirius from the Hog's Head, she looked around carefully - no one in sight. Without further delay, she Disapparated, tapping her wand to the door of 12 Grimmauld Place as soon as her feet had hit the London stoop.

Rowan slipped into Headquarters quietly only to nearly drop the case of butterbeer at the sound of angry bickering from the kitchen. Frowning, she recognized the voices as belonging to Arthur and Sirius. Rowan's throat clenched as she caught Harry's name thrown out and made quick work of the distance to the kitchen. As she swung the door open, her eyes widened.

"-Dumbledore doing anything?"

"He's at the Ministry already. We're taking care of it. Underage Magic has already appealed its decision at expulsion."

"Expulsion?" hissed Rowan.

Both Sirius and the floating green head of Arthur Weasley from the fireplace turned to see Rowan standing in the doorway, eyes wide and questioning. Sirius stood quickly from his crouching position. His face was pale, blanched.

"Rowan, thank Merlin. Something's happened with Harry," he said quickly. Shock seemed to surge through Rowan's blood. She rushed forward, practically throwing the case of butterbeer onto the table. The bottle clinked dangerously as they crashed onto the surface.

"What?" she nearly shouted. Her eyes darted between Arthur and Sirius frantically. "What's happened? Is he okay? Is he safe?" Every terrible scenario she'd imagined involving Harry flashed before her eyes in a split second.

"Yes, Winnie, he's fine. He's fine!" shouted Arthur over the both of them, frantic to calm both Sirius and Rowan. "He's safe at his aunt and uncle's now. Mina is most likely arriving on Privet Drive right now to assess the situation. He's safe. Don't worry."

But Rowan's heart continued to pound. Her head filled with images of the Third Task, of his blank, drained gaze. She'd told Dumbledore that he needed to be with her! Why hadn't he listened?

"He's fine, Winnie. I promise, he's fine," continued Arthur, obviously reading the panic still in Rowan's features. "No one's been hurt. He's safe in his aunt and uncle's house. No one can reach him there." Rowan nodded dumbly, half-hearing Arthur's words as she tried to will the fear away.

"What's happened?" she asked again finally in a forced-calm. Arthur grimaced, eyeing her warily. For a moment, he didn't answer, assessing her state before continuing again.

"He was attacked by dementors in the park with his cousin," he said. Rowan's eyes widened. "But he's fine!" Arthur added quickly again. "He's fine. He defended both himself and Dudley-"

"But the Ministry's trying to take his wand now!" barked Sirius suddenly. Rowan's head jerked between Sirius and Arthur, the panicking surging forward again.

"What? But they can't! He was defending himself! They can't really be-"

"No, they can't," Arthur finished firmly, effectively silencing Sirius, who continued to glower. "Dumbledore has already spoken to Hopkirk and settled the situation. Harry will have a disciplinary hearing on the twelfth, but his status as a student remains for now. No one's wands are being taken away."

Rowan released a shaky breath as relief washed over her. Harry was safe, as was his wand. Her heart began to slow again to a normal pace, the heat trickling away from her face. The fatigue of earlier began to sink in again, hitting her hard.

"What now?" she asked.

"Dumbledore's calling an emergency meeting tonight for the Advance Guard. He wants them going to retrieve Harry by the end of the week," Arthur said. Sirius bristled angrily.

"If he'd agreed to let us get him when we first asked, none of this shit would've happened!" he shouted furiously, arms flailing. "It's because we left him locked up in that fucking hellhole all summer that he wandered off alone! If we'd brought him here as soon as the summer started, he would've been safe!"

Rowan nodded, too tired to fume but still very bitter about the hand Dumbledore kept hidden. He wasn't a stupid or careless man - why hadn't he let them bring Harry back? Harry might have been safe in his aunt and uncle's home, but he would have been just as safe at the Order where he couldn't be tracked and there would always be people looking out for him. He wouldn't have felt compelled to go out alone, and he wouldn't have _been_ alone. So what was Dumbledore thinking?

"Okay, well, I'm going to poke around and see if I can hear anything else," Arthur said quietly. "I'll be back for the meeting. Don't go out looking for Harry. Stay there until we all get back. I'll see you later." He gave them a stern look before disappearing with a pop, leaving behind a few glowing green coals and the silence of the kitchen.

"Fuck," hissed Sirius angrily. He jerked side to side for a moment, unsure of what to do with himself. "Fuck," he said again. Taking a step for the door, his arms swung wildly, as if trying to fling the anger from his limbs. "I'm going upstairs. I don't want to clean anymore," he muttered. Rowan nodded grimly but didn't answer, knowing that he needed this moment for himself. He stalked for the door and then disappeared behind its swinging plane, and with a few stomps, he was gone.

Rowan sighed and looked around weakly. The house felt strangely empty now that the adrenaline had seeped from her body. She was surprised the portrait of Sirius' mother hadn't woken up during his rant but was grateful for the silence. She listened carefully but didn't hear anything from upstairs. It seemed that the teenagers and Remus were out. Maybe Molly had taken them to get school supplies already.

The house creaked quietly, her own thought reverberating in chaotically. She took a deep breath and looked around again. The kitchen seemed clean but the living room probably needed some work. Her body screamed for sleep, but there was none to be had now with Harry on her mind. Realizing weakly that she still held the case of butterbeer for her brooding mate, she plopped it down onto the table, stretching her now-sore arms. The house was too quiet. She made a beeline for the hallway. She'd just have to keep her hands occupied until the meeting later that evening.

* * *

II.

"This place gives me the creeps. It's just way too clean - feels like they're trying to hide something nasty like a murder or what have you," said Will Surrey, lip curling upward with disgust. He started pushing various utensils around to disrupt the flawless order of Petunia Dursley's kitchen, even going so far as to reach into a couple of cupboards to leave miscellaneous cups around on the counter. Hestia Jones giggled.

"I can't believe they keep it so clean without magic! Muggles sure are resourceful," she said amusedly. She pulled open a drawer full of utensils and pulled out one with a metal handle and jingling blade. She turned the blade with a finger and a grin. "What's this thing do?" she asked Will.

"Potato peeler," he said. Her grin spread even broader before putting the peeler back into the drawer and pulling out another utensil for him to identify.

Will, Hestia, Kingsley, Moody, Elphias, and Remus stood around the kitchen of Number 4 Privet Drive as they waited upon Harry and Tonks, who were upstairs quickly packing up his belongings. After the terrifying dementor attack on Harry a few nights prior, Dumbledore had had no choice but to send out the Advance Guard to deliver Harry to the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. Indeed, if he hadn't, Rowan and Sirius might have burned the house to the ground. When Remus had arrived home that night to hear what had happened, they'd both been in such a state of wrath that he'd momentarily feared for the Headmaster.

Luckily, Dumbledore acknowledged that they were right - it was time to bring Harry out of his isolation. Rowan had looked like she could cry with relief, and Remus had had to hold himself back from going to her, fighting off the impulse to share in her consolation. Instead, he'd watched as she and Sirius whispered quietly between themselves before Rowan had quietly left with fatigue written all over her face. He supposed he had been somewhat rude in his clipped, vague answers to Tonks' post-meeting questions, but it was unrealistic to expect himself to pay any mind to anyone but Rowan in that moment, even if she hadn't exactly noticed.

Remus listened vaguely again to the curious conversations being shared as he scratched out a short but thorough letter to Petunia and Vernon Dursley. He remembered what Lily had said so many years before about her strange sister and her even stranger brother-in-law and knew that whatever message they left behind would most likely not be met with enthusiasm. His lips twitched upward into a slight smile as he thought of Rowan's angry words about the Dursleys from the night before.

_They're foul, stupid, selfish people who deserve to vomit slugs for the rest of their lives. You should put bubotuber pus in the envelope. I can get you some by tomorrow!_

Remus had obviously declined the offer, but now that he looked around the sparkling kitchen, he couldn't help but feel that perhaps he should have accepted some slug slime to leave behind on the counter with the letter. He'd always been a very meticulous man, but this was disturbingly clean, even to him. He certainly wasn't spiteful, but there was a tiny voice begging him to dirty it. He nearly smiled - maybe Rowan was rubbing off on him more than he'd thought.

The letter felt more and more absurd as he wrote it: "_... Harry is safe and will be home next summer. Should you have any questions, you can reach Mr. William Surrey at the number below..."_ He glanced over at Will, who was now building a pyramid of utensils with Hestia, and smirked a bit. Will was certainly not pleased about acting as a potential liaison between Harry and the Dursleys, but out of all of the Order members, he was one of the only ones who knew how to use a telephone, let alone own one himself. Luckily, Remus couldn't foresee any circumstances under which the Dursleys would feel compelled to call him, but the thought was still very amusing.

As Remus sealed the letter in the envelope, he heard the thumping of footsteps from the hallway and looked up just in time to see Harry enter the kitchen with Tonks close behind, trunk floating behind her. He noted strangely that her hair was now a bright bubblegum pink instead of the violet she'd had before going upstairs.

"Excellent," he said. He looked up at the clock on the wall. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry-"

"They won't," said Harry dully.

"- that you're safe-"

"That'll just depress them."

"- and you'll see them next summer."

"Do I have to?" he asked morosely.

Remus smiled but didn't answer. He certainly hoped that Rowan would be able to keep Harry with her the following summer, but he didn't want to get his or the boy's hopes up. Who knew what Dumbledore would decide?

"Come here, boy." Moody stepped forward, beckoning Harry towards him with his wand. "I need to Disillusion you." Harry eyed the gruff Auror warily.

"You need to what?" he asked.

'Disillusionment Charm,' said Moody, raising his wand. "Lupin says you've got an Invisibility Cloak, but it won't stay on while we're flying." He rapped the boy on the top of his head wordlessly, and slowly, their surroundings seemed to seep onto Harry's form like a coat of paint.

"Nice one, Mad-Eye," said Tonks appreciatively, staring at Harry's midriff. Harry looked down, and his face lit up with recognition just as his skin began to blend into the kitchen.

"Oh, Rowan did this to me and Hermione once," Harry noted, "when we were trying to help Sirius escape from Hogwarts a year ago." Kingsley nodded.

"She always was good with her Disillusionments," he commented. Remus and Moody nodded in agreement - it was one of the reasons she'd been frequently placed on the protection teams in the last war.

"Come on," said Moody, unlocking the back door with his wand. They all stepped outside on to Uncle Vernon's beautifully kept lawn. Will's lips curled with disgust again as he looked around at its pristine, even length.

"Seriously, what the hell is wrong with these people? Don't they have anything better to do?" he whined.

"Quiet!" barked Moody. Will gave a cheeky grin. Moody then looked up to the sky."Clear night. Could've done with a bit more cloud cover," he grunted. "Right, you,' he barked suddenly at Harry. The boy jumped slightly. "We're going to be flying in close formation. Tonks'll be right in front of you, keep close on her tail. Lupin'll be covering you from below. I'm going to be behind you. The rest'll be circling us. We don't break ranks for anything, got me? If one of us is killed-"

"Is that likely?" Harry asked apprehensively, but Moody ignored him. Harry looked up at Remus for reassurance. The wizard offered a small smile.

"Stop being so cheerful, Mad-Eye. He'll think we're not taking this seriously," joked Tonks, as she strapped Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage into a harness hanging from her broom.

"I'm just telling the boy the plan," growled Moody. "Our job's to deliver him safely to Headquarters, and if we die in the attempt-"

"No one's going to die," said Kingsley Shacklebolt in his deep, calming voice.

"Yeah, Jesus, Moody, lighten up," jabbed Will. Moody frowned.

"What's a cheesus?" he growled. Will smacked an incredulous hand to his face. Harry laughed loudly. Remus grinned but then looked up as a burst of red sparks suddenly flared in the sky.

"Mount your brooms, that's the first signal!" he barked. The Advance Guard's banter immediately silenced, faces drawing tightly as they swiftly mounted their brooms. They all pulled flying goggles over their faces. Remus secured his tightly over his eyes before another flare shot up, green this time.

"Second signal, let's go!" said Remus loudly, and in unison, the team kicked off hard from the ground.

The cool night air rushed through his hair as the neat square gardens of Privet Drive fell away, shrinking rapidly into a patchwork of dark greens and blacks. Remus felt the humidity of the summer night slip away pleasurably as they soared higher and higher with the wind whipping through his hair. He looked up to see Harry flying skillfully above him, the most elated grin on his face. Remus couldn't help but smile - he truly was his father's son.

* * *

III.

Rowan fidgeted anxiously at the table of the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. The kitchen buzzed excitedly as members filed in one after the other - first Molly and Arthur, then Bill, and then Mundungus. Eventually, Minerva McGonagall entered with Severus Snape, who only nodded curtly to Rowan before sitting down without saying a word to anyone else. She eyed him carefully from her end of the table, wondering what he'd have to report tonight.

Snape still thoroughly confused Rowan. They hadn't really spoken since the night they'd searched Hogwarts together for Sirius after his first break-in and had only seen each other a few times since then. In those few brief encounters, he'd been anything but warm, but there seemed to at least be a general understanding between them that Snape couldn't treat Rowan with the same disdain with which he treated Sirius. She could hardly ask for more, but it still confused the hell out of her.

This was the first time she was seeing him since June though. He had been undercover with the Death Eaters since the Third Task, apparently, and the Order had only heard from him through Dumbledore in the meantime. She knew Sirius wouldn't be pleased once he came downstairs and saw the Potions Professor in the flesh, and her mate's bitter words from the last general meeting still echoed in her mind dully - how did they know he wasn't double-crossing them? Dumbledore knew things about him, obviously, that kept his confidence in the dark man firm, but Rowan still wasn't so sure she was convinced, though she wasn't sure if she was unconvinced either. Snape continued to be a complete anomaly in her mind, elusively slipping from categorization and feeling.

But as more and more members settled in, the absence of the Advance Guard weighed heavily into Rowan. She looked up at the clock and saw that it was nearly time for the meeting to start - how much longer would they be gone? How much longer would she have to wait to see Harry?

"You!"

Rowan looked up to see Sirius standing in the doorway, glaring venomously at Snape. She grimaced and prepared to intervene.

"Black," said Snape curtly with a lazy gaze. He eyed his disheveled appearance disdainfully then smirked. "I'd heard you'd been playing housekeeper recently, but I had no idea you'd be wiping the floors with your own clothes. Such a thoughtful and giving host," he sneered. Sirius' face slowly began to turn red with fury, but as he opened his mouth to bite back, another figure entered.

"Sirius, sit down."

Sirius' anger suddenly slipped from his face as he spun to see Mina gazing at him evenly as she entered the kitchen behind him. Rowan saw a flicker of annoyance there, but the patience she was demonstrating was astounding. Rowan watched wondrously as she pushed Sirius gently towards the table, and even more amazing, Sirius obeyed, plopping down into a seat huffily but silently, shooting Snape one last dirty look. The Potions Master seemed ready to mock Sirius for his obedience, but after Mina shot him a scathing warning look that could burn up a sea, he quickly shut his mouth. The two men glared at each other coldly, but silence settled over the room. McGonagall sighed.

"They are late," she said, eyeing the clock with pursed lips.

"Do you think they're all right?" Molly fretted quietly.

"I'm sure they're fine, Mum," said Bill. He didn't look at all worried, leaning back in his chair casually. Rowan wished she could feel the same.

But, right as her anxiety began to well up again, there was a clicking from the hallway and a series of muffled voices. Rowan and Sirius sprang to their feet.

"No!" snipped McGonagall. "Molly, would you please show Potter upstairs?" she asked. Molly frowned with confusion, glancing to both Rowan and Sirius. Rowan stared incredulously at the Gryffindor Head and Sirius looked as if he might murder someone. McGonagall glared at them. "If either of you go out there to see Potter, you will delay the meeting even further. Molly can show him upstairs quickly. The two of you can wait one more hour to see him." She gave them one that searing look before nodding to Molly again.

Molly didn't need to be told twice. She hurried out, but Rowan and Sirius stared after her, still standing. Rowan's ears strained to hear Harry's voice but could only catch snippets of what might be him; she wasn't sure. Mina tugged on Sirius' sleeve again. He hesitated before sinking down again slowly, eyes still glued to the door, but Rowan remained standing.

Finally, the door swung open, revealing the members of the Advance Guard. Will and Sturgis entered together first, both grinning and snickering over a shared joke. Will beamed around at the room.

"Safe and sound!" he announced.

Smiles of relief were shared around the room, but Rowan still stared into the hallways. She caught a glimpse of what looked like Harry's trunk as it floated up the stairs behind him and Molly, but her line of vision was blocked by the Order members now filing in. Finally, Moody clomped into the room, followed by Remus and Tonks, whose hair was now bubblegum pink instead of its former purple. Tonks was whispering something to him with a bright grin, to which he was smiling softly and nodding. As he entered the kitchen, he looked up to catch Rowan's eye. He shot her a reassuring smile and a subtle nod. Her lips tightened, but she nodded back, anxiety falling away slightly. He said something quick to Tonks, who looked over at Rowan with a surprised expression, and then left the young Auror's side to approach Rowan. He squeezed her shoulder gently as he slipped into the seat beside her and then leaned in quickly.

"He's fine. Don't worry," he whispered. He gave her a warm look, which seemed to echo in her cheeks as they went slightly pink, but she smiled gratefully at him. The pressure of his hand seemed to push her concerns down.

"Thank you," she breathed. He nodded kindly again before letting his hand slip away from her shoulders. Her chest ached as she felt his warmth, too, fall away.

* * *

IV.

The meeting was going too long. Rowan looked up at the clock on the wall anxiously again – how had it only been twenty minutes? Even if she couldn't see or hear him, she felt Harry's presence in the rooms above them heavily. She wanted to see him!

"… uneventful, thankfully. Had a run in with Scrimgeour, but he doesn't have anything substantial with which to accuse us…"

Rowan wanted to listen, but nothing of real significance had happened this past week, or at least, it seemed that way. Mina had scolded her for wanting to skip on the meeting today, but even though she knew her best friend was right, she couldn't find any motivation to pay attention, not when Harry was there. Sirius seemed to be of the same sentiment, twitching anxiously throughout the meeting to the point where McGonagall had threatened to petrify him.

Dumbledore wasn't there, curiously. Rowan had never known the Headmaster to skip Order meetings. Though he sometimes chose to only observe and moderate, he always made it a point to be present. Indeed, it seemed odd that Snape had come at all when Dumbledore wasn't there – wasn't he working solely for Dumbledore? It'd be foolish to think that Snape was in the Order out of some sense of moral obligation or sense of camaraderie. So why was he even there?

Snape was presenting his most recent work now, and Rowan screamed at herself half-heartedly to listen, but her brain seemed to turn to mush at the sound of his monotonous voice.

"… conclude that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is still nowhere close to executing his plans. I believe…"

Rowan's head felt heavy. She squeezed her eyes tightly to wring the fatigue from them. She really needed to find an assistant for the Hogsmeade shop. There was no way she could manage to continue on in this way with the war.

But just as she felt her eyes begin to draw shut again, the entire room seemed to jerk awake. Panic hit her as a loud but muffled voice rang out:

"SO YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN THE MEETINGS, BIG DEAL! YOU'VE STILL BEEN HERE, HAVEN'T YOU? YOU'VE STILL BEEN TOGETHER! ME, I'VE BEEN STUCK AT THE DURSLEYS' FOR A MONTH! AND I'VE HANDLED MORE THAN YOU TWO'VE EVER MANAGED AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS IT!"

Rowan's face went pale. The entire room fell silent as Harry's voice boomed above them, either dumbstruck or appalled at the sudden outburst. Snape's lip curled upward disdainfully, clearly displeased about being interrupted by his least favorite student. Rowan glared furiously at him, daring him to give a snide comment, but he seemed to at least have the decorum to keep his rude comments to himself for now, only giving her a haughty sneer.

Not all of Harry's rant was discernible, but they caught bits and pieces - "escape" and "Dumbledore" and "swear." Rowan wanted to curl up and die. Not only did she feel great shame for Harry's anger, she also felt a huge wave of humiliation at his behavior. It was ghastly, petulant. She could feel the looks of pity and even judgment from her fellow Order members as she stared down at her lap. She'd argued on his behalf for this very reason - he'd be angry and resentful - but this wasn't what she'd expected of the usually quiet boy. With every shaking bellow, her face burned hotter with shame.

Finally, the shouting stopped, and silence settled over them uneasily. Rowan couldn't bring herself to look into the faces of her friends, torn between a mix of shame for her apparent inability to teach her godson propriety and for feeling ashamed about him at all – after all, didn't he have a right to be angry?

McGonagall cleared her throat and gazed around the room tightly, as if daring anyone to say anything. No one did.

"Well, then, as we were saying before…"

Rowan paid attention to the rest of the meeting, face slightly warm throughout and now very awake; however, the eagerness to see Harry had been significantly dampened. In fact, she was now dreading facing him, knowing what needed to be said but wishing she didn't have to.

* * *

Remus watched Rowan carefully as the meeting ended and the Order began to stand, talking quietly amongst themselves. Rowan had immediately stood and made her way to Sirius. They spoke quietly in rushed whispers, no doubt trying to figure out how to address Harry when he came downstairs.

However, Sirius wasn't looking nearly as bothered as Rowan about Harry's outburst. In fact, he was looking quite energized by his godson's apparent anger. Remus supposed Sirius was feeling vindicated, as if he'd been right all along – that they shouldn't have left Harry at the Dursleys' for so long, that keeping anyone isolated in one place for so long was wrong.

Rowan, too, looked angry, but not in the same vein as Sirius' anger. The look on her face was reminiscent of the expression Arthur wore when he first told them about Percy's decision to side with Fudge. Remus watched the two godparents argue quietly in the corner, realizing where they were now beginning to diverge, no longer united in their plans for the teenager. He felt a swell of pride towards Rowan as he saw the determination tighten in her face – she was finally prepared to be Harry's parent, not just his friend – but also dread as he realized Sirius would be fighting her all the way.

Suddenly, there was the rapid thrum of footsteps coming down the stairs, and Remus looked to the door quickly – the Weasleys and Harry were coming down. Remus looked back at Rowan again and saw her face pale with dread – she still didn't know what she was going to do. For the first time since meeting her again, he felt the sudden punch of frustration with her – when had she become so indecisive? He started towards her, mouth opening to talk some sense into her, but then came a loud _crash_.

"_Tonks!"_ came Molly's voice from the hall.

"_I'm sorry!" _wailed Tonks. Remus wanted to hit himself with frustration. Why couldn't that girl walk properly without tripping even one night? "It's that stupid umbrella stand! That's the second time I've tripped over-"

Remus was sprinting out the door before Tonks could even finish her first sentence, but it was too late. The rest of her words were drowned by a horrible, ear-splitting, blood-curdling screech.

"_FILTH! SCUM! BY-PRODUCTS OF DIRT AND VILENESS! HALF-BREEDS, MUTANT, FREAKS! BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE! HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS-"_

Remus caught a glimpse of Harry, Ron, and Hermione standing wide-eyed on the stairs before running past them, grabbing desperately at the moth-eaten curtains that hung around the portrait of the late Walburga Black. He and Molly tugged hard on the curtains, but they remained open, voice screeching into their ears. Molly threw herself away from the tall portrait and began stunning the rest, which were all now screaming and groaning along with Mrs. Black – a terrible, dissonant symphony.

"Shut up, you horrible old hag! SHUT UP!" came Sirius' roaring voice. His form nearly slammed into the wall as he grabbed for the curtains.

As soon as her large, drooling face caught sight of Sirius, her eyes widened even farther, if possible.

"YOU!" she howled, her eyes popping at the sight of the man. "BLOOD TRAITOR, ABOMINATION, SHAME OF MY FLESH!"

"I said - shut - UP!" screamed Sirius, and with a stupendous effort he and Remus forced the curtains shut. A few more mumbles bubbled beneath the curtains, but after a few moments, she went silent, leaving Remus and Sirius panting slightly in the hall. Sirius stood and turned to face his godson.

"Hello, Harry," he said grimly. "I see you've met my mother."

* * *

Rowan wanted to curl up and die.

Dinner had been a happy, riotous affair. Or at least, it would have been had Harry not been ignoring her and Sirius for the entire hour.

Harry had spoken briefly to Sirius in the hall before sullenly trudging into the kitchen, shooting Rowan a dull, resentful glance, and then sitting down silently between Ron and Hermione. Even Sirius, who had been so vindicated in the prospect of Harry's anger before, could not be pleased about the boy's petulant behavior now. He was eating silently, only muttering little things to Rowan and Mina every so often like, "This is fucking Dumbledore's fault," and "We didn't fucking do anything." Rowan could only glare silently at him and then try to make conversation again with everyone else around the table, unable to even attempt at coaxing Harry into conversation, knowing that he'd only shoot her down.

Rowan felt like an awkward child again in school, trying desperately to make conversation with the older, more glamorous Gryffindors. But why? She was thirty-five for Merlin's sake! How was a fifteen year-old boy making her feel like she was an unpopular kid at the loser end of the house table? Better yet, why was she letting him? He had the right to be angry, but did he have the right to be angry at _her?_

Perhaps, but handling the situation in this way wasn't right, no matter how furious he was. He wasn't five. He was nearly a legal adult now. He knew how to handle his anger in a more mature way at this point. There was no excuse for this kind of behavior.

Dinner ended before she could figure out how to broach this topic with him, and as Molly stood to begin clearing the dishes away, panic started to fill her hotly again.

"Nearly time for bed, I think," said Molly with a yawn.

"Not just yet." Rowan looked up with surprise to see Sirius pushing away his plate with a determined look directed at Harry. She shot him an angry glare, but he blatantly ignored her. He was trying to beat her to the quick, overstepping her joint authority. Harry gazed back warily, anger still flickering in his eyes but clearly intrigued by Sirius' directness. "I know you have questions about Voldemort, Harry. If you want to ask, now's the time."

The atmosphere in the room changed with the rapidity one would associate with the arrival of Dementors. Where seconds before it had been sleepily relaxed, it was now alert, even tense. A frisson had gone around the table at the mention of Voldemort's name. Remus, who had been about to take a sip of wine, lowered his goblet slowly, looking wary. Harry's face screwed up with frustration.

"I did!" said Harry indignantly. It came cutting across the room – the first Rowan had heard it so clearly in months. "I asked Ron and Hermione but they said we're not allowed in the Order, so-"

"And they're quite right," said Molly. "You're too young." She was sitting bolt upright in her chair, her fists clenched on its arms, every trace of drowsiness gone.

"Since when did someone have to be in the Order of the Phoenix to ask questions?" asked Sirius. "Harry's been trapped in that Muggle house for a month. He's got the right to know what's been happen-"

"Hang on!" interrupted George loudly.

"How come Harry gets his questions answered?" said Fred angrily.

"We've been trying to get stuff out of you for a month and you haven't told us a single stinking thing!" said George.

"_You're too young. You're not in the Order_," said Fred, in a high-pitched voice that sounded uncannily like his mother's. "Harry's not even of age!"

"It's not my fault you haven't been told what the Order's doing," said Sirius calmly. "That's your parents' decision. Harry, on the other hand-"

"It's not down to you to decide what's good for Harry!" said Molly sharply. The expression on her normally kind face looked dangerous. "You haven't forgotten what Dumbledore said, I suppose?"

"Which bit?" Sirius asked politely, but with the air of a man readying himself for a fight.

"The bit about not telling Harry more than he _needs to know_," said Molly, placing a heavy emphasis on the last three words.

Ron, Hermione, Fred and George's heads swiveled from Sirius to Molly, as though they were following a tennis rally. Ginny was kneeling amid a pile of abandoned Butterbeer corks with Crookshanks, watching the conversation with her mouth slightly open. Remus and Rowan watched Sirius with wide-eyed gazes.

Rowan had no idea what to do. Harry deserved to know more than what he'd been given, but to what extent? Sirius was broaching on dangerous territory. Regardless of how much Harry was involved, he was still only fifteen, and he had inherited James' bad habit of looking for trouble. One bit of the wrong information, and he'd be off looking for Death Eaters!

"I don't intend to tell him more than he needs to know, Molly," said Sirius. "But as he was the one who saw Voldemort come back, he has more right than most to-"

"He's not a member of the Order of the Phoenix!" argued Molly. "He's only fifteen and-"

"And he's dealt with as much as most in the Order," said Sirius, "and more than some."

"No one's denying what he's done!' said Molly, her voice rising, her fists trembling on the arms of her chair. "But he's still-"

"He's not a child!" said Sirius impatiently.

"He's not an adult either!" said Molly, the colour rising in her cheeks. "He's not James, Sirius!"

Rowan's throat clenched. That's what it was – what had been bothering her. Harry wasn't James. She'd been tiptoeing her way around her godson's anger all this time, allowing the years of guilt to eat away at her when there was no room or time for it. _He wasn't James_. James was gone, and he'd left behind his son for them to care for, a son who needed as much discipline as love. In his isolation, he'd suffered, but he'd also lacked any guidance. He didn't know how to deal with these feelings because no one had ever taught him.

"I'm perfectly clear who he is. Thanks, Molly," said Sirius coldly.

"I'm not sure you are!" bit back Molly. "Sometimes, the way you talk about him, it's as though you think you've got your best friend back!"

"What's wrong with that?" said Harry.

"What's wrong is that you're not, Harry, no matter how much you might want to be," Rowan finally said. Everyone turned to face her, eyes wide with surprise. She grimaced slightly and looked at Harry hard. Resolution clenched in her stomach solidly. She could feel Sirius' accusing glare burning into her, but she ignored it. What mattered right now is that Harry understood. She'd deal with Sirius' petulance later. She clenched her stomach tightly to keep her anger under control. She needed to reason with him first.

"You're not James, Harry, and while you do deserve to know some of what's been going on, you are not an overage wizard yet, and you are not an Order member," she said firmly. His eyes narrowed, but she hardened her gaze further. "We'll answer whatever questions we can, but your behavior right now towards me, Molly, and Sirius is inappropriate. You deserve some answers, but you haven't earned the right to lash out at us."

"But Winnie!" cried Molly. "There is a reason for Dumbledore's decision to not tell him more than he needs to know! He kept him with his aunt and uncle all this time for a reason!"

"Personally," said Remus quietly, looking away from Sirius at last, as Molly turned quickly to him, hopeful that finally she was about to get an ally, "I think it better that Harry gets the facts - not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture - from us, rather than a garbled version from… others."

Rowan caught Remus shooting a small glance to Fred and George and knew that he was aware that Molly had not managed to purge all of the Extendable Ears in her last raid. She'd known for a while – the twins had never been able to keep secrets from her for long – but apparently Remus had been paying attention as well.

"Well," said Molly, breathing deeply and looking around the table for support that did not come, "Well… I can see I'm going to be overruled. I'll just say this: Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and speaking as someone who has Harry's best interests at heart-"

"He's not your son," said Sirius quietly.

"He's as good as!" said Molly fiercely. "Who else has he got?" Sirius started to rise from his chair, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry," said Mina sharply, speaking up for the first time since the debate began. She then turned to Sirius angrily. "Sirius, sit down," she hissed. Sirius and Molly both looked at the Auror with highly chastised expressions. They both sat slowly, still eyeing the other as if ready to defend themselves at the slightest indication of an attack.

"I want to know what's been going on!" Harry demanded angrily.

Another argument broke out between Molly and her children. Fred and George demanded that they were allowed to stay as they were both overage. Ron and Hermione argued that Harry would just tell them as soon as he got upstairs anyway. Unfortunately for Ginny, she was only fourteen and was not guaranteed Harry's confidence, and so she was banished upstairs.

Ginny did not go quietly. They could hear her raging and storming at her mother all the way up the stairs, and when she reached the hall Mrs. Blacks ear-splitting shrieks were added to the din. Rowan grimaced as Remus hurried off to the portrait again tiredly to restore calm. It was only after he had returned, closing the kitchen door behind him and taking his seat at the table again, that Rowan spoke again:

"Okay, Harry, what do you want to know?"

* * *

A very long and trying discussion got under way. Harry's anger seemed appeased slightly by the answers he was getting from the group with Remus, Sirius, and Rowan speaking the most. Every so often Bill, Arthur, or Mina would throw in little comments, but for the most part, Harry seemed to want to hear most from his godparents. Remus was very relieved to see the boy steadily opening up to them again.

"So why haven't you been getting the word out? How can no one know?"

"The Ministry's been very hard on their stance that anyone who sides with Dumbledore will be sacked," said Bill morosely. "We're fortunate enough that Kingsley and Mina are in the Auror department to redirect the hunt for Sirius and to do as much discreet recruitment for the Order as possible from the young generation of new Aurors, but it's not like they can go around openly asking people to join."

"And Arthur can't say anything either, considering his position," said Mina morosely.

"I think Rowan's the only one besides Dumbledore who can publicly declare any sort of loyalties without any major repercussions, seeing as she's her own employer, but that will only get us so far I think. She's not exactly popular in certain circles because of the whole werewolf research thing," Bill said with a nod to the Potions Master.

"Won't you lose customers though?" asked Harry concernedly. Rowan gave a sort of weak shrug and a wry smile.

"My products are good enough that most people won't care either way in regards to my politics. Supply and demand is nice in that way," she said dryly. "I'm more worried about my patients getting harassed by Death Eaters, but honestly, they're all probably used to being treated with hostility for other reasons. When the Death Eaters start going public, _then_ I'll start to worry."

"But if no one else is putting the news out that Voldemort's back-" Harry began.

"Who said no one else is putting the news out?" said Sirius. "Why do you think Dumbledore's in such trouble?"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"They're trying to discredit him," said Remus. "Didn't you see the _Daily Prophet_ last week? They reported that he'd been voted out of the Chairmanship of the International Confederation of Wizards because he's getting old and losing his grip, but it's not true. He was voted out by Ministry wizards after he made a speech announcing Voldemort's return. They've demoted him from Chief Warlock on the Wizengamot - that's the Wizard High Court - and they're talking about taking away his Order of Merlin, First Class, too."

"But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog Cards," said Bill, grinning.

"It's no laughing matter," Arthur sharply. "If he carries on defying the Ministry like this he could end up in Azkaban, and the last thing we want is to have Dumbledore locked up. While You-Know-Who knows Dumbledore's out there and wise to what he's up to he's going to go cautiously. If Dumbledore's out of the way - well, You-Know-Who will have a clear field."

"But if Voldemort's trying to recruit more Death Eaters it's bound to get out that he's come back, isn't it?" asked Harry desperately.

"Voldemort doesn't march up to people's houses and bang on their front doors, Harry," said Sirius. "Do you not remember what I've told you about the Imperius Curse and Death Eaters like Barty Crouch and Wormtail? Voldemort's well-practiced at operating in secret through means like blackmail and jinxes." Remus nodded, bristling at the thought of the young Crouch. He glanced over at Rowan, who was glowering lowly at her hands in her lap. He'd never asked her for her thoughts on seeing the Death Eater again and wondered what her thoughts were in regards to the now vegetative man.

"In any case, gathering followers isn't his main priority right now. He has an easy enough time with that. He has other things on his mind," said Mina bitterly.

Remus frowned heavily. They'd slipped - the conversation was going too far, in a direction it shouldn't be headed. Harry needed answers, but not this much. He opened his mouth to argue, but another came before his.

"That's enough!"

Molly spoke from the shadows beside the door. Her arms were crossed, and she looked furious.

"I want you in bed, now - all of you," she added, looking around at Fred, George, Ron and Hermione.

"You can't boss us-" Fred began.

"Watch me," snarled Molly. She was trembling slightly as she looked at Sirius. "You've given Harry plenty of information. Anymore and you might just as well induct him into the Order straightaway."

"Why not?" said Harry quickly. "I'll join. I want to join. I want to fight!"

"No."

Everyone looked up to see Remus gazing calmly but firmly at Harry.

"The Order is comprised only of overage wizards," he said. "Wizards who have left school," he added, with a sharp glare at the twins as opened their mouths to argue. "There are dangers involved of which you can have no idea, any of you. I think Molly's right, Sirius. We've said enough."

"But-"

"Harry, stop."

Remus turned to see Rowan shaking her head now, a sort of resigned expression on her face. She gave Harry a hard look that made his determination waver slightly.

"I know you're eager, but this is where Sirius and I will disagree, and I will not budge on it," she said with a cursory glance to Sirius. He gave Rowan a scathing look, which she ignored. Remus grimaced inwardly – they would surely be getting into it as soon as Harry was out of earshot. "I know you think you're ready to fight - and Merlin knows you have just as much reason to as anyone else - but you're not ready to become an Order member, not yet." Harry looked like he wished to argue, but he kept his mouth shut, eyes burning with frustration into Rowan. Remus remembered that look on Lily's face when Dumbledore had told her she wasn't old enough to join yet either. Rowan's expression softened, as if remembering the same thing.

"This isn't a matter of you contributing or proving yourself. This is about your life, and when it comes down to it, your life is the most important thing to us. Above any moral debates or battles, _you_ are our highest priority. So no, you are not joining. Not yet."

Harry's face contorted with conflict, wishing to argue and yet not wishing to hurt his godmother. She seemed to recognize his turmoil and sighed softly, turning away. Remus caught her eye and gave her a soft but proud smile. She looked like even she was questioning her decision, but she remained resolute, drawing herself up again confidently.

"You can fight me all you want, Harry, but I'm telling you this now: my decision will not change, and no matter what Sirius says, I can tell you that Dumbledore won't allow it either. When you turn seventeen, we'll discuss it again, but until then, this conversation is done."

Harry seemed torn. He clearly wanted to push the argument further, but one look from his godmother's face said she meant every word: she wasn't going to budge. She met his gaze sharply, daring him to fight her. Finally, he averted his gaze, and Molly seemed to take this as her cue. She started beckoning the teenager towards the door, and one by one, they all reluctantly started for the hall. Harry paused once and looked back at Rowan and Sirius. Remus thought for a moment that he might come over and hug Rowan like he usually did, but he only gave a sort of conflicted grimace before turning back for the stairs, and with a swing of the door he was gone. As they heard them start up the stairs, Sirius immediately turned on Rowan angrily.

"You won't budge on this? Are you kidding me right now?" he seethed. Her eyes narrowed angrily at him, drawing herself up. Remus marveled at how indecisive she could be in the face of her godson and yet how fierce and bristling she was facing off against anyone else.

"Oh, don't start with me! You have no right to be making any decisions for Harry without talking to me first!" she bit back. Remus saw Bill stand quickly and mutter Imperturbable Charms at the door again to block the sound of their arguing from the hall before it got too loud. Remus shot him a tight smile - good thinking.

"I don't see why I should have to on this! You're supposed to be on _my_ side! What happened to all that talk the other day? You were all about, 'Fuck Dumbledore this.' Now you're on his side too?" he roared.

"Just because I think Harry should've been here all along doesn't mean that he should be in the Order! He's only fifteen, Sirius!"

"We were more than ready to fight when_ we _were fifteen!" Rowan let out a cold laugh.

"Seriously? Fifteen? You couldn't even do a decent summoning charm back then, let alone duel Death Eaters!" she scoffed. "We're supposed to be setting an example for Harry, not encouraging him to fight!"

"I am setting an example! Isn't fighting what James and Lily would do? They were raring to fight!" he shouted. Rowan looked like she could strangle him.

"James and Lily didn't join until we were all eighteen, Sirius!" she argued. "And how dare you try to use them as an example! Do you really think they died just so their son could get thrown back into battle?" she roared.

Sirius faltered for a moment, taken aback by Rowan's comment. She took his moment of hesitation to her advantage, setting into him again.

"James and Lily died in the last war because of their involvement! How the hell can you _want_ that for Harry? What kind of fucking godfather wants that for his godson?" she accused furiously. Sirius nearly recoiled.

"Harry's fifteen, Sirius! Fifteen! This isn't some god damn chance for you to redo the First War! This is real, and _he_ is real! He's not James! He's just Harry!" she shouted. Remus watched wondrously as her eyes seemed to flare with her fury, her face tinged pink with heat. He suddenly remembered that moment in the Great Hall years before when he'd watched her verbally spar with Damocles Belby. She'd won then too.

"I know you're angry about the time you've lost and being kept locked up here. We've all got mistakes we wish we could change, but Harry's not some sort of do-over for you! He's your fucking godson, and it's about time you started acting like his parent, not his best mate!" she seethed. Rowan flicked her shaking hair from her face imperiously and stepped towards him, chin raised to Sirius' face despite the significant size difference. "Stop taking your resentment towards Dumbledore and feeding it to Harry. Clean the fuck up and act your age, Sirius."

Sirius' lip curled angrily again, but he couldn't seem to find the words to fight Rowan. He then looked at Mina, who was standing a ways back from their torrent, watching warily. Her eyes narrowed, and although she didn't say anything, Remus could tell that she was in agreement with Rowan. Sirius seemed to recoil slightly with hurt, but then he looked back to Rowan. She'd backed away slightly, but her face was still drawn angrily, holding his gaze with as much defiance as before. Sirius looked between the two women, torn, but after a few moments of silence, it was apparent that neither was backing down. Sirius threw his hands into the air with a frustrated roar then shoved angrily past Rowan, Remus, and Bill.

"Fuck all of you!" he shouted, and with a swing of the door, he was gone.


	33. The Weight of the Weary

**A/N: **Sorry, this has been a busy week. Work is piling up with the holiday season. Buh. Thank you to everyone who reviewed though! So many, it's like Christmas already!

**wickedgrl123:** Haha yeah, this entire book is incredibly frustrating for me. I found Harry, Sirius, and Cho all really annoying, and out of all the books I've read, Umbridge is just the most hate-worthy character in my mind to this day. Rowan's injection into this AU will provide a little relief, I hope. I also feel you about Tonks. I always liked her, but she seemed way too immature for Remus, who'd been through so many ordeals by the time he met her. I feel like with his life experience, it was more like a pairing of a 60 year-old and a 22 year-old, which makes it even more imbalanced. Thanks for the review and for ranting with me haha.

**missalex3030:** Thank you so much. This entire story has turned out to be much longer than I'd anticipated, but seeing how the characters have changed and developed over the past year (holy crap, it's almost been a year) is surreal. And the experience of having loyal readers following along is an entirely unexpected aspect that's contributed to it all profoundly. I've definitely become very attached to the characters, so I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you have too. And Claire's chapter! I'm so happy you liked it so much b/c I was particularly proud of it haha. You always seem to clue into the details/chapters that I enjoyed writing the most. Thank you again and again!

**Nikos Pyrr:** THANK YOU for reading/reviewing! I'm so glad you enjoyed Claire's chapter. It was a lot of fun for me to write, and she's turning out to be much more dynamic than I'd expected. And I'm glad Rowan and Sirius' argument came out okay. Those fast dialogues are the hardest for me to think through. I have to amp myself up before I start plotting them out haha.

**Marylin C:** Thank you! I'm glad people are responding well to Claire. I like her a lot and am planning to use her a bit more in the future. As for your proposition, I don't see any problem with it as long as there's clarification that she's my character, like you said. I'd love to read it too if you're willing to translate! The cover image is taking some time. This month is pretty packed for me in regards to work and the holidays, so it most likely won't happen for a while. I'm in no hurry to post the Portuguese translation in a rush, so if you're okay with holding off for a bit, I could use the time. Sorry to the Brazilian and Portuguese readers though :/

**gypsyfurface:** Hm, I thought that too, but considering how clueless most wizards seem with doing simple things like exchanging Muggle money, I'm not sure they'd know much about Muggle religions. I would imagine they'd have something similar though, so they'd at least understand the concept. Religion and spirituality seems like a pretty universal, primitive idea. But that's neither here nor there (I can't believe I'm seriously even thinking about this. What's happening to my life? -_-) - thank you so much for the review! I'm really happy to hear that the story evokes something emotional for you. Thank you again!

**Eirithdiel:** Yeah, I've always been torn between love and frustration with Sirius. I'm taking a lot of creative liberties by injecting Rowan in there and changing so much, but oh well. Umbridge isn't coming in for another few chapters. I'm dragging the summer out a bit since there are more nuances between Order members that I feel need to be elaborated on now that everyone is reunited for the first time, so the tempo will be slowing down again.

**bridget237:** Sorry for the wait! Thanks for the review!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of this!

Rowling, J. K. (2003). _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._ Scholastic: New York.

* * *

**Chapter 32: The Weight of the Weary**

I.

For the following days after Harry's arrival, Sirius locked himself in his room. Harry didn't know exactly what happened after he and the Weasley children left the kitchen that night, but he'd caught the smallest sliver of shouting between his godparents before the noise had completely gone silent. Fred and George had Apparated into his and Ron's room with their Extendable Ears, but it had seemed that the kitchen door had been Imperturbed again, much to their disappointment, leaving the content of their row to much speculation.

Now, with Sirius locked away in his private fortress, Harry was still as confused as ever as to what had happened, as Rowan hadn't returned to 12 Grimmauld Place since that night either. Lupin and Mina had informed him that she was busy with the impending full moon – indeed, Lupin was looking rougher with each day – but Harry couldn't help but suspect that her avoidance was due to both her row with Sirius and Harry's own behavior.

Harry had gone to bed angry that night, but when he woke the next day, it'd been dampened with a heavy ache in his gut that he identified as guilt – guilt for hurting her, guilt for assuming that they didn't have his best interests in mind. Rowan had been there every step of the way since he'd been born, even if he hadn't known it, and he'd taken his momentary bitterness out on her and Sirius. Lupin had since told him vaguely of their anger towards Dumbledore over the past couple of months, and he'd been filled with a wave of shame, knowing that they'd been his fiercest defenders, and yet he'd treated them as if his isolation at the Dursleys' had been their fault.

But now, he couldn't even apologize. Each time he'd knocked on Sirius' door, Sirius had simply barked angrily for whoever was there to go away, apparently angry at him now too, and Rowan was completely avoiding Headquarters altogether. Each day since that first meeting, he'd come downstairs with the hope that they would be seated at that table waiting for him, but every day, it'd only been Lupin, the Weasleys, or Tonks.

Tonks – Harry quite liked her. She had been coming and going regularly from Headquarters, apparently heavily involved and enthusiastic about contributing. She was extremely funny for a girl – he'd never found any other girl besides Ginny, Rowan, or Aarini so amusing – and he liked her eccentricities. She had been around a couple of times since he'd arrived for Order business and dinner, and he'd found her funny stories to be a great distraction from the absence of his godparents.

Lupin told Harry after dinner one night that she reminded him a bit of Rowan from their younger days. Harry could perhaps see the similarities if he squinted his eyes and cocked his head, but though Tonks had a similar sense of humor and wit, he couldn't compare the two – not really. Rowan didn't have Mina's poise or grace, but there was a sort of dignity to her that Tonks didn't seem to have. He supposed it could've been something she'd developed over the years - she was much older than Tonks, after all - but Rowan seemed much more mature, more intense, even in her lighter moments. Rowan was someone in whom he could confide easily, someone safe. He couldn't ever see Tonks as that kind of someone. She was still too much of a child, he thought, even if she was much older than he.

Another thing: he didn't like the way Tonks looked at Lupin. Though Lupin didn't seem to return the sentiment, Hermione had pointed out that Tonks had been paying special attention to the older man, sitting next to him at dinner and always eager to speak to him. She, too, had seemed unwelcome to the idea, huffing almost defensively on Rowan's behalf. Ron had laughed at it.

_Lupin and Tonks? That's a laugh! If Lupin couldn't handle Rowan, how could he handle Tonks? He'd die of exhaustion!_

Harry wanted to agree vehemently with this. Though Rowan had insisted and insisted over the past year that her romantic relationship with Lupin was long done, he couldn't help but like the idea of them together. His godmother and his favorite professor – it seemed like something out of a film. In the few times he'd seen them together, he couldn't help but think that they simply fit. And even if they weren't _together_, the way they acted with each other was more than just that of friends. There was obviously a deeper intimacy between them, and even if it was simply out of habit, Harry couldn't help but hope that there was more to it than that.

But he couldn't dwell on that now. His mind was full of darker things. He stared down at his mug of tea quietly as he mulled over the dismal events of this summer. Hermione looked at him shiftily.

"Should we tell Ron?" whispered Hermione. Harry shook his head.

"No, I don't think he'd know what to do and probably make it worse. Best to keep it from him for now," Harry said. Hermione nodded gravely.

The two were sitting in the kitchen quietly after the disastrous run-in with the Boggart in the drawing room desk. Mrs. Weasley had attempted to take care of it, but Harry had found her weeping on the floor over the dead body of one Weasley child then the next. Lupin had quickly vanquished it as easily as he had in his DADA class, but the sight of his other mother-figure so distraught had certainly left Harry feeling quite sobered.

He had never thought of the outcome of this war in such concrete terms, but Mrs. Weasley's words had hit him hard: "_Half of the family in the Order… It'll be a miracle if we all make it out alive."_ He thought back to Sirius and Rowan's dark stories over the past year and realized just how little he still understood. They'd been in the same situation before. They'd lost more friends than they could count, and yet, they were still willing to fight. The guilt came back again – how could he have demanded to join when they were already sacrificing so much to fight _for _him? He wanted to bow his head with shame.

"Where is Ron now?" asked Hermione.

"I think he and Ginny are taking care of the doxies in the foyer," said Harry, completely disinterested in any form of cleaning. Hermione nodded, looking at him nervously.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" she asked.

Harry's stomach lurched. His disciplinary hearing was the next day. He'd been hoping to keep his mind off of it with the cleaning, but now that seemed moot. He kept telling himself it'd be fine, but his mind kept tracing back to the initial letter of expulsion he'd received from the Department of Underage Magic. What if he really was expelled? Would he have to come live here as an outcast? Would he and Sirius remain trapped in this house forever?

Rowan. He wanted Rowan to be there, but she was nowhere to be found. He hadn't felt such an intense longing to see her since the Third Task. Had she forgotten about his hearing, or was she so angry at him that she didn't even want to see him? Had he really mucked up their relationship so badly in just one evening?

Hermione seemed to read the dread across his face. She opened her mouth again, but the door swung open just in time to cut her off. Lupin emerged, face lighting up at the sight of them.

"Ah, Harry, there you are," he said.

"What's up?" he asked. Lupin gestured to him quickly to stand and follow. Harry looked back at Hermione hesitantly as he moved to the door, but Lupin called for him to hurry. They walked quickly back to the drawing room. Harry grimaced, not wanting to be there again.

But farther into the room in the fireplace was a bright green flame, and in it was the floating head of his godmother. His chest tightened as he rushed forward, falling to his knees in front of her. She smiled tightly at him.

"Hi, Rowan," he breathed. He couldn't help but smile despite the torrent in his head. She had such a strange way of showing up when he needed her most. Her face seemed to melt with relief.

"Hi, Harry," she said softly. Her expression then faltered slightly. "I'm sorry I haven't been around at all over the past few days. It's been really hectic here, unfortunately, and I haven't had a chance to get away," she said.

Harry could crow with happiness. She wasn't angry at him!

"No, I completely understand. I know you're busy with the full moon coming up," he insisted. She gave him the warmest smile he'd seen in a while. He felt it hit him deep in the gut.

"I should still be there. We still need to celebrate your birthday after all," she said. Harry shook his head.

"No, it's okay. We don't need to do that. It's just another day in the year," he said. This time Rowan shook her head earnestly.

"It's not just another day," she said. She then faltered hesitantly. "I was thinking we could do it after your hearing." She paused again, face falling guiltily. "That's actually why I was calling on you," she said. Harry frowned, stomach clenching with disappointment. He could already hear her apology.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but I can't make it to Headquarters in time to see you before your hearing," she said, guilt dripping off of every word. "I just have so much work with the full moon tonight, and my mum's fallen ill, so I need to go help out at the house. I really want to be there, but I figured I wouldn't even be able to go into the Ministry with you, and Arthur is there, and-"

"Rowan, it's okay," Harry interrupted. He felt a dull pang of disappointment, but the sight of her contrite face was enough to soothe his worries, at least for the moment. "I know you'd be here if you could. Just take care of your mum and work and everything, and I'll see you after?" Rowan's face stretched into a shy but blindingly bright smile.

"Thank you, Harry. I'll definitely see you after," she said ardently. Harry felt his own face match her expression. "I'll make it up to you. I swear. This won't ever happen again," she promised fiercely. Despite the disappointment, he couldn't help but feel extremely grateful for this rambling woman. No one in the world had ever cared so much about the ups and downs of his life.

"It's okay. But thank you, really," he said genuinely. "I really can't tell you how much I appreciate you just making the effort at all. That's enough for me." Rowan shook her head ardently.

"No, that's not enough. I should be there with you, and I should have foreseen this conflict. You shouldn't have to go into these things alone, and even if Arthur is there, I should be too," she insisted. Harry couldn't help but smile at her frustration.

"Thanks, Rowan," he said simply. He hoped she understood. Her lips fought in a tight line before sighing with defeat.

"Next time - I promise, Harry. I swear you won't have to go through anything like this alone again," she said. Harry grinned.

"Well, I'd hope that I wouldn't have to go through another disciplinary hearing at the Ministry. Seems like a bad habit to get into," he joked. Rowan let out a snorting laugh. She shook her head incredulously.

"Smart ass," she jabbed. Her expression then melted again. "I'm glad Sirius is there though. At least you have one of us there with you." Harry couldn't stop the grimace that stretched tightly across his mouth. She frowned.

"What's wrong? What's he done?" she asked. Harry looked up to Lupin, who was also frowning deeply. Harry shifted awkwardly.

"Well, nothing's wrong exactly," he said slowly. Rowan's frown deepened. Harry looked up at Lupin again questioningly – how was he supposed to answer this? He didn't want Rowan and Sirius to fight again, but he didn't know what to do when he hadn't even seen his godfather over the past three days despite living with him.

"Sirius has locked himself in his room again," Lupin finally answered for him. Rowan frowned.

"How long?" she asked.

"Since you left," answered Lupin quietly. Her face twisted angrily.

"What?" she hissed. Harry shook his head sadly.

"I've tried to talk to him, but he seems pretty angry still," he said slowly. Rowan's expression flickered with a dangerous glint. He looked at her cautiously. "What did you two row about?" Rowan sighed, closing her eyes tightly for a moment before looking at him almost impatiently, though he realized that impatience wasn't directed at him, but at his godfather.

"It'll take me a while to explain it. Can you hold on until tomorrow night?" she asked. Harry nodded, a bit disappointed, but at least she was willing to discuss it. He berated himself silently – she was always willing to discuss things in her own time. He just needed to start showing some patience.

"Yeah, I can wait," he said. He took in the deep lines beneath her eyes and realized that she truly had been working very hard over the past few days. "You should take it easy tonight. Get some sleep," he insisted. Rowan blew a raspberry at him. He grinned as a few hot flickers of green flame shot from her tongue.

"Sleep's for the weak. I'll sleep when I'm dead," she retorted. Harry grinned.

"Well, get some rest at least. Don't push yourself too hard," he said. Rowan smiled.

"Yes, Father," she teased. He glared playfully. "Well, I'd best get back to work. I just wanted you to know that I'm not staying away on purpose. Good luck tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be fine," she said. Harry nodded, smiling.

"Thanks, Rowan. I'll see you later," he said. Rowan nodded and looked up at Remus again with a smile.

"Thanks again, Remus," she said. Remus smiled warmly and crouched down next to Harry.

"Of course. I'll stop by the apothecary later today for the last dose," he said. She nodded.

"Until then," she said.

"See you," he said softly. Harry looked between them discreetly. It was hard to read the emotions in the flickering green fire of Rowan's face, but he could see the tenderness in Lupin's – he certainly didn't see that there at any other time. This was exclusively for Rowan. He had to fight the pleased smile that threatened to break through.

Rowan shot him one last smile, a nod, and then with a _pop_ she was gone. The fire flickered green once more and then faded to a dim orange, crackling softly before Lupin flicked his wand, putting it out, leaving him and Harry to the dark, dingy drawing room of the Black household.

* * *

II.

As Remus and Harry withdrew from the drawing room, Remus thought darkly back to Rowan's tired face, the cracking of her hoarse voice. She was pushing herself too hard already, and the battles had hardly even begun yet. If she didn't hire some help for the apothecaries, she'd surely slip and get hurt out of mere exhaustion when the real fighting began.

Her offer echoed in his mind again for the hundredth time in the past week. Working in the apothecary with her... It was an interesting idea but a dangerous one. He was longing to do something at least minutely productive with his time and energy, but working _for_ the former love of his life wasn't the most strategic step he could make in terms of redeveloping their friendship without reigniting whatever dormant feelings lay within him.

He grimaced inwardly - who was he kidding? Those feelings were hardly dormant. Crackling dimly, perhaps, but they'd never been dormant. They'd always been present at the back of his mind, even in the years and years spent apart.

But that just gave him another reason to not accept her offer. Working alone with her, even part-time, was just asking to bring up difficult conversations and bad feelings.

But then he thought of those dark circles beneath her eyes, the heaviness of her arms as she moved each time he'd seen her at the apothecary over the past week. She was struggling, and if Claire did indeed choose to leave, she'd be all alone. Sure, Isaac would volunteer to help, but she'd want to avoid that as much as possible. Carole, Alfred, and the children needed him, and even if Rowan needed the help more, she wouldn't see it that way.

"Remus."

Remus looked down at Harry, suddenly remembering where he was. The young man looked up at him hesitantly. Remus gave him a gentle smile.

"Something bothering you?" he asked. Harry nodded grimly.

"Is Rowan going to be all right?" he asked. Remus smiled warmly at him. It seemed he wasn't the only one concerned about the Potions Master.

"She'll be fine, Harry. She's gotten through much rougher times than these. It's just been a bad week," he said reassuringly. Harry nodded slowly.

"What about Carole? Do you know what's wrong with her?" he asked.

"I think it's just a bad cold. Rowan just worries a lot." Harry nodded thoughtfully.

"I met her once last summer - Carole, I mean. She seemed really delicate," he said. Remus nodded.

"Yes, she's always been on the frail side. She had a terrible accident right before Rowan was born apparently that makes it difficult for her to do a lot physically, and it's gotten worse as she's aged. I guess her body's just not handling the stress well," he said thoughtfully.

"Rowan seems to worry about her mum a lot," Harry noted. Remus nodded.

"Yes, she's very protective. It's only been exacerbated I think with the children there too. I imagine she's worried about what will happen to them once the war starts to really pick up," he said darkly. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"You don't think the Death Eaters would target the orphanage, do you?" Remus gave him a grim smile.

"I don't think the Death Eaters are above any sort of brutality, even if that brutality is directed at children. And if it's to get back at an old Order member - let alone one as publicly outspoken as Rowan - then a few dead orphans would mean nothing to people like the Lestranges," he said bitterly. Harry looked up at him fearfully.

"Is it okay to leave them there?" he asked. Remus looked down at him with a soft smile.

"To be honest, I imagine Rowan will try to get them into hiding once the Death Eaters start drawing more public attention to themselves. Fortunately, it doesn't seem like that will be happening anytime soon, so they're probably safe for now," he said. Harry looked somewhat relieved before grimacing again.

"About Sirius..." he said hesitantly. Remus looked at him grimly. "What should I do?" he asked quietly. Remus sighed.

"Ah, that," he said. "Honestly, Harry, all issues Sirius is grappling with regarding his own insecurities and restlessness - it's nothing to do with you, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Sirius is still trying to figure out his place within the Order and in this world in general. Once he comes to terms with where he stands and where you come in relation, he'll be okay. Just worry about yourself for now," he said. He felt a slight pang of guilt, but it was true - Harry's growth was more important than keeping Sirius company in his attempts to re-live his younger days with James. He could only hope that Sirius figured that out as well.

"Okay," Harry said quietly. "Should I try to talk to him again?" Remus shook his head.

"No, he's always been like this. When he gets upset, he locks himself away like a child, but he always comes out of it on his own. He'll be back to normal soon," he said reassuringly.

Soon - hopefully before Harry left for Hogwarts, thought Remus grimly.

* * *

III.

"_Rowan!"_

Rowan laughed as she was pelted with one child after the next. She managed to catch a flying Archie just before he collided into her chest, huffing as she heaved his weight off of her and back onto the floor.

"Rowan, Carole's sick!"

"Did you bring medicine for her?"

"Did you bring us any sweets?"

"Where have you been? We haven't seen you in like a month!"

Rowan smiled and nodded, answering the children's questions vaguely - she'd been busy; she brought Carole some medicine; there was some pan au chocolat in her bag, and Morgan will take it for them into the kitchen. She smiled gratefully as the blonde boy stepped forward to accept the pastries, peeling Chaplin off of her legs before guiding the cheering mob into the kitchen with the promise of sweets and tea. She let out a heaving sigh as she let the quietude wash over her. Looking up, she noted that Gillian was standing there with her, brow heavy with concern.

"You look like hell," she said. Rowan gave her a weak glare, but the girl stepped forward to hug her anyway. Rowan noted that she embraced her tighter than usual. Frowning, she pulled away to look at the young girl with concern, eyes widening with shock as she saw angry tears in the usually grinning girl's eyes.

"Gill, what's wrong? Did something happen?" she asked. Gillian shook her head with frustration and palmed at her eyes angrily.

"I'm just... No, no, nothing's happened. It's just... you and Carole and everything. Carole's not getting any better, and you've been away doing Merlin knows what. And I can't talk to Lionel about this stuff, and Morgan's always so even-keeled about things... It's like he doesn't even realize what's going on outside, so I'm just left here trying to handle it on my own," she rambled angrily. Rowan smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around the gangly girl again. Gill held her tightly, hiccoughing slightly into her shoulder.

"Mum's going to be all right. It's just a cold. She'll be better soon," she said consolingly. She pulled away and looked at the teenager warmly - Gill had always been such a sensitive girl, and she always seemed to get into this state of worry whenever Carole fell ill. She gave a sort of bleary smile. "And I'm sure Morgan's just as worried as you are. He just handles stress differently. And if you don't feel comfortable talking to Morgan, you should say something to Alfred. He's always open to listening to you, you know." Gill nodded, wiping away one last tear.

"I know. I know, it's just... Al's already so swamped with all the other kids and taking care of Carole. I don't want to bother him with my shit too," she said. Rowan smiled. She was such a good girl - a loud, pain in the ass sometimes, but a good girl.

"I'm sorry, Gill. I know it's been tough, but you'll be back at school soon, and Mum will be better before you know it. Everything's going to be all right," she said. Gill nodded again and looked at her with a hard look.

"Will you be here to take care of her? Is it really so dangerous for you to be coming around so often?" she asked bluntly. Rowan grimaced. She hadn't discussed anything so blatantly about the war with Gillian or Morgan, though she supposed they were both of age now. Wasn't it fair for them to know what Fred and George knew? She sighed and started guiding her upstairs towards Carole's room.

"Come on, I'll explain upstairs," she said. Gill frowned but followed.

* * *

Gill nodded gravely as Rowan's explanations began to settle in. Rowan nodded as she mixed one last solution of bubbling yellow potion for her mother. Carole coughed delicately into a handkerchief but sat up efficiently, accepting the tall glass and drinking it down. For a sick woman, she still was as poised as ever, sitting up straight in bed with barely a hair out of place. Rowan wondered a bit sourly how she'd never inherited her mother's grace, when the older woman seemed to exude it so effortlessly. She took the glass from Carole once more, trading it for a cup of hot tea.

"Yes, so while it's probably fine for now, I don't want to draw anymore attention here than I have to," Rowan said softly, helping her mother ease back against the headboard of the bed. Gill nodded from her curled up spot on the floor.

"Do you think we'll have to go into hiding soon?" she asked. Rowan grimaced.

"No, not yet, at least - as long as the Dark Lord wishes to keep his presence secret, you all will probably be fine, but once his resurrection is brought to public light, things will start going bad again. When that time comes, I'll be getting you all into hiding, but until then, I just need to keep a bit of distance." Gillian drew herself up defiantly.

"I want to fight too," she declared.

"No," Carole said. Her tone was soft, but firm. Despite the fatigue in her pale face, her look was sharp. "Rowan didn't join the Order until she was out of school, and neither will you. When you graduate, we'll discuss it again, but until then, I don't want to hear another word of it." Gill bristled but didn't argue, averting her eyes. Carole's word was law in the girl's mind, even if she didn't agree.

Rowan marveled at the authority the older woman still held over her. Legally, Gillian and Morgan didn't need to remain at the Potter Home for Children, as they'd both turned seventeen this past spring, but they'd both chosen to return for one last summer. Rowan supposed Gill would stay since Lionel was still only fourteen, but Morgan was free to leave. Still, they remained, perhaps out of loyalty or a need to protect their foster family from the burgeoning war outside. Rowan had never asked. It didn't seem necessary - as far as she or Carole were concerned, any child who stepped into this house would always be welcome, no matter how old, and with the dark days ahead, perhaps it was for the best that they stuck together.

But perhaps she should talk to Gillian about it. She wasn't as worried about Morgan - he was as sturdy as they came - but Gillian was more sensitive, more attune to the workings of the outside world and felt things deeply. This was her last summer in this house, after all. Was she scared? Did she even want to leave? Her brother would still be there, after all. Would she ask to stay there longer, even after graduation? She made a note to ask the girl about her concerns later.

"How're you feeling now, Mum?" she asked softly. Carole gave her a small smile, settling against the backboard with her hands in her lap as if the bed were a throne. She smirked at her daughter.

"How does it look like I feel?" she asked. Rowan snorted.

"Okay, well, I'll leave all the portions for you and Alfred in case the cough comes back, your Majesty" she said, setting a few jars on the bedside table. Carole nodded.

"Have you seen Harry recently?" she asked. Rowan shook her head.

"Not in the past few days. With the full moon and Order business, I haven't had a chance to go see him," she said. Carole frowned.

"Why couldn't you go last night?" she asked. Rowan's eyes darted briefly to Gillian with a stern look. Carole nodded knowingly – she'd been on Order patrol.

"Ah, okay," she said. The teenager frowned questioningly at the two older women but didn't receive any answers. "Well, you should eat a big supper here before you head out. You're looking too thin," she said to Rowan. Rowan smiled and nodded. She'd certainly need the energy if she was going to get any work done with Claire tonight. War or not, there were still cures to be found, and that wasn't going to happen if she couldn't even keep her head upright.

There was a soft knock at the door. The three women turned to see it creak open. Alfred poked his head in with a small smile.

"Everything okay in here?" he asked. Rowan nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, just finishing up," she said. She looked at her mother once more. "Do you need anything else? I can make you another sleeping draught if you want," she said. Carole smiled graciously but shook her head.

"No, I'm fine, dear. Go down and eat," she said.

"Yes, if you don't hurry, I think the children will begin to riot," Alfred said. Rowan snorted and stood, squeezing her mother's hand once more before turning to Gillian, who remained on the floor.

"Come on, punk. You need to keep up your strength too if you plan on taking care of this lot," she said. Gill glared but stood up. She rushed over to the bed to give Carole a swift hug before shuffling after Rowan, scooping her hand into the older woman's with a pout. Rowan smiled fondly at her as they stepped out and headed for the stairs. The loud cheerful sound of laughter could be heard coming from the dining room. It seemed to echo in the bright light of the full moon that floated high in the foyer windows. Rowan's mind wandered to the werewolf in London. She hoped he was sleeping soundly, enough for both of them.

* * *

IV.

The next night, Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly, blinking rapidly in an attempt to wipe the sleep from his eyes. His joints ached and screamed for bed, but he needed to be awake. It was Harry's belated birthday celebration after all.

He'd had all charges cleared of course, but not without some obstructions from Fudge. When Arthur had brought him home with news of the Minister's attempts to expel Harry, he'd been filled with a sense of rage. Smearing Harry's name was one thing, but trying to ruin his future was another. He'd always thought Fudge was a bit of a bumbler, so to see such a malicious side to the man was as shocking as it was appalling.

Either way, he was very pleased to see the boy in better spirits, the weight of the hearing now gone from his shoulders. He was smiling brighter than Remus had seen in many months and laughing easily with the Weasleys, Will Surrey, and Tonks.

But two people were still notably missing - his godparents. Rowan was supposed to be there at any moment, but it seemed she was running late again. If he was feeling rough, he knew she was probably feeling similarly considering the pace at which she'd been working herself over the past week. He knew she'd show up eventually though. It was Sirius who concerned him.

Remus had been sure that Sirius would come out of his room to at least see Harry off before his hearing, but he'd heard from Molly that he had remained upstairs, locked inside his room as if nothing had changed. Remus had been unable to see the boy off since he'd been deep in his post-transformation sleep, but to think that Sirius hadn't come down to wish his godson luck was outrageous. If it weren't for the happy occasion, he'd have gone upstairs and torn the man's door down. Indeed, he imagined Rowan would be doing something similar once she arrived and heard about Sirius' continuous petulance. He just hoped she waited until the children were in bed.

"Should we cut the cake?" asked Molly over the room.

"No! We have to wait for Winnie to get here!" called Ginny. The children all nodded earnestly, including Harry. The chatter resumed quickly. Remus smiled - it seemed it was just understood that the party couldn't continue with Rowan there.

Remus looked around calmly, swirling Rowan's green solution in his hand. Rowan had recently given him another vial of the emerald potion, and he was especially grateful for it now. Taking another sip, it sent a hot electric shot up his spine, like an injection of caffeine to his eyes. He blinked rapidly again, feeling much more awake.

"Feeling all right, Remus?" Remus looked up to see Bill sitting down next to him with a smile. Remus nodded.

"More than all right. I feel like I could fight a dragon drinking this stuff," he said, lifting his glass. Bill nodded.

"Have you talked to Sirius at all?" he asked lowly. Remus grimaced.

"No, he won't see anyone, even me," he said. Bill nodded thoughtfully.

"Has Mina tried talking to him?" he asked. Remus frowned and glanced over at the Auror.

She was standing and talking quietly with Arthur and Kingsley, a soft smile on her face. Remus hadn't seen much of her over the past week, and on the few occasions she'd stopped by, she'd left almost immediately after, leaving no time to talk to Sirius. He wondered if she even knew. Surely, she must have caught his absence by now, but her inaction meant that she didn't see it as her responsibility. He couldn't decide if this was cold or mature.

"No, I don't think she has," he said to Bill. "I suspect Rowan will th-"

Suddenly, the door swung open, and a very haggard looking Rowan burst into the kitchen.

"I'm here! I'm so sorry, everyone!" she cried frantically. A loud cheer erupted from the teenagers as they all surged forward. The twins pushed Harry to the front, where Rowan swiftly engulfed him into a tight hug.

"Awwww," said Fred and George saccharinely. Harry shot them a minor glare but then beamed down at his godmother. She grinned and then looked around to see Molly levitating the cake onto the table grandly.

"Time for cake!" she called. The teenagers cheered again, and Harry beamed, wrapping an arm around his godmother's shoulders. Remus swore he could go blind from the responding smile on her face.

* * *

The party seemed to go on and on with cheers and well wishes to Harry continuing on throughout the night. The twins had shown off a new invention of theirs involving dolls that danced and sang rude songs, much to their mother's disdain, and Tonks had entertained the room with shifting her face into the various Order members present. Rowan had laughed as riotously as everyone else, feeling surprisingly light considering the difficulties of the past month.

As soon as she'd arrived, Harry had stuck to Rowan's side for the rest of the evening, talking to her quietly to the side. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny came and went from the conversation, but Harry didn't leave her for more than a minute to grab more cake or tea. Half of Rowan wanted him to enjoy himself without any concern for her, but the other half was delighted at the happiness in his face as they spoke. She could hardly believe he was the same boy who'd reacted so angrily just a few days before.

Finally, the party began to wind down, and one by one, the Order members began to file out. Even Ron and Hermione left Harry behind in the kitchen in favor of their beds. Harry also began to yawn tiredly, and Rowan had to practically shove him out the door to get him to go upstairs. Rowan, too, felt the exhaustion weigh into her, but she needed to stay awake to talk to Mina and Remus first about Sirius. But her eyes were so heavy, her very skin feeling as if it were weighing down her frame. She stood and also made her way out of the kitchen to search for Mina, who had disappeared a few moments before.

She found the Auror in the hallway, gazing intently at the sleeping portraits on the walls at the far end of the corridor from Mrs. Black's portrait. She smiled softly as Rowan approached.

"What do you think?" Rowan asked amusedly, nodding to the portraits. Mina hummed thoughtfully.

"They're a handsome bunch. I guess the Black family has always been attractive," she mused. She then turned to Rowan with a crooked smile. "You look like shit," she said affectionately. Rowan snorted.

"I feel it," she said. Mina's smile melted a bit with concern.

"You really should get someone to cover your next shift for you. There won't be anything left of you in a month if you keep going like this," she said. Rowan shook her head.

"If I get a shopkeeper, I'll be fine. I'm sure I can find one in the next couple of weeks," she said through a yawn. Mina scowled slightly but didn't fight her. Rowan smiled softly.

"Have you talked to Sirius?" she asked. Mina grimaced.

"No, I didn't know he'd been locked up in his room this entire time or I would've done something about it before now," she said. She sighed. "What the hell is he thinking? What kind of grown man acts like this?"

"It's not like this just happened suddenly though. It's been building up for a while," Rowan noted with concern. "I can hardly blame him for being so angry all the time." Mina pinched her nose bridge and sighed.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I really don't like him being confined here, but what can we do? If he goes out, he'll most likely get killed, but if he stays here, he's going to lose his mind." Rowan nodded thoughtfully.

"I think you should go talk to him. You're the only one he'll see, most likely," Rowan urged. Mina's face tightened.

"I can't keep being his emotional crutch. If he's going to act as a proper godfather, he's got to learn how to do it on his own. This is ridiculous," she said. Rowan could only smile weakly. She agreed with all that Mina was saying, but there was nothing she could add to make it better. Mina sighed.

"Fine," she grumbled. Rowan gave her a sheepish smile as she stalked down the hall for the stairs. She could practically hear the other woman muttering angrily to herself as she crept upstairs quietly, a scowl glued to her face. The steps creaked and then receded until the hall was quiet once again.

Rowan sighed and reached up to rub at her right shoulder. It was aching again, and the summer heat was still unpleasant. She sighed and shrugged off her heavy robes, hanging them on her arm. The stale air of 12 Grimmauld Place didn't do much to soothe the heat in her skin, but it was better than the weight of her robes. She took a deep breath and headed back to the kitchen.

"What're you doing here still?" she asked as she entered the room. Harry sat at the table in his over-sized pajamas with a mug of tea. Across from him was Remus. Harry gave her a nervous half-grimace.

"Is Mina talking to Sirius?" he asked. Rowan smiled softly with understanding. She sat down next to Remus quietly.

"Yeah, she just went upstairs," she said.

"Mina will take care of it, Harry. He just needs someone to pound the pride out of him," Remus said.

Rowan nodded tiredly in agreement before a large yawn overtook her. She stretched her right arm over her head, letting the aching joint in her shoulder pop and crack with a grimace of relief. When she felt it settle back into place, she lowered her arm back down onto the table to see Harry staring at her with a narrow look. She frowned and looked down - he was looking at her shoulder.

"What...?" he asked quietly. Rowan gave an awkward, tight smile.

"Ah, that," she said dumbly. She let her eyes linger over the bit she could see of the blurring lines between her healthy skin and the milky white scar tissue that ran from her upper tricep onto her shoulder blade and down her back. She smiled wryly and turned a bit to give Harry a better view."This is from the First War," she said plainly. Harry's eyes widened as they traced over the large expanse of scars, lips parting slightly with horror.

"How?" he breathed. Rowan turned back to face him fully and thought for a moment, now feeling very awake.

"Want to hear the story?" she asked. He nodded fervently, eyes glued to her face. She paused again, recalling the painful night from so many years ago. She glanced over at Remus, who was gazing intensely at her, waiting for her to continue. Her throat tightened slightly, but she pushed it away.

"It was during our first year out of school I think - October, my first high intensity mission," she said softly. Harry frowned.

"What does that mean?" he asked. Rowan hummed thoughtfully.

"The Order ranks missions based on risk level. There are the low level missions, which usually are just routine patrols or escorts, to high level, which include raids and protection missions for high-profile individuals who have received death threats," she explained.

"When one first starts, he is obviously assigned to low level missions," Remus added. Rowan nodded.

"We, meaning our group of friends, should've been kept on those for a while, but unfortunately, we were short on support at that point in the war. People were dropping off left and right towards the final few years, so the Order pretty much was taking help wherever it could get it. And wouldn't you have it, we graduated and joined right at that time."

Harry nodded slowly as he took in this information. Rowan's stomach tightened as she remembered how their numbers had dwindled slowly but surely. It really was fortunate that they'd all survived for so long, wasn't it?

"Well, that September, a large amount of Death Eaters were arrested in a Ministry raid and convicted to lifetime sentences in Azkaban without parole by the Wizengamot, largely thanks to one of its leading members, a wizard names Edgar Bones."

Harry nodded. "I think I've heard one of the others mention him. He's Amelia Bones' brother, right?" Rowan nodded, smiling softly.

"Yes, they're an incredible family, the Boneses; profoundly intelligent and powerfully magical, and - thank Merlin - very brave people. I'm sure you were able to see today that Amelia was a very reasonable witch. Edgar was the same way," she said. Harry nodded.

"So Edgar led the court trial against this group of Death Eaters, eventually leading to a conviction. It was a huge victory for our side and an equally huge blow to the enemy's. Obviously, this did not sit well with the Dark Lord," she continued grimly.

"He targeted them," Harry said knowingly. Rowan nodded.

"Yes, and not just him - his entire family," she said. Harry's eyes widened as the pieces began to come together for him. "Well, we obviously couldn't let someone as valuable as Edgar go unprotected. He didn't want to go into hiding first - wanted to stay and fight publicly - but his wife finally convinced him that they needed to go into hiding, if not for him then at least for their children. He finally agreed a month later, in October.

"So that leads us to the mission," explained Rowan. She could already see the dark understanding beginning to flicker across Harry's face. "Sirius took the two children ahead, and the rest of us split Edgar and his wife Wisteria up into two groups with them disguised as Mundungus and Emmeline. We moved separately, using Portkeys to transport them secretly in the middle of the night, so if one of our groups was attacked, at least the other would escape. But we were betrayed," she said bitterly. Harry glared venomously.

"Wormtail?" he hissed. Rowan shook her head with a bitter smile.

"No, another traitor - Isaiah Jones," she said. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"Is he related to Hestia?" he asked quickly. Remus nodded.

"Distantly, like second-cousins or something. He was much older, so she didn't know him well. There's no question of Hestia's loyalty, Harry. Don't worry," he said. Harry relaxed a bit again and nodded for her to continue.

"So Isaiah had betrayed us, but we didn't know it at the time. Both groups were ambushed at the arriving Portkey sites by swarms of Death Eaters. It's really amazing that more of us didn't die," she said.

"Some of you were killed?" he asked. Rowan smiled sadly.

"A witch named Dorcas Meadowes was hit with the Killing Curse trying to let the rest of us escape with Edgar," she said. Harry's lips tightened mournfully. "She was a good friend of your mum's - recruited her into Healer training at St. Mungo's. I didn't get to know her that well in the short time we had together, but she was a riot to have around - booming voice, booming personality. Lily was quite devastated.

"But because she sacrificed herself, the rest of us were able to make it into the forest where we'd set up the unplottable Fidelius site for the Boneses. We were better able to defend ourselves in there, but we were just so outnumbered. Eventually, it ended up being just me and Edgar running for the safe house while the others stayed behind to hold the Death Eaters off. As we got closer, we ran into Frank Longbottom and Wisteria, and then Frank, too, decided to stay behind while I led them along the remaining path."

Harry listened carefully, eyes wide with anticipation. He hung on her every word silently, eagerly. Her heart ached, even now, as she remembered Edgar and Wisteria's labored breaths as they sprinted through the dark forest, the dim yellow lights ahead of them. Why had she been the one to survive?

"Just as we made it through the clearing, a Death Eater managed to get a clear shot at us. I'm still not exactly sure how it happened. It's mostly a blur. He shot a Killing Curse and missed, but instead, it hit a tree or something. I don't know," she explained quietly. She noted that her voice had remained steady throughout the entire story, though she wasn't sure how. "Perhaps there was something volatile in the tree bark like doxy eggs or something of the like, but it exploded, and in the explosion, both Wisteria and Edgar were killed instantly. And I was hit with the debris." She turned again and gestured to the scars along her back. Harry's eyes widened again as they traced over the pearly tissue, an entirely new fear there.

"By the time they were able to stamp out the fire, it'd burned through my robes and into my skin. I don't remember much from that part though. I lost consciousness almost immediately," she said. Harry frowned almost angrily.

"But burns can be healed with the right potions and spells! I don't understand how you could have gotten such terrible injuries from just that!" he exclaimed. Rowan gave him a bitter smile.

"Killing Curse fire isn't the same as normal fire. It can't be put out with typical dousing spells, and just like how the Killing Curse can't be blocked, if it manages to ignite, the injuries sustained from those flames leave permanent damage. And this-" she gestured to her shoulder, "-is proof."

Harry stared silently at her for a long while as her story sank in. She knew it was a heavy story to tell him - perhaps she should have started with a lighter one to ease him into the war mentality - but there was no kindness in war and certainly not for him in this one.

"I stayed in the hospital for nearly a month after as my burns healed. I could barely move for half of that time, and even after I regained movement of my arm, I reopened the injuries enough that the Healers confined me to bed rest longer than had been predicted. What you see here is after seventeen years of healing, and it still looks like this."

Harry's lips trembled as he looked at the scars again. They'd certainly healed a bit over the years, with the foamy boundaries receding ever-so-slowly, but they still remained as pale and evident as ever.

"This is why I don't want you joining the Order yet, Harry. No matter how skilled you are, no one comes out unscathed," she said firmly. Harry looked up to meet her gaze. "I didn't join the Order until I was eighteen, and even then, I wasn't ready, even though I thought I was. Your mum and dad were stronger than even some of the most experienced Aurors, but talent and smarts will only get you so far. At a certain point, it all comes down to dumb luck. Adulthood will come before you know it, so don't waste the limited time you have as a child trying to grow up."

Harry nodded grimly, letting her warnings sink in. She felt a surge of relief as he seemed to finally comprehend their fears for him.

"Whatever happened to Edgar and Wisteria's children?" asked Harry.

"Amelia took them in after their parents died. They're not that much older than you are," she said.

"I think Beatrice was in the year above Percy, and her brother Gerard just graduated. They were both in Ravenclaw I believe," Remus said. Harry's eyes widened as he nodded.

"Oh, yeah, I think I remember Gerard. He graduated at the top of their year," he said. Rowan nodded.

"Sounds about right. Like I said, the Bones family is brilliant," she said. Harry nodded thoughtfully and looked at Rowan again, eyes trailing down to her shoulder once more, almost guiltily. She smiled.

"It's okay to look, Harry. I don't mind," she said. He nodded but still looked slightly uncomfortable at the sight of it. Remus smiled sympathetically.

"You should head up to bed. It's quite late, and you've had a long day," Remus said. Harry's eyes lingered on Rowan's scars for a moment longer before looking back up and nodding.

"Yeah, I think I will," he said, standing slowly. He paused and looked between the two of them. "You both should too," he said. Remus smiled and nodded.

"I'll head up in a bit," he said. Harry nodded and then looked at Rowan with a soft smile.

"Thanks for sharing that story with me. I know it's hard for you to talk about that stuff," he said. Rowan smiled.

"Thanks, Harry. I'm actually glad you know now," she said, surprised at how much she meant it. Her shoulder ached at the memories of that mission in the woods, but for some reason, it felt lighter. Harry nodded.

"Me too," he said. "Well, good night."

"Good night," Remus and Rowan said together. And then the door swung shut, leaving the two of them alone. Remus smiled gently at Rowan.

"You definitely need some sleep," he said. Rowan let out a breathy laugh, slumping into her seat.

"I know. I'm surprised I haven't passed out yet," she said. Remus frowned.

"You should stay here tonight. It's dangerous for you to go home alone when you're so tired," he said. Rowan shook her head.

"No, I'll be fine," she said. She looked up vaguely and listened for the sound of either Mina or Sirius' voices but was only met with silence. She looked back down with an inward sigh and caught Remus staring warily at her shoulder. She smiled wryly.

"Want to see?" she offered. He jumped slightly with surprise, eyes wide with embarrassment. She grinned teasingly at him.

"No, I don't want to- that'd be rude," sputtered Remus. Rowan's smile deepened at his modesty and began to turn in her seat anyway to give him a better view of her scars. She pulled her hair over her left shoulder.

"It's okay. I really don't mind," she insisted softly. Remus nodded slowly before leaning closer to look at the white scar tissue, face melting sadly. His eyes trailed over the scars silently for a few moments.

"They haven't healed much," he noted quietly. Rowan shook her head.

"No, but I don't mind much anymore. I think they add a bit of character somehow," she said lightly. It was strangely true. The only bother was concocting lies to people about how she got them, but since the Order all knew, there was no need for her to feel awkward with her shoulder exposed there at Headquarters. She marveled at how comfortable she felt under Remus' watch and leaned into her left side, relaxed.

"I don't think you've ever needed more character," joked Remus softly. She let out a soft exhale, lips curling upward amusedly. Her eyes felt very heavy, one arm curling beneath her head over the back of her chair. Her head lolled onto her left shoulder with her back still to Remus.

"Hmm, I wonder," she murmured. A shiver ran up her spine as she felt the lightest flutter of fingertips along her shoulder blade. The strap of her tank top shifted to the side to give him a better view.

"About what?" he whispered. Rowan hummed thoughtfully, but her eyes started rolling into the back of her head. She couldn't seem to find control over her tongue. Her jaw seemed to fuse into place.

"I can't remember," she breathed. She felt a slight puff of air against her shoulder.

"I thought you were going to go home," he teased quietly. Rowan tried to nod her head but found it heavy again, sticking to her shoulder limply.

"Mm-hmm," she mumbled. Those long fingers splayed against her back at the center of her spine. The heat spread warmly into her skin through her shirt. A sigh escaped her lips as a feeling of friendly nostalgia slipped over her form. Her muscles loosened, sinking deeper into the wood of the chair.

"You're falling asleep," he said softly. She heard a lining of laughter there. She tried to shake her head but couldn't seem to move it. He laughed softly again and then pressed a gentle hand to the back of her head. The hand cradled the base of her skull and then turned her gingerly. Another hand slipped beneath her knees, and suddenly, the hardness of the chair was gone, replaced with a warm pressure at her opposite side. Her cheek pressed against a firm plane. It felt so familiar, like a lullaby she'd known by heart long ago.

"Where are we going?" she murmured dumbly.

"Bed," he whispered. She tried to shake her head, but she couldn't find register over her neck.

"Need to go home," she mumbled. She inhaled deeply. A warm clean scent filled her nostrils. It was soothing, filling the very pit of her stomach.

"No," he said simply. She heard a creaking of a door and felt a slight change in the air. It was cooler here, lighter. The entire room seemed to be full of that calming scent.

Her head hit something soft and cool. Her fingers automatically tangled in the smooth fabric beneath her.

"-'s not my bed," she mumbled. There was a tug at her feet, and her toes suddenly came free of her boots.

"No, it's not," he agreed.

"Whose-?" It was so hard to keep her grasp on this world. Sleep kept pulling her heavily, leaning its full weight into her. She struggled to hold onto this place, but she couldn't seem to find a hold onto anything but the sheets beneath her hands.

"Sleep."

The cool sheet was suddenly being pulled upward, over her shoulders. She sighed and felt herself sink farther into the mattress.

"But where... you-?" she choked out dumbly, reaching forward towards that deep voice. That gentle hand pressed softly against her cheek.

"Don't worry about me. Just sleep. I'll wake you in the morning," he said. Rowan nodded, face pressed firmly into the sheets. She sighed, releasing what tension remained in her shoulders.

"Thank you," she murmured.

There was the soft whisper of footsteps around her and rustling cloth until finally, with a creak of the door, he was gone. Rowan surrendered herself to sleep. Exhaustion yielded no dreams.


End file.
